fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

ha i finally went to the ITS desk and they helped me change the proxy so i can now use safari in uni. :) also, it's only the first week and i am already dying.


uni started today. :( it is so depressing. ugh. today was an 8-5 day, with a one hour break somewhere in between. remember how we used to be able to ease our way into school. rawr. it's only the first day and it's already full swing all the way. :( and the pcls are starting to be run like pbls, and i don't like my new anat tutor. plus the new cadavers smell exceptionally bad. :\ and people have been moved to group B. :( :(

thankfully though, we get tuesdays off! :D okay for the first 3 weeks at least, until CPB starts. :) yay.

rawr i'm supposed to be doing pcl! and the library closes in 20 mins! haha. forget it i shall go home and study thoracic walls because i was completely lost in the lecture and anat pract today. :\ i am stressed. and it's only the first day! ahh.


stolen from sus' blog:
(she got it from elsewhere)

And on your list of things to do, is make me fall in love with you.
Someone who turns up on your doorstep for no reason, bearing cookies, flowers and a smile so sweet.
Someone who is willing to rush out at 3am just because you're crying or mad.
Someone who would make chicken soup when you're sick in spite of zilch culinary experience.
Someone who doesn't mind giving you piggyback rides because your heels are vengeful.
Someone who puts up with your PMS every month even though you're being bloody unreasonable. Pun intended.
Someone who would write you a song everytime you said you simply wanted to hear one.
Someone who isn't afraid to hold your hand infront of his friends, even if it isn't "macho" to do so.
Someone who stays up with you when you're doing your homework or rushing a project, just so you wouldn't have to be alone.

(a chopped up extract)
girls! wait, i'm very sure God has someone for you. wait, he's just grooming your boy now. (: so when he meets you, he'll be man enough. remember it's a 3 people thing. you, God, him. JIAYOU. much love :)


warning: (very) random
rawr i am bored. haha. i'm lazy to help out with the living and learning thing.. :\ and i am still clueless about the internet. haha. someone save me please. we're going to watch jumper tonight, at the glen. well a bunch of them are. i told ting i'd go though. but i didn't like the trailer. haha. i've been here about 10 days. and uni is starting in5 days. :( so soon. :( and i still haven't finished unpacking! haha. too many things and too little space. we have an empty shelf in the living room though. haha i'm rambling. i wish everyone would hurry up and come back! melbourne isn't the same without them. :( haha plus we have no internet so people have to call us to inform us about events. ;p yes i am rambling. boreddd. yesterday i was so bored i almost wanted to start studying. but then i couldn't make myself haha. ohh the pancake breakfast this morning was good. :D with icecream! :D hee. i've decided to eat more because they need more O+ blood. ;p love how dandelions grow so big and poofy. and a cloudless night sky. and how the city has old old buildings that can be framed against the intense blue of a summer sky. :D melbourne is pretty! oh yes. yuwan and i made one wall a scribble wall (yes i stole sebas' idea), and it already has some graffiti on it. :D so cool. haha.


hello people!
yes i am still alive. sorry. ;p i don't have internet yet though, which is why i'm sitting in the library doing this. i'll get it soon, hopefully. when i figure out which one to get. :\ urgh i hate having to do this on my own. anyway. i have to go help out for orientation and then i can go outttt. :]
btw who's that jason? just to make sure. ;p
i'll call soon, when i have the money!
<3



haha i had a good breakfast with them today. :) thanks everyone for coming! :) experimented with black+white and sepia and multishot. and our first group photos looked like negatives. on hindsight, 123456 is actually very emily rose haha. <3 will miss all of you much!

and everyone else, of course, who made this holiday good. :) come visit soon please!


standing on the rooftops. everybody scream your heart out

stupid packing.
stupid sitting on the suitcase and trying to force it shut.

have to at least get it to close before i sleep. RAWR. and i have to get up at like 6. i wish it was still december.

i think my family is weird and most people don't understand the dynamics of how we work. it seems that they expect very different things. and i can never find the words to explain how it's different.

sometimes i am thankful for the mask msn can provide, when you're conscious of it.

how do you keep giving when you're so tired? how is that possible? will it ever be enough? and what do you do if it isn't?

i am taking a break. i am going to stop pushing.


show me a smile then, and don't be unhappy

i hate how they pull people's faces back so they look younger, less wrinkles and lines and all that. how they make people look like anything other than what they used to look like. it makes them look like complete strangers. :(

have to wait for isaac and army and daddy to shower before i can. which means about an hour, which means i should go pack now, 'cause tomorrow when i go out after lunch it'll be until the airport. and there's breakfast tomorrow which means waking up at a crazily early time. and packing means sleeping late..

i am upset that i won't be around on saturday. :( and on monday. :(

my sister was trying to draw a family tree for me so i would stop asking her who was who and what all our granduncles' names were. one of my granduncles is called johnny and he looks like sweeney todd haha. how apt. uncle carey (?) came back, i hadn't seen him for years. he couldn't recognize me either. rebekah grew up since the last time i remembered. and samuel and aaron are like twins. my young uncles/ aunts have grown up. this is the one family reunion everyone turned up for.

hope everyone's cny was happy. :)

i'm flying off tomorrow. so fasttt.


