fawn
27
(doctor!)
singapore/ sunny coast
melbourne! ♥
(would love to bake for a cafe/
?bird & brie)
wallflower
☁
my brother says i am
a cumulonimbus cloud :)

also

joy unspeakable that won’t go away
and just enough strength to live for today
so i never have to worry
what tomorrow will bring
‘cause my faith is on a solid rock
i am counting on God
♡
in dreams and in love
there are no impossibilities.
- jános arany
☼
You make all things
work together for my good.

people

rong; yurong; diana; may;
peiyu; caleb; kevin; daniel; joel;
lois; susanna; june; jane; cheryl;
yuwan; christina; jocelyn;
ivy; mangyik; jasmine; ida; valerie;
jason; joab; shaun; jintat;
jonathan chua; freedy; gary;
iris; sammy; nicky;

love

history

March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009; December 2009; January 2010; February 2010; March 2010; April 2010; May 2010; June 2010; July 2010; August 2010; September 2010; October 2010; November 2010; December 2010; January 2011; February 2011; March 2011; April 2011; May 2011; June 2011; July 2011; August 2011; September 2011; October 2011; November 2011; December 2011; January 2012; February 2012; March 2012; April 2012; May 2012; June 2012; July 2012; August 2012; September 2012; October 2012; November 2012; December 2012; January 2013; February 2013; March 2013; April 2013; May 2013; June 2013; July 2013; August 2013; September 2013; October 2013; November 2013; December 2013; January 2014; February 2014; March 2014; April 2014; May 2014; June 2014; July 2014; August 2014; September 2014; October 2014; November 2014; January 2015; February 2015; March 2015; April 2015; May 2015; June 2015; July 2015; August 2015; February 2016; March 2016; April 2016; June 2016; July 2016; August 2016; September 2016; October 2016; November 2016;

credits

Hosts: blogger; photobucket
Layout: /strawberrying

dread-
we're running out of time
how precious time can be


surround me
scott stapp


they say no man's an island
but i tend to disagree
i guess they've never seen my island
and where it lies at sea
i'm lost inside my memory
i'm still in disbelief
if i could paint a picture for you
this is what you'd see

i'm down on my knees
begging you to rescue me
please stop me
don't let me run
surround me
surround me
surround me now

a wounded man sounds desperate
when he's lost all his belief
can you look into my eyes
and say you won't betray me
we're running out of time
how precious time can be
i'm counting all the moments
of the times you could have helped me

i'm down on my knees
begging you to rescue me
please stop me
don't let me run
surround me
surround me
surround me now


forever and a day-

guess what!
i am flying back tomorrow.
crap.


even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme

today was pretty good YAY. :)

celeste woke me up. then she spent 25mins in the toilet. i was amazed. last time i used to spend 15mins in there only lah.

anyway, reached school late. like 7.15am. was quite :( because it was the only morning worship i would be attending. like forever. i'm not coming back in time for anymore. but didn't miss all that much i think. :) most of the people were j1s (i think) and mdm hoh was there. and oh sebas was there also lah. amazing things happen all the time.

went for assembly. oh before i went into LT1 i had to walk past the GO there right, then there were two really long queues of people. queuing to scan their fingers. like my goodness lah. what a stupid system. are teachers too lazy to even mark attendance? biometrics. just what we were learning in college.

didn't do much during math paper. slept a lot. in the balcony and along the 3rd floor corridor. that's quite a good place to sleep because hardly anyone walks past. haha. wanted to buy gomes tee but don't have. sigh.

mr tan was having a pe lesson. so after that i went to talk to him a bit. he forgot my nameeee. :( haha but after i told him then he could remember already lah. haha then ask all the usual questions. he said i disguised myself to get into school. haha.

talked to ms ong for a bit. :) then she had to answer some student's questions. said hi to a few more people. then met huiru and xieai. :)) talked to charissa also. haha. she is so cute lah. so blur. :D oh and sfc camp tee is not bad. if not for the fact that it's just black and white.

took mrt to harbour and had lunch at pasta. :)) really missed harbour. the last time i went there was like last year i think.

went to sentosa in full school uniform. none of us paid the entry fee. cos we had two complementary tickets, and xieai has her islander card. :) sentosa has changed so much. hadn't been there in ages.

the sun was shining. :) i got a bit darker. but just a really little bit. didn't spend much time under the sun. spent more time sitting in the shade with a bananarama and mango tango and cam-whoring with my phone. :D

showered and went to somerset to meet army to get my winter jacket. then went to marina bay to meet huiru and xieai again. :) went to eat bbq steamboat! :D it was not bad for three inexperienced people haha. except for the stupid splashing oil. explosive! and the prawns died. haha.

was supposed to cab to bukit batok and then everyone take bus home. but in the end we sent everyone home. haha. reached home at 11.20pm. if i'd reached home at that time before i went to australia, i'd have been grounded for sure. hmmm.

heard about the youth sunday filming tomorrow. really last minute. like i was told less than 24 hours before the actual thing? and i'm supposed to be involved? but it would be really unfair to others if i were to pangseh them. i hate being pangsehed. who doesn't? and so i'm not going to film.

perhaps this is one of the most irritating things. people ask you to do things, then when you do, they just chuck it aside and don't give you any feedback at all. they don't say anything. they leave you hanging. why bother putting in the effort? because all they care about is their inner circle. the others don't really matter. they plan stuff and do things and don't answer to the rest. HELLO it's not just about that group of you. we are a BODY. remember? oh and sitting on things. as if there was all the time in the world. some people are amazing in that they can only do things the day itself. or the day before or something.

anyway xieai is so sweet lah. THANK YOU DEAR. really enjoyed today too. :)) even though we didn't really do much. but it was fun all the same. <3 color="#ff6600">me: hi mr fong! fawn here :) i came back for the hols. are u invigilating or teaching now?
mr fong: Hi, so nice to hear from you! I am teaching now. did you come to college?
me: yup i went to college just now, going again tomorrow for a while.. i saw your physics video with ms ong! :D haha
mr fong: When will you come tomorrow? Want to chat with you. :-)
me: i think i'll be in school just before the bio paper ends tmr, but i'm not sure what time it ends yet.. i'll confirn then sms u later or smth :)
mr fong: Thanks, see you tomorrow!
me: hi mr fong! tmr i'm going to reach school around 10am. will u be free then?
mr fong: Oops, i just started lessons then. :-( Maybe next time then.
me: hmm what time does ur lesson start? maybe i can go earlier.. and talk to other teachers too..
mr fong: My lesson starts at 945am. I should be free from 845am till then.
me: okay.. i'll be in school earlier then :)

:D

probably going to school at around 9+am. forgot to ask opi if she could send me before showering. and now she's asleep. so i'll just have to hope.

YAY for those who don't take bio geog history.

for those who do-
p.song says: LAST LAP MENTALITY. hahaha. :D

i forgot where she went after leaving fairfield. but i remember being elated that she did.

