fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

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credits

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Layout: /strawberrying

i don't know what to say, i really hate this feeling.





things to do:
- health promotion thing
- panel discussion research
- paint hearts
- bake

superwoman! haha i'll probably end up sleeping on the way back to maryborough, and hoping that there won't be night clinic on sunday so i can sleep more and wake up for ward rounds on monday. okay this is quite terrible. dead tired, sleep!


awesome (possum)

hello i'm back! :D the first week of rural started off dreary, everyone was tired from the long drive and the (extremely) lousy accomodation. but it got progressively better. :D the people there are all amazingly nice, the GPs and nurses are all very happy to teach, and we get to go observe surgeries and endoscopies and things. and not just observe, we get to do simple things too. haha. so cool. ;p

last night we went to our tutor's house for dinner, their house is so so nice, it's made of old parts of different buildings. and they have a barn which is used as a rumpus room, and a pool. :O and before we left we saw the stars. and a shooting star! :D

everyone's copying eugene's catchphrases; if you say "awesome", we're all bound to add "possum". quite funny. and the "whaddup"s and "watch your front" haha. the result of spending that much time with each other. but the nights have been fun, games and talking and tv. ;p we don't study! rawr.

i'm lazy to put up photos now because i'm tired, and i have to do my hp stuff. was supposed to get it done during the week but there hasn't been any internet connection whatsoever (except in the hospital, but i've only been there for tutes and surgery). also have to paint the thing for our incredible old lady.

i think the thing i hate the most about being away like that is not being able to read all the emails and blogs. and having so many to go through when you get back that you just feel like not doing it at all. heh. tireddd.

but yeah rural has been really good. :D i'm looking forward to going back! (i never thought i'd say that) except for the panel discussion, everything else should be good. :D


don't demand things.

interesting day. am lazy to write properly so i'll do it in point form.

- reception
- healing service
- perpetually tired
- cds
- orange choc chip muffins
- dinner at sofia's
- jon yong's farewell
- pack for rural

jon yong's farewell was quite a big thing i think. in terms of its impact, or maybe his impact on people. like everyone was crying. haha. we'll miss him! and his voice. haha. remember that time he invited himself over for soup, then he went on and on about some biochem stuff. then he taught us how to study, and prayed for us. haha. and he cooked for us before exams too.

his farewell was quite thought-provoking though, as many people have said he is.

met grace to get photos from may/ yellow+blue. :D zuowen paper! haha. thank you! :)

okay last post before rural. am tired. going to sleep. leaving at 9.50am tomorrow. i'm sad.


watch from the sidelines.

tiredddd. okay i'm lazy to actually say anything. it's too cold. and i have a throbbing headache. and i cannot remember my brachial plexus and CNS. and i have to get up at like 7+ tomorrow.. you get the idea.



tomorrow's quite a packed day and i hope i'll be able to survive. haven't really talked to the rest about what to bring for rural, and it's coming so sooon. :\ not ready. don't want to go. lazy to pack. and i'm tired!

the whole 6b facebook thing has made us all quite nostalgic about primary school i think! all the old rivalries between pcheng and fkoh, the cliques and mrs kong's stories and making the guys change in class. haha. another reason to look forward to december..

you can't always have everything all the time.

i wish i had the ability to express myself in words. like ida would say, literary moments. haha. sadly i'm not really blessed with the gift.

after the sexual assault lecture i grimace whenever people mention washing clothes in common washing machines..

jon yong's farewell on sunday.. and we thought he was going to stay on and annoy us with all the words that come out of his mouth. haha. oh well. :\

okay it's past even my studying bedtime, need to sleep.

smile. smile. and sleep it away.


Lord prepare me
to be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
with thanksgiving
i'll be a living sanctuary
for You

this used to be one of my favourite songs in primary school.


and i worship You Lord
my life in You restored
here is my heart
make it Your sanctuary
for nobody else but Jesus
only You



it's always raining in my head.

cold and wet today. braving the wind and rain was a waste of time in my opinion. atherosclerosis (completely out of point since we're supposed to be doing GIT now), the lecturer was so young he looked like he could be one of us. a registrar, anyway.

was convinced to go for the indigenous health lecture, although i regretted it. completely boring and a slept for about an hour of it (it was 1.5 hours long). only the discussion part at the end was interesting. heh kw's and my cabin is supposed to be the "mahjong and cooking" cabin during rural. haha.

jason loke uploaded our p5/6 photo on fb haha. quite hilarious, everyone's responses. think he wants to organise a class gathering at the end of the year. haha. should be interesting, haven't seen quite a few of them since primary school! ;p





he said she said

it's been a tiring day. got up at 7 and got to eh4 just before they opened the doors. almost fell asleep during the 2.5 hours of exam. x| so tired! didn't know how to answer a lot of the questions, couldn't remember most of last sem's/ last year's stuff as well.

my eyes are like >.< nowww. chronic sleep deprivation haha.

