the end.

maybe if the earth stopped revolving.

the a levels are finally over, and i can safely say now that im done with this period of my life. but somehow i dont feel that satisfaction and contentment that its finally over. in fact, i feel almost 'numbed'(for a lack of a better word) to this end of my formal school education.

but more importantly than that it struck me today about how fleeting wealth or prosperity for that matter can be. i spoke to a friend today who told me about financial difficulties that halted his advancement in education. but yet this was the same guy that had an abundance of wealth at his disposal not too long ago.

then i'll have time to comprehend the meaning of my existance.

and the horror begins

captive number: 3004/0147
jailterm: 11th november - 24th november
expected time of release: 24th november 1100 hours

whilst some people are halfway through the dreaded A levels, i've just started. the gp paper wasn't exactly the easiest paper but i guess it was relatively managable. and although i decided to change my question 1/3 into the exam(i.e 30 mins), i guess it was a worthwhile decision bcos that 'luck' question lacked significant structure and it seemed doomed for failure(at least in my scenario). i ended up doing a question on how slowing down the pace of life is actually a mere theoratical and envisioned circumstance whereby the reality of achieving it is superbly low. yes, the typical boring question and i think for once in a long time, i did not have any fun writing that essay. it was more of a mark oriented essay. oh wells, its over and off to cambridge and i hope those englishmen with their 'cupp-of-tea' like my essay.

now i wished i had more important and intriguing things in life to talk abt rather than a stupid exam that governs my life. sighs

writing.

i scribbled this verse onto a book about 23 months ago-

'My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I
recite my verses for the king;'-psalms24:1

ok someone asked me to blog about blogs, and it was easy to laugh it off but looking back at it, perhaps it's an interesting aspect as to why people even blog or write in the first place.

writing for writing's sake seems a just argument, but then wouldn't that completely omit the totality of the experience of writing. (i.e embracing the emotions and thoughts that run through your head; thus the written piece) or maybe its just me, i dont think i write for writing's sake and maybe thats why my blog entries have been few - it seems as if this space is reserved for the more intricate interactions between intellect(hurhur, alliteration) and emotion that my mind struggle with.

and perhaps it is all the more apt that in recent weeks, i've begun to look at why i write. and it seems that the more i ponder about it, it dawns upon me that i'm somehow using writing as an outlet to relieve the violent outbursts of emotions within me. and whilst that seems like some sort of bravado, i know deep down inside that its cowardice - that i'm using words as a veil to hide my true self.

and thus i've come to make a decision, that i want to constantly and fervently pursue writing with the heart of god(whatever that means, i've yet to completely comprehend). but i guess at some junctions in life, its important to adopt the spirit and thus have something to work towards rather than moving forward aimlessly(after all, if you're moving forward aimlessly, how do you even know you're moving forward).

ok so those of you who have been reading all the way, and somehow have found yourself lost in the endless parentheses(that means brackets), well the bottom line to this entry is that i'm desiring to seek to write with the heart of god, but whilst doing that it doesnt mean i'll forcefully neglect the emotional side to writing, but rather embracing it with god's spirit.

(ok, whatever. this entry is confusing even to me.)