fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

bad day

daniel powter

where is the moment we needed the most
you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
you tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
you tell me your passion's gone away
and i don't need no carryin' on

you stand in the line just to hit a new low
you're fakin' a smile with the coffee to go
you tell me your life's been way off line
you're falling to pieces everytime
and i don't need no carryin' on

cos you had a bad day
you're taking one down
you sing a sad song just to turn it around
you say you don't know
you tell me don't lie
you work on a smile
and you go for a ride
you had a bad day
the camera don't lie
you're coming back down
and you really don't mind
you had a bad day
you had a bad day

you need a blue sky holiday
the point is they laugh at what you say
and i don't need no carryin' on



it's nice to be able to fall in love with old songs.


don't want to be the one who turns the whole thing over


sometimes people's words just catch you off guard; you don't know what to think, say, or do.

i wonder if it's better to make someone's day, or have someone else make your day. which is happier?

it's so much easier to not know if you can't physically see it.

you can't send a smell on its own.

cooked chicken rice today.

it's easy to believe something's impossible just because you haven't seen it with your own eyes. why do people rely so much on logic or feelings at the wrong times?

it's right there in front of you, all you have to do is believe.

it's not impossible to feel peace in the middle of trials.


okay today i just died over and over.


1. tomorrow's physics test is COUNTED.

2. it RAINED.

3. bio research project.

4. no clue what's happening in chem pract.

5. mock INTERVIEW.

mrs dawson is actually nice. or maybe it's just because other than the interview, i have a chance. the interview, however, might just kill me.


barb's nephew: "are you the teacher of them?"
mathew: "are you the superman [batman?] of them?"


deeper

delirious?

i wanna go deeper
but i don't know how to swim
i wanna be meeker
but have you seen this old earth?
i wanna fly higher
but these arms won't take me there
i wanna be
i wanna be

maybe i could run
maybe i could fly
to you
do you feel the same?
when all you see is blame in me

and the wonder of it all
is that i'm living just to fall
more in love with you
and the wonder of it all
is that i'm living just to fall
more in love with you

i wanna go deeper
but is it just a stupid whim
i wanna be weaker
be a help to the strong
i wanna run faster
but this old leg won't carry me
i wanna be
i wanna be

maybe i could run
maybe i could fly
to you
do you feel the same?
when all you see is blame in me

and the wonder of it all
is that i'm living just to fall
more in love with you
and the wonder of it all
is that i'm living just to fall
more in love with you

maybe i could run
maybe i could follow

it's time to walk the path
where many seem to fall
hold me in your arms
just like any father would
how long do we have to wait?
how long?
we're going all the way


oh your wounds are full of salt.

mock interview tomorrow, i am terrified. i won't be able to concentrate during chem.. which is bad, since i have no clue how to do the stupid thing. AHHHH.

conpiled a portfolio (or something like that) for interview today. but i'll only get a few photos tomorrow. i'm scared.

and some people's msn pm's are scary too. :\ let's just hope you're not talking about me.

helped sus with chem. :) but i think i cannot do sec3 chem anymore.

was rather surprised to see my name on caleb (lim)'s blog. i think it was.. hmm not uncalled for. probably undeserved.

using so many photo stickers today reminded me of doing frames. eating haribo reminds me of a lot of stuff.

today is (hk) ivan's birthday. :) his gf came all the way from- i forgot where (sydney? perth?), just to spend his birthday (and formal) with him. so sweet. xD

and aiven is trying to get me to go clubbing. -.-


did some personality test from jeanette's blog and saw the MAGIC WORDS!! :)) hahahaha *happy :))


unwritten

natasha bedingfield


i am unwritten
can't read my mind
i'm undefined
i'm just beginning
the pen's in my hand
ending unplanned

staring at the blank page before you
open up the dirty window
let the sun illuminate
the words that you could not find

reaching for something in the distance
so close you can almost taste it
release your inhibitions
feel the rain on your skin
no one can feel it for you
only you can let it in
no one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten

i break tradition
sometimes my tries
are outside the lines
we've been conditioned not to make mistakes
but i can't live that way

staring at the blank page before you
open up the dirty window
let the sun illuminate
the words that you could not find

reaching for something in the distance
so close you can almost taste it
release your inhibitions
feel the rain on your skin
no one can feel it for you
only you can let it in
no one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten


it's sad when you used to be able to tell someone stuff, but now you find that you can't tell her anything anymore. well. we've drifted.


talking to yurong was funny. :D haha the issue of 23NOV surfaced again. hahaha.

let it just evaporate into nothingness.

i wouldn't be so stressed if a certain someone would just quit stressing me.

"don't you understand i can't do that?"
"you just did."


ten hours of uninterupted sleep + 2 extra hours of sleep after that is good. but i'm still tired.

so, should we try harder or not try too hard? it doesn't really make any sense, it's difficult when it's only on one pair of shoulders and you have to change the way you think when someone else just continues the normal way.

it's not possible to be silly all the time.

i need someone over 18 to sign my consent form.

and interview is coming. i have to formulate something for the "tell me about yourself" question.

who picks you up when you fall down?


taylors college mufy/year12 formal 2006

phoebe

my secret admirer! ahaha. loyi's fan. :D okay he's henry.

my bio teacher, mrs richards. :) and some extra guy at the back.

alva! my physics tutee. :D yeah right.

yimun :)

guess who.
his tie was tied by ME! haha so lousy don't know how to tie.

jocelyn. :)

dilys! :)

and this is syahir. :D the SMARTYPANTS.

formal is over. :) it was not bad, haha.

i need to thank a lot of people. but first..

we were all freezing outside waiting for selena and jasmine. were supposed to leave hostel at 6.30, but we left at 7.15. in the end, we decided to wait in the limo first. haha other than the tv and music, it wasn't much lah. quite crammed cos eleven of use were squashed in there. and climbing in and out were the most unglam things lah.

everybody couldn't recognise me. so scary. :\ i know i am WHITE lah okay. hmph. it's the FLASH. no, it's the make-up.

took photos.. but most of them are in other people's cameras cos i was too lazy to take mine out. haha. i might put them up if i feel like. ha.

the first item was some solo singer. the song was nice, but her voice wasn't.

then after that was the DANCE! ohmygosh. syahir so WAHH. :D hahaha. and mel!! mel is super pro lah. my gosh she dance so so so nice! and it looks even better cos you can see that she really loves what she's doing.

dinner was either chicken or salmon. chicken was really like hostel food. nothing special. and most of us hardly ate half anyway.

and THEN aiksern just had to choose me for the weird game thing. like 8 'couples' right, then we're supposed to 'dance', and when the music stops, each 'couple' must stand within the newspaper. and of course they keep folding it smaller and smaller.. hurr. he isn't all that strong. haha. carry until like going to DROP. but we won that anyway, can you believe it. so embarrassing argh! the prize was some cd by some singer no one has ever heard of. with the price tag on. brilliant. oh and before that he gave me a ROSE. hmmm.

i cannot dance.

dessert was completely wasted on us. everyone was too busy on the dance floor. the funniest thing was seeing the teachers dance. ahaha. :D

left earlier, cabbed back to hostel and had to get the supervisor to open the door for us. finally managed to get the contacts out of my eyes after poking it for an eternity, felt so much better after that. thank God for specs. :)

the saddest thing that happened today was that i left my camera case somewhere in the san remo ballroom. :( it's gone, sigh. the screen protector will have to suffice for now.

okay CREDITS.
thank you

angela- for spraying my hair, giving me contacts, lending me your necklace (even though i didn't use it), nail polish. :)

nike- for make-up and shawl, painting my nails in line3, earrings. :)

syahir- for his hair curler :D and for dancing with me even though i cannot make it. awww so sweet! :D [he has my comb and iron]

carol- my hair stylist! haha she is super pro okay. and she helped me even though i didn't know her until this afternoon. :)) and she lent me hairpins etc..

yimun- for accompanying me on the dance floor. :)

phoebe- for accompanying me to buy accessories.

cheryl- for running up to get rubberbands for me when mine snapped.

