fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

心雨

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

hmmm.


cannulate here.




so we were studying anatomy of the forearm during our 4-hour break today, in hargrave. the forearm has 20 muscles associated with it, we were going crazy trying to remember where they all are, their origins and insertions, and what they do. so wanjie and i started labelling things on ourselves. haha. i'm sure they weren't very accurate. lichun came and saw me writing on my arm and stopped to pore over netter's haha.

ethics tute was very very boring. i was struggling to keep awake. it's become a normal thing for shea (shay?) to point to my coke and laugh at me during tutes. which is bad! at this point i think coke tastes horrible. i need an alternative wake-up thingy.

anat pract was good, sort of. ian (nguyen) was nice enough to spoonfeed us for a day, since everyone was still quite braindead after yesterday and no one had done much reading on the forearm. he passed up his place in the anaesthesia training programme (or whatever it's called) in nsw so he could teach us haha. yeah right. he just wants to go to hobart. either way, he's a good tutor.

it was so nice to be able to come back straight after uni! haha. but i have to start studying again soon before i lose the momentum. then cannot pick up again.

it's always funny, you know, when people get to do things you used to be able to do, but can't do now. for example, cheryl went to have lunch with opi and tata! the things that used to be part and parcel of your daily life. i hope i'm spending christmas in singapore this year, and i hope we have a christmas party.

so lazyyy to cook.



hmmm i don't understand the gold thing, i don't see it in myself.


sleep.

i woke up late today. exam! it was.. alright i should say. don't know if it's because my expectations were lowered. or maybe it's just because some of the quiz questions i attempted yesterday came out today. and it feels very good to be able to fill in that circle on the mcq answer sheet knowing for sure it's correct. :p maybe that sort of offsets the other questions i couldn't answer.. about pain and anatomy. either way, it's over already. *huge sigh of relief* well, kind of. my 15% is in His hands.

visited the sleep lab in caulfield during selective! it was really cool. we hooked up electrodes on a girl's forehead, head, near her eyes, behind her ears, on her jaw muscles. and then we looked at the eeg and eog etc while she tried to fall asleep. she got to stage 2, but kept drifting back to 1.

went to the city after that. flagstaff, my <3. :)

i have a new toothbrush! :D yayy mine's been having arrhythmias for a while now.

i was very very tired after that. until i was like walking at a speed of about 25cm/s. slept in the train. when i got to huntingdale i met perryn eugene zhixuan! they were going back from dinner with the rest at crown, except that the rest took cars back. haha. they told me horror stories of walking back at night, eugene almost got shot (although he didn't know if it was a real gun), and perryn almost got mugged. but i've always had God protecting me every time i walked back at scary hours. and it's been countless times, really. anyway. we took the security bus back. ;D the guy sent me all the way to rusden haha. He knew i was tired and would take about 40mins to walk back.

and i got my australian blood donor card in the mail today. ;p haha. ohh yeahhh. i am going to gain more weight when i go back so i can donate to singaporeans haha. ;p

i think kaiwen is right, i am very slow. i move slowly, think slowly, study slowly. psychomotor retardation ahhh. and not only slow, i think sometimes i don't get things unless they're spelt out explicitly for me. which is bad. people will get tired trying to make me understand. and they think i'm like a normal person and can understand when they explain it like how they would to a normal person. nevermind i'm rambling.

anyway. we got med ball tickets! :D whee so fun. and fan2 haha. but still, fun! ;p i can't wait to go shopping with charmaine on sunday. :D

i got the random leg cramp last night (first time in about a year i think), and i started thinking about neurones firing and depolarisation and hyperpolarisation and APs etc. i wonder why it happens.

i'm amazed whenever i get back (i always use the word home but it always sounds so wrong and i have to change it) and come into my room. the mess just takes me by surprise, it never seems that bad in the morning haha. okay actually it does. i need to pack it up before army and daddy come.. i am going to get a lot of nagging, but nevermind, it's only for two days. plus half of army's luggage is my stuff. ;p haha. textbooks, milo, mooncake, chicken soup herbs.. xD and i get to go look at houses too.

