hello!
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)
also
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.
people
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;
love
history
March 2005;
April 2005;
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June 2005;
July 2005;
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November 2005;
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March 2006;
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January 2007;
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November 2007;
December 2007;
January 2008;
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March 2008;
April 2008;
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June 2008;
July 2008;
August 2008;
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October 2008;
November 2008;
December 2008;
January 2009;
February 2009;
March 2009;
April 2009;
May 2009;
June 2009;
July 2009;
August 2009;
September 2009;
October 2009;
November 2009;
December 2009;
January 2010;
February 2010;
March 2010;
April 2010;
May 2010;
June 2010;
July 2010;
August 2010;
September 2010;
October 2010;
November 2010;
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January 2011;
February 2011;
March 2011;
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June 2011;
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November 2016;
credits
Layout: /strawberrying
20110530
CHUCK.
i was the only one who didn't get an email, sad. :( and my ex-supervisor doesn't want to reply me either, rawr. :(
got to maroondah at 8. was extremely lost but someone introduced me to one of our supervisors. eventually met the deakin students and other monash students. think i'll be getting lost a lot this week.
my shifts for this week:
- tues pm
- weds am
- thurs am tute
- fri am
(or maybe i'll just do thurs pm and have fri off)
maroondah ED tutes are really long though. my brain can't cope with like 3 or 4-hour tutes. :\ especially talking ones. we're doing plastering and suturing on thurs, i suppose that would be alright. i can't find the case presentation roster...
am probably going to sydney for a weekend. :) my parents will be there, my father's been invited to speak at a church i think (found out it is chc sydney). about crisis relief. so my mother offered me a holiday haha. :)
have not done that.. but neither has mangmang. we are going to incur some wrath i think.
am tired. but i get to sleep in tomorrow, and i don't have to drive! :) thank you liping. ;p
would really like to have my moleskine here to write stuff in but i think i left it in singapore. :( had a strange dream (about a family dinner) overlapping with a previous dream (about a resort with sharks).
9:34 pm
+ printed out some ED stuff but am too lazy to read them now
+ finally applied to graduate ($184!)
+ cannot find any info on mildura applications, i think i will just not apply -.- (they only take 3 interns anyway)
too tired! going to sleep and worry about tomorrow when it gets here. hope i don't get lost on the way to maroondah though. :|
12:11 am
20110529
seems like a tragedy now
+ think it's still deteriorating
+ upset about the modem thing
+ got cass and dhany's wedding invitation! they made me one even though they know i can't go!
now that i'm making less memories, my brain has had more time to dig up memories from ages ago. kind of strange, remembering these things that happened such a long time ago.. some things i don't think i've even thought about since they happened.
i feel like i've been on holiday and am going back to school tomorrow, sigh. but i guess that is partly true. after finishing all my modules, the last week was a slack week. short days and no admissions. am dreading starting school again. :( have to get up earlier too, sigh.
and i still have 2 cover letters to write, rawr. so sick of them already. :( DON'T WANT TO WRITE ANYMORE. :( my mother says after i do my internship i can open a cafe with her and my sister. sounds good to me. baking muffins everyday >> diagnosing and managing dieases.
also think it's a bit weird to do *ahem* eval, having had no experience whatsoever in doing those things i am evaluating. just feels like i am in no position to do it. hmm.
10:28 pm
i feel like the rachel berry song, but instead of how many times, i'm asking how long will it take.
10:36 am
20110528
+ slept in :)
+ watched Chuck (like a million episodes)
+ cleaned mousey's cage
+ made church lunch
+ emailed my supervisor
+ fb msged my aunty suggestions for her itinerary
+ took things off my walls (the box is full now)
only going to start my cover letters now haha. ;p
hope it's sunny tomorrow, i want to finish my spinner film.
10:16 pm
"What happened? Why didn't they work?"
"What always happens. Life."
sigh i think i'm really blind. :(
and i don't know what to do! charmaine isn't going back to jb in rotation 6, she hates it too much there. i really don't like it either.. but i was looking forward to lots of free time and going home. though the jb part is really quite torturous. :\ push and pull. think i'll have to decide soon though. sighhh.
there were some things i thought were quite hilarious but i can't quite remember them now.
a bunch of us went to maccas for "ice cream" after lg. :) i always do this thing where i want to eat/ buy something but end up eating/ buying something else. it always happens with ice cream. had mcwings instead, just because i found out that there are now mcwings in melbourne. but they were terrible. :( how disappointing! must remember to eat them the next time i go back, ha.
i don't really know!
would like to sleep and not have to wake up to an alarm. but i'm afraid if i don't set one i'll wake up at like 12 or something haha.
something came in the mail! :) now there's only one thing i'm waiting for.. my b&w film. :) and cheryl is bringing more normal film for me too. :)
broken spell, but it won't last.
plan for tomorrow:
- cover letters (and more cover letters)
- clean mousey's cage
- clean my room (!!)