talked to wanjie sheryl charmaine and tae about singapore politics during lunch, quite funny haha. and i kept falling asleep during the menopause lecture.

it's a really good idea to have the exam review right after the exam when all the questions are still fresh in our heads. all of us were counting our marks haha. i think they used like almost exactly the same paper as last year lah. all the stats were still there haha.

didn't really know how to read ecgs, didn't know much microbio, or pharmaco, or anatomy, endocrine and reproductive and hlsd were okay. the best question in the whole paper - label a diagram of the nephron. haha so easy. and they didn't test epilepsy drugs and general anaesthetics, which we were revising on the way to the engineering hall haha.

slept through the second half of the anat lecture too, then sheryl drove us to cold rock! :D had roche banana icecream with malteaser mixed in. :D not bad. then we didn't know what to do, so we went to the cinema, but there wasn't much there either. so we went to the glen, sat somewhere in centro and talked until all the shops were closed, then we went to have dinner. claypot rice! xD and watched the olympics, diving and volleyball and baseball/ softball. then sheryl sent us back. :)

it was really cold today.

still have to do pcl i keep forgetting.

charmaine tae and i are planning to go to essendon dfo on saturday! :D with whoever else wants to go. haha. been deprived of shopping for too long already.


LESS THAN SIX HOURS TO GO. GOODNIGHT.


because i'm blessed! :D

i was woken up on three counts this morning: phone alarm, call, and yuwan bringing dandenong into the room in a grocery bag. haha.

got to the city at about 10.40am, had breakfast and went to wesley. both my old supervisor and new supervisor weren't there, so i didn't really have anything to do. quite irritating. and irresponsible of them i think. and i couldn't exactly study in front of them either.

went off for my lunch break at 12.45pm, but i didn't have lunch. walked around looking at books instead. haha. i want to reread the curious incident of the dog in the night time, after learning a bit about asperger's.

after lunch all the wesley people got together in the schoolhouse for presentations of what we've been doing at our placements and our hp project. josh and i didn't prepare (in fact, before going up he asked me what our project was again), so we just talked nonsense. hurr.

got home earlyish (5.45pm), and had food delivered. :) showered, had dinner, am needing to study now. i always feel sleepy just as i'm about to study haha. need caffeine. rawr. i was falling asleep in cbp so i drank tea!

exam tomorrow morning, reading time starts at 7.50am which is ridiculous. so early! but i guess it's a consolation that it's in the engineering hall so we don't have to walk so far.

we're going to cold rock for icecream tomorrow night! :D supposedly. i hope we do. apparently it isn't expensive here.

i intend to sleep late tonight so hopefully i don't zzz during the exam! the menopause/ anatomy lectures aren't as important. just have to keep awake for the exam and the exam review.

goodnight. ;p





because you can't be more fallen, you're safe.

studying is extremely tiring, i've found. not just mentally, but physically and emotionally as well.

i almost made it through the stack of stuff i brought to study today actually, just that i'm not entirely sure what i was reading. haha. quantity, not quality.. oh well it's somewhere in there, hopefully it'll surface at the right time on wednesday morning.

and after dinner tonight i've also discovered that i can stuff an amazing amount of food into my stomach. (okay first you have to understand that 'an amazing amount' is relative) if i do this every day i should be able to donate blood really soon. haha. too bad there is no way that's going to happen.

read about the weird cheng guy! :\ so scary. and disturbing.

really don't want to go for cbp tomorrow, it's such a drag. computer work and presentations (eww). am wondering if it's worth it to go to the city early to find film too, but i doubt it. probably won't take much in maryborough? i think. the weather hasn't been good.

jiayou everyone! don't die yet we only have one more day to go!


i'm itching to go to dempsey. and actually also to quite a few places (which are a lot more accessible to me now, i might add). eeks. okay i can't wait for singapore. singaporeeee. and phuket. ;p

studying is driving me crazy. that is an understatement. thank you for mudcake though!

eugene is coming back early and i think zx isn't coming back! how to come back from maryborough?

okay my life is boring i have nothing else to say! have to burn midnight oil and mess up my circadian rhythm for now. rawr actually my life is pretty messed up now anyway. grr. HELP.

will go home in about an hour and i don't know what's going to happen after that.


don't let that overtake the fact that before that-

sunday is almost gone and week 6 is starting! i was happily going to camp in hargrave from 3-9, but then i realised that uni ends at 5! :( but the last class is histo pract, and in light of the exam being on wednesday, i might not go.

eeks i'm supposed to be getting better with my words. :\ rawr have to remember to try.

also, i should stop making my bedtime 2am, i think it really stops me from functioning at an optimum level. hmm.

people have been saying that cherlyn and i look alike! haha. i think she looks a lot more like marc than me. but she does remind me of my sister, like wanjie would say, same pattern one. ;p

during cds uncle kelvin played this video of this guy, nick vujicic, who was born without limbs. his story is really quite amazing! go see! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DxlJWJ_WfA

came back after church and read a bit, then slept a bit, then had dinner.







