>> Monday, May 12, 2008
5/12/2008 10:19:00 PM
it feels weird that this time, i'm the only psykdelic who took part in the play. sometimes, i felt real lost 'cause i happened to be the oldest girl amongst the female chorus and the other girls were around the same age.BUT, this play is a testimony of God's goodness and anointing on the Creative Ministry in our church. we only practiced intensively about 2 weeks before the play and we almost couldn't pull it off 'cause we were still raw and unpolished in almost every scene. still, i can safely say that people were impacted by the play and they went back thinking about what the play really meant to them and how they identified with the 8 lead characters.
God, You really know.
>> Thursday, May 01, 2008
5/01/2008 07:41:00 PM
1 more week to the end.it is long-anticipated and highly-awaited. 10 weeks have gone by, but in many ways, it really seems more than 10 weeks. i wonder if it was because we were not having fun which is why it totally seems longer than that. even a fellow colleague told me, it feels like she's seen me since forever at the 7-week mark.
even then, i'm still feeling jittery about teaching tmr. it's the last lesson with the monsters (i refuse to change their nicknames to anything nicer) and i'm still getting crap from my CT about them. what i feel, is that my CT is more concerned with what the HOD thinks of her rather than what the class stands to gain out of her teaching. i don't deny she is committed and willing to give time to make sure they do enough work but still, what's the practice when there's no heart?
all i can say is, God has been so faithful and i really can't imagine if i didn't even have Him in my life. i think about all my friends who don't know God and are gg through the same situation as i am - how can they have hope to carry on, if there is no God? because for me, without God, i won't still be here. indeed, He is my everything and my all.
how could i forget His love?
how could i forget His mercy?
>> Thursday, April 17, 2008
4/17/2008 01:11:00 PM
I did this quite a while back. Let's see, it was last modified on 3 January 2008. I was playing with Photoshop then. Itchy fingers. The colours aren't very psychedelic, eh? I probably didn't feel like something too bright then.So I'm having my mid-semester break now. Quite sian that Vene's didn't coincide with mine. If it did, we would be travelling around Australia. Right, Vene? =)
I've been staying home most of the time 'cuz there isn't much to do and I still have quite a bit of readings to catch up with. But that's okay 'cuz most of the time is spent chatting with #2.
I'll be in Tasmania next Thursday to Sunday though. Can't wait. My plans to go to the Cadbury factory tour in Hobart, Tasmania were ruined because they only have a tour at 1.30 on Thursday and I won't be able to get there on time. SIGH. Ah well, at least I get to do some travelling in Sydney during my stay here.
The weather's getting pretty cold now. The highest for the past few days has been 19 or 20 degrees. It's like having the air-conditioning switched on the entire day. It's worse when the wind blows. The temperature in Hobart was 14 degrees yesterday. I'll experience winter before it comes. AHH. I'm just wondering what I would think of the Singapore weather when I get back. Vene says that the minute I step out of the plane, I'll feel very sticky.
The sun has been setting super early as well. It is dark by 6pm. Well, maybe it's also because daylight savings have ended. Walking back to my car after classes end would be an adventure. It might give me reason to call home.
I ought to get back to my boring readings, which I can't understand but still am supposed to write reflections on. RAA. I LOVE YOU ALL!
>> Tuesday, April 15, 2008
4/15/2008 07:23:00 PM
the end really does seem a bit closer now. and more tangible. but at the same time, it does feel like it'll still take a while.ernie and i were saying, we just take 1 day at a time. if we think too far ahead, the future's even more elusive and hence, demoralising.
last week, i activated a prayer network for my final observation with my supervisor and math CT. it was super encouraging for ppl to reply 'OK', or 'hang in there' and 'you can do it!'. it was a reality bite when aunty choy replied "in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you'.
and fact is, i really haven't been thanking God at all. all i've been doing is asking God why He is doing this to me, why I have to feel this way and why, why, why.. you get the point. in other words, all i have been doing is complain all the way without thanking God for bringing me through this period.
and so, yesterday, although all i wanted to do was complain and ask God why again, i just started to verbalise my thanks.
thank You Jesus for taking me this far.
thank You Jesus for giving me a nice EL CT and sup.
thank You Jesus that there are still kids who wanna learn despite the rest of the monsters..
the list went on for about 10-15 min and although i found myself running out of things to say, i kept going because really, God deserves it. and like ernie says, i've been focusing too much on the situation/circumstance that i'm in that i've forgotten how to praise God despite what i think/feel. and really, although i still feel dread everyday, i remind myself to thank God - because it is the will of God for me. i mean, maybe this is my low point for this period of time, but i know i will find my victory someday. maybe this low point ends when the 10 wks is up but until then, i will keep choosing to praise and thank my God.
