fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

okay now allow me one second of ridiculous fangirlyness.

thank you. ;p

hmm. so it feels like i made a huge decision today. which is kind of true. although it's kind of the same decision. one we've been making for more than two years now. so why does it feel different? don't know.

this morning i watched two episodes of gg while having lunch (no i did not take 1hr20min for lunch). then i decided to go check if someone was okay. ended up staying for lunch (which i did not eat) and skype with the two guys haha. which was quite hilarious. guys are such ununderstandable creatures, really. ;p okay but maybe it's just these 3 guys. ;p haha okay daniel may actually read this.

then we went to the library. tried to do work, really. did 3/4 of my critical incident analysis thing. so difficult to write. i really cannot think of anything. apparently the cot really is optional ("but useful for interviews"). someone said on blackboard that if someone asks him for a reflective piece during an interview he might slap the person. ;p haha.

ended up tumblring. i think i'd rather tumblr than facebook heh. but i don't know any of the people on tumblr. okay maybe like 4. or 5. but that's it. but tumblr has more interesting stuff. um. so yes. tumblring.

went home when the library closed, or rather, when they started switching the lights off. stayed outside for a while (about an hour of the phone conversation) and then decided it was too cold and went inside. sat in the corridor talking for another hour with many people walking past and giving me weird looks. but two smiled at me. then mary and rachel ngoo came and yuwan came out and everyone got a shock to see me outside.

the two hour+ phone conversation was ended by my phone battery dying on me (not unexpected considering it's 3+ years old). so i went inside. started charging it and called back. "know what the cool thing is? we're both going to get brain cancer."

i feel better. surprise? no not really. i just needed to know. and now i know. so i feel better. :) and relieved actually. i think. i'm still trying to figure it out.

thank you.

chyiwei came ("hello! i'm not with x today!" ;p) with lingling and we had dinner with mary! and helped her colour her kfc memory verse thing haha. fried rice. with lapcheong! ;p loveee. and yuwan made glutinous rice for church lunch tomorrow. ;p okay it was supposed to be bazhang. just without the leaves. it doesn't really taste like bazhang though haha. ;p lingling was very direct. ;p

it makes a lot of difference to say something out loud, i've realised.

maybe it really is very naive to just believe that. hmm. kind of weird. i thought i'd lost all of that naivete. anyway.. it is a risk, true. it's a long time. what yuwan said makes sense though. i'm still going to be here and my perspective probably won't change that much in the next 2+ years. can't really do anything about the other side though. perspectives will most definitely change. so...

wait and see, and pray.

wasn't it a good thing i didn't give up after 50 minutes of monologue?

oh and i finally decided what to do about my returning dilemma. ;p and i think i made the right decision, so yay. :)

long post. for some weird reason i am exhausted. and am also very much dehydrated. sleep soon.

i wish blogger had something like a livejournal cut i could hide everything behind.


i've lost my ability to write (assignment kind of write), which is irritating. i can't even do a reflective assignment properly. ugh.

eugene: (sees my hp screensaver) eh damn cute leh.
me: yeah very cute right. die already.
eugene: oh.. sorry.
me: nevermind lah.
eugene: eh got other pictures not.
me: (shows him popcorn) this was my pet chicken.
eugene: eh damn cute also lah.
me: also die already.
eugene: eh wah lao stop it lah.

haha it was funny. not that my pets have died, but his reactions.

okay i hate having to do work. so many things i'd rather be doing on a saturday.


saturday-

driving lesson #6. learnt parallel parking today. i really didn't want to wake up early but i thought it would be bad to cancel so late. so i dragged myself out of bed with time only to shower and blow my hair dry. looks like i will only have one lesson more lesson before i fly home. ;p and maybe i'll get to try stuff out when i'm home haha. ;p okay no. the cars are all either van-like or huge.

formative emq paper in uni on 12 june! but still only by clinical school, so only the southern health people will be there. which i suppose is fair since most of the other people don't live around here anymore. and then after that there's the halfway dinner (celebrating us being halfway through the course), but i'm not going.

yuwan made chicken rice for lunch. :D ohh and i bought bruschetta bread. haha. to eat with the relish? ;p but there is a lot of relish.

need to watch some gg before studying hahaha. okay no i'm just bored. and it isn't even studying, more like writing those reflective things for the portfolio. and filling in stuff for the logbook. hmm. might try to escape the house for a while later.

periumbilical painnn. :( i didn't know i had abdo pain this often.


1. hold no grudges
2. refreshment
3. consistency

just to say this:
zepeng drove us to and from half night prayer! and we're still alive. ;p haha. okay we narrowly avoided several accidents. but on the way back i fell asleep anyway so i suppose it was safe enough. ;p

feel better tomorrow. :)


wow i fluctuate.

today the sky was blue and it wasn't very cold. i met a really weird guy on the way to the hospital. actually not weird, sick. my timing is really lousy. even when i think about it. but i met iris and perryn in the cafeteria. :)

pbl lasted just over an hour. copd. then i went grocery shopping. while other people went to practise resp exam. so lazy right. ugh.

met kym in the bus. :)

oh and i've had a throbbing headache for most of today.


I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart).

“I think it’s important to take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you." - Meredith Grey

jas and chris say marriage is underrated. how cool. ;p


and yes i've blogged this quote before, but i thought it looked nicer like that. it's from The History of Love.

ivy cooked us dinner. :) and we went to corinna's house to make ivy's wedding invitation cards. we're only half done. but they are pretty. :) just a bit difficult to get exactly how you want it. and then after that corinna fed us with yummy desserts. :D haha really nice. mixed berry something and brownie! and ice cream. ;p and homemade chocolate sauce.. haha. :D and then ian song sent us back. :)

i'm so glad i was rostered to be at moorabbin tomorrow morning (meaning i am not going) so i don't have to get up early. only pbl at 12. for which i have no task. whee. also the assignment (critical observation task) has now been changed to "optional", or formative, meaning we don't have to do it, and i'm not going to bother.

so.
5 june - mcr
11 june - portfolio
12 june - formative exam
15 june - fly home

sebas says his law camp ends on 20 june and after that we can go for our much-anticipated holiday! ;p redang, i think he was saying. ;p i hope daddy lets me go. actually hmm i think i'm going to kl too. should get more books (textbooks i mean :x).

random smses. :)

also i am immensely happy that the 120 hours will no longer be required. and i intend to take my own sweet time getting my license because i don't intend to get a car before daddy can make his way over here to get it for me (and get his motorbike license). which reminds me that i haven't spoken to him in forever..



there are so many sad people around. do you think a pocketful of happiness is enough?


ephemera

okay so i decided to stop asking myself why i keep doing stupid things. each and every one of those stupid things was after all a conscious decision. besides, i wouldn't have chosen any different given another chance. most of the time.

slowly cutting it down. slowly. in the hope that eventually that event will not happen at all. well. maybe not in the near future. but eventually, maybe.

words have the power to make or break someone. do you think actions have that same power? some people are more careless with words, others with actions. and some people are more affected by words, and others by actions. so don't you have to know someone pretty well to be able to judge how they would respond to things you say or do?

been thinking about this other thing, also, mostly over the last two days, because it's been mentioned a lot more over the last two days. well. who knows.

