fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

time to say my LAST GOODBYES.

whee. today was interesting. last time seeing those places from mrt windows. last time taking 184 home. last time using my house key. i've already changed the stuff in my wallet to aussie stuff- money and cards etc. not that i can't wait to disappear, it's just that it's a whole lot more convenient.

my luggage is overweight! gahhs.

you pick on me at the wrong times. DO YOU KNOW HOW I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW. come on lah, you don't have a clue.

somebody who understands! it's difficult to find someone like that. i thank God for you.

(btw, frog hasn't called. haha. surprise surprise)

if anyone gives me anything later (except for kevin, of course), i promise i will just scream. not that i don't want it, it's just that i have no more space, and no more weight, and it's just extremely stressful. stupid airport scenes.

okay, pack my mac before someone complains.


where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and i would have stayed up with you all night
had i known how to save a life

helped army make pineapple tarts this morning. could hardly believe i was up at like 8+? haha.

opi gave me angbaos from herself, tata, and ahtai in advance.

and ian's mum delivered books to my mailbox. follow your heart and fit for life. will i even read the latter? haha.

there are so many times we should say something, show care, but we don't.

thanks everyone for making my summer a happy one. :)


mercy came running
phillips, craig and dean

once there was a holy place
evidence of God's embrace
and i can almost see mercy's face
pressed against the veil

looking down with longing eyes
mercy must have realized
that once His blood was sacrificed
freedom would prevail

and as the sky grew dark
and the earth began to shake
with justice no longer in the way

mercy came running
like a prisoner set free
past all my failures to the point of my need
when the sin that i carried
was all i could see
and when i could not reach mercy
mercy came running to me

once there was a broken heart
way too human from the start
and all the years left it torn apart
hopeless and afraid

walls i never meant to build
left this prisoner unfulfilled
freedom called but even still
it seemed so far away

i was bound by the chains
from the wages of my sin
just when i felt like giving in

mercy came running
like a prisoner set free
past all my failures to the point of my need
when the sin that i carried
was all i could see
and when i could not reach mercy
mercy came running to me

sometimes i still feel so far
so far from where i really should be
He gently calls to my heart
just to remind me

mercy came running
like a prisoner set free
past all my failures to the point of my need
when the sin that i carried
was all i could see
and when i could not reach mercy
mercy came running to me


tomorrow comes to take me away
i wish that i, that i could stay

take a break from packing to blog. it's driving me nuts.

dinner with lois was good! :D went to glutton's bay at esplanade, then sat by the water to talk a bit. until irritating people started smoking in our faces. haha she reminded me of the time we were at my house, and we stupidly put the strawberries and sugar on top of the ladder. we were on top of the double decker bed, and someone accidentally kicked the ladder. haha there was sugar everywhere. and then there was that mental sums incident. haha gosh that was all so long ago.

peiyu dropped by to say hi. :D she was at bukit regency, some farewell thing.

then i called ian back for a while. cleaned the gerbils' cage, then came up and stoned and complained about how much i hate packing. haha apparently i sounded calm for someone who's flying off tomorrow. i guess it just hadn't set in yet. now i'm just super UGH because there are too many things. grrs.

don't know if breakfast is on tomorrow. please don't be. it takes me an hour to get to city hall. why have i been spending so much time there recently. heh. now i know where to take 75 home from pwc! haha. okay it's not as if i'm going to have to, anytime soon. rahh.

thanks flabby for calling! :D frog didn't haha. oh well.

i wonder if tomorrow's airport scene will be like the others. everyone there, and i don't know who to talk to, and i don't eat, and i rush and rush and there are so many things to do and there's no space in my bags and i have to run in through immigration and i talk on the phone until the plane starts taxi-ing.

oh gosh i hate this. i am currently dying.

ps. remind me to put the lyrics of mercy came running soon.


