fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

who taught the sun where to stand in the morning
and who told the ocean, you can only come this far
and who showed the moon where to hide till evening
whose words alone can catch a falling star


drove behind an L plater this afternoon. signaled left, cut into the right lane.

started my project. :D

it's only 7.45 and i'm tired enough to go to bed.


heard this on the radio while driving home from church.

"the good thing is that i get to play music.. and i get paid to play it. the weird thing is that i really love narnia, and i want to live there."

sometimes i get stressed to the point of near-implosion. i think.

am starting to think i should try prophylactic paracetamol for when i want to take one or two-hour naps to avoid feeling horribly hungover after that. which is kind of weird, considering i have never been hungover before. i suppose it's what i think being hungover feels like.

miss the bf.


so stressed lah. the idea of running away is so tempting... unfortunately it is impossible and i should stop entertaining the thought. goodnight.


just goes to show how different people can be.





sometimes it surprises me.. :)

medline is so much faster on uni computers. am hoping to do (and finish) my assignment today. :3 thought i had nothing to write but i suppose 1000 words is quite manageable haha. 390 words so far and am finishing up the case part. okay right? will have about 550 words for discussion..

eyes are so tired though. i keep stopping to use eye caffeine haha. have been sleeping a bit more the last two days but it doesn't make up for sleeping at 4 last night.. wonder how i ever managed to survive on like 4 hours of sleep in jc and not fall asleep in class. must be all the people and food (and snoring guys). ;p tuna puffs and haribos, sigh. still thinking about the soursop ice blended they didn't have when we went back to visit. :(

RAH. intended to go for the surg lect.. but then i can't be bothered. will just try to finish this assignment..


how underhanded.

weird things in phil's psych notes:
Schizoid PD: Love is the hardest part of success.

"what is wrong with you?!" is something i think a lot but hardly ever verbalize.

seriously how long does it take for CT results to come back?


this is precisely why i am worried.


FIGHTING.

have become so used to EMQs that i was a bit baffled by the MCQs in the 2008 women's and children's paper. it was a torturous paper.

i cannot do any of the ebcp questions. and what is the point of asking the same questions in the two papers? can someone just tell me the answers so i can memorize them in case they ask the same questions this year? -.-


she is searching for a hero to ride in
to ride in and save the day

tired. been quite blur also, hopefully i don't forget to go for anything i'm supposed to go for this week haha. we have a baby tute today. :)

wanted to sleep at 7+ but then i realised that you can't really do that when you have to do something at exactly the same time every day (not really, but i am just a bit obsessive).

so plan b was to do a paper. did the gp/psych one. obviously need to study. :\ but when i was doing the first part of the via it seemed a lot more difficult. :\

printed gp notes until my brain stopped working and i couldn't print things out properly anymore.

kind of awkward that i can only ask one person all the questions that i want to ask but then i don't really want to ask that person. well we'll see what happens. i hope it isn't anything serious.

life, isn't it.

can't do it anymore
- it isn't worth it
- i have no more energy
- i don't want to


for a while i thought i could do it. maybe not after all.


i wish resources were infinite. should really stop looking so hard into things that should not happen. it raises hopes only to disappoint. either that or it leads to some impulsive decision that i don't have a right to make anyway.

18 days to go. i don't even know what to study anymore. paeds, GP, psych.

finally cleaned the mouse cage. can't remember how i even started keeping mice in the first place?

had a bizarre dream about a dog nursing thirteen baby rabbits.


tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree
it's been three long years
do you still want me


about to lose my breath
there's no more fighting left
sinking to rise no more
searching for that open door


today i saw a kid with cervical lymphadenopathy for 2 years and i wondered how that could be and why his mother didn't bring him to see anyone sooner. i only just realised that i've had lymphadenopathy for about a year as well.. haha. no idea why.

note to self:
i still have an assignment to do.


"you wouldn't download bread."
"i don't think you can even begin to imagine how much bread i would download."