after standing for the whole day i have to sit down now. my legs were already giving way by the end of dinner. lousy right?

so anyway i wanted to get up at 8.30 but only managed to get up at about 10. baked rainbow muffins from 11 to about 4, then walked to monash uniting church with chunhoong at about 4.50. it was a long walk, but conversation was interesting.

packed muffins and finished up the bookmarks in the kitchen, then we played games and heard their testimonies and had dinner. and rainbow cake. haha. and photos. and jocelyn opened her presents and her friends got her a 1TB mybook! :O i also wanttt.

then sudha drove us back and we washed up etc. talked on the phone for an hour. yeah i should be studying now but i have no motivation. no motivationnn. :(

wanjie slept from 8pm-3pm! :O wish i could do that too.

emo songs by yellowcard. sundays are rest days, but i don't want a boring sunday.

and rural's in a week, and i don't want to go either.








it is really difficult to be in close proximity.

i like old old songs.

uni is over for the week again. uneventful school day, was home for about half an hour before pickup for dinner at gold leaf in springvale, but we had a bit of time while waiting so we started playing random games on the rusden house stairs.

the first years wrapped zhilin's car in newspaper. haha. dinner was a lot of chicken. ;p zhilin's mother made cheesecake and ivy made raspberry yoghurt cake!

we were 45 mins late for half night prayer, but i was so tired by 12mn, slept a bit on the way back. got back at 1, i really shouldn't be awake now.

struggling, fighting, in a way i have to say it's interesting to see different views and different bits of a person you only see in certain situations, but that being said it would be a lot easier if i could look at it from the outside and not have to feel everything i feel. this is the roller coaster, i suppose you have to scream your head off so you don't get sick.


discard;



after coming back from clinical skills tute i did the usual stuff - eat, read. then i remembered - it's zhilin's birthday! and i hadn't baked anything for her. so i went to bake brownie (which turned out really weird) because i am quite sick of muffins already.

had dinner and did stuff while yuwan had shepherding, and then it was my turn. and after talking, ivy drove us over to the halls where we dropped by jessica's room (to get matches) and yechia's room (for yuwan to pass her her present), and then to zhilin's room, where we surprised her (and her mum) with the brownie cake thing! ;p with the help of her next door neighbour. ;p

then we sat down and had pineapple tarts made by her mum, and talked and listened to them sing chinese/ hokkien songs. ;p some of the stuff her mum shared was really quite amazing i think. we stayed till just after 12 to wish her and pray for her, and then came back to do pcl and stuff.

ivy says i have to be more assertive toooo.


once again, happy birthday rong! ;p



heh i woke up grumpy this morning, ten minutes before having to leave the house for the paeds clinical skills lect at 8am. but the lecture ended early, and we stood chatting inside R1 for a while about the wellbeing centre and more, then went off to the rural health office to fill in/ submit my form because i'd had no idea i was supposed to. it was due weeks ago, they said, but the lady was v nice and didn't really scold me, although apparently she'd left messages on my voicemail several times. :\ kw helped me return the hlsd book so i didn't have to walk all the way to hargrave. :)

went to clayton and bought a ton of bananas and tomatoes. home for a chapalang lunch and to read agatha christie (!), and yes i'm supposed to study. :\ have to walk back to uni at about 2.40 too, for the clinical skills tute. lazy!

congrats wanjie! :D and thanks. ;p eeks another person who calls me prawn! haha.

tau foo fa! xD

been talking to a few people i haven't talked to in a while/ don't usually talk to. i even went to email this random girl i met at harbour macs in 2005 (we sent 3 emails and i didn't reply the last one). well. and i keep telling myself i have to wait until after exam but i can't wait to get started haha.

what makes you happy. what keeps you alive.


i have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work.


"when..?"
"every day, after.."

i remember being asked once, during a random discussion, what's the similarity between these two people? we had an answer. i don't want to have another one. no, i don't want to answer in the same way.

they say: don't take yourself too seriously, no one else does either. i guess sometimes you shouldn't take other people too seriously, either.

every day is the here and now. you know better than that, you should, by now.

friday is half night prayer so we'll get back at about 1? and then on saturday morning to clayton to get supplies and i foresee a colourful afternoon, and then the birthday party. :)

yeah i am kind of worried about not studying on saturday.


happy birthday rong <3


frequent reminders.

i made it through today, lectures on project reports, the brain, ageing, grief and all. wanjie and charmaine went to play soccer during lunch so they were missing, and tae gave us blueberry and lemon yoghurt muffins he'd baked for cbp. :) we spent the second break in john medley reading/ watching the olympics.

and our hp/cbp meeting was cancelled because josh was sleeping at home. we have to do a presentation next tuesday, which is stupid because the exam is on wednesday and nobody has time to even finish studying, much less prepare for a presentation.

this is what ehalley said:



Regarding the upcoming exam:

The weightings of the themes are APPROXIMATELY:

