Home is Where the Heart is

Looks like I didn't change my blog to suit the festive spirit xD

Sowie~

That being said, loads of things have changed since my last post.
Namely...

Exams.

Urgh. They're out to kill you. When you thought you're well prepared, they just jump right in front of your face, rearing their ugly sides, proving you wrong =.=

Anyways, evil thoughts aside, MEL'S BACK! :D

Welcome back Miss White ;p
I wonder if you've gained some weight and look less white than before xD

Funny thing was, Mel called me while I was in the drive-thru. The MCD's on the way back home.

Mel: PEI LI! ARE YOU DONE WITH YOUR EXAMS??
Me: Er...Yea. Just finished it.
Mel: GREAT! QUICKLY COME DOWN! WE'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF IMU!! :D
Me:....Er....Mel...I left IMU like...10 minutes ago.
Mel: Oh... :(

Sorry mel :x You really should have told me earlier. Or called me 10 minutes earlier when I was still in IMU xD

Ah well. There's always the 31st ;D

And Yee Wen called too! :)
So touched that you thought of me after your trip ;D
And no. I wasn't thinking about gifts. Haha. But I appreciate the thought and effort ;)

Thanks for the penguin :p

Right guys. Gotta go study for OSCE =.=
Hope the SP's don't pull any funny stunts on me or I will personally scream, at them. After punching them. After crying in front of them. After strangling the lecturers so that they won't know.

If they're gonna complain to me about leg pain, tummy pain or just PAIN in general, or fatigue, I swear I'm gonna go all beserk.

Too bad it won't give me any marks :(

Btw, a belated Merry Christmas to my loyal fans xD

*cough cough*

29th December 2009

This christmas is gonna be a rather sad event for me :(

Not only do I have to suffer in the evil clutches of the evil that is known as the EXAMS OF IMU, or, EOI, or, EOS, as it is officially recognized by students and lecturers alike, but I would be celebrating Christmas with less people than before. Well, less close people than before anyways :p

With the old, comes the new. Same thing applies to my friends. With the old leaving me one by one, the new comes in too. As we grow up, the friends we make tend to be less close to us. We share less things and are not as intimate. Well, to me anyway.

But, I have vowed to change. One step at a time.

But I digress :p

Walking in the mall just last week with Lai Mun, Yan Leng and Tsing, made me realize how much I miss my friends who have left already. Of course, I am currently referring to two people who have always treated me well and loved me for who I am ;)

Dianne and Yee Wen :)

Passing by all the penguins that are being sold right now really made me felt it. Funny way huh? All my recent penguins were their gifts :p

Also, out of reflex, I would often look out for horsies, or anything unique that can be gifted. The former being Yee Wen's fave, and the latter being something Dianne would like.

Then it would slowly strike my mind.

How do I give it to them?

:(

Not a very happy thought during this festive season eh?
Doesn't help with all the little booths and stores placed strategically on the walkways in all major shopping complexes.

I guess I should thank my evil nemesis, EOS, for confining me to either IMU or home then :p

On the happier note, MELLY IS COMING BACK AFTER MY EXAMS! :D
Or should I say, during my exams :p
We were making so many jokes of how Lai Mun and Melly would miss each other in the airport and that their planes would somehow intersect. Haha.

Well Melly, you've given me a Christmas present already :p
Your return.

Awwww....so sweet :p

And mushy :x

15th December 209

1 : the state of being friends
2 : the quality or state of being friendly

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Part 1

'Its my first day, its my first day, its my first day...' , I kept chanting in my head. I was excited of course! As would any normal 7 year old would. It was my first day of school! But even with all that excitement, I felt a small twinge of dismay. Both mum and dad wouldn't be around because of their work. They had to work extra hard due to the recent downturn of the economy. Even grandpa and grandma wouldn't be around because they had to take care of my younger brother. Oh well...

Shaking my thoughts, I look around me. All of them are as excited as me. It was a whole bus load of 7 year-olds. There was a lot of chattering as people who knew each other started talking. Of course, being in a small town-like area, some people were bound to end up in the same primary school from kindergarten.

At last, the bus stopped. 'Finally!', I thought. As I got down, it seems everyone is just as excited as I am. Trying not to look at the children who have their parents in tow, I start looking for my class.

'HEY!', someone yelled. I turned around. A larger girl was running towards me. Then again, everyone was larger compared to me, due to my small stature. She panted after she caught up with me. 'Hey!', she exclaimed. 'Huh? Er...Yes?', I asked.

'Aww, c'mon. Don't you know me? I sat right next to you earlier! And I didn't get to ask your name either. My name's Hazel', she exclaimed while holding her hands out to shake mine.

'Er...Oh. Ehehe. Right. I'm Alexis', I blushed as I reached to shake her hand.
'Eh? Alexis? That sounds like a guy's name...Ah well. I'll just call you Alexis! Alright?' She grinned after shaking my hand.
'Er...sure? Why not?', I smiled.
'Oh yea!!! C'mon!! I know where our classes are! Let's go let's go!', she said while grabbing my hands and literally dragging me to my class.

'Here we are! Looks like this is our class!', she exclaimed.
'Er...eh? Ok.', I nod, a little disorientated.

I glanced the classroom. Half the class was already filled with students. Being 7 year-old, everyone was shouting, running, yelling, talking and just playing around. Occasionally, there would be 1 or 2 quiet ones who would just watch the entire thing while seated.

'C'mon! Let's get seated!'. Grabbing my hand, she dragged me again to 2 seats situated in the middle of the classroom.
'Mmm...'kay'. I put my bag down and continued looking at my surroundings.

My class was like any normal government school. The floor was just cement, smoothed up by the years of wear and tear. The walls were white, littered with graffiti and shoe marks. The windows were the individual glass panes, but dusty after all those years of neglect. However, the class still had a comfortable feel to it.

'Looks like I'll be just fine here' I thought to myself while smiling.

Little did I know...this was just the calm before the storm.
I was about to go through hell.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Short story to help keep my english in check. I think my english has deteriorated >.<
If you see any grammatical errors, assuming you actually read all the way here, please let me know :)
Critiques are welcomed.
Let the flamming begin.

8th December 2009

These are all of my painful experiences explained in poetry style~ Each stanza represents one story.
Last reflection before I continue studying t.t

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I've always wanted to laugh
Cry, and talk beside you.
But I also understood that you needed to be away.
As much as this pains me, I know.
I just know.

If only I picked the right ones.
I regretted choosing you.
You never stood by my side
No matter how much I told you about it.
But you made me what I am.

Why did you do this to me?
I didn't do anything to you.
Over domineering you are.
But I kept quiet.

If only I had been more adamant.
But still...why?
The betrayal that I felt was painful.
It hurt.
It hurt so much...

I know you disliked me.
You disliked me for being me.
What was I to do?
I didn't have the power
Nor the courage.

Our decisions made us who we are now.
Some part of me regretted it.
But the other part of me didn't mind it at all.
How much my world would have changed had I chosen that.

Your words were harsh
Your indifference was even more piercing.
I had no idea then.
I do now.
How could I have been so blind?

I misunderstood you.
I'm sorry.
How I wish I could have just said it back then.
I'm sorry...

How I wish time stood still for me at that one moment.
It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
However...
Time waits for no one.
Always moving
Never stopping.

I regretted listening to you.
Because of that, I'm treading on a path.
A path which I pray fervently isn't the wrong one.
It may not be the wrong one.
But is it the right one?

How could I have been so blind yet again?
Once bitten, twice shy.
Yet, I didn't listen to that saying.
I was blinded....again.

Letting you go may have been the wrong decision
But not something to regret.
Who knows how things would have been now?
It isn't my place to say that.
Not anymore...

Last farewell.
It seemed like ages before you left.
But when you did...
It felt like ages since I last saw you...

Seeing you leave made my heart ache
But I didn't cry.
As much as you wanted me to.
Because showing that meant showing to the whole world.
In front of people whom I'm not comfortable of showing it to.
If only it were a more private event.

It felt like only yesterday.
When we were joking and chatting about everything around us.
When you were dishing advice while showing me how fragile I am
Despite the difference in size.
Yet I missed it when you left.
I'm sorry...

Again?
That's what my mind keeps telling me.
One by one, a part of me keeps leaving.
See you...

Yet again?
Sigh.
If you must.

I thought I made the right decision.
Heh.
I must have been stupid and blind.
Like an idiot stumbling through darkness.
Holding nothing but a short stub called a candle.
Making a fool out of myself.

I'm afraid of telling you.
So...so...afraid...
Afraid that you might hate me.
Be disgusted at me.
Wondering what happened to me.

It struck like a sledgehammer.
No...
No...
But it did.
Thanks for being there.

