I've finally managed my time in a way that will allow me to write an update. For the few who read our blog often, this post may be a welcome indication that we're still alive.
I have lots to write about, but none of it is even remotely relevant to anyone but myself. If anyone else finds this helpful or even amusing, it will be a small miracle. I, however, need a suitable venue to express and record the wonderful emotions that have filled my life for the past few months as I have pondered my transition from life as 'pmc' to life as 'dad'.
I feel justified in putting it that way because, come June (or thereabouts), my life will become largely defined not by me individually, but by my family. Most of this country may feel that fatherhood is an unfair reality for a man to face - but not me. The day I become a father is one I have looked forward to with great anticipation as long as I can remember. I've never thought once that life would be better without children. I haven't considered the possibility that I may have better served myself by waiting until I had finished school, or bought a house. I do not mean to say that my way is the only way, but simply that it is the only way for me. I have known that, and lived that way, for a long time.
When I began high school, my guy friends from Evergreen Jr. High bonded easily with a group of girls from Olympus Jr. High early in my sophomore year. As we all began to be found together more and more, the girls thought it would be fun to give us guys secret names so that we wouldn't know whom they were talking about when they engaged in girlish whimsy. We later discovered these secret names to be based on our personalities. When we obtained the note that provided the key to the girls' labeling scheme, I was hurt. Our features had been morphed into cars, and while my two best friends were labeled as a Jaguar and a Formula 1 Racer, I was distinguished as a station wagon. What 16-year-old boy wants to be likened to a station wagon? For a long time that bothered me, but now that I have matured beyond the egocentrism of the teenage mind, I appreciate that my focus on preparing for a family was evident even then.
Majoring in Human Development and Family Studies isn't exactly a popular choice among men at the U either. But it doesn't have to be popular to be right for me. I have truly loved all of the learning I've experienced over the past year or so, and I look forward to continuing for another one. I feel like my talents in communicating and understanding children are being enhanced, and I'm anxious to undertake parenting and test myself; or rather, have children to test me. I'm sure that those of you reading this who already have children are chuckling a bit, thinking I'm so naive to think that I'm actually prepared for this. You may be right about that, but I can honestly say that I'm as prepared as possible, and that's a good start. One recurring thought in my mind is that parenting is a process, not an event. You don't become a parent the day your child is born - it happens day by day as they grow older and present new challenges for the family to face together. One concept that has stuck out to me perhaps more than any other from my classes is an idea called the Family Systems Theory. Think of a series of gears, with each person of your family as a gear. Each gear is connected, so that that when one gear moves, all the other do as well. I think this is the most effective way to think of a family - a system where each persons actions, good and bad, have an effect on all the other parts of the family.
The aspect of pregnancy which I have enjoyed the most has been shopping. I love looking at strollers, portable cribs, clothes, carriers, pacifiers, and even diapers, just imagining how familiar each object is about to become to me. I can't see a little bottle without imagining my little boy holding it. This has been most fun when I've seen things that I love myself, but in miniature size. Yesterday, I saw a very small baseball glove, and imagined teaching my son how to catch and throw. (It was also great to see "Baby's First Red Sox Shirt!")
More than all of this though, the thoughts that have consumed me most have been of my wonderful wife. We've come so far together, and if you've known her for a while, you probably know that she's had it rough. But we both have learned how to deal with that, and life isn't so hard anymore. I'm am personally invigorated when I think of raising a family alongside her. She's the perfect companion to mesh with my parenting style, and though I'm sure we won't be perfect parents, we'll have good shot to come close if we communicate with each other a lot, and with the Lord even more.
My number one goal in life is to always put family first. That is the thing that is most
important to me.
P.S. Maybe I'll have atec report on our week!!!