15% Theme 2
80% Theme 3
5% Theme 4

The questions will focus on the following systems:

Endocrine, Renal, Reproductive, GI, CVS, Respiratory

and cover the following disciplines:

HPKM, Pharmacology, Physio/Biochem, Anatomy, Pathology/ID/microbiology, HLSD

a very small number of anatomy questions are from year one.



please tell me what that doesn't cover.

on monday mavis and i were talking about lit films and hating people dying. i hate thinking about people dying. it reminds me of cny eve.

anyway. calvin will come and deliver tau foo fa in the evening. :)

wonder what that means about subsequent muffins.

i have to do pcl and study, we have one week left and i have to say i don't know anything at the moment. yuwan says studying in the morning makes her happy, i say having a study break makes me happy. spending whole days in hargrave makes me happy. i am out of my mind.

i will get better.

you're not going to disappear.





fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars

today was not bad, i have to say. although i left the house late (and had to go back multiple times because i forgot stuff). although i had to wear the pointy shoes because the rubi ones died and the river island ones are wet (and smelly). although it was grey.

i managed to catch the bus. :) and i caught the train with ravind and alyaa (?). and i started on a new project today, related to mental illness, so it's actually relevant, not to mention interesting. but they're having a shortage of computers, so i'll bring picky next week. :) bad news is, i still have to do my 100 hours, and the tuesday after next we start class (i mean on tuesdays), which means it will eat into my outside time. :\

oh and i arrived in the city at 10, went to the camera shop and they still didn't have film. the best thing they could tell me was that it would be in within a couple of weeks. hmm. i guess if they still don't have stock next week i'll go to the other shop. so anyway i had too much time so i went to have breakfast and started reading cure for the common life, which ivy gave me last year and i read halfway and stopped. :\ oh then i went to the nice shop beside kikki.k. :D shops are screaming happy father's day.

it rained when i went out for lunch. the receptionist recognised me today. i had to shuffle between computers, and i drank two mugs of milo.

i finished work at 4.15 and decided that i had to get a new pair of shoes, so i went to novo. no stock! okay, last pair. so the lady helped me call the bourke st branch and i walked over. then to get groceries and to the train station.

met richard there so we went back together. that was probably the first time i really talked to him properly. then when we got to the bus loop, i met yus, and we took the security bus back together. it was quite nice to have people to walk/ talk with every time i travelled today. ;p

hp/cbp meeting tomorrow! we have to get to work people.

i love how dandenong runs to the cage door when i go to say hello. ;p she's so cuuute. ;p

daniel flew back today.

oh. and on the way home, this word kept popping into my head, but i couldn't remember what it meant. so i came back and checked. recalcitrant. :\ oh dear, is someone trying to tell me something. :\


almost fascinating.

ivyong
dun be so depressed leh
scare me
turn it into something beautiful;
haha i think im making your life difficult
ivyong
no lah
u aren't
sometimes we all need a good knock on our heads to get us moving along


temporarily finished my pcl, then had to go out for a while so yuwan and i ran out and stood there looking at the stars and watching breath condensation for a minute. then the bus came and left, the bus driver was nice if he knew. then we ran back, and by the time we were back in the apartment we were warm enough to not wear a jacket. it's freezing outside. thanks anyway. :)

i almost want to stop asking questions.

miss you too, huiru. :(


rain.

lecture pcl lecture lunch lecture histo pract. i think the only thing that really stood out to me today was the km lecture in which we had to do probabilities and i found out that i can't do math anymore. it feels quite weird (although i already knew this last year when we had to do epi), and i miss being able to do math like when i was in taylors.

this week's pcl topic is interesting too, preterm labour. my task is sian though because i don't like to say "i'll do..." and yeah so i ended up with rurality. oh well. it will still be interesting to learn about it. ;p

after uni i went home with mavis and she baked muffins for her friend's birthday. they turned out quite cute because they were quite flat (nothing to do with the muffin mix, everything to do with the muffin cups), and she left two for us. :)

then i packed the box and we had dinner, yuwan cooked liver for me. :D otherwise, i am mainly living off leftovers, especially since she's fasting meat.

okay i shall go do something useful with my night. it's too late for the photos but i hope i'll be able to get film tomorrow!

go see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

painfully honest.


of unimportance;

i've often quoted the phrase "the opposite of love is indifference", but i don't think i quite understood it. hate leaves you in a fury, it gives you a reason to feel the way you do, it tosses you up inside and out, it crumples you and is debilitating, it eats you up, like a big RAWR. indifference, on the other hand, just leaves you feeling empty, like there's this big hole inside of you, and even worse, it's growing. would i rather not understand it? i wonder.