IS MATHEW LIM GOING FOR 4A GATHERING?

i hate doing things so last minute. like WHERE DID THE HOLIDAYS GO. school starts on monday. :(((((((( youth day holiday.

i don't have a gown for the formal. how how how (haha so like whatever whatever whatever whatever). HOW. got to dig up my old one. sigh.

yeah they should just like put 3 weeks of holiday in june and one in sept. and kill the singapore education system PLEASE.

wonder what's happening tomorrow. haha jem said sfc people are going to watch scary movie4. and he asked me to pangseh nine (or rather, what's left of it).

horrendous rashes on my legs now. like UGH. the doctor said they were just the usual eczema. but i think it's heat rash. like ONLY IN SINGAPORE LAH. the heat/humidity makes such a good breeding ground for eczema. if there's one reason i'd want to go back to melbourne, it would be for the cooler air. my rashes got better when i was there. coming back i think it has become three times as bad as before.

huiru said that josephine went back to malan road to visit her juniors. AND THEY PAINTED THE WALLS AND PILLARS WHITE. AND THE PIPES ARE NOW RED. like ohmygosh lah what is their problem. totally DESTROYING IT ugh. i really liked the malan road campus. :((( they shouldn't be allowed to do that!

oh this just feels so green.


so, what did i do wrong this time?

there are little things that don't matter, but there also little things that do. it's different for everyone. this could mean the world to me but nothing to you. so how are we supposed to know what means something to someone? since we hardly put ourselves in others' shoes..

i remember the times when those things were so important to some people. and yet now they happily ignore it too.

it's scary to hover in between wanting to stay and wanting to go.

didn't get to see jean and kanesh today. :(

oh i talked to ron today!! :)) probably one of the happier moments. YAY. haha he kept telling me about head-hunters in indo and that it's a cursed land. hmm interesting.

saw veevee and natt also. :D veevee thought i wouldn't be able to remember her name. then she said she might call me benzene ring after chem paper. haha. and i saw shuweiiiiiii. :D and the weird guy who kept looking at dinesh and asking me to change place. haha.

oh i got my autograph book back! :) HAHA.

i miss cheewei shuzhen daixuan yuming clara. :(

i miss doing crazy things.
when we were young and stupid-


show me how to love unselfishly

:(((( ha i don't know what that was for.

tomorrow (okay today) is wednesday. saturday is coming. shit.

rahhhhhhh.

new specs are quite easy to get used to.

really tired.

all these temporary highs and permanent lows.

NOT WAKING UP EARLY TOMORROW.


stretch the days;
it's coming too soon

today has been not bad. :) except for one small part.

woke up at 8.30am and lazed in bed. then sebas called at 8.45 haha. we were both still tired so he said wake him up at 9.15am. but when i called him he said he couldn't get back to sleep.

reached serene at 10.45 (we were supposed to meet at 10.30) and had breakfast. :) haven't had macs breakfast in ages. haha. didn't de-oil my hashbrown. talked and looked at photos. OH i have this very unglam video of sebas. but i think the photos are more unglam. haha. later-

he wished army happy birthday without telling her who he was. then he said she was rude cos she didn't reply! tsk tsk. haha.

left at 12.35pm and went to NSC. i don't like seeing different doctors each time. there is no continuity. they should make the system like NDC's. much more efficient. but today was quite fast also lah. i think cos everyone's still in school. ha. got the medicine etc, then left.

went to j8 and shopped a bit. i love shopping with army because she has all the money. :D muahahaa. YAY. haha then ate shihlin XXL chicken!! :D haha it's popping up everywhere! but i maintain that harbour's is the best. :D haha.

fetched mark and celeste from school, then went to ginza to collect my specs. it's not bad i guess. but still need to get used to it.

later going to have dinner at turf city or something.

anyway. the little bad part of today!

someone's mum smsed my mum. arghhhhh really cannot take it lah. like here you are telling your mum like OH FAWN IS SUCH A BAD PERSON and not telling her the other side of the story. it's not fair. i know life isn't fair. but still. come on lah. i already said a million times. it can never work with only one person's effort. it's not as if i haven't tried. and besides, she's really deaf lah. HELLO I ANSWERED YOU OKAY. deaf. please take your own kid in hand first. instead of teaching her all sorts of things like oh you can discriminate someone based on them being quiet and that there's nothing wrong with that. maybe less time is good. because i can live without you.

ugh. spoiler. haha. OKAY feeling better. :) haha i won't try to act happy on my blog if i'm not. if it depresses you then kindly do not read thank you very much.


fake


there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me


today was really quite a happy day. :) because i saw so many people!

i muddled up my alarm clock timing cos i think i was too tired so i counted wrongly. cos my handphone's still set to melbourne time. anyway so i guess the alarm went off in the middle of the night. but somehow, amazingly, i managed to wake up at exactly 7.15am. :) showered etc, then walked to the behind bus stop. :)

my ipod is dead. :((( okay maybe not dead. just sick. but i don't know what to do. :( so, no music on the way there.

waited forever for 985. by the time it came, chinese listening was already over lah. everyone got 9/10. haha. SAME BUS AS NICOLA. :))

went to macs and found marj! haha. and rong caleb kevin playing bridge with shane and some other guy. play and play the whole time lah. madness. got exam still play bridge. haiyo. haha. then IAN came. :)) and then sebas. haha. PIG. oh and kuolun was there also. he is totally black. like edwin and alvin. :D

after a long while, we went to school. :) saw/ talked to:

rong
kevin
caleb
marj
chaoyuan
caleb lim
ren
peiyu
sebas
shaun
alison
nicholas
nicola
pris
anna
joy
sharon
sophia
yvonne
charissa
xieai
huiru
jayce
tim wan
jem quek
janice
daniel
owen
johnny
emily
yingma
yayun
mdm kwan
ms carol
aini
sarah
pohxuan
yoda

i cannot remember already! but it was a lot of people i hadn't seen in ages. :)) YAY.

my music is boring me. i need new songs. SEBAS SEND ME. you got a lot of nice songs. haha. i think i listened to it until the batt went down quite a bit.

anyway. during the first paper i didn't do much. listened to music, wrote some stuff, tried to study DNA blah (but gave up), ate wanton mee and drank soursop ice. :D i missed soursop. :)

at first school felt really different. but after a while it felt like it was still the same. it's a weird feeling. haha. maybe it's different cos of the j1s. saw so many strange faces today. i don't have juniors. called loyi for a while and he complained about my hair. then went back to the second floor to wait for the paper to be over. found huiru! :)) talked a bit, then we both went into the hall to find xieai to arrange to go to sentosa on thurs. :))))) don't feel so pangseh-ed now. okay i won't say anything until after it actually happens.

the first thing that everyone said was that i was so WHITE. :((((((((((((((( you cannot imagine okay. i've been tan all my life. now i am WHITE. UGH. :(((((((((((( <- that's an understatement.

the break was really short. oh they asked me which question i did. i said NINE. haha. so many people did nine lah.

kanesh miss-called me. so i called back. haha we talked a lot of nonsense. but it was entertaining while it lasted. juice. haha. talk until my handphone batt died. cut off halfway. SORRY KANESH. although he can't see this. hmm. :\ wednesday!

jean isn't taking BT2 either. am i going to get to see her at all? :(

and leanne and woonsoon are terminating their scholarships and leaving. :( we wrote notes on little pieces of paper for them. glad i was there so i could write.