***
i'd rather be like the little stalk of grass coming out of the charred ground than be that cactus (my cactus, probably) sitting in its pot, hardly growing even a single thorn (i am not good with plants; most of mine wilt and die). the question is how much do i want it, and am i willing to take that step, to try. to melt, even if it's just a little little bit. because a thousand-mile journey starts with a footstep, doesn't it?


okay, this is it. slightly less than 8 hours to the exam, and i'm going to sleep. I HAVEN'T FINISHED STUDYING. gahhs.

up where they walk
up where they run
up where they stay all day in the sun
wandering free
wish i could be
part of that world


and we studied.



as promised, we spent almost the whole day in the library again, after the two lectures. went out for lunch and the physical examination tute (shoulder, elbow, wrist, hand), then spent the rest of the time in the library until about 8.45pm.

oh in the physical exam tute i found out that the last two fingers on my left hand can hyperextend. haha. our tutor said the joints are probably weak or something. i never really thought it was abnormal. my acromion sticks out a lot, it's quite difficult to feel the start of my radius, i can't find my coracoid process, and that part of my shoulder is sore because i kept poking it. charmaine says i'd make a terrible cadaver, confuse all the med students with my weird anatomy haha.

when we came out, we saw that the moon was red! so cool right? kind of like in chiangrai, except that this time it was a duller red, and the bottom part was tinged with yellowish white. when we saw the moon from chiangrai it was bright red every night. kaiwen said that normally the moon looks 2D, tonight it looks 3D. ah He makes beautiful things eh. :)

ivy cooked dinner for us again! :D so sweet. and michael gave me timtams! ;p haha they're all so nice.

last minute studying.. i am starting to freak out a bit because there is so much that i haven't covered. and i can't find the immunology cheat sheet on muso! haha yes i need that because i have no time to study all of immunology before tomorrow morning. plus. the rest of pharmaco, anat. i really feel like not doing any more and just sleeping.

and when i study i spend horrific amounts of money trying to fill my grumbling stomach and, of course, stay awake. i have to learn how to bake muffins!

we're going for medball! :D just as long as we can get tickets.. better ask tae tomorrow after exam. then there'll be the whole i-have-nothing-to-wear thing haha. that means shopping! which is a rare occurance when i'm here in melb.

sometimes we don't realise when we do things that we tell others not to do.
i said this two days ago. but it's good sometimes because when we think about it, we realise it. then it becomes difficult to put the blame on the other person because the person could just as easily turn the situation around. sometimes, it might be good to just take a step back from it all.


we fall down, we lay our crowns
at the feet of Jesus
the greatness of mercy and love
at the feet of Jesus
and we cry holy holy holy
we cry holy holy holy
we cry holy holy holy
is the Lamb


dream you.

two lectures in the morning, spent most of the 3 hour break in hargrave, went for anat pract and did this practice exam that was crazy. so difficult lah. i barely passed, but then he said a 60 was good already (i got 50+ i couldn't count properly so i don't know my exact score). i fell asleep in uni a lot of times today.

after anat pract we had dinner in the dining hall, then went back to camp at hargrave. so many people there - charmaine kaiwen iris alex kaihan eugene zepeng. but zepeng left halfway. we continued mugging until about 8.55 when they switched the lights off to scare us. then we quickly packed and evacuated.

went to matheson and spent a while walking up and down trying to find a place that could fit all 7 of us. in the end we got a private study room. ;p so we were there from 9.15 until 11.30pm, then after that we all walked back together. the weather is very nice now! :D

and thinking about it, i'm very blessed to have these people to study with. :) they're super smart (like kaihan and eugene know everything), so even though i have no questions to ask, i can just listen to the questions they ask each other and learn from them. and they keep me awake (along with drinks and chocolate and music ;p). like just studying at the same table as them makes me try to keep awake and keep going even when i feel like giving up (like how i actually wanted to come back at 10.30 or 11 just now). haha. we're going to have another mugging marathon tomorrow.

