Thanks for making it better

XX

First I woke up and I wanted to tell everybody I love how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

Then I want to eat. And eat and eat and eat.

A while later I want to kill every single living organism in sight. Every single one of them.

And now I just want to hide under my blankets and fucking cry.

UGHHHHHH:(

That smile on your face
And tears in your eyes
Make you look even more beautiful than usual
Hope you enjoyed yesterday Cheryl<3

Hands clasped tight
Hearts intertwined
No me or you, instead,
Monolithical
Happy 2 months<33

Anyone read the horoscopes on Friday? Actually even if you did I doubt you'd have read Taurus

But anyway, here is a summary: your ability to express your feelings in words have peaked so take the change to talk to your sweetie or solve any awkwardness between friends.

If THIS is the peak, I don't wanna know what it's like when it's at the bottom of the abyss

Because I'm so bad with my words it's not even possible. Either I get overly careful with what I say and look deliberate, or rant non stop and look like a loudmouth asshole. Either ways.. Not cool.

I wish I'm one of them people who can say what they feel and others will understand exactly how they feel.

This is generally how conversations between me and Cheryl/Anisha go:

Me: Which was why I couldn't have, yknow, it's just damn hard like.. Aiya you know what I mean right?
C/A: Ya sameeee it's like the -hand gestures- you get it right!!

Which is pretty lulz but we get the message across lol

Thing is, I know I will meet people in the outside world who will ask me how I feel about certain issues or ask me to tell them how exactly I feel. And sometimes even the people closest to me will ask me that too. And I have the amazing ability to come across as something I never wanted to be:(

Sometimes I can't tell people how I truly feel not because I don't know why (I do know why deep down), not because I don't trust them, not because I do things without a purpose, but because I can't find the right words to make them understand. And more often than not, I say the wrong things and come across as some major.. Aiya I don't know how to put it across so I'll use the words of Jessie J from, surprise surprise, Nobody's Perfect

When I'm nervous I have this thing yeah I talk too much
Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
And that's where I seem to fuck up
I forget about the consequences, for a minute there I lose my senses
And in the heat of the moment my mouth's starts going the words start flowing
VERBAL DIARRHEA

But it doesn't stop me from trying because I know if those people truly want to know who I am and understand me, they will still get the message no matter what. (I added in verbal diarrhea by myself if you still haven't listened to that song) (but can you just imagine her screaming that!! HAHAHA)

Anyway my facebook's deactivated!

Still in love with Jessie J's Nobody's Perfect

Please go listen to it, I think it teaches people a lot on what it takes to love and to be loved- in order to earn the latter you must do the former, yet it's not enough.

And I hate that I made you think
That the trust we had is broken

If your intentions could be misinterpreted by others, could it be that you have allowed that possibility to have existed in the first place? Do you have the power to prevent it from happening?

I know it's time that I learned to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learned

Seriously this song is SATURATED with learning points. And I love songs like this compared to Judas or something, it's a nice song but beyond that, nah.

It's one of those reflective nights again.

Something very meaningful that linked to what I was talking about earlier

ailment

[eyl-muhnt]

ehhhh-murnt.

You know that feeling when you get really really really smart thoughts but you can't express yourself and look like a blithering blabbering idiot?

Yeah I don't get that.

Forgive the people who has hurt you but don't forget what it taught you

This should be my philosophy in life. Or maybe I should submit it to some sinrpirational quotes shiz online so that other people can keep that in mind too.

It was my mistake to have thought I have gotten over what happened nearly a fifth of a decade ago, and forgot to apply that lesson in my daily decisions from when it happened up to now. It was so fresh, like a scar that was forced to reopen with the same blunt blade that cut you.

"You may lose the relationships you have with your friends but don't ever lose the one with yourself"

You are the unicorn teardrop in a large sea

Thank you because I know it isn't easy♥

Something in his deep brown eyes has me saying
He's not all bad like his reputation
And I can't hear one single word they say
<3

Me: Omygosh Amy Winehouse died.
Mom: Who??
Me: Amy Winehouse.
Mom: Who died?!?
Me: Amy. Winehouse.
Mom: Amy WHO? Died?
Me: Wineee houseee.
Mom: Oh. Who is she?

So fill your heart with what's important, and be done with all the rest.
We are what's left of what we once were
We are falling far behind.
There's so much stacking up against us and we're running out of time.