"You don't love someone because they're perfect," she says. "You love them in spite of the fact that they're not."

it's chinese new year eve, and somehow it seemed like there were a lot more non-chinese on the streets.

spent the morning with peiyu, talking to mr fong, ms ong and mdm lee in college. mr fong is still the same. HE READS MY BLOG. hahaha. ms ong also still the same. and mdm lee is super funny. it's sad that she doesn't tell her classes stories anymore though. but it's cool that they get to learn pharmaceutical chem as an H3 subject! it would make life so much easier in uni. if their course is related, of course.

then peiyu brought me to eat wanton mee near national library. we wanted to eat durian ccf but it was closed. :( :( :( the wanton mee was really good anyway. :) haven't had zha wanton in ages. also wanted to eat in school at first but the stalls were all closed, so we settled for lychee ice.

went to river valley to pass sebas kevin's warcraft cds. he was blading in the carpark, so weird right. haha. he walked to great world with me, walked around inside a bit and collected my popcorn card. then had macs. then he went home.

i decided to finish reading the book so i could return it myself today. the ending was unexpected. to me, at least. anyway, despite all the bus stop route thingys at the bus stops, i got lost. again. rawr. don't like raffles city. got home a bit late, to find my gerbils and chicken being terrorized by the cousins.

msn went mad. i don't like adium.

an update on dylan the guinea pig:
- he used to eat treats as a staple, but he's finally given in to normal pellets
- he always topples his food bowl because sebas didn't buy ceramic
- he refuses to move when he's placed on dylan #2! ;p
- he bites sebas haha


i remember what we used to do for cny before 2006. in the morning we'd go to the tata's side ahtai's house to bai nian. and have lunch, which ahtai would cook herself. then the kids would play soccer in one of the rooms, and my sister and i would hang around. then we'd go home and find the other ahtai waiting in front of the tv. after a while, the other relatives would start coming, we'd have dinner, get angbaos etc.

it seems kind of far away. this cny wasn't supposed to be that much different, except for a visit to the hospice, of course.

it's cny eve, for goodness' sake. i don't even know what we're supposed to do now. plus all flights are fully booked already. of course, it's so late. i remember how, once in cg we were asked one question, and jason gave an answer that was all too true. except, of course, that i'm right here, but i wasn't there..

and i read this just a while ago-

See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded.
- Kate, My Sister's Keeper (Jodi Picoult)


"I get it," Anna says. "You were invisible, too."

i watched the vid on may's blog.
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
i always thought tetrapaks were recyclable too. :(

thank You God for the PGO. :D
that made it a bit happier, but surprisingly, not that much.
you know, after all the hype about telling people who in some way had a stake. sort of.

realised that i don't have much time to finish my sister's keeper, before i have to return it. somehow. there isn't even time to return it. gahhs. also have to collect my pants (are they even open on cny eve?) and pack. hate the packing the most. this afternoon was precious time wasted. :( eeps. too last minute, sigh.

went to have dinner with ian and his mum. i'm coughing so hard sometimes it makes me think i could cough to death. or something like that. :\ went to town after, met peiyu and alvin! :D haha.

kevin wants to ps and not go to school tomorrow! :( but peiyu says she'll go with me. hopefully she can wake up haha. and there's no news of anything happening after, i think we can all just go home.

sus told me there's a law against pilots sharing a cab/ any vehicle! haha. because if it gets into an accident, there's too much at stake. how come they have time to even think of such things?

forgot to mention that i saw josiah on sunday! :D after like two whole years of not seeing him! he came to church. haha. with funny hair. ;p rawr i am going back too soon.

abandonment issues heh. but then again nobody likes to be abandoned yes?