Wow.
News after news.
Its unfair of you to think that I wouldn't be in shock for a while.
But thanks for letting me know.
Really...
Thanks.

Why?
What is this awful feeling I keep feeling...
Too afraid of letting anyone know...
Too afraid of the truth...

Thanks for listening to me.
It helps knowing that I'm not alone.
That there's someone out there who understands.
One who's been thru it.
One who's willing to lend an ear.

Lesson learnt?
Apparently not.
Here we go again.
Its going to be hell..
One hell of a roller coaster ride.
My emotions are ready for that roller coaster ride.
Smack right after a bungee jump.

8th December 2009

Once again, I'm being lazy and shall not upload the pics. Again. Haha.
No ranting today. I'm in a good mood. Just had fish head noodles~ So yummy~~
:p

I'm full. Which means i'm content. I'm also sleepy because I woke up early and dragged myself out of bed *cough cough* Its your fault. You know who you are.

So....I'm here to start a debate! :D
If no one replies in my cbox, i'll just SHAMELESSLY think of it as a debate between myself and the wall. Hah!

And i'll SHAMELESSLY and THICK FACEDLY *no such word but meh..* assume that people read my blog. Haha.

So...Here's the debate. Xanga, Blogger, or something else?
Something else being referring to other blog sites such as wordpress or livejournal or myspace. I dunno >_>

Which one is the best? Xanga was where it all started for me. But since my xanga blog is now on the batch blog, that means no privacy :p Well...almost. Haha. I don't really like people whom I don't know reading my blog. Just friends that I know please :p

Right. The debate. Let's see... What I like about Xanga...

1. Allows you to make certain posts private without making the WHOLE blog private. You can also pick certain people and allow them to read that particular post.
2. Allows you to track who visits your blog.
   
3. Maybe its because Xanga was the first blog I've ever had, I find it easier to customize certain options.
4. And now, I can see which Xanga friend that I've added has updated their blogs, or has commented on my posts.
   

What I hate about Xanga

1. It loads extremely slow at night, when Malaysia's internet is at its SLOWEST peak. Cuz, everyone else from across the world are awake and sapping Malaysia's pathetic bandwith. Don't know if its still slow at night though. And also because I usually blog at night, or at the wee hours of the morning :p
2. Its too much of a hassle if I wanna privatise the posts and allow only certain people to read it because instead of just typing in your e-mail, you would need to create a Xanga account.

Right. Now on to Blogger. What I like about Blogger is

1. Its fast. Full stop. Hahahahaha. *faster than xanga anyway* The last time I used it.
   
2. Also, I can check how many posts I've created so far, how many drafts I have. I don't think Xanga has that.
   
3. It auto saves. So if I accidentally x the browser at least one portion of my post is there. Imagine typing a touching post only to have accidentally x-ed the whole browser =="
4. You can save drafts! I don't think Xanga has it but correct me if I'm wrong.

What I hate about blogger >_>

1. Like I said, maybe its because I'm used to Xanga, I find it hard to customize Blogger.
2. If I wanna have privacy, I would need to make my WHOLE blog private. Then slowly send out invitations. Something which I'm just too lazy to do :p
3. I still have no idea how to repost old pictures that I've uploaded >_> On xanga, they would show me the whole album.
   

Ok fine. Number 3 is actually because I have no idea how. Haha.

Right. Time to take my evening nap.

2nd December 2009

I am not going to post the pictures of my hike :p

Fine! I'm lazy! Happy? Haha. I hate uploading pics because it takes ridiculously long. Unless if I do it at 5am in the morning. When the internet is fast in Malaysia >_>

So I've been thinking, *which is bad since i'm supposed to be studying*, I really wanna change myself. For real. The big step has to be now when i'm still surrounded by people whom I know will back me up if something goes wrong. Not when i'm alone in a foreign land.

Question is...How?
I'm not the type to just initiate conversation just like that. I'm not the type to just randomly go up to people and introduce myself. I'm not one to talk. I listen. I don't initiate conversation, I go with it. But I know, this has to change.
I tried once. I really did. I started a conversation. But it always ends up in awkward silence. I try to keep the conversation flowing but after a while, I just feel so tired mentally I'll just keep quiet.

The problem with humans, or any sociable living animal for that matter, is that they tend to stick with those that talk. Those that are leaders. Hey, i'm sure you'd rather stick with a friend who's friendly than a more quiet friend right? It takes a lot of courage and personality to go up to a quiet friend when you're the center of attention. For example, picture this. You're popular. The center of everything. You have tons of friends. But you notice a lonely figure, feeling left out from everything. Just sitting alone, watching you and all your friends with sad eyes but just sits there. What would you do? Would you leave your position of being with the crowd just to go to that lonely person? I'm sure you won't. You'd most probably look away, pretending you didn't see anything and continue right?

But I digress.

I really want to change but its so deeply ingrained in me to be who I am. Sure, I've changed since high school I will admit. Not much, I think. But change is change. Being more open than before, actually initiating conversation, being much more confident in myself, my view on life in general and my own.
So much has changed. I've changed from that naive, clingy, unconfident, quiet girl to what I am. Still naive, still clingy, slightly more confident, less quiet. Haha. Still learning how to tell between right and wrong, still having problems choosing friends wisely, still finding my place, still searching.

Well, the change is still in progress but I have tried to change myself since starting IMU.
First of all, I've tried to be more friendly by starting conversations. Unfortunately, that didn't go too well as I would often be at a loss as to what to continue the conversations with. Also, I seem to tire easily just by doing all that. It was TOO drastic a change for my mind to handle I guess.

Next, I've tried to change my clothing style. Being in IMU means that we can't really wear t-shirts and jeans. But that doesn't mean I cheated a little :p I do wear t-shirts. With collar. Haha. I wear sneakers. But those that are black, with little design so that the guards won't notice. Unfortunately, the CSU sisters did. Haha. I wear formal pants. Everytime. How did I change?
Well, I decided to go for a more casual formal, semi-formal look. My 'formal' clothes aren't exactly the formal t-shirts. I guess you'll have to see it to understand what i'm trying to say :p I've ditched formal clothes for many reasons. Main reason being, ITS UNCOMFORTABLE DAMMIT. Whoever invented formal clothes must have put COMFORT at the bottom of the list. I have broad shoulders. Wearing a S size meant that its kinda tight at my shoulders. Wearing an M would mean that the shirt looked too big on me ==" Gah. So I gave up wearing formal, wearing it only if I have to.

Next, I changed my hairstyle. Well..if you call leaving my hair long changing my hairstyle. The reason I chopped my hair back in secondary school was because it was such a bother. I could never keep my hair neat. Well...to tell you the truth. The same applies now :p But I've decided to tell myself this. If my hair is long, I can always cut it short. More choices on how to style it xD But if I cut it short...I have limited choices. Well...Its all bullshit seeing as I kinda contradict myself by not cutting it >_> And by cutting it short, it usually means the hairstylists will cut my fringe short. Which is something I absolutely hate for the rest of my life. I don't like having my hair in my eyes.
Unfortunately, as we all know, you tell the hairstylists one thing, they'll insist on cutting it just a little shorter >_>

Well. That's just on the outside. How do I change on the inside? Other than being more outspoken, friendly and communicative? I guess I'll go for being independent for now. Seems like the easiest thing. No?
Sigh. Guess this means its time to try staying in Vista. And see how I suffer xD Still considering it as I don't know how my parents will react. My main concern would be food since i'm so picky :p

Ah well. This seemed more like a rant >_> Sorry. Couldn't help myself xD
Lets see...I guess I should learn by now to never promise to post something since I'll always be too lazy to do so. Haha! The pics...will be up when I feel like it :p
Well...that is, if you wanna see it. I mean, if there are no enthusiastic responses I'll take it as, you've already seen it on facebook and no longer have the interest to see me post repetitive stuff.

So..till then.

1st of December 2009

P.S. Looks like someone is gonna hit the big two-oh tomorrow, the 2nd of December 2009 :p Happy Early Birthday :)

Can't think of anything to make the EPIC post so I shall now post up this tag, which was stolen from stephy's blog. Haha. Looked nice so I thought of doing it.