# most likely not going for ortho clinic. zzz.


and all you're ever gonna be is mean.

the reg set up a symphony account for me today. :)

had dinner at sofia's and took some photos with the AE-1. just a few to test it indoors.

my moleskine arrived yesterday. :) too bad now all i can think about is the dehp and getting cancer and birth defects. :(

no direct flights on the 11th but i'll settle for a transit. :)


when you wish upon a star
makes no difference who you are

on second thought, i might not chop my hair off yet. i like the flowiness too much. ;p

was at the paeds ED with T. photocopied his surg attendance sheet so i don't have to go and find lia. admissions.. too many screaming kids/ babies in the ED. i much prefer babies crying to screaming.

my eyes are tired.

there is a chihuahua at home. it's nursing a little kitten! i hope it survives. waiting to get the story on why a dog is nursing the kitten in the first place.. actually it might be quicker if i just ask my sister haha. if i had a chihuahua i would not name it princess though.

cannot wait.





i don't want that to happen.. but i know it will anyway.

woke up late today. :| ian finally appeared and accompanied me before i went to hospital.

played a daniel choo youtube while on skype.
"is that sebas? it sounds like him. so whiny."
;p haha!

went to the surg lecture, which started late. so i had to leave halfway. :( went to the ED by myself cos Z's car died. after using the most avagard i have ever used in a long time, my finger is dying. :(

wonder why you had to make it sound bad when it wasn't really.

person x is becoming exceedingly irritating ugh. even more irritating than the previous person x! should just block them, really.

..so lazy to go and bathe.





didn't get much studying done. :| time is running out.. yuwan has been sticking reminders on my door. 26 days on friday..

celebrated her birthday with the malaysians. :) she gave a really long speech haha.

got to skype with ian. :) it's been less than a week actually.

i keep forgetting the time.


i heard a nice song on the radio but i forgot the words.

it's been raining the whole of today. apparently it's going to snow in mt dandenong tomorrow (though they said it won't settle). i suppose they need the rain. but can't it rain at night instead? :\ though i suppose hail in summer is weirder than snow in mid spring haha.

went out without money or my debit card. -.- how dodo is that? fortunately all i needed was $2 and i managed to find that in my car (it was supposed to be my carwash fund ;p).

had our bedside tute with aveldman this morning (just Z and i). his goal for these 4 weeks is to inspire us to do neonatology. ;p ♥ i am going to be so happy looking at babies during bedside tutes the next 3 weeks. :D

FINISHED HEALTH ECONS. :D yay! i'm still ignoring ebcp.. will wait for an email haha.

now i want a film scanner/ a digitaliza (but then i'd still need a regular scanner). there are some reasonably-priced film scanners on ebay but 1) i don't know if they're dodgy and 2) i'm not sure if they can scan the sprockets. it would probably be a lot cheaper in the long run.. and there'd be more quality control, ha.

really have to resist shopping till after exams. too impulsive, sigh.

also, the boyfriend is back from kl today! i think. i wanted him to buy me a moleskine, but he said there's dehp which causes cancer and birth defects (i said i'm not going to get pregnant anytime soon). anyway i already got one. -.- (see what i mean by impulsive?)

anyway, i am divulging too many secrets here. not that anyone actually reads it anymore. banana blogged. :) i like her blog entry. :) although it still doesn't give me any insight to her life! the most i have is probably the free birth control and free STI screen in her campus. ;p


the family holiday plans keep changing. now it's kota kinabalu?

and my grandmother has decided that i should go home earlier. ;p 11 dec! just 4 days earlier haha. why my grandmother? because she pays for all my air tickets.. i'm assuming she's paying to change my flight too. thank you opi! :)

my he tutor emailed me about my endless weeks of undone he's. zz. have to do them all by 28 oct? rawr. :<

the past few mornings on my way to hospital i've driven past this white and orange cat. and each morning as i drive past, it looks at me and i look at it. i always want to stop to see if it's friendly but then i'll be late..

she's quite odd indeed. over-friendly, annoying, weirdly inappropriate sometimes. complicated shady history.. can't figure her out.

i don't usually hold out for this long.. what happens next?


went to endoscopy and watched a colonoscopy, gastroscopy, and PEG. kind of weird that happy apple was converted to endoscopy..

baked a blueberry cheesecake. there's a huge crack down the middle, as usual. :\ oh well.

my spinner arrived! :) went to pick it up. :) will read the instruction manual at some point (after the exams, hopefully) to figure out how to make it more consistently 360 degrees. and how to open the camera back haha.

sleepy...


while attempting to find other things in my ehd, i found this:
it was written by sam, the same sam who unexpectedly wished me happy birthday on fb and has now disappeared! can't even remember when that was.. at a camp probably?

anyway, i tried to find the original, but i don't think i have it here. looked through all my other notebooks along the way.. quite a few of them are half-used. most have random doodles in them. i used to do that.. i should do that again. :)

also found the blackbook which ian gave me in 2007. i think it was 2007? he never used to date things (now he does because he has a new stamp). also my metcard from 3 march! haha. when i was dodo enough to still use single daily metcards. added to the book..

