teardrops from the sky.

i spent an hour after all the hype over the new year, walking in the rain. and it was one of those slow walks where u try to recall some memories. unfortunately for me, the rain refused to get heavy and it stuck at this drizzle that brought about this deja vu feeling. haha i didnt eventually achieve my goal of walking home cos it was just too darn far, and after a while i got kind of bored. but oh wells an interesting night out.

a thanksgiving

since i probably wont find time for blogging in the next few days; i figured it would be quite apt if i wrote myself a thanksgiving list - to thank God for all He has done this year in my life.

1. acjc trackandfield 05
2. 2ad2-05 for making the stay enjoyable(and the teachers)
3. ys/ywam and all the people who helped me through my As
4. my beloved caregroup
5. the guys - for the neverending trash talk which usually only revolved around soccer
6. ej for enduring all my shit and dragging me to study
7. marcom for a spectacular journey(the entire ys transfer has been amazing)
8. and all the people who painted beautiful memories.

and i suppose there's more but in a nutshell, i guess this is abt it.

and i tug at the strings, reluctantly.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind left me with an afterthought that stuck in my head. i cant seem to imagine having a loved one, or memories for that matter erased from my mind. and its coincidental that just yesterday my gd friend told me that im afraid to release the memories, and somehow to my amazement he could tell me things that i subconsciously did to salvage that memory - and that left me in deep thought, but now i know why. because in each memory - the feelings of joy and pain and sorrow are all blended into that one single experience. and trying to forget all of it is equivalent to letting go of all the happiness as well.

"hold your memories close to your heart, bcos you'll never know when they'll disintegrate and disappear."

everyone should read this; its where the quote 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' originates.
eloisa to abelard; http://www.monadnock.net/poems/eloisa.html
lovely.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you notto be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-coachcarter.

twinkle twinkle.

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You--you alone--will have the stars as no one else has them--" -thelittleprince.antoine de saint exupery

ahh yes. stars do have their own special meanings to every individual :)

rahh

rahh my face is itching from the makeup from my cameo 30seconds appearance on stage. who on earth came up with that makeup for guys thingy. make up is bad. it makes ur face itch. now i feel like i need a face transplant. grrr.

and at least i know i can still do it.

at some point in the last few weeks, i truly thought i would never be able to run fast again. today at track camp, when i saw that guy pulling away from me, and it was just at that moment that the magic started to work all over again. i could close the gap despite the semi-wrecked ankle(which is starting to hurt now), the never completely rehabilitated hamstring and the additional weight. and somehow running never felt so good before. i definitely wasn't as fast as before but to feel the wind on my face and to see the gap slowly diminish was a completely satisfying experience.

sighs. this entry sounds superbly superficial. this isnt good. maybe i'll take this out soon.

As I walked out one evening - W H Auden

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
"Love has no ending.

"I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

"I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

"The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world."

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
"O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

"In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

"In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

"Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

"O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

"The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

"Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

"O look, look in the mirror?
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

"O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart."

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

its painful to know that the finite time borders the expression of love.
perhaps some day we'll understand how we've been encapsulated in a world of boundaries and limitations.

for those who withstood the test of time,
i pray you'll soar.