Wait, What? It's Tomorrow?

the week past by surprisingly quick, boohoohoohoo is coming back tomorrow! i still remember very clearly how dreadful it was a week ago. first 2 days was disaster! but then time just zoomed by. probably because time just past so fast when i do morning shifts, though i remember how i came home to do nothing, bored, catching up on shows on Funshion then sleep. by the way, weather has been perfect to sleep in but i never get the chance to! temperature falls to as low as 17deg at night, perfect to cocoon under a blanket with lots of pillows around. it is just the time of the year with long heavy rains everyday, the sun has gone hiding and it just gets so chilly! too bad i'd to get myself out of bed at about 7am everyday.. can't wait to sleep in tomorrow! which means i am not going to fetch boo at the airstrip, hahaha besides the want-to-sleep-in-please, the wet roads are also kind of dangerous and i would give it a miss to travel on that. yeah lah, i just want to sleep in. hahaha.

it excites me to see Mum using Facebook. instead of those usual "horrors" people mention when they have their Mums on Facebook, i love to have my Mum as a "friend"! it gives me another platform to see what's going on back at home, the interesting dinners and food they eat and my Mum's humour (which is not intended, i just find her funny). on the other hand, i feel gulity that i am not posting enough pictures for her to see! and yes, during our last Skype session along with sis, we were telling her to download Instagram, she will then be able to see more pictures i have. 

it is funny how everytime i get back to my room, i can feel that i am in another world of my own. more so when i watch chinese shows or listen to chinese music. the feeling is very weird whenever i step out and had to start greeting my peers and speaking in Swahili. all of a sudden i am back to Tanzania. it is a really interesting feeling. it is also a good time while boo is away for me to catch up on my chinese shows because i seldom watch them when boo is around. it is not nice to have a foreign language running in the room, at least he will never do that to me. he always listens to english songs or watch english movies.

i am kind of sleepy now but trying to stay up a lil hoping to speak to boo. that poor guy has been travelling since 6am in the morn and unfortunately got delayed because his bus got into a small accident. thankfully he wasn't hurt and no one in the bus was. only trouble was the whole bus of people waited 3 - 4 hours for the next bus to pick them up. which also means that he will probably reach Arusha only sometime midnight with all these delay in addition to the initial 10 hour drive. and of course, he phone probably went out of battery or simply couldn't receive any network on the way. he super suay lah because his last trip from Dar to Arusha also got delayed.

please give me strength to go to the gym tomorrow.

& lastly, a shoutout to my BFF

Hello Bitch! Since you are still reading! :D

Sitting in the empty room, Hello December

Why empty.

I was told two days ago he decided to leave for Dar a couple of days to attend some "personal" issue. Very displease with his use and idea of "personal" but after a quiet 30 minutes to myself, I had a clear idea of why he chose not to disclose what was that "personal" issue he had. Ready to face him with a little secret to himself, he pulled me close to him with smell of beer in his breath,

"A couple of beer later, I decided that I should tell you ... "

"Somebody was so upset! Her eyes changed completely ..."

Of course I was upset when he chose to keep things from me. But his decision and eventually telling me brightened my night again. And there was nothing ugly to hide from me, he was just "not ready" to tell me because of the uncertainty. Which I also thought there shouldn't be anything "not ready" between us. 

Anyhow, sent him off at the airstrip today and it's gna be probably 7 days until I see him again. Last night when he caught me with the upset face, he said "C'mon, people stay apart for years, it's only gna be a week." Ok, face palm. He was upset that I am upset and gna miss him. So unique. 

As he convinced me to take today off so I could drop him off at the airstrip, I came back in the empty car on the wet and slippery road. Took a longer route because some bridges were flooded and we couldn't pass. But I shouldn't forget to mention me witnessing the wilderbeest migration once again, magnificent. They were not too near to the lodge yet. Also saw a lioness sitting under a tree and a family of giraffe by the road, super close to the car. 

Came back for an early lunch at Maji Bar. Ordered my usuals - Maji Chopped Salad and Chicken Nyama Choma. Early lunch means ended lunch early. Came back to the empty house (because housemates are working), switched on the TV and was showing a repeated episode of Masterchef Australia. Wanted to do a quick clean of bedroom. Definition of quick clean is sweep and mop exposed floor only. But ended up with thorough cleaning the room. Meaning I sweeped and mopped the whole floor, changed bedsheet, cleaned all windows and bedside table and everything on it. Best of all, I moved around my furniture in the room and now feeling like I have a new room. Love the set up right now, laptop conveniently set beside my bed with right access to the plugs.

Procrastinating to go to the gym and now waiting to Skype my Mum & Sis. Also thinking of what to have for dinner. I wish I had more things to do to kill time. During empty times like these, I really miss my friends. Hahaha. 

Hoping the week will fly by though more ahead for me to miss.

ending this year

just cannot believe the year is closing again, my second festive in the bush coming right up! it's so scary to think that I have already been here for a year and 3 months, it felt like yesterday I left FS Sin and embarking on my journey here. but thinking back, a lot of things had happened here in my bush life, many people came and go, I seem to be losing track a bit but for past week I have been thinking about those people who left, surprisingly. 

nothing exciting is happening here, really. my life is completely dull. it is so difficult to keep your mind up while you mix work and social life together, even if you don't want to. everything you want to do outside your work time is being watched/judged - likewise I am doing the same to others, subconciously. you just complicate things up, unnecessarily. okay, I. I don't think anyone here is putting their heart & soul at work, just because we can't separate our lives up. but anyway, I have to say this is truly a once in a lifetime experience. I know I will never want to do it again but I am glad I did it this time anyway. 

while everyone wants to travel out and explore the world, all I wna do is to go home! hahaha.

such a pity that I missed my sister's birthday, again. and she is what! 22 years old already?! 

happy birthday once again my dear girl - study hard for your exams!

nobody will know how much I miss my family, and how many family dinners I have missed out. food food food food food. but so glad that air tix & accommodations for Jan trip is fixed. can't wait to go home lah! 

miss all my sweethearts back home too. can't wait to see ya'll.

all in 8 days

back from yet another vacation. all i remember (and want to remember) was the whole new level of happiness i never experienced in my life. this was the first official trip with my boo and i never expect it to turn out this wonderful, and beautiful. especially we were having some rocky moments before our trip and was almost to the verge of cancelling it. i am so glad we went ahead with it. 

now i truly understood how stressful he was being in the lodge for 4 months without a vacation. we never argued once, which is really rare when you travel with someone. 