ABC Questions About You :

A - AVAILABLE : Yup. Of course there are these things called exams now t.t
B - BIRTHDAY : 8 August
C - CRUSHING ON : Hmmmm...who knows? xD
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD : Water
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO : People who I know are my friends and trust.
F - FAVORITE SONG : For now? A japanese song titled ボンゴレ VS ミルフィオーレ - ファミリー ～约束の场所～. Its a looooooong title xD
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS : Gummy Bears. Worms are a little too...uncute xD
H - HOMETOWN : KL/ Klang
I - IN LOVE WITH : My laptop. Its taking the stress of studying
J - JUGGLE : HAHAHAHA. Have you SEEN me juggle? xD
K - KILLED SOMEONE : Nope. For now >.<
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE : From Gunung Tahan and back. I slept and was trying to keep my friend awake.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR : Choco! :D
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS : 1
O - ONE WISH : Who wants to know?
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST : Li Zhen
R- REASON TO SMILE : Knowing that I still have true friends despite everything that has happened to me :)
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD : おねむうた by Junko Takeuchi and Chiang Li Mei. Its a really cute song xD
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : 11.45am. I off my alarm and went back to sleep :x
V - VEGETABLE(S) : Carrots!
W - WORST HABIT : Procrastination. Even now =="
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD : One for my braces
Y – YOYOS ARE : Something I could never do tricks on.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN : Leo.


Random Questions About You :

Spell your name without vowels : W N G P L. If you add my english name, L X S. Haha.
What colour do you wear most? : Black, White and Red. Like Po. Haha
What are you listening to? : Cosplay Party - Neeko
Are you happy with your life right now? : Not too bad.
What is your favorite class in school? : English, Maths and Add Maths.
When do you start back at school/college? : Er...Technically we're done with classes.
Are you outgoing? : Nope. I was worse back in high school though :p I still am, but not that bad
Favorite pair of shoes? : Gimme sneakers anyday
Where do you wish you were right now? : Lying down on my bed, listening to songs while reading a STORY BOOK t.t


THE CANS :

Can you dance? : Ahahahahaha. No.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? : Heh? I'd like to try it out now xD
Can you whistle? : Yup. I can't click my fingers though :(
Write with both hands? : I wish.
Walk with your toes curled?: Yes. But sometimes my legs cramp up when i do that


THE DO'S :

Do you believe there is life on other planets? : You never know.
Do you believe in miracles? : Yes
Do you believe in magic? : No
Love at first sight? : Hmm...maybe?
Do you think there's a Satan? : Yes
Do you believe in Santa? : Nope. Never did
Do you know how to swim? : Can't float though. Haha
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows? : I mean, if I were paid a lot of money then yes? Haha.

THE HAVE'S:

Have you ever been on a plane? : Yes.
Have you ever asked someone out? : Nope.
Have you ever been asked out by someone? : Yup
Have you ever been to the ocean? : Yea...one of the few things that I like. The ocean calms me down.
Have you ever painted your nails? : Yup. With pink. Haha. Cue people going, " WHAT??"

THE WHAT'S:

What is the temperature outside? : Cool I think. Its already midnite.
What radio station do you listen to? : Hitz, Fly, 104.9...I channel surf sometimes.
What was the last restaurant you ate at? : Er...JM Beriyani House or smth like that. Near Taylor's.
What was the last thing you bought? : Bookssss :D STORY BOOKS. Haha.
Who was the last person you took a picture of? : At TGI. Guan Teck's celebration.


CRYING SECTION :

Ever really cried your heart out? : Yea..Recently.
Ever cried yourself to sleep? : Yup. But quite some time ago.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder? : Ehehehe. I rarely cry in front of people to begin with.
Ever cried over the opposite sex? : Yes
Do you cry when you get an injury? : Only that one time where it was extremely painful. Haha
Do certain songs make you cry? : Yup. There was one but I forgot the title.


HAPPY SECTION :
Are you a happy person? : Most of the time, yup.
What can make you happy? : Being surrounded by my real friends. Not people who claim to be.
Do you wish you were happier? : Don't we all?
Can music make you happy? : Yup


LOVE SECTION :

How many times have you had your heart broken? : How many? :p Se-cr-et.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them? : Who knows?

LOOK AT ME SECTION :

What is your current hair color? : Black.
Current piercings? : One on each ear *STEPHY! YOUR TURN*
Have any tattoos? : Want to. But...its unprofessional to get one :p
Eye color? : I wish it was blue. But its black.


In a man, (change it to the opposite sex when your answering this)

Favorite eye color : Unimportant.
Short or long hair : Haha. Short hair pls.
Height : Taller than me will do. Which shouldn't be that hard I guess. My bro calls me short ==
Best clothing : Anything.


HAVE YOU EVER :

Been to jail : Nope.
Mooned someone : HAHAHAHA. That'd be weird yet hilarious xD But no.
Thrown up in a store : Never.
Done something really stupid that you laugh at it till today : Ehehe. Yes? xD
Gone skinny dipping : No.


THIS OR THAT :

Pepsi or Coke : Coke.
McDonald's or Burger King : Burger king.
Single or Group Dates : Depends.
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate. Everytime. Haha
Strawberries or Blueberries : Blueberries.
Meat or Veggies : Meat.
TV or Movie : Movie.
Guitar or Drums? : Electric Guitar. But I like drums too. *being greedy*
Adidas or Nike : Adidas.
Chinese or Mexican : Mexican.
Cheerios or Corn Flakes : Cheerios.
Cake or Pie : Pie!

Done! I'll er...procrastinate on the epic post and the hike once again xD

29th November 2009

I miss going to tuitions.
I miss stepping in the puddles.
I miss talking to my friends.
I miss not having to bother about major exams.
I miss writing essays.
I miss making close friends.
I miss hanging out.
I miss being called the human calculator.
I miss being asked "What is 3x3" only to not answer it.
I miss "manja"-ing my friends *cough cough* xD

I miss the BBQ we had. The grill is still kinda there :p

I miss going for piano classes.
I miss going for mental arithematic classes.
And I miss going for the competitions. Its the one time I feel really alive.

However....

I know that there's no point in dwelling in the past.
Memories are a way of holding on to things that I love, the things that were, and things that I never want to lose.

But someday, somehow, and somewhere, we have to learn to let it all go.
And my time is now.

These memories will always be in my heart.
Kept in a precious box and corner.
Always remembered, never forgotten.
It might bring a tear back every now and then...

But its time to really let it all go and move on.

Thanks guys, for giving me such precious memories to store into that box.
Thank you for giving me courage.

Thank you for making me who I am.

Thank you...

22nd November 2009

P.S The pics will be up. Soon xD I have them! :D

So....

As you guys know, or don't know, I hiked up Gunung Besar Hantu with 20+ Milers members.

It was a refreshing experience.

To be able to go on despite the pain, to be able to sleep through the pain, and to be able to tell myself, ' Just one last push Pei Li'.
Also, to be surrounded by people who helped encourage me and to physically help me all the way.

Thanks.

I've returned with scratches on my arms and hands, muscle aches everywhere, a hoarse voice, a twisted ankle, experience the signs and symptoms of hypothermia for myself, and the experience of hiking up and down slippery slopes.

To the rest of the Milers members who went, WELL DONE GUYS.
We did it! We climbed up all the way, *made fun of people who weren't there*, made phone calls and smses at the peak, and made it down.

Not to mention cross a river where after a heavy rain. We were praying all the way and all of us survived :)

Trust me. It was bad. Unfortunately the pics are with someone else's camera because I didn't take my camera up. I'll tag myself in fb for the pics, and steal some to post it here :)
I'll post those that I took with my friend's camera xD

17th November 2009

I've noticed that as we grow older, we tend to lose friends not because we fall out due to a fight, or because we realized that we suddenly hate each other or something.

Its because we're all too "busy" to take the time to communicate with each other. Hmmm...take for example.

Back when you're in primary school, you would always say, Hey, we'll be friends forever ya! Such naive thoughts. Because you know that the moment you don't end up in the same class even in primary school, or when you go to different secondary schools, you just don't....you know...become friends anymore. The next time you meet up, you might just feel awkward and you guys won't be laughing like close friends. Instead, you'll be thinking hard "What on earth do I say now?". That being said, you would also rarely come across each other as it is. Right?



Well now. You've then moved on to secondary school. And you've made new friends. I personally think that the bonds forged in secondary school would be stronger than those forged during our primary school years. Or it could just be referring to only me. As long as you don't end up changing classes every year, I'm sure you could make plenty, or at most, a few close friends. Then again, I'm just using my boring life as a template to my thoughts. Being a naturally quiet girl, yes, I AM quiet, I couldn't make many friends. Friends are something that isnt' easy for me to make. So shutup about me having few friends. I'd rather have 10 close friends than 500 friends whom I just occasionally talk to.

Then we move on to college. You make even more new friends. By now, your paths with your closer friends back in school might have differed. You would have preferred to be a lawyer, than say, a doctor, or, a politician. Or you would wanna be a teacher instead. Then, you'd be going off to different places for your tertiary education. Some would go to a private college/university, some would have gone to a local one. Others might have opt for form 6, or matriculation. And the rare few would have just proceeded to go overseas immediately.