2:11 am
20110527
interesting and rather atypical last day at W2.
did normal things like a half ward round and a discharge summary, then helped to put a plaster of paris cast on a patient with an intellectual disability.. it took 5 of us. the nurse wanted to take a photo of us. after the cast had set and we all let go of his limbs, he plucked a bit of the soffban off and ate it. -.- he has pica.
went off to have lunch and fill in my gvh application form (because i can't do it on pages). was happily replying a fb message because my reg told me to "come back at any time" when i heard "medical emergency team required to west x bed xx" and was like, oh crap. our ex-patient! we had just gone to see him this morning and his GCS was 11 (compared to 15/15 yesterday). :\ went up to the ward, got there before my reg. his BP was 60/40. :\ helped with getting things from the iv trolley and writing dates and times on stickers and with calling someone for the ICU reg. :| his condition stabilised after a while but my reg says she wouldn't be surprised if he died. :\
told gina about my pia form, got my supervisor's email from my reg, returned my locker key. will miss dandy and the orange and lemon trees i walk past every day on ann st. ;p my favourite bits of scenery besides the budding rose bushes. :)
not really looking forward to starting ED, but well. 2 down, 4 to go! 87% doctor.
8:04 pm
double take!
when typing to someone about my aunty coming to visit, i nearly typed "my aunty and uncle" haha. ;p my aunty and future uncle! but "my aunty and her boyfriend" sounds weirder.
left hospital early again today. :| i realise i'm supposed to still be trying to impress people, but there was really nothing to do. i hung around to watch a skin biopsy, but after that, really nothing.
felt the urge to shop again. ha, i sound like a shopaholic. but no, i didn't. well i grocery-shopped. and bought printer ink. but that was it. :)
cooked! for the first time in a long while. i still don't like cooking. used the scanpan and wondered if she regrets buying it for me.
for some reason, that was quite unexpected. at first i thought it was someone else haha.
i think i won't have the guts. :( sigh.
more cover letters.... and some O&G revision haha. 8 down, 4 to go.
one day at a time. :)
1:41 am
20110526
25.3.3
wrote a few more cover letters. i think i'm only halfway done. but i do actually want to sleep a bit earlier tonight..
contemplating bringing my camera to work. ;p probably makes more sense to do that on friday though haha. think i will. for fun. ;p and also just cos i'm sad that i haven't really been taking photos. -.-
one more cover letter and then sleep. :)
1:14 am
20110525
what if Your blessings come through raindrops
what if Your healing comes through tears
what if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know You're near
what if trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise
but the rest of the day has been pretty good. :)
concluded that if i stay up past 1am i won't hear my alarm. thankfully i woke up, looked at the colour of the sky, and thought i'd better wake up. and it was already 7.15 haha.
clinic ward round. sat around a table and wrote notes in the files. had martina's farewell morning tea. everyone liked my brownies! :D the reg and a nurse asked for the recipe haha. then the reg went, "okay i taught you for your modules, so you have to teach me how to bake!" and then we had a long conversation about baking. ;p it was quite funny.
called a GP, who wasn't around. then there was really nothing else to do, so the resident said i could go off. :) went to chaddy and spent a lot of money. :x will go calculate how much later so i can scare myself into not shopping for a while. :| but was quite happy with my purchases haha. bought frankie! :) and had boost juice. :) because i was dying of dehydration.
been having weird meals. wasn't hungry at lunch time because of the morning tea, then got really hungry in chaddy, but only ate when i got home at about 4.30. this must be why i'm losing weight. was 41.5 yesterday. :\ at the rate i'm going, i think i'll be 4o by the time i go back to sg. skeleton lor.
bought sawdust for mousey too, she's so smelly. will have to clean her cage before my aunty comes. oh and my vs arrived! ;p
thickened water is really weird. it looks like gel. it's like eating gel. eww. and level 900 + extra thickener is even worse. no wonder they don't want to drink/eat and become dehydrated.
9:04 pm
20110524
my mother said the design is actually quite nice. ;p halfway there! think there's a pretty good chance it'll be a yes.. since she couldn't give me a reason against it.
i really feel like i'm on holiday. well, just for a night i suppose.. after being so stressed. :3 my normal heart rate is 60+. ten minutes before the presentation it was 90. one minute before it was my turn it was definitely 100+ (i didn't actually check my pulse rate because it would have been weird in front of the LT). haha. that's just me. at least i didn't get abdo pain. but then i didn't even have lunch. social anxiety disorder!
have to make a list of things to get at chaddy tomorrow. not particularly excited because i don't really have money.. haha. but i still want to get things anyway.
waiting for the brownies to cool. hope they look more like those in the picture when they're cut. don't have a container to bring them in tomorrow...
my contact dermatitis always gets worse after i bake. a lot of washing involved.. dishes and hands. the pulps of my fingers feel weird.
would like to do something like go to a museum or exhibition or play. sigh, that used to be easier.
11:34 pm
this is your life, are you who you want to be?
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose
think it's about time to drop the second family. think i can, too. most things have been done already for the year anyway.
spilt mocha all over my white top and phone when i got to the hospital. -.- spent some time cleaning it up but at least you can't really see the brown stains now. will have to use stain remover.. but it figures, this happens only on the day of my presentation, ha. have less confidence in my modcloth travel mug now! the cap is a bit weird.
ward round, called a patient's daughter and made his day. ;p listened to my reg teach another reg how to present, and watched as she did an abdo exam. presented my last module! yeay. :) am glad it's all done. oh and the reg bought me hot choc. :) she said "but you must have something, you're like slave labour!" sat through about half an hour of the team meeting, which started late.
cotw. had no idea what i was talking about, and didn't really know how to answer the questions either. but i did try, unlike in my pri school chinese oral exams, ha. but for some strange reason, the assessor thought i was "obviously well prepared" and "familiar with the material" or something like that. interesting, because i only prepped last night, ha. and yes, i really had no idea what i was talking about.
went back to the ward and didn't see any of the doctors so i decided to go home. ;p we're having a morning tea farewell for the old reg and i want to bake the caramel-filled choc brownies! :D though i could only find toffees and not caramel candies hmm. wonder if it'll still work.
the lady who was sitting outside smoking yesterday when we walked out of the hospital was there again this morning. and she was there again when i left. she should stop smoking so much. actually, she should stop smoking altogether.
kevin went to btp and helped me check out b&w developing, since i already bought my film. it's also $6! i love the btp photo shop. :) and i like the photo shop guys haha. they're always so ready to give advice on taking photos and everything. :) so passionate about what they do.