we decided to stay in the country this time. on our plan was the busiest city - Dar es Salaam, and to visit Lake Victoria in Mwanza. Dar was extremely crowded, hot & humid. but since he used to work there, it was rather easy to move around. we spent most time doing his "administrative" stuff in the day and at night was all about club/bar/lounge hoppin'. we almost didn't have time to finish what he needed to do before our flight to Mwanza. but he decided to give some stuff a miss because he didn't want to disappoint me in postponing or cancelling Mwanza trip. all i remember enjoyed doing was eating and eating. went to Hyatt for 2 dinners because of the Oriental restaurant which i had delicious Thai, dimsum and sashimi! i could feel that time slowed down as i place that piece of yellow tail sashimi into my mouth. i didn't take any pictures because i didn't want to be too Singaporean/Asian in a 5 star hotel. hahaha.

on the other hand, we had so much free time in Mwanza because there was really nothing much to do besides seeing Lake Victoria. i planned too many days in Mwanza and ended up feeling quite guilty about it. thankfully, there is an amazing club which boo liked and we stayed to 5am first night and 2am second night. we also managed to find ourselves in a Chinese restaurant beside the rock beach and went back there for dinner the next day. the fried rice and fried noodle was omg-so-delicious! too bad i was too full from too much beer during the trip and couldn't finish my food. i wish i could order everything from the menu! Lake Victoria is beautiful, the largest lake in Africa. and i swear it looks like a sea, that big! and i think also because of the lake, there are many many many mosquitoes in Mwanza. to the extend you can see probably 10 in a sight. 

during the trip i remember so much laughing because boo has mastered my Singlish and everytme he imitates me just makes me chuckles. i swear its very funny, and he speaks like me all the time. to the extend that i get worried if his English will deteriorate to mine. he also takes great care of me during the trip because travelling anywhere in Africa can be very dangerous, or just easily disturbed by the people on the streets when they see you as non-black. disclaimer: i am not being racist and in fact they are being one towards me. anyway, we also finally get a lot of alone time exploring new places and trying new bars and clubs. good thing we are both late raiser and never get pissed off when we head out only at lunch time everyday. if not for boo by me during this trip, i would say it is a complete disaster the entire trip. 

1. if you want to complain about service in Singapore, wait till you come to Africa. almost all the restaurants we visited has slow and bad service. it made me truly understand why it is so difficult to get good waiters to work in out lodge. one day i even asked my boo, why can others tolerate the service? he said, because they don't even know what is "good service". 100% true that. the customers don't even think they need to see the smile on the waiter's face when presented with the menu. they find it acceptable to wait for 45 minutes for their food and pay high prices at the end of the meal. fyi, main courses are easily USD10 and imagine you order starters and drinks... for mediocre food and lousy service. well, to be fair we did find some places with ok food and service, but very rare. we had bad experience for almost every meal.

2. no metered taxi. i think this is still very common is many underdeveloped cities. it is important to negotiate a price before you get into a cab and it can be very difficult if you don't know the exact distance or the usual rates. we were sort of "cheated" for the first 2 days in Mwanza and paid almost 50% more than the normal rates. and i mean normal rates is one for a Mcina beside my boo. he probably can get even cheaper without me. in addition, all taxis are the driver's own car. and as you know, most cars in these countries are secondhand, the one you hopped in might just be from Singapore. so they can be dirty and stinky. 

3. the streets can be extremely dangerous. i swear i never felt so uptight despite travelled many cities. nothing is compared to the streets in Africa. on one hand i held my bag so tight and on other my boo's hand. people make random racist comments and uncomfortable stares to us. i would imagine how rare it is to see a black-yellow couple but it was really unease. i am actually quite surprised that we didn't get robbed or pickpocketed, really. worst, my boo had to tell me all the possible weapons the street junkies could have - to scare or to prepare me, i don't know. from screwdrivers to razor blades for the thieves on the streets, to guns or knives for people in the clubs. omfg! glad i am back in one piece!

i really don't know if i would recommend anyone to visit Africa. 

this place is surely not for the faint-hearted. 

to end off this post with a happier note, i just had a best week of my life with my boo.

well, hello October, 10th

5 days passed my birthday already? time sure is flying by quick! this year i felt kinda different as my birthday approaches. one, because it is my second birthday spent in the bush and i just felt so unhealthy and disgusted - i should be out having fun or spending some time with my family, no? second, hitting a quarter of a century (plus point one which is spending it in the bush) just make it feel so... old is not the word but wondering if i am living the 25th year of my life to the fullest? obviously not, to that question. but well, that day had to come (and passed). i really didn't expect much this year. if anyone remembers, last year on this day we happen to have a Managers' party and everyone just sort of celebrated my birthday with me. plus that was the initial months hence everyone was happy, happening and together. a year have passed while the clique gets more obvious along with the frustrations at work/social life, i don't expect and didn't enjoy any social events with my colleagues out of work. *writes Anti-Social on my forehead* 

on the night of the 4th, i was home alone because boyfriend had to do dinner + closing shift for the outlet. all i did was to watch some shows and fell asleep while waiting for him to come home. eventually he showed up at 1am (i heard the main door opened) and he rushed in and shouted "happy birthday" in a very Singlish way. he told me to get dressed up (cos i was in my pj) and we should go out (to the living room) to have some drinks and celebrate. he left the room and said, come out in 10mins. of cos this sentence is already telling me that he had planned something outside. in less than 10mins, he opened our room door and came with a bouquet of red & yellow roses. i swear i broke into tears. the bouquet came in an old-school wrapping, simple. but what made me cried so hard is that fact of getting that bouquet from town (the 8 hour drive away) to Serengeti. he then explained that he requested for the yellow roses cos its my favourite colour, along with the red ones. and he also requested for a special way to be done up. then we did go to the living room and had a couple of drinks before we hit the sack. 

the next day was our day off, everything was spent as a typical day off. what funny was in the afternoon after lunch, i went to our fridge and got some pepsi. i came back to the room and he was shocked to see me holding the pepsi and he said "you went to the fridge? so you saw the sparkling wine" and yes i did see the sparkling wine. first i did think it was another surprise for me but again i thot it could belong to the other housemates so i didnt think that much. the moment i stepped back into the room, i had already forgotten about it. so yes, he hid that bottle of sparkling wine in our tiny fridge supposedly for dinner at night. which he didnt bring it along with us because he had other plans of inviting some friends over to our house for some beer, soda. the typical way people celebrate their birthday. we ended up in the recreation because we caught some colleague there, already having a weekend party. 

so this was how i spent my 25th birthday! the Serengeti way...

