The Oldest Tell

Try-Hards of Kargo Kult, Exhibit B

Ian: “What are you doing tonight?”

Veronique: “We’re having Ladies’ Night over here.”

Ian: “Which entails...?”

Veronique: “We’re gonna play cards, smoke cigars, and drink whiskey.”

Ian: “So you’re just emulating what you think a Guys’ Night might consist of?”

Veronique: “...”

Try-Hards of Kargo Kult, Exhibit A

A look at the techniques of overcompensation through people’s discernible affectations of content-free attributes.

“I’m a Low-T kinda guy, so it took me four years to grow out this beard. I’ve found that this premium flannel lends an air of ruggedness that I normally have trouble cultivating.”

Xarnaq Political Refugee

Menko 22: Nogsaeg Siseon

The East Bank Matrix

• Mother Nature visits the Old Homestead
• The blood of Dumb Luck Dog as ink in perpetuity
• The road to the river to the cliffs
• The vigour of suburban youth
• Space Junk idles kerbside
• Neighbourhood birds make a great noise
• Tension and tears in the climacteric
• Cooper has a sock
• Strontium Evenings seen from the Bonus Chamber

“Don’t Sacrifice Taste for Survival”

The Orville Corporation is no stranger to supporting our men, women, and others on the battlefield, with everything from body armour to tactical psionic devices to front line munitions. But every survivalist knows that supplying sustenance for troops is paramount.
  Orville’s Patriotik Frozen Treats featuring Praise™, the New Food Substitute™ — the same treats sold to consumers in grocery stores — are now a most welcome addition to the ubiquitous MREs. The battlefield version is a camouflaged freeze-dried field ration in a self-contained cryo-pac for quick chilling. Flavour packets included come in over 30 combinations as the same civilian varieties. Projected shelf life is seven years and flavour is not compromised in the slightest.
  The Orville Corporation is proud to play a part in feeding nations at war — making treats for those on the fighting fronts as well as for the folks back home.

Orville to Help Citizens Show Wartime Awareness with Frozen Treats

By now, you’re probably well aware of the current situation around the world. Images of war are on every telescreen. As crises continue to intensify, many have decided to pitch in and help however they can, even though they’re half a world away.
  You might wonder how the Orville Corporation can make a difference with such a complex global crisis. The good news is that you already have what you need at your nearest frozen food shop. Orville’s Patriotik Frozen Treats featuring Praise™, the New Food Substitute™ help you to brandish a powerful message of support for your favourite country in a tangible and tasty way that shows awareness.
  Kaitlinn Robertell, senior vice president of marketing for the Orville Corporation’s Foods Division said: “Fans are already familiar with the wide variety of flavours of Praise™, but we want to show them how showing off their favourites can ‘wow’ their international friends as well as their taste buds.
  “There’s no bigger stage for brands than war,” Robertell said in a statement. “And since this is a worldwide, must-watch event, we wanted to be the first to announce that the Orville brand will be there. As a global snacks partner, we are leveraging the association to heighten consumer experiences and build our brand image.
  “Our ultimate vision includes other confectionary products and other nations and branding opportunities.”
  Orville first tested its Praise™ ad prowess with a TV spot that debuted in African markets during the 2002 Congo Civil War and was impressed with the campaign’s Measurable ROI.

Kaffee Klatch on Megis Street

DATELINE: Classic City, Stratum XIV

“Welcome to the Megis Street Haus, I’m Red Kirksmith. We hope you join us for our Sunday morning Kaffee Klatch, where we sit on the verandah and sip free-range coffee and discuss in dulcet tones the merits of macramé, public radio and complex carbohydrates.
  “Oh, and Klaus here? He enjoys nude sunbathing in the back yard, usually with one of his grad students. I wouldn’t recommend it myself unless you want a lecture from him on global warmening though.
  “Across the hall here lives Mr Facaro, an uptight misanthrope who is working on his population control dissertation. Did I already say we share similar interests in public radio and tut-tutting undergrads?
  “Feel free to make use of this Peruvian hand-woven hammock. You can relax and look down your nose at the Appalachian prole family next door with their nine kids, or smirk at those clove-smoking townies across the street with their dead plant fetish. That’s what we all do.
  “Have you met Ungula upstairs yet? She’s an on-air ‘personality’ at our local public radio station! She will marry Mr Facaro and then dump his sorry ass in a bitter divorce while he weeps in the street in his bathrobe. But that won’t happen for another two years.
  “Anyway, guys, come to our Kaffee Klatch this Sunday morning — but please bring your own mugs and coffee whitener of your choice. You all do like public radio, don’t you?”

Zerstör die Einweggebäude

The Nottingham Matrix

• The Weg, bounded by Mystery Hill and Condemnation Alley
• The Abode of Weasel (Fake Hayata) — alternate gateway
to Mystery Hill
• The Olkiewicz BBQ swirl
• The Noll Gallbladder Moppet

The Sheffield Matrix

• Within city limits, a universe in colour
• Barefoot in the basement at Manse Messac
• Joy and frustration at Backyard Pantomime
• Kindly stating the obvious
• Audible quibbles of Reilly strife
• Proud sneakers on the march
• The scent of Hallow’s Eve in the air
• Father Bob holds court in the Wiegmannkeller
• Traubensaft with old Mrs Corbett
• Wheels out of control, with predictable results
• Mr Whiz, ever the optimist
• The Mooney Garage Graffiti Gallery — where you can’t read the walls
• Curious clover in Stratum K
• “Hold yer breath an’ run through the Bug Man’s clouds!”
• Tulip trees sway in one moment in time
• A rotten apple grows on familiar grounds