The countdown begins
And the mad rush starts

Lee Cheryl says:
OMG PIGS ARE FLYING TODAY
YOU ARE ONLINE
♥amanda; says:
eh i think i'm bi
Lee Cheryl says:
OMG
what makes u think so sia
♥amanda; says:
cos today i was talking to my friend then he say his sis is bi
then omg i realised
maybe i am too
like i wanna hug you sometimes
like
AHH IDKKK
Lee Cheryl says:
LOL WHUT
omg hugging
is a girls thing
doesnt mean u are bi!
♥amanda; says:
I HOPE SOOOOOO
ohdearrr
Lee Cheryl says:
hahah
ANW
IF U ARE BI I WILL STILL LOVE U DONT WORRY hahaha
as long as u dont try to do some ____________
♥amanda; says:
AWWWWW OMG THAT'S SO SWEET THANKS <3
ya actually i also dunno unless i ____________
HAHAHAHA
Lee Cheryl says:
HAHAHAHAHA


Some parts had to be censored cos of some explicit content.. oh dear she's not even 18 lolol

"In the recent Part A Battlefield Trail held on 18 July 2011, our Part As did the unit proud by achieving great results.

They were involved in the Amazing Race, which involved answering questions on World War II. After the tough race, we are pleased that they have clinched BOTH the 2ND and 3RD awards! (:"

LOL wtf is a Battlefield Trail???????? But anyway great job~

HPDH2 is a very very great and touching movie, but watch it if you have read the book (otherwise you won't understand like poor Zixuan hahah)

Quite alot of couples went to watch it, and all the girls in my row cried hahah. Okay this woman on my left was sitting alone and she started crying even before the sad part and she sniffled damn loudly omg I saw alot of people downstairs turning around to catch a glimpse of tears

SPOILER ALERT~ Which is kinda irrelevant because if you read the book you would have already known what's going on

When Remus and Tonks died and they were side by side and their fingers were freaking outstretched towards each other DAMN HEARTBREAKING OMG I DIED

Anyway, I find it highly intriguing how bros work. Take this for example:

A: Eh come check the slides la!
B: No need check, I saw already
A: Fuck you it's new slides la!
C: Eh you coming my house for dinner not?
B: K whatever. C, you doing conclusion?
C: Eh fuck you la I asking you about dinner right?
B: You fuckface I asking you about conclusion!!!

-throw in more expletives and middle fingers-

Me: Omg chill la!

And the answer was: That's how bros work.

LOL

Cool hor

Cheryl: Do you know someone called Hiok Yang?
Me: Yeah why?
Cheryl: My tuition tchr was teaching him before she came out then she asked me if I knew him.. His eyes quite small right!
Me: Not really his eyes quite big and nice
Cheryl: Maybe it's another Hiok Yang..
Me: Nah cannot be la! I heard his ass super nice and hard..(py told me lol)
Cheryl: Yeah..
Me/Anisha: O_O DID YOU JUST AGREE HAHAHA

Lol welcome to the dark side Cheryl
We have fucking good cookies here

Who do you think you are?
Running around leaving scars

Too easily affected by other's moods to a point of ludicrosity
Wish I can tie a helium balloon to that stone pressing against my lungs, it's getting harder to breathe

She's in line at the door with her head held high
Holding a bag of TGIFriday's potato skin chips

Sour cream and onion is really good

I am extraordinarily angsty today

Even though I am not a hardcore Dong Yi fan, and i am completely aware that it is but a ficitious show, but I felt quite sad when she was just holding on to her dead baby and mourning over his death. Which mother could stand losing her baby? Her baby that she has expected to grow up to a fine young man, ready to rule the country?

And all my sis can say is, "Yay her baby died!" "Everyone cry for what.." or "Her nose quite big"

LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. Maybe she is completely devoid of human compassion. I may not have lost my own child or even a close relative, for which I am so thankful, and I may not be able to fully understand the heartache she is going through, but I know what it's like to lose something you hold close to your heart. Maybe my sis is lucky in a way that she hasn't lost anything precious to her. But still.

"I do not wish to lose any other things that are precious to me." - Dong Yi

And sorry to the people who I was angsty too today, like to Des/Cui Er who were next to me when three loudmouths were talking so goddamn loudly and I just wanna turn around and stuff the physics worksheet into their mouths (okay they were angsty too but I have lower tolerance heh) and to py when he was forcing me to do math for my own good:(

SORRY BBS.

Must recharge during this long weekend. My tolerance level always tethers at the edge whenever the end of the week rolls along.

Banghra dancing today was quite fun/funny, watching over enthusiastic people jiggle their bodies like a pro and realising how little coordination I have

And the banghra dancer is like super freaking strong, he carried Billy and started spinning around like some helicopter (I wouldn't be surprised if they both started flying up a la Dance Flick)

He is obviously not the most sagacious, he thinks I'm good at dancing. HAH. Maybe Cheryl and I will take it as an after As activity hahaha, together with our Muay Thai classes~

Sometimes I feel so misunderstood
Hurts to know even now I've to question myself if you trust me

So super sunburnt from today!