and the media couldn't buy your soul

today started off quite boring. woke up to a call, the only reason why i even picked it up was because i saw a +61 in front. an aussie number, could be something important. it was the guy confirming my pickup on saturday.

i haven't made any progress packing from last night. yay me.

did random things like feeding coffee and kitkat, and taking photos and videos of them. :D haha. and watched stupid things on mtv.

then ian asked me if i wanted to have lunch, and save both of us. so i went. haha his was a two-hour lunch this time lah, crazy. went to eat along the singapore river, and then had flourless (CALEB!! haha) chocolate cake at acts. :) i love acts.

after that i came home. slept the short 184 ride. so tired. bleah. watched tv a bit. need to pack now i guess. have slightly less than an hour before i have to leave to meet lois. it's quite stupid because i was at raffles place just now, and later i have to go to city hall. one stop away! and all that travelling. gahhs.

have to PACK lah how irritating is that. someone tell me what to bring. i'm just scared i forget to bring stuff! :\ haha oh well. miscellaneous stuff now.

and my msn is dead, once again.


there's not a word that i comprehend
except when you signed it
i will love you always and forever

thank you. always. :)

i have two days left.. gahhs. i'm not done packing, and the problem is that i don't know what to pack. i don't know what i'm missing. this is so weird.

RAWR.

i'm seriously vitamin deficient. bleah.

was talking to dilys, seems like we have to apply for quite a few things.. police checks and WWC (no idea what that is, working with children?). read about it somewhere, probably in the email monash sent me, but i didn't do anything about it. ahh! hopefully we can sort it out when we register. or after, or whatever. why is syahir mia?

anyway, i'll continue packing tomorrow. :) and dinner with lois! :)

i hope you're as happy as you're pretending


you stare politely right on through

today has been major slacking. and thinking. and talking. haha. need to pray.

walked out to get lunch, finished the cross stitch, went to collect my jeans and pick isaac up, showered. watched a lot of nonsense tv. okay i watched the innocent, which wasn't nonsense.

talked to wanjie a bit. it must be freaky to only get everything so late. offer, visa, medical, air ticket, accomodation.. i want to meet kaiwen too. haha. and of course, dilys and syahir! :D see you on valentine's! :D

oh btw kevin, wanjie was from nanyang first 3 months! haha.

going out for family reunion dinner tonight. an early one, since i won't be here on cny. or cny eve, or whenever it is people have reunion dinners. another day goes by without me packing. haha. yeah i'm starting to worry.

took the gerbils out for a while. for the first time coffee came out first, cos he was the first to hop onto my hand. :p haha.

army made pineapple tarts! :D mmm. she's rushing cos she has to make for uncle alan and uncle ho, and sam and his mum too i think. and me, of course. :p and opi made bird's nest for me last night! haha i'm feeling loved. xD

in some ways i can't wait. in some ways i'm worried and i don't want to let go, again. i don't know what i feel!

(kanesh's cousin said i blog like there's no tomorrow. HURR)

with(/out) the commitment, what are we?




how to save a life
the fray

step one you say we need to talk
he walks you say sit down it's just a talk
he smiles politely back at you
you stare politely right on through
some sort of window to your right
as he goes left and you stay right
between the lines of fear and blame
and you begin to wonder why you came

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and i would have stayed up with you all night
had i known how to save a life

let him know that you know best
'cause after all you do know best
try to slip past his defense
without granting innocence
lay down a list of what is wrong
the things you've told him all along
and pray to God he hears you
and pray to God he hears you

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and i would have stayed up with you all night
had i known how to save a life

as he begins to raise his voice
you lower yours and grant him one last choice
drive until you lose the road
or break with the ones you've followed
he will do one of two things
he will admit to everything
or he'll say he's just not the same
and you'll begin to wonder why you came

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and i would have stayed up with you all night
had i known how to save a life


and i wouldn't tell anyone, no, not even you.


