Someone finally asked me the question: So is it over for you?
YES IT IS FINALLY OVER FOR ME.
I'm over whatever I have experienced for 1.5 years. 18 months! Goodness gracious me. I took way more time than I had wished for.
It really feels extremely liberating for the baggage to be released. I noticed that I smile more often, dance around more often, and very content with whatever I have now. Of course, I would argue that the whole experience has changed me on a whole new different level, but the happy-go-lucky pris is back. And I'm absolutely excited as to how things will proceed from here.
God is good. He has brought me out of the monstrous, depressing, and seemingly unending misery of the wilderness. I am so much more ready to taste the milk and honey prepared for me!
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Not-so-sweet 2016
I'm so glad 2016 is over.
To be honest, it was one of my hardest to date. People comment how fast the year has passed, but I didn't feel so.
The first few months of 2016 has been extremely bitter. Since I just came back from exchange, I had to re-adjust my lifestyle dramatically. Furthermore, it wasn't easy recovering from a relationship and develop new habits again, this time alone. It didn't help when I felt extremely bitter towards my church. I couldn't get into worship every week, and I hated that the fact that being in a Chinese church did not help with my spiritual growth. I was angry that my church did not provide me with what I needed when tough times came - which is the serious study of the word of God. Instead, I got this growth through external sources. I so so so wanted to leave and move somewhere else.
Next few months wasn't as easy as well. Just when I thought I was over everything, jadedness kicked in June/July. Nothing interests me. I pull on a glum face every day during my internship. I hated living life. Bitter. Oh, and I remember how lonely I felt during my second semester in 2016, even though I had some company around. Life was never the same as before.
Against this backdrop of jadedness, bitterness, mindless attitude, I still want to thank God for the things he has accomplished this year. I can safely say I am in a much better state now. God has brought me out from the jadedness and gave me a new heart, new spirit, and a new love for his word and his kingdom. I am very excited with what he can do in 2017.
Just want to share what made the change - In March as we had our youth camp, I realised how tightly knitted my community is. Rather impressive for a youth group from a pure Chinese church. God was showing me how much he loves his people, this community, and that I should too. Subsequently, I told God that I will stay, but he must help me love my ministry more. Give me some divine dissatisfaction so that I can make the changes I want to see. Give me courage to make the ministry a better one for my beloved friends. And he did! Slowly but surely, he did.
God is good. He is faithful. He answered the prayers I made at the start of 2016. It didn't seem like he would do it at that point in time, but he did ultimately. Thanks for healing me Lord, I want to praise you for all that you have done in 2016, for bringing me down but bringing me back up, way higher than I was before. I know you're true, I know you're good. Bring me to greater heights for your kingdom in 2017! I believe I can do so much more with you and for you.
TLDR: God is good and faithful. He delivers his promises. "Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these will be added to you."
To be honest, it was one of my hardest to date. People comment how fast the year has passed, but I didn't feel so.
The first few months of 2016 has been extremely bitter. Since I just came back from exchange, I had to re-adjust my lifestyle dramatically. Furthermore, it wasn't easy recovering from a relationship and develop new habits again, this time alone. It didn't help when I felt extremely bitter towards my church. I couldn't get into worship every week, and I hated that the fact that being in a Chinese church did not help with my spiritual growth. I was angry that my church did not provide me with what I needed when tough times came - which is the serious study of the word of God. Instead, I got this growth through external sources. I so so so wanted to leave and move somewhere else.
Next few months wasn't as easy as well. Just when I thought I was over everything, jadedness kicked in June/July. Nothing interests me. I pull on a glum face every day during my internship. I hated living life. Bitter. Oh, and I remember how lonely I felt during my second semester in 2016, even though I had some company around. Life was never the same as before.
Against this backdrop of jadedness, bitterness, mindless attitude, I still want to thank God for the things he has accomplished this year. I can safely say I am in a much better state now. God has brought me out from the jadedness and gave me a new heart, new spirit, and a new love for his word and his kingdom. I am very excited with what he can do in 2017.
Just want to share what made the change - In March as we had our youth camp, I realised how tightly knitted my community is. Rather impressive for a youth group from a pure Chinese church. God was showing me how much he loves his people, this community, and that I should too. Subsequently, I told God that I will stay, but he must help me love my ministry more. Give me some divine dissatisfaction so that I can make the changes I want to see. Give me courage to make the ministry a better one for my beloved friends. And he did! Slowly but surely, he did.
God is good. He is faithful. He answered the prayers I made at the start of 2016. It didn't seem like he would do it at that point in time, but he did ultimately. Thanks for healing me Lord, I want to praise you for all that you have done in 2016, for bringing me down but bringing me back up, way higher than I was before. I know you're true, I know you're good. Bring me to greater heights for your kingdom in 2017! I believe I can do so much more with you and for you.
TLDR: God is good and faithful. He delivers his promises. "Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these will be added to you."
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