ms carol said she thought she was seeing things when she saw me. aini said she thought she'd seen a ghost when she saw me because i was too white. JUST SHOOT ME. x
took 985 back with emily and johnny. and dinesh. haha. super packed. oh before that while waiting for the bus, i was standing in the sun. to try and tan. FUTILE EFFORT. ugh. and rong kept laughing lah.

walked home. they were fumigating the old peihwa school. couldn't breathe lah. but thankfully i was wearing my tie. haha. it always saves the day! :D

went to fetch mark and celeste from fairfield at 6.45pm. came back and talked to uncle whyequine and auntie siewhong and had dinner.

was supposed to have supper with sebas today. but (as usual) it's not happening. ha. tomorrow dinner...

tues- army's birthday, NSC apppointment at 1.10pm
wed- school? going out with kanesh, dinner with steph and auntie helen
thurs- SENTOSA with huiru and xieai :))
fri- nine?
sat- 4A?

it's almost time to grow wings again. sigh.

talked to that ian guy on msn last night. the fairsian one. haha. he wanted to go and have supper lah. we talked about being depressed. and about friendships and stuff. finally someone who knows how it feels. it's interesting to be able to talk so much to someone you hardly know.

WHERE IS NATT I NEED TO PASS HIM HIS KANGAROO BIRTHDAY BROCHURE.


sometimes i'd rather be in oblivion.


photos of the jogja trip [not exactly in order]

good food :)

house visit

finding medicine :D

praying for the orphanage

KEVIN!! :D

packing medicine. paracetamol i think. looks like some illegal drug thing lah.

dividing supplies into two. fen1 cai2 can3.

and we had the locals helping us too. :)

dino the dresser, not the stripper x\

i really liked this old lady and the little kid.

getting on with life

looking at an x-ray

physiotherapy

i have no idea why the wall says DUH

open-air living room

:)

dinner :) mmm

medicine! OBH, syrup panadol, hydrocortisone, metacloperamide, lozenges, piriton, vit C, vit B complex, iron, gentamycin, chloremphenicol, natrium diclophenak, centrimide.. (they're probably all spelt wrongly or something)

childrens' ministry :)

i thought this was really funny xD

the whole team. :) loveJAVA team2.
dino, daddy, uncle henry, ??, alan, victor, jason, jeanny, auntie agnes, army, me.

me, army, auntie agnes at the green house

the big man who wanted to take a photo with me :\

the old lady who taught us dingklong which caused us so much laughter

the people staying in the green house

the cow that kept staring at me.

skinnier and smaller than those in melbourne.

daddy army me in front of mt merapi

dormant volcanoes from the plane :)

supposedly in front of mt merapi. bet you can't see it.

chendol

dingklong

actually i think i have a lot to catch up with on peoples' blogs. but i'm feeling too lazy. or maybe just tired. anyway, i'll blog about the trip! :) photos, maybe later. but there are too many, i won't know how to choose.


21june wednesday

got up early (can't really remember what time it was) and packed all the last-minute stuff, then opi sent us to the airport. we were the first 3 team members there, which was about right, since my dad was the team leader. met johnston (the guy sort of organising and coordinating everything) and then a few others came. met dino and victor, then auntie agnes and uncle henry came, then alan. and we all checked in. rev michael teh and lawrence and aikhoon were there too. then they prayed for us and we went in. 15 mins before departure or something like that. haha reminds me of my flight to melb.

so we flew there blah blah the flight was really quite boring. OH we saw the durai guy! the nkf golden tap guy haha. he was on the same flight as us. sitting in the last row of economy seats. :D my dad wanted to go and talk to him about fundraising haha. :D

oh we had to transit at jakarta. and the plane was delayed. so we hung around and ate rotiboy. haha. and there was this redcross team going to jogja also, but around mount merapi that side. so some if us talked to them.. and one of them was daddy's patients. ha.

by the time we got there it was 3+pm (their time. jogja is 1hour behind singapore), so we didn't go to any villages to do clinics. went to shop around mal malioboro (malioboro mall). but the stuff there is like.. every other stall sells the same thing. and it's all stuff i wouldn't want to buy. so i kinda just tagged along.. and then we had dinner in the mall. food was alright.. but compared to the other food we ate there, it was nothing. haha.

then we went back to the hotel and showered, then had debrief, which wasn't much, since we hadn't done anything. OH the hotel room. it's really quite horrendous. like the lights are so dim you could go blind or something. and the SHOWER. there was the shower thing, but we discovered that it couldn't be used. so we had to fill the thing with water and use something to splash it over ourselves. exactly like showering in ayer tawar last time in mama and gonggong's old house. and there was no hot water. ha but it wasn't as cold as chiangrai lah. :p

oh then we learnt a bit of bahasa indonesia/ javanese also. haha. and how to read prescriptions etc etc.

okay then sleep.

OH THE TEAM MEMBERS. :)

daddy
army
me
dino (he's 25 and he was a monk only last year. he has a great testimony to share, plus he's funny and he can speak a bit of bahasa. well at least, enough to dispense medicine. oh and he knows who mr tan the pe teacher is! ahaha)
alan (he's quite easy to work with.. but i didn't really talk to him much.)
victor (the other doctor on the team. very very funny guy. haha. he has some hilarious A&E stories too :D)
auntie agnes (chari's mum. she laughs a lot a lot a lot. :D)
uncle henry (chari's dad. he can be funny too. haha)
jason (he's stationed in jogja for a month or so. that means he's always working. i'm amazed at how he can keep doing this for such a long time.)
jeanny (our local team member. she stays in jakarta, but studied in jogja for 4 years, so she knows the language. plus, she's an insider. and she knows a lot a lot)


22june thursday

woke up at about 6+am and had devotion at 7.30am. uncle henry and dino led. to be completely honest, devotions scare me. but i won't elaborate on that. not here anyway.

had breakfast. nasi champol or something like that. not bad. :p then we set off for some village somewhere (i don't really know where or what it's called.) oh half of us went to the apotek (pharmacy) to get more medicine first. then we went to set up the clinic in some tent by the roadside. i kind of helped to find the medicine and passed it to dino to dispense.

working was really quite fun. oh my 'job' in the team was actually supposed to be photographer. so i took quite a lot of photos. but i don't have many photos of myself. jeanny helped me take some on the second day, but she used victor's camera (those super pro kind).

the villagers provided lunch for us. :) rice and some tasty soup dish and papaya. haha. it was good. then we continued to work. and towards the end, daddy and army rode a motorbike to do a house visit. :D but army took my cam, so i don't have a photo of that.

then at about 4pm (i think) we packed up and prayed, then went back to the hotel. showered, then went out for dinner. the food was not bad also.. and each meal cost about S$4. then went back to the hotel and divided the medicine into two boxes and had debrief. and then slept.