if you're gone
matchbox 20

i think i've already lost you
i think you're already gone
i think i'm finally scared now
you think i'm weak - i think you're wrong
i think you're already leaving
feels like your hand is on the door
i thought this place was an empire
now i'm relaxed - i can't be sure

i think you're so mean - i think we should try
i think i could need - this in my life
i think i'm just scared - i think too much
i know it's wrong it's a problem i'm dealing

if you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone - baby you need to come home
'cause there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

i bet you're hard to get over
i bet the room just won't shine
i bet my hands i can stay here
i bet you need - more than you mind

i think you're so mean - i think we should try
i think i could need - this in my life
i think i'm just scared - that i know too much
i can't relate and that's a problem i'm feeling

if you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone - baby you need to come home
'cause there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

i think you're so mean - i think we should try
i think i could need - this in my life
i think i'm just scared - do i talk too much
i know this is wrong it's a problem i'm dealing

if you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone - baby you need to come home
'cause there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you


4th last day
3rd last night

today was not bad, except for the cramps (which almost killed me).

i don't want to say much. but did you look at the sky tonight? cloudless, and full of stars. :) God is good.

feeling quite confused and lost now. will you tell me to my face. it's sad how things sour.

guess nothing's happening tomorrow, which is good. time to rest, spend time at home, pack. really good because i've been feeling drained. (how am i ever going to survive uni?)

when you think of things that will never happen again in a really really long time, it only makes you more sad. but there is a point in taking photos, especially if they're rare.

i have three more days in singapore. i wonder about the july trip. maybe i will. :) and tuesday and friday, of course.


all before i go

:) you know, it's so nice sharing your joy. i just hope it doesn't die, and mine too. because i really want to be in it for the long run.

hehe my sd card's fixed! :D SO HAPPY. to see 315 instead of only 40. thank God for the full capacity back, though i don't really know what happened in the first place.

barbara's flying off at 10am friday. and grace is also staying at rusden! haha. what a small world.

tomorrow 11am at cityhall! RONG PLEASE DON'T BE AN OWL. :
i tend to hit backspace immediately whenever someone else starts typing something.

please let it rain tomorrow, so the sky will be clear. i'm sorry, but it's really going to be my last. you'd feel the same way if it was you. but of course you wouldn't know, not really. just like how i can't feel it, the A level results thing.

it's hard to be around you, sometimes


<3



went out with huiru and xiex! :D ate at yoshi, then took photos and developed one, then sat at macs and talked until franco came. hahaha so weird.

i'll miss them!

and i started packing this morning! haha. woke up and felt like packing. but then i had to do stuff like arrange transport, then i lost the drive to pack. :\ so i just did most of the clothes. most. i think.

i'll try to pack more tonight, hopefully.


He will carry me
mark schultz

i call, You hear me
i've lost it all
and it's more than i can bear
i feel so empty

You're strong, i'm weary
i'm holding on
but i feel like giving in
but still You're with me

and even though i'm walking through
the valley of the shadow
i will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
and when all hope is gone
and i've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that i will ever need
He will carry me

i know i'm broken
but You alone
can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

and even though i'm walking through
the valley of the shadow
i will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
and when all hope is gone
and i've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that i will ever need
He will carry me

and even though i feel so lonely
like i have never been before
You never said it would be easy
but You said You'd see me through the storm

:]


should blog after reading other people's blogs instead.

sometimes i really wonder. if it feels that way for someone, does it necessarily feel the same way for others? or is it more like a mindset, when you focus on that so much so that it's impossible for you. or maybe a little is enough for someone who's been too far for too long.

because that was the closest i've felt, in a long long while. yet to others it seems that it was nothing.

too bad paper journals never worked for me.

using frog's ipod today, i realised that i'd forgotten how pretty it looks when you can see everything on the screen.












