Guarded

Modern society appears to be made up of extremes. These extremes represent themselves in social spheres, politics, work environments, entertainment, grocery options, and (well, there are actually many many more, but to get to the point) in....

I don't know if I'm ready to share yet. I suppose you might have come right out and said it.

I'm concerned that you will take this the wrong way. Maybe you will feel like I am spilling my soul (which I just very well could be doing while hoping you don't see through that). Or, maybe you will take a comment or observation I make about someone else as somehow self-revealing. On the other hand, maybe I'm just concerned that you will take it as a directed criticism or chastisement (though it may be a warranted self-accusation driven by a guilty conscience, it's not in my nature to directly confront others on their personal failings and foibles of soul). Oh well. I've come this far and might as well finish the thought as not. Modern extremes are also represented in personal openness.

Extreme #1: Our society has changed airing dirty laundry from an unfortunate necessity of specific times when it simply must be done and can't be avoided to a sport where people intentionally dress in layers and seek out muddy rivers to ford just to generate fodder for the clothes line. I personally don't believe this is healthy.

Extreme #2: At the other extreme there are people that are afraid to say anything. They fear that anything they say will come out wrong or at least will not be taken as intended. Either way, it will be used against them in the court of private and public (usually via gossip) opinions. Whether or not this perception is accurate and true, it is sincerely believed. Whether it's an insecurity in their ability to express their thoughts or a lack of trust that they will be given the benefit of the doubt, these individuals hold it all in, festering all the while. While I admittedly fit best in this category and euphemistically dub it "just being guarded", I personally don't believe that this is healthy.

I guess the question for all of us is: How can we find the healthy middle ground; the space where sharing is selectively and profitably proffered, charitably received, and mutually productive?

My "guarded" nature is why so many observations about myself and others are left unexplored, unsaid, and unresolved. It's why most contemplated blog posts never get started; why so many get started and seldom get further than the brainstorming phase; and, good for a one-time-only deal, why this post reached fruition.

By Their Fruits?

There are some people that blindly go through life never thinking or concerning themselves with other people. Then there are others whose concern may rest entirely on how they appear to the people they most want to impress -- examples include: bullying the weak to look strong; or only giving and serving conspicuously to excite notice as a courtier. Some people's actions, whether malicious or kind, are the result of conscious, concerted, and deliberate effort. And there are those that serve and help because they have no inclination to do otherwise. There are many types of people and motivations not enumerated in this short list, but one thing is certain: sometimes it is hard to tell which of these a man is simply by observing his actions.

To human eyes, the fruit may appear most ripe and sweet which is really bitter. The best fruit may not be outwardly appealing. You may see complete disregard for the man's self and over-zealous care for others and assume it is nothing more than a calculated display. Did he assist you because he wanted something in return? Do you believe that his destruction of property is willful, careless, or the result of being clumsy. Is he always late because he is hoping the work will be done before he gets there? Maybe he is always willing because he fears you will press him and find the truth -- he really has nothing better (else) to do. Conjecture may lead some to believe he sometimes intentionally fails for the same reason the proverbial man breaks the dishes. There are innumerable ways to interpret any action.

There are endless types of people and an infinite variety of motives, but let me tell you about one of those people. There is no doubt that his motives are pure, but a desire to do good is never enough to prevent ill from happening. He just fails to see the big picture. In a rush to serve he steps on toes, aggravates tense situations, and even causes physical damage. I write this to ask, should your paths ever cross, to be nice to him. If he does something stupid, try to imagine the intentions were pure. You may not know it is him, but try to assume the best in everyone (just in case it is him). He means well. It's just that he's a Well-Intentioned Idiot....


(A series of posts may follow which could document the antics of this particularly good-hearted bungler.)

Swimming

There is no bottom in the deep end;
If there is, I haven't found it.
For myself, I fear, I cannot fend
If I walk, I'll surely plummet.

I stand and stare,
I want to go there;
I sense reward,
Diving from the board.

I've often wished I could swim the best
I hold my breath and try to float
So I will not sink I wear a vest
Without which I could drown and bloat.

It's more worry than reality,
But panic brings true jeopardy.
If I believed I could do the strokes
I'd swim just as well as other folks.

It's simple to wish and easy to plan.
I'll study. I'll practice. I'll start tomorrow.
But will I do all I am able and can?
I'll have to get over the setbacks and sorrow.
I'll dive and I'll swim, I'll work, and I'll play,
Better and better myself day by day.