23june friday

we split teams. victor, alan, dino, jeanny, me. daddy, army, auntie agnes, uncle henry, jason. did the same stuff in the morning, then my team went to kiringan (the village beside the mountain ranges), while the other team went to dlingo (which is in the mountains itself).

we set up the clinic under a big tent, and there were already a lot of people waiting for us. and when we tried to get the medicine for the first prescription (and here i must add that i was quite thankful for being in victor's team cos his handwriting is actually legible. for daddy's handwriting, i can't tell 'tds' from 'bd' or 'qds' or 'OM' from 'ON'), we discovered that there was no paracetamol lah. like omg how can you not have paracet? so we had to send alan to get some from the nearest pharmacy. and some natrium diclofenak too. i'm not sure how it's spelt. but anyway.

kiringan was really badly affected by the quake. like practically every building had collapsed. and a lot of people had like walls falling onto them and stuff like that. quite scary. :\ but a picture paints a thousand words. so, later.

most of the patients were those that didn't really need serious help. like people who had cough, needed vit C or B complex etc. but there were a few who couldn't walk. like one lady was paralysed waist-down (i think). and there was this old man who had fractured his leg, and there was an open wound cos they couldn't close the wound cos they had to use some metal things to hold the bone in place. there was some infection or something. and dino washed the wound (he was a field medic).

then after the clinic, we went on 2 house visits. the first guy, the wall fell on his back while he was trying to get out the door. and he was paralysed waist-down too. plus he had a really bad bedsore on his back cos he hadn't been turned. so dr victor gave the medication etc and then jeanny prayed for them. actually most people are really happy when you offer to pray for them. and they end up crying.

in the other house visit, the cases weren't really that serious. but walking around the village let us see the extent of the damage. there were open-air living rooms and there was this one house with quite nice marble flooring. and that was all that was left. all the walls had collapsed, but the floor was still intact. and there was this one toy in the middle of the floor.

after we were done with the house visits, we went back to the vehicle. and the kids were playing in the tent that we'd used for our clinic. it's quite amazing to see children still playing and laughing so happily even after everything that had happened, i think. anyway we took a photo with them before we left. :) and when we had just left, the other team was already in the hotel lah. slackers. haha.

oh but we had chicken rice for lunch. :) which is nicer than the other team's rice and veg.

so we went back and showered, had dinner with pak sikit (our local church partner) and then had debrief. then slept.


24june saturday

we were supposed to do half day of clinic on saturday, cos victor and alan had to leave early. so we did all the usual stuff, then went to some other village.

the driver's sister opened her house for us to use as our clinic. i found the medicine and dino/auntie agnes dispensed. then halfway auntie agnes went to do childrens' ministry outside. singing songs and all. :) then army went to tes tensi (test blood pressure) and i had to find all the medicine. and we were running low on some stuff like OBH (cough syrup) so we gave salbutamol in the end. but actually i think the efffect is totally different. ha. salbutamol is ventolin lah.

anyway. after a while daddy and jason came to take over victor and alan. worked some more, then stopped for lunch. rice and catfish and some veg thing. catfish is nice. :) then we saw a few more patients. and learnt some new vocab. 'pakirr' and 'dingklong' both mean 'pain' in some javanese dialect. haha. my dad told the lady that after taking the medicine, she could leap like a frog. she was like 70. haha. and everyone was laughing for the longest time about dingklong. because it isn't really a word. they just kind of invent their own words to suit their purposes. haha. AND THEN. this guy (dino called him 'the big man' because he's really fat) wanted to take photo with me lah. so traumatising. haha.

then we went to do a house visit. they had 2 cows! haha i told dino that one kept staring at me, then dino said: maybe he wants to take a photo with you. -.-" anyway. one girl (her name's vani) asked me for my name. then they all started looking at my tag. haha.

then we went to some pian1 pi4 place to supposedly to take a photo of mount merapi. but it was kind of cloudy, so we couldn't really see anything. took photos anyway. then the driver (pak ari) sent us to the malioboro area to shop again. quite boring. haha.

went back to the hotel to dump our medical supplies, then had dinner at suharti's. it's a restaurant with very very very nice fried chicken. affectionately known as 'the fried chicken place'. haha. the food was really good. despite my 3 ulcers. haha. but the suharti woman is really weird. she has to have her photo everywhere. from huge framed pictures on the wall to the plates to the cover of the menus. haha.

then we drove to some really really pian1 pi4 place to see mount merapi. it was really dark everywhere. but when we got close enough, it was really amazing. cos there was lava flowing down one side of it. and the sky was also also amazing. there were millions and millions of stars lah. i've never seen anything like it. i think all our cameras weren't powerful enough though. :((( we were all remembering victor's super pro camera. haha. then we kept saying 'okay lah let's go already' but we kept standing there in awe of the whole thing. haha but in the end we had to go.

went back to the hotel to shower, then we heard the monk's story! i'm still amazed at how dino's life has changed. but i can't exactly share his testimony here. so.. haha. anyway it included one hundred thousand frustrations (prostrations) and the weird sickness. and it happened such a short time ago. like only last year lah.

and then we had the last debrief. and slept. was quite tired by then. oh, packed too.


25june sunday

got up at 4.45am and blah blah packed and everything. left the hotel at 5.30am and cabbed to the airport. cabbing is really cheap in jogja. haha. had devotion in the waiting area, then boarded the plane and had very interrupted sleep cos of the food and everything. took some nice photos of dormant volcanoes from the plane haha. but there's reflection cos of the window.

had the lastest debrief in BK in the airport, then johnston transferred our photos to his comp. then we handed over the 'baton' to the next team (which flew off at 2pm today).

was quite disappointed cos it was raining and we couldn't go to sentosa. plus the whole pangseh thing. ha. but it was okay in the end cos i still got to see everyone, at least.

went home and showered, then daddy sent me to church to meet the rest while they practised for youth sunday next week. :) sat in army's car for the first time since i got back.

went to pasta ps for lunch. but i didn't really eat much. ulcer + not hungry = don't eat. quite logical. took neos, then walked around a bit, then went home.


hmm on the whole, the trip was really good. and my team members were really a blessing i think. all funny people. haha. we laughed a lot a lot. and i learnt a lot from everyone too. :)



okay anyway. there are so many tags lah haha. people are so weird. and if loyi tagged i'm sure he wouldn't put loyi as his name lah. dodohead. haha.

and thanks sebas for blogging. :D hmm some parts are not true. don't worry renana! haha. i do enjoy hanging out with church people. sebas is just being bitchy (that's his usual self). haha. and about being depressed.. i guess sometimes it's just difficult. not to be. but the more emo posts usually don't find their way onto my blog lah. they're somewhere else on my comp. ha. being away from family and friends.. probably only jason would understand how that feels. and he isn't even away from his family. about feeling left out, maybe he wouldn't even feel it as much. because he has good friends there. and when he came back last year, everyday was packed with going out and spending time with friends. when i came back, everyone was studying. it's different. but of course i don't blame you all lah. who on earth would? BT2! heh. but still. quite sad lah. sometimes i almost wished i didn't come back. maybe it would have been easier to get on with life in melb if i hadn't come back. more so because i know what i'm missing. it's all fresh in my mind.

yup. been through quite a few turbulent days here in singapore since i came back. much worse than in melb. sorry if some of my entries are scary. sometimes i just need somewhere to let it out. if i don't maybe i'll like break down or something. even so, i really don't know how i'm going to be able to get used to life in melb again.