lleufer- for opening the door for me so i could go inside and not freeze to death while trying to hold my hair without a rubberband.

dilys- for making my night by just being there. :)

edward- for giving us the cab.

heather mel wanz sharon alva selena- for being there.

in some ways, it was something like orientation finale. but in other ways, completely unlike it. prom queen was jasmine. i think someone else could've gotten it. prom king was some year12 guy who definitely doesn't deserve to get it. best dance couple was lleufer and that girl, they do deserve it though. :) but mel is good too.

can't wait for the end of the year, huh. the people make all the difference.

oh yeah, new vocab: i'm hungry. it's rather out of point though, but well. i am hungry.

happy birthday(:

channel 8!! i miss the shows.

hmm. started stats in math, quite boring cos we didn't really do anything.

got back physics test. ugh, my worst ever. :(( i mean, considering that it's electricity. cannot compare with gravitation lah. that one is a goner. anyway. lots of careless mistakes! and stupid mistakes like wrong SIG FIGS. ughh. wrong sig figs minus one mark for the whole paper. but i think she's blind, she made so many mistakes marking my paper.

line3 was spent sitting in front of my locker copying english notes while loyi copied my physics and complained about AC Vrms and 3-phase and blah blah. all because he didn't listen in class.

bio was boring, as usual. did chromosome mutations again.

chem- started on redox, the electrolysis nonsense.

watched gattaca in english lesson. mrs B was quite funny, haha. she fastforwarded the kissing scene, saying "kissy kissy", and the bed scene and a few others. haha. there isn't english tomorrow, thank God. lessons end at line7, meaning mine end at line5. :))

after school i washed the dishes, then went to walk around in search of something for my hair for tomorrow. in vain. sigh. then met loyi and went to collect his pants and look at the weird tie he wants to buy. it's really.. weird. like instead of a pointed base, it has a flat one. and it's not very nice, but he likes it, so well. but his shirt is quite nice lah haha.

annie cooked dinner for me, so i went back to unilodge on swanston to get my food. :)) loyi wanted me to help him buy the tie from roger davids, but it was already closed. awww. haha. and that was like around 5.50pm. shops close so early here, it's irritating sometimes.

went up to return his key, and ended up watching some chinese show about three guy hairstylists and a girl. haha it's very nice. :D watched one and a half episodes, then had dinner (ivan cooked, and i had annie's food), wiped the dishes dry, then finished that episode and watched another one. :D very very nice! i like richie, don't like yasi, but actually yasi is really nice and they'd make a good couple. :D reminds me of channel8 dramas. :D hahaha.

and so by the time i came down, it was like 10+. don't think it's good to try putting a contact lens in a tired eye, so i'll wait until tomorrow to try again. if cannot then at most wear specs lor. :p

don't think i'm going to the after party, which is actually a huge relief. i'm sure if i go i'll just hate it more. so.. might as well save the money and sleep.

heard some stuff from the people who had their mock interview today, it sounds terrible. mrs dawson gave comments like "do you think your answer is good?" (in a very sarcastic way), "that was the most horrible answer i ever heard", "you can't be a good doctor. no, you can't even be a doctor", and "your answer is too short". :\ FREAKY OKAY. i am totally freaked out. i think (okay i'm sure) i'm going to walk out of there crying. HOW HOW HOW. arghhhhhhh!!!

i am super worried. three thousand times more worried about interview than about stupid make up for tomorrow. and hair and everything and UGH.

i am WORRIED.

okay that's enough now.





beef eggs fork orange glass..?

aligned. :) i just don't know what that weird image box is. :\ oh well, just ignore it for now.

i got my khaodee photos and study skills sketchbook. :) the sad thing is that i lost the negatives for my photos with fan, and the one of fan and may, so.. yeah. :(

study skills refresher :D

mindmapping:
P ictures
A ssociation
C olour
O utstanding
O verview
K eywords

choices have consequences.

problems = challenges

peripheral vision. :D

positive language.

learn. unlearn. relearn.

8 principles of memory:
1. visualisation
2. association
3. outstanding
4. rhythm
5. colour
6. humour
7. overview
8. 5 senses

learn through:
V isual
A uditory
K inesthetic
methods

the mind cannot differentiate between what is real and what is vividly imagined.

discipline: doing something you don't like, but will benefit you.

PASSION

utilise anxiety. turn them into strengths!

drink water, eat protein.

never study on a full stomach.

the greatest failure in life is the failure to participate 100%.

thoughts travel.

know who you are.

we all have the same neurology; if it's possible for others, it's possible for me. it's just a question of beliefs and strategy.

there is no failure, only learning experiences.

do it now. do it right. do it fast.

shoot for the moon.. even if you miss it, you will land among the stars -lesbrown.

put yourself on the line, then you can't back out.

delusion vs. belief

do what you were born to do.

practice makes perfect.

baroque music

5-day buffer before exams.

anchoring:
R ecall experience
A pply anchor
C hange state
E voke anchor

I ntensity
T iming
U niqueness
R eplication
N umber of times


anchoring was something i could never do. haha. *puts index finger on knuckle. :D

and all this was followed by mindmaps on weird things like "the rise of venice", "swiss harmony and unity", "switzerland- benefits of peace", "preparing for an ageing population".. haha. so SS.

i realised that i'm actually following my life plan, or something like it. except that i'm one year late, of course. and i am changing it too, after uni.


haha anyway it's basically just self-pschoing methods. i'd like to go through it again though. :D

might put up the 'ultimate success formula' later or something haha.


and one last thing:
from cherie's day1 mindmap.
[no other way i could have remembered it, since my study skills book is still somewhere in singapore]

statue
encyclopedia
crown
hyperbola
janitor
umbrella
fluorine
oak tree
photosynthesis
banana
fan
hair
glucose
policeman
zoo
japan
management
lungs
parameswara

:D


oh well, who asked me to go and be so stupid in the first place.

*please don't go too far, just because you can't see how i feel doesn't mean i don't feel.

sleeping is good though. "don't let the sun go down on your anger [?]", what does that mean? because i go to sleep seething but when i wake up it's all better. until the next time.

everything's so undefined
standing on the edge of my fear
and i see it clear
here's my resolution,
i'm letting go.


see what the time's done

argh. tried to change skin but somehow i can't get it to work properly, ugh. and right now i'm too tired to bother, i'll try to fix it tomorrow or whenever. but actually, i don't know how, so i need help. :(((

yeah, all the if-only's.

guess what, when spring comes, the time difference will go back to 3 hours, isn't that just the greatest thing ever. i don't want spring to come anymore. 2 hours is bad enough, considering the fact that i need to sleep at like 12+ everyday. that will be like 9+ in singapore.

isn't it funny/ weird/ stupid how people can disappoint me time and time again, yet i still continue to trust them and believe what they say. you'd think i'd have learnt my lesson by now.

i guess everyone needs some hope. if there's no hope, then what's the point in living right? so right, cling onto the little bit of hope that fails you, that's just brilliant. why not grab hold of something much more worthwhile. why? because i can't find it, that's why.

take take take it all
take take take it all

14. where morning dawns and evening fades You call forth songs of joy -psalm65:8


i can poke my eye for more than three seconds

haha today was another good day! :))

because.. although UMAT was a bit horrible, i had no school today!! :D went back for english only to find that mrs B wasn't in school again, so nike, angela and i went back to hostel.

