Boardwalk
'I'm lifting. I'm lifting.' - Old man
Mason Jennings - Which Way Your Heart Will Go
"Gwen: It hurts when I smile..
Bertram Pincus: I can fix that for you."
-Ghost Town
Hey Marseilles | Rio
'Set your sights straight now
Don't forget pain
Drink 'til the morning becomes yesterday
Think of the shorelines you have yet to see
Men who will hold you with eyes you believe'
A Fine Frenzy | Lifesize
Finally! Finished watching the last episode of HIMYM's season 5. Not one boring moment, and each episode leaves a warm fuzzy feeling in your tummy. I know season 5 ended eons ago, but ive only gotten to finish it now. Still, leaves me wanting to watch the next season. I'll wait, patiently.
'We all become our own dopplegangers; totally different persons than who we were years ago..'
..and i believe, that can be a good thing. :)
Dashboard Confessional - Finishing School
I only realised, at 12.18 in the morning, while booking for my prac. that they've got my name wrong. Darwin's monkey moment right there.
d(O.O)b
Safety gears, helmets, pads etc. Check.
1 day crash course on trail-riding. Check.
Scrapes and bruises. Check.
Lived, breathed and ate sweet earth. Check. Check. Check.
All ive got to do now is get my license in order..
...in order for this!
heh. :)
Marina And The Diamonds | I Am Not A Robot
You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're lovable, so lovable
But you're just troubled.
Silversun Pickups - Little Lover's So Polite
"it's always the same way for me
blue turns soft with time
broke remains, an everyday disguise
ending in the same way. . .
the same way"
Ben Folds/Regina Spektor - You Don't Know Me live
'So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know.'
-Ben Folds
David Choi - Won't Even Start
"Who you are on the inside reflects who you are on the outside. And knowing you makes it all the more beautiful."
The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition
a moment
a love
a dream
aloud
a kiss
a cry
our rights
our wrongs
a moment a love
a dream
aloud
Ice Nine Kills - What I Should Have Learned In Study Hall
you'd do it right the second time round, if given a chance..
Jewel - Foolish Games
I got my last-minute leave approved. 1 last day of leave for the whole year and ima spend it meaningfully at my BFF's wedding.. I just can't wait. :)
Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time its different
I mean I really think you'll like me.
Rachael Yamagata - Elephants
..he reads a book from across the street, waiting for someone that he'll never meet.
Anberlin - (The Symphony of) Blasé
I dont particularly like working during the monsoon season.. At times when i have to go out to the pier in the early morning, i'd hide behind the fuel pumps 'cos of the gale-force winds. The kind of winds that chill you to your bones, where the wind sock never gets a breather, and you see white horses prancing out and about.
Tonight will be no different..
Eels - i need some sleep
I can't sleep, and today is suppose to be a glorious day.. Eyebags arent suppose to show in pictures, clothes dont stain when you get clumsy, and everyone's eager in anticipation, smiling/happy. But why is that not so..
HIMYM - S4E9
My off days have been spent catching up on all the episodes of HIMYM that i missed, and also old ones that bring about lost memories. Its like finding a treasure box when i found out i had a colleague who was still religiously following the tv series. Sweet.. NS isnt a waste of time. And eversince my old laptop crashed, which along with it, most of my important data that i did not back up, went to kingdom come, ive been trying to piece together little memories of what i once had. Old poems that i had a liking for.
I would bookmark the ones i found interesting and pass it around. Its like passing on a good deed, somethings are just not worth keeping it to yourself, and one that can warm the heart or tickle your funny bone i think is like a gem. Along with all the data were e-post it notes that i had plastered all over my laptop's desktop.. Random string of thoughts, ideas, work-in-progress'es; some almost complete, other's waiting for that elusive inspiration. I thought i lost all of them.. but they keep coming up, little by little..
And while watching season 4 episode 9 of HIMYM, i recovered this little gem of a poem i thought i had lost. Its a tad sad but i think its beautiful.. Have a read, maybe you'll like it too.
Saddest Poem by Pablo Neruda
Is there room for one more Sun..
On a day as uncertain as this, the future hangs on nothing but hope and a fight for common cause. I know how she feels because i've been there before. Today; everything will condense into today. You will feel helpless at the immenseness of everything.
Life will feel like cold turkey, but it'll only be for one day. Sometimes maybe two. And on other days, the aftershocks will reverberate. But it'll die down sooner or later. And only with time, truth and courage will she know what to expect of all this.
We might think that we are all alone in certain experiences but talk it out, not to the random stranger, that'd be too dangerous, but a long time friend that you can trust. You'd soon find out that eventhough each experience is unique to only you, there are still similarities in the decision-making, the emotional process, and the overall outcome of the two.
NS for me is like a book full of untold stories. And I find that people open up to you more if you ask them questions close to the heart. So i ask one question, and their lifestory unfolds. I sit there, listening, and taking it all in. Its much more simpler than having to do introductions about myself. At the same time, i analyze and try to read into the person. Likes, dislikes, hobbies, who they are as a person and who'd they like to be in the future.
And when you don't distance/separate yourself from anything, you'll pretty much be able to talk to anyone. Provided they feel comfortable talking to you in the first place.
You'll learn a whole lot. And you'll learn that you, are not alone.
Away under the money tree we go..
I need to spend my hundred dollars.
I need to spend my hundred dollars.
I need to spend my hundred dollars.
If not B-Town will be angry with me. :/
11.10.09
Oh how joyous it would be to have triple-tiered cake and rainbow-colored streamers on this day! <|XD
Another Sunday Afternoon - Staggersaurus
Observations 101.
Yesterday, while cycling at East Coast, i stopped by the Cable Ski Park and came to observe a family, all dressed in traditional middle eastern garb, having a picnic by the beach. A family picnic spread across 3 generations. Mom, Dad, 3 boys all grown up, one with a family of his own; a young wife and a baby. They had a mat big enough for 10 but the young wife was sitting on the grass patch alone about a meter away while the rest were having, what seemed to be, a heartfelt conversation. It was as if she was oblivious to them. I don't understand why, but i guess some things are just not meant to be understood. Ohwell..
But it was a good day, all in all, save for a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing an ice cold coconut couldn't cure. Heh.
Hazrul Nizam - Kaulah Segalanya
"How can you still be so optimistic even after everything?", asked the girl.
"I dont know.. Would any other emotion suffice? Nice is the only thing you can be. Really. ", replied the boy, with that oh-so-familiar neutral smile.
Owl City - Fireflies
"Hello, my name is Fid. Im the semi-permanent Station Diarist at work."
It's gotten to a point where i now have a system in place and one of my pet peeves is when people try to shift my things around. I like things done a certain way. Ok, make that one way. My way. Perfectionist, but i dont think that word can be used in real-world situations. You know you're going to stay in a post for quite a bit when you start personalising a given space with photos.
Im not complaining because it has its perks. Like if you're really fast with your work, you can get everything done in a mere 2 hours. And that'll leave you with 10 to do pretty much anything. Take long walks, surprise visits to colleagues. Have lunch/dinner with a stunning view of the Sea off Serangoon. Sunsets. Sunrise. Its like looking through a wide-angle camera lens with the unobstructed view.
I like to sit at the end of the long pier in the early morn. Plant yourself right at the waters' edge just looking out into nothing. The stillness makes every little activity stand out. I still can't master the art of skipping stones; the height of the pier prolly turns each piece into a belly flop instead of many graceful skips. Most evenings, i'd be in the company of a curious pelican but we don't really talk. And that's perfectly fine because a conversation would only ruin the atmosphere.
Maybe the only thing we have in common is a liking for that spot at the end of the pier, but its ok; i dont mind sharing. :)
Kimya Dawson - So nice so smart
A random string of words that isnt random at all.