Of walking on defunct railways, hopping on random buses and exploring the unknowns(:

Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper

Ben; Quite tart to knock out your whole body when they're only doing your mouth lol
Cheryl; I think you do dear! But I think they'd advice you not to. Besides, you're only removing 2 wisdom teeth so I don't think it'd be that bad:D

Amanda's tips on how to stay cheerful after an upset!

1. Surround yourself with people who are willing to talk about what you can improve on/cheer you up
2. Avoid people like JR who only talks about mothers and how he wants to row a kayak into her ass
3. Do a face mask! The black kind that peels off when it's dried. It's pretty cathartic, like all your sadness peels off too!
4. Avoid your sister especially when she is supposedly coming out of the closet on you
5. Eat cassava chips! Two bags ready to be devoured after dinner
6. Laugh it off~
7. Believe in the conservation of happiness, try not too be too happy or you'll be too sad later

Removing your wisdom teeth when you're young is a wise thing to do when you wise up to the fact that your gums harden with age.

I remember that fateful day so distinctly, I was lying down strapped down to a surgical bed, helpless to the nurse that asked me to open my mouth.

Okay maybe i wasn't strapped. But you get the idea.

So i was just lying there helpless while the nurse prepared 3 -THREE!- needles filled with anaesthesia and he tapped the syringe and stuff.

Him: it's gonna hurt a little.
Me: uurghay.
-injects-
Me: WHAT THE FUCK

Evidently I couldn't say that cos they put some white thing on my lips to keep me from snapping my jaw on the poor nurse's fingers (we have a bite force of 500kg, apparently) but I made my discomfort inevident by screaming within

Then came the next injection

It didn't hurt as much, so (Y)! Both were injected on the inside of my gums. The third one was on the outside of the gums and I just felt motion but no pain.

Nurse: -pokes using some long rod thing- does it hurt?
Me: uh uh (=no)
Nurse: what about now? (he poked the other side pretty hard and it was a freaking sharp needle wtf)
Me: ARGGGAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nurse: Aha the anaesthesia works!
Me: -thinking- good job you want a gold star???

Even though you couldn't feel pain but it doesn't mean your other senses are not on high alert. You see all that instruments, it looks like something out of a Final Destination movie. And he put a chainsaw in my mouth or some sort of jackhammer and started pounding my teeth, it didn't hurt but the vibrations were HORRIBLE, my brain was jiggling in my skull for nearly 10 minutes.

After the doctor is done with mutilating my mouth (it sure felt that way), he cotton padded that part and handed me, somewhat triumphantly, a little bag with a little wisdom tooth.

AND A SLAB OF MY GUM.

Which means they sliced the top of my gum off, remove the tooth and thought that lump of gum would be a good souvenir. The best souvenir has gotta be the swelling on the left side of my cheek, making me look so beautifully asymmetrical for a week and more!

So yes Cheryl have fun this Wednesday:D can't wait to hear all about it from you!

Kinda feel like a horrible human being for only eating the reddest parts of the watermelon cubes but >:D

J'veux ton amour
Et je veux ton revenge

Actually, I never was a girl that cried at things. I'm always used to keeping it in and not showing it unless it's really like the Three Gorges Dam breaking down then the floodgates open and Orchard Road floods and Wendy's has to close down and stuff.

I don't think I've even cried until my face was all blotchy and red and swollen like that girl in the Willy Wonka show, except that I'm like a blown up cranberry.

Speaking of cranberries, the Chocolat n' Spice (some DAMN nice muffin place, it has amazing coffeewalnut as well as chocolate muffins too) cranberry muffins has a freaking hell lot of cranberries inside yay♥

But anyway, the point I'm making is that just because someone seems to cry a lot, it doesn't mean that the next time you see her cry, you'll just be like "she cries so much anyway, it doesn't matter" because I'm pretty sure it'll still hurt for her.

I remember I used to not be able to spell your name (I'd spell it adrain) heh

p.s. Dear Me, thankyouuu♥♥
(great now I sound like some egoistical bag of ego hahaha but IZ OKAY just4u:D )

Harry Potter:
What if after everything that I've been through, something's gone wrong inside me? What if I'm becoming bad?

Dumbledore:
It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain

It's true, it's like talking to the world, I don't even know who my audience are heh. I bet if I deleted my blog barely anyone would notice. Okay, maybe except labbie and Cheryl who are keeping this alive hahaha.