and yeah, i am really happy when i'm with nine. most of the time lah. except for a few times when it feels like being behind some stupid glass wall. i miss my old life a lot. it's something i can't really help. because i see what i had then and what i have now and everything's completely different. but still i enjoy every moment spent with you all.

okay enough about all that. ha. don't think i've ever been this frank in my blog, ever. maybe after this i'll go read blogs. ha.


actually it's really a lot like looking at your old life through a glass window. you're not really a part of it. you're just like a spectator ion. it's sad, but you know there's a reason why you're not part of it anymore. it's just that sometimes it's more sad than usual. and you don't really know the reason, either.

i really really really didn't want to come home tonight. stupid 171.

today is probably one of the better days of june. i'm leaving tomorrow morning, and when i get back, blocks start. well there's still thursday, friday and saturday.

thinking about tomorrow, i realised that i'm not in the least bit prepared for it. i don't know what's going to happen. i haven't packed. it scares me. but the thought of going back to aust scares me more.

thanks to ashley, ren, rong, peiyu, kevin, sebas, caleb for making today happy! :)

jason don't be envious! hahaha i know your secret! and we'll share dec hols and that will be much better. like yours last year. because coming back in the middle of the year is really a dodohead time to come back.

and i have no idea how i'm going to be able to go back to aust when july comes. everything is fresh from memory. and even looking at your life from behind a wall is better than trying to look at your life (okay though it isn't yours anymore) but not being able to see anything. not that you'd know how that feels.

on the surface, nothing much has changed. was just thinking about how everything is really quite on the surface. there is so much below, but it doesn't surface at times like these. long-distance friendships are difficult to maintain. much less relationships.

forgot to bring my ipod cable back from aust, so smart huh. can't even borrow celeste's since she's asleep and i don't know where she keeps it. so, let's survive without music for a few days, shall we?

shower, pack, sleep.
PRAY.
loveJAVA. jogjogjogjog-yogyakarta.


chinese songs and smoke from someone else's cigarettes blowing through your open window

talked to kevin and sebas for a long time. kevin was either playing his game or studying homeostasis, sebas was bitching/ being despo. he wants a good-looking best friend. otherwise he'll die. oh and someone answered his girlfriend ad. ahaha.

quite tired now. i think when i went to melbourne, i forgot what it felt like to be exhausted.

still don't quite know what's happening tomorrow. but i'll be meeting ashley for lunch, then meet ren to watch movie or something.. then meet rong peiyu kevin sebas caleb to shop etc etc. :)

kanesh called just now! :DDD so unexpected.

and caleb is backkkkk haha. i msged him without telling him who i was.

things usually aren't what they seem. like just because you don't say it doesn't mean you don't feel it. and just because you don't say it doesn't mean it's not real. so many things are left unsaid. too many things, maybe. hurr but what does it matter, since they're just gonna remain unsaid anyway.


and maybe this life is-

watched tv. reminded me of how much i miss channel8 dramas.
filled in UWA and adelaide application forms. gonna send them tomorrow.
walked church and wyn. wyn is a very walkable dog. she won't push or pull. church is itching all over and he's on medication. :it isn't at all difficult to revert back to an old habit.
i was this person here, so when i come back, this is who i am again.
who knows who i am when i'm away?

so, what's happening tomorrow?


thankfully, today was not a bad day.

went to school, reached at around 11+. and thanks to rong's directions, i managed to find my way to the AVA. waited until they finished their chem thing, then went in. rong ren kev johnny! :) haha. then i said hi to mdm lee.

kevin (points to me): mdm lee!
mdm lee: fawn! fawn, right? why, you trying to test my memory ah? okay wait can rewind and try again?
...she asks all the usual questions...
mdm lee: you want a copy of the exam paper?

haha. well i am remembered by one teacher. hmm.

met sarah too. :) her face was like bei4 che1 zhuang4. haha. talked a bit. then sarah and johnny had consultation. walked towards the gate, then met emily also. :) haha she wasn't surprised at all lah. and she said i was fair. :(( then kevin was trying to give her directions to tampines. but he was so vague, so i think she gave up in the end.

went to macs and ate mcwings. :D again lah. haha. saw jeremy ong (stanley ong's son). and tim wan! haha his reaction was quite funny when he saw me. :D

then after that sent kevin to the bus stop and took mrt to dhoby with rong. then i went orchard to meet army. went to tiffany & co. to alter opi's bracelet, then walked around taka and isaac got some toy. then i went to cut hair. where jean cut hers. :p haha. it's too short though.

army celeste and isaac went back first, then i walked around for a while longer. got some stuff. :) then took 171 home from somerset.

thought about how i can't walk past anywhere without thinking about what happened there before. unless it's like those little insignificant things. but at certain times, even these little things become significant. maybe like now.

i got a screen protector for my phone. :)

looking forward to lunch with kor, but worried about what's happening after that. and i'm leaving the day after tomorrow.


a lot has changed. don't think it hasn't.

went to fairfield today. just to get copies of my O level cert signed. e lim wasn't there at first, but she arrived as we were leaving. and since my mum is now so pally with her, we stopped to talk for a while. my mum asked her if she remembered me, and she said 'oh of course!'. please lah. she's never talked to me before in my life. or hers.

might be dropping by school later to say hi.. if it stops raining.

dimple was trying to organise some outing today. with cheryl heather and me. but i'm not sure if it's on. not that i can go anyway.

can't get my new comp in time, so.. well, too bad.

thanks, loyi.


one day in singapore is three times as hard to go through as one day in melbourne.


jiayou for chem! :)


'cause here i go again-

i'm feeling both happy and sad. hmm. maybe i need to renovate my mind. okay definitely.

went to macs for breakfast. didn't eat because i was already full from milk amd juice (nothing has changed). i thought service was at 9.15. okay if i'd thought about it i'd have remembered that it was 9.30. but anyway. met a lot of people. everyone asked the usual questions.

sermon was on romans 12:1-2. renovation of the mind. we talked about the rest of romans 12 in cell yesterday too. and it felt good to be in church. rev. michael teh told us a story about this guy who had been sentenced to death. he was tied up, blindfolded, and put next to a tap. then his wrist was slit slightly, just enough to bleed a little. and the tap was turned on to give a dripping sound. and in a while, the guy was dead. the mind is a very powerful thing.

after service, hung around with amy and sus and enjoyed the sun while trying to decide where to go. our usual sunday practice (nothing has changed). then in the end we went to kongpeng to get drinks, then took the mrt to dhoby. my first time in an mrt since i got back. had lunch at ljs in ps, then walked around and took neos. :) missed hanging out with these people. too bad chari wasn't there though. :(

then amy had to go. so sus and i walked around. and i got a pair of purple star studs from 77th street. :) then sus had to go too. so i walked to heeren to meet liwei.

i can't really remember the order of the buildings in town anymore. or maybe i'm just too lazy to recall. and i'm too lazy to calculate how long it takes to go from somewhere to somewhere else. but at least i know the general direction. haha. although i was quite confused about which shops are in where. :\ and daniel yam has outdated dresses (from when we tried them on in nov/dec).

went around looking at watches with liwei. not all that nice. haha. but alright lah. didn't get anything else.