October, sure or not!

ok, honestly where did September go? i don't remember time passing so quickly for the past year here in Serengeti. i remember how slowly each day was especially after i came back from Singapore. now it's already October and i have been back for a month & half now! eeeeeeee. no wonder i am missing the food & friends & family already. 

well, there has been a couple of occasions i want to write about something here. in fact i wrote an entry but did not publish it. after writing a whole chuck i found out that it is quite inappropriate to upload it. most times we only remember the existence of our blog when we are upset. most entries i read around are sad stuff. same for me. it is true and unfortunate that we turn to a social media when we are upset about something instead of talking to someone. well, at least i really tried to do that first, especially difficult when i am so faraway from my friends back home. 

anyway, facing some difficult times in the bush. it is just so emotionally draining to be staying here. i have to admit that work is easy peasy but there are a set of different challenge i face each day which can be frustrating as well. in additional coping a relationship where both of us see & live with each other every single day, no time apart can be a challenge too.

but not forgetting, how fortunate i am to be living in a UNESCO site. i know many of you want to trade places with me and i am very thankful for the opportunity in my life to be living with extremely beautiful sunsets every single day. watching the wildlife passing in front of me, although i am really getting used to it but i still tell myself to stop my feet and watch these beautiful elephants, waterbucks, wilderbeest. the waterbucks has been around these days, so near to our staff accommodation as if they are our pets!

regardless of some issues boyfriend and i are facing now, i am really looking forward to our trip in 2 weeks time. we really need some time out of the bush to see humans! poor boyfriend has been here since end-June and it can turn someone cray i must say! i hope to learn to be more understanding please Socky.

feel like napping now.

so happy BBT is back!

worst travelling yet?

didn't mean to start off an entry negatively but all i remember for the past week is how gruesome my journey back from Singapore was. i must say that i am always pretty lucky when i travel, never really met any issues/delays/road blocks. but i never knew or expect how my journey went this time doing the Tanzania - Singapore - Tanzania trip. i hope this is the worst i will ever get and never again! geez. the travelling back journey was so bad that it made me wna write about the long one while going to. 

it started with the Serengeti - Arusha - Singapore route. this started before my day of departure. firstly, i was given the cheapest route to take travelling from Tanzania - Singapore (of course), and this means 20+ hours each way and needing to overnight in Arusha to catch next day's flight etc. while sourcing other alternatives, i found an ideal route of Arusha - Nairobi - Singapore - Nairobi - Arusha which i did not have to stay a night in both ways. though a USD200 difference, i decided to top up and book it anyway, to save on the travelling time as it will only take 18 hours. just a couple of days before my leave, i didn't managed to get the ticket from Seronera (air ticket) to Arusha on the same day and was told i have to leave a day early. which also means i have to stay a night in Arusha, alone. well, i didn't have a choice but to leave a day earlier though my flight was at 3pm next day. i stayed in the lodge's Arusha office, which we have some rooms. but it was faraway from town hence i spent the evening till the next day only in the room. also didn't expect the night to be extremely cold, it was winter in Arusha btw, and i hardly slept for the night. though flight was at 3pm and i only had to report to airport at 2pm, i had to wake up early to follow our Arusha driver to run some errands before he dropped me at the airport. both flights from JRO - NBO - DXB was ok but from DXB - SIN was bad. even though i was on Emirates A380, excellent new plane but i was just having air-sick and feeling nausea and all. plus the flight was so full so packed and it only made it worst. but when i arrived in Singapore, i instantly recovered and had my first meal at terminal 1's staff cafeteria for Ayam Penyet! also thanks to both brothers for picking me up at the airport. 

now to think about the return trip, horrible is the only word! firstly it started off at Singapore's airport. blame myself because i packed too much (heavy) stuff and my luggage was overweight of 12kg. i never knew how costly overweight baggage could be and my jaw dropped when the lady told it it's gna cost $990 for 10kg. never am i gna pay that amount of money hence i became one of those people who started opening up their luggage and removing stuff from it. finally managed to bring down the weight a little and checked in my stuff. a week before leaving Singapore, i heard from a colleague that Nairobi airport was on fire. but afterwhich seems like things got better and international flights are able to fly in/out again. so i didnt have any worry. after arriving in Dubai and knowing that my flight was at the other (really faraway) terminal, i rushed to the gate after checking my gate number on the screen. after arriving at the gate, i waited and waited but nothing seemed to be happening yet it should already be boarding time. 30 mins after the time my flight supposed to depart, i finally went to check the information counter because i wasn't seeing my flight on the screen anymore. i was also pretty sure that i didnt miss my flight on some other gates. flight was supposed to leave at 0235 but when i fnally got more information after checking with 4 airport ground staff, it was already 0400 and i was told my flight was delayed to 1705! what the shit! and the staff at the airline's counter "kindly" informed me that i can claim a meal at McDonalds! what the shit x2! the staffs were all least helpful and empathetic about it. and one other thing which i don't understand until today is that almost no one seem to know what was happening to the flight and it just disappeared from the screen. well, unfortuanately enough the aiport hotel was fully booked that night and it wasn't possible for me to leave the airport to stay somewhere else cos it was wee hours, i stayed around at the transit area napping from bench to bench. i finally passed thru the gruelling hours and went to check in at the new gate. because mine was a delayed flight, the people had trouble checking me in and i was soooooo worried i will have to be bumped off to the next flight again. flight finally took off and i arrived in Nairobi at 9pm. well, i figured that the delayed was due to the situation at the airport and true enough when i arrived, i saw huge tents outside the terminal and passengers were just waiting for boarding in the tents while it was 20deg cel. went to the transfer desk and soon after i heard one lady calling my name off a boarding pass. i quickly took it and was so relieved to see that boarding time for NBO - JRO flight was at 2120. the hour's flight was fast and soon after i finally arrived in Kilimanjaro. waited for my baggage at the belt and guess what, they didn't arrive! can anything get worst, seriously? was informed by ground staff the next flight from NBO - JRO is the next day morning hence the luggages will probably be here by them. actually i didnt even bother much about my luggage but just wanted to get to a hotel to sleep! stayed a night at my usual hotel, crashed as i was soooooo tired from the travelling. the tiredness you cannot imagine. went around town next morning to run some errands and get some stuff for me to bring back to the lodge. it was actually kind of scary to go around alone tho i do know the town well. at last! took off from the 1pm flight and finally arrived at the lodge 3.30pm in the afternoon. 

i really didn't know how i made it but i did! i really dont want to go thru this ever again..

home is the best!