CONTACT LENSES. i wore my first contact lens today! only ONE! haha i tried forever to get it into my left eye, but i just couldn't. so i tried my right eye, and yay! hurr. and then they went to borrow syahir's hair curler and curled my hair. ohmygosh. :\ syahir kept laughing at me lah. because bits were sticking out. haha. but it didn't last lah.

after that we went out to look for a shirt for syahir cos he needs it for dance tonight. and for the formal performance lah. went all over the place trying to find a shirt that was bright and not white. haha in the end he had to settle for a white striped one that was quite nice.. because the shops were closing, and he was already late for dance.

then nike and i went to have dinner at nando's. :) followed her to chinatown to buy her calling card, then went back to hostel. it was a bit weird cos i was only wearing contacts on one side, so i was like partially blind. ha.

and then the horrible trial of taking out the lens. tried like hmm quite a few times. not as many times as trying to put it in my left eye though, haha. so, now i'm happily wearing specs again. :D i love my specs okay. contacts are just too ma fan. and my eyes are tired. and i had to cut my nails just to get it out lah. that means no long nails for formal. hmm.

angela said that lessons end at line8 on friday. that means NOT ENOUGH TIME to get ready for formal ahhhhh. and nike said that 4aug is a holiday (they like fairfield i think hahaha), BUT we have PQA, that means we miss the holiday! :(( sighh.

hmm. dunno if i should go for the after party (after formal). it's at hush bar.. and i think everyone's going. but i don't really want to, cos it's at hush. i mean.. okay i don't want to go to any of those kind of places.. :( i dunno!

but anyway, it's still a happy day because UMAT is over, there wasn't school, and there isn't homework. :D OH and today was a nice warm sunny day! i wore a long-sleeved tee to school with no jacket. ONE LAYER! in the middle of winter! woohoobabeh~ :D


let's make the best out of our lives

okay i've decided- no point in running away, let's just face it. and so, i'm back. :)

woke up at 5.45am, left hostel with loyi at about 6.35am. i have never been out so early before. took the tram to flinders street, then tram70 to rod laver arena. there were so many people there.

UMAT was quite horrendous i think, not enough time, and this time, i couldn't understand people too. oh well. i just hope most of those people there are aiming for health sciences and not med.

oh and loyi and edward (another edward) said that the singapore passport is orange lah. i said it was red. then loyi started acting out the gattaca scene where jerome says "are you colour-blind too, vincent? it's silver! jerome morrow was never meant to be one step down the podium. even with all i had going for me, i was still second best." hurr. i can memorise now haha.

after UMAT, we met waicheong and walked to some tram station quite far away, then took tram67 to chinatown. then i came back to dump stuff before going to school. like now. hmm the scenery along the way was really nice. while we were walking. haha maybe next time i'll go walk there. in spring. :p


from jean's blog:
Have you ever got an aching feeling when you part and say goodbye?
yeah, only all the time.


emotional turmoil.

40 hour famine.
being cut off from the internet sounds good. make that even longer. like a few days or something.

yeah right, as if i'll ever be able to do that. i should try, though.

thanks kor.


if you're lost and barely breathing
i will find you

haha just did the other UMAT practice questions. improvement! ahaha but hardly any, so not counted. actually, some of the mistakes were quite stupid. hmm.

section1: logical reasoning and problem solving
16/22 [one mark higher xD]
3 careless (well, kinda) though, so.. haha.

section2: understanding people
15/18 [same]
i haven't improved. hurr.

section3: non-verbal reasoning
11/15 [one mark higher also haha]
still the same nonsense. one day i shall post a photo of a question and see if you can do it. because it makes no sense to me. there is no pattern lah. :
in conclusion, i draw conclusions too quickly/ assume things to be true when there isn't really enough info given.

andrew borrowed my other UMAT practice test booklet, i haven't looked through my mistakes yet!

koney said that mrs dawson said that monash was looking for people with ISAT scores of above 90%. CRAP mine is 89%. :\ she said that those with scores below 90% might have to go for TWO interviews. i think i could die with just ONE, how on earth am i going to survive TWO?? argh.

i'm just brilliant at stressing myself out, huh.


but if you only knew

today is chinchow's birthday! :D haha and i am not gonna give rong his number. awww. :p

hurrr today has been a blur. have this strange idea of writing a letter.. but of course i couldn't do that now. it has to be at the end of the year. that's just like me, isn't it, always running away. too many things to say, yet i don't want to make it even worse. it's my burden, you don't feel it at all, i'm sure.

jean made tiramisu, sebas said hi? hahaha hi! :)

bio test was.. alright. it's like i cannot say it's easy (or they will 'cheh!' me), and i cannot say it's very difficult (they will freak out), and so. i am stuck in between.. but actually it wasn't really difficult. just a bit irritating to have to explain.. don't know why, i used to like explaining. it's kind of like just regurgitation what. so it was really okay except that i forgot that i'd left a blank and almost freaked out towards the end.

angela is going to give me contacts! her degree is 250/250, mine is around 275/250, so it's all good. :) other than the fact that i haven't ever tried it on, and i seriously doubt if i can poke my eye directly.

nike gave me a 40 hour famine booklet. how come it's 40 hours here and only 30 hours in singapore? hmm. supposed to go around collecting money. from who?

kevin ponned school today, tsk tsk. haha. i think the mr lim board is funny. :D and they did the candle thing? haha. sfc's this year was washing feet. so cool! ;p

i bought lunch back today, so i have more time. need to collect photos, get a few more things.. and i think i seriously need to buy food. but i'm so lazy.

i forgot. but now that i remembered, i am in a DISTRESSED mode!! after living in my calculator for more than a year, the vicks sweet wrapper has DISAPPEARED. probably because i lent my calc to nike during line3. :((( WHY DID I FORGET AND NOT CHECK. arghhh i'll go back and check the library later before english. hopefully it'll still be there. well it should be; i don't think anyone picks up rubbish. except some teachers. :
read frederick's blog;
whatever the case, i just feel that the fallacy i once had is finally being realised: i cant make life long friends in jc unlike many others before me and jc is a terribly confusing period of low and out.

hmm. i wonder if i will ever be able to make life-long friends.

UMAT is tomorrow, and i was depending on loyi to bring me there because i have no clue where it is. and then today in chem lesson, he told me he had no clue where it is. AHHHHH. tomorrow and 8am, it's nuts lah. so early for what. sighh.

how exactly are 'perfect' and 'best' defined? like how can you actually say you did your best when there are surely moments when you didn't?

now i see it. i put in effort, but it wasn't my best. so what now?


a million questions on the tip of my tongue; the only problem is- where do we go from here?


you and i were so carefree
now nothing's easy


we built it up to watch it fall
like we meant nothing at all

i've found one thing that's cheaper here than in singapore! :D developing photos, next day service. haha. the cheapest in singapore (that i found) was like 30 cents? here it's 25 singapore cents. :D haha yay!

i don't know how to do chem pract. which is stupid, because i've done it before in sa. the calorimeter and burning the ethanol thing? ahaha i still remember sebas went to blow mine out then mdm lee wrote "too large!" at my calculated value lah. hmm in sa the ethanol was in a brands essence bottle, here it's in a special burner. haha. but the calorimeter is just ridiculous. it has no insulation at all. and it doesn't have a cover. nonsense lah.

don't know how to do english homework also. never really thought about irene's commitment, always thought the whole thing revolved around jerome/vincent. hmm.

oh we got back math test today. :] mr skinner said: "that was a goodie!" :\ he is weird. weirdu.

we're learning transformers in physics. at least it isn't new.

heterologous?! i just realised today that we've learnt mendelian genetics in jc. sometimes i can't separate sec sch and jc stuff. why.

need tons and tons of chocolate. khaodee photos and study skills sketchbook are on the way by express post. :\ i'm sorry, i know i keep wasting money by needing express. :

sometimes you hold so tight
it slips right through your hands
will i ever understand?


oh well, i hope you had fun.


looks like another day
slippin' through my window shade

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i just did volume1 of the UMAT practice questions. i think i'm not cut out to be doctor! or have anything to do with health sciences!

section1: logical reasoning and problem solving
15/22
ahaha i cannot think logically! :
section2: understanding people
15/18
okay lah not bad haha the only thing i can do.

section3: non-verbal reasoning
10/15!!
haha totally couldn't do this. like all the weird sequences and things. :
UMAT is so much more difficult than ISAT! ahhhhhh *freaks out! :((

grrr. i think i think i think i cannot. urghh.

and i am being erased from your life. but it's OKAY. xi2 guan4 jiu4 hao3.


all we have to do now
is love one another
sisters and brothers
can all live as one
all we have to do now
is show one another
we all need each other
to live as one
in love

hmmm. i'm quite surprised, today was happy throughout! :) must be kevin. ahaha.

everything has been good today, well, kinda.