Pier. Wind-swept. Quiet. Pelican. Walks. Degenerative. Questions. Repeat. Mundane. Movies. Brunch. Sunday. Hullabaloo. Desk. Thumb. Drive. Wall. Presumptuous. Sea. Dinners. Late. Night. Suppers. Early. Morning. 4X4's. Swim. Flowers. Cold feet. Unprepared. Disc. Rattle. Hugs. Stars. Rooftops. Dutch. Sugi. Sachet. Buzz. Dreams. Coffee. Disease. Smart. Miracles. Heights. Kite. Suspects. Cardinal. Endearing. Vampires. Pretty. Fan. Dance. Almost. Music. Harmonica. Sing. Feel. Blue. Bear. Horizon.
Cat Power - Sea of Love (Juno Soundtrack)
Question - What is permanence?
Per-ma-nence [pur-muh-nuh ns] - noun
From the wisdomful Dictionary.com, permanence means 'the condition or quality of being permanent; perpetual or continued existence'..
A very random dear friend of mine posed to me that question one very sleepy morning. She's an enigma of sorts. You never really know what to equate her with, and you can't. Her presence is so very fleeting, but you always know that she's there.. I guess that is what she meant.
You don't have to be around all the time.. you don't have to consciously set aside time, or make promises that entails sacrifices. But know that i am always here for you, same now as it was then. A friend, through and through.
The kind of friendship that you leave fate to decide upon.. if so fate permits..
Sometimes the burden of friendship can be one that is so very overwhelming, but it isn't suppose to be.
.. it isnt suppose to be.. :)
Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle
"Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment,
You'll say the words that i can't say."
Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (acoustic)
"you can control this just about as much as you can control the weather... you can't."
- unknown
Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home
There is a place that I once knew
Cold and frightening and bitterly blue
If you should find yourself there too
I'll hold your hand and walk with you.
- unknown
Kaskade - Borrowed Theme
'But I still want these things
Flighted childhood dreams
As foolish as they seem..'
Eels - Last Stop: This Town
'Why dont we take a ride away up high
Through the neighbourhood
Up over the billboards and the factories
And smoke'
Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
"And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time..
all the time."
Emilie Simon - In the Lake
Hope work is going well. Only 30 more minutes till you get to clock off. And its alr mid-week.. for you at least. Weekend's only 3 days away. Everyday's the same for me but in-service went well today. I did good during the baton training just now and i guess the instructor was impressed cos he gave me his baton-training patch/insignia. Its not good publicity to be so 'on' in a team that is already 'on the ball'. The guys still dont remember my name, but at least they gave me a nickname i think i can live with; 'ghurka'. But dont worry, im still the weird boy that nobody know's where to group me in, and i think ill be an enigma all the way till i ORD. Its perfectly fine by my standards. Im going out for a jog now around the estate. Ill see you around miss. Take care ok and dont skip dinner/please have nutritious meals. Ill talk to you soon. bye. :)
Finch - What it is to burn
I have days where i wake up hating life itself. Hating knowing what i know. That this world can be so beautiful but at the same time so messed up.
Many times i'd look around. Just look at the people around me. How are their lives so different from mine? What makes me stand out? Frankly speaking, i'm just another face. A collective will make up statistic charts, and bar graphs for a census. but the eccentricities, the mix of nut-jobs and mental cases. The hate, the pain.
Everyone has their own selfish agenda to fulfill before their time runs out. We are all the same, yet so different. Our uniformity lies in us being born, paying taxes, and then dying. How different can you really be.
It makes me wonder, are we done for?
The world is already bitter as it is, i don't think we need to add anything else to the mix. It's just perfect.
And i know i have a distinct moral absolutist life philosophy. 'A set of black-and-white values that take many shapes but never mixing into shades of gray.' In that lies my inability to reason/understand between what reality is, and what i perceive of thing to be.
Trying to be that moral elitist. Trying to see the good in everything. I just have to understand that some things are not done with good intent. Most decisions are not made with forethought for others. We're only given choices/options that will lead to 2 very different outcomes. Black or white. just like Rorschach.
Brett Dennen - The One Who Loves You the Most
See, when you forgive your imperfections
And you’ve auctioned all your clothes
And look to see your true reflection
You will be the one who loves you the most
You will be the one who loves you the most
You will be the one who loves you the most..
Kerli - Butterfly Cry
I live for the nightly 9.07pm fireworks display over sentosa, even if it may be only for a few seconds. The wednesday night airings of 'ninja warrior' that drives everyone crazy. The more sedated reruns of 'the price is right'. Slipping and sliding across the walkway next to the swimming pool when it rains. Looking up into the night sky full of stars after a hard day's work. Early morning jogs by the wharf overlooking the singapore straits. Commenting on golf play and only me not being able to spot the damn golf ball. Having the bunk smelling of crisp toasted bread every night 'cos we sneaked in a toaster. Being civil and having a queue number just to read newspapers brought in; maybe recent, maybe a few days old. Im going to miss the life of an officer-in-training. :)
The Pierces - Secret
The last place someone should go to online for porridge recipes is a forum. I'd rather bet my money's worth on googling a recipe. People will give you all sorts of theories and recipes that usually consist of only fish, porridge and water.. Thats what you get when you ask a geek for advice, kinda like asking a chef how long the current economic climate is going to last ..but you've got to give him credit for being such a sweet boy and wanting to cook porridge for his sick girlfriend. Now everybody, 1.. 2... 3.. 'Aww..'
Rachael Yamagata - Elephants
'So for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger
But keep one eye open at night'
- Elephants
Ben Folds - The Luckiest
"i think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight, for so long, is because we fear something so great will not happen again." -unknown
Katie Melua - Nine Million Bicycles
- Yasmin Ahmad's latest commercial for MCYS, heartwarmingly touching. :)
Rachael Yamagata - I Wish You Love
My best friend is getting engaged tomorrow.. Cant really imagine how excited she must be feeling right now; approx. 12 hours more to go. Even if it may be a small and modest affair, im sure the preparation and effort put in will make it a memorable one. :)
This will be my first time attending an engagement ceremony, and i dont really know what to do/wear. I usually shy away because i feel really awkward attending any formal ceremony. Having to mind my manners at all times and be prim and proper, its hard work. I guess the best thing to do is just be there for her and give her my support. She's been there for me all this while, and now its my turn.
I really appreciate all that she's done for me through the years, and yet she's never expected/asked for anything in return. A true friend indeed, and i am glad to have been given the chance to get to know someone so special.
And to make sure her BFFTEOTLTE doesnt miss a thing even while she's away in Thailand, ima try and take 458937578 pictures of tomorrow.
Oh, Rachael Yamagata will be coming down to Singapore on the 15th of April, but just my luck ill still be in camp.. Maybe next time. :)
M.Y.M.P - No Ordinary Love(acoustic)
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
-Mother Teresa
M.Y.M.P - Especially For You(acoustic)
Was walking around Marina Square, trying to find a little corner to read my book, when i chanced upon this little make-shift second hand cd shop by the escalator. I would usually give these fly-by-day stalls a miss but the cd they've got playing made me turn my head.. and slowly i edged towards the counter. I tried to make myself look occupied, browsing through the numerous rows of cd, not really paying any attention, but simply listening to the song. There is something surreal when you have a good singer, a talented guitarist and the simplicity of doing a song acoustic. The richness of her voice makes up for the lack of any other accompanying instruments. Maybe that's the whole purpose, to highlight something good, something that people would normally overlook. Once i heard the second track, i knew i had to get the cd. Totally random. But right now as i listen to each track, i dont regret it one bit. 2 great finds on what would normally be a quite normal routine friday..
