Independent girl

The past week marks my first travel alone. 

To be honest, I was very anxious the week prior to the trip. It was a mixed bag of emotions. I was scared, anxious, skeptical, yet excited of what is to come. I spent nights laying on my bed navigating New York in my mind, preempting the scenarios and even possible accidents. I constantly worry about my ability to drag a luggage and two bag packs.

I left Gage on a windy Sunday evening, bid goodbye to my only roommate who was home, and took a public bus down to the airport. My heart was pounding; I never felt like this even sitting for a paper. 

The hardest part of the trip was carrying my luggage. It was tough. Before checking in to my airbnb in NYC, I walked around several streets to find myself a decent cafe to sit. It was horrible. The neighbourhood was rather ‘rabak’ and it isn’t somewhere you would consider safe, visually. Moving from New York to DC was less challenging, though equally heart-pounding. I kept praying for safety, that my Uber would transport me properly and my bus wouldn’t crash. 

Luggage aside, I fully understood the perks of travelling alone. I could really do what I wished. I could also go wherever I liked, for periods of time that were comfortable to me. I remember sitting in a Catholic church to rest for almost 45 minutes, something that would be considered a ‘waste of time’ if I was with my friends. I could stay in museums for as long as I wished. Travelling alone wasn’t lonely. It became satisfying. Because you get to look back and say, ‘hey, I did this alone and I survived’. It also gives you the right to define yourself without looking to your friends. It gives you some sort of ‘free will’. 

After this whole trip, I guess I could officially be labeled as an independent girl. Or am I? My past week (or my entire exchange) has taught me about myself more than I have imagined. I am in fact, a pretty weak and emotional being. While paying for my Broadway tickets, one of my 100 dollar bill flew with the wind and slotted itself down the drain. I was.. speechless. I just went ‘omg, omg, omg’ with my eyes wide open while I continued to pay for my ticket. I couldn’t believe it. The wind. I spoke to a guard afterward, hoping he would provide a way to retrieve my bill. He said what’s gone is gone. I started to tear, sob, and cried. I couldn’t control it. I was this girl, standing in the middle of the crowd in Times Square, speaking to a guard and crying. My heart was entirely broken even as I thanked him and walked away. At that moment I wanted WiFi badly (lol..) so I could tell someone, anyone. I walked 4 blocks crying and wishing I could turn back time. It was then when I realised I wasn’t as strong as I thought, or as I wanted to. I broke down. At something perhaps not that worthy. It wasn’t like a life-threatening moment. Besides, I had my credit card so it wasn’t that bad. Yet the feeling of sadness engulfed me. 

Another face palm moment includes being cheated of 20 bucks. I was trying to take the Metro in DC when a man approached me trying to help. I followed his instructions, inserted a $20 bill in the machine. In the meantime, he distracted me with his fake instructions (touch the screen and wait), while he happily took the ejected $20 bill. The machine didn’t accept 20s! It took me a minute to realise I was cheated. Damn it. Felt so dumb (and heartbroken!) at that moment.

Well to be fair, an independent girl doesn’t mean she has to be happy all the time. It doesn’t mean she has to void her feelings of unpleasantness. Maybe independence doesn’t mean strong. 

To an end

For memory's sake, I have decided to review my goals set in July for my exchange. I am proud to announce that I have accomplished at least 70% of them! Which is a feat!

To refresh our memory, these goals are:

1. Attend church and fellowship. 
2. Listen to online sermons when necessary. 
3. pray for the people I encounter, or even strangers I have bumped into. 
4. Read up on Canada's history! 
5. Hike! 
6. Have alone time.
7. Keep in touch with my family frequently. 
8. Reaaaaaaaad. 

I am so proud of myself. I fulfilled these goals even without thinking! And of course, I've acquired many more skills and habits that I would carry on for life.