and also found a letter i wrote to the frog at the beginning of 2007. i must have written him another version.. but i think i'll send him this one anyway haha.


i'm actually very thankful that i have these already-done directed activities so i don't have to do them myself.

bcanny posted via past papers on blackboard? though seriously i don't see how i'm going to have any time to study for the via at all.

one of the rescued miners gave the rescuers rocks as souvenirs. ;p

i am going to struggle through the rest of this set of notes and then i'm going to sleep. or something.

going to send my police check out tomorrow.

turns out exams are at caulfield after all. :( oh well. at least my mother will be here to drive us and i won't have to even think about parking.

trying to peel just the right amount of skin off my finger. i think it's getting better?

planning to bake a cheesecake tomorrow. obviously i am getting more stressed (you can also tell from my face).


i do actually study sometimes, but i tend to forget what i do study. which makes life difficult for me. especially when put on the spot. which is why.. nevermind.

whatsapp > twitter dm but i suppose twitter is more reliable, just that i don't get push notifications. :\ which means i'll be checking it obsessively haha.

i wonder why the straits times stopped sending me daily emails. now i just read the nonsense that gets tweeted haha. i suppose i could just go to the website but then i'm too lazy. maybe his membership expired.

that time of the year again. re-enrolment and police check. have to get all the admin stuff done before i forget all about them.

what do you know about distance?

p/s i have resorted to using medicated plasters. officially an old woman.


they pray on klove radio. and they are "listener-supported," which is why they don't have advertisements. wish 89.9 was like that too.

Name as in NRIC.
i didn't know how to fill this in. i literally had to go and look at my IC. -.- haha. too used to filling it in the way i have to do it here.

bought a world map, ha. so much for waiting for my spinner to arrive before buying something else. 27 november is (?) buy-nothing day (or something like that). haha i should make most days buy-nothing days.

booked my basic theory test to convert my license haha. if and when i get my singapore license, i won't have to be on green P's anymore! which means i can drink and drive. ;p hahaha i mean, i can go wine tasting and still drive. though i bet my BAC wasn't exactly zero when we drove back from the brown brothers' epicurean centre.

and my sister tweeted:
Omg my grandma so cute, she said she's gonna psycho my granddad to sell his 7 series for a vw beetle.
haha! i hope she does. i hope he does. that's a reasonable car to drive. :) it would be nice having a car to drive around in sometimes. one that isn't ridiculously long like daddy's or ridiculously wide like tata's or ridiculously tall and boxy like my mother's. i hope they get a red one. ;p haha if it ever happens.

since i was tweeting to her about promos, hmm. promos was probably the only time in my life i did better for physics than chem. ;p must be because of mr fong and ms ong! haha. okay and physics spas in j1 were really easy. my conclusion is still that foundation was so much easier. ;p

backache. :( shoulderache. ugh i feel like an old woman.

1.5 pages to go. DON'T WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE LAH. :< 29 days.


printed a lot of notes today. i'm amazed at how much ink ian's printer has. but i bet it'll die soon. if i keep doing this. i've only done the paeds ones haha.

it's only been a week.

i want to pass this year not for the right reasons. what is the right reason? either way, i still want to pass, right?

one month to exams. well. minus a day. sigh.

i want a longer swotvac please.


it is a choice.

put ribena in the freezer and forgot about it till it was frozen.

there's a video on fb about indomie but i don't understand it because it's in chinese. -.- now i'm worried.

i realised that my mother's plan will not work. have to come up with a plan b.

osces at mmc this year.

synesthesia is cool.


this morning T and i went to find babies to do baby checks on. there were twins waiting to be discharged so we did one each. after doing the baby checks the nurse asked us if we wanted to feed them since we woke them up (they were happily sleeping behind the nurse's station before we disturbed them).

they were so cute. :) and their mother was like taking photos of us feeding them. ;p

then i came home and had an entire footlong sub for lunch. i don't even know how i managed to eat that much. fat.

my legs are aching and i don't know why. actually i think it's because i went for a walk yesterday. so unfit. :(

someone please make me study before i fail 4th year.


mei got a dog!! :O want to visit it sometime. :)

i hate how my apartment is so cold all the time. it's so nice and warm outside but it's cold inside! i have to wear a cardi. :(

my finger is dying and i'm not sure why.

am still upset about my yarn which only matches under yellow light. :( all my crocheting down the drain.