Paolo Nutini - Rewind(Acoustic)
Its 3.04am in the morn, and im waiting for 9am to have my fears confirmed.. Its too late to turn back now, but i want this to go through. I want it all to stop. The fighting, the unhappiness, the anger, the pessimism, the regret of not being able to do more, and ultimately the lack of trust. Because of what happened in the past, 2 years on and im still that same kid i hated so much. Closed up now, more than ever. Still stuck at god knows where.. and i cant move on. I dont think i ever will.. But i have only myself to blame.
She tried, she really did try to pull me out of this rut.. but learning to trust her again was just too much for me. Fighting with myself day in and day out, coupled with the fact that i have to take into account other people that matter; her, my family, friends. Doing a fine balancing act, trying to please everyone.. Everyone but myself. Its stuck in my head that the only way i can find happiness is to make other people happy, and im this close to burning out. They more i give, the more they take and expect me to give out more. With NS 5 days a week, i dont even have time for myself.
But life goes on, whether i want it to or not. All i can do is try to find the little things that can still make me smile. Even if they're in the past.. ill hang on to them, for i dont really have much to start off with. Back to me in my own little world, but i guess that's the only perfect place left. Doing my own thing, at my own pace, because I have this habit of corrupting each and every pure memory that i share with other people. I always think the worst of things and the fear just holds me so tight until i wont be able to think of anything else. Drains me of all the energy, hope and love.. I really can't help it. Either no one knows how to break this cycle, or they just dont understand my problems.
I was asking for trouble when i thought she could be the one to save me. To change every bad thing that had happened in my life, to restore the faith in me that you can truly trust someone with your whole heart and not have a single doubt. I failed to notice that she's only human afterall. And as humans, we all make mistakes. I wasnt prepared for that. I was never prepared for the hard part, the sadness, the pain that makes you want to throw up your insides. I just thought that if i gave everything, id get the same in return but i was asking for too much. Looking for more than anyone could ever give me. Now i know, no matter how hard i look, no matter how far i go, ill never find it.
My gut feeling is screaming at me to leave her alone.. And i truly believe that is whats best. A choice i made without any inteference from anyone. Its about time i reason with myself. So be it, if from all that reasoning i decide to pull away. I'm only going to do more harm if i stay. It'll save a whole lot of people a whole lot of hurt. All that's left is simple. And i can take simple.
I truly wish only the best for her. Hope that the transition to her new place will go about smoothly, and that there'll be no hiccups. Pray that school and work won't be too stressful eventhough its the 3rd year. I know she'll do good because she has this drive in her, this tenacity to succeed that i've not seen in anyone else. If there's one person that truly deserves this, its her. I'm sorry that i'm not man enough to be there for you. And i hope that one day you'll forgive me, for hurting you. I'm sorry.
So now i wait... for the clock to strike 9, and her plane to lift off.. Maybe only then will i get some rest, but i doubt so.
Annasay - Winter Air
I can't sleep.. Maybe because its the big parade later. So ive been sampling music.. Some peace and quiet for myself in the wee hours of the morning. Brings back memories of long quiet suburban streets in Perth, bundled up in a few layers of winter wear.. Junction after junction, walking, and the only thing you hear are the leaves crackling beneath your feet. You feel the cold kissing you on the nose, and yet you smile, shake your head and continue on to wherever your destination may be..
Anuar Zain - Teman Terulung
Hello my name is firdaus. Im currently serving my NS, and its been going well so far. I do as im told, and i try to shun from being too loud or expressive. Loud noises/people tend to irritate me nowadays. They irritate me a whole hell lot. Sometimes i feel like telling people off, telling them to shut up, so that i can have some peace and quiet. I need that so as to piece my thoughts together.
This past week has been a blur to me. Maybe its also due to the lack of sleep. I cant sleep because id have dreams of her, then id wake up sad and depressed. Any free time that i get, i force myself into a daze so that i don't think up of nonsense. Other than forcing myself into a daze, i cherish being accorded quite a substantial 'personal time' because it helps you to relook on your own perception of religion. True, it helps you find your inner sense of peace and one-ness. Keeps you grounded, knowing that with faith and hard work, God will never let you down. I think this is the only context in which you can use the word 'never'. Everything else in life is just like a coin-toss; there's a 50/50 chance of anything.
I guess before, i placed my faith in all the wrong places. And i accept it that one day i'll have to answer to Him and will have to face the consequences of my actions. That i cannot escape, but what i can do now is repent for all the mistakes that i've done. It is never too late to seek for forgiveness, even from the people around you.
What a weird feeling it was in getting myself reacquainted with the religious books my mom painstakingly compiled for my family when we were still kids. I only knew how blessed i was when my squadmates actually borrowed the few copies that i had, so that they could make copies for themselves. To think that my mom has been giving all these while, and us kids have just been taking but yet she doesnt complain. Because she does it out of love. That pure love only a mother can have for her kids. An unbiased/unselfish kind of love.
Ive always tried to emulate my mom since i was young. Cos i saw the perfect woman in her. Her calmness, her serenity. If ever i needed a role model on how to forever remain giving, she'd be the person id look up to. She taught me that everything happens for a reason, and we should take each one as a lesson, internalize it and then let it go. There's no benefit keeping it locked up inside, let the anger, hatred build up and boil over. It'll just eat you up inside. "Learn from it, then let it go fid.. Let it go."
She appreciates all the little gestures that you do for her, and you can see it in her face. Like when i accompany her to work, even if its just a 10 minutes bus ride. Or when i give her noisy pecks on her cheeks, hug her and pimpin her hand in public to show my affection. When i was younger, i used to shy away from giving my mum hugs and kisses in public, especially in school. Then she'd go, "Firdaus malu eh peluk/cium mak depan orang ramai?" Then i'd go, "Mestilah, Firdaus kan dah budak besar!" eventhough i was only 10 then.
If i could go back in time, id smack that little booger for being so unappreciative. He forgot who was the one that took care of him when he was sick, made for him breakfast/lunch/dinner, prepared his uniform and eventhough she had better things to do, send him for his tae-kwon-do lessons every saturday without fail.
She taught me to not be jealous, or go green-eyed if other people are more fortunate than you in whatever it may be. What's more important is learning to treasure what you have and be grateful for them. That might be the reason why im more of a 'needs' person rather than a 'wants'. Or maybe im just a scrooge. I hope its not the latter. In any case, no good deed goes unrewarded. I believe in that God is fair.
And the one person i must start making amends with is my mom. She's done too much for me.. Too much. And ive hurt her, especially so, for the past one year. Ive been selfish and cared only about myself. If i keep it up, ill be booking myself a first-class ticket to hell for being a bad son. And still, she forgives me without hesitation. That woman never fails to amaze me.
I initially wanted to write out my frustrations, tell the whole world how angry/mad a person i am, but in the end, that's not the person i want to be. Im still finding out who i am and what my purpose is, and there is no shortcut or smart-alec way to getting there. I just have to realise that i am still learning. Maybe ill be learning until i die, but it starts with accepting the reality that we'll never be perfect; only a work-in-progress.
In order for others to forgive me of my mistakes, first i must clear the ones ive held on to so stubbornly.
Now I finally understand.
"Learn from it, then let it go fid.. Let it go."
Meiko - Hawaii
I don't know why i'm still haunted by past events. Have i not confronted them fully or did i try too hard to suppress them? Did i give myself enough time to heal, to come to terms with what had happened? Why can i still not let it go?
Certain images or scenarios that i come across will trigger a flood of bad memories and I feel so helpless when it happens, cos there's nothing i can do that will change anything. When it hits, you just stand there rooted, not being able to talk, move or stop it. And after the flashbacks stop, you just feel so drained.