1. Attend church and fellowship. 
I did attend church!! I still remember being really excited and happy stepping into Tenth Church the first Sunday (my second day) in Vancouver. For the first time, I felt that going to church is of my own choice, and a commitment I made to God. Not saying that I felt differently in Singapore, just that it has always been convenient to attend. Tenth had a full worship team, including contemporary drums and e guitars. Though their worship style is largely emerging-contemporary, the congregation is still traditional. No clapping, no raising of hands. I had to get use to that for a little while. Other than that, I absolutely loved their sermon series. I also love the fact that it was in English, haha.


2. Listen to online sermons when necessary. 
Hmmm I confess, I didn't do this. Initially I thought I could keep up with 'Ask Pastor John' but I didn't. On the weeks when I was away from Vancouver, I just didn't attend any service. Granted, I did QT everyday but I know that's not an excuse.

3. Pray for the people I encounter, or even strangers I have bumped into. 
Oops another one, nope! Well I did for a few people but it can be counted with a single hand. Oddly enough, Vancouver's poverty is more visible, even in the streets of downtown. There were so many people in need of help. Granted, some were just asking for weed. But a trip down Vancouver's Chinatown reveals that poverty exists in the city. Poverty is an ineradicable phenomenon. It's just that Singapore conceals it well.

4. Read up on Canada's history! 
I did not specifically Wiki'ed Canada's history, but I learnt some of it from classes and museums. First Nations, Chinese and British immigrants. Prostitution laws.

5. Hike! 
YES. Mayne Island, Garibaldi, Grouse Grind. And many other short 'walks'. Amazing I must say.

6. Have alone time.
Oh, a lot man. I still remember asking Shermaine and Sandra to go home first while I continue to explore Granville Island. Visited Stanley Park and the museum in these few days before I leave. More alone time to come in NY + DC.

7. Keep in touch with my family frequently. 
What counts as frequent? To date I've only skyped both my parents twice. Skyped my mum about 5 times. My brother doesn't care.

8. Reaaaaaaaad. 
The story goes: Brought Burmese Days to read, only finish 3 chapters. Bought a second hand "The Buried Giant" hardcover and made it halfway. Bought 2 Christian literature and managed to finish. Bought a Kindle during Black Friday and I am reading it well.


9. COOK
One of the greatest accomplishment this exchange. I could not cook before this. My dad would usually settle our meals and that leaves me no room to even try. Even if I had the chance, I would settle for instant noodles, dumplings and eggs. I had no choice but to cook here. Eating out costs about 7-10 bucks, and I simply don't have that kind of money. So I cook. I start small. Rice, veg, meat, potatoes. The first meal I cooked was chicken breast seasoned with just pepper and salt. I remember it being so delicious (or just cos I cooked it) but now as I recall, it must have sucked. I slowly turned ambitious and cooked spaghetti, salmon, and I'm gonna make scallops later. My best dish would be stir fried potatoes with variation - meat, cheese, tomatoes, you name it.

10. GYM
I'm the exchange miracle. I lost weight. I've never been so light/skinny for soooo many years. I exercise close to 2 times a week. 3 miles on the threadmill, some core exercises and weights. For this I am really proud of my discipline. 

11. NAVIGATION
I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map! I couldn't have done it without Google Maps. But really, sometimes technology is just unreliable and you gotta use your senses and intuition to get somewhere. Throughout the trip I did most of the navigation for my group and I didn't know I had it in me. I thought my sense of direction was okay, but actually it's pretty good for a girl. haha. Well I'm not perfect so there were times we got really lost, such as Muir Woods and Twin Peaks in San Francisco. Those were the two times that were laughable yet memorable.

12. CHINESE
I spoke way more Chinese than I do in Singapore. When you're surrounded with angmohs or CBCs (Canadian-Born-Chinese) it's pretty easy to speak a language they don't understand. As a result it became a habit even without strangers around. I guess I'll be conversing in Chinese with these friends once I'm back in school out of habit.


Some people have started asking me if I have accomplished whatever I set out to do during my exchange. And I would dare say I did. I'm proud of my journey, even with the ups and downs. I have so much to say but too little words I can use.

