fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

keeper of my soul
holder of my heart

swinging like a chest drain
oscillating like a pendulum
and the likes

shopping on asos
and going back to the dfo tomorrow
long drive and all

26 days to melbourne and
4 months to singapore
dee will be in melbourne when i am!

so far i'm having
brunch with nike on friday
lifegroup friday night
church on sunday
daniel (wong) wants to meet for a meal
at some point (but that may be weird)
i'm assuming brunch with tae on monday
we'll try a new place :)

i have to work on good friday
but that means 2x pay

showered my cats without getting scratched!
their necks have gotten too fat for their collars
or their collars have shrunk

waiting for
- cat collars
- lanastepul dress
- heidilouise sandals
- felting kit
- asos order
- jetstar ticket to be confirmed

that is a lot of money
yet i'm going out to spend more tomorrow
let's just call it a
celebratory end of surg splurge :)
i should be getting paid for a ton of overtime next week

catching up with old friends
giving them a prod

it's past 8 and the phone hasn't rung :)


went to mooloolaba last night and sat with the rest on the grass by the beach for a while. then eve and i went to find food. ended up having pizza while everyone else had alcohol. no alcohol for me. not even cider, because i'm holding the R1 phone. :(

was talking to tae some more and he offered to let me stay in his apartment! :) he's only going to be back on sunday night anyway. and he says i can drive his car! ;p so i offered to go pick him up from the airport haha. yeay.

booked my tickets! arriving in melb at 10.05pm on 26th april and flying off at 6.40pm on 30th april. :) i have no idea what i'm going to do on friday but i suppose i can just wander around..

drove all the way to brisbane dfo to shop... only to realise that i didn't bring my wallet. D: like charmie's chaddy vip sale experience.. except that this cost me 2.5 hours of driving. zzz. contemplating going back there tomorrow or monday. but i'll probably need some v to keep me awake.

the phone has not rung! :)

i feel like i'm on holiday, i don't want to go to work on tuesday.


and just like that, it's over. yay! ;p

long day. but i didn't feel as sick, so it wasn't so bad. also, we discharged the grumpy old lady and the 21yo guy was happier today. and i managed to find the evasive holter monitor report!! after calling like 5 different places/ people.

going out to celebrate the end of surg! waiting for adam and eve to pick me up. ;p contemplating switching back to my old ns specs because the raybans give me a headache (they probably weigh 4x what the ns specs weigh).

i have the R1 phone. praying that it doesn't ring.

etsy dress has been shipped! :D hehe. shall wait with bated breath. ;p

poring over my roster trying to find another weekend to go back to melb because tae's going to paris. but any other weekend would involve major swaps and it's not nice to ask people to work the weekend. though saturday's pay is 1.5x and sunday's is 2x.

switching back to the ns specs.


longest week everrrr. woke up with a sore throat and wanted to call in sick. as usual, thursdays are my most hated days.

dr hansen was in clinic before me! but pam must have told him i was busy doing ward jobs so he didn't scream at me heh. 14 patients and 4 doctors in clinic. not bad at all. dr hansen was even fine with me running up to the ward to do a couple of jobs in the middle of clinic. and when he found out it's my last week he complimented me too. :) said that when i'd first started i was more nervous than the patient we'd just seen. seriously, no one could be more nervous than that patient. she'd had a skin lesion cut out of her forearm and histo showed that it was a melanoma, so she had to have it re-excised. she nearly started to hyperventilate when dr hansen told her that registrars do the simple surgeries here. -.-

felt like i was going to faint in mdt. i think it was just that the room was stuffy.. nearly asked scott to present my hansen patients and walked out. but didn't. think it was just the stuffy room, cos i felt a bit better when i went out.

am starting to get really sick of some of my patients. one grumpy old woman who refuses to do anything and just lies in bed all day. we were planning to send her back to her low level care hostel but physio isn't happy for that so we were going to send her to rehab (i already made the referral). but then she said she doesn't want to go to rehab. -.- and refused to finish the MMSE. zzz. and the 21yo with cancer. swearing at phlebotomists and nurses and EVERYONE all the time. mark the 1C num was all ready to go in with me to ask about his pain but i didn't want to go in. so i got mac to go in instead. it was after all a urology problem. but seriously, i don't even want to go and see those people anymore. so annoying.

i think i'm more cranky because i'm sick too. i shouldn't even be here but i am and you're making my life so difficult!! i hope lee knocked some sense into the grumpy old woman. lee was nice this afternoon and let me go home while she did the round herself! she was probably either feeling guilty about making me wait till 6.15 or didn't want to get told off for making interns claim overtime. but she did ask me to make sure i claimed for today. which i am doing.

pam's gone up to townsville for her goddaughter's christening. she gave me a hug before she left haha.

must remember to ask ratna/ thushara about being one of my referees for my GP application. was talking to my father about it and he thinks i should just go ahead and do it. i think that's just cos that means i'm not quitting med, ha.

was complaining to eve about my annoying patients. she said, "what do we do if we get annoying patients like these in our GP practices? i think i'd just be rude to them and hope they never come back!" and after mdt we were like, we should just call in sick tomorrow. we are, after all, sick. i really wanted to steal a tissue box and carry it around with me all day. but i couldn't find one. "come over, we'll drink soup and watch movies all day!" i wish.

one last day though. one last day to do my jobs and turf everything else off to gen, who comes on next. then we're going out for dinner/ drinks tomorrow evening. i hope i don't have to stay late. or worse, get called back for ward call. and even though it's our last day, no one is baking. we're all too sick and too over surg. emily said she'll bring in a cheesecake though. from the cheesecake factory.

really tired goodnight.


rainbows are very distracting on my drives home. especially when they are full double rainbows. :) but seriously, i think i could get into an accident one day if i keep looking at rainbows while driving.