thanks so much to nike, who came over and taught me how to put on make up. ahaha. super funny lah. like she kept trying to explain things to me in indo, but i had no idea what she meant. [kevin! what is 'sasak'?] but it was alright i guess. haha. eyeliner is scary. hmm. and then when we tried to take a photo with flash, we both looked like GHOSTS. seriously haha. then we went shopping for erm hair spray and some other make up stuff.

and she says cannot wear specs to formal. huhhhh. then she say have to get contacts. i think i will DIE if i wear contacts. oh my gosh howww. and besides, we went to ask, it costs a bomb, and we can't claim it from the whatever nonsense ahm [health insurance provider]. i dunno.

went to church after that, worship was good. very good. :) sermon was titled "you can make a difference", but i think the guy spent too much time talking about north korea. actually i think it must be quite horrible living there. hmmmmm.

okay let's learn from yurong:

i guess it's wrong to be so irritated, but sometimes i can't help it. no one likes being treated/ talked to as if they were stupid and that they didn't know what they had to do.

i feel very detached. very very very very very very very very detached. <- that is an understatement. sighhhh.

i guess if you're willing to step away from everything you were used to, then you have to know that nothing's ever going to be the same again. like the friendships you have now, they're not ever going to be the same as what they were before. you won't really know what happens in their lives, and they don't really know what's happening in yours. the only thing would be to enjoy the moments that you do have with them. because things can go 'back to normal', or like 'nothing much has changed', but of course they have. everything has changed.



hmmm today is a happy day :)

the weather fluctuates like mad, two days ago it was probably around 5. today it's FIFTEEN! oh my. i love today's weather! x)

and and and! i saw GRACE!! :D at melbourne central, with her mum and friends. :) haha YAY so happy lah.

walked around a bit.. kind of in vain, i guess. got a few ideas, but.. haven't decided. haha. bought black pants for INTERVIEW. need a blouse. ughhh. let's continue burning a BIG hole in my pocket, shall we? hehh well the thing is that i don't actually have cash, since i banked everything in before i went back home. that means i just swipe my card and the money flows out, i don't even know how much i've spent. :\ and i don't want to know. sighhhh.

but still, it's a happy day! haha discount on the pants. x) haha. happy days are rare. thank God for today. :)

being in a new environment gives you the opportunity to start all over again. unfortunately, i'm not in a new environment anymore. oh well. i can't wait for the next one. :)


i am not rong's twin

ahhhh nike has to go to church with her sis. :( oh well.

hmm. kevin reached home and opened my present! ahaha. *worries

and i have new vocab! it's a bit irritating to have to think of new words to say: i'm tired, i want to sleep. but i only have three words: tiring, draining, exhausting [latest addition]. :D haha.

i think blogger is easier to use than livejournal. but maybe it just needs getting used to. haha.

okay i should just hurry up and go out since i have a million and one things to do.





there's only so many tears that you can cry
before it drains the life right from your eyes


take me away.
please.

i think kevin is mad cos he thought i might be able to do a chem S paper question. haha. obviously i couldn't.

nic has a 'new' hobby! taking videos haha. very entertaining. :D watching videos of my dear cell leader's birthday! :) i msged her. :) i think her birthday celebration was the most elaborate lah. sing happy birthday four times and go to her house some more! so funnnnnn and so sweeettt awww. :D AHHH makes me miss sfc even more! and i finally know what gloria looks like. haha.

don't feel like studying anymore. saturdays are always so slack. i keep reminding myself that one day of rest is supposed to come after six days of hard work.

loyi played with my rc car and kept ramming it into chair legs and walls. :(

a hot shower is one of the best ways to clear your head. TODAY WAS A HORRIBLE DAY. i mean in the afternoon. but well it's okay now. because i showered.

why is it so difficult to put it into words, and why is there no one to listen to you during the lowest possible moments of your life.


onehundredandsixteen
i`ve been through this before, i can do it again.

more interconnectedness than you could ever imagine. why do things have to be this way. are the changes for the better? can anything even be done. is there any point in dreaming of ideals when you know it's not ever going to happen?

we had this crazy plan to meet
and run away together
get married in the first town we came to
and live forever
but nailed to the tree
where we were supposed to meet, instead
i found this letter
and this is what it said.


i believe in the impossible

haha webcammed with rong and jason. :D jason for a while only.. then cos whome sucks, it kept getting d/ced. so i gave up.

hehe wanted to post something i did with rong and jason in it. but decided not to be so bad. haha jason was on the verge of whacking me a million times already. :D then after that he pretended not to care. "whatever, ahha i dun care" :D

they went to eat crystal jade todayyyyy. :( heh. but rong said sebas bought my seventeen already! :)

sharon asked me to go to 255 [a bar] to celebrate her birthday tonight. obviously, i didn't go.

wanted to call ashley from downstairs, but went down only to find that my calling card has expired! and the payphone ate up my 50cents. :( came back up and used my room phone to call.. talked for about 2hr15mins? i think. haha. it got d/ced halfway also lah. weird. but don't have any banglas this time hahaha.

i guess it's not worth it to get another calling card.. but sometimes using the internet phone is just too irritating because the reception is so poor. the conversation with ashley was not bad though. :)

didn't get much work done. tomorrow need to finish math and study bio. must finish asexual reproduction, sexual reproduction, DNA structure and DNA replication at least! i hope. :\

okay, going to sleep. hopefully i'll be able to sleep once i hit the pillow. i miss that.

don't waste my time telling me common sense stuff.

lots of important stuff coming up..
i'm just irritated with mrs dawson for only telling me when i asked, and so late.

25july- bio test
26july- UMAT
28july- formal
31july- mock interview
3aug- actual monash interview
4aug- PQA [founder's day!]
15aug- CSIRO [genetic engineering]

STOP STRESSING ME. it's not as if I don't want it okay. i do, so just leave me be. i don't want to build stories to just to impress people. so stop.

sometimes i'm just happy i'm so far away. no one can see me and in a way, no one really knows how i'm feeling. or what i'm going through.

you can't slam the phone down if you're not on it. what's the equivalent in an msn conversation?

so many things to do.

i feel like i've lost weight, but the scale doesn't say so. hurr. but i've been forcing myself to eat, and forcing myself to walk up stairs. like yesterday i only took the lift once.

paper cut on your thumb is bad for washing dishes.

when the world doesn't seem to make sense;
12. God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -psalm73:26


i love sexy chairman and a mynah's owner!

physics test is over! not as bad as i expected, but as with all physics tests, i had no idea what i was doing. think i made up some formulae. oh well.

highlight of the day:

surprise in the mail!
diana and rong sent me a
:DDD oh my gosh! masitah told me this morning that i had a parcel.. and i'd been wondering who it was from the whole morning. then i came back and on the parcel it said "Toy Car" then i was like !!! but the handwriting on the front didn't look like diana's. or rong's. haha. but on the side there was an envelope with diana's handwriting on it. and behind there was diana's address. haha. oh my gosh so happy!! :DD you guys made my day! :D YAY! i'm going to get batteries after school! ;p

yay yay yay yay yay! :D

okay, today is sfc handing over, and it's also val's birthday!


i'm bored of talking to you. i'm bored, i'll call you back. -jeromemorrow

been mugging physics. :) i am so unprepared. too many formulae. how how how! hurrr but i'm less stressed than before. :)

try harder.

not looking forward to moving at the end of the year. i mean, yeah, in some ways.. but the hassle. packing, moving, cancelling things like internet and land line.. so ma fan.

hello panda :] it's kind of like pocky. right? i mean, they're just different forms of each other. it reminded me of mugging for O's in xuhui's classroom [C112] with ashley, mabel, cheewei.. going over to dover for lunch [my favouritest youmian! haven't eaten it for one year + :(] and then dropping by uncle bob's shop to get snacks like haribo and the chocolate thing that ashley and mabel threw into each other's mouths from about 2 metres apart. :D and even mugging in mathew's room. haha he'd just say he didn't see anything.

looking forward to saturday~
i'd much rather be mugging bio than physics.