P A C K. :(

couldn't get used to it, i think.


quote of the day:
accounting is so boring, any form of distraction will be successful.
- diana mok
haha. ;p

went to see yurong's new house for the first time. we decided to start watching the simpsons movie before rong came haha. and ate chicken wings too.

when rong came we did the cny lou hei thing with the beehoon, saying auspicious things. hahaha. our chinese is like, dead. yurong's sister helped us take the pic. ;p
took popcorn out to run around a bit. yurong kept traumatising it! haha. and it kept pecking rong. ;p

then we watched road to something. actually they watched it. i fell asleep on the sofa. ;p it was a boring show! heh. woke up to watch snippets. ;p then after that we watched some channel 8 show that was a hundred years old. got zoe tay and a few other actors who looked so young at the time. and wear the pants very high and have outrageously curly hair that kind of thing. ;p haha super funny.

spent a long time trying to decide whether or not to stay over. rong finally decided not to, so diana sent us back. ;p yurong came for a ride. haha. in the car yurong took popcorn out and put it on the dashboard. WHERE IT SHITTED. hahahaha diana was going to kill yurong. ;D haha. from then on popcorn was kept in the cage. ;p

sent rong back first. my gate was locked so i forced the main gate open haha. i refuse to climb the gate. with a chicken. got back around 3. they start school at 10, 11, and 12 later. i am the slackest. ;p

alright going to SLEEP. have to pack when i wake up. haha. yurong doesn't want to send me off..

happy cny diana! ;p


reminder to flower:
accept mr fong on facebook before weds!
haha. ;p


had lunch with kevin and rong at the canteen near macs. wanted to meet johnny too but he had to do project. :( i'm always amazed at how people can recognize voices of people they haven't talked to in ages. on the phone. haha.

sebas pangsehed because he had to stay at home to watch people mount his tv. then he was too lazy to come out to meet me to stone at hv so i ended up going home. after rong brought me to her studio to look look haha. it was less glam than i imagined. ;p and suddenly all the faces of her friends i'd seen on pics on her blog materialised in front of me haha. thanks for the halls. ;p

watched a lot of shows and napped and slacked and snacked. goodness. paid my fees! finally. haven't started packing. haha. alright i shall do it tomorrow.

alex is freaking me out. :\ with emails from elaine and don't know who else. rawr.

patience. is a virtue.

dianana is coming to pick me up later! :D whee. the benefits of having a friend who drives. :D

omg.
ivyong says:
fawn
ivyong says:
what would u say if i didn't shepherd u anymore
the daisies and the roses; says:
HUHHHHHH
the daisies and the roses; says:
WHYYYY
ivyong says:
no no
ivyong says:
it's just a rhetorical qn lah!
ivyong says:
trust me


she thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses
in no simple language, someday she'll understand



we were meant to live for so much more
have we lost ourselves

Madonna said:
To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.

breakfast was cancelled. sebas went to camp and there was no one there haha. i was just too tired so i forfeited my durian ccf. :( i still want to eat it another time before flying away. should bring army there. ;p or go on weds after visiting SA or something.

flight's at 8.15pm on friday, by the way.

elaine wrote to alex:
We are trying to get the results released this week. If you fail the OSCE supp you will be required to repeat Year One and will have to provide a submission to the Academic Progress Committee outlining why you should be allowed to remain in the course. If APC allows you to continue, then you would have to meet whatever conditions they outline which may mean meeting with myself or another member of the Academic staff.

scary. :\

have to be at nus at 1pm. maybe can find rong to return kevin's the office haha.

it doesn't go away! or it does, but it always comes back. is that a good or bad thing.


he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

i don't know if the electricity is connected and i can't remember if i already arranged the water thing. gahhs. later i go there still no lights haha. have to pack this tornado-swept room by weds. ugh.

montues is so confusing. don't know what we're having for dinner, what we're watching, if we're staying over. haha. at most i'll just walk home. probably need a long walk anyway. diana come fetch me i'll bring popcorn! ;p

was reading lj's and came across someone's profile, and it said this:
love wins.
love always wins.

so on off. what is happening, i wonder.

heh. the emo mo mo doesn't want to do anything anymore. *grumbles.