3 days to go. now that i have a nice reg i'm really quite reluctant to leave haha. but oh well, ED is only 4 days a week! ;p
8:09 pm
two more days to feel like running away. well, one and a half, really. but i still feel like running away! :(
need new shows. so many of mine have ended/ been cancelled! :( might be a good thing since i'm busy and stressed. but i really do need my shows, ha.
the new reg is so nice! ahhh. :) the new consultant also seems nice. she talks very slowly haha. and we're doing a clinic round tomorrow, which is weird. instead of going around on a ward round, the patients go into a room and the ward round is run like a clinic. i think it's weird.
the reg and resident each took one admission, and i got to go through a module with the reg. :) one more to go!
went to the pinewood photo shop to ask about passport photos, b&w film and processing, and 360 photos. the guy said processing b&w film is more expensive, and he can just develop normal colour film as b&w photos. can i consider that real? haha. and he processes 360, but i think it'll be very ex. and passport photos are so ex here too, should have done it in sg! but here they have all these rules.
care package arrived today! with random things like something called refreshaire, a bow top from cotton on, tiny post its, and a crs scrub top. needless to say, my favourite thing is the scrub top! ;p even though it's maroon haha.
went through most of the day not remembering it. in fact, in the morning i didn't even know if it was the 23rd or 24th. but of course i figured it out when the ward round started haha.
learned interesting things last night. it only serves to confuse me more.. but there are bigger things in my life at the moment. :|
so stressed ahh! can't wait for tomorrow to be over. must not run away. shall afford myself another few minutes of t time and then muggg.
from a couple who've been married for 86 years:
Question: You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?Answer: Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together. We are individuals, but accomplish more together.
Question: At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Answer: Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win
12:32 am
20110523
a little bit of not wanting to is a step up from wanting to, in this case. two steps forward, one step back?
i agree that we're still close(ish) because we all blog. :) love! wish i could have been there for teppan as well. best chawanmushi! in aug/sept maybe? :)
keep having ice cream cravings when i'm home and warm.
my friend has nicely prevented me from escaping. more work to do tomorrow, but it'll have to wait till tomorrow.
talked to other people, i think that's really what a friendship is for. never really thought about friendships being pointless before, hmm.
sore throat! and rhinorrhoea. :( hope tomorrow will be a short day.
watch as i leave with every piece of you
don't underestimate the things that i will do
i keep listening to this! really like adele's voice, but i also like the glee version.
1:29 am
20110522
*day = the next month or sofeel like baking this sometime. :) though i think it'll be very rich heh. will go well with vanilla bean ice cream! :)
trying to get out of that.... hmm. the bane of my life.
paper class was a bit zz but i really like the box haha. ;p
yes that's all. will go write a cover letter now.
9:07 pm
20110521
turn my sorrow into treasured gold
yellow foods for breakfast. scrambled eggs and banana milk. ;p was nice to sleep in for a bit! got out of bed at about 9 haha.
lunch at ivy's house with the other sheep. :) so much food. ate until i was full and continued eating haha. fat. and my patient's son is ivy's patient haha.
anto helped me clean my lens! :D and taught me a bit. :) am still sad about my TWO rolls of wasted film and photos. :( but i am 100% sure i loaded this roll properly heh.
bought egg tarts and uggs! ;p hahaha. watched POTC4 in 3D. really dislike wearing 3D glasses. gave ian's away to kelsey. thought the movie was not bad though? but i'm not really a huge fan of potc.. don't think i watched all the previous ones too..
once again... the record remains unbroken. interesting.
don't want to write cover letters or do cotw prep tonighttt.
11:37 pm
there's a fire starting in my heart
reaching a fever pitch
and it's bringing me out the dark
3 cover letters done.. though now i think about it i'm not so sure about one of them. and i don't know who to address them to.
code yellow in the hospital today. the reaction of the admin staff nearby was quite funny. "stay inside and lock the doors! there could be someone running around with a knife!"
really weird meals today. lunch at breakfast time, yoghurt at lunch time, cup noodles at tea time, and ice cream at dinner time. so i really only had one proper meal hmm. and i'm hungry now!
am thankful that i didn't have to drive to kensington. :) was nice being a passenger for once! :)
rather reluctant to give up something i put quite a lot of effort into. thought for a while that it would be difficult to pick it back up again.. but after a bit more thinking, i realise that it actually doesn't really matter. still, to be polite, i will.
happy birthday opi! ♥
1:42 am
20110519
drove more than four hours today. by the end it was so difficult to keep my eyes open. :\ ironically, it wasn't today that i nearly crashed my car, ha.
no admissions today. i'm happy. woke up late, not sure why. didn't hear the alarm at all.. only woke up when david called at 7.47. !! got to hospital at 8.45 but it didn't really matter because things only started happening after the team meeting at 9.15. i think.
quick ward round, brown envelope, sensory exam, pr exam, took bloods. no calling GPs today. yesterday a GP told me he felt like he was being put on trial cos i asked him so many questions haha.
one last day with resident evil. one last day with the reg too. and i won't see the consultant anymore. so it's just the other resident. and the nurses, and physios and OTs, and social worker, and speech therapist, and ward clerk. ;p they're all quite nice people.
someone called me from a number starting with 08. according to google, that's from either WA, SA, or NT. wonder who it could be.. didn't answer cos i was driving. called back but no answer. hmm.