"thank you."

i have to admit that i do expect things though i know i shouldn't, and i am disappointed when things don't happen, when i shouldn't be, and it leaves me somewhere in between the growing hole and the eating fury. no, i don't like it. i try not to expect anything, but i'm not very good at it.

my skin is opening up and refuses to close again, i have to stop bending my finger. and thumb.

another week of uni is beginning soon and i cannot even begin to describe how that makes me feel.

yuwan says she is stressed and asks why i'm not stressed, i say look at the amount of baking i've been doing, how can you say i'm not stressed! she says i manipulate her and emotionally persecute her. oh and i manipulate her mouse too. haha. she played the emo-proof chinese song sus sent me years ago and i sang along, reading the words for the first time. ;p

it's cold and rainy and late, and there are arctic winds (gale force haha). and i am in need of comfort.

aren't you tired of being invisible whenever there are people around? i miss conversation, reassurance, and affirmation.

aiyah.♥


the road dividers of our hearts,
and non-conversations

i came back from hargrave, finished the sea by john banville, napped a bit, talked to army for about half an hour, talked to yuwan when she got back, talked to kanesh when he called for a few minutes. he says i should go back to sg and not be depressed. bypassed most of the nonsense talk this time, which was kind of good.

the family went to akyab to watch the fireworks! i remember watching them when we used to stay there. the last time i remember watching ndp (before last year) was in the hospital waiting room when aunty sh gave birth to ian (okay i realise the initials are the same) and we were waiting.

i watched the live webcast while having dinner, washing up and letting dandenong run about. they didn't sing nice old national day songs though. that's one of the best parts, second to the fireworks. ;p or maybe i'm just weird.

and saturday is gone. my skin is cracked in too many places, i need to be hydrated.

most of the time, if not all..


every year,
there are 136 million births.
3.3 million babies are stillborn.
4 million babies die within 28 days of birth.
529,000 women die in pregnancy or childbirth.
68,000 women die because of unsafe abortion.
):


happy national day.

it doesn't feel national day-ish at all. such a different feeling from last year, but i suppose that's because it was a uni day and most of us went to school in red+white. this year, it's saturday.

i used to love saturdays, even up till last year, although in taylors it was just my sleep-in-and-miss-hot-breakfast day. i wish it wasn't so cold so i could go out for a walk. the sky is blue and the sun is out, but i know it's deceptively cold.

saturday mornings are always restless because it feels like i'm just helplessly waiting for hargrave to open. what i really want, besides all of the obvious unmentioned (and probably unknown, by the looks of it), is a study break. they should really move the midsem break to the week before the exam. that means next week.

i haven't swapped duties so i suppose i'll be coming back at the end of the first week of rural. good or bad, i'm not sure. yes i like running away sometimes.

i'm taking myself off the drugs. :)

surprise me.


the day started off by running back to the apartment to change from skirt and leggings to capris. three lectures in the same lecture theatre by the same lecturer. but he was really good i think, plus the lectures were on obstetrics, double plus. ;p

yeah okay i've skipped a lot of classes this week. i know. i shouldn't.

went to the library and studied placentation, then wrote a card to yus, and went out to take a photo, it was a really pretty day. i have to admit i was disappointed the meds didn't work like i thought (i'd imagined them to be a miracle drug), so i took the orange one as well and then i made it through the day, relatively pain-free, i'm happy to say. :)

class ended at 5pm today (as it will for the rest of the semester), and i walked back with wanjie, we were going "outer hand, inner hand, outer, inner, grab, pull.." and "right jerk, left jerk, right jerk, left jerk, down down up up, right jerk, left jerk" haha it was quite funny.

hurried to cook some mexican fish thing, then walked to wellington in the rain. at farrer we met rachel who was going to meet rachel, without an umbrella, so we shared until we met rachel (who didn't have an umbrella either), and then passed mine to them. haha. then we walked there with cheanying's umbrella. cold and wet.

played the mouse game, it got quite funny at the free style round when everyone was saying things like "i love nutella" and "candy floss" and "i've lost count". zepeng had to do a forfeit and we made him sing a national day song, he sang "this is my country, this is my flag.." oh and during dinner everyone was like singing their school songs, quite hilarious. ;p

wandering, am i wandering.

watched bits of the opening ceremony of the beijing olympics after cg, along with ivy's apple sponge (or rather, the crust of apple sponge ;p), caramel chocolate and nachos. i've never watched the olympics before.

pleaseee don't rain tomorrow. :( i need to have the motivation to get out of the house. it's national day, and i'm wondering if i should go to deakin for the smsv thing. national days are inevitably food and songs, and lots of red and white, but maybe this year will be different.

and just for yurong:




pretty right? :) the last time i got flowers was three valentine's days ago. haha. thank you again! :)


burnt out, i'm so numb now
that the fire's just an ember
way down in the corner
of my cold cold heart.

our aliances. it may not always seem that there are two sides, but once in a while what you do betrays the fact that there are. and by your words and your actions, you make your choice clear, whether or not it was what you meant to do. the one who was chosen, and the one who was left behind, and you cannot have those moments back, you cannot choose a second time. who do you cut in the meantime?

turbulence.