wednesday feels like friday because i've done my end of term assessment! yeay! :D and also it was a generally good day. finished my ward jobs before clinic started, ratna's clinic list was exceptionally short, did my assessment (and passed) (and got good comments), went for intern handover lunch and gave the new intern a surg tour, did an early afternoon round, and left on time! :)

two days to go! and caloundra dem sounds cruisey. :) cloun town, they call it. i suppose i'll constantly be ringing up the regs here anyway because nothing happens at caloundra (meaning we'll transfer most of our patients out). they don't even have a path lab?! but at least they have an iSTAT machine. but it sounds good. eve and i went to steal tourniquets from 1C because apparently they've done away with tourniquets in cal dem and they use those stupid elastic things.

was looking at my roster properly and am thinking of swapping one shift with eve and going back to melb from 27-30 april. maybe? friday to monday. that would mean working 7 days in a row, but that isn't so bad i suppose. shall ask eve tomorrow. and keith has offered me the spare room in the other cambro house haha. it'll be weird to be in melbourne without Skype. i feel so lazy just thinking about taking public transport. :|

just bought a pair of leather sandals off etsy.. i can imagine changing into them after cheryl's wedding haha. can't walk around in heels all day. yay for online shopping. :) there's nothing to buy in real shops here.

loaded questions with loaded answers.


don't you worry your pretty little mind
people throw rocks at things that shine
and life makes love work hard

am officially sick. :( didn't think much of the persistent runny nose over the weekend but it looks like it was the beginning of an unfriendly urti. :( jas is sick too, but she got to go home.

i really wonder what would happen if one of us were to call in sick. none of us have in our 10 weeks in surg. on surg emerg and urology it's not so bad because there's an intern and a jho (or two), so there'll be someone else to do your jobs.

tried to not be in theatre most of the time though there wasn't much to do anyway. did my referrals, answered my pages, rewrote my drug charts, wrote in the charts, referred patients to the mdt, did my one discharge, did my little mdt summaries.

felt hot and cold. borrowed one of the thermometers to check my temp but it was only 37.1. felt like my head was going to explode at points. didn't even feel hungry at all.

was glad when thushara told me to go home at 4.30. didn't have to stay for the afternoon round!

one of our patients... i don't know how to deal with him. he's a 21yo guy (when writing my mdt summary, i couldn't bear to call him a 21yo man. he behaves like a kid.) with mucinous adenoca of the sigmoid. i'm sure it's a difficult burden to bear, being 21 years old and having a T4N1 cancer. but he refuses to comply with physio and things, only gets out of bed for showers and to go outside in a wheelchair to smoke. really dislike helping people who don't help themselves, even if it's my job.

the etsy cat collar people are so nice! wrote to them about the weird fraying/ warping of the collars and they're going to make new ones for me! except that they don't have the accountant fabric anymore. so i'm getting two different ones (didn't really like the roboto despite it looking so cute on screen). and they're making it bigger. and adding bells for free. :) i didn't really need the bells cos their current collars already have them but i'm just lazy to move them over.

i have my new roster. it's weird... i can't be bothered to look at it yet. all i know is i get next monday off! i know what i'll be doing... going to the bank to bank in my $390 cheque! and also to the post office. simple admin things that cannot be done with working hours like mine.. oh and also, i'm working on 5 may, hmm.

got a chance to talk to zin while semi-nuaing today. i'd been wondering where she's from. burma, it turns out.. she's also going to caloundra next! but doing med nights.

my reg's brother has a pet lizard. something happened to it and it had to have one limb amputated. it ended up having an anaphylactic reaction and now requires IM antibiotics. her brother called her and asked, "do lizards get phantom limb pain?" and she was like "?!?! how would anyone know?!" haha.

f o u r more days of surgery! eve and i are counting down. this morning we were both in the rmo room waiting for the handover and 2 out of 3 computers became available. we both just sat there stoning.. we're so over surg.

am meant to sleep early because i'm sick but i don't feel like sleeping now. hmm.


my nose has been running ALL weekend. cannot take it anymore.

and also, one more week of surg. i can't wait for surg to be over but i don't really want to start dem either.

i just realised that i can wear the same dress to joab's wedding hahaha. ;p yeay.

i hope we go on a holiday in dec.





head ache :(

the weather was lovely this morning. woke up at 5.20 as usual but managed to snooze till 8.30! :) then bailey came and plopped down on my bolster pillow with his front paws resting on my arm. ;p so cute can.

drove up to the eumundi markets, which is easily the biggest weekend market i've ever been to. victoria market isn't counted, it's a different sort of market. the first things i saw when i drove into the town: a man riding a horse on the road, and a red indian. whaaat?

there was a man making beads. i bought one from him, it's nemo in a fish bowl! so cute. didn't buy anything else other than food. german bratwurst, banana-honey-malt milkshake, and giant custard apples. :)

went to sunshine plaza after but couldn't find anything to buy. and also i was starting to feel really congested and headachey so i came back.

my roll of film is half used. about 20 shots to go..


He's the Lord of the sunshine, the Lord of the rain


it's easier being a spectator ion and just watch them try to find dates that match. i shall just resign myself to the fact that my job does not allow flexibility in taking leave.

my roads aren't closed.. just water over the road, drive with caution. at least it's friday. free lunch day, and finally a break tomorrow.


talking to the moon

it's raining so hard it's not funny. even driving home, horton parade was half-flooded. looking out the window now i see the wind sweeping the rain in waves across the road. my bedroom window was only open a crack but my doona is soaked. :(

i'm secretly hoping that i get flooded in tomorrow morning. though one of the others would suffer with my millions of patients.

but my most annoying patient was discharged today!! i didn't even have to go and talk to him! though it was the strangest discharge ever.. he's under surg but pall care discharged him. they even did his discharge summary and all. i'm so happy he's gone, it's terrible, i know. but i am so happy.