As I'm about to leave tmr, I thank God for all his grace, mercy, and his wonder shown to me for the past 4 months. I pray I'll stay safe, joyful, and independent as I embark on my next journey alone. I am excited yet very anxious/scared at the same time. 10 days till I'm home.

Adam Lambert

I am here to weigh in on the recent news about removing Adam Lambert off the countdown concert Singapore.

First of all, I would just like to lay some ground work before I am misunderstood. I am a Christian, I signed the petition, but I am not a homophobe. I would also label myself as more conservative than liberal as compared to my peers. But I identify myself as more liberal if I compare to traditional Christians. I am in favour of bringing Singapore's arts scene to a higher level, because I am some sort of musician myself. I used to listen to Adam Lambert, but not because he came out of the closet; just simply a change in taste and preferences. I admire Adam Lambert for his ability to belt, to sing notes even higher than me. I remember this song when he hit an A5, which was something that make me felt ashamed cos I couldn't do it. That was awesome to me. Adam Lambert was also mentioned as a good singer in some of my singing classes - a guy who had the right techniques and power. To sum up, I think Adam Lambert's a great singer.

I received the news to sign the petition. That was shocking, because I didn't know he had some controversial performance over in the States. Googled a little, saw some obscene pictures like holding a girl to his crotch, or even kissing a guy. Sure, this can be categorized as 'just art' or 'just entertainment', but I was concerned that this kind of content may be aired on national TV.

I read what the petition said. It said they were extremely concerned that these obscene acts will be shown to family-friendly audiences. Furthermore, it was the end of our Jubilee year and Lambert with his controversies shouldn't be brought in, especially since his Western liberal ideals may clash with the Singaporean majority. Also there were talks about having local artists replace Lambert, since it was a year of OUR celebration. I signed the petition because I thought it was inappropriate to air these uncensored obscenities to families and children. And particularly I don't really believe in the power of petitions because it misrepresents the entire population (I could go on about that but let's just say petition don't always lead to real change).

Of course with everything there will be a reverse discourse. Those who were angered rebutted with another petition - to demand Adam Lambert to perform. Most of the reasons cited was that music and arts should not be banned, and by doing so, will lead to us being a backward nation. Also, I assume most people who are standing on this side champions LGBT rights, since Adam Lambert is outrightly gay. They would also have assumed that the individuals who started the petition in the first place are Christian homophobes.

The issue gets complicated here - first, his controversies of obscene acts on stage. Second, he's gay. One compounds the other. If one did not exist, then there might not be such a huge fuss about that. I can bet that many artistes and singers are gay, but they are allowed to perform on stage as long as they do it appropriately. The big fuss is the worry that he will perform obscene acts on stage, and while we can educate our children that he's doing it just "For (our) Entertainment" (pun intended!), we will never know if children have the ability to separate what's on screen and what's reality. I agree with that. No obscene acts. But things gets complicated when the LGBT issue layers in. People who supports Adam Lambert in his visit here would assume that the other half of Singapore is banning Lambert just because he's gay. The issue cannot be narrowly defined like that (I'm speaking to both sides here).

And this whole fuss was because the countdown was going to be aired on national TV (I assume?). If it was just a concert, I guess his fans would probably be ok with that. And discretion would be highly given by his audiences.

Honestly, I'm ok with him performing if he promises not to do anything obscene at all, but there's no way of knowing whether he'll keep to that. But then again, what is 'obscene'? Everyone can define and misdefine obscenity.

Before I move on, I would like to say that I should have done more research before making a stand and signing the petition. I jumped too quick into conclusions, which is something I should not have done. I tried to see how obscene his acts and a quick search "Adam Lambert controversies" on YouTube revealed that. However, these were dated in 2009. So I thought, "hmm, there must be more recent ones" and nope, I couldn't find any, at least not on YouTube. I took my search to Google and found the same thing. No recent controversial or obscene performances. I then watched this performance on June 2015, by Good Morning America, the same news platform that cancelled his performance in 2009. Honestly, his performance was great. I would have totally enjoyed it. He did nothing obscene of that sort, and heck, I didn't even know he changed his style. I am totally cool if this is the style of performance he will replicate in Singapore.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMqbMBLLX2c)