This is when your bonds of friendship with your friends are trialed. Obviously if you haven't contacted your primary school friends even once then it'd be a miracle if you actually met each other. But keeping in contact with your secondary friends can be kinda hard if you have different schedules.

Then, you move on. After graduating from college you would have either completed everything and start looking for a job, or proceed to further your education; whether still local or overseas.
Either choices, you're getting further and further away from the people whom you once called your friends. And depending on whether you want to keep them or lose them, you would need to take the initiative.


Once again, i'm prattling on and on about nonsensical stuff =\

Alritey. Time for me to...get kicked off the internet for good. Gosh, I'm addicted to the net and facebook.

Hope I don't show withdrawal symptoms soon :p

11th November 2009

P.S I didn't realize it was the 11th of November! xD

So...I've been thinking about it.

Sometimes all I wanna do is pour out my heart and soul into my blog.

But also keeping in mind that I can't control who reads it.

I was thinking of making my blog private but I'm just too lazy to send out the permission e-mail thingi ma jiggy =\
Also I dunno who might wanna read my blog and who doesn't. Haha.

Or whether if I don't invite a certain person, will they feel offended.

Because, I've just typed out a post that is just too...private. To be read by ppl whom I dunno.

=\

Also I don't want certain people to read it *cough cough* ;P

Still thinking about it >.<

8th November 2009

Being confused is what I can describe about myself now.

Coming to terms of what I am. Who I am. And How I am.

Not easy.

Time will never wait for anyone. Which includes me.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

8th November 2009

Imagine if this question was being asked to you...

" What is your deepest darkest secret...."

Would you tell them?

Obviously the internet is the worst place to tell secrets. Haha. You never know who would come across it.

Personally I prefer to tell my secrets and feelings face to face.

HOWEVER...
If you managed to set the right mood...
Say the right things...
Touch on the right topic...

I would just tell.

ahahaha. *Must stop laughing like an idiot >_>*

But thanks :) You know who you are ;) Thanks for listening to me crap about my insignificant details.

And my obviously sad childhood story as cliched as this sounds :p

You just made me feel waaaaay much lighter :)

5th November 2009

Where do I belong?

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong. Like.... I'm meant to be elsewhere and with different people

:s

Where do I go? Whom do I go with?

4th November 2009

Shall only restrict myself to internet to TWO hours per day...
No.

ONE hour.

So, if you see me online, SHOO ME OFF

t.t

3rd November 2009

This song deserves some love !!



Unfortunately I can't get the one with the official music video cuz they disable the embed.

Sooo, if you want the one with the official music video, Fireflies - Owl City

Go! What are you waiting for!!

1st November 2009

So....Why do we discriminate?

Who knows.

I for one believe that no race is superior to the other and that we are all equal. Why doesn't everyone think the same? I mean, are YOU really that much superior?

I know i'm on sensitive grounds right now but I just can't help wondering. Why are we not treated equally? Even as I speak, I know of some people who look down on me just because I'm chinese. And thats the sad part.

You hate me because I'm chinese? Pfft. World's best excuse ever.

Ah well, there will always be idiots like this eh? But at least there are quite a majority of people who are so unlike them.

We live in a MULTI-RACIAL country. Yet, we still face problems like this every now and then. How are we, as Malaysians supposed to justify that?

Shame on all of us isn't it? Yet things like 1Malaysia, and PLKN are supposed to....er... whats the term...memupuk smth? Encourage? Er...racial integrity? Or something like that.

Well the thing is, in terms of PLKN, making them sit for LECTURES isn't gonna help dude. Not in a million light years it ain't. You're just wasting the taxpayers money. In case you didn't know, lecturing people who are around the age of 17-20 just ain't gonna work. As you might have known, had you done more research.

The ability for US to absorb information via lecture is only effective for the first 20 minutes and that is provided you get an exciting "lecturer". Imagine the utterly boring, sejarah teacher type. Oh gosh, cut that to a quarter. What, 10 minutes? You've barely started the damn thing.

So? Verdict?

31st October 2009

P.S. Oh yea, Happy Halloween guys xD Lol. Halloween is so insignificant in Malaysia that it only deserves a one liner :p

Is to eat ice-cream.

You will literally chill.
In the cold sense.

Last time, all it took for me to calm down was to feel the wind, and eat ice-cream.

Now? It doesn't work anymoreeeeee :(

What do I do now? t.t

a) Read P.S I Love You *i just bought it*
b) Talk to my penguin
c) Go blast some alien, a.k.a my brother
d) Run around the house screaming at 10.30pm
e) Go sleep
f) Smack the mosquito till its guts spill all over the place
g) Rant on and on about how idiotic some Malaysians can get

LOL.
Option f is kinda hard since my room has quite a lot of dark stuff.

I shall now choose option g.
You know, same old same old. Malaysian drivers are a bunch of idiots because :-

1. Apparently the signal is there for decoration purposes only. Most people can just chop off the whole signal thingi and they'd not notice
2. The only thing a headlight is for, is to flash at people. Not to on it during rainy conditions
3. People can read their minds!!! Despite cutting queues during heavy traffic without the signal on with only 10cm in front of the car. If you're wondering why they do this, refer to no 1.
4. The right lane, is to go at 60km/h on a highway. The whole purpose of driving that slow is to make sure everyone sees your car. Its also very amusing to see people who are trying to cut in front go to the middle lane and see them raise the middle finger. They're just saying hi.
5. Pulling over at awkward places such as in the middle of the road just to run down and get something is the best way instead of letting someone wait in the car. Also, stopping right you turn into a junction is the most strategic spot for an accident. I mean, most strategic spot to stop. Especially if you're occluding the whole entire lane, making people late for their meetings.
6. Slowing down to watch an accident and writing down the car plate number is also the "in" thing to do. I mean, who cares about the long stretch of cars behind who are rushing right? Just slowing down, taking pictures, writing down the details. Heck yea! Winning that 4D is so darn important!

Glad THAT'S outta my system.

Is anyone free to talk to me and cheer me up?
Based on my mood now, I'm PERFECT to be the angry SP now >_>
Anyone wants to take a medical history from me?

29th October 2009

New term I created *or maybe it has already existed >_>*
Definition? Refer to writer's block.

I have blogger's block because I couldn't remember about the topic I was supposed to blog about. Hence, I googled "What to blog about". Well, those focus on stuff that doesn't apply to me. Then, I came upon this.

"Suggest an idea: for a story or for a way to do things. Invite reaction and suggestions – and don’t expect people to come to you: approach people you might otherwise be shy of asking, and invite them to respond on the comments. Ideas can travel very far, so can be very effective in attracting readers."

Taken from
http://onlinejournalismblog.com/2009/02/04/starting-a-blog-12-ideas-for-blog-posts/

And this really caught my attention. Because...there is something that I'd like to share with you guys, and hope that you can spread it around ;)

This started when I was in standard 6. See...you might not notice this but...lets say...

Picture this scenario. Two people are talking to you at the same time. You only listen to one person. And usually, you go on and on about that particular topic right? Hence, leaving the other person to keep those thoughts to him or herself.

Well, I've noticed that because I was interrupted alot too :p And that made me....sad.
So...I decided to take the effort to change things around me. A little at a time, but at least I made the effort right?
When the same situation happens, only this time I'm in the position of the listener, I'd acknowledge the other person and say, " You were saying?"
Then, the other person can go ahead and let me know right? I started doing this in standard 6 and I DID notice a few people around me who do that now :D

I'm sure you've been a similar situation. Well, something like that at least.

I hope I've made a difference based on this post :x

Or maybe I'm being a naive idiot :(

23rd October 2009

LT2 (or was it LT1) 's air-cond is getting all pissy on us. Haha. Its sooo cold >.< Going to fall sick soon at this rate :\

I've just realized this while studying. *which means i wasn't studying afterall :p* That at this time, 2 years back, I would be in Taylor's. Taking my AS exams. 3 years back, I'd be in form 5, taking my SPM. 4 years back, I was struggling with my add maths in form 4, constantly failing and getting less than 50%. 5 years back, I would have either completed or am taking my PMR.

How time really flies.
It seemed like only yesterday where I was struggling with normal maths back in standard 5. Yes people. I failed maths in standard 5. I failed add maths in form 4 :p
But my ego wouldn't permit me failing maths. Failing history, geography, KH and moral on the other hand is fine by me.

So, I tried harder. Back in standard 5, apparently it was because I didn't understand the basics at all.
In form 4, it was because I just didn't understand it.

Lol!

So, I can proudly say that I got A in my SPM trial exams. An A1. HUGE improvement from my 40% back in form 4.

Wish I could say the same thing about myself.

I have a half-arsed motivation which is not going to get me anywhere.

I need to rediscover the reason why I've chosen this profession.