not expecting myself to be blogging because i didn't bring back my laptop. ask me how can i do that, yes you have and will do that when your luggage is expected to be severely overweight. seems like it already will be! it has been amazing being home for the past 2 weeks. i was expecting my schedule to be extremely packed (chey!) and time will pass super fast. but i was wrong. i had a lot of time to myself, staying at home and with the family. and time went by pretty well. a little surprising to know that i've got only 4 days left in Singapore but i felt that my time will truly well spent. enough time with both family & friends.

extremely grateful to all my friends who found time off their busy schedule to meet me - all the more to those who wants to meet me more than once. very very grateful. don't exactly know if i chose the right time to be back because a lot of friends are actually out of town this period! mainly due to the long weekend of ND & Raya. on the other hand, happy that Mum & Sis are free this two weeks. i think i've worked out my 3 weeks pretty well. 

although we only had 2 hours, but it was the best time spent with the best friend. this 11 months apart felt like nothing when we met. we just talked, just like before. also didn't realized how much i missed my best friend until the very day we met, for Mcdonalds! he is the best :)

not entirely dreading to go back to the lodge because i can't wait to see the boyfriend soon. 

very much packed to head back to the lodge but luggage seems to be so overweight already! how is it possible when we are only given one-time relocation fee when we have to buy our one year supplies each time we return from home! sometimes i feel that i overpacked but seems like i really need that amount of stuff for the next year? shampoo, shower gel, food stuff, cosmetics, so many many things!

wow, 4 more days left in Singapore. i can't express how much i miss and love SG despite being crowded, humid, hot, congested. i am going to enjoy every moment left at home before i embark on another journey back to the bush!

eleven months

& jaded. 

frustrated how things remained the same. annoyed how stupid people remained where they are. giving up hoping that things will get better. hey, it will never be. disappointed with what i got myself into. it was my choice to move here. it was not my choice of management team i had to work with. 

going home dates are confirmed. and confirmed with only going to spend 3 weeks at home instead of all 28 days. i do wish to take the entire month though, but i promised the boyfriend to keep a week until his home leave so we can spend some time travelling Africa. disturbed by how the 3 quotes i picked up got all rejected and the-one-in-charge-of-money picked the cheapest with doubled travelling time. i had to top up additional $$ only to reduce my travelling hours home. what were we promised? nobody promised. nobody keeps promise. 

my baby just made me a beautiful drink - love it. ten times better than the watermelon spicy mojito he made in the evening. hahaha.

14 more days to go home!

still uploading my last R&R photos, so slow! last bit of Istanbul...

home callin'

i am overwhelmed with nothing these days. surprised with so much thoughts in my yet they seem to be nothing important as i can say. we were sitting in circle last night, again trying to figure out what brought us all to this isolation. from different parts of the world, different cultures and how different we grew up, we ended up in the same-ol bar, same drinks, same thoughts. life cannot be tougher as the days go by. the urge of running, escaping is understatement. for me, as simple as wanting to see different people, eat different food. maybe even if it gives me food poisoning, i need a different taste on my tongue. 

as i was walking towards the furthest villa last night, the sound of baboons screaming and lion roar, the fear of a lion or leopard pouncing onto me from the rocks from the side of the walkway - i cannot describe. as we were sitting at the bar, two lions roar was so close, it felt like they were just right out at the watering hole by the pool. several guests and employees rushed out to see, we could not see anything in the fields of darkness, as the lions continues to roar. yes, fascinating indeed, but what truly was in our mind was which direction these lions were heading - towards our housing, or away with it's prey for hunting. we could not ease out mind but we walked home, not mentioning, didn't want to jinx it. 

almost finalizing my plans to go home end of this month - yes friends & family, i am coming back. to my initial plan of being back only in mid august, but i sincerely cannot stay here any longer. i need the break to somewhere familiar with comfort food, friends, family and love. have i mentioned? my list of food to eat is already longer than the list for things to do in Singapore.

as i am typing this in the comfort of the A/C and leather couch, about 20 elephants are couple of metres out there by the watering hole having their usuals drinking session in the fields of dry Serengeti plains. it's dry season in the Serengeti, fields are turning golden brown with the lack of rainfall. bush fires are a daily event which lights up certains parts of the darkness in the night. the smoke is choking, at least to me. i have troubles sleeping.

i just ordered an iced coffee. the new Lavazza coffee really makes a difference. 

hahaha, laughing at myself looking thru Lady Iron Chef website's Best Lists. what a torture!

all you need to do to make me happy

x picking up the wild yellow flower by the road

x taking the 5 seconds to close the curtain so that the sun doesn't shine on me despite you being late for work

x not switching on the music when i need to sleep

#ootd

TRF oversized tee x Bershka white denim shorts x Converse high cut

cannot drink coffee

this uncertainty is killin me. i never imagine one day i am dealing with this - well, more like at this time of my life. the past couple of days has just been difficult to past. with all these things going on at work, i wish somebody can understand this unnecessary stress that i am going thru. 

hate to be complaining about work, why does work never remain satisfying and happy. am i demanding too much or is there really something wrong with it. it is reasonable to feel frustrated after being here for almost 11 months and some things just remain unchanged? unacceptable, right? with the pressure and frustration everyone is going thru, what can be done to make things better for all of us. it feels sad especially that we even have to compromise our living standards because of money/cost.

it would have been more difficult if i had to do all these without the boyfriend. ok, wait. is he qualified to be called the boyfriend yet? well, regardless, he has been my support thru these times and i truly appreciate his efforts of making me happy all the time. honestly, i haven't had someone to care and do so much for me that sometimes i get surprised, yes, pleasantly surprised. 

glad that haze has gone down in homeland, Singapore. but we are picking up the bush fires again in the Serengeti - which is going to last for the next couple of months until October. basically, some bush fires are set on purpose to burn away the dried grass so that new ones can grow, while others are just created by nature due to the heat. these fires, same as the ones in Indonesia, caused haze and worst, the smoke. i'm feeling choked even sitting indoors right now. and these bush fires and be really dangerous because the lodge is made mainly out of wood!

going home in a month, maybe less than that. things are not firm but for sure i am looking forward. the list of things-to-eat is already longer than the list for things-to-do. more importantly, can't wait to see my loved ones back home. 

p.s. sissy, hope you're feeling better and see you soon my love!

this time.
no joke.

it's good that the "truth" is out, at least I don't have to keep wondering. may not be the best answer I want to know but better than knowing nothing. thanks to bff, bff on-site and sissy for being my listening ear. cannot imagine going thru this without 'em. 

let's see what takes us from today, whereever.