we started the ward round early because shaun was at caloundra today. and thushara came along, which meant that shaun couldn't stop to wash his hands between every patient and waste my time. so rounds finished earlier and i had more time to do my jobs and write in charts and prepare my mdt summaries before clinic.

hansen didn't even arrive at his clinic until like 10+? seriously? clinic starts at like 9! but anyway his clinics are usually pretty cruisey because they only have like 15 patients max. today we had 12, which meant 4 each.

eve tried to tell me that i projected my voice well haha. i always feel like i'm shouting in mdt. i hate it. ONLY ONE MORE TO GO. am so glad thursday is over. thursday is always the worst day of the week, with clinic and mdt. thursday is my hump day. i woke up feeling exhausted and wanting to call in sick. but i cannot bear to call in sick knowing that one of the other guys would have to cover my patients. though really they could just divide them between the teams and not have any problems at all (dave has 1 patient and tara has 2). my list of patients is 4x theirs combined. i haven't touched my discharge summaries at all this week. i hope dave will help me do some tomorrow haha.

a holiday with nine would be lovely but i highly doubt i'm going to make it if it does happen. :| sigh. opportunity cost.

should convince dee to move to melbourne next year. i was trying to convince her not to (because people work harder there). but actually i'm not so sure about that.. it's a bit difficult to say because i was such a slack med student? but i really do think the work environment here is much nicer.

the cat collars are weird. why is there shrinkage only on one side?

finally had the time to get my fluvax today, and i actually felt rather unwell immediately after. plus it was more painful than usual? and my arm is aching more than usual? :\


i am TIRED. will the term just end already.

was really annoyed with having to stay late today, even though i left at like 5.45pm. that's still 1hr 45mins late! it's even more annoying when my reg does a late round, then leaves me with millions of jobs to do and then GOES HOME. i realise that those things are my job but i'm not even meant to be there!

plus my patients annoyingly spike temps just before our afternoon ward rounds. if they want to spike temps they should wait until after i leave please.. then it'd be ward call's problem. zzz. i put in like 3 CXR forms after hours today. and i went down to medical imaging so many times today that they told me i had to stop.

was quite proud that i made it to clinic though. even got to see a couple of my favourite ex patients! and they're looking a lot better too. :) at least ratna (the big boss) got to see a bit of me.. :|

was the last one to get to tara's but at least i got there at like 6. considering i left the hospital at 7.30 on monday, 6 is not bad. we were talking about the GP training program - eve and nicole are applying this year. i'm beginning to think i should too.. no point wasting more time doing the pgppp? so we were talking about references.. don't know who to ask though. :\ ratna would be really good, but he's hardly seen me at all. the advantages and disadvantages of being the big boss' intern hmm. maybe thushara?

had my first ever vegetarian meal! actually it may not have been the first, i think ian might have cooked some veg soup thing before. but anyway tara cooked up this amazing risotto mozarella ball thing. so good! and we had a salad and roast potatoes and sweet potatoes. i have a weakness for roast sweet potatoes. and i even had the salad, ha.

HAVE NOT MADE MY NOTES FOR MDT TOMORROW. tara was really nice and helped me do the qool stuff for one of the patients. she even sent me a summary to use for my presentation! :) i did another one.. have one more, but he is so complicated i really don't know how to present him. :x might ask tara to help me again since she offered.. and since i'll have to be at dr hansen's clinic too tomorrow morning. and i'm not sure if this other patient is meant to be presented.. have to call the big boss about that tomorrow. :| so many things to do! grr.

if you have menorrhagia, please don't have a d&c. this patient had a d&c and ended up with a perfed uterus and iliac vessel (or something). they thought she'd had a PE so they thrombolysed and anticoagulated her and ended up doing CPR when all the while she was bleeding out. that's where the surg team came in. :| not good.

my reg is working at caloundra tomorrow so he wants to do the morning round at 7am. BIG SIGH. it only takes so long because he has to stop and wash his hands between EVERY PATIENT despite using GLOVES to examine them. and then he uses like 10 paper towels to dry his hands? zzz.

oh dee was doing a survey on ranking regs hahaha. it was really down to scott and kevin.. i eventually picked kevin. "because he's asian?" haha but kevin is really nice. but scott has a really nice smile haha.

okay tired goodnight.


another long day... 12 hours this time. sigh. :( i'm always the last intern to leave! zin was even nearly done with her ward call shift.

discharged 5 patients today. my list fits on one sheet of paper now! celebrations. but they're all complicated patients. :(

was complimented on my lefties skirt again today. ;p

still super annoyed by my most disliked patient. SO ANNOYING. CAN WE PLEASE TRANSFER HIM TO PALL CARE OR SOMETHING. D: it wouldn't even be difficult, we're not doing anything for him and they already know him (and are seeing him). PLEASE.

at least the two distal pancreatectomy + splenectomy patients are out of ICU now.

yesterday's overtime + today's overtime = $409, provided i actually get thushara to sign off on my form. :| but i really really really hope that i don't have to stay late tomorrow. because we're going to tara's for dinner! i don't want to miss out againnn.

fell asleep during intern teaching (as i do every week - it's after lunch). woke up to fill in the evaluation form and ethan beside me goes "i just want to sleeeeep" and buries his head in his hands. all because he's remote1 med ward call? which is like 4.30-8.30pm? such a short shift!

heather called and thanked me for the flowers we got delivered to her. and she asked about my cats. ;p "how's becker?" "ohh.. he's the cute one!" eve and mac (who were in the rmo room with me) go "ooooohhhhhhh!"

am being so haphazard but i blame it on work.

p/s my internet is fast again. :)
p/p/s my kongkong now has facebook. ;p he is like 82!


my longest ever shift today. 12.5 hours! zzz. and i didn't have any fooood other than 6 biscuits and an apple juice stolen from the patient fridge. wouldn't even have had the biscuits if not for dee. was updating my list and complaining about how hungry i was and she went to get me biscuits. :) aww.

