According to our history, there are those who may wonder if we're on track for having another baby this year. The answer is yes, and no. We were definitely feeling ready to have another baby, and have been struggling with deciding the timing for months. So in January we did indeed get pregnant. I didn't really have any symptoms early on, as was the case with Arc's pregnancy, so even though I felt a little unsure - I used my history to just convince myself we were having another girl and we felt pretty good about things. I went in for my first appointment with the midwife at about 11 weeks. I was pretty excited that she offered to do a little ultrasound instead of just the regular heartbeat check.
Unfortunately, all she couldn't find much, and no heartbeat. So she suggested I was probably having a "missed" miscarriage - which is where you have a miscarriage, but your body doesn't actually start the process of getting rid of the evidence. She scheduled an appointment for me the next morning for a full ultrasound at the hospital. I thanked her, left, and called Pmc.
After two more ultrasounds, spaced 6 days apart, it was clear that only a 6 week fetal pole had developed with an 8 week sac. This was a really long week, and though I wanted my body to just take action on its own, I also felt really emotionally drained and ready for something to happen. So I followed my midwife's advice, which was to take medication which would start the process. She told me it could be pretty painful, so I should have a day without the kids. My sweet mother-in-law offered to take them for the day and I spent a day all by myself watching tv and working on sewing projects. I haven't done something so lazy in a long time. I actually didn't get that sick that day, and rather enjoyed the time off. It wasn't until a couple days later that I started to just feel cramps all the time for a week or so. So the end of March ended up being a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I felt really okay with it logically, but my emotions were pretty wound up. I had gained quite a bit of weight already in the pregnancy, which had frustrated me, and my body didn't get rid of it like it normally does at the end of pregnancy. So I felt pretty lousy physically even aside from the pain. Pmc was so supportive, but it was certainly hard on him emotionally too. He felt so ready for another baby and felt like we had chosen our timing very carefully, so it was really disappointing to know we wouldn't be having a baby when we wanted that baby to come!
We took the time to attempt as best we could to explain to the kids what was happening. It was really interesting to see them process it all. I love what Cpc came up with.
He was so understanding of it. He loves having a little brother and
sister, and he really would like another one! Arc on the other hand -
every time we ask if she wants a little brother or sister she says "NO"
just about as firmly as you can without it sounding angry! After I started feeling better I made sure to take each of the kids on a little mommy date to let them know how much I love each of them - Cpc loved his trip to Red Mango!