In all this mess, i wish my happiness didnt matter. I wish i had told myself then, that making others happy was enough for me. I don't need to have everything to live a fulfilling life. I did what i had to do, to survive day by day and that ought to have been enough. I wish i wasn't such a dreamer. All i wanted was to find a place where i can fit in, find my purpose and be myself.
I wish i had someone to talk to right now.. Someone whom i could share my thoughts and emotions with, and not feel afraid of the outcome.
Someone who'd understand.
Cranberries - Linger
The hardest part of loving someone, is believing that letting them go is what's best.
Magneta Lane - Wild Gardens
-We're children, we're dancing in gardens
Her heart rests on him with the stillness
Of lights in the night time she's dancing
Waiting for his hearts twin rythym..
Stefano Bollani - Ma L'amore No
Ma l'amore, no
L'amore mio non pu
Disperdersi nel vento, con le rose.
Tanto forte che non ceder
Non sfiorir
Io lo veglier
Io lo difender
Da tutte quelle insidie velenose
Che vorrebbero strapparlo al cuor,
Povero amor!
Forse se ne andrai
D'altre donne le carezze cercherai!
Ahim
E se tornerai
Gi sfiorita ogni bellezza troverai
In me
Ma l'amore no
L'amore mio non pu
Dissolversi con l'oro dei capelli.
Fin ch'io vivo sar vivo in me,
Solo per te!
**************
But love, no
my love will not fade away
in the wind, with the roses
so strong that it will not surrender
nor wither
i will watch over her
i will defend her
from all those poisoned hidden dangers
that tears the heart out
poor love!
Maybe you'll be looking
for other guys' caresses
poor me
and if you will come back
you will find the infinite, flowery
beauty in me.
but love, no
my love will not fade away
like the gold in my hair
till the end, love remains alive in me,
just for you.
* I love this song. Was prolly in sec 1, when i first watched the movie 'Malena'.. and I've been a dreamer ever since. The age-old quest to find that one true love, and to know that's all you'll ever need. no matter how hard the journey ahead seems.
Blame it on late nights watching foreign films on arts central. :)
grant lee phillips - boys don't cry
I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind
I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do
So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more
Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
-I didnt understand the meaning of this song when The Cure sang it, but this one's the stripped down version. So simple yet so sad.
Newton Faulkner - Dream Catch Me
I really have to go out.. Its bad staying at home, talking to people on msn, people as in singular, one person; seaman, and having a discussion on Confucius, the pro's and con's of living in today's world and yesterday's, direct translation of the word geylang from mandarin to english, and him going to hor-lang. I hope he was joking with the last one.
Been asking around how everyone's doing, when i say everyone i mean my very little circle of friends. I say quality over quantity, but maybe that's just my excuse to be insular. And by the looks of it, everyone's doing pretty darn good. Im glad to hear that, wouldnt want it any other way. As long as you're doing something you love, don't let anyone stop you from doing it.
Well, this is my song of the moment and watch-movies.net has got alot of really good quality stuff.
:)
american hi-fi - another perfect day
have been having bouts of insomnia for the past few days, waking up at weird hours of the night. Woke up at 3-ish, feeling uber thirsty cos the nights have been really humid but i couldnt go to sleep again after getting a drink. Everything just starts to flood in once i'm awake. and it just doesnt stop. Ohwels, i've always wanted to go for the early morning swim at tampines anyways. The swimming complex opens at 6.30am on mon, wed, fri and both weekends i think. Its about time i got a routine together since i got back. Better go find all my gear now. It's still hard for me to get used to the climate back here in singapore.
Maybe its cos i don't want to.
Gavin Rossdale - Love Remains The Same
The machine kept on breaking down and i got tired of going up to people. :)
bright eyes - first day of my life
This week is 'appreciate simple things week' for me. and for a start, i love doing something as simple as walking through dry leaves covered walkway. how the leaves crackle when you step on them. its just nice making so much noise. :)
Paolo Nutini - Last Request - Jools Holland Live
I woke up this morning and surprisingly the clock read 9.30am. Its been weeks since ive woken up later than 6.00am. and the best surprise was that my sis told me on msn, while she's safely away in SP, that she dropped my toothbrush in the bowl. accidentally. Shiiit. that was a good brush. ohwels.. i should be glad she told me, instead of just quietly putting it back. now i have an excuse to get a new brush. That's actually it for today, cos the day's still too young for me to put a really interesting post. :)
If you're that free... try looking into the doctrine of double effect.
I just found out, it was pangea day on my birthday. coolness. pangea refers to the supercontinent from which all current continents eventually separated. It serves as a reminder of the "connectedness" or unitary nature of all people on Planet earth. hah a. i totally lifted that from wikipedia. Its a singular global even where people from the world over get to talk about their part of the world, and everybody else just listens... Given a chance, and the people will talk. Good, bad or anything. I would really like a modern day pangea. Think about it...We would have no use for passports or visas.
as heard on the idiotbox.
As i waited in the causeway jam for 1.3 hours/80 mins/4800 seconds/4560743 strands of collective hair from the stresses of the masses being stuck in a cesspit of 8235 cars.. "latest news on the radio, U.S. Dept of *something something* reported that good weather will result in an abundance of crop and agricultural produce." Well. you dont say..
My 20th birthday/eve of mothers' day was yesterday, celebrated it with most of the extended family in JB. Me and my big mouth, i told my sisters that if they wanted to get me a present, what i needed right now was either my food stash or underwear. they must've thought the latter was easier to get. My uncle too got wind of it and he threw in an extra pack. Coolness.
Chilled with the boys. Eventhough we had the whole of JB to ourselves, but we just took time to talk about what's been happening in our lives, cos we've been quite busy lately and yesterday was just too perfect to miss. The boys are always there when you need a good pick-me-up. Also i spent a good time trying to convince everyone else i was still only twenteen.
Im glad i can put it all behind me. I just want to wish her the best in all that she's doing. No loose ends or unfinished business. That sigh of relief, the feeling of freedom that hits you when you first open your eyes in the morning. Could have also been the warming rays from the sun, but either way i still look forward to both. If you've ever noticed, there's actually a difference between the sun's rays on different days, the best ones are always on fridays, saturdays and sundays.. today was particularly beautiful. a nice soft glow.
Another year older, a new start. They say I'm no longer a teenager anymore, and the responsibilities will also add on year after year. Ill use NS to sort out my thinking. Put the 2 years to good use. but meanwhile... backpacking! okay.. with proper planning, and ive still got 5 months. i prolly wont have to wait till after NS to backpack up north. The richness of asia can only be seen with your own eyes as you travel through the multi-faceted societies that line the east coast west coast, and land-locked SEA states. I'm a sucker for lonely planet-esque tv programs, just caught globe trekker on artscentral 2 days ago. Ian wright was the perfect person to host such a show. i was addicted to the way he made each adventure so exciting and culturally unique to its geography. kinda like indiana jones, without the fedora. last week's one was a feature on traveling in beirut, lebanon and coincidentally, beirut was on the news the same night, some kind of internal conflict. Ok, im going to abruptly end this entry right here in all its awkwardness. Good night. :)
*i cant get enough of marie digby's acoustic cover of 'umbrella'*
tori amos - 1000 oceans
efin: i get to shower 5 times a day in between training. Its like the only luxury in camp.
me: no shiit...
I guess it'll actually kickass, since i get to smell funky fresh each day everyday. I totally have no idea what to expect from the men in blue. but that aside, its time to start training up for NS.
Now... work... it actually pays to be nice to people. You get longer breaks, free lonely planet books, meal offers from Mcd staffers, nice old men who give you the pat on the back, rich tourists who donate their card deposit to you, this china dude who gave me a mandarin-translation of a japanese self-help book. nothing brightens up my day more than someone smiling back at me and genuinely thanking me for helping them. One lady even told her husband to tip me, but he grumbled and pulled her away as quick as lightning.