Outsourced has been cancelled. :( so upsetting! it was the best show ever! :(
think i am severely dehydrated. in layman terms. i'm really just thirsty.
10:26 pm
quote from glee:
When you love someone like I loved her, they're a part of you. It's like you're attached by this invisible tether, and no matter how far away you are, you can always feel them. And now every time I reach for that tether, I know there's no one on the other end, and I feel like I'm falling into nothingness.
such a sad episode! :'|
1:25 am
why am i even doing this?!
12:01 am
20110518
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. :)
parts of today were really bad. shall not talk about it. but i'm not sure what i should do.. or can do. was quite surprised on retrospect that i was so emotionless but i think i've reached the point of indifference.
nearly committed suicide today. not literally, of course. but i did contemplate telling my supervisor that i didn't want to be a doctor. it was all dramatic, with a nurse walking into the room to get a box of stuff in between, ha. but yes. nearly.
he's away next week, and so is the reg. so i'll be left with the resident (whom i've been getting negative vibes from the last week) and an unknown reg and consultant hmmm.
someone wants to swap their sim 2 with me. !! but yuwan says we can't do more than 2 sessions in each rotation, including the interactive lectures. and i've already done one sim. and she wants to swap for this fri, which is also really bad timing because i only have the next 3 days to impress my boss.
did half an admission, which was really bad especially after what my consultant just told me! but it was already 5.15 and i had to go. :\ went home to pick amy up, dropped by macs to get food, and went to the hisense arena. parked a million miles away and speed-walked, but we were still slightly late.
was so tired! and hungry. and i couldn't hear/ make out what the hillsong people were saying. and i'm probably quite outdated with hillsong songs but i think their ?new songs are really difficult to sing! was glad for some of the more familiar ones. without vision, people perish.
managed to find my car, which i was thankful for. ;p drove back with amy, yuwan, kelsey and grace. was hoping for someone else to drive haha because i was so tired. but the drive back wasn't too bad. lots of conversation about PR exams, OT retractor experiences, and asking grace to invent a machine to retract on our behalf.
got home at about 11 and had dinner, which i didn't have time to eat before. so full now.
no work tonight. shower and sleep!
1:32 am
20110517
1:32 am
hello. :)
finished my dementia module and did most of my delirium module! :) happy. also finished and scanned and emailed my vcat and aa worksheets.
anddd also signed up for the "Paper Accessories and Embellishments Workshop" in chaddy this sunday with zhilin, ivy, and chris! (yuwan is volunteering to be the babysitter instead.) eggcite! :D am also tempted to go for the other one but i don't think i have the creativity for it. :| so much for being an ex-art-clubber, ha!
and i'm also going for the hillsong one day conference (well, one night for me) tomorrow with amy. :)
busy day! supposed to present 2 modules tomorrow (incontinence and dementia), but i'm not really sure how that will play out considering there's a team meeting in the afternoon (and i'll disappear halfway for cotw again). and i don't want to leave too late because i'm planning to drive to the city, just so i don't have to take public transport back in the cold. though Skype has been gobbling down petrol the last week because of all the western eastern austin peninsula etc.
have been feeling like i'm going on road trips while driving the last week. drove over the west gate bridge! i only ever do that when i go on road trips (eg. grampians, maryborough, daylesford, geelong). we might have driven over it when we went to brown brothers too? i can't remember.
okay i think it's time to sleep. :) goodnight!
1:26 am
20110516
you are my sunshine! (there was no sun today. there was no sunshine either.)
anyway. am currently 42kg. and am averaging 42-43 rather than 43-44. what is up with that? this downward trend is rather worrying. i've given up on ever donating blood again.
drove to the peninsula campus this morning. without a gps! :) delirium workshop. came back, had lunch (leftovers), walked to uni to see the doctor. decided that it would not be possible to finish my film today (or rather, i didn't want to waste 6 shots on unimportant things), so i shall be patient.
so 2 repeats means a total of 3? is that right? i found an old script that says 1 repeat left hmm. but when will i get to go to uni during office hours again... i wonder.
case of the week presentation postponed till next week! :) because ivie's going for the hillsong conference. yay! i'd almost completely forgotten about it (and it was supposed to be tomorrow).
need to do a lot of things this coming weekend. mustn't forget about the lg outing thing on sat. "mustn't" is such a weird word.
collected my parcel from the post office after dropping hui ting off. it's from asos! don't know where my mother's parcel is. hope it arrives soon. anticipation! should arrive within the next few days i hope..
was at st kilda last night.. the tram stop where we took the sideways photo.
i've already forgotten what it is i thought people would strongly disapprove of. where is my mind these days..
forgot to return my sh library book, ahh! and it's past 5, meaning i'll get a fine, since i've already renewed it twice. must remember tomorrow.
one day....