I wanna go on a soul-searching trip :(

So many "I wanna" that its not getting me anywhere.
Think I'll go on a solo jog one day and rediscover it ;)

Speaking of rediscovering, there was once on one of my jogs with Sarah in the Bukit Jalil park, we saw..

A family of..

WILD BOARS.

Ahahaha! It happened quite a while back actually :p It was hilarious xD

We were going for a late jog cuz we started out kinda late. It was kinda dark but bright enough.
They just...

Crossed.

Like...

Right in front of us.
To get a drink of water from the lake.

Hahahahahahahahhaah.

It was so funny. Another jogger who was coming from the opposite direction just stopped and stared. xD

Too bad I wasn't holding on to my phone or camera xD

The picture would have been EPIC.

23rd October 2009

Will only make you stronger.

This hasn't killed me yet. So...does that make me any stronger?
Its true that I'm more thick skinned and I've numbed myself to almost everything that hurts me.

But doesn't this mean I'm running away from reality?

Who knows. I need someone to slap me awake >.<

Btw, this isn't an emo post :p
This is just one of those..."self-discovery" posts kinda thing.

I'm still smiling :)

Albeit a little weird.

I suspect that chee cheung fun seller drugged e li's and my lunch.
Its either that or de Brio cafe.

So obviously drugged based on my reactions to all the lecturer's comments.

Lets not go to E Li's reactions.

Its as bad as the squishing the hedgehog and the lame joke session. Trust me.

20th October 2009

I shall try to be a new me soon! Watch out world!

First up, I wanna change all my bad qualities. Well, to the best of my abilities anyways.

NUMBER ONE.

Procrastination and bad sense of timing :x
I know i'm always late :x

I shall try to be not late from now on :)

Number 2.
I'm a bitch at times.

I'll try to get rid of that :s

Is there anything that you would really like me to change? TELL ME! I accept any sort of criticism. So if you wanna thrash me now, go ahead. Just put ur name as anonymous or smth if you feel uncomfortable of telling it to me straight.

Be honest yea?

Better go thickened my face first.
Haha.

20th October 2009

But it will never truly separate us :)

If the connection and heart is strong, we will survive!

18th October 2009

is never easy...

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have left.

And I am proud to announce that I have learned to let go.
Learn, meaning, still in the early stage. Every now and then, reading stuff makes my heart twinge a little.

But the pain is no longer there. The constant, dull and aching pain is no longer present.

Just an itsy-bitsy twinge in my heart. That's it.

Is this what it means to let go of stuff? My heart feels so much lighter, like a load has been taken off my shoulders.

So...the hyper Pei Li is back :)
Unless when I am yet to have food.
Or am tired.
Or its in the morning.

You NEVER expect a hyper Pei Li in the morning. If she is, that's not Pei Li.

Its my evil twin, Mei Li.

:p

17th October 2009

An incident yesterday restored a little of my faith in humanity.

I was buying groceries with my mum after Millers yesterday at The Store. So, they sell kuih bahkulu *i dunno how to spell it* and there was a guy making it. What he does is basically pour the batter into the moulds. He also had a whole stack of fresh kuih on a tray.

There was a little boy, who was running to and fro and just stopped right in front of that guy. He just stared, and ran back to his father who was just standing not too far away, watching his little boy.

Then, the guy there, took a kuih, and offered it to the little boy. The little boy smiled, took it, and of course, the dad asked him to say thank you. The boy said his thanks and started eating the kuih.

That little act of kindness...Do you call it kindness? I dunno. It just really touched my heart. Usually they would smile because its an innocent little boy, but nothing more. That he could spare at least one for the boy was really sweet to watch :)

That little incident really made me smile from the bottom of my heart, something I haven't been doing in a while.

Thank you for the miracle you just showed me :)

15th October 2009

Until being strong is the only choice you have...

People change so that you can learn to let go..
And things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right.

Learning how to let go may be tough, but its never impossible.
Learning how to be truly free was never easy but its still doable.

Nobody can be truly free from their problems.
Everyone has their insecurities and individual burdens.

Its how you deal with them and face them that truly makes you who you are.

Going through the process of finding yourself is never easy. But it always helps if you can find someone to depend on when you fall down.
Falling down would mean that you would be injured, crushed...unless if its something minor and you only escape with a few bruises and scrapes. Its not easy getting up if you're hit hard. Like, smack right into your face. In fact, depending on how strong you are it'd take a longer time to get up.

Of course, it ALWAYS helps if you know there's someone who will be behind you all the way. Be it your family or friends.

Thanks for being there for me :)

No matter how many times I fall, I know that I can depend on you guys to help me get up again.

11th October 2009

The feeling of losing something. The feeling of losing all connection.

The distance felt.

The time not spent.

The sight of being so different around me.

I maybe blur but I am sensitive when it comes to how people start treating me differently. So here I am wondering...

What did I do wrong?
What happened?
What did I not do?

Why?....

If only I had the guts to open my mouth.
Guess all I can do is suffer in silence.

10.10.2009

Once again, I'm amazed by how the small decisions in life can affect how your future turns out.

For example, just today, if I hadn't :-

1. Decided to tell my mum I wanted to go on a vacation
2. And that she would book Langkawi
3. And drive to a particular japanese restaurant
4. Enter it at that exact time
5. Pay attention to the song playing
6. Ask for the song

I wouldn't have been able to get the song.
And if Ting Yu hadn't decide to look for that song which has been re-sung in chinese, and had he not come across that particular video where the original Japanese song title was there, he wouldn't have been able to get the song.

So apparently I've fulfilled his standard 6 year old dream.

An EIGHT year old dream
xD

Funny how the little things, and small decisions affect the outcome huh?
So much so that its kinda freaky...

Fate.

Or coincidence.

Or the inevitable.

Freaky....

@_@

On a random note, I finished a whole bar of toblerone t.t

Anyone wanna gimme one? :D
It'd make my day! *hint hint*

7th October 2009

Right. So, I need a t-shirt printing company. One that's professional, knows that there's such thing as KEEPING YOUR PROMISES, and making sure that the shirts will be printed on the date promised.

As i've said on facebook, dun say B-comfort. Seriously --"
Mention it and I won't even talk to you anymore.

So yea, do let me know! I need one to print out shirts and I refuse to deal with bcomfort --"

They've let me seen hell as it is already.

They've let me seen, experience and give me hell

6.10.2009

Before I go insane >.<

I desperately need the piano score for Love Drunk by Boys Love Girls, 21 Guns by Greenday, and Here We Go Again by Demi Lovato.

Please and thanks :D

One hurdle : OVERCOMED! :D With emoness, sadness and support from my friends. Lol.

And a little divine intervention here and there :)

Thank you.

For the next hurdle, I shall overcome it with a less emo tone :D

Well, of course, i'm typing this after being high on chicken rice and iced blended mocha.

Which by the way is awesome on a hot day.

Which also by the way is not too bad.

Which by the way I think that guy drugged mine >_>

I'll shut up now :x

And shall talk about my CSU today.

Today, it involved a patient.

On inspection, Mr. X is conscious, communicative and is not in any obvious pain. He isn't in any respiratory distress. He is of average built and height. No scars can be seen, no discolouration and no gadgets attached. *did i miss out anything? o.O*

On inspection of the hands, he does not have any clubbing, no palmar erythema. Capillary refill is less than 3 seconds which is normal. No leuconychia, or koilonychia. There is no Dupuyten's contracture. Sir can you please put your arms up like this? Thanks. There is no flapping tremor. The pulse rate is 68 beats per minute and there is no radio-radial delay.

On inspection of the arms, there are no scars, no AV fistula or any abnormal discolouration. *I have a feeling i'm missing something...* *and i cheated and referred to my notes* There are no bruises, no petichae, no ecchymoses or purpura. There are no spider naevi.

On inspection of the head, there is no hair loss. Sir can you please look down? Thanks. The sclera is white, which means there is no jaundice. Sir can you please look up? Thanks. The conjunctiva is pink, which means there is no anaemia. There are no xanthomata.

The lips are not cracked, and there are no signs of central cyanosis. There is no angular stomatitis. Sir can you please open your mouth? Can you please say Ahhh? Thanks. On inspection of the mouth, there is good oral hygiene, no oral thrush, the tonsils are not inflammed or enlarged, and the uvulae is not deviated. Sir can you please lift up your tongue? Thanks. There are no signs of jaundice or central cyanosis. The tongue is wet, which means the patient is well hydrated. It is not glossy, which means there is no glossitis.

On inspection of the neck, there are no obvious pulsations, no scars or deformities.

On inspection of the chest, there are no surgical scars, there are a few spots of pigmentation, and there are no deformities. There are no spider naevi and there are no distended veins.

