sporadic pain.

i choke. i blink.

it makes one wonder why we have to go through all these. i'm starting to dread it, i'm starting to let this monotony creep into my skin and i close my eyes and think when it'll all end.

its almost dreadful to reach a point where you lose that drive, where for once in your life you realize that you have absolutely no clue why on earth you're even doing what you're doing and for what purpose you're doing what you're doing. for a while, i haven't stood on my own two feet and used my brains fully, for the simple reason that a distinction on my arm points out that i'm supposedly lacking in the ability to hold responsibility. and yet ironically they preach a different story.

i sorta think i'm starting to lose my mind. it feels like two worlds. it seems as if for 5 days in the week i belong in the 60s, where humans wake up at 530 and go to bed at 2230. where AM and PM no longer occur and what you merely hear are numbers. where the watch turns from a clock face to a digital one. where food is always eaten to survive and hardly for pleasure. where the only space i have to myself is behind an orange cloth. where the floor and the grass seems to be my favourite hangout and chairs seem to be of another generation. where i wake up knowing i've wasted another day of my life. where life(if you even dare call it one) is of a completely different orientation.

ha. and the rest of the world doesnt blink to realize what's happening. but i do, and i sympathize with each and every one of you out there, who sink their teeth deep into their lips and grit, and carry on.