What's my conclusion? I'm just saddened by how this can divide people. It's gonna make it worse for us Christians because now they would think we are some self-righteous people who claim to love but yet hate to be inclusive. And honestly, they think we are ridiculous. But it doesn't have to be that way. No, I am not saying we should embrace their ideals, and no, I know we are meant to be the light in this world. And being a light doesn't mean an 'easy' life, being a disciple of Jesus may face prosecution, rejection, hatred. If I have to ridiculed and rejected to stand up for my beliefs, I will. But it's just so sad that now both sides are trying to shut both sides out.. You know what I mean? It's like who has the biggest voice will win the game. It's really not about winning the petition or getting Lambert to stay away. But for now - it's the point of no return. Whoever 'gets' what they 'want' would legitimize their own beliefs. And then resistance will happen again and the story goes on.

At the end of the day, I think creating a petition was unnecessary. Firstly its effectiveness is rather limited (I did research and papers on this). It gives people the false idea that they're making some real change but in fact, it's just a click on their trackpad. It would discourage people in the future to stand up (physically) for some real change. It encourages hiding behind the keyboard (ok fine, I am slapping myself in the face here then). I didn't write this to convince anyone whoever's right or wrong. I am writing this for myself. Or I am writing this for my friends to understand the situation. Or I am just writing this because there are some thoughts that are currently exploding in my head.

Lastly, if we were to ban Adam Lambert, then we would have to be consistent. Any other female singers who would want to perform in Singapore would have to go through this 'purity' check. She must not have faced any controversies in the past (so Miley and Nicki, you're out). My point is, there must be some sort of consistency to determine whether one can perform in Singapore or not. There cannot be any gender-bias in this case. As we all know, it's quite impossible isn't it? So I would suggest regulation. We welcome these singers here, but they have to understand our mainstream culture and belief system, and there should be a statement of what's appropriate or inappropriate. I know regulation kills the arts, but if we want Singapore to remain as a nation, I don't think these steps are ridiculous.



(unedited)

Home is where the heart is

I know when are the times I'll miss home the most: when I'm sick.

One of the toughest job of being a woman is childbirth. To even have that child in the first place, we have to go through monthly tortures. And that month is today for me.

I skipped lesson and a group meeting because of that, and just because I'm on exchange doesn't give me good reason to do so.. and what's worse is not just the nagging aching feeling on my tummy; it's the bloody cold weather.

The weather is fine here, but it is not fine at all with wind. I just wanna coop in my bed the whole day if it's rainy outside.

My muscles groan as well. Did 8 sets of 12 squats, and some core workout with Nick yesterday. No joke man. My back, thighs, tummy are BURNING. What's more, I'm suffering a few blue blacks on my knees here and there after badminton with Sandra on Saturday. Oh gosh my physical life is miserable.

And that's when I miss home. So much. I wish I could just lie in bed and have someone already prepared my meals (read: dad). Someone to bring me soup (read: mum). Someone to not bother me at all (read: bro).

I actually can't wait for the term to be over. It's my week 11 now and it isn't enjoyable at all! So many projects and assignments to do when all I want is my bed and TV.

But then I remind myself that life overseas is just the same as home. Just because I'm away from home doesn't mean I won't encounter problems, or stress. Doesn't mean life responsibilities go away.

But it means that I'm lucky to have a home back in Singapore to tackle the waves of life. With my family.

Weird and random

Sleeping in cold weather is just SHIOK.

I have been stressed out over the last few days trying to figure out how to place leisure and work on my schedule. I have papers to write, presentations to prepare, midterms to study for. Who says exchange can chill one.

Technically speaking, yes. I can choose to give only enough effort to pass. I just have this itching feeling that I shouldn't. So I'm doing all my necessary research and even offering to do some really difficult tasks for projects. Heck, I even made the powerpoint slides! Well, I just treat it as a warmup for the following semester to come.