:(



meeting huiru and xiex tomorrow, something to look forward to! but i'm still incredibly :(


rain down on me
rain down on me
here in Your presence i am free
won't You pour down like rain
come and touch me again
Lord let Your Spirit fall on me




today was my last time seeing sebas and caleb. !!! :( oh well. at least we met for breakfast, and they visited my church haha. sebas kept hobbling everywhere, so disabled lah. caleb wobbled. ;p everything we talked about revolved around getting fat, caleb somehow managed to link everything back to that. :p and we had fast food twice.

the CRS appreciation wasn't too bad. talked to mona and susana and johnston. :) they have a rabbit, a squirrel, a humongous lizard, two gerbils, two hamsters, and fish at highpoint. !!! hahaha. played with the rabbit before dinner. talked to gideon too, dino's brother. saw alan also. loveJAVA team 3! :D hahaha.

the day didn't end out the way i wanted it to, but oh well. it was an accident, i just hope. hurr it probably makes me look like i'm despo or something gahhs. but it was an accident. bleah.

i have FIVE days left.

five days left with people i love.
five days left with coffee and kitkat.
five days left in the comforts of home.
five days left to dream about what's to come, but not have to worry about actually having to do it.

five days left to pack.

let me pysche myself.

and i doubt there'll be anymore cs nights before i leave, it's quite sad. i've started looking for the moon instead.


ku mau cinta yesus selamanya
ku mau cinta yesus selamanya
meskipun badai silih berganti dalam hidupku
ku tetap cinta yesus selamanya

ya abba bapa, ini aku anakmu
layakkanlah seluruh hidupku
ya abba bapa, ini aku anakmu
pakailah sesuai dengan rencanamu

:)

i want to love Jesus forevermore
i want to love Jesus forevermore
even though i go through endless storms in my life
i still love Jesus forevermore

yes Abba Father, i am Your child
make every part of my life acceptable
yes Abba Father, i am Your child
use me so that i may fit in Your plan

i knew this song even though i didn't go for the mission trip. i think we sang it in sfc, the first day i was there. :)

i think munchkin fu is quite a funny game haha. daniel was trying to teach me, but i still don't quite get it.

breakfast tomorrow is supposedly on. HURR. i wonder if sebas' ankle will make it. i hate organising things.

need to measure/cut the ribbon tomorrow after church, why do i leave everything to the last minute.


always there, just never spoken

no supper or movie tonight anymore. :( get better soon! both of you.
i think i have a stupid fungus growing on my arm.
and i am totally dreading it. howww. :(
by the way, i haven't so much as lifted a finger to start packing.
meeting lois for dinner on thurs, oh my. haven't seen her in an age.
soon i'll be trading the blue lizard and MARINES for the pink F.
what's with the nuah feeling, ugh.

why not?

sat- church
sun- breakfast(?), church, CRS appreciation
mon- lunch with huiru+xiex
tues- dinner with ian
wed- family reunion dinner
thurs- dinner with lois
fri- lunch with liwei

yup, me and my lasts.


someone else's summer
diminished

i went to haagen dazs. again. omg. hahaha. and. banana split. again. haha. :D almost got a 25% discount lah. ;p rong so lousy haha.

while sitting at the amphitheatre place i had no idea why i was there. i was uncomfortable, and yes, slightly angered at what some of them said. but i guess it's just a different perspective, coming from people who are so different from those i usually mix with. i could never fit in with these people, and i guess that's something to consider.

i tried though. two panic attacks in one day, and i still went. yeah, i tried.

two different worlds..

will we always end off that way?

doctor, doctor will you please prescribe me something
a day in the life of someone else
i'm a hazard to myself


absolfantabulous
(koped from biwen)



we met sarah and aini at ps gelare. :) talked for a while. they think coffee and kitkat are cute. :p

i love acts bookstore! haha do they have another one somewhere else. the CBD is such an intimidating place. but i managed to find my way around without the map haha. better than rong okay. :p

i forced her to wear her heels today. for the FIRST TIME. hahaha. she looked like a giraffe. wearing yellow some more. :D

diana passed! :D yayy! ahaha.