The golden ticket for me has to be the lonely planet guides that we collect when the tourists just leave them around... i had my go at the whole lot, cos the company was gonna trash them. I took one on australia, 2 on south east asia, bangkok.
And i try to save tourists from visiting all the commercial nonsense of orchard road, but instead find the real gems in places like little india, chinatown, arab st and geylang serai. people put in terrible terrible propaganda in them...' where to buy electronics? orchard road.' 'shopping? orchard road.' 'eat? orchard road.' 'sightseeing? orchard road.' some asked about newton but id rather send them off to tried and tested places like simpang bedok. getting to mess around with the tourists was really fun. a few zen'ed-out dudes asked whether harbourfront was a good place to go to recharge their chakra, since they wanted to be near a water body. i sent them the other direction to pasir ris beach. personally, i hate harbourfront, it just messes with your insides. all the neon, metal, and glass.
i get mistaken a whole lot too. but thats ok since people tend to open up more to someone who they think is of the same race. 'you look like a singapore-born phillipino...' yes. yess.. my parents were from quezon city.' also my fairshare of people to talk to me in thai. there was this indian prof. who was so adamant that i had indian blood in me, which of course i didnt deny.. he even confidently noted i was from chennai. who was i to argue with a man 50 years my senior. african heritage cos of the hair. chinese ancestry cos of the eyes... everything... everything else, but what is stated on my ic. not that i give 2 hoots cos even i dont know where i belong. im happy being not here nor there.
oh yeah, i too dont understand the weird fascination, even cult-like status, of our 'fine' posters.. sometimes i just feel like breaking out into bouts of 'you eat durian in trains, you pay pay pay. fine fine fine!' sorry, but that's coming from the 10 000 years of accumulated chinese heritage in me.
stereophonics - dakota
Good morning Mr MUHAMMAD FIRDAUS BIN MOHAMMAD HASHIM.
Your enlistment date is on 07-Oct-2008. Your reporting unit is POLICE ACADEMY.
I cannot believe my luck...
hello mr. police officer. :)
Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly
There's this old uncle at the station who was the in-charge for my shift yesterday. He likes to say my name whenever he sees me. Nothing wrong with it, he'll just pronounce it correctly over and over again, emphsizing on the 'r' and going firrdaauuuss. but he's cool cos that's all he ever does to me.
maybe ill buy a one way ticket. i miss her so very much. :)
jason mraz - i'm yours
It took me quite a while to troubleshoot the compaq webcam. Damn thing wont turn on. HP makes great laptops but they cant produce a decent driver for the cam. Had to use one from Acer, but it works now.
Such a feel-good song. I would just stop for a moment at work to listen to the song on the radio. Work's been ok, takes me 10 mins to get there and back. helping the tourists fathom the really complicated transit system. I'm doing what i'm suppose to, and i think im quite good at it, but they dont seem to trust a punk with directions. ima have to get creative with hand signs when they dont speak english and i get commended with doses of 'good boy' or 'helpful young man' when they finally understand.
we get a whole lot of backpackers on a daily basis. i envy them, with flag-patches of the various countries they've visited. ill definitely do that after NS. Right now, I make less than what im supposed to cos the cheap-ass bosses try to cut corners. The salary that they cut from us prolly went into paying their $0.5 mil fine.
the best part of it all is getting staff price at the canteen. cheap food. 50cents for a cuppa barley never tasted so goooood.
Meanwhile, enjoy the vid..
Sarah McLachlan - Angel
Cassiel: If you knew what was going to happen, would you still have done it? Was it worth it?
Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
john legend - save room
Today's a beautiful saturday. There was a light shower, and it just stopped. And im off to work now, will be reading Cecilia Ahern's 'p.s. i love you' today. Mmm.. Just cant stop humming to this song..
this just might hurt a little
love hurts sometimes when you do it right
dont be afraid of a little bit of pain
pleasure is on the other side.
let down your guard just a little
i'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
hold on to me pretty baby
you will see I can be all you need if you stay..
rolling stones - paint it black
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Did some sampling while waiting for seaman. Ive been doing a whole lot of waiting when i go out with these guys. If you thought i had a habit for being late, we'll you should go out with them. The time they took to reach, i could prolly have gotten married and have 3 kids. That's what i always say. I think it's a natural trait for guys' biological clock to be off by quite a fair bit... Must be the old batteries.. *i can hear the women go 'excuses. excuses. excuses'* Well, the evening was just nice for a slow walk by the river and i couldnt help but smile to myself as i walked past all the familiar places. It just brings a certain rush. There are habits that i picked up from the missus, that i do unconsciously and when i realise, i start to break into a wide grin, and maybe give a little laugh. She would do those little things that you'd expect no one else to do, and you'd be thinking in your head, 'thats weird but strangely cute and endearing at the same time..' A personal trait i picked up would be to remove the parsley garnish on my pasta. I dont know why, but i believe its only for decoration anyways.. :)
Got posted to buona vista today, tomorrow and till my contract ends. Ive done quite a bit of exploring ever since i got the keys to all the different rooms. Being able to use the toilet on the platform is one of the highlights. definitely not the pay. and today at work i ran off to the bubble tea shop and asked whether they used real bananas in their ice blend. Im fed up with synthetic fruit-flavoured ice blends. I knew the answer was no, cos they use banana powder, but i just had to keep to the flow of the conversation. A beginning, middle and the end. Jumping straight to third base is kind of impolite. and when the lady said no, i took out the banana i brought from home, and asked her whether she could blend that one for me. She looked at me wide-eyed as if i was trying to rob her. I explained that i wasnt going to settle for anything less, still she just stood there. In the end i just ordered honey milk tea and ate the banana as a snack.
Oh yeah, also the station's haunted from the nearby vacant colonial houses, and this 40-plus uncle found a cure for cancer. he was raving all about it with wild hand gestures; something about giving the medicine to some cancer-stricken mice and finding out they're still alive. I hope his patent application gets through. You get all sorts of people but you just have to hope for the best. I have a whole lot of free time to catch up on my reading, and my hands have been itching to hijack the PA system and belt out the top-20 hits. Id probably get my ass fined.
Panic! At The Disco - 9 In The Afternoon
That's the latest Eu Yan Sang ad. I like to walk on the platform and act as if ive got real official business going my way and scare all the passengers off so that they wont bother me, but in actual fact im paid to just walk the time away. I think most people can tell im just a young noob for the job cos they'll start giggling and smiling when i walk past. Sneaking up on schoolkids who are drinking & trying to fish out their last bubble-tea pearl is priceless. Once caught, they just stare at you blankly with their eyes as big as dinner plates, and wait as if you're going to report them to the police, but i just smile and walk away.. The guilty has this certain look that's always the same. Ive had that look many times. ha ha. Went kayaking before work at macritchie and i can still smell the reservoir water/sunblock on my skin. Mmm.. Couldnt resist taking a dip in the turquoise waters, and not being able to see what's down below just makes you want to dive right in and touch the bottom.
I enjoy having long conversations with her. She helps to pass the time away. Trainspotting isnt that bad when you have someone to take your mind off things. but i must stop smiling to myself because it attracts unwanted attention.
Tough choices.
"If you love her... let her go." Words are so easy to just say, blurt them out without emotion but it takes a whole lot out of you when you actually have to confront them. But i believe it is for the best. For her and for me. Its just as easy to fall into it all, to say life is cruel/unfair, wallow in the hurt & grief but i think life is just the way it is. You accept it, bite all the bitterness, then you move on.
“The true test of strength isn’t how you resist change, but how you embrace it”
I went to her blog to borrow this little excerpt. She taught me a whole lot about life, about trying to be better not only for the other person but ultimately for yourself. Most important, about not giving up and that anything is possible when you believe. Ive seen it happen with my own eyes, through all those months. There are so many memories that i cant forget, and i dont think i want to. They'll stay with me and be there to remind me, remind me not to let up, to be strong.