7:41 pm
hello hello you called baby i can't hear a thing
had a durian smoothie last night, but it tasted like milk with a hint of durian. what i would like is durian puree or durian sticky rice! or even durian ccf haha.
church in uni today. michael and his iphone drums. light of the world. was freezing!
lunch at kang na roo. finished all my food. :O that hardly ever happens nowadays. the lady gave us all lollipops. :)
i have so many ward lists scattered around my room haha. oops.
and the m2m (murray to the mountains) thumbdrive is 2gb. not bad leh haha.
dinner at banff in st kilda. not bad but i'm really not a foodie. went to the pier to see the fairy penguins and water rats. actually saw a water rat for the first time, after going there at least 5 times haha. the penguins didn't really do much though. just made a lot of noise as usual.
finally bought another heater! yeay. :) warm and toasty.
tomorrow:
+ delirium workshop
+ collecting my parcel (!!)
+ developing my film (hopefully)
+ doctor's appointment
+ finishing my dementia module
12:01 am
20110515
there's oceans in between us, but that's not very far
CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAY
ha, angst. not really lah. just very tired. and trying to write my cv. not really working.
tried to bake a baguette. think i baked it for too long. though it didn't brown that much. and it looks so ugly haha. fat and ugly. to the person who asked, yes, uglier than you. and it has a weird smell. :\
baked a small "cake of bread" for yuwan, who i think is teaching a lesson on elijah and the jar of flour and jug of oil. it looks ugly too haha.
it's so cold and every time i go to kmart they don't have anymore fan heaters. :(
dinner at china bar. it reminded me of rice bar. and how the food i order always turned out nicer. ;p but ricer bar days were such a long time ago. cs2 days.. 2007?
"when you lose one, you lose both." so true.
was rather.. errrr.. that friday was on glee haha. zzz.
would like a day to sleep in.
1:04 am
20110514
am so tired! but what is new.
didn't get an interview with western. but whatever. collected lots of stuff and wrote my name and details down where i could. the three best things i got today: a cow stress ball, a duck stress ball, and a pen that looks like a syringe haha. ;p also, a thumbdrive!
spent a lot of time driving around, getting lost, and feeling frustrated and wanting to give up. rawr. but tat woon gave me a lift back to my car, which was nice. and john went around collecting free stuff with me. :) and also i was wearing my boots, which meant i could step in puddles without worrying. :)
reparked at a'beckett. had lunch at mekong. went to vic mart. most times i do that i miss living at a'beckett. the convenience of it all. melbourne central and qv. college. the state library.
was somewhat surprised by her comment.
realised that that has been decreasing though it really should not.
"one day, something will make you want to take them down."
met jason jay at the eastern talk yesterday. actually i saw him earlier at western and also at the austin i think. but at eastern we were going to get our interview dates, and he was holding a clipboard. then we both went "are you from fairfield?" haha. and the immediate question that followed was "you know ian right?" err... anyway we are all having interviews on the same day. jj, zepeng, chris, and i. how stressful haha.
one of my parcels has arrived! but it arrived yesterday afternoon and i only got back at 6 so i will only get to collect it on monday. at least i am freeish on mon though. :)
everyone is sleeping. i feel like sleeping too. but i am waiting for my dough to rise. shall watch some outsourced, yeay!
think i am too tired to go to ballarat tomorrow.
"you can do it!"
"do what?"
"life"
7:03 pm
20110513
steady feet, don't fall from under me
i've been doing so much driving that at this point, i wish i could car pool with other people who have cars so i can not drive. drove 3 hours today, and Skype has used almost a full tank in the last week.
am also exhausted, and thinking about the work i have to do plus friends visiting isn't really helping. particularly when they ask things of me i really don't have time to do. i would, if i had more time. but with all these hospital talks etc i really don't. :\
vcat and aa were rather rubbish today. didn't get to sit in any hearings and we've already learnt most of the stuff they told us. for the aussie students, anyway. and like i have been telling people, i already went to vcat last year.. the aa talk was just really boring, we were all trying to not fall asleep. sent yu en and zhen wei back too.
went for the sh talk and left early for lg. family and friends! heh. was really tired though. must be all the driving. went to pump petrol after.. $40 gone, sigh. and i'll be driving to western and eastern! why do they have to do that? i'll have to drive from southeast to west, to east, and back to southeast. -.-
strange recollections of things i don't normally think about or remember. for example, why is there a pair of chopsticks on my desk?
still nothing in the mail. :( sad.
my fingers are falling apart and i really wish i didn't have contact dermatitis. or even if i did have to have contact dermatitis, couldn't it be the allergic kind instead of irritant? can't i be allergic to some obscure thing that i don't have to come into contact with every day like water and soap? :( my fingers are in pain! :(
have been telling more people about how i don't want to be a doctor. but i still listen at hospital talks. someone told me about someone else who didn't get any metro job offers and sent his/her CV to all the rural hospitals and got a job. i think i should just do that. no interviews some more. and i don't really care where i am anyway. i don't even want to do the job, but i don't have a choice until i earn some money of my own (or find a rich guy who wants to marry me).