you go to work, you pay the bills
i stay at home, and i make the meals
but you don't even know who i am anymore
really sad song.


haha this is mostly a very vague post so don't expect to understand it, and don't make assumptions. well. you can if you want. doesn't matter.

okay this has got to stop.


i watched episode ?13 of gg today. am happy that i have something new. :)

i think i took an hour to get home from the hospital this evening. because i walked a longer way at first, and then i stopped for a snack and to withdraw money, and then i met zepeng and chunhoong and talked for a bit.

apparently today you're supposed to eat bazhang. ordinarily i would never think of eating bazhang but because it's been mentioned, i am really craving bazhang now. :( but oh well. nevermind tomorrow we have nasi lemak. :) yuwan wants to learn how to make bazhang though haha. ;p i remember learning in secondary school.

i finished The Witches. and zepeng only passed it to me yesterday morning. and yesterday was mostly school.. and shopping. but okay to console myself, it was a really short kids book. heh. :\

ugh i cannot wait for the holidays. home in 18 days! :) sebas says he'll try to get the car. ;p


“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”
- Jonathan Safran Foer

i'm really tired. my stomach still hurts.. okay not stomach. right and left iliac fossae. suprapubic maybe? :( pain.

but we met jasmine who gave us a lift home. :) thank you!

okay rewind. to this morning.

first lecture on transfusion medicine - only 4% of the victorian population is donating blood (this is not enough). second lecture on meningitis. then we had a quiz. i did terribly. which means i should really study. can't remember stuff. third lecture on obstructive sleep apnoea.

it ended late so i didn't have time to go collect the thing at the post office ugh. rushed back to have lunch in uni and was still slightly late for the hep tute. talked about sleep. then at the end we did a mindfulness exercise again and i dozed off.

went for path even though i really wanted to just leave. the lecture lasted like half an hour. hung around with ian after that until after 6, then went to chaddy. had trampoline gelato the first thing. ;p spotty dog, lychee lime sorbet, pistachio, hazelnut rocher. met remina, jonathan and chihau. ;p

got the havis for the guys (except for sebas) and my black slims as well. :D yay. been waiting for a year for those. since mine broke at clarke quay haha. i've been walking too much, apparently.

walked around some more.. bought a jacket. :D okay wait first we found nice shoes.. like really nice ones. okay they look quite gossip girl ish haha. ;p ian calls them rich shoes. but they weren't expensive. but of course they didn't have my size. how predictable. so. :( haha if i really want them i'll go to another outlet sometime.

met benny ben ben. and then charmaine and mavis! :p twice. haha. and then we met tae after nando's. it's like the shopping buddies reunion at the chaddy vip sale lah. haha. ;p met iris also! haha. she couldn't resist. ;p hardly saw anyone else from uni.

and yes we met jas in cotton on and she gave us a lift back. :)

$299 vs $45 shoes. ;p and these are so much nicer. although they aren't that nice either. ;p speedos. and actually i think the clothes thing isn't always true. i don't like most of the dresses.. ;p

hmmm.

power naps shouldn't last more than 20 minutes.

i can't wait for the end of the semester. to get all the stupid assignments and reports and portfolio stuff over and done with. to have time to rest.


i want consistency, in the hello and goodbye, in the middle and in the meal and in the silences.


i have orthopnoea. i sleep with two pillows.


whee. i just looked at the time and it is 11.11pm. already!! sigh. haha. this is what happens when you (okay, i) go out on a weekday. ;p but it doesn't matter i got to eat free food anyway. ;p thank you. :)

avoid a catastrophe, yes?

am transferring a gazillion things from jonathan chua's ehd. :D haha oh no more temptation. and i don't have to keep rewatching old gg episodes while the rest of the world discusses more recent ones ha. okay fine. i should resist for now. but thank you! ;p

"are you going to touch heaven today?"
"hopefully. and eat icecream!"
"is heaven your icecream?"
;p haha kaiwen was too braindead today.

but i was really looking forward to freddo's. ROCHER. omg. i was so disappointed. haha. i kept complaining to the whole world. ;p oh welllll.

tomorrow's vip sale. i have to get like 4 pairs of havis haha. ;p okay i don't think i'll actually get anything else.. except mouse food and maybe shoes if i can find any. my steve maddennnn. okay chaddy doesn't have a steve madden outlet.

the commerce girls are going to watch wicked! haha june wants to watch billy elliot also. ;p okay i think only ballet (or ex-ballet) people would care to watch billy elliot. ;p

more f21 haha, my sister must be thrilled. i don't care so much for that myself, i just want my vs dress! :D which i have been eyeing for like what, half a year? or something. i'm wondering how i can get army to say yes to it. ;p

hmm. today at touching heaven we sang this song. it has got to be one of the most-sung songs in my primary school, which is why i can memorise the lyrics even though we haven't really been singing it much recently.

have you ever talked to God above
tell Him that you need a friend to love
pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayer

have you told Him all your cares and woes
every tiny little fear, He knows
you can know He'll always hear
and He will answer prayer

you can whisper in a crowd to Him
you can cry when you're alone to Him
you don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts

on a lofty mountain peak, He's there
in a meadow by a stream, He's there
anywhere on earth you go
He's been there from the start

hmmm He has been listening. :)


+ managed to drag myself out of bed and out of the house by 7.05am :O
- by the time i got to theatre the patient was anaesthetised and having a central line put in
- didn't get to see much of the beginning or end (too many people)
+ AVR +/- CABG + lung biopsy (no CABG in the end)
+ when the anaesthetists left (when he was on bypass, heart not beating etc) there was more space
+ it was really cool to see the chest open, heart beating ;p
- when asked a question i answered 'carotid artery' and then a few seconds later realised it was supposed to be CORONARY hahaha
- the surgeon was mean and asked j "how many dumb questions are you allowed in a day?"
+ j let me see the calcified aortic valve, which they cut out and replaced with a bovine valve
- my legs couldn't stand it anymore after 4h15min and i left for lunch (surg was almost over anyway)
+ lunch! the starving people
- decided to skip PM surg since the procedures looked boring haha (okay and i thought my legs might not be able to take it)
+ borrowed resp books (i figure that's more important than anaesthetics right?)
+ walked to uni. it was warm! :D
+ mugged in the lib for almost 2 hours (that was an achievement for me okay)
+ met lionel on the way back and he said i looked like i was going to faint/ collapse/ something haha. not that bad lah i think. maybe a bit pale.
- maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe weird bruise #3 is just an extension of weird bruise #2. :\ but weird bruise #1 now looks more like a bruise. maybe it's nothing.
+ feel like having dinner now ;p


monday blues

1. apparently tuna has turned nice (no more biting or scratching!)
2. the box is sitting in the post office waiting for a car to pick it up
3. the whole world is sick, but not with swine flu
4. i cancelled dinner
5. chicken soup
6. final notice for not paying $1824 i already paid
7. dinner + sam's birthday surprise
8. i wrote a letter and it made me feel a lot better
9. walk home with the stars
10. pain i have not felt for months
11. i should go to hospital tomorrow

"get over it"
people do say hurtful things.
they hurt even more when it's someone you love.

weird bruise #2 appeared today. it looks exactly the same as the one in my forearm (like a deep vein exploded and bled all over the inside). hmmmm. okay i'll do something if another one appears.

you can be sure
that it will only get better
i don't worry 'cause
everything's gonna be alright

17 days to the portfolio due date (i only found out today)
18 days to the formative emq paper
21 days to flying home!
25 days to the critical observation task due date

through You i can do anything
i can do all things
‘cause it’s You who gives me strength
nothing is impossible
through You blind eyes are open
strongholds are broken
i am living by faith
nothing is impossible





"hope is the fuel that the human heart runs on. a car crash or a driving accident can paralyze the body, but the death of hope paralyzes the spirit.

hope is what prompts a young man and woman to stand before a preacher and promise "i do" even though they have no guarantees.

hope is what fuels the same couple, many years later, after broken promises and broken hearts, to give their promise another try."