Surely easier to read with white background - that's why paper is always white.

x Almost a year since I left the last hotel, feels weird to see the "new generation" in the department.

x Almost a year into the new hotel, I am starting to get mixed feelings. Why am I still not feeling that I belong here? Just constantly feel that I am only the transition and time is almost up.

x Being out you always feel that you're alone. I am getting my second phrase of drawback.

x A month to going home. Why am I not feeling as excited as I should? What if I don't feel like coming back to what supposed to be the second home?

x Even miles apart, talking to bff is the best thing to calm me and make me feel better. He is such a gift, he is god sent.

Now, all I can do is wait.

I shouldn't forget this other tough time I'm going thru.

Dear Panda,

Why did you do this to me?

酱油

"holy moly!"

the past month has been nothing but exciting. i cannot find anymore excuse for not finding the time to blog but i just don't seem to have any spare time to do so! final R&R for the year happened two weeks ago to Beirut & Istanbul. i still remember the excitement prior to the trip and sure enough it was indeed an exciting one. dreaded the 9 hours transit in Doha; 4 hours wait for sissy to arrive was horrible. i was extremely sleepy but didn't want to fall asleep, worried i would miss meeting the sister. at the time we were supposed to meet, i was just anxiously seated at the food court we agreed to meet at. and after seeing a few Singaporeans passing, there she was and tada, we were wearing the same H&M top we bought in States last year. i simply couldn't stop OMG OMG OMG. 

arrived in Lebanon and Samih was so kind to pick us up from the airport, and basically brought us around during our entire stay. i couldn't thank him enough, as well as Elias & George's hospitality. was upgraded to a beautiful Premier Suite on the 21st floor by G and Samih & Elias spent their entire weekend showing us around not only Beirut but to other parts of Lebanon. i was as usual pathetic and not knowing enough Lebanese history or any other Middle Eastern history to understand what they were saying but i have thoroughly enjoyed myself travelling around with the boys and getting my hands on the Lebanese food which they have been raving for months. never was i a moment i was hungry, always full and stuffed i would say! food was rich and heavy and endless! didn't experience the nightlife as much as they have been mentioning, apparantly the best nightlife in Middle East. only did a night of bar hopping with i think is much comparable to what we have in Singapore. the long travels up North and down South during the day also pretty much tired us out. at least i am happy that i did the "you must come to Beirut" from Elias to everybody else.

left Lebanon early morning and flew to Istanbul. from then the second and different part of adventure begin. we were finally on our own. thanks to sister's research (ok, i didn't do any research for the trip at all), we managed to find the coach from the airport to somewhere nearer to our hotel. my sixth sense told us to take a metro then tram instead of taking a cab which i only wanted to pay enough for a coke. arrived at the tram station which was a stone throw away from our hotel and why didn't we ask for directions earlier, we walked away from the hotel for a good 20 minutes dragging our luggages. at last we decided to ask some nice people who showed us the direction of our hotel which is 5 minutes walk from the station - ha. did i mention we landed at 9am and arrived at our hotel at past 2pm. hungry us decided to go get some food nearby our hotel, located at some small street (but pretty safe). so we kept walking up the hill and we ended up in this huge stretch of shops and eateries. i got all excited and we ended up there everyday. spent the next day visiting the old town of Sultanamet where the historic mosques, markets and streets are located. was a good day being very touristy and Istabul is really flooded with tourist! 

i personally enjoyed Istanbul very much. the city is extremely convenient to travel around with all the public transport easily accessible to everywhere you want and need to go. the place is developed and you can find known brands, shops and eateries while not forgetting the thousand years old history behind it, the strong culture of the turks and it's language. prior to the trip, some colleagues told me turks are least friendly and doesn't speak much English. i beg to differ cos during our trip, we met many nice people, very helpful though they really don't speak much English. the city is a good mix of the new and the old and i felt there was so much absorbed in me during that five days. 

most importantly, what made the trip this enjoyable is travelling alone with the sister for the very first time! and i am so glad that we picked such unique destinations as our virgin trip together. i am certain she enjoyed as much as i did. all the fun, adventure, jokes, food, walks, shopping, more food, tea/coffee, catch ups, htht we shared during this trip was simply priceless. we laughed, ate, talked, listened to music, really ate alot. love her even more!

only ten days after i returned to the lodge, i took a 3 days off and went to Arusha. it was good to spend some time within this country and again eating different food. found a place  with really nice Chinese food, and not even a Chinese restaurant and we had to go back the second time. had lots of local ginger chai and samosa for tea. also checked out the club which he was raving about but unfortunately not much crowd on a thurs and friday night, plus lots of Jamaican-African songs instead of international hits. though i could get used to the US2 beer they sell in the club. anyhow, i had a great time knowing this town better.

xx

Hello 16 May! 

In a couple of hours, the house will be empty for a week. All of us will be on our R&R. You are free to come steal the Kit Kat from my fridge. I'll be leaving the lodge at 9am to the airstrip, happy that this time I will have a company for the boring and bumpy ride to Seronera. Dreading the flight from Sero - Arusha. Hopefully to catch a nice meal before catching my flight at JRO. Boo to a stopover at Dar before flying to Doha for a transit. Picked up the 9hr transit so that I can meet my sister flying in from Singapore and catch the next plane to Beirut. Downloaded a couple of movies/shows into my phone to pull me thru' the first 5hrs until the sissy joins. Another 2hr flight we should land in Beirut and fingers crossed that Sammy will pick us up to Four Seasons Beirut. Wonder what is it going to be like the next 11 days exploring Beirut and followed by Istanbul but I am pretty sure it will be a magical Middle Eastern trip. 

Random Sidenote.

x E-Housing wifi is pathetically slow. 

x I tripped into a drain three days ago because it was so dark around the E-Housing area. Twisted my ankle a bit but luckily I am recovering well. 

x Don't envy that I am going for R&R again soon after I came back from Seychelles. If anyone still remembers.

x The owner of the lodge finally remembers my name and no longer calls me The Singapore Girl. He gave me his number & email address knowing I am going Beirut ;)

x I have been happy for the past 3 weeks. 

x Not sure if I am done packing because I can't think of anything else to put into my luggage. But as usual I feel something is missing. Though I always end up telling myself - as long as I remember passport! 

x I just had 2 fingers of Kit Kat.

x Listening to 林宥嘉 right now.

x New nickname: 酱油

You don't know how much it means to me to see my sister in a day's time.

xoxo,

Surely, it is crazy to think about travelling to Middle East for next R&R. As I read on my sister's post about her worries to Phnom Penh in June, I am actually more concern about us heading to Beirut & Istanbul which is happening in 13 days. What struck me the most is how we rebelled against our parents' (and brother's) objection to go to Beirut but... me being me, I always do what I want and go where I want. It is almost never a question anymore, but a statement. Well for this time, for all the places I have been to, with the excitement aside, I do get a little worried. And maybe because I will be carrying the responsibility of taking care of my baby sister as we travel through the secrets of Middle East. But wait, honestly, how adventurous is that gonna be for the both of us. I am excited about Istanbul as much as for Beirut. We are left with the final step to book the flight from Beirut to Istanbul and tada.. I will be waiting for that moment we meet in Doha during our transit. 

