Al-Fatehah Buat Arwah Pak Long Ku..

I was on a short vacation with my family when I received the sad news of Pak Long’s passing.. It was on our very last day in Melaka.. Just like the others who had passed on before him, it took me a while to get the news digested in my mind..

I stared at the mirror in the shower of my hotel room, telling myself,”Pak Long dah tak de.. Remember the promise you kept a few years ago..”

I broke down the moment I spoke to dad on the phone.. Tried my best not to shed my tears but I did while we’re all in the car on our way back to Singapore..

I made a promise to him on the day Arwah Wak Mi passed away a few years back.. Pak Long saw how devastated I was knowing that my favourite maternal uncle had passed on to another life.. He hugged me & said,”Dah dah jangan nanges2.. Janji dengan Pak Long.. Nanti kalau Pak Long dah tak de, Pak Long tak nak Lily nanges2 macam ni OK? Doakan Pak Long.. Janji dengan Pak Long..”

So on the day of Arwah Pak Long’s burial, I didn’t shed a single tear.. I tried so hard holding it back until a few days later, upon reading all the posts written by my brother & cousins, I couldn’t hold it any longer.. I cried..

Surely we belong to Allah & to Him shall we return.. Al-Fatehah buat Allahyarham Haji Khamis Bin Ahmad yang telah kembali ke Rahmatullah pada 6 hari bulan November 2017.. Semoga Allah jaohkan ia daripada seksa kubor & api neraka & masokkan ia ke dalam syurga dikalangan mereka yang beriman.. Ameen..

Jasa mu terhadap kami sekeluarga tetap akanku kenang selama nya.. He’ve seen me at my worst, was there for us when dad wasn’t around.. He knew what kind of girl I had become amidst all the family issues I was facing, how I turned out to be & yet he chose to stay silent.. Never did he looked down upon me..

Semoga Pak Long tenang di sana.. Ameen..

  

Alhamdulillah, Tak Rugi Orang Yang Sabar..

1st day of Eid spent entirely at home entertaining guests. Hub's 2nd brother & his huge family.. Our nieces & nephews are all grown up!! GOSH!! Rasa sunggoh tua diri ini.. Hahahahah!!

Felt so terkilan coz I didn't take a shot with my 1st sister-inlaw & her kids who came over as well coz we're all so engrossed in our convos & catching up with each other's lives..

On a brighter note, I'm glad that the ties I had with my 1st & 2nd sister-inlaw are better now.. Tak rugi org yg sabar.. Suatu hari, Allah akan tunjokkan jugak perkara yg sebenar & someone's true colour.. Alhamdulillah.. AND on another note, the hub kept teasing me, saying that one day, I'll be a grandma & that his nephew's child will have to call me Nenek Ly when the time comes.. "Nek Ly!! Ooooooo Nek Ly!!" HAHAHAHAHAH!! Kurang asam.. HAHAHAHAHAH!!

And on a sickening note, I don't get it why some even bother coming over to my crib (best part bole call mil aku in advance tanya tuan punya ruma da keluar ruma beraya ke blom) & even though I hate seeing the sight of their hypocrite shit-ass faces but yet I still put away that hatred in me & spoke to them as if nothing happened & yet they even dare showed up with a shit-ass attitude kinda face.. Patot aku yg mengamok coz of the shit-ass things they've said & done to & about us.. Kalau aku tk pandang muke laki aku, mertua aku yg dudok serumah dgn aku & kalau aku tk pegang kata2 Rasulullah saw bahawa tetamu itu pembawa rahmat, mmg siang2 aku da buat satu scene..

Prangai mintak kene kahak.. Kecik2 tk nk mampos, da tua ganyot buat darah org up..

Dan pade pendapat aku, kalau hati tk ikhlas tk payah nk tebalkan muke mintak maaf & mintak halalkan makan minom step berlakon tunjok prangai baik dtg ruma org.. Satu step depan prangai baik blakang mengate, lagi satu plak muke stuck-up habes.. Muke babi pon kalah.. A pair of hypocrites..

Be Wise..

Always listen to both sides of the story before you judge.. The 1st storyteller you'll find has modified the story for their own benefit & the version you heard probably was the least accurate. If you don't know the situation, then you don't have the right to draw an opinion & jump to conclusions.. Never judge without knowing the whole story. You may think you understand, but you don't.. Be wise.. If you have judged before hearing both, then SHAME ON YOU.. #stfu #justsaying

Thank You For The Visit, Adeline & Hubby..

They came over just a day before my surgery.. We had fun talking & laughing!! Glad they loved the food that I cooked for them.. Truly am bless to be given such a good friend who never fails to keep in touch even when our lives have changed..

True friends regardless of race, religion & nationality..

Missing Weifeng here.. My other 'cabo'.. xoxo

Home, Love, Faith, Family..

My first test for 2017.. My health.. If only they knew the magnitude of my love & devotion towards them, they'll always remember me for the rest of their lives even when I'm gone one day..

You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have for the sake of those you love.. My family..

My countdown starts now..

And I've Decided To Go For It..

Was doing a research about Arrhythmia on the Internet & chanced upon this article.. 1 of them is my Cardiologist..

It's important to seek treatment sooner than later as Arrhythmia is a progressive disease.. When left untreated, it will lead to something else; new pathways or entry points in other areas of the heart.. The greater the severity, the harder it is to cure as a patient grows older..

Been coping & enduring it since 15 years of age.. The last recurrence nearly cost me my life. All will be well, for the sake of my family & myself.. Ameen.. I may look happy, tough & all smiles since the day I was discharged from the A&E.. But deep within, only Allah knows how I feel & think for what is yet to come; The Pros & Cons of the procedure.. I'm sure with His help, I will pull thru just like I always did.. Ameen..