Fixing the English Language

All I ask for is consistency. Today's topic will be that of removing exceptions from pluralizing words in the English language. First, the plural forms of "oo" words should have no exceptions (and plural "ee" words should have no exceptions for their singular form either). Examples include: foot -> feet, goose -> geese, and etc. Secondly, the plural form of all "ouse" nouns should be pluralized uniformly to "ice" words. Examples include: mouse -> mice, louse -> lice, etc. I conclude my recommendations by suggesting that we also pluralize our articles to further clarify the words used, and to avoid confusions that arise in the English language due to the superabundance of homonyms. Maybe using these rules in a story will help all understand how they add clarity to communication...

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There once was a disfigured man with three feet named Podshur. His only friends were his four geese, three meese, and a shoop. Having no other comrades nor associates, he spent all his free time rereading thes beek he checked out from the library before he had been banished.

His exile seemed arbitrary and unfair. It really wasn't even Podshur's fault he had soiled thes librarians' blice. Thes trees on either side of the path cast uneven shadows making it difficult to notice any obstacles in the path. As Podshur neared the library, one of thes exposed reet of the gnarled and knotty Bristlecone Pine troos (the landmark from which the Bristlecone Library Branch obtained its name) caught his second left foot. As he tripped he screamed loud enough to startle nearby field grice airborne. Podshur expected his brief splaying lunge to end with a thud, but it was much softer than that. The shade both made the ground difficult to see clearly and prevented thes mud puddles from thes recent spring fleed from drying. Podshur collected his wits and looked up slowly. The timing was awful. The cleaner's deliver boy had rounded the corner just as Podshur went face first into the puddle directly in front of him. The boy stood motionless, boy and blice now splattered with mud.

Before Podshur could raise himself to his feet and wipe his hands off on the back of his tricer, both of thes entry deer at the front of the library swung wide open on their hinges and out poured an excitable crowd of onlookers. Several children had seen the event from thes reading neek in the windows and had called it to everyone else's attention. Before long it looked like a faceoff -- Podshur, his geese, meese, and the shoop versus a mob. Needless to say, Podshur didn't like the jeering leek they were giving him

The fiery and impatient head librarian Ms. Haatemper, saw thes spotted blice and refused to hear any explanation of the events or any apologies. She threw her hand in the air in a demand for silence that hushed even thes owls’ heet and sent mice scurrying. The indignant Ms. Haatemper, lacking in common sense and sound judgment, dragged poor Podshur by his ears inside the library so she could punish him. Short tempers were further inflamed when thes wooden fleer in the library were soiled by Podshur’s muddy beet. His punishment started with having to clean all thes fleer of all thes reem in the building – even those he did not dirty. Though he jumped through all thes heep of punishment that Ms. Haatemper could devise, the final punishment was banishment.

The townspeople aggravated the unhappy situation. Nobody would buy the fabric he made for a living, causing his leem to sit idle. He was not allowed to swim in any of thes peel in any of thes surrounding neighborheed. Though he loved all kinds of ethnic feed, thes town keek wouldn’t make him any food. The grocers wouldn't sell him any food either. He survived on mostly plain rice and beans, making the food last longer by slowly eating thes rice one grain of long-grained enriched white rouse at a time. Fortunately for him, he had a large cellar full of dry geed, or he might have starved. He tried to work outdeer with the farmer’s chickens, but even they would peck and taunt him whenever he walked into any of thes keep. About the time his dry geed were running out, he finally was allowed to reenter society working indeer as a part-time hicekeeper for several of his neighbors.

Poor Podshur.

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See how much clearer that is?

Of Scales and Measurements

There are many types of scales in this world....

There are scales for mass and weights -- place an object to be measured in one side and then incrementally add weights to the other side until the sides balance. Sum the incrementally added weights and you have the weight of the measured object.

There are objective, quantifiable scales -- Selecting a number from 1 to 407, how many words in this blog entry were misused or misspelled? _______

There are subjective personal opinion or judgment scales --On a scale from one to ten (one being "this blog entry is too cool for words" and ten being "I feel uplifted and edified by this blog entry"), how would you rate this blog entry?
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

or...

Select from the following scale the answer that best describes your satisfaction with this blog:
(_) Highly unsatisfied with the rate at which these quality blog entries are posted
(_) Unsatisfied with level of recognition Crutches receives for creativity and originality
(_) Neither unsatisfied with the content nor satisfied with the length
(_) Satisfied.
(_) Highly satisfied with the technological wonders that make this blog possible
(_) I Don't Know how I could be more pleased

Because on a scale from 1 to 10 life is too short to be taken too seriously all the time, I suggest an altogether new type of scale. This type of scale combines the benefits of all the previous types without compromising on the ability to confuse and obfuscate. This type can be used to explore new depths of utility-less-ness. A Crutch scale is formed by combining numerical quantification with subjective unquantifiable descriptors.