There are always tough decisions to be made... Life is about choices. A certain instance might present itself with 3 options, and you have to make a decision which one would be the best for you, whatever you decide will lead to another set of options. And this goes on and on for as long as you live. Life will present to you opportunities and it is up to you to decide what you want to make of them. Fate might have a part to play, but i believe it is mostly up to you. The decisions that you make.
And we will have to live with each and every one that we make..
Headlights - Cherry Tulips
Work's been ok. I get paid $5 to look out for people, and $1.50 for putting on the uniform. Being paid to walk isnt that bad. but it gets boring once you've gone around the platform countless of times, then i start going crazy taking pics, as much pics as my hp camera will allow which is 1. I finally found a blind spot on the platform where i can just sit and stone. No one minds me, i dont have to report to the in-charge, they let me do whatever i want, and only contact i have to make with the full-time staff is to sign in and out. Yeah, life is that great right now. Thats why ima go load my hp with great great music to keep me company while i work. Other than that, keep a mental picture of people who litter the type of litter and the time they litter. Maybe there's a connection, and i can do up a pie chart or something at the end of the month and get the title employee of the month. Everyone i talk to advises us to continue studying, at least a degree and i think ive been brainwashed. I will get a degree after NS. Let that be my safety barrier. I cant bear to go forward and confront pple who are feeding their babies and old ladies who spit. But they know i mean business when i smile, eventhough i cannot do nuts. Just sit & smile. 3 months.
Sit & smile... :D
Days bound by dreams
one's young adults always have
of places to see,
new experiences to be felt
Dreaming, like all young lovers
that the love will never fade
Memories still hold so much
Feelings have never been as such
Defining things the way we want to
Acting crazy, dancing to music in our head
Striking things off our imaginary to-do lists.
Laughing at jokes that only we get
Noticing details that others dont
Playing tag without a care in the world
Time flies really fast,
but there's no sense of regret
Things are the way they are
Some things will always remain
like the support we have
and that special kind of love
Sadness may overwhelm, from time to time
But they're like the seasons,
they never last long and they'll move on
A day may come,
where we totally surrender
but today's not that day
'cos we still dare to dream.
Secondhand Serenade - Tested and True
Sleep isnt suppose to be this hard,
love isnt suppose to hurt this much.
Untitled
I really hate myself right now. Feel free to join in.
I know how i still feel about her, but i just cannot let go of what has been said. It hangs over everything like a dark cloud. Everything i do, everything i see, everything i feel. I know im starting to close up again, when i shouldnt. But it's true, it is less painful this way. Having that numbness, where you're not happy and you're not that sad, but at least you have control over your emotions. At least you think you do. To have to make a sacrifice, just so that i can be safe from hurt.
I recognise this feeling and I hate it.
Cos i know im causing hurt to someone whom i really love.
Rachael Yamagata - River(Live at The Loft)
Its better to let go now, than to have to face the truth later. While we're still both thinking with our heads. Once the emotions come into play, it affects peoples' judgement. As i look back at everything that i've experienced and gone through... it's all in the past now, and it's best left there. And life will still have to go on.
As i made my way towards Esplanade library, i did what i'd usually do. People-watching. It calms me down, just like how fishes help some people to relax. Ive never felt more aware, taking everything in with each footstep. Maybe i was hoping to catch a hint of laughter or happiness from someone else, hoping to make some of it mine. Maybe i was envious of what they had.
Whatever the reason was, it doesn't matter now. I have to make my own happiness 'cos no one's going to do it for me. Ive learnt that before, now i just have to get my footing right.
I wish nothing but the best for her. I know Aust would give her that opportunity to really shine, provide her with an environment that S'pore could not. That much i know. Go for it, let nothing hold you back. We're there with you all the way. :)
The Academy Is... - Everything We Had
Finally got to know of a few new songs from my sister. Boy, i should really listen to the radio more. I think i'm just getting old. :)
Poly's finally over. It's been an eventful 3 years, all those sweet and bitter moments. Each moment a lesson, to reflect and think upon. But at the end of the day, we shouldnt dwell on anything for too long 'cos it's all in the past. What we have is here and now, and that is what we should have our minds on. How future opportunities can be used to our advantage.
Someone from eons ago, once said, the only constant is change. I know it's all good, it means the world is still the way it is, the same then as it is now; forever evolving. And i believe, the measure of a man, of how strong he really is... is not in his ability to defy, or to resist change. But it is in his ability as to how quickly he can adapt and embrace it.
*I told myself that this is going to be the last time ill be saying this. I love you... always. Remember that.*
JoJo - How To Touch A Girl
This was the first song she sang to me. While we were walking back from the mall, her hand in mine. Her voice made me feel really warm and good. And the best part was that she sang it 'cos she wanted to.
I'll never forget it. :)
Rachael Yamagata - Be be your love (Live at the Loft)
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love
But I want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything.
O'Jays - Love Train
Speaking of 'comfort zones'... :)
I used to think i had mine clearly defined. I had put so much thought into it, into this 'wall', that i figured mine would be impenetrable. The sad thing was that it wasnt so much as keeping everyone from getting in, but i was preventing myself from getting out. I was in effect, a prisoner.
It was much easier to avoid things you don't want to face at that moment, and just be oblivious to it. But it'll always catch up with you in the end, so sooner or later, you're going to have to face whatever it is biting at you. And you'd pray by then that your problems have not escalated to a point where it is out of your control. *Guys and procrastinators prolly can relate to this*
But now, i think i'm slowly stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm taking small little steps, and i have the missus to thank. I know some things are harder to change than others, like my ability to just suddenly become a recluse, but if there's one thing i'm glad, im glad i took the chance.
People all over the world
Join hands,
Start a love train, love train...
*purple is so not me, but i don't care 'cos i'm happy*
Socalled - You Are Never Alone
I've never been to the upper floors of the national library until recently. She brought me to the 7th level, to take a look at all the military journals. Lots of good stuff, it's a waste they dont let you loan the books.
She wasn't left in the cold, as she got to go through books related to her course in molecular biology and biotechnology. Complicated stuff, and she'll try to explain to me patiently the different cell structures and how stem cells are very useful as they form the basis of how different cells in our bodies are formed. I think im getting the hang of it. Im quite good with the combs-thing, after seeing her do the experiment just once.
I had fun doing something as simple as reading with her. I guess its the wanting to spend time together, no matter doing what. Our backs to each other, as we flipped through the pages. As always, i'd find the opportunity to distract her from her reading. Grab her attention, just for a moment. I can't help it. :)
And glass lifts heading to high floors still give me sweaty palms.
Modjo - Lady
Lady i just feel like
I won't get you out of my mind
I feel love for the first time
And i know that it is true
I can tell by the look in your eyes...
Peter, Bjorn & John - Young Folks
Biker chicks are fierce. My girlfriend rides a bike. I think she's really gung-ho fierce. I've told her time after time, if anyone messes with her, she'll prolly beat them senseless with their own shoe. That's why i dont dare mess with her.
Went shopping with her yesterday. She wanted to get some stuff, also make something for her colleagues. A whole lot of walking. I was satisfied with what we got, and the bears and x'mas trees came out really nice, though i warned her, i still cannot draw for nuts. Some things never change.