OH WELL. just let it go yes.

read, because i promised. then sleep.



we'll see our name in city lights

had lunch with sus and amy after church today, at the chicken rice place.

it rained like mad. but after it lightened to a drizzle we went to sas for a while (to use the toilet and look in their art studio), then i brought them home to look at popcorn and coffee and kitkat. :) watched cartoon network with isaac and listened to him talk about his bionicles and amy played pokemon uno with him. ;p

popcorn is growing whitish feathers on his wing tips! haha it looks weird. haven't read up about chickens yet, i suppose i should. haha.

waiting for freshly baked pineapple tarts. :D yum. and then will watch shows. courtesy of kevin andrew thesman. ;p

this morning i replied/ sent all the emails i'd been procrastinating; the remaining pre-dep ones, lollipop and mr fong. haha.

results are due only on the 8th, same day fees are due. we are waiting. and i haven't paid.

eleven months! :O
ha give up already lah.


emo mo mo!

one hour before the alarm.

hello;
well i suppose not.
`just walk away.





recently i've been
hopelessly reaching

dragged myself up at 6.15 and almost died. thankfully joab was online to talk to me and wake me up a bit haha.

breakfast at hv coffee bean. it was supposed to be at 8am. i got there at 8.15, sebas 8.30, rong 9.15, kevin 9.30+, peiyu got there at like 10 when we were already leaving. haha. caleb got up late and ended up going to spca by himself. :\ this is why sebas and i always end up having breakfast on our own haha. even our late isn't too bad. ;p


this is dylan. he looks quite cute but is quite scaredy. like all guinea pigs. hopefully he doesn't jump off the balcony, or drown to death in the rain. or get thrown down from the fourth floor.


dylan lives in my guinea pig/ chicken cage, which needs to be spray-painted. sebas came over to pick it up after breakfast, while rong accompanied kevin to valentino and to get his new converses. then we went back to holland to get supplies from the bird shop, where all of us petted the carpet cat. it was super soft haha. [note the sarong skirt. ;p to attract malay boys haha]
kevin and i got sebas a second dylan while waiting for sweeney todd at tiong bahru plaza. it looks exactly like dylan! except without the white patch near his nose. ;p
i think sweeney todd is a stupid sick gruesome show, but kevin likes it. he wants to get the soundtrack. haha. only the joanna song was nice lor. and so repetitive. and the blood was so fake. and so many people were killed! so stupid. ha. DON'T WATCH PLEASE. wait for shows like cj7 and ps. i love you.

was picked up from tbp, went to great world to have dinner at kenny rogers, then walk around a bit. new year clothes haha. i've been spending too much money.

opi made birds' nest for me again. :D

monday going to killiney for ccf breakfast! :D and then going to nus for lunch. and weds kevin and i are going back to sa! :D better reply mr fong's email before that, if not he'll be scolding me/ complaining when we go back. ;p i wish we were going back to malan road.

shall try to sleep a bit earlier tonight so i won't be zombified tomorrow in church.

thanks kevin for shows etc! :D


in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
it's you, it's you, you make me sing

i am exhausted. heh.

went to hv for lunch with huiru and xieai, nydc. where i realised that my appetite has shrunk to a pea. it started raining like mad so we sat there for some time and talked about things like where we want to go for our honeymoons. island. haha. ;p

huiru and i wanted to walk to dempsey but xieai violently objected. we found our way. :)

and one unfriendly auntie and one helpful angmoh guy later, we found our way to b&j's. in the rain! haha. bad day to visit dempsey.




love the lamp. ballet shoes! :D

this is by far the best place to sit in b&j's. besides the swings outside, of course.

met kevin at wisma. peiyu came shortly after, and we went to fareast, then hilton, then the place opposite hilton. valentino was closed, so he'll have to go back tomorrow to get the red polkapolka blouse for his mum. ;p

went to river valley and had dinner at the five star hainanese chicken rice place with sebas and caleb. everyone agrees that we should eat like that more, "like family like that." ;p

went to starbucks for a while and watched kevin teach sebas how to use leopard. then everyone went home. it took more effort than usual to walk home from behind.

thought about how every time i come back i get a glimpse of each of the new phases of life my friends are in. from j2 and A's to NS and uni. wish i could take people back with me.


asking the same question over and over, it leaves you feeling empty and hollowed-out.


today i erupted;

[edited: please go to lj, tyvm]

i thank God for you.

highlighted my hair, it looks disgusting now. :( like an old woman. eek.

meeting huiru and xieai tomorrow, lunch at hv, then probably dempsey to walk walk. :)

and then kevin in the evening. don't know who else can make it yet. too bad we won't be watching sweeney todd. i realised that i want to watch a lot of movies.

and. since i decided to free my saturday, i'm going to plc with sebas to get stuff for his guinea pig-to-be! ;p maybe i'll get stuff for coffee and kitkat and popcorn too. mainly popcorn cos he doesn't have proper food.. or bedding. and if there's still nothing on for the rest of the day, i can go celebrate my birthday with my family. haha. it's only 4 months late. ;p

alright off to read/talk and then sleep. one week left, now to make the most of it. it's february!