wispy bits of conversation over the last week. my friend is very busy. yuwan says the term i use is very sad. she thinks "significant friend" is a better alternative. whoever heard of anyone referring to anyone as a "significant friend," hmm?
can i please have some sun tomorrow? it's friday the thirteenth.
will you shine the light on this step that i am taking
will you shine the light so i can see just far enough
will you shine the light so i know i'm not forsaken
will you shine the light ahead
1:48 am
20110511
would like to go back to doing this one day (probably in the distant future), but with my fingers the way they are, i highly doubt it will be possible.
and also i am craving lavender ice cream at the moment (because i saw a picture of lavender cupcakes). would i go all the way back to daylesford for the lavender ice cream? hmmm.. i think i would actually. ;p
11:56 pm
today i don't feel like doing anything
i just want to lay in my bed
(this is me, every. single. day.)
hello. :)
thought it would be a short day since there were no discharges (and hence no admissions), but no, it dragged on. a lot of political stuff as well, SW2 wanted to transfer a patient to our ward because she had a lot of psych and behavioural issues they couldn't handle. -.- like that is a reason to transfer a patient? just turf it off to another ward? the nurses weren't very happy about that. but the SW2 doctors will still see that patient so it doesn't really affect the rest of us.
then there was the issue of the nurses not wanting us to do a lumbar puncture on the rehab ward because they didn't want to do obs more often. i suppose it's fair in a way.. we weren't really sure how safe an LP would be in him anyway.
but political things aside, i wrote notes, took blood and sent it off to path, looked at a patient who had a (sort of) fall, did warfarin dosing, did MMSEs with interpreters, called a GP, looked up blood test results, presented a module, listened to office gossip. found out that the OT is the same age as me, i never would have guessed.
he keeps not breaking the record. but i really don't know why. whyyyy.
raining like mad outside. want to sleep again. but it's been raining the whole day.. and i heard it was hailing too.
trying to figure out how to get to places tomorrow. it's going to be a long day. vcat, aa (alzheimer's association), sh pre-intern talk, combined lg. though i'm really not sure how much of the combined lg i'll be there for, considering the sh talk goes from 5.30 till 8.30pm.
will be in the city tomorrow but the weather forecast says rain (and more rain for the next few days). :( not good for photos! and i'm rather determined to take some since i lost the last 36 shots. :\
going to watch nurse jackie and eat another muffin and read the articles they gave us for vcat. :) then sleep! yeay. such a pig.
10:14 pm
goodnight :)
12:53 am
20110510
for some reason i kept thinking that the 5D lecture was today instead of next tuesday. and strangely, there were people reinforcing that haha. so weird.
am annoyed that i still feel ugh though i am on treatment. :( though i suppose it is much improved.. so i really have no right to complain. :\ and no i'm not on antidepressants, ha.
wedges were a disappointment today. presented a patient and filled in the goals, issues, and fim at the case conference this arvo. left early for cotw. went back to the ward and did an mmse, the lady got 29/30. the lady i did an mmse with in the morning got 11/30. :| but she's 93. the resident was already doing the admission for the new patient, yeay. escaped.
there's this patient who had a stroke and now can't speak or move her right arm and leg. i haven't really spoken to her because i don't know how, she can't answer and even her yes/no can be unreliable according to speech therapy. you can tell she's frustrated by her inability to communicate.. but i really don't know what i can do to help her. :\ went to just hold her hand for a while. sigh.
anyway. rewound my typewriter ribbon (finally, i know!). :) did some typing. made a lot of mistakes on envelopes.
figured out where i can put another clothes rack in my room (which you may know has very limited space, especially with the ridiculous amount of junk i have accumulated over the many years). but i don't have a screwdriver (because someone borrowed my entire ikea toolbox and didn't ever return it) so i can't fix it. grumbles. should not lend things to anyone, that's how i keep losing my things and end up having to buy new ones. :(
was looking at events on fb and saw this: "CG durian party!" and i was like, whaaattt?! haha. turns out it's edwin wong's cg. and also woei xi's cg? weird how everyone is interconnected like that haha. but sigh. it's durian season and i am missing all the mao shan wang bingeing. :( please let there still be some when i go back in aug!
10:36 pm
PEP TALK/ self-psychoing
+ rediscovering old music in picky :) and putting them into the old ipod+ kittens on sale for $150!
+ mousey is so cute :3
+ watched to be fat like me (penny from tbbt is in it)
+ kevin returned me the flat mattress-like things
+ friends who try to pick me up from this slump
- my printer is running out of ink :(
- being at brandon park today reminded me of that accidental meeting
- back to hospital tomorrow
- need to learn to survive on less sleep (and more coffee?)