UMAT!
i've resigned myself to the fact that syahir is much smarter than me (and loyi), no matter what loyi says. syahir is smart.


please come now
i think i'm falling
holding on to all i think is safe

show me what it's like
to be the last one standing
and teach me wrong from right
and i'll show you what i can be

you think that love is all a bluff
you flash your smile and keep denying me

you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
and i don't want to go home right now

now the story's played out like this
just like a paperback novel
let's rewrite an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror


you sure you wanna do this.
you know you're gonna lose.


baby rose jeans-
i want.

tired. feel like not studying for physics.

had a fire drill in school today. freezing cold and a complete waste of time. it's a lot easier for people to die in a tall building. like if you compare with singapore schools.

ISAT is so crappy. sigh. got 94% for critical reasoning and 91% for quantitative reasoning (as in top __%), but overall reasoning only 89%. and guess what, syahir got 100% for overall. he is nuts.

woke up late twice today.
and i feel like crap.

will time just hurry up pass and let it be saturday already.


physics is killing me.

[this entire entry is not worth reading; please skip. i just needed to complain.]

finally started at like 10.45pm. went through a few of dr w's worksheets.. then started trying to do another one, only to find that there are no answers. ugh. crappp.

i would probably do better for this test coming straight out of O's. i can't remember anything. plus all the stupid rules. like what make the area smaller then follow your thumb and go in a circle. like huh?!?!?! :(( totally lost. ughhhh.

talked to nike just now. both of us totally don't get what mrs viglione is teaching. and i asked annie to go to church with us on sunday. :) since she stays right beside it now.

and it seems like they're trying to test billions of topics in each test. like for bio, it's asexual reproduction, sexual reproduction, DNA structure, DNA replication, protein synthesis, gene mutation.

there's no time lah. NO TIME. and physics is killing me. DROP PHYSICS UGH.

rationing pods. chocolate. comfort food.

well. there's still the comfort of knowing that i'm probably better off doing physics than econs. heh.


when you're blinded by this jaded world-

today was the most freezing day of history. okay, for me in melbourne. ugh. 6 degrees! i wanted to wear ten jackets to school. surprisingly, i wasn't not all that tired. must be the four-hour sleep thing haha.

it's scary to think that people can tell. hurr but i don't think he can lah. he just asked. and i didn't say anything. aiyah obviously i won't say anything lah. insiders, outsiders.. trust.

we're taking UMAT at the same place, waicheong, loyi and i. but wc has already done all the practice questions. my my. i need to catch up. richmond lah. why must they put us at random weird places. i have no clue how to go. but loyi said it's just 5 mins away by train. okayyy.

school day:

reached school late. because it was so cold, i didn't feel like leaving the building. haha.

math; normal distribution
physics; practical- calibrating something. forgot what.
line3; here. did math homework in the library first.
bio; recombinant DNA technology. fell asleep. :chem; practical- calibrating a calorimeter.

accumulative blogging. written throughout the day.

for no reason at all. ugh, your moodswings. too much. haven't you learnt that things can't always go your way? that you can't treat everybody like your vending machines? that you can't expect people to always give in to you, when you don't do anything yourself? give more than you take, and smile through it all-

i'm tentatively going back on 15 nov. :DDD hahaha. tentatively. serene (my AGENT) said that most interviews are before exams. and mrs viglione said that we don't need to go back to school after exams. but we do need to make sure our results and offers get to us somehow. hmm must go and talk to mrs dawson tomorrow. hopefully. she's intimidating.

double surprise.. that would be fun, haha.. but i can't wait that long. :p sorry! haha but one is enough i guess. SO FUN I CAN'T WAIT! :D

spent a ton of money today, like seriously. can faint. sigh. urghhh hope it pays off. does this sound like blackmail or a bribe or something haha.

met andrew at the lift, he said ISAT results are out already. or at least, his and syahir's. mine aren't here yet. hmm i was quite erm. anxious? nervous? worried? when he told me. and i went to check. but yeah not here yet. sighh. hope they'll be here tomorrow. but maybe not also.

STOP GOSSIPING LAH. i can hear you okay. i am not deaf. ugh.

sometimes people don't see beyond. they look at society's norm and think that's all there is to life. that's so sad. right, we stay in this circle and the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.. jobs shouldn't be stereotyped. you can make it different if you want to. it's your choice.

after so long, i'm still struggling to grasp the fundamental truth.. no one should never have to doubt where they're going eventually...

if anyone could do it, it would be you.


so, are there more nice people?
or not nice people?

haha. talking to sebas just now was super funny lah.

firstly, it took me a million tries just to get him. you know why? because the stupid service crossed the signals and connected someone else's line with his phone! LIKE FOUR TIMES OR SOMETHING. and i ended up with a dead line. haha and the most hilarious thing was that they were either banglas or china people. :DDD hahaha. i was laughing like mad then i think *ahem thought i was mad lah. like trying to supress my laughs. AND THEN the dodo frog went to post on his blog! urghhh.

peiyu is scaring me! last time got blog then never blog. now got new blog then so emo. :\ I MISS YOU TOO SIS. :(

hmm hmm hmm what else. oh it's cheryl's birthday today! :)

and. someone wanted to teach me guitar remember? now i don't want already so scaryyy. hurr.

frog on seventeen! haha. you better send me an autographed copy okay. even though i lost the other one. and said the photo wasn't all that nice hahaha. :D i'm sure celeste didn't steal it to oogle over you photo lor. hahaha. he's got an mc so he's ponning school tomorrow. more specifically, the hair check! and he wants a mohawk. he is NUTS. tap running too bad haha.

okay need to sleep! i think tomorrow i'll just sleep in class. and during breaks. and after school. and then no time for physics and i will freak out. :\ bleargh.

haha go read frog's blog. more funny. :D


give more than you take
and smile through it all

disruptions! :(( [how ironic]

haven't even touched physics. how good is that? ughhhh i am so dead.

BUT. loyi bought nick lachey's album haha. so i have all the songs now YAY. :)) he bought muse also. but muse is yucks.

at least i finished chem. and half of english. but those aren't due tomorrow. i don't know what's due tomorrow.

peiyu is so random. like suddenly out of nowhere msg that she knows cheryl? haha you see i KNOW that she knows cheryl. because they were both in soccer in first three months and she told me. and i asked peiyu that question like months ago. like probably in feb. haha. delayed response.

IAN WANTS TO LEND ME HIS GUITAR?!?!?! okay this is so weird. because i've only spoken to him like once in person. okay maybe twice. before and after the flight haha. okay i guess the more shocking thing is that he wants to teach me guitar. my goodness. but my msn is screwy so he can't see my reply like _____. hmm.

pirates of the carribean on sat?

and loyi made me watch this youtube video of his school brass band. i was like.. :\ okay lah their formation not bad i guessss. but the music was like. :\ yeah. then i said sajc concert band was one million times better. then he said i have no proof. so i went to youtube and found some PROOF. :D hahaha. and dance videos too. ooh.

kevin another one. steal the frame idea haha. :D hope there's no inflation and the frames are still the same price. :D

TSUNAMI AGAIN. :((((((( i was really super :( when i heard lah. hai. :\


can i ask you something
is the sun hot enough for me to suntan

haha found the above on some random blogskin.
anyway today the sun is hotter than it's been in a long time. nicee. x)

i want to know why rong is dead today.
frog is sick. GET WELL SOON.

irwin replied. :D he said my number is very long.. actually ten isn't much longer than nine. but then again, there's still the +61 i guess? without the 0? haha remember i don't know how to msg aust from singapore.

math test! i think it was not bad. i think. sometimes in probability i don't know what i'm doing. it seems correct, but it always seems like there's something i'm forgetting. anyway. it was not bad.

physics. i actually tried paying attention today. and its all like GREEK. i have no idea what she's talking about. all the left hand and right hand rules. i don't know when to use which! like seriously NO IDEA. flustered. sigh. friday's test is going to be on everything to do with electricity. including stuff we learnt before the hols. i didn't even get it then. ugghhhh.