- john ortberg

warm day. :) so niceee.

rachel and i waited outside for almost an hour haha. shaun was so nice to come and pick us up. :) so we became a 9.20 pickup instead. haven't been that in forever.

playground. a) i'd go myself (instead of sending someone else) and b) i already knew you were there. :)

kitchen with grace, chenchen, chew, chungwei. haha. yummy lapcheong rice! <3 i loveee. and sushi! haha. glutton.

routine?

i found a nice pair of shoes.. $129 $90. haha. so obviously they are not (and will probably never be) mine. but they were really nice. i wish straight cut skirts looked good on me.

came home earlyish. yuwan didn't have her key haha.

britain's got talent. aidan davis! haha. and natalie okri. :D okay i sound like a paedophile. but i just think it's so amazing that they are so good at what they do, and they're only 11 and 10.

"it's like a dog meowing. would i like a dog to meow? i guess i would, yeah, why not?" - simon cowell

i don't know what's happening tomorrow. surgery? have to get my mcr done at some point. :x i haven't decided what to do yet. resp history maybe? hmm.


saturday night





hmmm. so that's really interesting. i've never actually found myself in such a position before. and yet here i am. normally i know what i'd decide on. but given those circumstances, i really don't know which way i'll go.

i also still want to leave my sim card here. are there like payphones in the airport?

hmm quality control. most of the time i'd rather people do a job properly rather than do it with the mentality of just getting it done. there isn't really any point in doing something if someone has to go and redo/ adjust/ clean up after you right?

i wanted to be an interior designer.. haha. fleeting dream. don't really know where it fit between the teacher, vet and doctor.

CHERRIES.
oh well. wrong season. i know.

yuwan reminded me that we have to hand in our assignment via email. meaning i don't have to finish it before going home! haha. psychological time extension. ;p

goodnight.


am taking a break. no i don't really deserve one. yet.

so i had lunch. watched another episode of gg. read selected sections of Clinical Anaesthesia. i'm not actually doing much, but i don't know how to study anymore. which is kind of scary. so i am tumblring.

soon i will stop to either
a) take a walk, or
b) use the typewriter

diana says onions are contagiously sad. ;p i can't cut one without tearing!

my entertainment is mia, sigh. oh well i suppose it's good practice.

apparently it is warm outside.

would like to visit the RSPCA. and also adopt a cat, yes. i've been discovering things to do during a holiday in which i will hypothetically be here. which makes me want to come back early. hmm.

i also want a library in my house.


driving lesson #4. not much actually. just going around the same areas and doing the same things.. haha. he says i am gaining confidence. ;p i just tried to drive faster today. ;p it wasn't foggy this morning! yay. :)

watched cj7 (again). in cantonese, without subtitles. meaning i didn't get most of it. haha lousy! but it was okay since i've watched it before. ;p

found out that aster is my aunty's neighbour haha. such a small world. and and and i'm getting more gg from jonathan yay! :D i want to see the chuck and blair thing lah.

okay today i want to study some anaesthetics and start the assignment. and eat some food i'm hungry.


heartsoulmindstrength

hmmmm today did not turn out as planned either. i'm tired! have to wake up early again tomorrow for driving lesson #4. ;p i hope there's no fog!

this morning was crazily foggy. in the afternoon it cleared up quite a bit, but it was still not very clear. :\ warm though. :) nice.

hmm good jap food. :) i finished all of it (except one spoonful haha). :D only one tempura prawn though. cheat my money. haha. hmmm nice shirts! :D changing room with a lousy curtain haha. i was wondering about that.

bought stuff that will supposedly absorb the mouse smell haha. i hope it works. ;p was supposed to go to oakleigh to get other stuff also but was too lazy to get off the train. :x i was knitting on the public transport today! haha. like an old grandmother. ;p

angels and demons! sigh. nevermind. hmmm maybe it'll be showing in the plane haha. ;p okay when i come back here i'm supposed to sleep. so i can be awake to watch transformers! :D haha. i think it's quite good right, to have something to look forward to in going back and something to look forward to in coming back here too. :)

i finally got the song i've been singing in my head the whole day. :)

and take home lesson from michael's teaching: God's word tastes better than peking duck! :D

i'm feeling really detached from the rest of uni and i think that's part of the reason why i'm so unmotivated to study. i need to study with people. and i need a study break. important. sigh.

okay sleep goodnight.


such a pretty picture. :)

hee so michael brought us to tgif for dinner! :D the drive there was quite hilarious. ;p i guessed guy sebastian! heh. and zepeng: "i think i have the most driving experience out of the rest of you." and the poor bus not knowing how to pass between the two cars stopped on either side of the bus. ;p hahaha.

and then when we got there. :D THE SHOPS WERE OPEN. okay i was really surprised because i don't normally go out on thursdays. i immediately saw this purple dress. SO NICE. and started looking at the clothes while waiting for joce and zepeng. ;p i really don't know how i got the title "shopping queen". because i think i can count the number of times i've been out shopping this year on my two hands. which is really pathetic. compared to taylors when i could walk through melbourne central on my way home from school.. ;p

the food was really good. :D and we were also really hungry. and we ate everything up! haha. steak, ribs, shrimp, grilled chicken, pasta.. :D yum. thank you michael! :D

the only shop still open when we left was the shop with the purple dress. we said "christina that's a sign!" and everyone wanted her (or me) to go in and try the dress. ;p haha. but she refused. ;p

the drive home was quite uneventful. ;p the non-talking gps and technically-chim worship songs.

tired! will probably wait for the chicken to be done (it's in the oven now) and then sleep. i haven't quite completed my pbl task. :\ sigh. and there's bedside tute too. ugh.

am so tempted to go back on saturday. or even sunday. fb says i'm a shopaholic under control. ;p haha. but seriously i cannot wait to go home and shop. haha. without time restrictions because i will be on HOLIDAY.

not that i hate what i am doing, please understand. i am just tired of its long hours (remember my ambition is to be a housewife) and its way of draining my energy and how i have no more free time. i do actually enjoy hospital hours. i just don't like doing things in front of a group of people.

oh i found another post it. :) okay i was told where it was. kind of. :) wow it's been a week. and there are still two more to go haha. i am quite lousy. have you stopped reading already?