Hahahaha Labbie so I must resort to posting your pix to know that you're alive?? No thanks for not replying my email!!!!:(

Some people tell you to be yourself, then judge you. I guess it's because they know you're an unique individual, and are just afraid that if you're like someone else (or be like them), they can't judge you otherwise it'd be like they're judging themselves.

So if people choose to judge you and tell your life story, what you do is just to brave a smile to tell them that you DGAF, it's the best (/only) shield you have against their sharp barbs. Sooner or later, fortunately or unfortunately, you'll get numb to it all.

I wish I can tie you up in my shoes so you can feel unpretty too

You're in a position to make people feel unpretty inside but you don't have to do that, because it not only makes you unpretty inside, it makes you a heinous hideous beast.

Also, know that people are in no position to make you feel unpretty because you're beautiful<3

I have absolutely no basis to overthink what people say and worry about what might happen when it might not even happen. Why bother trying to dissect the situation? This is pretty ridiculous of me.

Maybe I should just go sleep it off.

So we're up for some Banghra dancing next Thursday

People watching should be pretty fun

If junyang danced with as much enthusiasm as during handball sessions, my lulz would be complete

Maybe someone saw that Bryce post and told him about it

WHY ELSE WOULD HE DO THAT ON PURPOSE

Zz

Some lessons in life

Don't be that bitch who calls others a bitch because it takes a bitch to know another bitch

When your heart no longer desires
Your house is just a house to you

Hahahah 查宇誠 looks like Bryce!!!!!!!!!

韓以風:Girls should be like 美樂, clean and pure (LOL idk anyhow translate one), down-to-earth and not at all full of antics
韓以烈:Sounds like a kiwi.. Hairy on the outside, sour and sweet on the inside. (WHICH IS QUITE FUNNY HAHAHA) Is that what you like about her?
以風: That's not all, she's very efficient and smart, it's as if if the sky were to collaspe, she will be able to hold it up.
以烈: That sounds like how I want my secretary to be..
以風: She's a very good housekeeper, she can whip up amazing dishes for my friends. I feel safe having her around.
以烈: An excellent maid can do that. As long as you have money, you can invite a 5-star chef to your kitchen, there's no problem.
以風: Obviously, if you want to put it that way, I've got nothing else to say. But in this day and age, where're you going to find such a girl so gentle and caring, yet willing to wholeheartedly serve you as well as your family as well as she can?
以烈: After so long, all I've got is how she's a very useful person. Let me ask you, do you like her as a person or her capabilities?
以風: I.. What kind of question is that? I obviously like.. like her as a person.

Love is a word easily said but not easily felt. Don't say you love someone unless you really mean it. It goes out to all the boys who confuse love with any other feelings except that.

NB: This is just a post about how I feel about people like 以風, who I'm sure is a very nice person but just confused, NOT about my life/my bf/my feelings

起初 相信爱的路 终点是指向幸福
才会一而再的选择让步
心疼自己的无助

无辜 你拿手演出 终于我可以麻木
挥霍多少时间 折磨多少痛苦
才累积出的领悟

忍住不哭 我要忍住不哭
望向天空不让眼泪流出
抬头看进云深处 等待那日出
不能认输因为我相信 彩虹总跟着薄雾
会带来幸福 在下一个叉路

My favourite lines from Love Keeps Going's OST不哭♥

♥♥♥
This woman in front (:

There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them.

Random musings from my late night conversations and from moments of silences contemplating about life and it's moments

Anyone who knew me then and now would probably said I changed a lot
Saying fuck more freely as an expression of intensity; intense fucking joy or feeling fucking stressed

Somehow freaking doesn't cut it at such moments

Over the past few years, my views on life have changed and I became more aware of myself as a person, no longer having the urge to be the quiet docile mouse I've learnt to become for the first 13 years of my life

Even my boy admitted he wouldn't have liked me if he knew me back then

Who would like someone with so many secrets to hide? Someone who don't dare to be herself, feeling the intense pressure to fit with social norms to be that RGS girl that the public identifies with?

The escapade from dearths of emotional skepticism
Right into the arms of a lover

Ohwellz
Time to stop musing about life
There is nothing amusing to be thought

Page 160! A new record! TROLLOLOL

On page 102 on tumblr and still scrollin'

The Danish bread from Bakerzin is really damn good

3 slices and counting

Hahaha I didn't know Sleeping Beauty has a name

Too vulgar for my own good

"It's funny how we find ourselves wanting to run back to the ones we used to love, for some reason, thinking it will turn out differently a second time."