Gah. I give up. I am yet to start on the GIT. Lol. This is just general inspection.

.......

Why did I just type all of that? o.O

5th October 2009

"A miracle is a perceptible interruption of the laws of nature, such that can be attempted to be explained by divine intervention" - Wikipedia



So....how do you define a miracle?

1. Amazing grades despite the fact you know you've screwed up the whole paper
2. You finally beat the game! WOHOO!
3. I dunno. Insert your own reason then. >_>

Well, I guess a miracle..or a calling..or i dunno. Something such as 'divine intervention' happened to me today.

So much so it was kinda freaky xD

It all started...

When I picked up today's paper.

Yea...

After reading an article... I just...felt better.

I looked up and suddenly, a cool breeze was blowing. The rustling of the leaves were so soothing.
The wind really calmed me and made my whole self feel lighter.

Everything that was really bothering me since the past month or so just felt so insignificant already. My inability to express reactions doesn't mean I don't feel anything ok >_>
The shock just doesn't register on my face. :p

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces fell right into place.

Scary? Haha.
I felt so insecure...always questioning...and this has been bothering me since quite a while. It peaked at its worse when I was flooded and swamped with stuff to do. Didn't help with the fact that on Friday, I felt so used and dumped. * No E Li, not talking about you**Yes seriously, NOT talking about you*

So yea. Of course you can always press the red button at the top right corner of your browser when you think. " Oh look, Pei Li has lost it".

In fact, don't read wikipedia when you type miracle in the search engine. Of course, after typing that sentence I expect nearly 90% of you guys to go ahead and do that.
Read the part on what C.S Lewis says then.

End of my post of the day.

Start of the stress of CSU. Haha. I just realized that I would need to learn the 9 abdominal regions.

And that I would be doing a rectal examination next week.

On a plastic model.

Or smth.

I dunno >_> It was kinda hilarious when I saw the title in the manual.

Tomorrow's general examination! Hope I get a hot SP ;)
Especially one with great abs since we're doing inspection of the GIT. Which means...
We get to inspect, palpate, percuss AND auscultate the ABDOMINAL region.

And if we're going to do that on someone slightly obese....
Well...

Lets just say its going to be hard to feel for the liver, spleen and kidney.

Wouldn't want me to mix up the 3 organs right? Haha.

Ok, high on choc and mooncake now.

4th October 2009

P.S When you're feeling down, remember this word.


HELLO! :D

PEI LI HERE! :D

Most of your eyebrows must be raised by now :p

--" Ok ignore me.

Is the way you treat someone.

Of course, countless texts always stress on the importance of first impressions, because it is that which helps how people analyze and kinda classify you.

Other than first impressions, how you treat the person throughout them knowing you is also important. I'll admit that I haven't been doing a fantastic job of treating them nicely and i apologize now if I've insulted you or hurt you in anyway. Unless if I really hated you then and there, and even up till now, it was unintentional.

As human beings, we fear rejection. So, forgive me if I say that its only normal that we sometimes create a strong front to show that we are not that vulnerable.
This applies to me too.

Of course, this fear of being rejected will always stay with me. Its just been too scary being all alone. Even now, I always have insecurities about everything around me. This insecurity is eating away at my patience and at times, my sanity. Well, on a small scale anyway.

But we have to adapt right? I have kinda adapted to this >.<>.< But, I understand that sometimes, you're busy. So...I guess its easier if I refrain from smsing huh?

By being treated differently than before is already bugging me. By not treating me as afriend I've already felt this insecurity.

Well, the 3rd person has their own issues so lets not touch there.

" The truth is...to have something halfway is harder than not having it at all"

3rd October 2009
2.58am

At some point of time, we will have to separate and follow our own dreams and lives.

Saying hello and goodbye is a norm in our lives. We say hi to new friends, and say bye to old ones.
Meeting new people is always a good thing. Its through that, that we are able to find ourselves and deal with different people throughout our lifetime.

Forging new ties, and keeping the cross-link of our ties are pretty hard. I mean, any physics law can tell you that anything long and huge will be very weak compared to something that's small and short.


But sometimes, we just have no choice but to break a few cross-links. Sometimes, we need to let go. Starting our own separate lives are sometimes challenging on its own. We're usually so caught up we tend to neglect the cross-links at the other end of the spectrum; too busy forging new ties, too busy building new cross-link. If its not taken care of, the other end will start crumbling right?


Finding the balance; which is to make new cross-links and to maintain the old ones, is kinda hard. But hey, if you're the kind who doesn't care whether the old ones are maintained, fine.
But what if you're like me? Who's afraid of losing those old cross-links WHILE forging new ones? For example, if you had TWO parties to attend, both at the same time, both at two ends of the world, whose would you go for? Your new friends, or your old friends? If you don't go for your new friends party, you might get left out. If you don't go for your old friends party, they'd think you don't want them anymore. To be fair, lets say that both of these parties were giving out their invitations at the same time and you happened to receive the invitation at the same time. What would you decide?

Well, we have our choice. As my lecturer said, "Diseases don't read textbooks". Each person reacts differently. Same as this situation. Different people react differently to different conditions.

All that crap being said, I'm beginning to think I shouldn't even blog anymore. Whatever I blog seems to be a whole lot of crap.


What do you think?

1st October 2009

Always say you'd rather live for that person instead :)

This particular statement triggered my memories from high school. Haha. It actually started from what something Ca Men said. And I mentioned this line instead. It instantly brought me walking down memory lane.

This is related to when I was...erm...either in form 1, or form 2. Or form 3 :p Between when I was 12-14 la...

It was during church with Dianne and Sarah. And they were preaching.

"Never say you'd die for that person. Say that you'd rather live for that person instead".

This sentence immediately changed my views back then. Last time, being the unconfident, and small sized teenager that i was, *yes i was short >_>* I kept thinking that...nothing would change even if I were here. Nothing would be different, no one would miss me. Hence, I'd rather die for someone. *oh gosh, I sound soooo depressed last time :p*

But after hearing those words...I thought, hey, maybe its alright for me to live for my friends, maybe....just maybe....I could change the world just by being alive, and that someone would actually miss me when I'm gone. Just maybe... Even if I were wrong, at least let me be a naive, little girl. Let me believe so.

So, ever since then, I'd always tell myself. Remember, never die for that person. Always say that you'd rather live for them instead :) Of course I'm not referring to situations when someone points a gun at your beloved. You're free to choose what to do then. Remember, there would always be someone who will be sad when you're gone. Be it your friends, or your family.

NEVER take your own life. Its just not time. There's actually so much more to do :) No matter how tired you are of life, there's just something to be discovered somewhere. For example...

Imagine if I took my own life back then. I wouldn't have been able to meet so many new friends :) Like, Lai Mun, Tsing, Yee Wen or even Mel. Haha. Not to mention the one of a kind Yan Leng. I wouldn't have been able to meet my friends in Taylor's. Or in IMU.
I wouldn't have the opportunity to learn that running is actually quite fun, and that Millers is the club that i've been searching for ;)
I wouldn't have been able to demand for chocolate *you know how you are!*
I wouldn't have found out that my thumbs hurt if I play too many octaves on the piano * as it is now >_>*
I wouldn't have been able to learn how heart wrenching is it to say goodbye to your friends; to learn that as we grow up, shit happens.
To learn that, the world just isn't as kind as I thought.

To learn that, sometimes, the unexpected just happens.

To also know that I can't pretend to put on a happy face in front of some people; that I can feel comfortable crying in front of them.

I wouldn't have been able to boast that I've been friends with P5 for 8 years now *and counting!*

And so much more.
I also wouldn't have the chance to touch patients. HAHA. Sounded a lil wrong there ;p
But hey, if the SP is hot.... *winks at E Li and Carr Men*

So yea...

See how much I would have missed?

Right. Time to stop procrastinating and go back to my AIR topic. Haha. Its been delayed for a week now X.X

My thumbs hurt :(

29th September 2009

P.S : You can give me a heads up if you wanna talk to me ;) I try to be on MSN most of the time now. Remember, I'm never too busy to talk to a friend. Of course, if you're like Ting Yu who likes to disturb for fun, I'd just ignore you ;P

Thank you Lord.

All these negative emotions, once they've reached the utmost peak you'd just feel like stoning.

Trying to escape from reality

Trying to sort things out.

Already twice in this year have I felt like this. Erm..thrice kinda.
The first was bad enough. I was almost late for an event.
The second was not too bad. At least I had someone to support me through the whole thing *you know who you are :)*
The third...is the worse one so far. You can't just toss all this information towards me and expect me to make sense of it in such a short time! The first news took a while to sink in. At least I was given time to prepare myself for the second one. But it was also abrupt all the same due to the sudden change.