i have to study pharmacology, anatomy, epidemiology. i'm not touching sem1. except maybe for pharmaco because i didn't study it last sem. ugh.

i cannot wait until wednesday is over. until 5 september.


fifty miles to go, and she was running low
on faith and gasoline

Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
'cause i can't do this on my own
i'm letting go
so give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take the wheel


***
there are eyes everywhere.


heart of gold.

weekends never seem long enough. i kind of miss weekends when we actually had time to go out. sort of like in singapore, when we don't even need to do things like buy groceries. and there is no time to talk to anyone properly.

happiness is acute, joy is chronic. joy is the overwhelming happiness that comes from knowing God, and it is eternal. it is not circumstantial. it is given by God.

out of the nine of them i couldn't pick one, but if i could pick three i'd pick love, joy and peace. i think my happiness is very circumstantial.

sometimes we don't realise when we do things that we tell others not to do.

i need baking ideas. and an oven.

i want to sleep.

this is the third day i haven't studied, and uni starts again tomorrow..


i was very bored and couldn't get my head to absorb anything. so i decided to put up long overdue photos from the mt baw baw ski trip! :)

michael's rental car- it looks like bumblebee!



michael rachel christina steven

dorcas and celine

ian song and joab





the ian song monster

ian yuwan tingting

ivy ong and ian song

celine and brian

ian song

charlie! :D

christina! <3

tingting sam lester lionel ian







snow chains



narnia!



brian and rachel

michael and steven thai

yuwan and steven

michael and rachel







our little ski slope

ian song hahaha

snowman!








a wounded man sounds desperate when he's lost all his belief
can you look into my eyes and say you won't betray me
i'm running out of time, how precious time can be
i'm counting all the moments of the times you could have helped me


i shouldn't be running on empty.


then i'll see beyond my calvary one day
and i will be complete in You

distributed mini brownies in uni today. haha. for all the people who said: "wah brownies ah. eh never jio us eat." haha. only charmaine and tae didn't get to eat, because i didn't give the cg people in uni. not enough brownies! and they didn't go for cg. there were quite few people today so we ended up having bigger pieces than the ones i gave the rest. ;p

everytime i bake brownies i am reminded of campus rumpus with the saints, and our late-night baking at james' house. with his little sister (who does ballet) and his drum set. haha. and of course, the whities, which turned out brown in the end. and our ads and lime green table cloth. ;p ah first three months was fun. ;)

anyway, the new anat lecturer is not bad. i didn't sleep! haha probably because he asked us to do stuff. like find something (i think it's PL, but i don't know what it stands for haha) in our wrist. and wanjie kept insisting that i was one of the 13% who doesn't have them. but zepeng has only one haha he's weirder. but anyway the forearm isn't examinable this time, so it doesn't matter. yet.

yuwan, christina and i went to ivy's house for shepherding before cg. val, dorcas, lionel and rachel were there. then after shepherding, sam, steven, michael, ian, and ida were there also. yuwan and i didn't want to leave. haha i think after the retreat we're having new withdrawal symptoms.

we had a sort of debate thing during cg today, about whether ruth should/ shouldn't have stayed in moab. okay not whether she should or shouldn't have, but more of whether if you were in her position, would you have stayed or left (using material up to ruth 1, meaning we had to leave boaz out of the picture). it was quite interesting but i was a bit lost at some points..

25aug saturday- all praise night
29aug wednesday- midsem exam
2sept sunday- (aust) father's day celebrations
14-16sept friday-sunday- bible conference



how come chocolate sticks to pots. one more reason to bake at home - i don't have to do any of the washing up. although it's a bit difficult to bake at home when you don't actually live at home.

i've come to think that i may never understand. but a realisation is different from an acceptance.