5 things i would like to do before i die:
1. swim with dolphins
2. go horseback riding
3. ride in a hot air balloon
4. go back to khaodee
5. have children!

haha.

pain is
- a sensation
- emotional
- unpleasant
- causing harm/ with the potential to cause harm

i remember this from pain rounds. don't you think it's quite interesting how emotions make you feel a physical sensation?

will try to walk to hospital tomorrow since i only have to be there at 9. if the pbl's brought forward to 11 i might go for surgery hmm. if not then i'll just have another afternoon off. and then the weekend will be here. :)

i think zachary quinto is very good-looking. ;p

it feels like falling...
goodbye.


paint with all the colours of the wind

took the bus to hospital this morning. got there with enough time to have breakfast before going to theatre.

was in theatre for three surgeries - one lipoma excision and two lap bandings. didn't get to do much because the patients were all fat and "complex". but seriously, one of the women was like 4x my weight okay! :x her thigh was like the diameter of my waist or something. (shudder) the BP cuff was too small so they had to put in an arterial line!

the anaesthetist was like "i don't think you'll need to have this operation, ever". ;p he was alright, he taught me sometimes and ignored me the rest of the time. oh he kept reminding me about singapore food for some reason. haha. no he's not singaporean.

the reg was very nice, he taught me a lot of stuff. and said i have to speak louder and be more decisive. he taught the anaesthetic nurse stuff and i listened. then he quizzed the tech and i about morphine and fentanyl.

my legs and feet were aching after the 4h45min. should get better shoes for when i have to be in surgery.

had lunch and then borrowed an anaesthetics textbook. then i found out that my bedside tute was moved to tomorrow so i went grocery shopping and came home. fell asleep on the bus and missed one stop. but it wasn't too bad.

am looking forward to later! :) whee.

finger hurts. :( but my forearm is better. :)


wednesday.

left home while the sky was still dark this morning. people said i was crazy. okay. maybe i was. nevermind. i had a nice breakfast. :) anyway it wasn't as cold as yesterday so it wasn't that bad. heh.

manipulateee. haha.

got to hospital a bit early. then something happened which i had totally not anticipated. haha. hmmmm.

first lecturer was waiting in the other LT for like half an hour. such a waste of time really. :\ anaemia. then we moved over to LT3 for the pbl seminar (which i fell asleep in :x). then cotw and rosalie's q&a session for the critical observation task. kw and i were upset that we couldn't get our hot chocs.

2500 words
hurdle requirement
19 june

we finished early so we got to uni early. had lunch and weird but hilarious conversation (hilarious because of iris and john sitting on either side and giving weird looks haha). then we didn't know what to do with ourselves for the extra time so we went to watch eugene and john play daytona. ;p

health enhancement program. how it is enhancing my health, i don't know. fell asleep towards the end. i think i liked hep more in first year, when we got to lie on the floor and sleep. ;p

I HAVE DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME.

kh wants to catnap the cat too. ;p

pathology - kidney 1. glomerulonephritis, i can never get all the different pathologies. oh well. chai did a great imitation of the lecturer haha "you know?"

walked home with kw and yw, talking about food. ;p i'm making a list of things i want to eat and places i want to go when i go home. :) today i had a random craving for DURIAN CHEE CHEONG FUN. but cannot eat the whole thing yourself cos too heaty. ;p

made baked rice for dinner! ;p michael's nicer i think. haha. jayne (?) came over for dinner. she brought cream puffs! :D hee. i ate salad. :O

shepherding with chris joce jj anna. :) what does it mean to be a child of God..

talked about chris getting an extreme makeover. ;p i can't wait to go shopping in sg! where they have NORMAL sized dresses that i can actually wear. haha. :D

also it is opi's birthday today. :) i called her and she sounds normal now. :) she went out for lunch with tata at imperial something. the crystal jade one. i told her i want to eat lmxlb. ;p she's counting down for my holiday too. :)

hmmm change of perspective. very true, i have to admit. although yes i would still very much like to be an ostrich and bury my head so i can't see it and so it doesn't exist.

didn't give the singaporeans the muffins in the end because they were all sick. are all sick. :\ okay i didn't even tell them about it. but that's okay. i'll bake for them another time. heh. gave the rest of the muffins to the people at shepherding instead. :) i hope they're okay because i didn't actually try them! haha.

am supposed to be in hospital by 7.50am tomorrow. have the medical bedside tute at 2. and we were conned into going for the feedback study feedback session on friday. i don't want to go! heh. i really don't understand why someone would do a project on that. :\ okay i'm being mean.

same tshirts today. :D

hmm i'm all over the place. strike tomorrow in uni hmmm. interesting. i've never actually seen one before. i wonder if i will walk through anything tomorrow morning. if i walk that is. i'm tired enough to think about taking the bus instead. besides it's always ridiculously cold in the mornings. for a 40 minute walk.

so tempted to buy the needle felting thing on etsy. haha. it's so cool. but maybe i should finish this knitting thing (and learn crochet) before i do. shouldn't take on too many things at once. right? haha. it is really tempting though.

have work to do, sigh.

home in 26 days! :D (wow that seems really near)


problem disappear.
time to sleep.
well. not really. kind of early. but my eyes are tired.
untangled part of the yarn. gave up and cut the rest. about 50cm at the moment. :)
did pbl stuff.
realised that i haven't been reading the book. and i got a call about it just now haha so i started chapter 7. :) that sinking feeling.
lectures start at 8 tomorrow! terrible.
hmmm OH i figured out how to work the typewriter! :D hee. so exciting. :D
i started facebooking again today which isn't good. :\
baked banana muffins and asked cherlyn to help me deliver about half of them. ;p
agitation.







refuge - city harvest church


unconditional love.

it scares me to be aware of the amount of time i can spend doing absolutely nothing. well. not absolutely nothing. but nothing of real importance.

i don't really know how i managed to get up and get out of the house this morning. i left at 7.15 and it was foggy and freezing. 5 degrees i think? and yes i was still in flipflops. haha. had breakfast on the way. i need to get new earphones i think.

waited for 1.5hours for the pain team. can you believe that? how ridiculous. i was falling asleep while waiting. but they finally appeared and we went on the pain round. met some familiar patients, i think some of them have been in hospital for a long time. i wanted to look at their imaging stuff but forgot.

was rostered to be at moorabbin in the afternoon but i was lazy to go. didn't really want to go with one of the others either just because you can't really do much if there's someone to compete with you. anyway we'll be doing this for the entire two weeks so it shouldn't matter much. and i've also got my bls thing signed off. tried to find sarah to sign my iv thing but she wasn't around, so. thursday.

walked back, was tired. i think i had a lot for lunch. watched an old gg episode. should get newer ones from someone. or maybe not. study. haha.

am going to bake muffins in a bit. :) just feel like collapsing on the bed really. but i know i wouldn't be able to get up any time soon so i won't. will try to sleep early tonight because i'm going to need it.

also, there's stuff on weds thurs and fri nights so i should probably make good use of (the rest of) my afternoon off.


okay i finished pathology, after collapsing several times on the bed. i am really tired.

cut my nails. long nails and gloves don't go very well.

today i kept using my left hand to palpate for veins because my right fingers don't seem to feel very well.

a nurse popped her head into the room when we were cannulating each other and said we were crazy for practising on each other. i have a tiny bruise over the iv site.

