I was suffering from a very sore vocal cords after teaching for 2 hours. The hit was quick - in an instant, I had to whisper to a class full of monkeys and that did not work well. I decided to take the next day off to rest my throat.
I was utterly disappointed at myself. My voice is (kind of) the bread and butter of my profession. Losing it means losing everything. I can't get to work, I can't attend worship practice, I can't sing for my Sunday vocal class.. I was entirely handicapped. This disappointment translated into many pieces of tissues that night. My mind was struggling to understand why something like this should happen to me. I even entertained the thought of quitting and went to jobscentral.com to do a quick search.
For the next 2-3 days, I was only awake for 6 hours out of 24. I slept so much that I incurred a headache, pfft. As it was nearing the weekends, my social media flooded with the many activities my friends were enjoying. This made me spiral deeper into my disappointment as I recalled that I had not socialize much for the last 3 weekends. Where were all my friends? It was then clear that I do not have friends. I'm fine. Because retrospectively, I haven't been a good friend to people. I have been selfish, self-righteous, prideful.. etc. My currency of friendship is convenience.
Right now I'm just going through this process of self-blame and reflection. Idk why but my life has become more miserable since I've started working. It shouldn't be like this!! I've waited 16 years for this moment and you're telling me that earning money doesn't feel good??? I feel satisfied about the work I've done, but I'm miserable because people in the office seems to care more about the people outside than inside. Which means, I dont even know who they really are. Everything's just so perfect. Or superficial...