On a side note, I am extremely proud of my baby sister taking on the 2 months internship in Phnom Penh. I just love how she knows what she wants and what she fights for. I am so quoting her for "If anything, Mum and Papa, if anything happens to me - I hope you know that the reason why I make these decisions to go these places is because both of you have taught me to be independent and strong-spirited, to follow my dreams and walk my path."

Alright, worries aside, I am going off on a date. The usual one with ma homies of Serengeti.

Till then...

xx

I've moved. Finally into my new room, my home for the next 1 year 4 months probably. It never felt better although I was getting attached to my previous room, which can never be cosier than this new one. At last I can say "I am going home" than saying "I am going back to my room". So far, I'm loving it. 

8 months down the road, I am truly making this place my second home. 

The friends I am making, the love I am getting. I truly have no complains.
Although there are a couple of people who doesn't quite like me, annoying stares or fake smiles. But whenever someone sees me and gives me that huge wave and "hello Socky", it simply makes my day.

Also looking forward to my next R&R trip to Beirut & Istanbul. An advanturous journey not only for myself but also taking it with my sister is making it more exciting.

Virtual

Blogs/Facebook/Twitter/Whatsapp/Instagram/Youtube/Email

It is an irony hopping on the train into the virtual world while I embark on the journey in wild & nature. Today we are sitting down in one of the best kept secret of Mother Nature, talking about how the World will end by humans killing humans. Turning around sharing and checking the above with our smartphones, tablet and laptop. Another irony that each of us miss home & family but we are probably in one of the safest corner - ok, despite the threat of a lion, elephants, buffaloes, snakes, bugs and bees.

 知足怎么写...

Yet another weekend. I am missing out on sleep and just wna stay awake because there is no work tomorrow. There are a lot of things going thru my mind but yet seemed to be unimportant ones. Just revolving around keeping things up in the bush. How these people I hang out with is nothing but my family. But the feeling is never the same comparing to anyone back home.

I just want to be real.

But why am I feeling constant fear that everything around me is not. And when people start leaving someday, I will be forgotten, things I have done will be forgotten. But, does it matter or should it matter at all. 

Someone came up to me yesterday, telling me he likes to see me. Because I am always smiling, always joyful. I tried putting my smile behind and away, but somehow I couldn't do it. Is being happy making me happy, or making me more depressed?

Really thinking if I should go on my next R&R or just wait up and combine it with my home leave.

I don't know.

I have learnt that there are so many things money can't buy.

I have a lot of money - but nothing to buy.
LOL

E for Elie.

How another 3 months has passed. As I said it many times how I dislike saying goodbyes but this has to happen over and over again. Every task force is unique in his/her way (wait, we haven't had a female task force). Anyway, Elie first came October for a one & a half month HR task force. He is I swear the most friendly guy (maybe because he is HR), super helpful and amazing work commitment. I still remember there was once at almost 9pm at night and one of my guy had to go on emergency the next day, he came back to the office and processed all the paperwork for me. He went home after a couple of weeks, I received the news of him coming back for another phrase of task force, this time six months. Being the super nice guy, he asked almost everyone if we needed anything from Beirut, and he brought almost everyone something. Still vivid on the day he arrived back in the lodge, and how I teased him when he said "good to be back!". Of course these three months built a great friendship, he was great, as usual. I don't know how time flew by but comes end of March and he actually went back to Beirut yesterday already! He was also the one who was telling everyone to visit Beirut. :) 

Time passes so quick but nevertheless I will remember this wonderful friend I don't wna lose. Feeling really sad and misses him so much already! He is super nice and super-good. Hopefully, hopefully, I will see you in May! Meanwhile, enjoy one month Sunny Side of Life!!

Listening to Chinese songs never felt so good.
Jay Chou to MayDay to David Tao.

Swee.


I miss you bestfriend. Where are you?

What I learnt at work today.

• Don't get upset over stupid people.

• Get advice before doing anything rash.

Well done.

While I was away...

A lion came our water pond in front of the driveway

Three Leopard cubs spotted on the rocks near to my block

A hail in Serengeti


Missing out.

This Is Africa

Me living in isolation does not actually give me much opportunity to be exposed to the culture of this country/continent. That's why each time I go on a R&R it's nothing but an eye-opener for me. Just returned from my trip to Seychelles but what left more impression in me is in fact the journey travelling to and back. 

So in order to save save save money (to spend at Seychelles), I chose the cheapest method I could to travel to Sey. Also being adventurous, I decide to take a 5 hour shuttle from Arusha up to Nairobi, especially when my local colleagues keep telling me how easy it is. So after arriving Arusha airport from Seronera, my driver-colleague drove me to Impala Hotel and booked me on the 24-seater shuttle. And of course since my driver-colleague helped me get the ticket, it only costs me USD15, compared to other tourist paying USD50 or an hour flight at USD250. What a steal! Left Arusha and drove thru the beautiful plains of Tanzania - on the way saw lots of Masai villages, amazing hills/mountains, just beauty of nature. Reached Namanga border and luckily some nice passengers on board told me how to "cross" the border. Another couple of hours drive later, fortunately or not, met a massive jam due to the Kenya elections results and shuttle wasn't moving for a good 30 minutes. Ran super late to meet Fairman whom been waiting for me since 6.30pm - I finally arrived at 8pm. Only managed to do a short dinner and catch up.