line3- did PHYSICS. and borrowed another book. couldn't help it haha. started recombinant DNA technology in bio. genetic engineering.. watched a dvd. and we're going to CSIRO (or something like that) to do something. haha i don't exactly know what. reminds me of life science camp. where we took the p-glow gene from the jellyfish and put it in the e.coli. :D and then it could glow under UV light.. haha.

chem: thermochem. i dunno lah. boring stuff like calculations of enthalpy change or something. yeah, boring. oh we got back the test. 98? normally i would feel like banging my head on the wall for making that ridiculously stupid mistake. i mean i think no one else on earth would have made that mistake. but i don't feel like now. wonder why.

line6/7- waste time. oh, and have lunch.

english. ugh. had to present.. despite not bringing our posters. oh well. it was alright. i was blabbering though. :\ anyway. the last group's 'debate' was super funny lah. two of the four guys just kept rebutting each other. like after every point. haha and the whole class was laughing.

went to walk around melbourne central and myer with koney. interesting. haha. make up is too complicated for me. sighh. yurong say buy magazines. :D

anyway, i found a blogskin.
click!
nice not?
haha i don't like the font..
and there's no space for chisel!




lots of photos up on the sfc blog. :) they're handing over tomorrow. SO FAST.

emailed mr fong to ask when grad night is. and he told me that army asked ms ngiam. and she remembers me! amazing, for a teacher who only taught me like three weeks. haha. anyway. GUESS WHAT. grad night is on 5dec! like hmmmm okay. is it on 5dec every year? haha. interesting. OH and ms ngiam said of course i could go. :DDD

i'm leaving for brisbane on 6dec night though. i know, as if i haven't had enough of australia right? go back to singapore for a while then must come back again. haha. oh well. it's a HOLIDAY. no ships involved. heh.

army sent my heels and her shawl and my chiangrai service learning testimonial. a stark reminder that limsh is now vice principal. sigh.

okay i shall.. shower. then have dinner, then mugggg! hmm. english, chem, physics. SO MUCH. :( oh well at least we're doing gattaca again. but after gattaca it's back to unsung heroes again. bleahhhh. boring.


the real me used to laugh all night
lying on the grass just talkin' bout LOVE

HAHA kevin got the package! :DDD it took five days! hehehe. and by the way, he just posted up my address for the WHOLE WORLD to see lah. my goodness.

math test! unprepared. and i lent my notes to aiksern lah.

sigh. must prepare myself to spend a lot of money today! otherwise later get heart attack or something.

today is irwin's birthday! :D hahaha.

what do you do when hot milo is too hot..


you don't know what you're doing to me.


the real me is a southern girl
with her levi's on and an open heart

yay i'm feeling much better. :) the fourth person to make my day! at the most crucial point! LEE RONG RONG. :D

haha. she insists on calling sebas er. durian boy?

fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
i feel so informed today :D
hurhur
shutter happy says:
hahahah 'cause of esplanade?
fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
rawrrrwrwrwrwrwrwrrw
shutter happy says:
new codename: durian boy WAHAHHAHAHA
...
shutter happy says:
oi oi must refer to sebas as durian boy from now onwards ok!

something to do with serenade esplanade. don't look at me. i've got nothing to do with it.

and then! peiyu and rong have been anyhow talking behind my back! eeyer. and peiyu flower girl some more ah. hurrr NO MORE STARBURST. and they are not suggestive lah hello. they're GUMMIES.

fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
i talked to jason this morninnggggg
:D :D :D :D
are you jealous
shutter happy says:
IM JEALOUS

hahaha. she said i wouldn't put it up. try me. :D

shutter happy says:
a's end 23rd
...
fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
i end NINE
:D
NINE NOV WOOHOO
shutter happy says:
YAHLAH YAHLAH
fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
hahaha i take ship back lah
shutter happy says:
goood
fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
fulfil yurong's wish
shutter happy says:
no no wait kena scurvy howw
fishtails; the strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful says:
hahahhhaha
take vit C!

haha then she told me about mr fong making announcement today. no one greeted him, then he said "eh you all dead ah" haha. :D i emailed him! :DD


managed to do some probability. but don't think i'm gonna do any more. just look through.. all the profit/loss questions. mutually exclusive. independent. conditional.. venn diagrams, tree diagrams. i can't remember anything.

go on- take it out on me; it doesn't matter anymore.


arghhh i should refrain from talking to ____ before a test. or maybe just ALL THE TIME. you get pissed (for no apparent reason), i get pissed, and the whole night is RUINED. even after three people made my day today. RAHHHH.

i can't study when i'm bothered by such things. just simply cannot study. cannot do anything. i hate this.

and then i end up blog-hopping. WHAT IS THIS LAH.

okay sorry i was just irritated.

run run run run ian told me that if i get stressed/depressed i should exercise. i can't.

i can't wait until DECEMBER. i can't wait until ____________(especially)! and i can't wait until the sky stays brighter longer.

arghhhhhhhhhh save me.


healtheworld

hee. today has been a good day. :) so far.

woke up not feeling completely exhausted. talked to jason. went to school.

math- something was stuck in the keyhole of the 7.08 door, so we went up to level10. my second time there.. and the first was in 2004? haha. PROBABILITY. millions and millions of questions. sigh.

physics- electromagnetic induction (i think). i was actually daydreaming the entire lesson.. while looking at the screen and copying notes and trying to look as if i was there.

line3- colour-printed the moirakelly photos for english. it cost me $1. i hardly have any money left in my account. sigh. did some probability.

bio- protein synthesis and mutations.

ahyiguantamel smsed! :D she brought starburst to school cos today was long lecture day. haha. then sebas smsed. he's trying to be most regular smser. heh. and caleb ponned school because it was 5.15 day?! ee slacker! haha. kanesh also never go school. BOBBY THE ICICLE. and kevin failed me. he didn't top up his tissue! TISSUE SUPPLIER LEH. tsk tsk hahaha.

chem- chemical energetics. okay i'm not sure what it's called here. forgot. anyway. going on to thermal chem.. eee. :( calibrating a calorimeter on wednesday. reminds me of chem pract in SA last time haha. when ren and i would always go over and copy kanesh and sebas' answers. :D

line6/7- did the stupid poster and tried to present. it is so stupid. like talking nonsense. sigh.

english- didn't need to present hahahahaha YAY. :D and today was mrs winters' last lesson also. from tomorrow onwards she's going to be working in the school library. i wonder why. hmm. anyway nike's group went first. the first part was like okay.. but then they sang! my gosh super super nice lah. nike brought her guitar. :) SO NICE. hahaha. and we ran out of time one group before ours. yay!

and i bought gattaca. my goodness so exxxxx. sigh. but kind of no choice. just watched it. heh. okay mathhhhhh.



h e a l t h e w o r l d
michael jackson

spoken:
think about the generations and to say we want to make it a better world for our children and our children's children, so that they know it's a better world for them; and think if they can make it a better place.

there's a place in your heart
and i know that it is love
and this place could be much
brighter than tomorrow
and if you really try
you'll find there's no need to cry
in this place you'll feel
there's no hurt or sorrow
there are ways to get there
if you care enough for the living
make a little space, make a better place

heal the world, make it a better place
for you and for me and the entire human race
there are people dying
if you care enough for the living
make a better place for you and for me

if you want to know why
there's a love that cannot lie
love is strong
it only cares for joyful giving
if we try we shall see
in this bliss we cannot feel
fear or dread
we stop existing and start living
then it feels that always
love's enough for us growing
make a better world, make a better world.

heal the world, make it a better place
for you and for me and the entire human race
here are people dying
if you care enough for the living
make a better place for you and for me

and the dream we would conceived in
will reveal a joyful face
and the world we once believed in
will shine again in grace
then why do we keep strangling life
wound this earth, crucify it's soul
though it's plain to see, this world is heavenly
be God's glow

we could fly so high
let our spirits never die
in my heart i feel
you are all my brothers
create a world with no fear
together we'll cry happy tears
see the nations turn
their swords into plowshares
we could really get there
if you cared enough for the living
make a little space to make a better place

heal the world, make it a better place
for you and for me and the entire human race
here are people dying
if you care enough for the living
make a better place for you and for me


just like how you read someone's blog and realise that there's so much more to their life you never knew about. one and a half years is too short to know someone, isn't it?

