the flickering lights in the sky make me dizzy.

A Dream within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet, if Hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it, therefore, the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
-Edgar Allen Poe

hmn.

four walls closing in and i'm claustrophobic.

i spent the day before xmas eve having a chat with a friend whilst on duty(imagine sitting somewhere in the vast expanse of green with rain pouring from the skies, and 2 fools hiding under a tent), and somehow the conversation drifted into a rather solemn 'about-life' kind of conversation.

"i feel as if i'm in a bird cage. and when i struggle so hard to break free from this cage i unfortunately realize that i'm actually in a much bigger cage" -a friend

question of the day: why does it seem that we are all just keep searching for freedom from certain things in our life, but when we escape those forces, it seems like we're in a bigger cage(analogy to greater forces), governed by bigger monsters/forces of life? and in some sense we are continuously governed by bigger forces, unable to find our freedom.

(with merely sketchy ideas)
i came to the conclusion that perhaps it's true that irregardless of how high we climb, we will always be governed by certain forces that will inadvertently place judgement on our lives. (a simple example, hierachy - peasants listen to the aristocracy and the aristocracy take orders from the king. on the flip side, the king is governed by the peasants in that if he leads the country into debt, poverty and oppression, chaos and revolt will overtake his rule.)
but more interestingly, the truth is probably that as we live our lives we perhaps have to decide for ourselves which ones of the chains that we're being binded by, are the ones that we want to fight and free ourselves from. and since we can't fight all the forces, there are some which we simply remain apathetic about and go on with our lives. (e.g. a person can choose to lead a life of pragmatism, but achieve financial stability in exchange for a pursuit of what he enjoys - thus we see that he remain apathetic or in this sense chooses to sacrifice his joy but decides that he is not going to be binded by the chains of poverty) in a sad way, this school of thought adopts the 'zero-sum game' mentality and though one may argue (like a typical modern day moderate) that we can strive to achieve balance, if we take a deeper look at the equation, there isn't really such a thing as a 50% achieved dream. Dreams are meant to be achieved and fulfilled in its totality, and partial completion can be equated to failure.

so how many chains do each of us bear, and remain apathetic about? or are we always too obsessed in fighting for freedom from the same chain that we remain oblivious to how we have otherwise been locked down?

to which i ask.

Sprecher: Ihr Fremdlinge! was sucht oder fordert ihn von uns?
Tamino: Freundschaft und Liebe
Sprecher: Bist du bereit, es mit deinem Leben zu erkampfen?
Tamino: Ja

Speaker: Stranger, what do you seek or ask from us?
Tamino: Friendship and love.
Speaker: And are you prepared even if it costs you your life?
Tamino: I am.

hongkong 06

unlike the rest of my other trips, i had a fair bit of time this round to just sit back, chat and catch up with my parents. (lo and behold!ben actually discussed some econs, and nono that chinese cultural topic that you have in mind isn't going come to pass anytime soon)plus i also had time to sit back and think abt different matters that had sneaked into my mind.

well this trip gave me a few fresh insights as to some inevitable paths we face in life;

poverty in a sanctuary versus abundance 8-feet down
(i.e how far are you willing to push your boundaries of comfort to convert it into gold nuggets?)
(the old school question; is money everything?or is money just something? then again how much of a value do we place on 'something'?)

societal pressures versus being yourself
(i.e how much do we conform or try to match up to the societal standards? do we indulge in it so much that when we do so, we're being shredded over and over inside? or do we just so shamelessly do the advertising of an empty shell? how much of ourselves do we give up?)

masquerade(reminds me of ac05prom)
(in our world,how many live behind the masks? and how many use that mask to justify their value?)

ok so these are just a few topics that crossed my mind. i'll prob touch on my thoughts a ltitle more when i get back from the army in a few days time.