Took me a long 21 hour from leaving FS Seychelles back to the lodge. It was the most tiring journey ever! Wasn't looking forward to take Ethopian Airlines and had to fly up to Addis Ababa and back down to Killimanjaro. Flight from SEY-ADD got delayed by 2 hours. Finally arrived at Addis Ababa at 9pm instead of 7pm. Was rushing trying to find my connecting flight and I swear that Addis airport is the most disorganized airport I have been. Not surprising for airport in Africa but I was more worried missing my connecting flight which was supposed to take off at 10.40pm. While I arrived at Terminal 2, I could never locate my next flight information on the screens, I got worried. What more, I could not even locate the help desk or any ground staff which I could asks. Finally I went to the gate, put up a sweet smile and asked on a ground staff. He told me my flight is in Terminal 1 and showed me the direction how to take the bus to T1. After walking thru some most random corridors and waited for the bus at the most random "bus stand", along with many frustrated and lost passengers. Reached T1 and I rushed to check the screen and it was showing 0040 for my flight's departure time. Again I went to ask a ground staff if the flight got delayed and he said, "No no, flight to Killimanjaro after midnight, sit down first." Clearly on my confirmation it shows 2240 hours. So I had to wait at transit for another three freaking hours, with pathetically small duty free shops and no wifi. After awhile I realized I wasn't issued a boarding pass so I told the staff at the gate and he said, "No problem", and he gave me a handwritten boarding pass. My first! Got in the plane at 0030 and it did not take off until 0115 because some irritating passengers did not arrive. Flight took 3 hours and I arrived at Killimanjaro airport at 0420. Was so happy to arrive back in Tanzania finally.

Driver colleague picked me up from the airport. Next flight back to lodge was at 8am. So during that awkward time in between, thankfully my colleague didn't leave me in lurch, he drove to his hometown and bought me the best ginger tea and I just slept in his car for an hour. By then, I was awake for 27 hours. As the sun rises, he drove me to Arusha airport and again, I totally have to thank him, he spoke to the guy at check in counter and I paid TSH5,000 (USD3) to get my overweight bag flying with me. Took off on Air Excel, first time with this company and beginning my supposedly 50 minutes flight to Sero BUT Captain asked, "who is going to Sero", "you have four stops before you reach". Immediately my face turned pale, that was the one thing I pray that it will not happen. And they always do that, only telling you when you are already seated inside the plane. Plane took off and we landed again in 8 minutes, me thinking why is the first stop so near. As I look out the plane, we were back in Arusha airport. Dang, there was engine problem and we had to landed, and changed plane. Finally took off near to 9am which is the time I was supposed to already land in Sero. At our third stop as we were taking off, the emergency exit door suddenly swing opened and everyone started screaming. Captain immediately stopped the plane, shut the door and took off again. The last 15 minutes was horrible and by then I was already almost throwing up and felt so nausea. I took out the plastic bag from the seat pocket and everyone turned and look at me, bitches. So I endured until we finally landed at Sero at 11am. 3 freaking hours on that tiny plane with 4 stops was the worst flight ever, not forgetting it was so bumpy. So of course as I landed (so) late, I missed seeing George who left and took off at 10.30am. Was so upset that I missed seeing him because I was supposed to land at 9am. Anyway, was so happy to finally reach the lodge near to 1pm. Craziest 21 hours of my life and it totally felt like my 9 days vacation was gone. But nevertheless, so happy to be back "home".

Yes, story of This Is Africa, TIA!

Beat this.

Remember the good, too.

I don't want to not mention the good days in the bush. Attended a presentation by Leanne, Mrs of DoSM, last night. She is the GM for a travel agency specialized in Africa tours. The presentation totally enlighted and reminded why I chose to come to Africa, those amazing wonders of nature in all different parts of Africa. There is just so much to see. I would really love to do one overland or adventure trip, especially to Victoria Falls, and of course not forgetting Cape Town one day! I haven't heard of any friends' interest of doing a trip in Africa but me being here is surely an opportunity to do these. So any friends if you see this and interested to do this, let me know!

So after the presentation hung out with whoever was there for a Saturday night drinks. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling well hence I did not succumb to a beer. Good thing I had Sammy to tell me not to drink because I really need to get well before I go on my R&R in two days. Attempted to watch a movie with the guys but didn't accomplished. Everyone was distracted and there was no nice movie on the list. Night ended with a walk home from block 6 to block 1 at 2am, pretty amazing and pretty scary. 

Today's off was well spent I would say. Woke up at 9.30am by a surprise whatsapp text. Stayed in my room watching tv all the way until 12.30pm. It was the most relaxing me-time in a long time actually. Also seeing elephants marching pass my room reminds me of how lucky I am to be here witnessing all these. Headed for lunch with the guys at Maji and stayed at the pool, taking pictures in the great weather. Lots of elephants came by the waterhole and two families of baboons hanging around the waterhole and the pool. Session dismissed on a good note and headed back to my room chatting with sister & PS on whatsapp. Spent some time with E late afternoon before heading back to my room and Skype mum & sis, as usual, just love talking to them. Skyped Sebast after and finally catching up face to face :) Changed and went for dinner at BOMA with the guys again and just talking nonsense really makes a difference. What a great day spent!

Really cannot thank those sweethearts in Singapore enough. First to mum & sis for getting all my stuff together since many months ago, making trips back and forth and finally passing them to PS. Not forgetting the lovely Vivian for helping me to get the make up items so efficiently, such a dear! And a special thanks Poh Suan for first, going on a vacation with me to Seychelles! And of course agreeing to bring my things over from Singapore! So much so much love from all these people, I am so blessed!

xx

There are a couple of people back home whom I always have in mind.

I'm not going to list the names out but this fine (sometimes crazy) lady just seemed to have left a lot in me.

So I told her a couple of months back that she should start writing again, a blog or a space I can read.

She started and probably got lazy again after the third post.

Today I went to her blog and saw two protected entries.

Eh Lyndel, how I read like that?
Miss you dear girl, hope you're well at the other side of the world.

xx

Magical...

I often get troubled by the smallest issues, some things which I shouldn't be bothered by. On the other hand, I get happy by the simplest pleasures. Two days ago, I received my phone back. After the whole saga of damaging my phone on my previous R&R, I dropped it when I was leaving FS Mauritius, and has been living without a smartphone then. The phone travelled for two months - Tanzania to Mauritius to Singapore back to Tanzania, through the hands of 6 people. Extremely thankful for all the people who helped me get the phone fixed at no charge, almost bought a new phone in the midst. It was a tense moment trying to get my phone fixed and readied before my colleague leaves Singapore. Phone was delivered the his hotel on the same day before his flight back to Tanzania. I thought it would take him another six days because he detoured to Rwanda for his R&R. But really nice of him to pass the phone to the Doctor who was coming to the lodge earlier. So I received a phonecall from my boss, saying I've got a package with the Doctor. I couldn't explain my excitement, really. It felt like a close friend came back. I went to the office, unwrapped the package. The moment was magical - truly. 

Of course, it only takes me awhile to get used to the phone again. How technology has won us over.