>>
4/15/2008 09:34:00 AM
Just on Sunday at 7.45am worship, I realized how my focus has gone a little messed up from all the busyness and the work and whatnot. It’s been a pretty hectic six weeks but I’m thankful that I am coming out of it pretty ok so far (as for the 3 and a half years, I won’t think about it as yet).It’s like as we were singing “I adore”. God just showed me a glimpse of His greatness. The universe is at His feet, the stars light the sky for Him. It’s an awesome God we worship. A God so great that even the most majestic and wonderful of things give Him praise. I was reminded that that’s what I was made for- to give Him praise. My primary purpose- to bring Him praise in everything that I do. It was like God telling me that above all that’s happening, keep up with the praises.
It struck me that I was just focusing on the situations happening around me, not completely forgetting about God but just forgetting the fact that I should in every situation give Him praise first. So that’s what I decided to do.
I used to wonder how people can write songs that sound like questions. Think “how great is our God”, “how great You are”. Call this an occupational hazard but anything starting with these 5 Wives, 1 Husband thingys is supposed to be questions. But I realized that it’s almost like rhetoric. How great is our God? Does anyone really know? Yeah, we know our God is great, our God is big, strong and mighty. We don’t deny. We can’t. But how great is great? That we don’t know. That’s the awesomeness of God. So great so mighty, so awesome so wonderful. Simply indescribable.
And looking back, yeah, Sunday's songs did have that theme of worship- about how God deserves the “highest praise”, and that “my soul MUST sing”, and how God’s wonder leaves us amazed, but in all it’s His greatness that we can never comprehend. That greatness we will and must sing about because there’s no limit and no end, but there’ll always be more to come.
That's how wonderful our God is.
>> Wednesday, April 02, 2008
4/02/2008 08:25:00 AM
you know the feeling of waking up every morning and asking God "how do i get through today?" i think #1 and i get it everyday, and we really ask God to get us through the day. always. for me, i've come to realise that unless God's presence is right with me from the start of the day, i cannot get on at all. unless i know God's covering and anointing is over me, there is no way i will survive at all. simply because He really is everything to me.when i'm sitting in the staffroom and it's just so quiet, i actually have to play some music and plug in just to calm my nerves. it's better these days, as compared to the earlier days. i used to always (ok, i still do) wake up and feel like throwing up because my stomach felt so queasy from the nervousness. it wasn't funny, of course but i really couldn't help it.
as the countdown to the end of officially teaching (cuz of the mid-yrs), i think about what helped pull me through and i hope this helps you to get you out of whatever rut you're actually in.
theme songs for faith and hope and whatever you desperately need:
1. "blessed be Your Name" by matt redman
2. "still" by hillsong
3. "because he lives" by william and gloria gaither
4. "and that my soul knows very well" by hillsong
5. "made me glad" by hillsong
6. "in my life Lord (be glorified)"
7. "big" by planetshakers
8. "when i think about the Lord"
just keep this on repeat mode when the days get too tough to handle and i can guarantee you feel like you just wanna throw your hands up in the air just to say "God, You really know!" because He really does. and i think being able to talk to ppl on MSN throughout the day helps, esp when you feel the loneliest and down-est.
so, here's to getting through everything.
for His purpose, for His glory.
>> Monday, March 31, 2008
3/31/2008 05:47:00 PM
It’s been a frustrating five weeks. Most of it stemming from the fact that time doesn’t seem to move and battling monsters in the form of Lesson Plans as well as having to deal with ‘freedom of speech’, ‘individualism’, ‘welfarism’ and having to ‘build self-esteem’ of teenagers who already possess more than enough of all those qualities. And the thing is, while you might think- 5 weeks more to go. It’s actually 3 and a half more years to go.It sucks waking on a Saturday and seeing the sun up in the sky and thinking, “what day is it? Am I late for school?” or spending nights off school thinking about what to do for some lesson later that week. My utmost respect goes to the individuals who have survived and are surviving outside of the required amount of time. Or to those who want to keep doing it. I don’t think I could, and/or want to do that- especially right now.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Yeah it doesn’t help that I originally wanted to be elsewhere. I still want to be at that elsewhere. I don’t know how much of a difference it is there but maybe I’d like it better somehow since it’s an individual choice. Oh well. Humans are known to never be satisfied.
Makes me wonder what I was like a student. I don’t remember being like that. But then I guess most of us were in environments where none of these were prevalent. By a strange twist of fate, we are all put into an oh-so-unfamiliar familiar environment and then told to sink or swim.
I find sleep eluding me on Sunday nights especially. Will wake up at regular intervals during the night because somehow I can’t sleep through the night. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid I’ll oversleep or maybe I should have just stayed up all the way.
Sorry Baby. Didn’t know you were so stressed the past few weeks. Hope things are better and you wake up feeling better and less stressed. Am always here for you.
Bubbles and Bam! Hope you two are having fun down under.
Love you all loads.