♫♪ astounded-

words fall like drops of rain
my lips are like clouds
i say so many things
trying to figure You out
but as mercy opens my eyes
my words are stolen away
with the breathtaking view of Your grace


came back from uni feeling drained. i could've stayed longer in hargrave but i was quite braindead by 7.20. stressing out studying about stress management haha.

kaihan didn't get the position of president of sam! which is a pity i think. because half the singapore meddies were in anat pract. if they'd been there, he'd have won, cos the other guy won by only 3 votes. and the ex-treasurer attack kaihan until like dunno what lah. so evil. then the year2 meddies all just go and give speeches for fun one. but anyway we got free pizza and coke. haha.

studied in hargrave until 7.30, i felt so guilty to be going back so early because i kept seeing other meddies around. :\ and they were all still going strong.. ah.

anyway. yuwan was so nice! she stayed with me for the whole one hour i was there. i felt so bad depriving her of one hour of sleep. :\ thank you yuwan! :)

it's thursday! and there's so much to do by tomorrow. not to mention wednesday. i shouldn't wake up early tomorrow.

jiayou people! :)


unfailing love
chris tomlin

You have my heart
and i am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

everything You hold in Your hand
still You make time for me
i can't understand

praise You God of earth and sky
how beautiful is Your unfailing love
unfailing love
and You never change, God You remain
the holy One, and my unfailing love
unfailing love

You are my Rock
the One i hold on to
You are my song
and i sing for You

and everything You hold in Your hand
still You make time for me
i can't understand

praise You God of earth and sky
how beautiful is Your unfailing love
unfailing love
and You never change, God You remain
the holy One, and my unfailing love
unfailing love


***
sometimes it's especially difficult to know what's expected of you.
actually i never realised before how difficult it can be simply to be understood.


don't let it throw you off too far
'cause i'll be running right behind you.

this morning's ulnar nerve conduction pract was quite a waste of time because none of us (charmaine tae me) wanted to put more than about 60mV of electricity through our arm. charmaine got the furthest, tae and i only dared to go up to 40mV haha. so we didn't manage to get an AP on the screen. oh well.

spent a lot of time walking around.

took the shuttle to caulfield and parked myself in the library. cut paper etc, then studied a bit. law lect and some other lect. i was a bit late for selective, but oh well. did a few psych tests, then we were asked to come up with questions testing for extroversion and introversion. i'm quite glad that i always find myself with this group of people during selective- nikki, piyumi, eman and for today, taps as well. :)

studied some more. nike was there! :D haha. jap for dinner, then took 900 back and walked.. and walked. went to hargrave to drop baby moore off, then came back here to dump things. then i ran to farrer haha. happy almost birthday wanjie! :D it was quite funny to see them bickering. ;p

we're having all praise night on saturday! :D :D :D

sam elections tomorrow, i'm supposed to go and vote for people. knowing us though, we'll be camping in the lib haha.

ahh. the advantages and disadvantages of saying and not saying stuff. i think the only difference lies in how long it takes for the adverse effects to come into play.


i wish i could draw a picture, to show how i feel right now.


i've got heaven on the inside of me
peace and joy, God has set me free
heaven is a reality
abundant life flows out of me
i've got a smile on my face
a glide in my stride
i'm tasting His grace
and i'm walking by faith
i've got heaven on the inside of me
i've got heaven flowing out of me
i'm bringing heaven into this world

:)

examination of the back and spine lect, the guy who volunteered to be the model got a free autographed clinical med textbook! haha. the second lect was boring and messy though. i really can't remember everything. there wasn't any ethics tute, so we went to hargrave for a while. left our stuff there when we went for lunch, then studied some more until the clinical skills tute, which was interesting. i need a model to try it because charmaine refused to let me haha. i couldn't find her c2! and alex has no dimples. haha.

came back to cook, eat and print stuff, then went back to hargrave to study for another 2 hours with eugene and kaihan. they are very entertaining haha.

they really shouldn't use such bright lights in front of rusden, they block out the stars.

i'm quite reluctant to start the next season of prison break.. so i should wait. i need more things to eat at rusden.

and my brother cut his hair. crew cut! hahaha i wonder how he looks. army said he looks not bad. i just can't really imagine it though.

tomorrow morning i'll try to crash the 8am ulnar nerve pract (my class is at 9) so i have more time in between to study. one week to midsems!

courage is not the absence of fear; rather, it is the judgment that something else is more important than fear.


want to sleep.