the grass is always greener on the other side.. last week when i was on surg emerg i wished i was on surg 2. now when i'm on surg 2 i wished i was on surg emerg. i've got 16 patients and no one to tell me exactly what to do. :| and my reg/pho was in theatre all day! sigh.

he finished at like 6.30 and we did our afternoon rounds.. which finished at 7.30?! zomg. i think 16 patients is too many. :\ and 3 are in ICU. i never had to bother with ICU patients when lee was my reg..

one of my patients is a jehovah's witness who had an upper GI bleed (from a tumour, which has since been resected). his Hb is 54 and he has a mechanical aortic valve. the ICU consultant insists on giving him heparin though my consultant and the surgeon who did his valve replacement are against it. zzz extend my ward rounds only..

and this other patient, my most disliked patient ever. he has a large pelvic liposarcoma which is compressing his vessels and causing lymphoedema of his left leg. he keeps on going on about how he thinks the stent (in his leg) is blocked (despite us doing a doppler last week and finding it patent) and today he actually called the interventional radiologist AT HOME AND SPOKE TO HIS WIFE omg. i really dread going to see him every day. he should have just stayed on surg emerg, we're not doing anything surgical for him anyway. but my consultant, being the big boss, likes to collect people. sigh.

oh and my utorrent secretly downloaded all my shows for me! ;p hehehe.

goodnight!


it's tomorrow's tomorrow

tried my hand at needle felting today.. without proper materials haha. it wasn't a huge success.. but i shall wait for my penguin bowling kit to arrive. ;p SO CUTE.

called home to wish my father happy birthday. ended up talking more to my mother, as usual. she's more bothered by my lack of social life than i am. and she thought my work year ended in nov?

must remember to bring eve's hard drive to work tomorrow.. and to tell her that mine is labelled too. and that i realised that they are adam and eve.

we're going up to tara's place for dinner on weds so it isn't a complete lack of social life.. i hope i don't have to work late that day. the last time we had an after-work gathering i had to stay in the hospital till 6.30pm. :|

it is really cold. because it's been raining non-stop since yesterday. am actually wearing leggings at home because it's so cold. should just go hide in bed.

really wanted to get something done about my hair. but then i thought about it and decided that i wanted to let it grow out more than i wanted to do something about it. so.

the dress people replied me! they've received my order but haven't "reviewed" it yet. oh well there's still months and months.

have been trying to recall something to add to the list but it refuses to come back to me.


rain rain go away

so i managed to get out of the home visit i was meant to do for my mother. ordered flowers online instead. much preferred option.

my sister says cream/nude too. but i really don't like nude shoes. except for my ballet flats. she thinks the navy ones could work. but they're like $495 or something, so that's not going to happen. i can't find any similar-looking ones though. :( and the dress people still haven't emailed me! maybe they're on holiday. :|

still thinking about that hammock.. sat outside in the crisp air last night looking up at the stars while the cats explored the balcony. i think the hammock would be a reasonable investment? haha. i blame charm for putting the idea in my head.

the neighbour is having a rather loud st patrick's day party. it's like living next to a club. -.- thank God she doesn't do this every day.

oh and i am finally playing draw something with girls. just randomly. iris must be having the day off. ;p

waiting... and waiting.


i know that You are for me
i know that You will never
forsake me in my weakness


it's finally the weekend! :) yay. but i need to do something for my mother.. which i really don't want to do. :|

anyway, today was pretty alright.. not ridiculously crazy. though the stack of path slips i had to write for the weekend was pretty crazy. 8 patients per sheet on our list x 4 pages x 3 slips per patient = about 100 path slips.

my handwriting became more and more illegible the further down i got on the list. at least it's just FBE, eLFTs, INR, gent level, coags. they should be able to decipher that..

eve passed me her hard drive. :) i just realised her husband is called adam? real life adam and eve? ;p so cute!

big lists. thinking about it now i'm not really sure if it was helpful at all hmm.

am glad surg emerg is over! though thinking about it now i really don't want to go back to surg2.. i'm with shaun and lee next week cos pam's on surg emerg. hmm. but i won't think about next week now.. it's only friday!

only had to poke one patient today. he's having PR bleeds and x didn't put in a blood form for him this morning. -.-

my cats are starting to smell like cats (i didn't shower them last weekend). time for another shower! shall prepare myself to get more scratched up.

not entirely sure which david l. it is i'm playing draw something with? but the people who bugged me to play it are not playing much? so i'm playing mostly with jason and ian.. sebas does the most elaborate drawings. ian always cheats.

and the dress people haven't emailed me yet?! i just read some reviews (i know, why am i reading reviews only after putting in the order?) and apparently they're very good. please start making my dress soon!

the forecast is for heavy rain all weekend. i hope it's not too bad.. i want to go shopping. ;p


thank God it's thursday. woke up this morning filled with dread.. another day of surg emerg. but today was really not bad. our list was 4 pages long and although our ward round was interrupted and repeated, it didn't take too long. and although a lot of our patients were febrile, we didn't need to do blood cultures. most of our patients are already on triples anyway.


most tiring day at work ever. even though i left at like 4.20? :( at 10.45am i thought it was like 2pm. at 2pm it felt like 7pm.. this week is just crawling by. :(

had the surgical m&m today, which i think messed things up a bit more. i was hardly present at rounds. went between 2D and 2FW (which is SO far away) and our home wards 1B and 1C. felt like i was being pulled in different directions.. shall attempt to give the phone to zin at like 12.30 tomorrow. stupid phone.