It's november but when I saw the calendar again then I realise it's really NOVEMBER. Time is ticking so so fast. Last I checked it was only August. Hiking the Yosemite and riding the Jurassic.

But yes I am coming home soon. To be honest, I don't miss Asian food that much. Maye because I have been cooking rice, noodles, soup, and added the Chinese sambal chilli I bought. Makes everything so Asian. I did make a list of my cravings, but they are hardly local food I think I would miss.

16 Oct, Merely's ice cream! (whut, I don't even eat that often.)
22 Oct, Teh O Bing (ok I could totally understand this. I miss the $1 sweet coffeeshop teh-o)
1 Nov, Shopping at Bugis Street (I don't understand this)
1 Nov, Waterloo Tzechar! (Our first US trip meeting)
12 Nov, (this is what I wrote in my diary) - Listening to Sara Bareilles and suddenly reminded of the walkway to Esplanade.
12 Nov, 豆奶 or 豆花水 <3

Not that much as you would expect right? I expected to write Bar Chor Mee every single day but honestly, I'm not craving for it. But I would definitely expect myself to have a bowl once I touch down.

So yes. My exchange life in bits and pieces, presented here. Very random facts about myself and my whole experience, just to document my fleeting thoughts!

What is?

Life.

I received a sad news a few days back.

I didn't know J personally, but he was in one of my class, and I 'know' him through mutual friends.

He was always the talk among us, like "J - posted in Soci101" or like, "Oh, J class part again". He was known to be that really smart guy who class-part alot, but not because he wanted to gain points. He was really smart.

I still remember he was playing the President against HY during IPPS class. Oh I really remember it.

J also came to my SPA class to present his RMSS project, about queer population in Singapore. Impressive.

He had a bright future. But all this is naught now. I first heard the news through my roommate, and I was so shocked that I hope it was just a sick joke played.

But it wasn't.

Once I read the email sent by the school, I immediately felt this pang in my stomach and I started to tear. This is NOT happening. I cannot imagine the pain his family and close friends have to go through. Yet here I am, a stranger to him, silently tearing about his absence.

Life is so fragile. Before I went to bed, I thanked God for my existence, and I pray I would wake up the next morning. Yes I did.

J, I am not sure of the legacy you passed to your friends, but I know you taught me to treasure and be thankful for each living day. I think that's the best you can pass on to another human being.

Rest In Peace.

The horrible best-est day

This is not an intellectual post. This is a rant. You have been warned.

Today, my best friend called me out to visit the Tortoise Museum at the Chinese Garden. Since it is my last few days in sg, I thought the distance didn't matter, especially with my under-utilised train concession.

Sze Min needed to get something, so she told me to meet her at Jurong East. I wasn't feeling quite well today as I had my 'big aunt' + her cousins (cousin cramps). It was slightly more painful than usual but I thought a hot drink at JE will do the job. It worsened on the train. When I reached JE's platform, I started to lose vision with intensified cramps.

Sze Min was nice and she came to my rescue, but the road to the nearest mall was a super tough one. I felt like it was seriously JOURNEY TO THE WEST. Every time I tried to stand and walk, my vision would blur and my head would spin, slowing losing consciousness of my place and space. I actually stopped and sat down twice. The first was at the staircase up the platform, the second was just right outside the gantry. It was sooooo horrible. I really forced myself to remain conscious. Looking back, I was quite upset because no one, not even the SMRT staff, came to find out what happened because obviously 1. I look very sick and 2. I was just sitting 5 meters away from the gantry. Perhaps Sze Min was there that's why no one bothered. BYSTANDER EFFECT LA.

I waited till my vision was clearly restored before making a dash to Westgate's toilet. I was still very weak but thank God I made it into the cubicle in a piece, seriously. So... I spent the next 20mins in the toilet while Sze Min waited for me outside. After buckets of perspiration and what feels like eternity, I decided to leave the toilet and we found somewhere to sit and have charcoal pills and hot milo.