the knitting yarn is tangled, which is irritating. 36.5cm so far. :)

proper conversations. hello?

i hope i don't get back too late tomorrow. (and it's only the second day)

am glad there are two more days before thursday. don't like diabetes.

am irritated with certain people. they should do it themselves. thankfully i have someone to save me from stupid things like calling post offices.

okay i will try to be the girl. but i have never really been successful at it for long stretches of time.

sometimes it's easy to just hide behind something and not be vulnerable for once.

goodnight.


what i do today is important because i am exchanging one day of my life for it.
(i saw this in the endoscopy reception)

walked to hosp with yuwan and chris. :) we met the other chris at princes hwy and he called us the three wonder women. ;p hahaha.

anaesthetics! we learnt about fluid management, post-op analgesia, maintaining an airway, and IV cannulation. practised on the model haha. very fake. the veins were all pretty and popping out.

had lunch and then went for endoscopy with p (j was supposed to be there too but p was there first). it happened to be gastro stuff again. did stuff like draw up propofol, monitor the oxygen saturation, and mainly did jaw thrusts throughout the procedures. i wish people weren't so fat because it's really tiring having to keep lifting their jaw up! just so they can breathe. heh.

s swapped with p after the first 2 procedures. he got to do his pr exam haha. then we read the patient files and decided to do ivs on each other. ;p better than doing it on a patient the first time! heh. while waiting for the intern/ resident to be free we updated the gastro blood book and talked about stuff. i didn't mind since i like gastro. ;p but there was a patient whose LTFs (i think?) were in the thousands. scary heh.

finally (after like 1.5 hours) the resident was free. so s cannulated me and then i cannulated him. yay we both got it on the first try. :) hee. another thing signed off yay. also it just seems a lot less scary after you've done the first one on a real person.

decided to go buy food since i'd be taking the bus back. forgot about my clipboard and left it in coles. i only realised after getting on the bus, so i stopped at the next stop and walked back. one of the cashiers helped me find it. :) thank God it was still there. and untouched i think. nothing valuable in there except last week's lecture notes, today's DRABC stuff and a few ward lists. i suppose the ward lists would have been the worst thing to leave out.

finally got back. cooked dinner. and lunch. am tired.

(i really cannot do this every night.)


sunday.

+ church
+ handwriting
+ exciting life! (hmm)
+ learnt to knit
+ washed the mouse cage
+ lingling came to visit
+ dinner
+ uploading photos now
+ i start anaesthetics tomorrow


hmm i suppose i really should upload photos to fb. haha. been a while. but i was supposed to be in bed by 11 and it's already past that so i'll do it tomorrow. :)

i managed to wake up for driving lesson #3 this morning! haha. carl was like "you're up!" ;p hmm today we did angled parking and turning and during the last few minutes he taught me how to do a three point turn. ;p which i'm supposed to think about before the next lesson. haha. now i keep going "eh i drove here before!" or "i hate driving down this road" haha. eh it's the initial ohmygoshiamdriving thing okay. it will fade. ;p

walked to wellington for the first part of the baptism. :) interesting testimonies shared. haha. shaun drove us to mordialloc. :) everyone in the car was weird lor. and they said it was because of me. -.- haha.

it was FREEZING. so windy! i stole yongpin's jacket while he was being baptised. ;p hmmm that reminds me, i should clean my camera lens. :x it's now covered in salt water spray.

walked to mordialloc station and.. how did you even think of the toilet? :\

okay fast forward to when i got to frankston. walked around trying to find a craft shop. finally found the directory which told me there was a lincraft there! hee. ;p so i found it and was looking at the yarn and knitting needles and crochet hooks. :D then i got a call and had to hurry up and get the stuff but i was late anyway. sorry. :3

so we walked around a bit more. kitch and stuff haha. really liked the glass labels. ;p hmm pepper mill. got back in time to catch the next bus. i kept commenting on how metlink isn't all that accurate. ;p

found the house. the lady was pretty nice. :) she has a beagle! haha. and her house is really nice. typewriter. :) okay i should also email her about the sliding.

thank youuuu for helping me carry that 10kg thing around everywhere. :))

went back to frankston station and got groceries haha. pseudo quail. and i have salad and salad dressing in my fridge now. :O along with moscato and balsamic vinegar? haha. so unlike me. ;p

took the train to bentleigh and took 703 back. along the way i was like "eh i drove here today" and "eh that's moorabbin hospital" haha like never take 703 before like that. ;p met victoria and janine on the bus haha. and then kenneth got on as we alighted.

yuwan and chyiwei were at home. :) then yuwan went off for dinner. chyiwei was persuaded to stay for a while and be entertained by us. ;p i made yisi's pumpkin pancakes. ;p but they weren't as good as hers. or clara's. haha. and we had the pseudo quail which took forever because they were frozen.

rushed to catch the last 703 because i thought there were no more 737s sigh. but on the whole that was good i guess. :)

washed up and showered and then mary called. and came over with tingting to give us dessert. :D and to borrow pillows haha. and photograph yuwan in her make shift bed. ;p mary is still calling me sophie. ;p

then yuwan disturbed me. okay we had a long conversation. haha. that's why it's almost 1 and i am still here. ;p but it was good. :)

should probably sleep now since i'm on reception tomorrow. heh. tomorrow i will attempt to not go out and just rest and knit and get ready for another week.

oh i found another post it! :D two left.

avoidance hmmm. the same day thing. oh well i'm already late. :\ how?

happy birthday daniel! :)


HELLO.

pbl lasted 1 hour! haha. heard that some groups' pbl lasts 3 hours. :O we can do 2 cases in 1.5 hours! haha. okay it's kind of worrying.. especially since pbl content is definitely examinable. :\ we should steal our tutor's notes haha.

would've gotten home long before the rain if i hadn't stopped to do random things. but oh well. it wasn't heavy anyway. and it didn't last long.

my ipod died on me today. that hasn't happened in a long time. and i didn't even think it was about to die. but of course how could i tell, since i can't even see the battery bar? haha. i am always surprised when i see a normal ipod with everything on its screen. but it is 3.5 years old and has been stepped on so. i will keep using it until it really dies i think. :) except that i need new earphones. :x i keep wrecking mine! okay this one wasn't even mine. heh. sorry. i decided to remove all the rubber lining because i had this weird idea that it might come off in my ears. :x haha.

i forgot to buy both types of gloves yesterday, sigh.

finished making the chicken ball things for cg and went to shower.

:) :) :) happy. i've missed my quality time.

went for cg, we had our annual icecream jelly trivia night! haha. okay i really don't like trivia. because my general knowledge is crap. the only questions i contributed answers for were on gossip girl and grey's anatomy. ;p haha okay and charlotte's web and the fruit of the Spirit. and a rare few i didn't answer. when the second grey's anat question came up everyone immediately looked at me. i think everyone is going to remember me as the gg/ grey's anat junkie haha. :3

hueywen and i ate until we were stuffed. and then we continued eating! haha. all the junk (finger food). and jelly. and icecream. haha. FAT. oh and zepeng said i epic failed because i didn't know terminator. haha.