I feel like crying but I can't.
I feel like screaming but I can't.
I feel like talking but I can't.

Right.

This is already halfway out of my system.
Sorry for the emo posts and status updates.

If you didn't notice it then....
Since when was I emo?

Lol.

Only one person said that.

It doesn't count if no one notices!

I'll be back to myself by monday. Gimme just one last day to emo before that k?

>.<

27th September 2009
1.52am

This year has been full of surprises, shocks, changes and news. Both good and bad alike.
It has also been chock full of challenges, ups and downs, and an altogether different type of happiness.

Right now, my heart really feels uneasy.
My mind is kinda blank.

All this information...all these changes...

Its too much and fast for me to take it all in.

A good teacher once told me that, if you're a good friend, you will not tell them your secrets.
I'll have to agree and disagree at that.

Agree because, sometimes you're just burdening your friend with the secret, and also you won't know how they would react.

Disagree because, friends are there to stick with you thru thick and thin. They're there for you to take that huge burden of your shoulders.

So many decisions, so many choices, so little time.

What would any of you have done in my position?
Listening is the easy part.
Living with the burden is the hard part.

Accepting the entire truth is the hardest part.

26th September 2009

Learning to let go of your past isn't easy. Especially if your past is filled with nothing but hurt. Of course, telling people all your past hurt really makes you feel lighter; like you've been cast off all the hurt and pain.

Like you've just been set free.

It really feels like a huge burden has been taken off my shoulders now. Just allowing me to rant and just knowing that you're listening has really helped me :)
Of course, the above is for two people. One who occasionally reads my blog, the other doesn't even come to my blog. Haha.

Thanks.

Just allowing me to rant, allowing me to just crap all the way, listening to whatever shit I say, listening to whatever crap I express.
I am now free.

Literally.

What I am in the past isn't really a proud thing. I was so useless, so weak, so alone; yearning for friendship, being cast aside like yesterday's old shirt.
In fact, as I was typing it out yesterday on MSN it really felt like I was the weakest person ever.

However, what's most important isn't your past. Its how you turn out to be despite your past.
I have learned to tolerate. I have learned to keep everything inside of me because in the past whenever I opened up, I was teared apart and pushed down. I have learned the true nature of human beings, I was shown just how cruel words can be, I also learned that not everyone is your true friend. In fact, their cruel words and actions really hurt me. Deeply. It left a wound that will never recover. It will forever leave me with a habit that two people are currently annoyed at :p

It left me with the inability to express my emotions properly and the inability to tell anyone a secret properly.

But it also left me with the ability to stand up after falling, left me with the ability to just ignore those hurtful words. It left me with the best of friends I could ever have. It left me with a rough judgment of the nature of my friends around me.

Despite all that, I'm still the naive little girl. The little girl who believes that people do have some good in them. I still believe that people are nice despite their actions and words. I still want to believe that; but reality isn't that kind nor forgiving.

Being able to pull myself up, being able to stand up after all that...
Still being able to smile.

Its all thanks to the people whom I've met, and the people who've taught me that sometimes, being smart isn't everything; being rich isn't everything. Being able to smile from your heart; THAT'S something. Being able to truly laugh from your heart. Being able to love, cry and share your experiences with people whom you love and cherish.

THAT'S how rich a person can get. Sure, without money you might not be able to survive. But to me, being rich means all of the above. Imagine that despite having all the money in the world but you can't smile at all.

That's tough.

Of course to SOME people *winks* They've already passed the sad period and have found happiness. Too bad the person whom I'm winking to doesn't read my blog xD

Ah well~ As a "wise" person told me, my past is my past. Its over. What's more important is what I become and how I handle whatever's coming up.

Lol.

Like my AIR topic T_T
And summatives T_T
And all sorts of crap T_T

LIKE MY MOCK OSCE!
AND PBL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Die. PBL and mock OSCE on monday t.t

24th September 2009

Not that its a bad thing whatsoever :p

So yea...

Happy Birthday Yee Wen -nee~

This one was from so long ago~
Aha. Take care~ =)
All the best! Hope you're fine and dandy there!

21st September 2009

1.10am xD

edit : I can't post a youtube video here unless I want to block out my cbox. Go google it urself :p The music video's kinda sweet~

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift Official Music Video

After watching the official music video, " You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, my confidence has dropped to an all time low.

She's.

So.

Pretty.

=S

Ahahaha. Pei Li has a crisis now :p
Sigh. Some people are just born pretty xD

I sound vain now.

Better stop before I end up being bashed by crates of tomatoes.

To-mah-toes.

Toes.

xD

Ok, I'll stop now.

20th September 2009.

Soooo....remember the times when we used to...

1. Ask each other maths question but end up answering it ourselves?
2. You always asking me about simple maths calculation?
3. I mean, I used to hide behind you while playing with Sarah?
4. Go out along with Sarah to buy pao from the nearby shops under the rain?
5. Push the turn to go bathe to each other until Miss Lee came? And read comics while falling asleep xD
   
6. Watch Naruto and Yakitate after tuition?
7. Again, I used to teach you how to play on the piano? Haha. Two successful songs eh?
8. And thanks for reminding me, help me finish up my last minute art folio xD
9. Talk about random stuff xD *neopets* *pokemon* AHAHAHA.
10. be very very very afraid of Pui Man.

Looking back, I feel kinda sad that I used to be like that. Haha. But hey, its part of growing up ;D
I miss those times right now =(

But Dianne, we will never change =)

Thanks to you, I've become stronger and I can now stand up better for myself right now. It is THAT much change dear =)

So anyways.... Here I am to say...

I

Love

You!

=)

Hope you liked the short post. Sorry la, too tired to think and reflect. Haha. Reflect.

:x

Sorry.

xD

Take care dearie~ Sorry its a day late.

We're all missing you~

Its 2am btw =P
12th September 2009

Right. So I've decided its time to make a bucket list! :D
Lol. This idea might have contributed to the fact that I've always wanted to do a bucket list but have never bothered to or I'm just too darn lazy xD

My bucket list is going to include long term and short term goals.

Sooooo....I need help! Gimme ur suggestions. LOGICAL ones please. Nothing too disturbing either ;p

1. Study AT LEAST 3 hours per day
2. Go on a road trip with just friends
3. Bungee jumping!
4. Travel to Japan for spring
5. Go mountain climbing
6. Learn how to rollerblade
7. *private* ;p
8. Stop going onto facebook so much >_>
9. Go on a holiday at least once a year
10. Travel to Venice!
11. See all the wonders of the world
12. Aiya, travel around the world la ;p
13. Go on a soul searching trip
14. TAKE A PICTURE WITH P5. EVERYONE. Haha
15. On the topic of pictures, take a picture of the night sky. With stars!!
    
16. Watch the sun rise. Haha. I always fail to wake up
17. Finish all the storybooks that I've bought but are yet to be opened
18. *private*
19. Have a reunion party with my primary friends ;D
    
20. Look for my long lost friend ;(
21. Learn how to cook an extravagant dish :D *Maggi mee or eggs are NOT extravagant ;p*

That's all I can think of. I need...4 more? Haha. Planning to 25 to start with.
Suggestions suggestions~

And its a nice day to blog too.

9.9.2009

Hmmm...does this mean I'll need 99 things on my list? @.@

Too bad its only 7.04 pm now. =P Instead of 9.09pm

One particular sensitive issue has just been bugging me lately >.<

When will this end? ><

Ah...the craziness and madness has just begun t.t

My legs are aching, my back is aching, my head is aching...

And I still have PBL to do.
Elective form to submit.
VARIETY NIGHT TO PREPARE

AAAA! I FORGOT TO PREPARE MY QC BOARD! T_T

Shall just scribble stuff :p

9 days and counting.

2nd September 2009

Sometimes all we need to do is unwind and relax.
The collection of too much stress isn't that good for the body, mind and soul.

Had the most amusing nightmare ever. Dreamed of a tsunami >_>

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


I just had the most relaxing holiday. Not exactly relaxing since I was hoping to catch up on my sleep during the past 3 days to no avail due to the constant traveling and my mum saying, " If you wanna sleep you might as well stay at home!".

During the long drives from west to south, and south to east, and east to west, it made me think.
Of course, added on with something I've been reading about choices and how it affects the future, it REALLY made me think.



Because, during the crossroads of my life, I had to take totally different paths. For example:

1. Should I skip the PTS thing? In the end, I chose to skip standard 4. But if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to meet all my lovely friends right now =) But imagine, your life without me...It will be either pretty peaceful...or pretty boring xD Please make me happy and say that it'd be pretty boring.
2. The next huge one was when I was about to enter secondary school. I actually put SMK Seri Petaling. My mum made me change it to SMK Seri Saujana. Haha. So Dianne, thank my mum xD If I went to SMKSP, I'd be with my primary school friends. But, not going to SMKSS would mean that I would never have made so many friends and the few special ones whom I call my sisters :D Tsing would have been a lonely girl and Mel would be...er...sitting under an apple tree. *K.K Chan inside joke* Haha!
   