I think I ate something wrong for lunch. I think I drank the bottled juiced I placed in the fridge from yesterday. So who can I blame except myself. It's food poisoning + HEAVY loss of blood caused the occurrence of those faint spells. It's really horrible. While I was walking to Westgate seriously relied on God or else I'll just crumble and die. It's like this conviction that God will help me pull through this, not so much that God will make my faint spells go away. I was also sharing with Sze Min how the message "No pain and tears in eternity" felt SO REAL at that instant. Thank God all is well after the charcoal pills, though we didn't get to visit my cousin tortoise (Sze Min says tortoise live very long one, so can go again (: ).

Amidst the shitty situation, I really really truly seriously thank God for Sze Min who was by my side the whole time and and there were no signs of annoyance of frustration. But the best part is.... My best friend got me my birthday present!! LIKE WHAT it's still early but she thought about how I'm gonna spend my birthday overseas, so she got me in advance.

And being the typical, creative Sze Min, she got me super special gifts.

This is a Lip Balm. The flavor is 'Coffeeshop Kopi O'. Kopi is probably something I'll miss when I'm away. Kewl.

Ang Ku Kueh earrings!! Pretty cute I must say, best worn with a red dress. I totally laughed and gasped when I saw this.

And this is really my very special friend in action. Singapore gifts. Just because she knows that I love Singapore.

I can never thank Sze Min enough. She makes my life so interesting, hahaha.

That said, I'll be leaving Singapore in another 4 days. Packing has been quite slow as I just started to pull out my clothes today. I'll be busy meeting people over the next few days, so I hope I won't be lazy and get to pack everything soon. What's troubling me further is the citibank card I applied last week, but it won't take so soon to arrive. It's just a real hassle.

That concludes my horrible best-est day! I'm sorry if you're a grammar nazi and you had to read through my horrendous sentence structures. But I'm too lazy to edit; leave it natural mah. Off to sleep!

Going up north!

I will be going on exchange to Vancouver, Canada this coming August.

People are really excited for me, including myself, although I didn't expect the planning process to be such a tough one.

Recently, many of my school friends just got their exchange destinations, and most of them posted on their instagram walls excitedly. For me, the excitement didn't come through that quickly. In fact, UBC is my 7th out of 8 choice, since I'm not smart enough for USA. I had to deal with many issues in my life and it wasn't particularly easy to accept that I'll be going to a far away place for 5 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling bitter at all, but my point is that people sometimes don't see the experience as a whole. No doubt going on exchange could be the most fulfilling and life-changing experience as a student, but it should be more than just travelling and having fun at every single moment.

I was talking to a friend earlier who has decided to forgo her exchange because she thought it wasn't the right season in her life. To me, that was really admirable because I thought going on exchange is THE experience for any uni student. I was feeling quite guilty at that moment because I know my exchange is gonna cost ALOT of money, and I'm gonna miss out moments with my cell girls. I was even worried that my walk with God would be compromised. Well, she asked me to write down goals before leaving, and prayed that I would experience God in a different way. And that's when I truly see the exchange experience in a different light. Especially when I'm not taking this trip as a long-awaited Sabbatical from my responsibilities in Singapore.

I guess the exhilaration largely feeds on the Instagram posts we see of our friends. But as you all know and refuse to admit, instagram glamorises experiences and is an inaccurate representation of how 'good' life actually is for that person. So, I guess most people are mostly looking forward to encountering picturesque moments to share with their friends.

I do not deny that part of me wants to experience that as well. But I know that'll be stupid because it isn't entirely real. Going on exchange is fun, but it shouldn't (and won't) be fun every single moment. So, instead of looking for that perfect shot and filter, I should happily accept that there will be ups and downs in the course of the next 4.5 months. What is most important is my response and personal growth. And of course, truly learn about the culture in another country (just like how I did in SSM Guangzhou!)