maybe it's just me, but i think town has changed. it feels different from last time. i don't really know why.

going out for father's day dinner in a while. then daddy wants to come back in time for the 9pm match. but other than tv, there isn't much to do at home at night.

went to see the lenovo comp. it's smaller than mine i think. with a built-in camera. and a fingerprint thing. haha. quite cool i guess.

tomorrow is looking dreary.

and i have eczema on my fingers. dermasol.

i have nine days left in singapore. actually i'm having mixed feelings about it. completely different from what i expected. because you can't change anything.


because tomorrow might be good for something

today has been a good day. :) even though i didn't swim. haha.

went to btp for lunch. pizzahut. :) and we saw chen liping's husband. and their son. apparently chen liping is in malaysia filming something with megan (the home run girl who's now a fairsian :D).

then went to the spectacle shop to make new specs. :) found a pair that army and celeste thought was nice. but i got another pair. haha. then army sent me to some bus stop and i took 985 to church/school. the bus driver was quite irritating. drive so slow.

called peiyu. :) then walked through SAS and went towards the gallery. saw gail at the SAS canteen! :D YAY. haha. talked a bit then continued walking towards the gallery. but then the gate was locked. :( so i had to walk around and go by the side gate. peiyu met me halfway. :) and she gave me a famine camp tee! :D haha cos as a facilitator, she got 2 tees, even though she didn't pay anything. haha.

so she brought me to sebas' locker. he is so weird lah. i asked him 'do i know where your locker is?' then he said 'same place' or something like that. like how on earth will i know right. i wasn't even there. but good thing peiyu knew. and her GP file was inside lah. haha. like how we all dumped our stuff in his locker last year. :D

then we walked around school.. she brought me to see the cafe and the thing beside popular that sells weird food. haha. and then we went up to the homeroom to see the noticeboards. i want to go in and rip all the photos out OKAY. ugh. bow embarrassing. :\ and i actually forgot that our homeroom was on the third floor! i mean. i would've figured it out, but i just couldn't remember off hand. then she brought me to see her new bag. nice. :)

then she walked me back to SAS and to the toilet. :p and she went in for worship also. :) THANKS SIS. <3 thanks for the shirt and everything else. was so happy to see you today! and though you can't see this today, i'm blogging earlyish. :D

didn't get to see xieai though. :(

had service. it felt good to be there. will not elaborate. hmmm. oh SUSANNA IS BACK. :D and liwei and shaobin were there too. haha. joined my old cell. it's really almost the same.

went home for dinner. food was not bad (because i requested a lot of it hahaha) but very oily. so after that i felt so UGH. full of oil. yucks.

showered, then went upstairs to watch tv. some weird zoe tay show, then chinese true files. actually i don't know why i watched it. because i can never fully understand what they say. and there aren't any subtitles. today's was quite irritating also. like when they showed the re-enactment of the court scene, all the people there were like malay/indian. and of course they dubbed it in chinese. so it looked ridiculous. and daddy said they all looked 'goondusamy'. which was really true.

when is kanesh coming backkkkkkk. :(

oh then i talked to loyi on msn lah. he is like so weird. haha. and he cut his hair! but he doesn't look like jaychou also. :D

tomorrow i'm going to TOWN. YAY. :D

to sebas: i give up.

to diana: haha. angry for what.. sigh. i doubt i'll be able to tan properly before going back. when i come back at the end of the year i'm gonna be even whiter! :((

my eye itches. and my nose is blocked. this is so singapore.

just called loyi lah. waste my money only. actually i think in some ways it's better to use a prepaid. then you can like know how much it costs to call where. and i totally don't know how to use the new home phone. how irritating.

it's really quite boring here at night if you don't go out or call anyone.


hmmmm sometimes i just don't know what to think. but ashley is right. i should be happy in singapore. plenty of time to be unhappy in melbourne.

BUT! sometimes in melbourne it could be happier too. in the blissful ignorance of what's happening here. because people are so far away. either way. i think it's better than being so near yet so far.

decided not to swim today. just didn't feel like. i'd rather swim in sentosa or somewhere else. i just don't like swimming opposite.

going to pizzahut for lunch today. then make specs. then church. i don't really know what to think. i don't know what i'm going to do. i don't know what to say. and everyone isn't here. and of course there is stuff i'd rather not say.

and i'm not paragraphing properly today. but still cranky. so who cares.

HAPPY.

to my DEAR yurong (hahaha): yes i have wings. haven't you seen them?

to kevin: haha okay! :) breakfast on wed.. fri probably can also. i think.

to diana: i haven't tanned okay. GO SENTOSA WITH ME SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE BLOCK/COMMON TEST! :D

to the frog: you try these sweets lah. really melt in your mouth okay. your revenge is like so lousy lah.

xieai and huiru both have their last papers on thursday. :) BUT friday is piece-by-piece day. i don't know when they want to go out.

okay going to have breakfast now. peanutbutter bread.


17 june sat- swim + church
18 june sun- shopping? + church and wyn coming over (:
19 june mon- shopping?
20 june tues- get autograph book from edwin, lunch with ashley, she's the man with ren
21 june wed- fly away
25 june sun- fly back
26 june mon- BT2
27 june tues-
28 june wed-
29 june thurs- towning with huiru
30 june fri-
1 july sat- fly away

there just isn't enough time. but then- there never is.

unkept promises- what junk. gahhs.


okay too lazy to put photos up. tomorrow, maybe.

went to aunty joy's house for dinner. the food was alright i guess. homecooked. hmmm. but other than eating, didn't do much. just sat around. and looked at baby photos. i'm not close to any of my cousins at all. it might help if they were around my age. sigh.

on the other hand, things between my siblings and i are just about the same as before i left. i guess that's okay. we've never been really close. maybe we're all just too sarcastic.

if you can tell, tonight hasn't been all that.. well okay nevermind. i'm tired and sticky again, it irritates me. a lot. feeling cranky. sigh.

got my 'new' number. daddy agreed to let me use his spare. thanks daddy :)

if believing only allows for disappointments, would you still believe? sometimes i wonder. and i think she's right.


i hate:
- having ants everywhere
- feeling sticky and uncomfortable all the time
- knowing that people are so near yet so far
- feeling that i'm completely out of touch
- the s'pore education system
- not having my old number


a banana a day keeps the doctor away

today was hmm. quite a funny day. haha.

went to kap. the rongs were there.. then yurong kept complaining about how hungry she was. but we waited for may. :) then we went down to cold storage and they got sushi. i'm actually quite sick of sushi since i ate it a lot in melbourne. and now at home also got lah.. i saw the bananas there! 16cents! i was like OHMYGOSH SIXTEEN CENTS LAH. i'm sorry, but it's still up to $12 in melbourne. and then there was yurong's fettish about corn dogs.

went back to macs and bought food. mcwings! :D my goodness. so much nicer than the pepper drumlets lah. haha. then we ate.. yurong and may both got happy meals. haha. may got a hello kitty thing and yurong got a weird muscular squirrel. it became the talk of the table.