I love the missus a whole lot. :)
Eels - I Need Some Sleep
*still dressed in pajamas. her hair in a tangled mess. she looked absolutely perfect.*
Cobra Starship - Guilty Pleasure
Have you ever had a really bad day at work, everything go wrong, and can't wait to get in bed go to sleep and forget about it? Only to wake up and realize it was all a dream. It's bad enough they got your waking life for hourly wage, but now they get your dreams for free.
i got this off some website. Sad thing is, its true. I used to wake up in the morn asking my mum whether she wants a cab. :)
Went to catch 'Live the Dream' finals yesterday with the missus. She's been talking 'bout watching By Def live, and lucky me Jarrick's got contacts. Well, they rocked the night away. The screaming fans got to me, but we sure had fun.
Eels - Fresh Feeling
Holy hotpants! my jeans have a mind of their own. They keep on trying to expose me infront of the general public. Now that's not good, but that's not what i want to talk about today.
School smelt of butter popcorn yesterday, yummy but that's also totally off point.
Fresh feeling just makes you treasure all the little things in life a whole lot more. You just know that everything will be ok. Dont worry about the past, because tomorrow is here. The feeling when you have met someone and you're walking in the street like saying: "I don't care. The world might collapse, but I don't care, because I have you". The wind hitting on your face, thinking about her all the time, thinking how cool things are finally going. That is the fresh feeling. The only one that matters right now. The only one that really matters at all.
-Ernesto Sandoval
We Are Scientists - Nobody Move, Nobody Gets Hurt
Today's a beautiful day. I can feel it in the air. No one should be putting on the stink face. One guy did, i just gave him an extra wide smile. Walking to and from the mosque in a sea of colours. There was an added bounce in my stride. I think it's going to stay for quite some time. Everyone calm, happy and glowing. Yupp, it is going to be a beautiful day. And you played a part in all this. :)
Radiohead - High & Dry
Its the last day of the fasting month, and tmrw's Raya. Hmm... tomorrow's raya. My uncle asked me a few days back, 'what does Hari Raya mean to you?' I just sat there stunned. 'When Hari Raya means nothing to someone, that i think is the saddest day.' Cos that's one of the few days whereby you get to release all of the emotional baggage, seek for forgiveness and truly enjoy the company of family and friends. And everyone will look pretty darn good.
Cool. :)
*Selamat Hari Raya to everyone*
Eva Cassidy - Time After Time
I always enjoy covers done by Eva Cassidy. I never get bored of them. Right now, I hope the missus is having the sweetest of dreams. What i'd give to watch her sleep... I hope she knows that i'm always thinking of her. :)
Farrah - Fear of Flying
I shaved my beard away. I can just hear my Uncle heave a sigh of relief. ha ha. Had to keep my Raya promise, but its ok, she likes it clean. Met the boys last Sat, but not all could come down. Met Syiq and Dahliah for dinner yesterday at Waroeng Penyet. The sambal's goood, and the teh sorso tastes like old men's breath. Not that i've tasted old men before.
She still wanted to have dinner with me just now eventhough she didn't have much sleep the night before. Tuesday's waffles'day, just can't miss it. Asked her parents out too, since they were home. I think i did ok. She looked happy. Couldnt have asked for more. :)
Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming
I ride with pretty rad aunties in the back of the van after work. Sometimes, they'd pass me packets of nuts or tidbits. I hid the packet of nuts i got tonight under the seat belt. Hopefully some lucky kid finds it tomorrow when they take the van to school. Nothing like a monday morning surprise.
i'm going to surprise her later. i dont have school for this whole week. :)
Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark
The only good thing about tonight was her. She came down as a surprise at 7. She's getting the hang of it, surprises and all. We had dinner there on the sidewalk as people walked by. Us in our own little world. I still find it hard to concentrate on my food when she's around. I'm just bad at multi-tasking.
If i had known the evening was gonna be that bad, i would have stayed with her much longer. I should have taken up on her offer to kidnap me.
Don't worry, we'll get through this together. :)
The Great Spy Experiment - Class 'A' Love Affair
Went to Island Creamery with her in the evening. I was gunning for the ambience, and yes, the ice cream parlour delivered. They really should use light bulbs of a lower wattage though. She had the highly recommended teh tarik and apple pie ice cream, while i got reverso and banana. Reverso's like a choc-choc mix, and i actually wanted that with the best-seller pulut hitam ice cream but the lady at the counter said that wasn't such a good combination. Funny, it wasn't the ice cream that made my evening. :)
untitled.
Sometimes there is no song apt enough for what you're feeling. Maybe there is, but i just cant be bothered.
I pray for them. I pray that they all rot in prison, or worse.
I nearly forgot this one word. Deterrence. I ought to thank people like them. They act as a reminder, kind of like a slap to the face, at times when you start to let your guard down. They've only got me more motivated, more psyched up and i just cant wait. Thanks again. :)
Hellogoodbye - Baby, It's Fact
Just when i thought i was getting comfortable here, she comes along and pulls me out. :)
Click Five - I Think We're Alone Now
School starts this week. How fun, having to wake up at 7a.m. everyday for the next 4 months. Good luck to me. :)
Above is a picture of my sis drawn by a primary 2 kid. She's doing part-time teaching while waiting fer next year's poly intake. These little tykes can really draw. I'm ashamed, even now. One little girl even wrote her a letter. Complete with Disney's Belle/Ariel stickers.
Cute.
Ahh yes, the rabbit. You must never forget the rabbit.
Reading it just makes me laugh/smile. Them putting in this much effort makes the pieces priceless. I think it's the best gift a teacher can get.
I wish i could draw sea creatures like that. Look at my horse picture below and tell me how can i not be ashamed of myself. hah a.
Bird York - In The Deep
It's good to be back. The trip was a nice change and getting to interact with other backpackers from all over the world was great.
A few whom I'll never forget; the girl from Holland who helped me tie up the loose ends, the guy from New Zealand that taught me 'Jim Rummy' and how to snorkel, the friendly family that made my stay at their inn all the more enjoyable, the Korean dude that helped me appreciate fruits much more when he told me mangosteens were US$30 per kg in Seoul. Also, the French couple who were banging at my wall, cos i woke them up to Finch's 'What It Is to Burn' at 6 in the morn. ha ha.
I got to see rays, giant clams, rainbow-coloured fishes, parrot fish, barracudas. Last one made me go nearer to the shore. Swam with schools of fishes, but i did not go far out enough to see sharks or turtles cos i was snorkeling alone. Being safe.
I guess we're the only ones who are not exploring the beauty that is Asia. I'm bitten by the backpacking bug, and this is only the 1st of many trips to come. I'm already planning for my next trip, thinking of going further up north.
Ignore the phone, it does not work. At least not in Peninsula Malaysia anyways. And i hate swimming with fins. :)
The Go! Team - Ladyflash
What would your great escape be like? Ive wondered at times, how nice it'd be if i could just book a plane ticket to nowhere, and just go. Act on a spontaneous urge, once in a while, just to test how far each one of us would really go. The kick for me in all is really going into the unknown. There's still so many things to see and do.
But a plane ticket's a bit too expensive, so i'm planning something on a much smaller scale. Backpacking. Ima update when i get back in 3 weeks time. Wish me luck.
In the end, we will all laugh at gilded butterflies...
Ocean Colour Scene - Mechanical Wonder
The best time to drive is now. The rain just stopped, the cool night air is just right for winding the windows down. Everything was perfect, down to the music they were playing on the radio. I could have driven on and on. But i'm right here typing, instead of out there.
Maybe next time.
Texas - Say What You Want
my fav. scene from 'Fight Club'
Had some small talk with Art.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. says:
you know what...ive been slacking at home this past 2 weeks...when im suppose to be out and about having the greatest time of my life...
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
LMAO
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
same here okayy
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
you're not alone bro
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. says:
ha ha...joing the club bro...join the club...
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
?
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
what club>
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
HAH
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. says:
the 'waste-2-weeks-of-holidays-on-doing-pretty-much-nothing' club.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. says:
you honorary member.