- i am having chest pain -.- but as usual, it is R sided
1:41 am
20110509
sew this up with threads of reason and regret
so i will not forget, i will not forget
how this felt one year six months ago i know
i cannot forget, i cannot forget
i can tell that you don't know me anymore
it's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
and being on this road is anything but sure
maybe we'll forget, i hope we don't forget
6:28 pm
20110508
i do enjoy my time with you
making the most of everything we do
decided to take tomorrow off. mental health day. no judging!
just a random bit about pp;
i've never lived there but i feel sort of like i grew up there too. in primary school, i went there for cell group and a kids club thing my mother and her friends held at the void deck. in secondary school, we moved to chs (chapel of the Holy Spirit), and i went there for services and cell group. in my few weeks in j2, after sa had moved to pp, i was there every day, for school on weekdays and in church on weekends. my father's clinic is there. i used to eat and study at the mcdonalds there before church. the milo peng at kong peng is really good... thinking about it now makes me realise it was a bigger part of my life than i remembered. random, i know. anyway. so sad that it was lost to pap. but they are petitioning for a by-election. it closes at 8. go sign it please! ;p
10:31 pm
hello. i am so tired! and i forgot that i was supposed to go to berwick to visit belle today! but i will. with mang mang, yuwan, and chris. :)
was supposed to do work today, sigh. :( i don't want to go to hospital tomorrow. i foresee myself falling sick tonight.
went to photocopy the bulletin this morning. it isn't too complicated, though historically i'm terrible with photocopiers.
read GE updates on twitter when i woke up. and aster was passionately complaining about pap after church haha. i think i'll go back to apathy for a while... maybe once my fb home page isn't constantly filled with random bits of GE info/ comments/ analytical notes.
realised something about the situation for the first time. and it's been more than two months. another sad thing to add to the list.. but. happy mother's day. :)
really liked the song chiann wrote. :)
my mother said she sent me a parcel with interesting things inside. wonder what she sent.. should arrive soon i hope. :) but i'm expecting quite a few other things haha. over-excitement after getting my credit card back, oops.
waiting for my parents' service to end so i can call my own mother and wish her.
half an hour.... i'll just watch some gg, sigh.
4:13 pm
am extremely sad because i didn't load my film properly, and hence have lost 36 shots of my life. :( :( :( *cries* will never let that happen again.
brunch at mart130 was good. :) although we sat outside and it was cold. corn fritters! though now my photos are lost. :( sad.
we were late for the austin talk.. traffic was terrible. why! it was a saturday afternoon! :( sigh. nearly fell asleep during the talk. the anaesthetics song was funny though. ;p
have been feeling like sleeping particularly when i'm driving. well, okay, not really. i feel like sleeping all the time.
but i am really stressed. feels like i am approaching that point again... and i am really tired of this.
12:06 am
20110507
and it might be a lifetime till
i see your face again
or time could have its way with me
so we could just be friends
you and i will both be fine
i'll move on i'm sure with time
until we meet again, friend
farewell goodbye
- Just a Boy, Sophie Joy Madison
11:08 am
was such a rawr day. went to hospital wanting to leave early. i think that really made a difference, ha. was so sian the whole day. especially the morning. :\
the resident asked the reg if she could leave "a bit early" today. she left at 11! the poor reg was swamped. and i had an extended lunch break. :x but i managed to get an appointment to see the doctor, yeay! :)
when i went back to the ward after lunch, the reg told me that the two new patients were already there, and she asked me to do an admission. so i picked the patient with the smaller stack of notes. but then after a while i found out that there was another huge pile of notes hidden somewhere else! and altogether her notes were more than the other patient's! :( plus she didn't speak english.
but in the end i didn't finish the admission also. went to examine her with the reg, but left at 5 so i would have time to cook. ;p poor reg. but poor me also. didn't have time to do stuff for my modules. :| sigh.
adium isn't working.
somehow it's always the weekend...
1:02 am
20110505
zomg best way to store film photos ever! :D
and also, my ex-GP just called and said he'd be happy to be my referree. :) and i figured out when i can go see the doctor too! will call tomorrow, hope there's a free slot. any doctor will do, really.
10:40 pm
hello from dandy! :) waiting for ivy.. but i finished work at 4.40 anyway so it isn't a very long wait haha.
the ride here was quiet this morning. :) it was a nice change. :) though it made me more sleepy haha. especially since my plan to sleep early last night failed.
i hope that happens. (five minutes after typing this, i cannot remember what 'that' refers to. -.- and also when writing up the admission i keep having to switch windows because i can't remember more than 2 numbers of the blood test results at once. my stm is terrible.)
admitted a new patient again today. need to do an mmse tomorrow. and i should go back later to check if the GP's receptionist did actually fax the reports over.
remembered at 9.45pm last night that i was supposed to go out to fill Skype up. but i was already warm and cozy! :( but oh well.
someone said something interesting to me last night. hmmm.
sent in the avant survey in the tiny sliver of hope of getting a $200 myer voucher haha.
yay going to mart130 on sat! :D
though the temperature is dropping so fast. it already feels like winter. :( 3 months to go!
hello, good morning, how'd you do
what makes your rising sun so new
7:11 pm
20110504
don't stop thinking about tomorrow~
it could have been lost in the mail, or received. who knows?
anyway, the vs has been shipped! ;p 3 weeks. not that i'd have any use for it now haha.
there are 4 new patients on the ward. met them briefly. did mmses on two. took blood from another patient for a synacthen test. admitted a new patient.
was too lazy to cook today.
watched himym, nurse jackie, and glee. :)
don't want to do work zzz. can't wait for the weekend again. two days to go.
and that would be a nice break too..
11:09 pm
my head feels like it's going to explode! :( tension headache since 5pm. and it isn't going away.. getting worse if anything. i need to sleep.
but i think i'm still going to have to wait at least an hour. :\ probably more.
my head is so tired.
and i have my second practical sim on that monday. should try to swap...