they get to touch cadavers in their first week?! ha reading joanna's blog is interesting. my first (and only) insight into nus med. they do pbls from the start.. but i don't really know the difference between pcls and pbls anyway. oh actually it isn't the first time i'm hearing about nus med, because charmaine has stories too. ;p

i called frog! :D spent $14 for 31mins, which isn't too bad. i was afraid my credit would run out and the line would get cut off and i'd have to recharge so soon. haha. he complained about how everyone is caught up with uni and not going out anymore.. haha okay maybe not everyone. sometimes i wish i could shop as often here. i don't shop for months! rawr.

i can't wait for my textbooks etc to arrive. when i use hargrave's books i have to resist urges to scribble stuff in. i think it's quite funny to see us studying anat, one row of people all with netter's atlas open in front of us, plus some other book. haha. we probably use up all the atlases every time.

i fell asleep at 10pm! :\ i should try to camp at the library until later.

do we mean "i don't want to care" when we say "i don't care"?


the daisy patch

whee. :) i'm happy.

didn't sleep in lect this morning! :D yay. pcl was not nice. last sem's pcls were more fun, although more stressful i guess. eye exam was er a bit weird. they gave us this fake cardboard cuboidal eye to practise using the opthalmoscope on because it's uncomfortable to do it on each other. we couldn't find our blind spots and didn't have red reflexes! i am not going to become an ophthalmologist.

went to the library with charmaine kaiwen zepeng during the break, skipped the indigenous health briefing. but that was okay cos i found out from perryn later that there wasn't a briefing in the end. anat pract was a bit freaky because today we had gerry ahern. and it's good because he's the one writing exam questions, and he gives away free textbooks, but it's scary cos he picks people to answer questions. heh presented surface anatomy with ying and anneke.

i think it's really cool to be able to see stars when you're walking home from uni at like 6+pm. so early! and today while i was walking to return netter's and moore, i was suddenly shocked to realise that i am a uni student. like seriously, stunned. so weird.

anyway.
this is what charmaine drew for me during eye exam pract! ;p (the cows i mean)


prison break! :D (this is my break)


light surrounding you
evermore

i see you by the water
your toes dipped in the sand
i thought that it was over
i thought you'd understand
but the feeling is returning
though time has made us change
and i understand if you don't
wanna talk to me about it tonight
tonight

'cause i see the light surrounding you
so don't be afraid of something new

time was overtaking me
and i guess i was confused
they were all inviting me
but i wish i had refused
'cause i've been there before
and i've seen it all
and i believe
in you

and if you never had my heart
i would've never called you back
at the start that night
so i want you to know

that i see the light surrounding you
so don't be afraid of something new
'cause i see the light surrounding you
so don't be afraid of what you're turning into

blue-eyed sun shines on me
in the morning
can't help but feel a little cold
thinking of you

'cause i see the light surrounding you
so don't be afraid of something new
'cause i see the light surrounding you
so don't be afraid of what you're turning into
no don't be afraid
don't be afraid
'cause i see the light
'cause i see the light
'cause i see the light surrounding you


this is what the centre of the whirlpool galaxy looks like:



You're a Father to the fatherless
the answer to my dreams
i see You crowned in righteousness
we cry glory to the King
Comforter to the lonely
the lifter of my head
i see You veiled in majesty
we cry glory, glory
we cry glory to the King


***
i think:
it's impossible to know everything about a person.
being denied privileges is fine/ bearable, but being denied non-privileges is painful.
i don't try hard enough in a lot of things.
i am easily disappointed.
it's very difficult to talk to people under certain circumstances.
it would be really nice if i could take afternoon naps.
i should try to not rely on coke so much this coming week.
my brain doesn't work logically.
i am suffering from vital exhaustion.


i'm happy sitting at the side watching while people play games, much happier than if i were actually playing them.

how come people are arguing in the chatterbox about sleeping in lectures..

i really don't like uni. i have to be reminded time and time again what i'm doing here.


combined cg retreat at rye
(sorry i still don't know how to rotate photos)

















indescribable
uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name
You are amazing God