was talking to ian, the o&g intern. he asked how's work, i said "i hate this job!" but then i qualified that statement. i just hate this job, this week. i told pam i missed surg 2 haha. apparently one of my ex-ICU oesophagectomy patients is going home. :) she had a good report too, no lymph nodes involved. :)

on the other hand, i have this 22yo guy with a big mass between his bladder and colon. his father died of colorectal cancer at 30yo and his aunt at 37yo? so that is crap. and jas was telling us that at another hospital she saw a 14yo kid with metastatic bowel cancer? how does that even happen? at 14?

oh and the nurses in 2D are the most unhelpful nurses ever. i think it's cos they're midwives. -.- the nurses in 1D are my favourite. because they do things like taking bloods haha. and the 1B AO is my favourite too. the AO in 1C refuses to help me do anything. -.-

got home in time to get my mail from the girls downstairs - one of them was waving it at me as i walked in haha. "aren't you looking cute today! and can we just say, you've been a pleasure to have living upstairs.. you don't know what we've had to deal with." apparently the lady who used to live in my apartment was crazy. they said they can hear the cats running around haha.

brought becky down to see them. it worries me that my cats are so unsociable (not unlike me). i suppose that if they live with other people they'll get used to it in time though. and it doesn't really matter while they're just with me.. they're so affectionate with me (especially in the mornings when they're trying to wake me up) but with other people they just freak out.

two more days of surg emerg...


i feel faint... :| i think it's dehydration.

i am finding that i really dislike surg emerg.. rushing around as bits and pieces of a team, being called to see patients that i hardly know anything about, not knowing what's happening even after rounds... at least there is always a jho to hold everything together. so glad to be working with jas.

went off 3/4 way through rounds to review one of our patients with pancreatitis who had chest pain. she was a very poor historian.. eventually i figured it was the same sort of pain she'd presented with. ecg was normal, first trop was normal. eventually it settled with morphine.

and from there on i had no clue what was going on. went down to transit lounge to clerk a patient for admission. but jas met me there so she did the talking and i did the writing. then she wandered off to find the reg.. was going to go to theatre to assist with a lap chole because jas has a frozen shoulder. but then dean was like "she's got education!" and went to assist instead. ;p after i'd scrubbed and all haha. but education was so boring.

in the end i just did whatever jas asked me to do. that's the easiest thing really.. go put the blood forms in, check patient x's troponin again, consent patient y for a lap chole etc.

but this week is going by so slowly. and i haven't seen thushara around so i haven't gotten my overtime approved.

had siew yoke for dinner! :) but now i feel sick. and faint. shall go lie down.


o s c i ll a t e
we shall see when the time comes.

first day of surg emerg! was actually not bad. not bad at all. because there's a new rule.. i don't know what it is exactly, but it works in my favour this week. ;p surg4 got most of the new surg emerg patients. i think that means i'm going to get a whole heap next week.. but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

we had less than 20 patients and there was me and two jho's. our reg was in theatre most of the time. but the three of us had pretty much nothing to do for half the day. i was writing blood slips by like 10.30am. ;p was occasionally asked to insert a cannula/ take bloods etc. spent the rest of my time doing discharge summaries and doing the referrals i didn't do last week. :|

two of my surg2 chronic patients were discharged today! :) the lady gave me a hug and the guy gave me a handshake. ;p so cute lah. one other surg2 patient was discharged today.. he is so deaf and his hearing aids don't seem to work and every time i go into his esbl room i have to SHOUT at him and he still doesn't understand me. -.-

went across the road to the terrace for lunch with dee and eve. found out that eve is doing dem at caloundra with me next term! :D:D hehe i am so glad. :)

LEFT THE HOSPITAL EARLY. for the first time in weeks there were still lots of cars parked along the street when i went home. most of the time poor Skype is one of the few cars still there. i hope the whole week is like this!

was so happy that i came home and baked a jap cheesecake. ;p hahaha. also because i had a craving. ;p it's still in the oven and i covered the top with foil so i have no idea how it's going to turn out. :| my oven isn't very trustworthy. and also my digital scale is very inaccurate now that i've lost all the bottom sticky things (shall not go into whose fault that is -.-). hopefully it turns out alright.

have been asking people about what colour shoes to wear with the coral dress haha. most people say cream/ white. i don't have cream shoes.. i suppose i should just go find my ivory heels when i go back to melb. the dress people haven't emailed me though.

when "you are a very nice girl" is followed by "can i have your number?" hmmm.

the cats have taken very well to wearing collars, considering they went 5 months without them. i suppose harnesses are a lot more uncomfortable. now they have bells so i can hear them. :)


oh no it's monday again tomorrow! and it's surg emerg week! D: so scary. i don't know what to do! and everyone else has already done surg emerg twice. -.- except for elissa, who's done it once. :\

ordered my dress for the wedding! hahaha. really splurged. but i think it's really pretty. i hope my self-measurements are reasonably accurate.. though i just realised that there's both the ceremony and the dinner. hmm. and what colour shoes to wear? with a coral dress? i suppose i could wear my white satin heels maybe? :\ i think they're somewhere in melb. must go and hunt for them when i go back. ;\

have a terrible headache now because i fell asleep in the afternoon. now i don't feel like having dinner or doing anything.. just going back to sleep the headache away. :(




yay i finally booked my tickets to go home! :D wanted to last night but then i thought i should confirm that i can get that friday afternoon off first.. but then i thought, nevermind, at most i'll just try to leave work early and speed to the airport.

friday 3 aug
- work half day (0800-1200)
- drive 4hr 15min from bundy to brissy
- fly at 2345 (direct flight, thankfully)

saturday 4 aug
- arrive in sg at 0550
- cheryl's wedding ceremony at 1100
- take some "pre-wedding" photos post-wedding
- afternoon to do whatever
- wedding dinner

sunday 5 aug
- ?church (depending on which day the family goes)
- free the rest of the dayyy faster book me ;p

monday 6 aug
- call in sick
- fly at 0950
- arrive in brissy at 1930
- drive 4hr 15min back to bundy
- sleep! and go to work at 0800 the next day

such an expensive thing to do for 48 hours in singapore haha. but oh well. it's a wedding! i love weddings. ;p plus i want to buy this usd189 dress to wear to it haha. but i don't know if i will. my heart doesn't ache as much as i thought it would after paying for the air ticket.. my first ever air ticket bought with my own money. ;p i need to start saving properly...