couldn't resist and went for a walk just now. :) didn't see any cats or horses though. :( thankfully i didn't meet ahem anyone either. :3 was a nice walk. :)

everyone is wanting to move out next year. i wonder what would be the best.. and the most economical.. considering i'm only going to be here for four months (april - august) and then about 1.5 months at the end of the year. i think i'll still want to stay in rusden house, especially since i have so much stuff. :\ i'll miss my bed though.

and i still haven't figured out what to do with the mouseys! :\

i'll miss my long hair when i chop it off.

need to study ugh i am so unmotivated.


as much as i hate my retainers, i kind of like them.

today i realised that i haven't felt dead tired while driving.. in a long time. that's a good thing i suppose.

so i found out that they've actually started renting out the rusden house apartment. before we took possession of it. what does that mean exactly? do i get to collect rent from before, when they started renting it out? i wanted to see what it was like! :< rawr.

it costs $12 to travel to kl by train? we used to travel down from kl. a couple of times at least? haha. the rides were really long and there was nothing to do. so my grandfather taught me solitaire.

i am so lazy to reply all the fb messages though i know i really should. gah. especially unexpected people like sam zhuang and lulu who sent me a wooden postcard from yosemite. ;p

it's 101010! and also fifteen. :)


finally made the mars bars slice. so mars barsy.. also made porridge for lunch! yay. i am always accumulating meat in the freezer, meat i will probably end up never cooking.

whatsapp is laggy. backpacker's in kl have wifi? really? i hope he doesn't die while doing weird things like hiking in kl. yes, hiking in kl. what? and i think we have broken a recent record..

paeds directed activities.. so annoying, ugh. i can't wait for this to be overrr.

my mother is going to try to get aunty linda to change my dec flight. ;p 4 days earlier is still 4 days earlier right? :)

reminder to self:
- re-enrol
- police check
- insurance


i admire people who have the motivation to cook every meal of every day.


the boyfriend is cutting up fake grass. what?

and his mother wants me to read this book about how calcium causes osteoporosis. it's quite boring, has a lot of epidemiology haha (i read bits of it online). i never buy things like that because of what i am taught at med school. and it usually takes too much effort to try and decide if their sources are credible. but she says she's going to ask me questions about it when i'm done...

i feel like a zombie. :( was dead tired this morning, as i have been for the last three days. so i decided that since there was no directed activities/ case based tute this afternoon i would come back after the case presentation to sleep. which i did, at about 3pm. now i have a throbbing headache.

i remember the last time i was this tired. it was when we were doing psych and i worried about it but not that much because it just went away after a while. chai suggested iron tablets.. but then it just went away.

anyway. went early for something but didn't manage to do it. had the bedside tute with a boy with chronic bronchiectasis and a horrible chest x-ray. then we went to listen to the speech by the health minister about the new $250 million monash children's centre that is going to be built in 2012.

then we had our case presentations. P wasn't well so it was just the three of us and armstrong. which was less scary haha. though i forgot about my thumbdrive and left it in my locker so i had to go down to get it haha. it was alright though. he said we all passed haha.

had the second half of our bedside tute after the case presentation, looking at CTs. got food and came home, had lunch, showered, and slept for 2 hours.

oh and i bought mars bars and rice krispies haha. but i found out that there isn't enough mars bars.. maybe i'll just make a thinner slice haha.

headache please go away.

it feels like starting over.. almost.


today charmaine, tae, and wanjie celebrated my birthday belatedly. ;p with candles! haha you never miss the candles until they're not there.

finally told my mother that i already got the longchamp haha.

have been exceptionally tired the last 2 days. :( can't wait for tomorrow (and the next month or two) to be over. ian skyped with me to keep me awake. ;p

my room is becoming a dump again but i don't really care.

holiday plans keep getting changed. no more taiwan. :( instead we're just going to ho chi minh for the family holiday (and possibly extending it for the immediate family), and port dickson to celebrate kongkong's 80th birthday.

finally finished the case presentation stuff too. -.- i hate case presentations. will attempt to sleep early tonight.

i think the "i like it on" thing is stupid.

people are so weird.


a few at a time.

was so tired in the afternoon. i don't even know why. was tempted to skip the revision lecture but forced myself to go because a) it's a revision lecture and b) it's michelle. haha. ;p c) it's O&G! hahaha.

i keep wanting to eat an apple but i keep becoming too full before i actually get around to doing it. maybe i will be hungry enough to eat it before i sleep.