i got bored.. because they were all mugging. kinda. and i didn't know how to do any of the math. haha. because it's all integration by parts.. and i don't need to know that in foundation. :D and i don't really want to know it because i know that i won't need to use it in the future. there are always computers, please. so i went over to btp. :) got a toothbrush and conditioner, then went to popular to get a math set for rong. using yurong's popular card. haha.

when i got back, diana was there! :p downstairs buying food. so i went down to see her. :D haha. the first thing she said was that i'd become so white lah. :(( she kept asking me to tan. hai. anyway then she let out the secret! haha. by asking me if they'd given me anything. :D

then we went up. and they gave me a banana! haha. photos later. because blogger won't let me post photos now, dunno why. and roses! :D hahaha. so funny lah. and then diana was so fascinated by the muscular squirrel. she kept winding it up and then doing the same action as it! super funny lah. :D haha put on youtube! :D haha she'll just kill me.

and she asked me to do one physics question also. but i haven't learnt thermodynamics! and it's PHYSICS! :\ so i couldn't do. haha. today really didn't feel like mugging. brought bio, but in the end didn't mug also. haha. told rong that someone finished studying one set of bio notes in like 5 mins. :D haha.

then yurong left at 4+. just before that, we took a group shot! :) YAY. haha. with the banana peel (i'd eaten it already) and roses and everything. haha. :D then i slacked around some more.. then army picked me up at 5.

went to fairfield to pick celeste first. then went to ginza plaza, supposedly to make specs. but in the end, the spectacle shop wasn't open! :( so i have to wait until tomorrow. haha. okay not much longer lah. so we went to buy snacks. sweets that melt in your mouth. :D haven't eaten those in a long while. haha. then we went home.

and i still haven't seen mark.

i'm gonna use daddy's spare number i think.

i am feeling really sticky. i hate the feeling really. and it's like no one else is feeling it. haha in macs everyone was wearing jackets (except diana, who was so cold that she couldn't write properly), and they were all saying it was so cold. but it wasn't, really. haha. i miss wearing a t-shirt and shorts. really really a lot.

i want to swim tomorrow! really hope i can. and hope it won't rain and it'll be sunny! because i desperately need to tan. i look so white and eeeee now. :(( really lah. like a shadow of what i was before. sigh. SWIM.

going to aunty joy's house for dinner in a bit.

army's making egg tarts! :D i think. mmm. and aunty shanti is going to cook all my fave foods. :D hahaha.


photos from last night :)

okay a few points to note:
- sebas keeps trying to act seh but no one cares (as you can see)
- okay i am secretly happy that they took photo of my shoe
- the blur photos were all taken with sebas' camera
- the clear photos were all taken with my camera
- sebas is seriously unglam
- i don't have any photos of ren :((

sebas blogged! in my blog! miracle. haha. but i think he didn't change the time. because i don't think he could've survived until 4+. haha.

okay now i am quite freaked out. because if i lost my handphone pouch, that means i must've lost my aust sim card too. :\ and that one has $98 in it! :(( sigh.

hmm. things i missed about home without even realising it:
- running up the steps in twos
- checking to see that bubbles and tortoise are alive
- sitting in jib's room (the room has totally changed now)
- the leaky ceiling in jib's room
- reading life! and home while having breakfast
- simply throwing my clothes into the laundry basket without having to care about anything

woke up at 8+ singapore time. that is like super early lah. and when i opened the door, i was hit by a wall of heat. literally. peiling's right, it takes extra effort to breathe in.

ian never reply my msg lah. haha maybe he's still asleep. or maybe it's the WRONG NUMBER. he's so weird lah. give me the number like that and expect me to decipher. there are so many different combis!

just read someone's blog and got irritated again! i think i should stop reading. since i always get irritated by people's irrational thinking. of course that doesn't mean i don't think irrationally. in fact i think i do a lot of the time. but anyway that's not the point. people didn't tell you something, and when you found out, you were shocked and hurt, then when they tell you everything else, you say you don't want to know. like please lah. you think they want it to be like that meh. rahhhhh. stupid stupid.

anyway i am feeling so darn sticky. i almost hate singapore weather! but not really though. hmm.

rong and yurong are at kap i think. and diana's going later. and may maybe also. i want to go.. but i don't know what to do if i go there. so it's like.. a bit weird. scared i go there then very bored. haha. then i will go across to btp and go popular and ntuc. provided someone has a popular card. cos mine expired at the beginning of the year. haha.

i miss developing photos at btp too.

dinner at aunty joy's house tonight. hopefully she'll still have my 'welcome back fawn' poster haha. yes i liked it. loved it. :D

i have no idea what i'm doing tomorrow. nothing, probably. hmm. oh supposed to go to btp with amy before service.

and sunday going out. :) monday also. :)

okay i need to go to kap soon. to 'teach' yurong integration and osmoregulation. SIAO LAH. as if i know how to do lah. sigh. but i'll just go anyway. for fun. :D

my comp is overheating too. it never got so hot in melb. it must be singapore's weather.


sweetsingapore
(haha now i'm blogging in singapore time. :D)

hmmm okay i'm going to screw up my biological clock even more by blogging first. then shower, then finally, sleep. because i know that if i shower first (which would be ideal, since i'm feeling so sticky now), i'll just end up perspiring again and being sweaty when i sleep. ugh.

a HUGE THANKYOU to everyone who went to the airport, i really really really appreciate you guys taking the time off studying.. especially since all of you are so tight for time. THANKS. :) even though you all were late and i didn't get to see the sign (like jason and kevin hahaha). at least it didn't give me a heart attack. and it gave me time to like cool down. in case i freaked out. haha.

anyway. this morning was a mad rush. because i was supposed to go to vic mart with loyi. then he overslept and didn't reply my sms or call. so i went myself. to get strawberries for isaac. haha. then i came back and started doing stuff like packing and washing dishes and throwing the trash and removing my bedsheet and pillowcase etc. then at 11.50am loyi asked me to accompany him to vic mart cos he had no one else to go with him. so we ran there. and ran around trying to find the nougat place. and i talked to his friend while he withdrew money. she said i could slap his face if he bullied me. :D then we ran all the way back to hostel. it was the first time i actually ran there. and the first time i (kind of) perspired. :D

then hurriedly packed my comp and everything else. and panicked cos i thought i lost the luggage key. for the lock. anyway then loyi walked me to nomads industry to wait for the shuttle for the skybus. it was late lah. haiyo. then loyi helped me to put my luggage onto the bus haha.

then when we reached the skybus terminal, some other guy (later i found out that he's singaporean too) helped me bring it down. :D then i bought the ticket ($15) and boarded the bus. then this guy (who was also in the shuttle) helped me put the bag in the luggage place. haha. and he helped me take it out also. :D

then when we were queuing to check in, i found that we were on the same flight. then he came to talk to me lah. and it was seriously quite freaky.

guy: "is your name fawn lim? and were you from 4A?"

my goodness. shock of my life. it turns out that he was from fairfield too! 4G. but quite a smart guy cos he got 9 for O's. and he was a councillor who went against the teachers. haha. and he wanted to go SA, but in the end went to trinity. and now he's in monash doing some weird thing.