people keep saying that interns get paid more in QLD but i think i'm earning the least lor. -.-

walked out to the esplanade for brunch, but realised that i'd forgotten to bring my wallet. :( so i walked back.. and drove back to the esplanade. ;p it was too hot. had brunch at mio spazio. the places here have weird names, unlike melb's brunch spots. the food wasn't great either.. just super filling. the hot chocolate wasn't bad though.

boost juice to cool down on this very very hot saturday. :) was tempted to get another boost in the afternoon haha. but didn't because i'd already spent so much money today. :|

i really miss taking photos. anyway, photos are up on fb. :) charm says i need to take more photos so people will know i'm still alive.

i don't know why we are having this conversation? but it is swaying me. why am i so easily swayed! zzz.

and what is up with this "you are a very nice girl" thing? please don't like call me or anything....

finally got down to reading the AGPT booklet. wondering if i should apply... i really have no idea what i want to be doing next year. :| and yes, i know it's only the beginning of the year, but i can't exactly get to the end of 2012 without doing anything about 2013..

the cat collars arrived this morning! ;p i actually like the stripey one more than the robot one. oh well.. waiting for the tags to arrive next. :)

maybe the whole point of it all was to get me to realise certain things? and eat vegetables?

am super thankful that the remote phone hasn't rung! have carried it everywhere i've gone today. like a baby. so scared that it would ring.. but it's been silent. :) and the 24-hour window is over! :)


forgot to blog about how thankful i was that i didn't drink anything last night before driving home from dave's house. because i got stopped to do the breathalyser test! and because i am still on my P's, my BAC has to be zero. thank God i didn't drink.

and also my reg keeps telling me (and announcing to other regs and jhos) that i am "blossoming." because i pulled the chest tube out on my own yesterday, took blood out of a patient's leg today, and she thinks i presented well at the MDT yesterday. :| i think my presentations are crap.

talking to charmie about my dilemma, much love from perth. ♥ only wanjie reads my blog but i miss all of you! and today, i particularly miss our carefree post-uni pre-grad days, running around 4P carparks and being closet alcoholics on charm's roof.


without us breaking down
to whatever's coming our way

imwwuttlt

long day at work again. :( it started out as such a cruisy (?cruisey) day too. even got round to doing my discharge summaries and making sure next week's MDT patients were booked for their MRIs and PETs before thursday.

and even went across the road for lunch with dee and elissa. red curry, yum. ;p we all decided to skip the breast MDT (even though there was free food) because there was only one patient. too bad the others couldn't join us.

did lots of talking to patients' family and explaining histopath and things. then just as i thought i'd be able to go home reasonably on time, one of our ex-ICU patients started to deteriorate. :( temp 38.6, HR 125, sats 93% on 4L. had to do blood cultures and even a group and hold cos his first Hb came back at 60? i didn't want to try getting bloods off him because jas said she'd poked him 5 times last night and in the end zin got some off him.

i managed to get zin to do the first set of bloods for me (and the ABG).. zin is so nice. but then we needed to get another sample cos we didn't believe the Hb. jas had to run off to see a patient with 10/10 chest and abdo pain so i had to attempt getting blood. couldn't see any veins in his arm so i ended up poking his leg. got blood though, yeay. think he's going to end up back in ICU. :\

left the hospital at 7.15pm (having arrived there at 6.55am this morning). am hoping and praying that they don't call me to go back! apparently it's a 24-hour shift from 8pm-8pm. it's past 8 but i'm not sure if they can still call me back.. i hope the remote phone isn't set to silent. it's some nokia phone, i don't know how to use those anymore. they're so fiddly.

got my payslip today and realised why i got paid so much last fortnight.. because i worked the weekend! of course. looks like they still haven't paid me for my overtime.. :(

i want to go shopping tomorrow.


another long day at work. at least there was the hanging out at dave's after.. but i was like two hours late for that. :\

am always so glad when thursday is over. three thursdays to go! and next thurs will be surg emerg so it'll be a different sort of crazy. i'm actually quite nervous about it because i've never done it before. but working has taught me to not worry about what's happening next week until it comes.

was rather annoyed all morning because i had lots of jobs to do but we did a round with thushara and then with ratna. plus regs and consultants love to stop in the middle of rounds and talk to their colleagues.. which i usually don't mind, just not when i have a million jobs to do and have to rush down to hansen's clinic by 9! :<

clinic was good though, only 15 patients and 4 doctors. and dr hansen likes to teach, which is nice. rushed off to steal charts from ICU and went for MDT. didn't have time to eat. :( had family meetings after MDT, then did my jobs. we've been trying to send a patient home yesterday and today but he lives out in whoop whoop and it was just ridiculous trying to get him home because he has to be on warfarin and clexane. eventually between the social worker, pharmacist, and myself, we decided that it would be best for him if he stayed in till monday and was able to go home on warfarin and not clexane.

took a chest tube out, the guy was so grateful haha. i told the nurse to do it, then 4 hours later he realised that nurses couldn't do it, then i had MDT, then i thought i might wait for my reg to come out of theatre, but she was stuck in there. so i just did it myself hehe. my ex-reg was like, "i know you know what to do!" because she was the one who supervised the first time i took one out.

the last patient we saw on the afternoon rounds had a fever so we had to do a septic screen. jas was nice though, she did the bloods for me. and kept telling me to go home. i think she must have told me like 5 times cos she kept seeing me around the wards haha.

so glad it's friday tomorrow. though i'm remote on call. :| please go to work, whoever's on call!