OH it seems that a lot of good movies are coming out soon. just nice since i get to go back and watch with them. :D okay except transformers okay i book you. ;p

i know an old lady who swallowed a fly.
i used to love that story. ;p i'd read it over and over in the kids encylopedia i had then. and laugh non-stop. and just now when we saw that weird video someone made about it. ;p haha. hilarious.

post its! :D hehe. i found 4/7. 3 more. and i have no clue where they are. maybe i really will find them only when i pack to go home for good. ;p i hope not.

hmmm. mama made daddy promise to not bring me to sri lanka, so that's been settled for me. :) oh and opi is much better. :) they're going to bring her to asia grand for her birthday. :) private room and everything because tata is very paranoid about.. i don't know. not letting her get sick i suppose. anyway. they received my cards. :) and opi put her birthday card on her wall. :)


a few days ago..
theophany: we have a wedding on 5 dec so i guess (...)
d! - Hope.: cool
d! - Hope.: i didnt know you two were getting married
d! - Hope.: but oh well
d! - Hope.: :P
theophany: haha
theophany: oh you weren't invited? ;p
d! - Hope.: haha
d! - Hope.: trust me, if he's having a wedding, it would b AWESOME.
d! - Hope.: because i would do awesome things at the wedding


stop oscillating.

breathe.

i like late days when i can actually sit down and have breakfast. :)

i used to worry about r all the time. or maybe ruminate would be a better word. and then suddenly it just stopped. and then i started ruminating about x and eventually it stopped too. but it comes back. every once in a while, with a precipitating factor.

LEAP.
listen
encourage
assist (with)
patience

OKAY. happier things. i only have a 1.5 hour tute today! :) i don't know what to do now. haha. right. exam. heh. FOUR WEEKS. my room is a huge mess again. need new gg episodes! i've been rewatching the old ones. perrynnnn!

and huiru!!! :)
haha nothing. just because i know you will read this. ;p we knit together when i go back okay. ;p


it's hard to say forever
it's hard to say i'll never ever go


running just to catch myself.

+ woke up on time/ in time
+ walked to hospital with yuwan
+ i actually like the radiology lectures. i think it's just because i like drawing the CT pictures. ;p
+ gastro tute on hepatitis and bile metabolism and circulation, patient with massive ascites
+ short break with kw j zp and zw, with very weird and random conversation topics (eg. pr exam, the secretary and boss incident in sg, squid and cuttlefish)
+ went to watch gastroscopies and colonoscopies
+ talked to a 23yo guy with pancolitis
+ did 2 pr exams :O (eww)
+ found some stuff for pbl
+ grocery shopped
+ had lunch for dinner again
+ phone call :)
+ am cooking dinner + lunches again

you're not supposed to give for the sake of receiving but it is so difficult to continue giving if you're not receiving.

sometimes i wish people would take more responsibility for their own lives. you cannot have somebody babysitting you forever. or checking on you every other day.

you know how they ask in fb notes whether you've ever wished you were the opposite gender? i never have. but sometimes it's just difficult being the girl. not on my own. but people's expectations make it difficult.

i have started chapter 6! :)

35 months sounds like a really long time.


"you lag!!"
"no lor you lag!!"

for some weird reason my draft of the critical observation task (written at the beginning of the semester) has disappeared. so i have to start over.. which is irritating. i don't know how to construct it.

skyped with nine! :D except for peiyu. they were at sebas' house haha. eating the tiramisu which sebas and kevin made. ;p they taught me how to printscreen a particular window haha. and rong and flabs were being their usual weird selves. ;p I CAN'T WAIT TO BE BACK HOME WITH YOU GUYS. ❤


procrastination;

long day. well. kind of. i feel. ______________ yes.

so we have this Critical Observation Task. it's an assignment. originally due monday 18 june. but we have only been able to access the info from today onwards so the deadline's been postponed to 19 june. which is good.

lectures on interstitial lung disease (boring), antibiotics, and lipid metabolism. cotw on pulmonary embolism. hot chocolate. :)

had grain express for lunch for the first time in a long while. the guy so giamsiap haha.

hep tute. we haven't had hep since first year. surprisingly we can still remember ESSENCE. but hardly anything else haha. our tutor was my first year first sem clinical skills tutor. i wasn't sure if it was her at first so i shrugged when she asked me. then at the end of the tute i went to talk to her and she hit me because i'd forgotten her haha. ;p

pathology lecture. i think there were only 10 slides. i really should do the readings for that case. still not really clear about amyloidosis.

was walking back with zepeng but we met chauwang at the carpark and he sent us back. :) thank you chauwang! :)

cooked dinner + lunches. i don't like cooking dinner alone.. oh well.

i want to learn knitting. and actually i want to learn how to crochet too. haha maybe i should pick one. for now.

have to do pbl. actually that's all for tonight. okay maybe start the assignment to avoid having to rush it at the end. since i'll have to hand it in early anyway haha.

i should study i suppose. it's just weird having only the formative paper. it doesn't motivate me to study. and also because i really have no clue how they will test us. considering every clinical site has a different set of lectures, and everyone does different rotations so we do different pbls as well. but i suppose that's why it's formative. hmm.

today i was reminded of oscillations. "we have been oscillating for.." well it has been a while. anyway. it reminded me of the physics experiments we did in j1. i remember being really happy when we had that for the first spa because it was foolproof. easy. the questions were predictable. there isn't really a point to this.

i read this in one of the textbooks in hospital yesterday:
"Accuracy in diagnosing acute abdomen is ~45%; this is improvable to ~70-80% by using a computer, not because computers are so clever, but because they are so stupid - and rigid: they have no intuition, and they need clear answers to a full set of questions. They allow no escape."

33 days till i am home. :)


yeah you and me we can light up the sky.
woke up in time for the 10am tute. :3 i mean in time to walk to hospital haha. and stop to withdraw money too. the tute started late and ended early. pancreatitis. i am quite amazed that i actually answer questions now. i mean questions addressed not just to me but to the whole group. achievement for me. :D haha. okay i'm weird.

spent time in the library looking at CTs and x-rays. i really have no clue what i'm looking at in CTs. :x got a headache. the weather was nice so i went outside to walk. walked behind the hospital.. i think it would be quite nice to live there. the houses aren't very nice but the neighbourhood feels nice. :) wedges. haha.

back to the library to study. which i did. well. a bit. before i gave up and went to nap. ;p i don't know why but i like napping in the lib. even though it just means 3-minute naps. haha.

driving lesson at 3. chai saw me outside and told me he'd seen a splenectomy! cool beans. haha. so. carl picked me up and drove to some small road and then it was me again. drove to the same place we went last time, think it's near huntingdale. spent most of the lesson learning how to turn. my hands never move correctly. hmm. but. i am learning. haha. he gave me more control this time too i think. so. all good. :)

went back for the surg bedside tute. cardio history and exam, and case presentation. the patient broke down when j asked about family history, his father had passed away from a heart attack (40 years ago, mind you). so we couldn't continue after that and missed out a lot of the history. also because the tutor was just being picky. the tute lasted forever and we didn't even go through the examination part. but i think all of us just wanted to get out of there. sigh.