my heart is broken as i cry
like so many times before
but my eyes are dry before i leave the floor


on a brighter note, yurong got me roses! :D grace passed them to me this evening. :) thank youuu. (okay i really never thought it would be this nice to get flowers)


yay i'm temporarily over my temporary depression, so i will blog.

last night wanjie and christina came over bearing bubble tea from glen! :D we played with dandenong, who got really hyperactive, sang/ recited nursery rhymes (and did nursery rhyme trivia) and remembered fairytales and talked about how they were morbid, but yuwan insisted that little red riding hood was okay because when the guy cut open the wolf, the grandmother was still whole and alive. haha. then we started talking about dancing, and we youtubed hc's mass dance and christina taught us. :p haha super funny. then chris and wanjie did wanjie's chori chori dance also, it's different from the sa one but still, chori chori is funny either way. ;p then we got psyched about national day and got wanjie to try yuwan's clothes on haha cos she said she didn't have red+white. then they went home at about 1am.

before they came jean marc came to try and fix yuwan's comp, which got a virus. had dinner together, and we found out a lot about jm we didn't know before. haha. talked about not frying food and eating veg:meat 5:1 and sports and idols.

hmm. so i slept at 3am, showered and tried to do a bit more of pcl and finally went to sleep when it hit the 4 hour mark because i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get up. but yeah we weren't late for the lecture.

and spc is over, every bit of it, written summary and oral presentation, q&a and discussion, peer and self assessments, finally something to leave behind.

i am your living breathing model of vital exhaustion, that and even more. i'm not only completely physically and mentally exhausted at the end of the day, i'm already like that before the day has even started. i seriously think there's something wrong with me, maybe my iron levels dropped. but oh! last night i weighed 44kg! :D achievement okay. yuwan asked if i could gain one more kg by tomorrow (blood donation drive day). haha. impossible.

so anyway i think we're wearing red+white to uni tomorrow, haha i am always amused by how we are only patriotic outside singapore, but yeah like zhilin said, it's something to look forward to mah. ;p so fun haha. i shall bring my diana and hope the weather is good tomorrow. :D


now we're back to the beginning
it's just a feeling and no one knows yet
but just because they can't feel it too
doesn't mean that you have to forget
let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'til they're before your eyes
you'll come back when they call you
no need to say goodbye

this morning yuwan came into my room and asked me: is there a lecture at 8 today? i looked at my clock: it said 7.37am. yes, there was. then she asked me: what are you doing? i answered: sleeping! haha. i decided to skip the 8am knowledge management (?) lecture, but i didn't go back to sleep in case i overslept again. did things like print notes and feed the mouse and turn picky off so ical would work again.

i have to admit that when i saw chinaman walking along the gravel path i slowed down even though i was slightly late. :\

lecture on foetal deformities (?) and STIs. yes evidently i haven't been paying much attention. the STI lecture was graphic though. and near the end some guy came in and sat at the corner, they were whispering about how he was in the wrong lecture theatre, it often happens and everyone knows when it does because everyone supposedly knows everyone in our cohort. anyway he showed this video at the end of the lecture, from hosanna church, inviting people for events on 10th and 17th august. we went up to him after that because yuwan wanted to tell him he was v cool. ;p

i am a very impatient person. :\

had our spc OP run through in cmhse, we didn't have a room (the year1s were having epi tute and future meddies were having interviews), so we practised outside the lift, and chunhoong was our audience.

was reminded of august two years ago when i had to go to cmhse for my interview too. told kaihan about richard l. and the other lady interviewer who laughed at me when i said that organ donation depends on whether the person donating consents, and they said the donator is dead! i said i was thinking of kidney or liver transplants. :X

went to clayton to get groceries, met michelle on the bus. came back and had lunch (periperi, leftover (cold) milo from this morning, a mango), then baked a batch of banana choc chip muffins because i felt bad that i hadn't baked anything for joce and zepeng. :\

they smell good anyway. i am so tempted to give dandenong a bit of fruit every time i eat something, like i used to do with bubbles and sometimes coffee and kitkat (but not very often cos they don't like most things), but then i'm scared it has too much sugar and she won't be able to take it. :\ is that like logical.

the weather forecast for maryborough says the lower limit is negative! :O i am going to freeze.

stop the prostaglandinsss!


WIDE SMILES. :)

i realised why i find it so difficult to keep awake at nights. because i haven't been talking to people! heh. anyway. i've almost given up on pcl, i'll do it tomorrow evening. read through my part of the spc, i can't be bothered with other parts cos they don't direct questions to particular people, and everyone should obviously know their own part. drew kh's diagram as well (extremely useful) and added in the screening and types of haemochromatosis and which bits they affect. yay. and i'm doing an experiment with drugs.


conversations that don't require words to exist.

zhilin sent us this year's national day songs - english and chinese. haha. i don't think it's that nice, but oh well.

today was tiring. i went to the city early in the hopes of printing photos and buying film, but i forgot to bring the thumbdrive and the shop was out of the film. :| i didn't try the other shop because it's more expensive. oh well. i can wait. a while. so i had breakfast and went for cbp.