bought the cats some crappy food from coles. must remember to go to the petshop this weekend, i need a bunch of stuff. and also i get to check my mail on saturday! i hope my cat collars have arrived. :) and sebas' postcard. :\


yay we're going to have a party tomorrow! ;p going to dave's for drinks + dinner for eve's birthday. :) i baked banana choc chip cupcakes. :) i hope they're okay cos i'm not entirely sure i measured the ingredients out correctly - this happens frequently when i halve a recipe. :\

was meant to go to clinic this morning but elissa was there so i couldn't. :| it's good because it means i can do other work without feeling too guilty, but it's bad because i look like i'm slacking! i really think the more senior doctors forget how much paperwork we have to do behind the scenes.

checked my bank balance and was surprised at how much i got paid for last fortnight. i think it's because they added my overtime for the previous fortnight... because it was $1k more than what i usually get paid, not even kidding. after tax some more! can nearly pay for my air ticket back haha. ;p

did my MDT notes, discharge summaries, paperwork to transfer a patient to gympie for rehab, had a long chat with my depressing patient (i'm so glad he's eating more). didn't eat at all! :(

would have gone home relatively on time but i ended up having to admit a patient. :( his wife is manic and annoying but she seems to like me haha. ended up staying till 6.15, but that's another $170 for me. i have to think about it that way because i dislike my job that much. and i'm disliking it more.. i liked the old regs more.

my reg keeps ignoring me when i start saying something but some other person interrupts. -.-

still have that gnawing epigastric pain. :(

didn't go for lift today.. remembered it but only got home at about 7, so oh well. rewrote my MDT notes, baked cupcakes.

am running out of cat food, nooooo. will probably have to get some random rubbish brand from the supermarket because i never get out in time to go to the pet shop. :\


worst day ever! D: was super busy, which isn't abnormal.. just that today it was with stupid paperwork-type things and not proper medical/ surgical stuff. :<

[long rant about work]

had to refer my 4 ICU patients for this thursday's MDT. and they moved the deadline to tues 12nn instead of weds 2pm. which is really annoying because they don't do anything with the info we put in anyway... if they want us to put all the info in so early they might as well all read it and not make us present right. and it's actually the reg's job to present patients at MDT. -.- which makes a lot more sense because they know the patients a lot better (esp if they were actually doing the surgery and all).

and then i had to make a PET referral to the royal brisbane and they kept giving me the wrong fax number? then in the end they said i have to use a special form, which needs to be signed by a consultant... and the people looking after him initially wanted him to have the pet tomorrow and be presented at the MDT on thurs. like please as if that is possible. -.-

also had to make a couple of calls to the other boss (i have 3 consultants). "it's your job to make it happen" - a patient was booked for an MRI in may but he wants it brought forward to this week/ next week so we can discuss it at next week's MDT. called the radiologists, the next available appointment is in may. -.- but they said they'd do it.

another one of this bosses' patients was meant to have an MRI ages ago but ended up not having it for some reason, and it's booked for friday, which means he can only be discussed at next week's MDT too. but because the boss had said in our previous phone call that he wanted this patient discussed this week, i went down to MRI to ask the guys there.

"ha, no way."
"i just have to say i tried."
"haha you can tell your boss to call, we'll even say you tried aggressively!"

called the boss again to update him and he goes "i'm trying to see patients here, go tell your reg." no point telling my reg because she doesn't even know about this patient! -.- i just figured it was better to tell him today than on thursday morning at clinic before the MDT where he would yell at me and make me try to organise things while in clinic and with MDT looming. :| eeks.

was glad to have a break for teaching. though i fell asleep in the headaches talk. then thushara came to do the acute abdo pain talk and i made sure i was awake for that.

whatsapping with fath. ;p about work haha.
"it was only a hernia repair and lap chole"
"wah lap chole, that's my op!" (he had a lap chole a while back)
"i just held the camera and retractors"
"the camera is your favourite!"
;p

so cold today. it's not just melbourne that has crazy weather.

hopefully tomorrow will be a quieter day, i will get the boss to sign the PET form and fax it off to the right number, and i will get a chance during work hours to write up my notes for thursday's MDT. and it's payday tomorrow! i hope my overtime pay's in there.

bailey eats more fresh meat when i put it on the floor rather than in the bowl. why is he so weird. but at least he's eating. i was a bit worried about him being a bit anorexic hmm.

my hair is never going to dry without the fan but it's too cold.


what heights of love
what depths of peace

i still have very little desire to be a doctor. but the things my patients tell me on a daily basis helps me through and makes me think that maybe there is a purpose here for me, at least for now. i don't do much for them but they're always telling me how sweet i am and thanking me for "everything" i've done for them haha. aww. they're so cute, some of them. not the depressing one.

all the "oesophaguses" in ICU are getting better too. :) it's so nice to hear them talking instead of writing or motioning because they're intubated.

inheriting lots of patients from today's list. wanted to watch the distal pancreatectomy + splenectomy but there were 4 surgeons scrubbed and i couldn't see anything. so i kept going in and out of theatre. in the end they abandoned it because it was too close to the coeliac trunk.. and then the patient started bleeding post op so they had to take him back in. :|

but i was told to go home if everything was alright because of all the flooding. and i mean ALL of the flooding. how ridiculous, it's been raining since yesterday afternoon. non-stop. the river is the highest i have ever seen it, nearly the same height as the road. so many roads are closed, even along the bruce. had to take an alternative route home too. but i was really thankful that my car was fine because there were cars on the street i parked on that were "nearly floating away," according to an email that was sent out. :| everyone was checking the sunshine coast council website for road closures to make sure they could get home.

and driving home was terrifying. no speeding for me. i don't understand how the clouds even hold that much rain. i foresee myself walking to hospital in havis again tomorrow. oh and there's also a cyclone warning, hmm.

still don't quite know what's happening with that. but august is a good 5 months away so it doesn't really matter... yet. i need to sit down properly one day and get my flights booked. and figure out when to call in sick. :| such a pain.