met yuwan in the locker room and we went to joce's house. :) had dinner there. i didn't finish because there wasn't time. then we went for th. the venue was changed at the last minute but the info was disseminated so quickly haha everyone appeared at the church office relatively on time.

hmmmmmm.

okay i'm really tired. goodnight.


photos from today. :)













+ gastro tute postponed to tomorrow
+ pathology quiz
+ chinghow sent me this: http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com/ (so cool!)
+ lunch with yuwan
+ conversation about a scary (ahem) friend
+ i youtubed knitting! just need to get things now. :D
+ walk to notting hill to post opi's birthday card and the belated mother's day card
+ met a cat who followed me around! :D
+ post its ;p
- i think picky is DYING. :(
+ i am going to be a hazard on the road again tomorrow afternoon! (i am warning everyone first)
- facebook quizzes ugh
+ talked to jason! :D he is dying prepping for exams monday onwards. he kept bombarding me with words like ubiquinone and flavoprotein and i was like i have no clue! haha. oops. i'm glad i'm not in ucl. ;p
+ ah ma yus is going to singapore in june! :D
+ daniel is visiting melb again!
+ i am so excited to meet people again. after like forever.
+ okay time to do WORK.


ch
not realli actually
i spend my days at homme appearing offline disturbing unfortunate victims
i sense that you haf mcs to sell and riches to gain
don't forget to look before you fall
haha
im doing online quiz ;p
ch
like homework?
or which star sign will be the best lover for you
what is ur patronus
which fantastic 4 superhero are u
don't forget to look before you fall
haha yeah like hmwk
ch
lol mine is libra
u arent...
don't forget to look before you fall
haha i am actually
HAHA
ch
OMG
puffs out chest
don't forget to look before you fall
hahahahaha
ch
hello you (8)
don't forget to look before you fall
haha
must bat eyelids hahahaa
ch
haha (wah lao ask for so much, nvm not many libras around)
*bat eyelids*
LOL
don't forget to look before you fall
hahaha
not many meh
ch
i dun noe many =(
intro?
puffs chest
bat eyelids
LOL
don't forget to look before you fall
haha
go facebook check lah
;p
ch
haha DUN NEED
I AM HAPPILY SINGLE!
did that sound forced?
not that it should i mean
being a natural exclamation

haha hilarious. ;p


+ finished chapter 4! :)
+ ironed clothes (but i can never iron shirts properly)
+ finished the cards
- my fingers are dying
- swine flu in brisbane
- ? sri lanka

kw's "i can so see that that is going to become a routine" is not coming true haha. oh well. as expected. doesn't matter. still happy. :)

should really go for rounds tomorrowwww (later).


standards.

end of one week.
beginning of another.

i've realised after putting in considerable effort today that it is quite difficult to change my perspective. like "don't think about that it will make you sad!" okay. it really does make me v sad to think about the "impending doom" which is impending but not necessarily doom. sad! :( how? but okay i think it's normal to be sad. just to stop wallowing in it. yes.

YES I WOULD. of course i would. heh. but. perhaps it's good this way. we learn things along the way. things happen for a purpose.

i spent half an hour at the playground this morning. :) slightly too cold, but it was still nice. the sun was out. there were swallows. :)

mother's day. unconditional love. there should not be love one day and then jealousy or anger the next. haha. tough lesson to learn. being God's children, our character should reflect His. agape love.
i still want a horse in the future. :) either a black one or a brown one. sigh i keep planning my dream house. i will ask rong to help me design it. :)

went to chaddy after church to get stuff - mouse water bottle, light bulb, chicken stock cubes. a random mix of things. checked out the havis for the frog too. he keeps asking me to buy havis that don't exist in australia heh.

:)

had my pretzel. :) haha. walked around a few more random shops. we got moscato haha. not my choice. it wasn't as nice as the other one i tried before. in singapore. but oh well. no quail haha.
came back and slacked a bit, then cooked dinner. i made cream of mushroom soup! from scratch! haha. okay fine i'm not as pro as sebas. so i didn't make the stock myself. but everything else was from scratch. ;p it would probably have been better with a blender though. heh. next time maybe. :)

chicken and mushrooms and salad. it looked like something from pancake parlour! heh. okay maybe not exactly. but that was the first thing that came to mind. i did actually eat some of that green stuff. haha. ;p

9.17pm bus. met daniel again haha. it was quite funny. he didn't dare to stand close by. ;p

"she's very sad. how to make her not sad ah?"

"and you're looking at me."

smileeee. it's difficult to smile when you're sad. but this sunday afternoon is one that makes me not hate sunday afternoons so much. on the rare occasion that something like this happens.

otherwise,

+ i'm glad that there is only one more mcr for the semester
- i haven't finished making and writing my mother's day/ birthday card! :x
- ward rounds at 9 tomorrow zzz
+ i have your coins from the chaddy butcher
+ waitinggg
- still tired
- i took too long doing this


i need a better reason to get up in the mornings.

so recently i have been thinking about certain things. things that i think some people would be proud to know i have been thinking about. it is all very new to me.

and also this week i haven't been trying hard enough.. i know. but it has been weird. with revelations and all that. i don't know! okay lah. excuses to run away.. should try again.

hmm there were so many people at setup today. decor for mother's day tomorrow. :) many hands make light work. :) famous rimos sent us back. :) joel's car! heh. i wonder how he is. i wonder how steven is too.

had steamboat with yuwan, christina, chyiwei, tingting and rachel ngoo. :) we ate a lot. like a lot a lot. but still didn't quite finish the food haha. then tingting and rachel had a mini piano lesson with christina. ;p i watched. i know a bit i think. :3

today i really ate a lot i think. :x stuffed myself during lunch. had max brenner's. came home and was hungry so i ate biscuits and leftover beehoon. and a bit of the puff pastry filling haha. and then steamboat! heh. should weigh myself but i really can't be bothered. it is irritating to keep losing weight though.

escape strategies. sydney! it always comes back to sydney. would love to go back. i don't know why. since i've been there twice. within six months of each other. haha. my parents would probably never pay for another trip there. but i would still love to go back. ;p (ewym)

AM TALKING TO THE FROG. :D hee. we are going to replace dylan when i get back. that sounds mean. :\ i will miss his squeaking and stoning! putting him on top of the dustbin to go get my camera and finding him in the exact same position when i get back. sigh.

want to be able to drive. want a CAR.

film. :) pretty!

chunhoong said that it costs $300+ to fly to tokyo from here. :O omg i wantttt.

the mice' (? here my punctuation fails me) water bottle has died. so i will probably try to go get another one tomorrow. and perhaps do a bit of shopping (i can usually never resist. except for like today. oh. and eat a pretzel too. i can never resist those either). look for havis for the frog and his friend.

i am so looking forward to going homeeee. seeing everyone again. shopping in the same places. eating the fooooood. wearing shorts and havis everywhere. tuna. sleepovers with nine? :)

oh. we're not going to myanmar anymore. :( daddy's going to sri lanka instead. tamil tiger trouble. also means danger. i have the option of going. i don't know if i will. yet.

okay sleep. :) goodnight!