Place your level of hunger on a scale from 1 to hungry...
On a scale from one to hungry, I'm pretty hungry.

It is particularly useful for indecisive people who can modify any scale to accommodate their indecision. For instance, if asked, "On a scale from 1 to 10, indicate your preference for each of the following: Chinese, Mexican, Italian, or American food", the sluggish decision maker could respond with an emphatic, "I'm 100% in flavor of eating."

Studies have shown that on a scale from one to Useful in Everyday Life, this new type of scale is somewhere between Very Fun and 57.3.

Now, I adjure you. Go forth and experiment, then come back and tell me how you used a Crutch scale.

Working with People

In order to get along in this world one needs to know how to work with different types of people. Needless to say, some people are harder to work with than others. I readily admit that many would say (and probably rightly so) as much about me, but this is my blog and my time to vent.

For example: there are whiners, complainers, needy individuals, those that want YOU to do THEIR work, masters of melodrama, those that want to be and to be treated as though they were leaders even though they are not supposed to be and are thereby being counterproductive, people that have no respect for other people's time, ones that do not listen, those that insist that you hang on every word they say and respond appropriately while simultaneously refusing on all grounds to afford you even a modicum of the same courtesy, those that dress and act unprofessionally, and .... Anyway, there are people that exhibit some of these traits, and then there are those that are unfortunate enough to exhibit all of them. I was once asked the following question by one such individual. What then follows is the response I wanted, but could not bring myself to speak.

"Why do you want me to use YOUR work so much?"

"It isn't that at all. I don't have a preference whose work you use. I only care that the results do what they are supposed to do. My stuff does what is required, works now, and has for over a month (as we have already discussed several times). Your stuff didn't work then and still doesn't. Even if it successfully did what YOU want it to, it still would not be doing what is required. Add the fact that you keep pulling me away from my assigned work to help you resolve and debug your stuff (that doesn't do as much as mine does, AND doesn't work), and you start to see why I keep telling you to just use my work. So, I guess the real question is why are YOU so attached to YOUR work?"

Public Transportation and Public Intoxication

I originally wrote this story down, as a comment, in response to a friend's blog entry. I modify it slightly here and thought I would re-post it as a way of keeping it in my own archive. Besides, not all my friends know Cindy or read her blog (see the post that inspired this one at http://laserlady.blogspot.com/2008/01/thoughts-on-bus.html), so you otherwise never would have seen or heard the story. Anyway, ...

I had an experience with a drunk on a bus while on my mission. My companion and I got on the bus and I stood with arm raised to hold the hand rail. The man, seated behind me, waited a number of minutes before his desire to hold my hand strengthened sufficiently to muster the courage to act. There were a couple hurdles that would have to be overcome if the attempt was to be successful. Being too short to reach my hand and too drunk to see it, he reached instead for a known target – my armpit. Having caught me from behind by furtive approach and sneak attack, I had not the space on the packed bus nor scarcely any time to recoil before he was feeling his way up my arm and pulling it down so he could grip my hand. “Do you know what this is?” he asked while staring into my eyes, squeezing my hand between both his, and intertwining his filthy, odoriferous fingers between mine. “This is love; brotherly love.” At this point I responded with a sardonic “That’s nice,” and a (thankfully truthful) “Excuse me. This is our stop”. I pulled the stop request cord with my free hand while simultaneously attempting to extricate my appendage from the tangle of the man’s arms and digits. The man exited the bus with us and asked if he could join us wherever we were going. Gratefully, we prevailed upon him to let us go on without him, and we left the encounter only with the added knowledge of what “Brotherly love” really was.

Learning to Pack Light

I thought I would point out some things that I've learned in all of my recent travels about how to pack light.



1. When you know that you are going to be working or spending all of your time indoors, without the opportunity to be outside for more time than is required to walk to your car, leave the sunblock.


2. When you do not already have a regular routine of exercise and will be on travel (where predictable schedules are nonexistent and new rituals and habits are nearly impossible to form), don't pretend like you are going to start exercising while on the trip. Leave the workout clothes at home. If you cannot be dissuaded and the dillusion persists, limit yourself to one set of workout clothes.



3. When you're up against the baggage weight limit, get rid of the microwave popcorn.