Sunday, June 30, 2013
June Happenings
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Parenting
I think I finally have one of my computer issues figured out - which means I can at least write a blog post on the computer instead of my phone. Not that the phone isn't fantastic - but sometimes I just want to TYPE! Come to think of it, sometimes I just want to write, but that isn't exactly something that works for the blog. We are still having a few other computer issues, which means I need to do pictures via phone posts to the blog, which I will do - I just have some things I need to write about. So get ready, here comes a whole lot of blah, blah, blah!
I'll start out with two books I've read recently. The first is "Tools of the Mind" and it is a Child Development book, mostly about education. It really has some great insights that really hit home with me, and have really helped me use my time as a mother better. I have come to understand just how "play" helps children's minds develop, particularly the self-regulation skills that are so important for things like starting school. People talk so much about helping kids to learn to sit still, listen to a teacher, and keep your hands to yourself - which I completely agree are vital skills to learn before starting school - but I've always felt like it's not just practicing it that helps them learn it. These self-regulation skills are developed in a much deeper sense through pretend play and I'm grateful that we get to practice this all summer. I've seen Cpc really grow in self-regulation through doing this, but we still have a ways to go. I ended up buying this book because I am going to be referencing it often for the next few years. It's definitely more textbook-like than many parenting books - but I think it's a thousand times more valuable than most parenting books I've read. And it's based on research!
The second is "The Whole-Brain Child." Which has also become a fantastic resource. I also decided to go ahead and buy this one, because I also feel like it is an excellent thing to refer back to - especially because it has a little chart in the back for quick reference. Anyway, I often pick up books or read articles that refer to these "Revolutionary strategies" that they contain - only to discover they are not really revolutionary strategies at all, but more common sense stuff. Maybe some parents really do need those - but I've spent the majority of my life studying and working with children, so a lot of times I just feel like that stuff is fluff! This book really does have some solid stuff, based in brain science - which it includes explanations of, presented in a very parent-friendly way. These techniques have especially helped Cpc with his anxiety already, and our family has become a much calmer place lately due to these strategies!
Speaking of Cpc - I have some things I need to write about concerning him. A couple months ago we were really starting to worry about him. Even though we felt like we were trying our hardest to keep up with his needs - his sensory symptoms seemed to be growing faster than we could figure out what was happening. I even started to notice him doing an excessive amount of hand-flapping. Now there are plenty of people who say "what's wrong with hand-flapping"? I mean really, nothing. I have no problem with it really. He can flap those hands all he wants. But to me it was a sign. It was a symptom. It was telling me he was not getting his needs met. That made me nervous. Because if he's not getting his sensory needs met, other issues develop, and it can really start to delay development of other things. It also made me start wondering if he really does have Aspergers - and that it didn't matter what we did - he would just start showing more and more signs. I've heard of that happening. So what if he does have Aspergers? I mean I'm okay with that too - it just means a lot of work as a mother. As parents. And that is hard. I totally respect parents whose kids have Aspergers, I know quite a few of them, and that is hard hard hard work! However, with the resolving of some of his constipation and bladder issues, using some of these brain strategies to cope with his anxiety, as well as making an even more concerted effort to keep some more things routine and low-key (like a sleep schedule, wearing his weighted compression vest, and simplifying our extra-curricular activities) - the hand-flapping has disappeared and so have many of the other symptoms. We read through the list of Aspergers symptoms the other night and discovered he really has resolved most of the social issues we were worried about. He still has a hard time reading boundaries with people - but he's still young enough people just think it's cute, which gives us some time to really work on teaching those things. His eye contact is FANTASTIC right now, he will almost always look at you when you're having a conversation. I am just so stinkin' proud of his hard work!
Last thing for this post is a little bit about being a Mother. Pmc and I were talking recently about something we've struggled with ever since we became parents. It's this issue with me feeling like he just doesn't get why I'm bothered at him sometimes when he is using his time on certain things. We FINALLY figured it out. I like to refer to it as the Mother vs. Parent role. When Pmc is at work, I am a Mother - and I am also at work. I love my job. He loves his job. But when we get "off work" we are very grateful to be done and to get something of a break. For him it is easy to define "off work". For me, not so much - because I'm still in the same place with the same people, doing basically the same things. However, my role shifts. I become a Parent instead of a Mother. As a Parent we are working together, I am not fully in charge, and I expect and need help. I am not a Mother who gives Pmc permission to go do something else, but rather a co-parent who would like consulting before I am suddenly expected to switch back into Mother role. This little understanding has created so much peace in our home. Pmc is and always has been a great, involved, engaged Father - he just didn't always realize that some of the things he did were shifting me back into Mother role when I wanted to be in Parent role.