3. Of course, I had actually persuaded Xiao Foong to change it to SMKSS. Imagine if she did. I might not be able to sit next to you at all Dianne. And as you've mentioned in your blog...Well, the rest is history ;D
4. The decision to change classes in form 4. If I did, I'd be extremely close and stuck and attached to Dianne and Sarah. But being away from Dianne meant that I had to stand up for myself. Of course, I had Steph to support me then :D She was whom I learnt how to be sarcastic from :p So, for those who knew me before that, they are either sad that I've changed so much, amused that I HAVE changed that much or are just simply speechless :p
5. Next would be what to do after SPM. A levels of course. But what if I were assigned to a different class? A class that isn't PM4? I wouldn't be able to meet all my whacky friends in college then :) To know that there are people like this. Haha. Hyped up like Vienna *cough E Li too *cough*, more sarcastic than me *cough Ca Men cough*, and everyone else :) Carr Men and I are kinda different afterall, despite sharing the same birthday, BUT we do share similarities every now and then :)
6. Wohoo...Next would have been either IMU or Monash. Wouldn't wanna mention any specifics here for fear of insulting various parties *cough IMU cough*

Welll....that's the main crossroads are mentioned here...

:p

Such an emo post ><

Shall now post an idiotic picture.

Don't laugh ya...

I SAID DON'T LAUGH!!

31st August 2009

I think I've scolded you 3 times d :p

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOUR FLIGHT HAS CHANGED TO A DAY EARLIER!!! T____T

Aaanyways, the stuff I wrote in the sms and mail are too mushy and private to be on this blog :p

So, take care :) I'll post a better blog post after my exams :)

Take care and all the best k? :D

27th August 2009

I read in a magazine today that we should always try and keep in touch with our friends; no matter how busy we are. For example, wake up maybe about an hour earlier and finish your stuff earlier so that you can spend time with your friend. It doesn't mean you need to meet up and hang out; it can just be a short sms or a phone call.

Really meaningful.

But you know how we are. We'd most probably think, " Oh, maybe he/she is having his/her exams now. Better not disturb".
Truth is, I'd rather be disturbed just for a moment. Because, that "disturbance" shows that my friend still cares.

Of course, I'm guilty for not doing that. Its always nice to hear from someone you THOUGHT has forgotten all about you. For example, Woan Yiing smsed me on my birthday. And I thought she forgot all about me. So touched now xD

It was just a simple sms saying "Happy Birthday" yet it meant a lot to me. Call me a fool but hey, lets just say I'm easily touched. Maybe its because of my upbringing or my past sad childhood :p

Yea, sad childhood. Soooo cliched xD

Aaanyways, I hope this post has given you a lot to think about. Gotta go rush my AIR topic now ><

26th August 2009

Today was a meet up with Tsing, Yee Wen, Yan Leng and Steph.

:D

Photos up when i'm free :p

Was a farewell thing for Yee Wen. First we went paobing!
But I think eating ice on an empty stomach is the worst thing to do. Since I only had a bun for lunch, my stomach didn't feel that good ><

Then we went for Yuan's steamboat :D
Of course, they took away the scallops :(
Sad d :(

But had fun eating the funny fish paste noodle thingi. But, my stomach still didn't feel too good. Even till now :(
See Yee Wen? ITS FOR YOUR SAKE. Now my stomach is suffering t.t

Moral of the story? EAT LUNCH. Haha. Don't eat ice when you haven't had lunch t.t

Also, Lai Mun called us in the middle of Yuan's. Durian ice-cream and cookies and cream! :D
:s And that's when my tummy didn't feel ok again ><

Funniest part is that Daniel and Tsing had a prawn shelling competition. NO HANDS. Haha. Will post the video in parts.

Fave quote of the day:
Which I heard from Tsing.

Lai Mun: Its easier to keep fat than keep fit.

There was one more but I forgot xD

Oh yea. There is. This one is courtesy of Yan Leng.

Apparently Lai Mun went island flipping xD
And Tsing will WORSHIP lai mun if she goes island hopping...I mean flipping, via swimming and survives. So Lai Mun? Tahulah apa nak buat.

Jokes aside, its time to bid another good friend adieu.

First I had to say bye to Mel.
Then Dianne.
And now Yee Wen :(

Of course, those who are still in Malaysia albeit on another island altogether doesn't count. So...sorry la Lai Mun and Tsing xD

Yea...So Yee Wen, a.k.a horse lover.
Take care and all the best :)
Sorry cuz I might not be able to send you off in the airport :(

Take care darling <3
:)

21st August 2009

It was a miscalculation on my part.

Now I will need to study, freak out and I can't join treasure hunt and track trip.

I feel like exploding, crying and just break out into a fight right now.

Anyone wanna go into a fist fight with me? Verbal fights are fine by me.

I just wanna give myself a reason to shout at somebody

><

20th August 2009

1. You'll most probably die from stress before graduating.
2. Paracetemol a.k.a is your best friend
3. Besides your lecture notes, the library and anything that doesn't involve fun.
4. Oh, that includes the MMS too.
5. You'll suffer and worry constantly about your exams, PBL, CSU and your AIR topic all at once.
6. Worry about your electives which means that you'll need to be attached to a hospital for ONE MONTH.
7. Which is during your holidays btw.
8. Which also means you'll need to see your grouchy mentor which you've never seen since the dawn of time.
9. Which ALSO means you don't have any holidays at all.
10. BECAUSE your holidays are spent doing your elective.
11. Minus the fact you get a few measly days of holidays because of the CNY.
12. That you'll love Malaysia for its multiple public holidays since the yellow shaded boxes in your calendar marked "SCHOOL HOLIDAY" no longer applies to you.
13. That you'll wish that you stay near your uni cuz that will mean that you can wake up 5 minutes before anything and still be on time.
14. That you'll be eating unhealthily despite being a med student.
15. That you'll constantly see pictures of food being compared to different lesions and wounds.
16. That you'll miss your social and personal life all at once.
17. That you wish you can have someone to rant all your problems to.
18. That you will sometimes wonder, "Am I prepared to suffer for the rest of my life for my dreams?"
19. That you'll begin to re-evaluate your whole life's values.
20. That you'll type out 20 random things about what being a med student is like.

Haha. Of course, number 19 really applies to me. Re-evaluating your life values ain't easy. And its just a small step into the world of the 'adults'. Right now, I'm just an immature kid who's living in a life filled with adults and older people. =P

Growing up ain't easy. No one ever said it was. Maturing and growing up are two different things that are one. =(

Wish someone gave me a warning ><

17 August 2009

Do you put a freaking music video on blogger anyway???

A video from youtube I mean ><

Anyway, until someone tells me how, I'll just put the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfR7EHvX0_U

Our local music scene is really good =D

They're just unappreciated =(

16th August 2009

Next stop?

Study for my summative T.T

Added on with the celeb for Yee Wen's departure. But, Tsing and Lai Mun aren't here =(

Lolz. I've noticed that the size of gatherings with old friends are getting smaller in number.
Less people are around to disturb, I mean, hang out with.

But with new places and new experiences, comes with new people to disturb, I mean, hang out with. =D

For example...

In the library,

Its fun to disturb, I mean, study with people like Wolf who has a truck load of colour pens =D
And people like Aku when he looks so blur and sometimes you get to hear unbelievable stories of how he got locked out of his own car twice.
With Yi Wen, we can always tease Aku together =D

With E Li, you can always make fun of her. And just...study with her. Yes, study. What else can I do other than bullying, er, I mean, studying with her?

Then there's Esther, Guan Teck and Kevin. Tsk tsk. Guan teck is so easy to bully especially if Esther's around =P

So, by moving on, we get to meet new people. Experience the world, and overcome hardships along the way =)

Hardships are just a part of life. We confront it, and conquer it!

Summative? HERE I COME!

15th August 2009

This 101st is dedicated to Dianne.

As she's mentioned in her blog, this time, it really feels like she's leaving.
The previous time she was only gone for about half a year.

Now she's leaving for a good 2 whole years; which by then, I might be overseas.

><

And she's leaving in approx. 1 hour + time. Its already 9.54pm.

This was us before you left the last time.

Sorry I couldn't send you off this time =(

Take care and all the best =)

Words are not needed amongst the best of friends~
quoted by Me.

Haha.

As proven by how we manage to win every pictionary ;D

Steph...apparently you need to spend more time with Sarah. Haha.

13th August 2009