BUT,

talking to jason! :)
JASON YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!
barely before it even began haha.

today is going to be a rushed day.

i miss everyone.


i gave until it all went away

something is very wrong (not with me exactly), but i don't know what. and actually there is no way of finding out. because it's not as if ____ will tell me even if i ask. anyway it isn't really any of my business.

enough of math for tonight. actually i could probably continue for a while longer. but i need to sleep. it's not an excuse, it's a reason okay.

ashley is fasting from his comp until national day! but i'm calling back on friday. :) that is, if i don't get pangsehed again.

heh, it's not just singapore's education system. it's just education. who doesn't look forward to the weekends even before monday comes? i know i definitely can't wait until math and physics are over. that means friday. not much difference, huh. except that in singapore, you have much more reason to hope saturday comes sooner.

ren msged. :) nope sebas, you're not the most regular smser. :D

okay, i'm going to sleep already.


so say we all.

went up to lend loyi math and ended up watching a bit of gattaca. until like almost 5.50pm. then rushed downstairs to get my stuff, then went to church.

met nike in church. :) thank God, really. anyway i think the speaker was good. sermon about cross-culture. at the beginning, he was asking the congregation where each person was born. i mean he'd say "is there anyone from korea here?" and then the koreans would raise their hands etc. when he got to singapore, the people just screamed. haha. i was thinking, so typical lah. anyway pastor chris is from singapore too.

after dinner we were about to go home. then we decided to go out and eat. haha. went to red silks at chinatown and had fried rice with salted fish :D yay! haha. talked about school and formal and other stuff* heh. complained about the english teacher also, haha. she's coming over next sunday before church to help me. :D oh, and dinner was her treat. next week my turn.

walked back in the rain.. and showered.

i'm now left with 2 hours to mug math. sigh. can't sleep late tonight.. or i'll be running on practically nothing this coming week.

and then there's this other thing to worry about.. hmm. not that i didn't remember. i just kind of disregarded it.. because i guess it isn't so important. but. i can't completely ignore it lah. too mean. sigh. helpppp.

ugh don't feel like doing math lahhhh. maybe i won't haha.

need to find out if i can leave straight after exams. that means:
1. there aren't any interviews after that.
2. the remaining school days aren't important.
3. they'll send my results to me.

haha i hope i reach singaporee before 23nov. :D


if someone said three years from now
you'd be long gone

sometimes i just wonder if you're talking to me.

sorry, i was out.

stopped myself from buying indomie. can't eat so much. i'll go bald or something.

all that stuff is expensive. it's confusing when you don't know anything. i need to go with someone who knows.

after complaining so much about the weather, today's is really good. the forecast on The Age says 12 degrees, but it feels more like 15. and so, i'm going to flagstaff. soon.




cannot call ashley again. hurr. and i thought only sebas did this to me. ha okay lah but not his fault. he's losing his voice cos he sang for 6 hours just now. and tomorrow is his youth sunday.

life is still such a bore, except that today, i did something remotely ARTY. remotely. sigh. it was just watercolour pencils lah my goodness. i didn't bring anything else here. and my colour pencils were air-mailed haha. the point is that i did my stupid english poster. changed the topic from aids to moira's children, i guess that's less out of point. at least from there can link to her commitment when i present. BUT i'm still hoping for no time.

just waiting for my phone to finish charging. it takes forever. my old phone takes a much shorter time. but that phone can't wake me up. so i can't use it as an alarm.. which means i have to wait. once it's done, i'm going to plop on my bed and sleep like a pig. [haha gay shat]

sfc handing over ceremony on wednesday. of course it would be a wednesday- it has to be during chap's hour. wonder if they'll do the same thing as last year. the candle thing.. i wish i could be there.

ugh my diary is like filled with orange. TESTS. math and physics this coming week, UMAT the week after, PQA the week after that.. and bio's got to be coming soon too. and then there's the formal..... sigh. wonder when ISAT results will come. they said a few weeks. hmm.

WHEN WILL WINTER FINALLY END!!!!!!!

retarded phone. sometimes i really miss using my old phone. except that it keeps telling me that there's almost no more memory space. it's filled with msges from singapore people. haha and my new phone can store like 1000+ msges (i think)?

i want to sleep.
i want to watch gattaca.

LOOK.
friendship isn't something to be taken advantage of.


yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

feeling.. sick. :headachey. still tired. but i can't sleep. because if i do, i won't wake up until tomorrow morning. church.

haven't really done anything today. except some math. i realised that i can do conditional probability. but sometimes you have to approach the question in a different way. and then i just can't do it. haven't finished. still have quite a lot.. so many questions that we'd never covered before mr skinner just dumped another lot on us. without teaching us. being unprepared for a test worries me. i need the security of having done millions of questions. that means mug more.

read quite a lot of digital fortress. reading is the one thing i can do when i don't feel like doing anything else.

compiled my neoprints, haha.

six hours to go before calling ashley. i'll be okay once i call. the main problem is how i'm going to be able to survive until then.

math.


no coincidence, obviously-
jer29:11-12


oocyte?!

hmmm. i'm still tired. anyway.

sebas keeps finding random things to complain about me lah. eee. it's not fair because the time difference is in your favour. hmphh anyway tonight i call ashley don't call him hahaha. was supposed to call kor last night but in the end he couldn't make it. anyway 3am is emilyrose time. haha so backdated.

so i spent my time blog-surfing haha. found D's blog. it's sad to think that people can drift apart so much. hmm but that was such a long time ago lah anyway. her bf is quite cute hahaha. :D blah now i sound like a spyer.

juggie insists i take the ship back after finals. haha. actually, sorry, i have a return ticket from 23jan. and besides, who would want to take a ship which would take days, when they could be back in 7+ hours? haha.

waffles for breakfast.. i want icecream. trampoline! sigh. but once i step outside, it's too cold for icecream. it won't really melt much on the way back, but i doubt it'd survive long in my freezer anyway.

i want the term to be over. but apparently we have no study break before trials? i don't know.

hmm it's kind of like msging someone a question and not expecting a reply. happens all the time.
rainy saturday :((

okay study study


ATCG

this is such a weird friday feeling.. like: it's finally friday! but i don't have the energy to do anything. i think i need to sleep. actually i've been feeling like i need to sleep the entire day.

math- PROBABILITY. mr skinner is freaky because he remembers my name. and practically no one else's. :\ so he just skips me on the roll and calls "Yi", who is actually loyi. haha. i think he's really.. eccentric. a bit like mrs kwek? :D but mrs kwek isn't freaky. haha.

physics- our own work. got so fed up with the stupid electric field nonsense that i just sat there and stoned. since i was already feeling like sleeping. ha.

line3- did some probability, then tried to read chem. and explained some stuff to nike.. rong smsed me about someone asking mdm hoh about the earth and moon thing, and how she started her "same rate" speech again, then sebas finished it for her. haha still remember that time we spent like one hour on that 2-mark question lah my gosh. haha but super funny.

bio- watched a video on protein synthesis. then some super cool animation haha. then.. she taught us more about protein synthesis. i think. actually i can't remember. anyway the animation had all the other stuff lah. like promoter region, transcription factors etc.. all the stuff we don't need to know. haha. in some ways i think knowing more than you need to know is a bit irritating. like you don't know how much to write sometimes.

chem- TEST. ugh made this stupid careless mistake. can't even choose the linear molecule correctly lah what is wrong with me! :( see i can't concentrate when i'm tired. i had to read each question like twice before i got it. sigh. and i think i can't read the periodic table anymore. ugh i am so disgusted with myself.

line6/7- printed my english thing, then followed loyi across school to dabao food. then went back to school to change jacket and change books. then went back for lunch. wanted to go back to school earlier to print the PQA email.. but the comp lab was too crowded. anyway today was colder than most days. WINTER IS HALF OVER YEAAAAAA. :D

english- wasted the entire lesson. it's irritating to have to do things that aren't important. she should really let us watch gattaca instead so we can at least quote something for our theme essay. it's pointless to waste so much time on moirakelly; we might not even quote her in our essays. but we definitely need something from gattaca. sigh.

walked back to hostel with heather and mel. dumped my stuff, then went to find heather.. we were supposed to go to bigW/safeway with jocelyn. but then we called loyi and found out that they'd already gone. but they were going to vic mart after that. so we went with them. dropped by boost first. then went to some oriental supermarket so ivan could buy all his cooking stuff, then went to vic mart. walked around with heather a bit while the rest went another side. then heather and i decided to go back. cos she was tired.. went to look at dvds first. and went to the cheap party supplies shop. haha the stuff there is really cheap. but most people wouldn't really need that kind of stuff.

went back to hostel and went to watch gattaca in heather's room. haha. she helped me analyse it, cos her teacher had gone through like the whole entire thing with them. eee i also want lah. hmm then at about 5.30 she went down for dinner and i came up and showered.