My goals (not in any order):

1. Attend church and fellowship. I am especially worried about this. In my 12 days in Guangzhou, I only did QT twice! And I chose to go on a roller coaster than attend a Sunday service. And this is just 12 days! I'll be travelling for 3 weeks in the US, and the itinerary is so packed that I would not have time to attend a service. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Listen to online sermons when necessary. Besides that, I think the way to stay close to God is to be reminded of God all the time. And this can be down through constant prayer, in my case. I also hope to 3. pray for the people I encounter, or even strangers I have bumped into. Since God gave me the opportunity to travel to the other side of the world, I can do my part by praying for that particular place as well.

4. Read up on Canada's history! Or maybe just things about Canada. I especially enjoyed my time in Guangzhou because I was looking at the place not as a tourist, but as a student who knows the reason and history behind all the developments. I want to do that for Canada.

5. Hike! One of the most exciting things. Canada is blessed with mountains, ridges, rivers, seas, skies. Not to hike would be a HUGE pity. I would probably want to join a hiking club in school so I can meet local friends as well. I was thinking of skipping Seattle and spend the time and money to visit more places in Canada.

6. Have alone time. I think this is a given, but I really want to set aside time to explore the city, walk around, get lost (safely of course). Sometimes when we're with a bunch your senses just fail to detect beautiful things around.

7. Keep in touch with my family frequently. Well, this shouldn't even be inside here cos it's a MUST. But just a reminder yeah.

8. Reaaaaaaaad. I hope books are cheaper there.

That's 8 at the moment! I guess my main point is to not go by the "wanderlust" kind of moment but truly learn about myself, God and how I can be his salt and light even somewhere else. I truly believe it will be an exciting 4.5 months, be it travelling or just chilling in my room.

Adios!

The 'SG50' logo again but this time it's legit and serious.

This week, I attended a conference organized by the Institute of Policy Study (IPS), LKY School of PP, and NUS, discussing various issues pertaining to Singapore's future in the next 50 years.

Entitled SG50+: What lies ahead, this conference aims to predict/forecast problems Singapore might face in all areas. This includes international relations, talent management, governance and even climate change.

I got to know of this opportunity through an email sent by SOCSC's office. I mean like, how many of you actually read through these emails and sign up for conferences, right? I thought this was quite interesting and since it was free, might as well just try. Students were selected based on a random basis. I was pretty shocked when I received the acceptance email and went "OMG, I have never been so lucky in my life!!", but paused for a while and thought maybe I was the only one who signed up.

Prior to the conference, I was dreading because I had to take leave from my work and I considered it to be a hassle travelling all the way to Shangri-La hotel. But I really did gain very meaningful insights through the speakers and the people I have networked around my table, and I have never felt so small (in a good way though).

The invited guest-of-honour, our very own Prime Minister, Mr Lee Hsien Loong. And wowwww, I can tell you, I was starstruck. So when I heard that the PM insisted to speak despite feeling unwell, my inner fan girl moment came along.

He was tossed with various questions and views about Singapore's economic miracle, and yes, it is indeed presumptuous to oversimplify the remarkable growth Singapore has enjoyed since independence. But it is definitely essential, in PM's words, "to count our blessings everyday, if not at every election". This is very true, and of course it drew laughter and applause among the audience. Fangirl moment no. 2 struck again. (How does he manage to deliver such humour even when feeling unwell??)

Besides hearing PM speak, I was fed with many intellectual debates by notable speakers, including our very own DPM and ESM, several ambassadors from MFA, foreign speakers, and even the ex-PM of UK, Sir John Major. Honestly, I felt so out of place there because I have very minimal knowledge about the history of politics and the role of all these big shots seating amidst us. I found that I was ignorant of the many different affairs that are happening around the world that can make or break Singapore even as a liveable place. I'm not just talking about the correlation of international relations and its economy; I am putting a statement forward by saying these relations are so important that they CAN, and will affect Singapore's existence.

I truly had a rewarding experience at the conference, especially this is my first. The letdown is the lack of discussion about internal affairs. Yes, foreign policy and management is very important especially in this day and age (South China Sea, USA-China, ISIS, Greece) but I expected a little more discussion about social management and community building. I was hoping for someone to speak about foreign talent, social tension, poverty, aging population; more micro issues. Now I can truly see the sociologist in my blood.

