not a shred of life. i'm scaring myself.

Celine:
I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like...this! You know.
People just have an affair, or even entire relationships.
They break up and they forget!
They move on like they would have changed a brand of cereal!
I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with.
Because each person have you know, specific qualities.
You can never replace anyone.
What is lost is lost.
Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me.
I haven't fully recovered.

Like I'm obsessed with little things.
Maybe I'm crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school.
One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or ants, crossing the road. The way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk.
Little things.
I think it's the same with people.
I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

I didn't log out from Blogger!! But what happens really if you don't??

Today I had planned to take advantage of my class-free morning by taking a jog round the neighbourhood before getting a head start on the studying. Both of which I somehow failed to accomplish. Yes surprising, indeed. Well I started jogging and then at about the 10 minute mark my lungs couldn't take in anymore cold air so I walked. And then the lactic acid started building up which was around the same time that I started cursing myself for ever being so naive to think I could accomplish such an impossible task. I laugh at my sad life.

Anyways, I collected my ticket today! I can't wait (: Can we skip the whole exam thing and go to er, well, the holiday thing? K, thanks.

- Alone at home. Abg Ridwan and kakak have head off to Mount Gambia.

- Spent the earlier part of the evening washing dishes and singing along to the songs that were playing through my lappie which I have now decided to call Potato. (Do NOT question my decisions) So I'm officially introducing him to the internet community. Alright Internet community, meet Fred Potato.

- Mum called to check on me. I miss her. Happy Mothers' Day, Ma <3

- Ended the call and proceeded to make dinner to be eaten in front of the tele to catch... MASTERCHEF. Recipe for obesity! (:

- Mood uplifted.

- I should add in the time down to the very last second.

Bones, sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
And homes, places we've grown,
All of us are done for.

And we live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world,

Bones, sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
And homes, places we've grown,
All of us are done for.

And we live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.

Oh, all that I know,
There's nothing here to run from,
Cause, yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

Reasons why missing home gets a little less hard:

1. There may be a million and one things to get done and sometimes it gets so hard you feel like you want to shut it all out. But if you brace yourself and know in your heart that it's within the human capacity to be able to withstand whatever it is you're going through, you'll survive. We're all living proof that YOU WILL survive (: Plus, I'm beginning to acknowledge that I like what I'm doing right now. It's truth and knowledge. How can I decline?

2. It's beautiful here. I won't deny that. No it's not white supremacy or brain-washing talking. The landscapes are breathtaking. Everytime I get a little break or a few minutes before lectures, I'd walk slowly to the theatre to steal glances at the horizon from the top of the campus.

3. FOOD. enough said.
I'm getting fatter. That I'm not proud of. Raw products here are so good and fresh, it makes your cooking taste so good. Well, on top of that my sister's a pretty good cook so...

4. The pace of life here is just nice.

5. People and experiences I would never have had if I had just been stuck in my own little bubble.

6. I've got my sister and my brother-in-law. It felt like I was missing her for a huge bulk of my teen years. And this somehow makes up for it. And for that, dear God, I am thankful (:

we made full use of our ready made puff pastry.
1. chocolate filled mini croissants

2. apple & nectarine turnovers

3. tuna and corn pie which i didn't photograph because i was too hungry and thought it would be more feasible to eat it instead
accompanied by an entire collection of films to keep us company for the long weekend (:


now that's a holiday.

Ill update soon. Promise.
Though I doubt anyone's reading so who am I addressing, really?

i'm learning to not let it get to me - not the tactless comments or the general taunting. maybe she fears something that we both can't quite comprehend or grasp. or maybe she just wants to hurt me. i'd rather believe not. i have faith that someday she'll make sense of it all but now's not the time. we've build this relationship, trodding through all the rough patches. our journey is still long and there's so much ahead of us. if it's meant to be, it will be. but for now we're just going give this a try, alright? and be oblivious to everyone else's cruel intentions. i've got you and you've got me. that's enough for now.