TIRED. want to sleep. but i really can't. need to do english, math, physics.. and then call ashley at 9pm. i mean 11pm. hope i can survive until then. because i think that if i plop down on my bed now, i will just fall asleep immediately lah. which is rare.

hmm. oh i got another letter from the school. this one was from the MUFY coordinator though, not the principal. which is fine with me, because mrs spark's language isn't as weird and demanding as the mr cranshaw (who i still haven't seen). but the main point of the letter is the same i think.

oh i got my final exam schedule:

31 oct- english
1 nov- math
6 nov- chem
8 nov- bio
9 nov- physics

the bad thing is that i hardly have enough time to mug bio and physics (especially physics) in between. the good thing is that it's quite short. AND i finish earlier than A's. AND 2 weeks earlier than juggie jones lin yurong. :D haha i'll be back by then. :D i hope.

it's stupid that the final exam timetable is out before the trial exam's. 108 days to finals. haha.

aiyah tired lah. going to eat strawberries and read. then english. then math. physics can wait. test next friday. ugh that isn't too far away.


gomenasai

hmm. i think i should give up on calling anymore, i need too much sleep nowadays haha. like if i sleep at 1.20 and wake up at 7, i'm completely exhausted.

and today is chem test haha. urgh there just seems to be too much to do. how are we supposed to find the time?

called sebas last night. $1.75 for 52+mins haha. they cheat my money lah. but yeah i guess i remember them saying they were increasing the rates.. but still, cheat my money. heh. he was doing chem and i was doing protein synthesis. and he was telling me that i don't learn anything here. which is not really true.. well to a certain extent. anyway he didn't even know that you could feed jog strawberries lah. haha he told me that gay shat refuses to clean itself. you have to spray it! :D hmm. new ways of irritating me: read off my msn nick (in addition to reading off my blog). and i think putting down the phone took like one minute. at least. haha. saturday 3am is just impossible.

talked to my angel last night too, on msn. he's in KL now.. hmmmm.

rahhhh this just feels so weird. even more reason to-


haha excessive blogging! but i can't help it.


i hope you dance;
leanne womack

i hope you never lose your sense of wonder
you get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
may you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

i hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
whenever one door closes i hope one more opens
promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

i hope you dance
i hope you dance

i hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
never settle for the path of least resistance
livin' might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
lovin' might be a mistake
but it's worth making

don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
when you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

i hope you dance
i hope you dance

time is a real and constant motion
always moving us along
tell me who wants to look back on their youth
and wonder where those years have gone

i hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
whenever one door closes i hope one more opens
promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

dance, i hope you dance
i hope you dance
i hope you dance



the song after study skills.. ha. remember all the memorising techniques and mindmap skills and everything. i didn't apply anything i think. except maybe that i draw mindmaps that way now.. if i draw any at all. remember them making us memorise weird stuff.. and may wrote them on my birthday present gift tag. :D i can't remember anything now though.. wonder where my sketchbook went. haha. probably still in singapore (okay definitely). i know got orange, glass, egg, fork.. but probably in different groups of things we had to remember. hmm. and all the weird psychological things they asked us to do. like when you think positive things about a person, he/she can feel it? and when you think 'push down', it will happen? and passing energy between two people.. and how you shouldn't use negative words when you tell yourself to do something. like 'i must stay awake' instead of 'i cannot fall asleep'. cherie and gary. and the story he told us (okay it wasn't really a story) that made everyone cry like mad. sitting beside cheewei, who always got picked on by gary. the speed reading.. dunno what divide the page into three sections.. i couldn't do it. haha and the competitions between the left and right sides of the group. and the baroque music and everything.. career planning. learn@fairfield! all the newspapers on the wall. why am i remembering all this stuff now. weird. well i miss fairfield, the way it was before. things just keep on changing..


there's a hero
if you look inside your heart
you don't have to be afraid of what you are


Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
cos i can't do this on my own
i'm letting go
so give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take the wheel

haha caleb got a purple pig! :DD but i think the way he tilts his head is just retarded haha. and he can eat the apple even if he can't see? but got the most things to do lah i guess. gay shat got apple and waterspray, lamer got hay, jog got strawberry, chisel don't have anything! heh.

went to lend loyi the DNA replication sheet and had a long lift conversation again. we're always hogging the lifts i think, too bad for the other hostelites. wonder who one earth uses that term. anyway he can practically memorise the entire gattaca script i think. but then he's watched it three times already. ugh i'd so much rather do gattaca than moirakelly lah. b o r i n g.

researched on AIDS for the moirakelly poster and drew it up. well kind of. i don't know if each person is supposed to talk for 5-10 minutes, or if that's for the whole group. we didn't draw lots to see who was going first though. hopefully my group will be the last and we'll run out of time. bleahh.

chocolateeeeeee. i miss you.

stressed out. x\


and i don't want the world to see me
cos i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am


the week's almost over! :)

math- revision on probability. both dr w and mr skinner haven't taught us conditional probability. what, we're supposed to get it on our own?

physics- DC motors. and we played around with a motor too.

line3- did english in the library. and borrowed digital fortress. :)) kind of the wrong time to borrow though. with tests and all.. ah well. i shall limit the amount of time i spend reading everyday. except on sunday! x)

bio- protein synthesis. hmm it seems like we hardly need to know anything for everything. i mean like reproduction and DNA replication.. transcription and translation also not much.. but not too bad.

chem- last minute revision for tomorrow's test. sigh. i can't do the molecule-ion stuff.

line6/7- had sushi at QV. i can't eat as much as last time. i think my stomach shrank. sigh. still fat though.

english- didn't hand in homework in the end.. but was quite irritated by the 3 people who copied my work. like WORD FOR WORD hello if you want to copy also don't need to be so obvious right. some more they were rushing me to finish so they could copy. like ______. oh AND. we have to do another oral presentation! like _____________ ugh. mrs b said we didn't have any more! because there wasn't enough time for any more orals! but here comes mrs winters who tells us that we have 2 lessons to prepare for it. one, actually, since we couldn't do anything today. RAHHHHHH. my group is doing posters. how retarded. and the other poster group stole my idea. sighhhh.

bought more food.

i like fumie's bag! a lot a lot a lot! i want to buy. haha but no money. she said it cost A$95 and she got it in feb.. that means it's probably non-existent in shops now. bleah.

mrs richards bumped into me in the corridor in between math and physics, then she asked me about ISAT. i said it was okay, then she said good. then she asked me if i was doing anything extracurricular. she wanted me to go door-to-door and sell tickets for red cross. i was like- okayyy. then i told her about the jogja trip, and she said yeah army told her about it. and then she asked me to go find mrs dawson and ask if that's enough, or if i still need to do something else. hmmm. after that talk, both of us were late for class.

i might work up the nerve to call the cc soon. haha but not too soon. maybe tomorrow? i dunno. it wouldn't be nice to call too soon if i can't go down soon enough right..? aiyah i dunno lah. i'll see how.

a ton of work to do. need to stop slacking. and if anyone gets psalm39:13, please let me know. because i just don't get it.

8. far away in the sunshine are my aspirations. i may not reach them, but i can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. -louisa may alcott