cbp today was more editing/ formatting/ typing documents, i have to admit i was quite sian of that kind of work already so i wasn't that meticulous, made mistakes. :\ then i had to watch the suicide dvd again and do the worksheet. did coversheets and everything, and the two DVD packages were completed. that was quite satisfactory. haha.

was let off at 4, so i went to meet ian and daniel at bang&olufsen, then walked around, through lt collins st (omg so nice to take photos! esp. in the little alley with all the cool food shops omg i have to go back), and to flinders to have lord of the fries fries, then daniel met his friend and went off to have dinner and watch the dark knight (which i still haven't watched. :(( GRUMBLES), and we walked around a bit before going back for dinner/ core team.

walked back watching the stars and moon. :) some days i just love melbourne's weather. like when you can feel the heat of the sun on your face, yet the air is cool and crisp, and especially when there isn't anyone smoking around you, you can gulp it in without feeling like you're swimming in humidity. haha. i can't explain it, but it makes me smile. :)

so we went to imperial kingdom for dinner to celebrate jocelyn's and zepeng's birthdays, although zepeng was only there for the last 15mins. haha. food was alright, i liked the dessert haha. ivy and her $12000 ring and half an hour buffers. ;p

yuwan says exam is in TWO WEEKS. on cue, i start freaking out. have to spend tonight understanding spc and finishing pcl, and then, sometime soon, i really have to start studying.


pcl. :( i have no time to study! but i'm too tired to finish it so i'm going to sleep. and go to the city slightly earlier to get stuff and then for cbp. i forgot to bake stuff for jocelyn and zepeng. :\ dinner tomorrow, i hope i get let off early again, like maybe around 4. if i follow group A's cbp timetable this will be my third last week. oh and we have a new cbp tutor, and our feedback isn't in yet. they better give us an extension. headache backache i am growing old.








took the mouse out, since i haven't done that in a while. she loves rolled oats, which is a good way to get rid of the huge packet i bought, at least until the next time i bake the cookies. ;p she's scampering up and down my arm haha. ;p

in the morning while walking to south1 i told yuwan, i feel like taking a bus home later.. from the bus loop! she said, that's a very bad sign right. :\ yeah but in the end i managed to walk to the post office and back, walked home in a very haphazard way, but just in the general direction of home.

had the usual snack and read a bit, then fell asleep. :\ until 6+, and i remembered i was supposed to cook dinner. haha. tired! and there's spc meeting later, but hopefully we'll just run through it and get to go home early.

charmaine said to me today, the opposite of love is indifference. i'm still trying to figure out what to do, but my temporary management is just to avoid anything that i might not like.

okay better put dandenong back in the cage and have dinner. must mug tonight! :\


there is love that came for us-

all the things i forget to address when the topic is brought up. the things by which i really mean what i'm saying.. but it's alright i'm sure it'll come up again.

the weekend is over and "next monday" is here. this week's timetable is terrible, and including spc meetings, the make-up histology pract, and two extra lectures after pcl on friday.. hmm. i really hope i survive the week.

love the song on yurong's blog - stronger by hillsong.

You are stronger, You are stronger
sin is broken, You have saved me
it is written, Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all


and this one they were playing/ we were singing before dinner tonight:

light the fire again

don't let my love grow cold
i'm calling out, light the fire again
don't let my vision die
i'm calling out, light the fire again

You know my heart, my deeds
i'm calling out, light the fire again
i need Your discipline
i'm calling out, light the fire again

i am here to find gold refined in the fire
naked and poor, wretched and blind i come
clothe me in white, so i won't be ashamed
Lord light the fire again


happy yellow and blue 120th founder's day. :)


a hundred cookies and a bit of time.

last night was good fun. :) lester sent us to sheryl's place after set up, and we had steamboat dinner. then we had this lengthy discussion about staring into people's eyes and taking a reproductive history, and chauwang pretended to be a female prostitute interviewed by christina. haha. then he tried to take a history in malay, and yunying translated for tae and i. ;p after dinner and cleaning up we played pictionary. okay they did. ryan and i were picking the cards, choosing those that were the hardest/ funniest to draw. haha. linmo and christina won, both of them are too fast. haha. and christina draws v well! ;p sheryl drove us back after the whole thing, got back at about 12.40? and slept at about 2ish, after peeling tea eggs etc.

this morning we were early for pre-service prayer, so yuwan and i raced down the road and up the grassy slope and across the field to the playground. :D tried to climb the spiderweb thing but it was too slippery, so we went to climb safer things like the mini rock wall haha. all the old school playground things. ;p quite fun haha. then we ran back.





in order for you to have an unwavering answer, you first have to have an answer.

the walk to the library was worth it. it wasn't that cold walking there, and the flowers are out. :) the studying wasn't bad too, although i didn't finish week 3. two lectures left, one of which i don't have notes for. but productive enough because i think i can actually remember what i studied. :O

met nooihoay chengkhoon cheanying and linmo who were on their way to play badminton, and then charis as well. :) came back and started making tea eggs, had junk food and replayed the chinese song over and over because yuwan is a new fan. haha.

chew is picking us up for set up from the halls, but we have no idea how we're going to get to sheryl's house yet. everyone's on duty.

i think if you don't bother doing something, someone else will do it in place of you. and that might not necessarily be what you want either.