On a side note, one doesn't simply READ & LOOK at other's health condition & say,"Oh it's nothing serious.. Her illness is a mild one & will go over time, just need to bla bla bla bla bla bla etc.." I feel like asking these people,"Have you read & look at your own health first? Head to toe, you healthy? Able to walk properly? You PHYSICALLY FIT? (Suddenly the 'I-like-to-move-it-move-it' song came ringing in my head. LOL)"

One will not experience how others feel when they're not given a chance to fit into other's shoes.. I do appreciate the concern but, I must say that Allah created us with brains to think & for that said, there should be some kind of evidence to proof a certain fact or judgment about certain things instead of saying it bluntly.. Good nite..

Me Selfie..

Long time no selfie.. Kinda love how the colour of my hijab matches the colour of my lips..  =))

Throwback To This.. My Little Companion..

Gamba campak blakang.. Boss kecik happy giler dpt makan Push-Pop Rainbow Cake.. Harge satu Push-Pop tu buat aku terpelanting jaoh.. "sungguhmahal.com" la siak.. Tapi sebab anak nk makan punye pasal abeh tu buat muke "kesian cute", mak dia belikan jugak.. Bab tu muke jadi mcm kat atas tu bila da dpt.. Sekali sekala bole la Nak.. Kalau selalu terbako la kocek mak kau.. Makan yg sederhana je da ok k.. Asalkan CAKE.. 😊




Somehow, these photos made me realise how fast he's growing.. He & his siblings will always be my baby.. No matter how old they've grown..

One Day..

One day, they will look back at this photo I took weeks ago at the park, overlooking this lovely view..

They will remember all the laughter, the convos they had with their dad & how I love recording every memories of them with my camera phone everywhere we go.. "Baba, can we see your work place from here? Ummi, can you video record us walking in slow motion again? It's super cool.."

One day, this will be among those memories of us that they will treasure for all their lives..

I've come to a conclusion to just go ahead with the surgery for the wellbeing of my heart & health.. For the sake of my family.. They still need me to be there for them.. I'll just have to wait & see what the cardiologist has to say when I visit him on the given appointment date..

Whatever it is, kalau Dia tk uji, Dia tk kan sayang.. Sebab Dia saying sangat2 la kite slalu diuji..

Hopefully all will be well..  

You Can't Truly Understand Something, Until It Happens To You..

When the doctor finally knew what exactly was going on with the frequent heart palpitations, it wasn't Hyper Ventilation Syndrome at all.. It was something that I was inborn with.. And on January 10th 2017, the heart palpitations reached its peak to the extend of giving me a continuous non-stop pounding & rapid heartbeat for nearly 5 hours, numbness in both hands, tongue & feet with a massive tightness feeling & pain in my chest until I couldn't even breathe & choked me up till my throat.. I was on the verge of collapsing.. I couldn't even walk & needed to be carried & rushed to the hospital from my workplace.. I was losing conscious..

I had to go thru the emergency procedure at the NUH A&E with all the sticky pads, oxygen mask, wires, syringes & tubes all over my body.. They kept talking to me & repeatedly tapped my cheek; not wanting to let me lose consciousness.. I remembered saying, "Can I see my husband for the last time?" And the doctor in-charge replied, "No, you will not see your husband for the last time, Ma'am.. I promise you that you will see him later.. Put on the oxygen mask for her.. Defibrillator on standby everyone.. She's losing consciousness.. Keep talking to her.. Heart rate is increasing & beating faster than usual.. Blood pressure very low.. She's in cold sweat.. Ma'am, stay with us.. You have to stay awake.. Ma'am.."

At that moment, all I could think of was my family.. But somehow, while I laid lifeless on that bed, feeling like I nearly wanna give up, let Allah take me away with Him & worrying about what's gonna happen to my family when I'm no longer around, a reassuring voice from my heart spoke, "I am with you.. Do not be afraid for I will always be with you.."

The inserted an anti-arrhythmia drug to control & reduce the rapid heart rate by blocking my heart channels.. Afraid I might be experiencing a cardiac arrest during the whole procedure, they had the Defibrillator on standby.. I cried, after what seemed like a battle for my life.. It was such an emotional moment as soon as my husband was allowed to see me at the observation room..

And right now in bed, resting in the comfort of my own home, while everyone's asleep, I still couldn't get over the ordeal.. It kept me thinking of what had happened earlier at the A&E.. The doctor still couldn't believe how I could endure such pain for such long hours & not rushed myself to the A&E as soon as the symptoms came.. Coz if I were to endure much much longer, my heart would completely collapse & I might just go into a sudden cardiac arrest..

This life, my family, all my loves ones who're there thru it all.. Thank you.. And I'm so grateful knowing that He was there with me all the time.. Sometimes, we may think that He seems so faraway from us but actually, He is there with us all along.. And for that, forever, I am always in His Debt.. Alhamdulillah..

My Family..

For they complete me; a wife & a mother.. xoxo

Insha'Allah if given another chance, I hope we could try just one last time for a 4th child before I hit 40.. A girl.. Coz that makes us even.. 3 boys & 3 girls.. Ameen.. Ya Rabb.. =))

My Attitude Is Based on How You Treat Me..

Age doesn't define one's level of maturity & being a minor doesn't make one an ignorant person. In other words, just because one is older, they deserve & demand every right to be respected regardless of everything they do; good or bad. And just because one is younger, they deserve every bit of crap to be thrown on their faces, to be OK with the shit & to live with it..

From my point of view, you let others treat you by what you allow, what you don't & the limitations that you set regardless of who they are..

Old isn't always wise.. Young isn't always childish..

My penny worth of thought..