Yesterday we had a football game. Totally did not want to go and didn't want to use the word "Obliged", not to say to play a 30 minutes game. Despite having all my siblings know how to play football aka soccer, I am a complete noob. I am just not used to playing ball games without using hands. Hahaha. Regardless, stayed throughout because we won the first game and had to go into finals, which never ended because of the draw and penalty never seem to end. Still lost at the end of the evening because of some random penalty. 

A belated Valentine's Day management party in the evening. Don't even know why it is themed Vday when it is almost ten days ago. Most people sportingly showed up in Red, the dress code for the night. Evening started off boring, as usual. But when the alcohol kicks in, we started to have fun. Best part about such parties are the free drinks - beer, red, white, gin, vodka.. Told myself not to mix my drinks and not to have too much, but I did everything. Still managed to get back though, cos I followed the most sober guy who took me, at least halfway until my block. 

Woke up today with a bad headache, and feeling something missing. Feel really empty. Even up till now. I don't know what is missing. Tomorrow will be a better day.

six months!

been waiting to write this on my blog for awhile now; six months! the last month was really slow, "first week... second week... only third week... finally a crazy fourth week" and bam! it's finally the 18th/19th. it was six months ago when i first arrived at the lodge. it truly didn't felt like six months, felt like yesterday i arrived. but people at home are telling me it felt like it was longer than six.

recently it was really difficult. i'm starting to get frustrated easily - which i really don't like. maybe my expectations have raised higher that's why when they remain so stagnant, i feel the frustration. on the other hand, had to move to the Spa with two other ladies because we are running full occupancy these two days. not any worst than the five guys who had to move to Kijana Club. it must be so difficult for those guys on task force. this kind of treatment is not something i would want to get if i am helping as task force. because my lil corner in my Spa room has no internet signal, i come over to Kijana to use their internet. sitting on the floor beside six mattresses. it can be fun when we do movies on the projector screen and just hanging out at the crib, but so much of privacy one needs, right. this cannot last for more than one more night. 

i'm going crazy... a little bit!

need somebody to give me strength...

p.s. with five guys walking around the room in their boxers.. hahaha helped much! 

five & a half months

enough time to be feeling depressed, constrained & unhappy. i admit that it took me a little bit longer than others but it doesn't matter because today (or from the past week), i am feeling unhappy. it is tough to explain how i feel about being here; surrounded by nothing but work. it is more like, if your work environment is not good basically means your life here won't be. i am tired of a lot of things which are out of my control. just because of some people's mentality and selfish behaviour, can cost a lot of things. or maybe of my expectations, its tough to start. i am more of disappointed i guess. on how many things are dealt with here. maybe i should just realize my role here and do only my part. trying to do more may not be the right thing to do. i have absolute no issue with doing more or what i thought my role here is supposed to be, but apparently not. 

friends are telling me that it felt longer than five months since i am away. it is heartwarming to know that some people back home really misses me. i know life in SG is always too busy to miss people. they don't even have time to realize some people are not around. me too, some times gulity. but whenever i talk to anyone back home, it is good to know they truly miss me :) of course, i miss my friends & family too. looking at another 6 months to go to visit home. 

surely, looking forward to my next R&R. initial plans of going Cape Town got postponed despite having my accommodation booked. but one word from Rupak changed my plans and re-routed to Seychelles instead. thanks to my "good network", got my nights confirmed. even better news, PS will be joining me from SG and we are taking a total of 8 nights at the resort. absolutely looking forward to meeting the old friends from FS SG as well as PS who is like family to me. now i just need to get my flights booked and i am good to go.

didn't realize how soon it is going to by CNY again. last year, sister was away in the States and this year i am the one missing the CNY reunion. though not the biggest fan of CNY because it is the same-old CNY songs food and things to do but i do want to be back home if i can. of course not this year, i will be celebrating the festival with my Chinese friends here in the lodge instead. at least i am still going to enjoy a big feast prepared by them. 

to a better day tomorrow.

with love,

Singapore v.s. Serengeti National Park/Tanzania

Area
Singapore is 710km2 v.s. Serengeti National Park is 14,763km2

GDP
Singapore $327.557 billion v.s. Tanzania $63.892 billion

Independence from United Kingdom
Singapore 31 August 1963 v.s. Tanzania 9 December 1961

Population
Singapore 5,312,400 v.s. Tanzania 44,929,002

Source: Wikipedia

Imagine life

• Without a smartphone
• Stuck within the area of the lodge
• No options of places to go during weekends
• Employee restaurant / Guest restaurant; take it or starve
• People hide in their room from 10pm
• No car to drive

Imagine, some people thinks you work 24/7. Give me a break already.

Tough, man.

r-e-m-o-t-e

typed a whole lot but decided to delete it anyway.
staying positive is all i need to do.

go, me, go.
go, us, go.

Loved how it turned out but only lasted for three days..

exhausted & fat

Today is one of those days...

Never liked receiving emails like that, realizing how overwhelmed by work I am. Trying all bits and pieces to stay positive, with the amount of work and responsibilities I have to fulfil. For this one time, I wish I could break away from this place, sit in a coffee house of strangers, people watch, think nothing, stare blank. Yes, one of those days. I still don't know why I get so affected by these things when it may mean nothing. Am I putting in the wrong kind of emotions; too sincere or it's just me who cannot manage my work? I hate to feel lousy and I hate to feel that I am not doing good enough. When I try so hard, I really give me best, every time. Why do I always bother to smile, and look as if I can and am doing it right. It is exhausting, I am exhausted. I feel lousy, today.

Miss the best friend, miss having someone I can rant to, listen to me. 

Miss having someone who makes me laugh and forget about everything.

I wish you are close to me, I wish I have you here.

I am getting lost.

Someone told me yesterday that for my R&R, I am just checking out of a hotel and checking into another. Oh, true story.

And, end of another legend...

4 months ago,

I remember the first day I arrived in Tanzania, you called me in the hotel room and introduced yourself.

I remember the first day I arrived at the lodge, you initiated the handshake and introduced yourself.

I remember how that put the smile on my face and I said, "Kihineh tha?"

I remember how it went through my mind, "So this is the Ismail."

I remember how you replied in the most familiar way, "Baraabaru!"

I remember how you became my first friend in the bush.

I remember how we had the first talk of my troubles.

I remember how we had our first PS3 game.

I remember how we watched documentaries together.

I remember how we had no one else to hang out with at the beginning.

I remember how you felt like a brother to me.

I will only remember, the awesome.

Today, I am saying a goodbye, to you heading back to the sunny side of life.

Don't know about "See you again",

But surely, a sincere "Take care" from me.

Your lah leh lor,
Singapore friend.

To all those I love.
To you whom I love most.