Anyway, I think the whole conference was worth my time and effort and I would definitely want to attend more of these dialogues. Apparently and shockingly, we heard from Prof Eugene Tan (who was sitting beside us) that corporates pay $1,500 for a ticket in here. And I got it for free, sponsored by the SG50 celebrations committee (I'm not sure, don't quote me on this). Nevertheless, I'm glad to have spent my Friday at such a prestigious event, and happy to be writing on this blog again.


P.S. I will defo write crazier, less serious, and lame stuff on my next post!

My thoughts on Yee

A video of a 17 year-old went viral last week. The boy behind the video, Amos Yee, made very insensitive comments about the death of Singapore's founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, including insulting him as a 'horrible person', and that people should rejoice over his death. Furthermore, he compared LKY with Jesus, stating that both are 'full of bull'. I don't want to elaborate on what he had said, you can read it down below in this link:

(https://jesscscott.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/amos-yees-speech/)

I was initially outraged at his insensitive comments especially during the time of national mourning. Personally, I feel that respect and a freedom of speech are 2 very different things. Let's take a look at an analogy. Parents may give their children the freedom to do 'whatever they want', but there should be basic respect for the parents (because they're given the authority). I know this argument may be quite flimsy, because it's never easy to draw the line between both. I was less upset about the criticism of LKY, but more because he did it at such an untimely manner. Plus, freedom of speech does not equate to its abuse.

Throughout the past few days, many have been blogging, sharing, talking about it on social media. I did not manage to read all of the comments, but I know many are outraged. In fact, police reports were even made by his own mother! I told myself not to participate in any forms of debate, as I didn't want to breed any negativity and disharmony. Surprisingly (or not), there were a few who stood up for him and said he made valid points, while some requesting for him to be given counselling instead of putting him in jail. It's pretty interesting to see SMRT Feedback's comments about Amos as having 'high intellect that is a little too mature (sociopolitical sense) for his age'. You know what, I do agree.

The turning point for me came when I read about his life in Zhonghua Secondary. Pretty good Chinese school, though not at the top. My initial thought was that he must be an eloquent speaker yet a spoilt brat who lacks EQ. What struck me most, out of his many points, was about the rigidity of mainstream education. He said that he refused to copy whatever his teachers had written on the board, because he believed it wasn't the right way of learning. "Copying is memorising", the teacher said. WHAT? Has our education system degenerated in such a way where we focus on what to learn instead of how to learn? That's why Amos didn't fit it. That's why he didn't have any friends. He was too different. His ideas were too radical for the masses to accept. He was suppressed for 4 years (if not more) of his life.

You know as a sociology student, I don't just see things on the surface. I look a lot on how the norms, culture and institutions shape him as a person. Imagine this. Place Amos in the US. Would he be different? I would say yes. Different in a good way, because he'll be able to explore and articulate ideas from young without being labelled as 'freak' or 'abnormal'. Or let's say, place him in one of the more established 'top school', that's more autonomous, Raffles Institution. I believe things would have been different. He is a boy, bursting with new ideas and perspective, ready to share with the world, but no one accepts or see it the same way. His present behaviour is a result of his suppression.

What I really think he needs is effective counselling. He may not be receptive at the start, especially if it's someone who is a Singaporean. He may believe that the counsellor's ideals are shaped by the 'totalitarian' and 'machiavellian' LKY. But it's the rejection stage we have to get through. Amos needs someone who is able to help him channel his creative thoughts into a good way, into changes that can progress the society. I recognise that he's actually a pretty smart and politically aware kid for someone his age. To his parents, Amos is not out of control, he just needs proper guidance. I hope the internet can see this issue in a different light, and stop bashing him and his parents. Help this poor boy who can still enjoy a bright future provided if he uses his strengths in the right way.


P.S. In no way am I agreeing to what Amos had said in his video. I respect LKY as a great leader and the founding father of our nation. Also, as a Christian, I first found his comments to be offensive, but later realised I wasn't that angry after all. Just as Christ who forgave us, we must learn to forgive as well.