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
HAHAHAH
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
=.=
† 志 ARTHUR 伟 † says:
i thought what club
Yeah, that's Art for you. By the way, he's having his TP test this friday. Wish him all the luck in the world. I'm sure he'd do great. *Go Art, Go!*
The Fray - Look After You
Just got back from work. Having a dizzy spell, and hungry as hell 'cos i skipped lunch and dinner. Couldn't entertain the idea of having prata again for dinner. ugh. Luckily there's spicy sardines at home. Now satisfied, ima blog a little about events after work.
The cab that i take whenever i go home on Sat is like a mini match-making agency. The kakak's and makcik's that i share the cab with would compare their nieces and nephews... who's single or who's in need of company. I'd just innocently listen in to their conversations. Ha ha. I'd say, leave the relationships for the kids to decide. There must be a reason as to why they're single, and it might not be because they're incapable.
Personally, i don't believe in match-making. Leaving your fate in the hands of someone else is the last thing that you'd wanna do. I can make my own decisions, thank you.
Well, thats it for tonight. I've got an early day tomorrow. Gd'night. :)
Btw, have a great time for the outing tmrw Dale. You cheeky monkey, you. Ha ha.
Frou Frou - Breathe In
I've always wanted to wiki this particular colour, but it slips my mind each time. Red. Something about the association of the colour red with raw emotions that intrigues me. Will read up more once i have the time, after the bloody CT is over. But here's a little snippet from wikipedia.
~In human colour psychology, red is associated with energy and blood, and emotions that stir the blood, including anger, passion and love.~
Cute Is What We Aim For - The Curse of Curves
Was suppose to go study with the guys after the paper just now, but i just had to leave. One of those 'just go' moments. Its been like that ever since the first year, i don't hang around after a paper. I guess i spend the night after on reflections. Don't know if they understand, but i think they're used to it.
I dont know what to make of alot of things at the moment. But i'll figure it out soon and rationalize everything. If not now, then during the 2 weeks term break. So ima have to let it bite at me for the moment.
Can't spend too much time on this, the next paper's on Wednesday. Onwards!
*A many thoughts coursing through my mind, but still i cannot help but feel blank. Completely empty.*
Rivermaya - 241 (my favourite song)
Just got back from work. Been babbling a whole lot this past 2 days. Its getting monotonous and very painful. Lucky there's Dya to save the day! haha. She's a gem for letting me park her car. I look forward to such trivial stuff every week.
I've had enough of talking to people on the phone at work, so this whole week's gonna be quiet for me. Ahh, having the daily papers all to myself during lunch time is the perfect remedy. I love my quiet moments.
A few updates... The guy with the R34 parked down my block has new rims and bodykit. Hott. The reason why the car was in a hiatus, was cos he was prettying it up. Now it looks damn pretty to me.
I got a little jealous a few days back. I was surprised too, its not like me to go green in the face. Hmm... there must be some underlying reason. Still trying to figure that one out.
Common test is in 2 weeks. Must drag my sorry bum back to the studying table soon. Oh ya, i now prefer to eat at SIM. The food's much better. And its also a matter of principle.
All in all, school's like a broken cassette recorder playing the same bit, over and over again.
So now, whats your story?
Tiny Television - What U'r Doin
Hello fid, is that a little grin i see at the side of your lips...
Ahh... how blissful can it get. Cool weather, minimal distractions, having all the time to myself. Today's gonna be a stupendously sweet day, but *shh* don't tell no one. Let this be my little secret. :)
The Killers - Read My Mind
I now have a little piece of Hong Kong in my room.
Courtesy of Alice.
Now how cool is that?
No Doubt - Bathwater
I used to wonder why i didn't belong in any of the 'pre-set' groups in school. I would try to join in, try and mix around, but it didn't feel right. I'd still feel empty inside, even when i was around people. So i'd jump from group to group, but still not really finding my place.
But one thing that was really easy to do, was being obnoxious. I once thought that all the vulgar, obnoxious kids were cool 'cos they were getting all the attention. *i know, what the eff was i thinking?* So i started to emulate them. Be a bad-ass, ya'know. I did a pretty good job lambasting everyone. But then this girl said something that really woke me up. She wasn't one who'd mince her words. "fir, you werent like this back then, what happened? You're so rude now. i prefer the you who was much nicer. we all do..." I think she was speaking for the whole group of girls in my class. It felt much worse than being given a tight slap.
*Be right back, choking on a bloody glucosamine pill*
Back. I finally realised that eventhough i was a total bore back then, they enjoyed the simple company. I had lost the ability to form clean, pure friendships. At the end of the day, we'd all like to know that we at least have a friend, this one friend, with whom we're free from our inhibitions. The ability to share, and not be judged.
I finally understood that i couldn't be a follower. I did not fit nor belong into the pre-set cliques. I am different. Sometimes you just need to follow one person. Yourself. It gets lonely at times. But i'm thankful that i'm being true to myself. Makes me a whole person, knowing i'm being who i want to be.
Never ever settle for anything less, 'cos there's just too much at stake. Your happiness. Your soul.
So yeah, the boring person that you knew back then. Don't worry, he's still here. :)
Nerina Pallot - Sophia
Just got a new phone today. A 6288, i think. I'm bad with phone models. When i just got the old 6280, i went to the nokia shop 'cos i wanted to get an expansion card. *didn't know it was called a mini-SD* So the salesgirl asked, "which phone model are you using?" Bewildered, i took out the phone, pointed to it and said "erm... this one?".
Was over the hills this morning, but i'm feeling different now. The song's haunting me. Note to self. Try to right all the wrongs.
Travis - Love Will Come Through
Back from work. What a day... Today was nice, everyone was in high spirits. Talked with the makciks, 'bout their past experiences. Great stuff to listen to when you've got nothing else to do. Had a nice chat with Dee during break, since we thought we were broke. Dee likes to talk funny. She'd invent her own words. ha ha. I laugh everytime i think about it. *'harrey davirrshen' was a slip of the tongue.* :)
I went to work happy today cos i got my recharge. Went to my grandma's place in the morn, just to see my youngest baby cousin. She was there for a visit. Even if i only had half an hour to spare, it was enough. That little girl just has so much love in her. Melts me everytime. The little palm. The almond brown eyes. The snow white skin. The toothless grin. Mucho loves. Gave her a good many kisses, before i had to drag myself off to work. W-o-r-k...
Fratellis - Whistle For The Choir
Today was surprisingly fun. A last minute affair, but it all went great. Got a message from Alice while walking home. Changi Beach? Sounds spontaneously rad. Didn't have enough time to pack my beach ball and straw hat though.
It was still blistering hot and humid on the way to the beach. Got us 2 ice cold coconuts while at the hawker centre. Ahh, nothing better than an ice cold coconut on a sunny day by the beach. Love it.
She was just sitting there, taking in the atmosphere. Fun was definitely in the air. There were lots of families today. Seeing little kids play by the beach was infectious. We mostly just talked, cracked jokes and stuff. Then played by the shoreline for abit. Its been so long since i had wet sand between my toes. Almost forgot what it felt like. Bliss.
We were so not prepared for a swim, but it felt so inviting. Just dipped our feet, while the waves erased away fresh footprints just made in the sand. Actually thought of building a bridge, but we stopped once we found out we were digging up worms. Hilarious reactions ensued. I'll bring a spade next time, instead of improvising with half of the get-a-toy-in-a-plastic-ball-for-1-dollar receptacle. The weather in the late afternoon couldn't have been better. The evening sky was a nice hue of orange, and the gentle sea breeze had a calming effect. We went off once it got dark.
And emi's right, cameras are the reason we take moments like this for granted. So i'm just going to commit the pictures to memory.
Thanks for the donuts. They made my week. Love 'em.