Tomorrow marks the end of another year; a closing chapter in yet another phase of our lives. I must say this year passed really quickly and rather unknowingly. While it was filled with its rocky bits of failure, heartache, aimless-ness and loneliness, it had its special moments too. Not big moments but special nonetheless. I'm thankful that this year having taken a break from school, I've managed to spend some time with my family. It's almost like making up for all those school years slogging away unnecessarily and well just growing up too fast. I've been blessed with such a great family and a wonderful set of friends. And I couldn't ask for more :)

As I embark on a new journey in a foreign land, I think it's time to be a little more independent, determined, daring and never forgetting to live a little everyday. It's going to be a fresh start. And as much as I'm scared out of my wits of the uncertain future, I should be optimistic and brave because what's in store I believe, is going to be one hell of an adventure ;)

Last note to self, set lower expectations to prevent subjecting yourself to impending self-destruction and doom. Hahaha. But really, some things are better left unplanned and it's just a softer blow to the heart to not always expect every good deed and intention to be reciprocated.

It's a little early but Happy New Year everyone. Let us be better individuals in this coming year :)

I spent an entire day with my family. And I surprisingly enjoyed it. No, didn't plan an escape route or locked myself in the room all day to occupy myself with stupid thoughts. I stuck with them like glue till the very freakin end. Which is how it should be.

So yea, the morning started with my dad and brother discovering the wonders of Google Earth. It was fun to bask in their excitement and enthusiasm for this Google-creation. They practically searched the addresses of the every person we know. I pride myself for having introduced it to them.

After a morning of internet madness we (excluding the dad) were off to the library where we spent reading in the 'quiet' corners of the children's section because apparently people don't make seats for adults - only midgets and half-humans.

Then parkway parade for pretzels.

I know all these sounds pretty mundane and I'm starting to write like those people who keep logs and tabs on what they do every second and every minute of their every day. But I think I'm writing this down more as a reminder to myself more than anything else.

Humour heightens our sense of survival and preserves our sanity...So are these written over thirty years ago. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without those qualities life would be violent and all would be lost... (Portions of the speech made by Jack Lemmon before Charlie Chaplin received his honorary Oscar)

GRYPHONS <18> !eruzA!@Tox!f!ed o( The only hard day was yesterday o(De!f!xoT@!Deathdefying! says:
are u all meeting?

kalyisah is hungry. says:
not confirmed. but youve already decided not to meet

GRYPHONS <18> !eruzA!@Tox!f!ed o( The only hard day was yesterday o(De!f!xoT@!Deathdefying! says:
i dun mind meeting....LIYUE LOL

kalyisah is hungry. says:
geez

I don't know many Asian authors. At the top of my head, I can only name of a few right now; Ming Fong Ho, Catherine Lim, Anita Desai, Amy Tan (whose novels i think are very whiny), Arundhati Roy er... Yea see. Can someone please recommend some good novels by Asian authors? There are only 2 books that I actually like from the list of authors (points to the left) is Following the Wrong God Home by Catherine Lim and The Village by The Sea by Anita Desai. I'm pretty sure there's more good Asian lit out there right? I'm just not in the know.

I'm back at work after a week off. I'm not sure as to whether there's anything I actually miss about working. The travelling is far too long and boring to point that it feels almost all too unnecessary to go to work on some days. The work pile is non-existent. Hah, I pretend to feel bad that I surf the net and daydream everyday. The people. Hmm. The people... With the exception of some very questionable characters, most of them are relatively decent and friendly. Okaay, pretty decent work environment.

Today I was having mixed feelings about going to work for the fear that there wouldn't be anything productive to do a.k.a. BOREDOM and the risk of ever crossing paths with someone I've been trying to avoid any form of contact with (who also happens to be a strong motivation for me to take the break in the first place. ok, kidding) BUT then I can't keep rotting at home! I'll turn into a couch potato who fills her stomach like a bottomless pit which by the way would be detrimental to my emotional well-being and waistline. Depression and obesity are not a good mix. Peanut butter and jam however, are. Meh

Since I've officially passed the 1-month-blog-hiatus mark, I think we should keep up with the updating, yea.

Big moments in point form:

(1) Sister's wedding :) Congrats kak.
(2) Weekend meet-ups with the usual.
(3) Nabil's birth! A new addition to the extended family. He's so adorable and charming. This one's gonna break hearts ;)


(PS: To whoever who left the a Snickers bar on my keyboard, thanks. Great now my strictly no-snacking diet is ruined ;) But no seriously, I appreciate it.)

Because playgrounds are fun...