I have decided to moved all my self-posts to tumblr too. Just quite sick of my blog's layout but I am too lazy to go and customize it. And also how boring my life is that there's nothing to blog about unless I'm hypervantilated-happy or depressed. For those who reads my blog secretly, cause I have no idea who ever reads this boring space, I will still blog at tumblr whenever I feel like I have stuff to say. Tumblr is mostly my comfort, my runaway, my shelter, it's everything there that adds up to be me. People who doesn't use tumblr probably doesn't and can never understand what I just said and finds it ridiculous, but if you know me, I guess you'd appreciate what I share.

N this is for you; cause you are probably too noob to all the blog sites, to see my blog posts and not the "just lovely photos I reblogged" on my tumblr, it's tagged under self-posts. And you probably also don't know how to find it, haha here's the link - http://preachthejam.tumblr.com/tagged/self-post

Bored at 2 in the morning so I'm going to do a post on the stuff around my table.

Polaroids and a handphone chain N got me from those charity people along the streets, hanging.
A black swallow decal I recently bought.
Going to print more photos so I can officially decorate the whole thing, this has been empty like that since.. 8months ago(?)

Travel fund bottle for our trips.

Angel stand from IKEA that N bought for me.
I use it to put my planner which I lovezzzz it a lot(given by N on our 10th month) and my muji notepads.

Candle lamp. Bought from IKEA in one of those random days to go eat their awesome yummy meatballs.

Supposed to start planting our own mini plant with this flower pot but I end up stuffing random stuff in there since we are too lazy to start planting.

Gift box N used to put my valentine's present in. Best thing I like is the card, reason being he seldom write heartfelt stuff because it just ain't him, and the tiffany's box I leave lying on my desk.

That's all.



And so much for me trying to stay slim when I'm pigging out for lunch and dinner and supper it's crazy the amount of food I have to eat this whole week. Had buffet almost every other day and going to have it the following every other day. Le sigh.. My diet plan!

There are a lot going around about this video, how it made couples feel depressed and got affected after watching it. I agree, it makes couples uncertain about how their relationship will go and how true the whole process is.

It actually made me really emotional after watching it the second time. I couldn't decide whether it's an inspiration to couples breaking up or making it work. But at the last 2 parts of the video, it makes the most sense to me. Or rather it touched me the most. It's all the same, how once she can be so certain that he was her tomorrow and the next, all he is is her yesterday, because people change, people move on, and all that's left are fragments of memory.

The last part he said "If life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time. And I'll be thankful for that. And hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. And I think that's the best we can hope for."

I don't want that. That's not the good enough for me, that's not the best I want us to hope for. I never want you to be my yesterday. I cannot imagine my tomorrow without you. I won't allow you to become just fragments of images in my head. I know the future is ever so uncertain, but we have now, we have at least a couple of months that we are certain of, and you are in mine. You're in my present and tomorrow, and the next couple of months I'm certain that I'd live for. I know it has been rough on us but I never see our relationship to be those that would end after 2years or even 3. And I believe that's enough, for us to make it work. That we'd never get tired of trying, cause we love each other.

If only.

He asked her to trust again, believe in what they both first saw their future held. To only come around and crash it all down for her in the next 24 hours. Was it a lie or just an insensitive part of him. After 429 days he tells her that he is lost in how to basically communicate and treat her, but he still loves her.

She knows it was her fault to constantly try to hurt him as bad as he hurt her in the slightest mistakes he made. She promised to make it work, if both of them tried, it's possible.

But the cycle continues.

Where is this love.


I have decided, from this moment on, nothing moves in me. I will give you what you have been looking for me, other than that, nothing moves.

429days

Making a list

1. Camera
2. Wallet
3. Learn Driving, Stop Procrastinating (cause hearing your dad nag isn't a good thing)
4. Macbook
5. Prepare myself for koala to go into army (going to buy our tiger a soldier shirt)
6. Prepare myself for uni


I don't even know whether I should go into UOL or even to start uni in august. Feeling so unprepared for this whole adulthood life. Should I just be strong and leave to study for 3years, or stay here and just take whatever comes my way. To be honest, I am not as ready as I thought I would be especially having a boyf now (okay he's just an excuse for me not leaving, I am still quite dependent on my mom). Maybe I should just go to University of Manchester, at least my aunt is there, but I hate troubling people. I guess I agree with what people close to me say, I want life to come in the simplest easiest form ever. Money dropping from sky, books to read themselves, applications to submit themselves, life to set out a path for me like google maps. But of course, it will never be that way. Like now, I'm simply too lazy to move my lazy arse to go to bed and sleep.

But now all in my mind is for June to come, to go for all the trips we've booked for. Taking SQ to Bangkok hahahaha wisest choice ever! Honestly, I doubt I am prepared for uni at all. I should just try SIA or get a full time job at some bank till I sort out what I want to do, hopefully by end of this year to apply for uni next year.

WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!

Clear as crystal. It was the best day of my life.

And you know what? Tonight I realized something. It’s not that I want you to hold me, it’s that I want you to reach for me.