have to figure out how to apply for the other monash abroad grant. i hope they give it to me even though i'm just going to jb from singapore. charmaine and i are both excited about being in jb at the time of the boyfriends' birthdays haha. ;p

perryn gave me a mars bar for my birthday again. ;p i suppose over the years i will accumulate enough to make him the mars bar slice he's been bugging me about.. i might be nice and make it for him this weekend or the next. ;p

trimethoprim. case presentation from 10-11am on friday. :(

the time difference is annoying! :<


should not let my fears paralyse me.


my mother called me this morning and i answered with my morning voice. she was up at like 5.30? zz. she called again at night and my baby brother sang happy birthday for me. :D haha!

went to the hospital to find my patient. then picked my photos up. :) not too bad i suppose haha. exposed like 6 shots though. :( but i'm quite happy with the tulip festival ones. :) considering it was my first ever roll on the AE-1 and i had no idea how it was going to turn out! but now that i've tried it out, i quite like it. :) i like the focusing. and the depth. :) should ask my mother to get film for me, it's so expensive here.

originally intended to spend the day doing my case presentation but ended up skyping and going out for dinner.

ian managed to guess the best birthday present in the world. ♥

next year's rotations are out! mine are:

1. 24 jan - 4 march: vacation
2. 7 march - 15 april: surgery - gen surg in JB
3. 18 april - 27 may: aged care - dandy
4. 30 may - 8 july: emergency - maroondah
5. 11 july - 19 aug: medicine - diabetes/ endocrin in box hill
6. 22 aug - 30 sept: specialty - O&G in JB
7. 3 oct - 11 nov: elective - O&G in HK

my mother and ian are already planning trips up to visit me haha. separately, of course. ;p

thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. :)


FINISHED EBCP ASSIGNMENT.


interesting day.

spent the morning with ER and articles about prostate cancer screening. went to clayton to develop my AE-1 film, didn't know how to rewind the film and broke some of the sprockets. -.- the kodak shop guy helped me rewind it. he also helped me load another roll of film haha. and change the ASA. -.- i am so lousy. collecting the photos tomorrow.. i think he's going to laugh at me. -.-

what i hate most about spring: the flies come back out. :< ugh.

came home and continued my prostate cancer screening article marathon. did half of the assignment.. and ran out of things to say. only 470+ words! ugh. i'll be happy if i can come up with another 400 words.. though i really don't know what to write anymore. :(

got ian's card. :)

wanjie and chris picked us up and we had dinner at a jap place with everyone. :) was nice, thank you everyone! :) except it was really weird that they kept asking me questions. so awkward. :| and yuwan kept changing the subject to the baby haha. ;p thank you. :)

now to get back to my 400 words..


random event of the day:
met a china man while sitting on the pavement playing with king (who is actually a girl, and whose real name is yoyo). king is a cat, by the way. anyway, the china man attempted to ask me out. -.- which was weird after what yuwan said to me yesterday haha.

what she said to me yesterday:
what is page boy called in chinese? you need to know, in case you marry a china man next time and have to talk to him in chinese. -.-

anyway. church anniversary today! spent most of it outside doing kitchen stuff. enjoyed it though. :) was just sad that someone stole my tandoori chicken sandwich. :( well, my whole paper bag actually. now i think i'm more sad about the apple haha.

and it was so warm! which is why i decided to go for a walk. also to finish the film so i can get it developed tomorrow maybe. tried to find chipper but he wasn't there. visited the horseys. :) fed donkey grass (donkey is a horse). then on the way back i found yoyo. i was walking past her house and thought i saw a cat-shaped shadow. :) her fur is very matted though. lousy owner. :<

i have actually never heard of an artificial heart before.

gah, school again tomorrow.


when you need a reason
to help you keep believing
let my love be your blue sky


fully present.

went to springvale, boxhill, and clayton today. -.- so tired. finally found reasonable things though. well i think they're reasonable anyway. best i could do.

and also since i went to spotlight, i got some nice yarn and a crochet hook and started crocheting again haha. crochet > knitting. the yarn is so soft. the label says 70% acrylic and 30% milk. milk? haha. after being crocheted it isn't so soft though. oh well. need someone to teach me more complicated patterns.

the guy at the petrol station was nice. he reminded me about how nice the weather was today. :) which was the good part about having to go out today haha. :)

oh and i took the AE-1 out and took one picture haha. one! zzz. 5 to go.. or 6 maybe?

i am supposed to be studying... i can't be bothered.