(COLD.)


"next monday"

i need more excitement in my life, i need new things to happen, i need more than this monotonous routine, i need to get out. i can't even remember the last time i actually went out, not counting tuesdays.

instant messages are rare, few and far between. i dreamt that someone exchanged my swivel phone for a really ugly fat one and i was so upset. the skin on my thumb is flaking, some of my fingers get oedematous once in a while, and i don't know why. haha i so cannot stay in melbourne.

music! yuwan asked me if i want to learn keyboard.. haha. ;p when i go home in nineteen weeks i'll be the only one using the piano again. and i'll get to see tuna, finally. and play with coffee, i really hope he won't be dead by the time i get back. he'd be 2 years old. :D

i can't think of what to bake for spc this coming thurs.

i need new songs, too, goodbye for the next don't-know-how-long.


and just by the way:

Hello everyone:

Our Malaysian partner, CREST (Crisis Relief Services & Training) will be conducting a Disaster Relief School from 29^th September to 4^th October 2008 (Monday to Saturday, including Hari Raya Puasa).

This 6 days training course will be held in Selangor, Malaysia and the cost is S$400 per participant (accommodation and food included). The training will provide us an understanding of the whole area of Disaster Relief with special emphasis in acquiring practical skills and confidence in carrying out our relief work

CRS will like to encourage all volunteers (regardless experienced or without experience) to join in this training course. You can find the content, speaker, location and others details as well as registration information in the documents attached.

Please feel free to contact us if you have any enquires on this course, and do feel free to forward this e-mail to any Christian friends whom you think will be interested. We look forward to your registration.

Thank you.
Crisis Relief Singapore

Your grace is enough.

the cameras are here! ;p okay they're at the post office, meaning i'll go pick them up either on monday or tuesday.

everyone was so tired at cg tonight. yuwan and i were comparing this year with last, and it seems like last year was a lot more eventful. probably because the leaders are busy and tired, and we are all busy and tired, but yeah it isn't really fair for the first years.

yisi sent us back. ;p the surprise ended up being a surprise cos yuwan didn't tell zhilin! :D haha. and zepeng thinks the war is funny and immature. which is true, i agree, only i don't know how to do it any other way.

think i'll have to go to hargrave tomorrow after lunch to mug. if i stay at home i'll just end up doing random weird things and wasting my whole saturday away. that is, unless people come and visit..

shall go catch up on a bit of my sleep debt and hopefully will get up when the alarm rings in the morning. goodnight.


those words are so rare.

it was so difficult to drag myself out of bed this morning. :\ then when i reached cg59 (about 15mins late), only three other people were there. and the best part was, our tutor wasn't even there. grr. a few others came and we hung around talking until about 8.45 then went to collect our CLIs from cmhse. then we went to have breakfast at grain express (cheecheongfun!) and then chauwang and daniel lau came join us (grace ravind and i).

slept through the first lecture on fertility and eggs and sperms, totally gave up. it's so irritating when they don't put lecture notes up. grr. woke up for the next lecture cos it was on hlsd. ;p haha. lunch at grain express again, didn't really eat. lousy hot chocolate from coffee hq (fibonacci is so much better) and a banana, and then read through pcl notes in john medley.

pcl finished early, i left quickly so our tutor didn't get to catch me. yuwan said he told her that we have to participate more in the discussion and that yuwan cannot sit with me anymore. haha. anyway i went to hargrave to collect my hlsd book (now that i've finally gotten my hands on it i don't feel like reading it :\) and went home. in the rain.

baked two banana mars bar cakes, one for cg later and one for people and to bring to sheryl's house tomorrow night. :) hee. i love baking. ;p speaking of which, wanjie baked me a cookie! :D

hmm was just remembering an incident that happened quite a while ago. at least 1.5 years ago i think. i remember waking up that morning and doubting so much that it would happen. especially after the msn conference and late night before. and i was so ready to just call it off. but then i remember being amazed that people didn't only appear, they were on time too. and i remember feeling so blessed (yes, again) that i had people who would do things like that for me, weird as i may be, weird as the things i ask them to do may be. :) love you allll. :)


we went out to bury dandelion, and then sophie arrived. :) brought her to our place before going over to nando's for dinner with ivy joab christina jocelyn cherlyn tiffany sam han and cihan's housemate. and zepeng dropped by just as we were about to leave.

christina came over to see dandenong and we talked from 8.45 until 1am, haha so late but it was nice. :p all sorts of random things, from love to reproductive history taking and regrets. edited pcl and am going to print it out, along with the hlsd notes, then going to sleep. :)