for the first time in a long while, i slept in the bus on the way home. haha the effect of waking up at 7+ this morning. at 10 i switched on the tv and wondered why on earth i was awake. and not just awake- i'd showered and gone out and come back.

got 3 emails from monash. well i guess it's not so bad to have registration on 14feb, at least i'll be spending it with people. i think there are a lot of activities planned. i want to visit phillip island! :D and see the little penguins haha. anyway, more forms to fill up and submit.

i don't know if the ribbon i got is too thick, but they didn't have the thinner one. :
being asked to go visit rong at work again haha. if only i was rich enough to eat it everyday riiiight. but i don't think it's that nice also. :p don't even have banana lah. but havana sunset is nice. :D haha.

rong please organise tuesday! yay thank you. ;D


i was meant to tread the water
but now i've gotten in too deep

went to the market with army this morning. i can safely say i'd much prefer vic mart. how do i stand the smell of a dead body when i can't stand the smell of raw meat.

have to leave soon, i'm feeling kind of.. like not going. a grey mood, just like the colour of the sky today.

i have one week left. slightly less than that.

army said this morning that when i find out my exam schedule (around three quarters through semester, if i have at least three weeks of holiday, i can come back. but the choice is still mine. i think even if i do have a three week break, i won't come back. it costs like a thousand bucks to make the trip. i should like work and earn some money instead of spending even more right, considering how much the course costs. apparently vce (local) students only pay A$8000 a year. wt_.

anyway. there isn't much point.


haagen dazs
:)



haha i was bloggin halfway and accidentally closed the tab. oh well. lazy to upload the other photos. :p next time lah.

thanks dianana for the drink! :D haha.

scary movie 4 is just really stupid and random.

spent forever trying to figure out how to get to pwc building, even after instructions were given. oh well i hope i don't get lost.

need to sleep now because i need to get up at 7+ tomorrow to go alter my jeans (ugh).

oh sebas called me just now at highpoint. :D while shitting hahahahha.

okay goodnight :D


:)

had lunch at bukit timah plaza instead, then went to popular to get paper for the CRS certs, and stuff to bring to melbourne.

I WANT JODI PICOULT BOOKS AHHHH. okay i don't need to have them, i just really want to read them.

anyway. dropped daddy off at home, then dropped by fairfield for a while. then off to the CRS office at highpoint headquarters, in geylang. edited and printed all the certs. haha i'm quite looking forward to seeing dino on sunday. too bad dr victor isn't going to be there.

went to bugis to get a bionicle for isaac. then fetched celeste and allison from school. and then dinner at home.

sunday breakfast at serene macs! haha. 8.30am. my last. :p well it's true.

looks like i'll be breaking my curfew one more time. BANYAN TREE PLEASE. haha i hope it will be a cs night. :p

off to holland v in less than 2 hours. :D gonna make kevin want a mac even more hahaha.


and the lie is always cheaper than the truth
but the lie is all i've ever known of you
maybe none of this is true

thank God i have something to do today. going out for lunch (green market :\), alter jeans and print CRS certs for this sunday's appreciation.

and then i get to visit rong with kevin, from don't know what time until 1am! haha didn't expect my curfew to be lifted this time, without *ahem*, but. :) rong better give us a huge discount OR ELSE. haha. wanted to go stay at her house initially, but her sis is going home to sleep haha. oh well.

i don't really want this to happen. there are only a handful of people worth it.

reversed roles. when i was there i wondered how i'd make it through this, and now that i'm here, i wonder how i'll make it through that. eat less and travel to the city, when i have time. i really hope i have a free day. please coincide.

one of these nights i have to climb to the top of the banyan tree.

8.5 days and counting.


show me a smile then, and don't be unhappy
i can't remember when i last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up, because you know i'll be there