1:17 am
20110503
sadness things
pjc northside is a psychogeriatric residential facility. so it reminded me of biala at kingston! ;p though biala seemed to have more happening patients haha. was the model for the lifting and standing machines. being lifted in the lifting machine is more comfortable than being lifted in the standing machine. talked to a patient for like 3 minutes before she said she was in pain and asked me to go, ha.
lazy day, but lots of driving. went to chaddy after the visits to look for my GP, but he wasn't there. left a message with the receptionist, and drove home. and i have to drive to hawthorn later too.
would like to check my sitting and standing bp, i'm pretty sure i get postural drops.
headache! :(
i generally don't like driving a full car of people. firstly, because my car is tiny and i feel like it would be crampy for the people behind. and secondly, all i can see in the rear view mirror is someone's head haha. ;p
what is up with guys anyway.
7:25 pm
when life hands you lemons..some blogs, i read for fun (ie. to stalk them). some i read because i want to know what happens in their lives (i don't consider this stalking because they are actual friends). and some i read because they are so encouraging. :)
i really hate ecgs. :(
and i feel like sleeping now haha. but i only need to leave at 9 tomorrow! so late compared to the usual 7.30. ;p
need to see the doctor again somewhat soonish but i really don't know when i have the time. :\ wish he could just write me a million repeats.
1:10 am
20110502
looked through archives but for some reason i can't find it in my blog! oops. but oh well.
got lost getting to moorabbin today. -.- how ridiculous right. should have just stuck to clayton rd and centre rd, big sigh. but nevermind i won't make the same mistake again haha.
so i was late for sim centre, which made me more stressed about it. that, and how there were no friends. :( but oh well. there are only 3 sessions.
scenarios were scary. didn't know what to do. but then i didn't lead so it wasn't too bad. did workshops on airway, circulation, medication safety and lumbar punctures.
dropped by clayton on the way back. didn't get lost! haha.
my credit card arrived! -.- 1.5 days too late, oh well. ordered the vs! ;p trying to decide if i should order from asos also haha since there's free shipping. but two of the things i wanted most are now out of stock. :(
decided to take a step back from looking into all the political stuff haha, since i'm not going to vote anyway. and it's all so confusing. and i can't see anything for myself. so.. yes.
and osama is dead. isn't it weird that the names obama and osama are so similar?
i am so stressed leh. i'm in 5th year, i'm not supposed to be stressed (it seems like no one else is stressed). D:
and my ipod battery is super annoyingly lousy. :( what makes it worse is that i can't see the battery bar since my brother stepped on it years ago. but my ipod is 5.5 years old now..
tomorrow after mow and racf i have to go to chaddy to find my ex-GP, and go to some post office to send a note. possibly the one in chaddy, then i will be tempted to shop haha. oops, realised that i still have one last local stamp so i don't have to go to the post office after all..
but still have to go to swinburne! can i just get a ride from someone else? :3
10:43 pm
20110501
the human heart is a scary part in fact
'cause i could break you and you could break me back
though my head says just forget it
you'll get hurt and you'll regret it
ask me now and i won't hesitate
i thought about it long and hard today
i realised i'm standing in our way
usually my judgment's better
but with your blue eyes, hey whatever
ask me now and i won't hesitate
anyway. stopped deferring, yay. i think?
where is that person anyway! hurry come back.
still waiting for a reply on that haha. actually i really don't see what it has to do with other people. then i worry that that might be a warped perception. :\
went shopping with yuwan after church. ;p bought a yellow a&f hoodie, which was my best buy! because the original price was $90 and it was marked $60. didn't realise that there was a 40% discount, making it $36. and i asked for an additional discount because it was the display piece and had some grey marks. so i got it for $20! haha. think i was so happy cos i thought it was $60 haha. ;p
other than that, i also got a white top from dotti and some random things from typo. but my favourite of all the things i bought wasn't even for me. ;p it's so cool! but it'll have to sit in its box for quite some time before it gets used (if ever). but it's cool and i love it. yeay. :)
my books are overdue! :( grumbles. didn't realise i borrowed them that long ago. sian.
returned shaun his muffin trays. still don't know where my non-stick tray is. and i think the round tray i used to bake the cheesecake is the third i've bought since coming to melb. where are all of them disappearing to, i wonder.
have been back in melb for 2 weeks. that means.. hello contact dermatitis! i'm losing my fingerprints again. though i did try using my right thumb once at the immigration thing and it didn't work haha. ;p as long as my skin doesn't crack open, i'm happy enough.
'cause it's you and me, and all other people
with nothing to do, and nothing to lose
in a sense, really.. nothing to lose anymore.
so anyway, it's 8.30 and i feel like sleeping! :3
and it's may omg.
10:32 pm
hello.
it seems that my calendar of when which shows are screened is all messed up. but nevermind. i check regularly anyway haha.
carried nat for the first time today. :3 carrying other people's babies scare me haha. unless they are neonates. neonates don't squirm as much.
helped david with ohp today since christina wasn't well. felt a bit lost also haha, it's been so long.
ooh boy.
cheesecake was finished! yay. always have no mood to eat things i've baked, especially if they're leftovers. but i still have 2 pieces in the fridge (they couldn't fit in the tupperware). and this attempt wasn't as good as the first i think. must be the self raising flour. :\ or the cream of tartar.
going shopping! :D
the sacrifices you make with film.
and being ignored as usual. -.- such a pain, but not enough of one. if you know what i mean.. there's obviously something wrong with me. why was i wired this way...
4:07 pm
i am so tired (of this).
1:29 am