"no sunshine coast men?" haha. i don't know it just has never gone away!

i'm going to get so fat because kfc is my new comfort food. D: SO FAT. except that i very often don't have lunch, or have very little for lunch. so i suppose it's not so bad. though i've started developing occasional epigastric pain. think i should steal some nexium or something.

i think i got a bit of a tan from walking in the sun on saturday. ;p

oh and my overtime claim form from last week has been sent to payroll for processing! :D no problems at all. looks like being the big boss' intern has its perks. ;p shall be happily claiming all my overtime for the rest of my surg term. ;p


it's nearly monday again! i think i mainly nuahed this weekend. though i was intending to get some stuff done. :| was really thankful for the break though.

and am glad my one and only ward call weekend is over! don't know if i will need to do any towards the second half/ end of the year when i'm doing ortho geri or paeds. but ED is 4 days on 3 days off and gen med at bundy is mon-fri only. :)

i'm envious of people like daniel who live in victoria and can just catch a train to melbourne on the weekends. how nice that would be!

went to church this morning (yes i remembered to go to church this week). sarah jane preached and it was really good! the ripple effect - about how things people did in the past played a role in where we are now, and how what we do now will have an effect on the future generations.

met the senior pastor after the service. apparently he had heard of me.. he knew that i'm from sg and that i'm a doctor. met another girl who had also heard of me.. how interesting. ;p and every time i meet new people (my patients included), i always get comments on my name. ;p

every time i start looking at flights i get so confused and not know what to do and end up closing all the windows. :( looks like i might actually need to take sickies on fri and mon! but it really is a waste to call in sick on monday because i could get in to work by like 11am. wish i could call in sick on friday and half my fortnightly half day off on mon morning. -.-

contemplating buying two expensive things that i'm not sure i will need/ use. hmm. plus like i said before, i have no money. :(

i wonder what that's all about.


here's to us-

really dislike hot weekend afternoons. makes me consider getting an air con nearly every weekend. but i have no money. :( please pay me for my overtime and stop asking so many questions! :( 5 hours last week should make $315. didn't bother claiming for weds and fri..

went to coolum beach this morning for breakfast with sarah jane. she lives so near the beach! plus it's a nice beach. ate at raw energy and talked.. she told me the very interesting story of how she ended up marrying jason haha.

i never know what to make of it when people say things like that. i would like to believe it to be true... but i guess at this point i just don't know how it could be? but there's still time of course.

she went back to do a mountainload of ironing and i went to walk on the boardwalk by the beach.i still have like 5 shots? and more than half the roll is probably just my cats haha.

the fluffy white cat was on my balcony this morning! i let the cats out onto the balcony to try and get them to be friends. but becker really doesn't like it. bailey pretty much just ignored it.. except when it tried to get into my apartment haha. it did eventually get inside. then no one knew what to do haha. but then it just ran out.

am slow-cooking soup for dinner. with bean threads! hahaha. i need to find tae's prawn and bean thread recipe and try it out for myself.. wanted it to be chinesey but then i did something that reminded me of... nevermind.


so unbelievably tired. *_* but i survived day 12! finally i can start from zero again.

ward round, ward jobs, discharge summaries, signed a lot of path, breast MDT, lunch (and chocolate), slacked, filled in blood forms and updated the weekend list, did my mid term assessment, afternoon ward round, handed in my assessment and overtime claim forms.

one of my old demented patients somehow had her cannula pulled out. we were wondering what happened to it, then we saw it hanging from the pump haha. after i put a new cannula in her arm she held my hand and thanked me haha. ;p so cute.

i am a firm believer that not everyone with cancer should be operated on. :| especially with some of the patients i have. and especially with big surgeries like a whipples. the surgery knocks them back and they take ten thousand years to recover, and not even to baseline. with that sort of quality of life, i don't think it's worth it. :|

told tara that i didn't want to be a doctor haha.

was going to meet sarah jane for breakfast at sunshine plaza tomorrow morning but it turns out her husband has to go to the doctor so instead i'm going to go up to coolum to meet her. which is better because i've never been there, and she lives right on hastings st! or near hastings st. which i have read about online, so it must be at least slightly famous. ha.

am itching to take some photos. maybe i can spam like 15 and go and develop my film haha. it's probably possible..

brought the cats for a walk downstairs again, in the dark. but it never really is in the dark here because the car yard has some very bright lights. it's difficult to walk two cats at once. my arms are only this long.

rong asked about hk and made me feel like going back! the pai guat choy fan omg. and ippudo. and all the random cats around. ;p


day 11 has been a difficult one.

i dislike thursdays in general because of hansen's clinic and MDT.

ward round, jobs, hansen's clinic, rushed off to inspect a wound with the vac dressing down, rushed to MDT, sorted out drug issues, went to help out at al-timimi's clinic because he had a crazy list. it was quite funny really, him rushing into and out of rooms. at least we could present to lee too. then priscilla, sigh.

i suppose it's the first of many of those sorts of days. but i hope not. :(

pam was really nice to me though. sigh.

comfort food for dinner, ha.

apparently hansen complimented me in clinic today.. though i thought it wasn't one of my better clinic days. and i said "i really don't know how to describe the mass," which sounds really lousy. but i think he was quite taken aback when he saw it too haha. so it was alright. for lack of a better description.. it looked like a raw meatball. in a patient's natal cleft. ugh. but i managed to avoid doing PRs in al-timimi's clinic, which was nice.

my eyes are really tired.

i actually think bangs would partially solve my specs problem.

let the boys out this evening and beck promptly ran downstairs and under a lorry. wasn't too worried about him though. he came out after a while and let me bring him back upstairs. shower time again on sunday.