spiraling;
- missed driving lesson #2 because i woke up late :\
- grey skies
+ went to the city
+ mekong ❤
- "why you so stupid?"
+ went around the city doing random things (i just followed)
+ max brenner's hugmug
+ photos!
- tired
+ grocery shopping
+ met joshua chris and kelly today (and the malaysian girl but i don't know her name)
+ helped yuwan and mangyik finish making church lunch when i got back
+ going for setup later
- i want life in a few years' time
- need to stop fighting. stop fighting!


in time will i be what You're thinking of


tracing her way through the constellation.

i am tired. but i am always tired. chronic fatigue. dDx please! heh. the gastroenterologist said that i have to speak louder. especially to older patients. and that i have to improve my lists of differential diagnoses.

so my sister's cat is missing. has been missing. since tuesday. the story reminds me of when i was a kid and they threw my cat away. her name was polly. i blogged about her before. she came back though. but she was scared of us. i hope beryl comes back. :\

i forgot to withdraw money for tomorrow. so i borrowed off chris. :) thankyou! should really learn to braid my hair. mangyik said it makes me look like a five year old kid haha.

we made mother's day cards in lifegroup. okay i made a birthday card. i still have to make a mother's day one. and hopefully send them out on monday. the mother's day one will be late but hopefully the birthday one won't be.

it keeps coming back to me how respect is so important to me. maybe because i'm a person who always gets run over by other people talking when i'm supposed to be talking. i really can't stand it when people talk over the person in front. it's basic courtesy. and i really admire people who can still regain "control". i just stop talking. no one can hear me above everyone else anyway.

drained.

anyway.

this is what my mum sent me a few days ago. why they were looking at our old hongkong album, i have no idea. i'm still the only one who's been on a holiday with my grandparents alone. :) this was when i was seven.

the time taken up, but it's never enough, and you're all that i need to fall into.


陪你熬夜聊天到爆肝也没关系
陪你逛街逛成扁平足也没关系
+ talking
+ leisurely walk
+ pbl (two cases in less than 1.5 hours)
+ mcr
+ wedges :D from jf
+ paper for later
+ am happy for the weekend :)
(wow short day)

this is too big to put on a list.

BERYLLIUM IS MISSING. :(:(:(





enough. :(
and enough. :)

heh it does kind of annoy me that i always find time to blog. even though it's past 12 and i still have a ton of stuff to do by tomorrow.

+ vienna chocolate (too sweet)
+ i want that house. hampton 1?
- rain on the way to hospital
. gastro tute on chronic liver disease
- ten minutes between that tute and the medical bedside tute
- renal Hx and Ex; my brain was quite void of all things renal so i couldn't answer most of his questions :\
+ fortunately i could take a proper history from the renal transplant patient
+ and report back reasonably well (yay)
- patient in medihotel was sleeping
+ but it was okay cos i found a proper gallstone patient (albeit not jaundiced)
+ who was quite nice to talk to me even though i woke her up
. clayton town since i was going to take a bus back anyway
+ met yuwan outside and decided to go for the farewell
+ went home to dump stuff/ change
+ took a bus to wellington
+ yummy food :D
+ cool multimedia + ancient photos (i actually felt young haha)
+ am immensely glad that i went :)
+ keith sent us back and almost killed us ;p
+ baked chocolate banana white choc chip muffins :3
- i haven't baked in such a long time that i had to check the recipe :x
+ showered
- i think the weather was only nice while i was in hospital today (11am-5.20pm) sigh.
- US$230!!! :( big sigh

things i have to do before i sleep:
- write up my pbl case properly
- find her LFT results
- finish up pbl tasks
- revise gastro Ex

am going to do my mcr tomorrow. haha. big surprise, last day again! heh. but at least i already arranged to do it with someone right? and it's gastro Ex.. so hopefully it won't be too complicated. :)

i am really tired.


HAHA. seriously, substitute?


for decoration,

okay. i lost my jacket today! :( i don't really know how it happened. :( sigh.

anyway. we had a lecture on asthma and COPD, and then another one on HIV. there was no case of the week and no 12pm lecture, so we were free at 11. most people went home i think. i went to uni with kw, who was hobbling around because of her sprained ankle. haha i shouldn't say how it happened. ;p

had lunch and read law notes, then some calvin & hobbes. she just slept haha. and then went to see the doctor, who bandaged her ankle up and told her to go get an x-ray done. we were saying that we could access her x-ray results from the radiology programme haha. ;p we wouldn't even need her UR number. ;p

aww. i miss the times we studied in matheson together, bubble tea/ muffin/ coffee from the den during study breaks, sharing with each other, having the same ulterior motive (haha), and complaining to one another. eeks. and of course, almond croissants between lectures! haha. <3 these things have always been happening to us eh. she doesn't read this. but cheer up! :)

law tute. so boring. but better than the last one i went for. heh. tried not to fall asleep. but even solo couldn't help me. rawr. read the sex worker article in lot's wife (some uni publication). but they say lot's wife is trashy so it might not be true. besides there is so much identifying info in it. hmm.

pathology. another 45min lecture haha. endocrine. i don't like the thyroid much. but oh well.

walked back with kw, c, j and nh. :) singing random songs along the way (and walking at snail's pace haha). :)

hmm. i have concluded that you need to put a lot of sugar in food to make it sweet. no wonder michael likes to put sugar in his food haha. ;p and also, i think i'm sick of tomatoes now. haha. enough.

MCR!!! ahhhhhhh.

tomorrow is a yucky day. will probably not go for the radiology lecture? since it's at dandy. and we have a tute in mmc at 11. that is so not possible. and i have to study renal stuff again eww. would much rather stick to gastro tyvm. and we really should have had some of these tutes in the previous half rotation rather than squeezing them all into this one. :x i actually like gastromed. :O


:)


your wagon's been hitched to a star
+ headache's gone :)
+ i am thankful for the pockets of time at night when we relate the highlights of our days to each other :) even though i am becoming weirder with each passing day haha
+ daddy and you have so much in common :)
- the condition of my fingers and thumb has worsened considerably the past few days
+ thank you :)
- i should read my law notes ugh
+ i am starting to eat certain things haha. it's comparable to learning by osmosis. ;p
- all the things i haven't told you, which i might tell you soon, but it might hurt me to say it and hurt you to hear it.

don't forget to look before you fall:
im going to learn driving!
haha
like finally
sebas.:
haha great
then i wont have to drive you around alr
:p
(you still will, because i won't have a car to drive in singapore! ;p)


almond eyes.

okay i spent a reasonable amount of time in hospital today. ward rounds went from about 9.30 until 12.50, then we stole some food from one of the unit meetings (we didn't even know which) and went for the gastro tute on IBD.

went to talk to the patient with an incisional hernia. his bowels are bulging out of his body and it is quite fascinating to watch the peristalsis, but also quite unnerving. as you can imagine. examined him but he was in quite a lot of pain so i didn't really do much. there aren't many patients with obstructive jaundice on the wards this week.

grocery shopped again. i think people who see how much stuff i buy think i am mad. i also don't know why i buy so much stuff.

headache. it's better now that i've gotten home and had lunch/ dinner (they meant the same thing today). but it's still there. ugh.

shall go cook tomorrow's lunch. and then shower. and then if it's still there i will go and sleep. okay fine. maybe just take panadol. need to find those capsule panadols. maybe they're in the box.