Speaking of Cpc - I have some things I need to write about concerning him. A couple months ago we were really starting to worry about him. Even though we felt like we were trying our hardest to keep up with his needs - his sensory symptoms seemed to be growing faster than we could figure out what was happening. I even started to notice him doing an excessive amount of hand-flapping. Now there are plenty of people who say "what's wrong with hand-flapping"? I mean really, nothing. I have no problem with it really. He can flap those hands all he wants. But to me it was a sign. It was a symptom. It was telling me he was not getting his needs met. That made me nervous. Because if he's not getting his sensory needs met, other issues develop, and it can really start to delay development of other things. It also made me start wondering if he really does have Aspergers - and that it didn't matter what we did - he would just start showing more and more signs. I've heard of that happening. So what if he does have Aspergers? I mean I'm okay with that too - it just means a lot of work as a mother. As parents. And that is hard. I totally respect parents whose kids have Aspergers, I know quite a few of them, and that is hard hard hard work! However, with the resolving of some of his constipation and bladder issues, using some of these brain strategies to cope with his anxiety, as well as making an even more concerted effort to keep some more things routine and low-key (like a sleep schedule, wearing his weighted compression vest, and simplifying our extra-curricular activities) - the hand-flapping has disappeared and so have many of the other symptoms. We read through the list of Aspergers symptoms the other night and discovered he really has resolved most of the social issues we were worried about. He still has a hard time reading boundaries with people - but he's still young enough people just think it's cute, which gives us some time to really work on teaching those things. His eye contact is FANTASTIC right now, he will almost always look at you when you're having a conversation. I am just so stinkin' proud of his hard work!
Last thing for this post is a little bit about being a Mother. Pmc and I were talking recently about something we've struggled with ever since we became parents. It's this issue with me feeling like he just doesn't get why I'm bothered at him sometimes when he is using his time on certain things. We FINALLY figured it out. I like to refer to it as the Mother vs. Parent role. When Pmc is at work, I am a Mother - and I am also at work. I love my job. He loves his job. But when we get "off work" we are very grateful to be done and to get something of a break. For him it is easy to define "off work". For me, not so much - because I'm still in the same place with the same people, doing basically the same things. However, my role shifts. I become a Parent instead of a Mother. As a Parent we are working together, I am not fully in charge, and I expect and need help. I am not a Mother who gives Pmc permission to go do something else, but rather a co-parent who would like consulting before I am suddenly expected to switch back into Mother role. This little understanding has created so much peace in our home. Pmc is and always has been a great, involved, engaged Father - he just didn't always realize that some of the things he did were shifting me back into Mother role when I wanted to be in Parent role.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Narnia for Memorial Day
We spent our holiday weekend at the cabin. It was a beautiful weekend!
On the way up we let the kids watch Cars. Even though Cpc has seen it a thousand times...he still felt this excited about the race at the beginning. Cdc also sat there rooting for Chick Hicks...purely because he is green, and Cdc still loves green.
On our first day cousins had not yet arrived. The boys were pretty quiet upstairs so I went to check on them and found they had gotten out Life, set it up and were playing it all on their own!
All the cousins that were there on the playset. We love cousins, and a wonderful place to gather together!
On the way up we let the kids watch Cars. Even though Cpc has seen it a thousand times...he still felt this excited about the race at the beginning. Cdc also sat there rooting for Chick Hicks...purely because he is green, and Cdc still loves green.
On our first day cousins had not yet arrived. The boys were pretty quiet upstairs so I went to check on them and found they had gotten out Life, set it up and were playing it all on their own!
All the cousins that were there on the playset. We love cousins, and a wonderful place to gather together!
Fun Stories
A few fun things happened this week that I would love to remember. Cpc is a sweetheart!
On Friday evening while Pmc was at school I told the kids we could have a little extra reading time. So I grabbed "Henry and Beezus" which we are reading with Cpc, and told Cdc to go choose 3 books as I sat down on the couch - assuming that Cpc would sit down beside me. Instead he jumped up and ran towards his room. Assuming he was going to try to pick books for Cdc, which is not unusual, I asked him what he was doing with a rather hasty tone of voice. He responded with a sweet "I'm just getting a brush so I can do your hair while you read." This kid knows the way to mommy's heart! So while I read he brushed, for a good 15 minutes. Then, he finally started getting tired and started scooting down by my side and brushing less. Of course I never want that to stop so I said "bud, you can keep going" in my sly style. To which he responded "I'll keep brushing while I count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five." Sweetheart!
Today at church Cpc leaned over to me during the announcements before the sacrament and said "mom, can I go out in the hall to say a prayer?" To which I asked "why?". Cpc said "I said a bad word yesterday and I haven't asked Heavenly Father for forgiveness yet, and I really want to take the sacrament. That's my favorite part." We all could learn a thing or two from that huh? I unfortunately haven't been able to get out of him what the bad word he said was. All he would tell me was that it was a mean name. I guess he's got that covered between him and the Lord though!
On Friday evening while Pmc was at school I told the kids we could have a little extra reading time. So I grabbed "Henry and Beezus" which we are reading with Cpc, and told Cdc to go choose 3 books as I sat down on the couch - assuming that Cpc would sit down beside me. Instead he jumped up and ran towards his room. Assuming he was going to try to pick books for Cdc, which is not unusual, I asked him what he was doing with a rather hasty tone of voice. He responded with a sweet "I'm just getting a brush so I can do your hair while you read." This kid knows the way to mommy's heart! So while I read he brushed, for a good 15 minutes. Then, he finally started getting tired and started scooting down by my side and brushing less. Of course I never want that to stop so I said "bud, you can keep going" in my sly style. To which he responded "I'll keep brushing while I count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five." Sweetheart!
Today at church Cpc leaned over to me during the announcements before the sacrament and said "mom, can I go out in the hall to say a prayer?" To which I asked "why?". Cpc said "I said a bad word yesterday and I haven't asked Heavenly Father for forgiveness yet, and I really want to take the sacrament. That's my favorite part." We all could learn a thing or two from that huh? I unfortunately haven't been able to get out of him what the bad word he said was. All he would tell me was that it was a mean name. I guess he's got that covered between him and the Lord though!
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