then we went in to wait for the plane. and the other guy from the shuttle came and talked to us also. he came after NS. so apparently he's very old. and he's doing media and comm in melb uni. then he told us not to go in so early. cos there'll be a long queue blah blah. but the fairfield guy (later i remembered that he's called ian. ian lim.) and i were getting nervous. the other uni guy said it was typical of singaporeans. haha. herd instinct. then we boarded. all sitting at different places..

the flight was alright. was seated in between two aussie guys. the guy in the window seat kept jumping out to go to the toilet lah. and jumping back in. quite scary. like going to hit my head lah. anyway the food was not bad. except for the 'singapore-style hokkien fried noodles' was nothing like hokkien mee. such fakers lah. hmm. watched 'failure to launch' and 'the pink panther'. wanted to watch 'brokeback mountain' lah. but they cheated my feelings! don't have. :( so i watched stupid things on nickelodeon. like spongebob and drake and josh and other weird things lah.

then when we got down, i did all the usual things.. then cautiously walked out. cos actually i was super scared to see them there. thought i would freak out lah. but in the end they weren't even there lah. like how disappointing. :( haha but it's okay lah. i still love them all the same. :) then ian came out. and he gave me his number etched onto the salt-and-pepper thing from dinner lah. in roman numerals. haha. he is so weird. he said he recognised me from the moment i went up the shuttle bus! so freaky right. like some stalker. haha. then even weirder. when we went out, our mums were talking to each other lah. like ohmygosh. it turns out that his mum was in PIE too in fairfield. haha. small world. but actually it's a really good thing i met him. got someone to help me carry bag. and tell me what to do. otherwise flying alone is a scary experience.. well. okay maybe just lonely? haha.

hmm. then i saw ren! haha. and then everyone else. they came with 4 red balloons lah. and a 'welcome back fawn' sign which kevin drew all over the swensen's table (or so i heard). so paiseh lah. but i think not as paiseh as when kevin and jason came back. cos they were like jumping around last time. haha. then we stood around and talked a bit. and (as usual) took forever to decide where to go. then we went out and continued talking while army fetched aunty joy's car.

went to adam hawker. then we decided to go to macs instead. by that time, i was already dying of singapore's weather. it can seriously kill. don't ever try to adapt to such a humid place from winter. you will just melt. literally. sigh. anyway went to macs and ate the new pepper drumlets things. talked and cam-whored. not me lah. mainly peiyu and sebas. :D haha. and ren gave me a little book! which i haven't read! but i was like so touched when i saw that it was full of words. haha. ren! i <3 u! :)

then we all had to go home. walked to the bus stop with kevin. :) haha. talked about how white we become when we go overseas to study. and about how we totally cannot take the weather when we come back. like last time jason also. :D

it felt really weird taking the bus home (961). like so foreign. but it felt less foreign than sitting in aunty joy's car lah. i wish uncle whye quine hadn't taken army's car to malaysia. anyway. kevin was afraid that i wouldn't know where to stop lah. haha. like hello! it's my house! :D

had to unlock the gate. that's something i've always hated. like i don't mind being locked out the door, but being locked out the gate is something totally different. good thing i had my lizard keys. haha. first thing i did was to go say hi to bubbles. he remembers me. i'm sure of it. :) because he came bounding to the grille the moment i called him. :) yay! and after petting him etc, i went to see tortoise (my terrapin). he wasn't there! i thought he died. :( and i was really quite sad. because he's outlived goh (gohct) and lee (leeky). those were my dad's terrapins. they seemed to be on a perpetual diet. haha. yeah and i thought he'd never die. haha.

then after that i went up. said hi to opi and tata. :) YAY. missed them a lot. and complained about the weather. i think that's all i've been doing since i got back lah. complain about the weather. haha. but it's seriously a huge difference from melbourne. i miss melbourne's weather now! it's 10 degrees there now. that would be so much more comfortable than this. anytime. even though yuinharng says he's freezing. haha. the poor guy can't come back. he asked me to dabao all sorts of food back for him. :p

then went up to tell army that i was back. and say hi to daddy. he says i look very different. :p and then got stuff like moisturiser, conditioner, toothpaste, toothbrush.. i forgot to bring my toothbrush and toothpaste back lah. but it's okay. time to change anyway. :D then talked to opi and army for quite some time. and ate konniyaku jelly and drank apple juice. haha. oh and i found out that tortoise didn't die! i was so happy okay. army said he'd been promoted- to the big pond! haha. happy for him. :D (don't think i'm mad because i'm happy for a terrapin okay. i think he's about as old as bubbles! haha) maybe he was the one who made that splash when i reached home. :D

and peiyu called me! :) YAY. talked a bit. haha. she said she was so happy.. because she could call me and i'd answer. :) haha. i'm happy to have a singapore line too. :) BUT the one i'm using now is like some lousy spare lah. some top-up card. which is left with like $3+ in it. rahhh. even my aust prepaid has like $90+ in it okay. sigh.

and sebas sent me photos! :D up tomorrow, i hope. i'll try. i also have lots of unglam shots of him haha. :D and one unglam video of him and peiyu. but i still dunno how to put videos up. nevermind.

anyway. to everyone who went to the airport- rong ren peiyu kevin sebas. :) THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH! it made a memorable first night for me. :) it was great despite the humidity. and like peiyu (OKAY sebas) said- nothing much has changed. okay actually i think that's quite true. most of it is still the same. like peiyu and rong still the same randomness. and ren is still the same. and sebas is still singing and dancing parapara in the middle of nowhere. and kevin is also the same! haha. i missed everyone a lot. so tonight was great. :) THANKYOU. <3

okay i'm really dying now. of the heat, and perhaps cos i'm tired too. it's like almost 4am melbourne time. haha. i know it's just 2 hours' difference. but still.. haha. going to shower and then sleep. :) it feels great to be home. even though a lot of stuff at home has changed. i still love this place. :) and i love the aircon even more. xD


haha just talked to jason. :D because of peiyu's msn pm, he thought i was going back in 8 days.


woohoobabeh!! says:
say hi to them
i miss them so
fishtails- making her way back from mars says:
okay
:)
woohoobabeh!! says:
tell them to ring me
all nvr ring one wah lau
all forget me liao lor
fishtails- making her way back from mars says:
haha
woohoobabeh!! says:
: p
fishtails- making her way back from mars says:
they also never call me whatt
woohoobabeh!! says:
u can quote me to them lol


anyway i was supposed to go to vic mart at 9.30am. but that's when i woke up. and loyi never reply sms and never answer calls. hmmm aiyah don't care lah. i want to shower. then maybe go vic mart then pack. :) then sign out of hostel then go homeeeeee. :D


14halfhours

i'm so bored. rahhhhhhhhh. :( and tired. though i can't find a single reason for me to be tired. i hardly did anything today! :
tomorrow need to go to vic mart in the morning. to buy strawberries, and loyi wants to get something too. he said 8am lah. siao. i'll still be dreaming.. so in the end changed to 9.30am. i don't know how to choose strawberries. that's why i haven't bought any. later not sweet then how? and besides, winter isn't a very good time to buy fruits. they're expensive and not very good.

hmm. need to sign out of hostel also. and surrender my meal card. actually i want to cancel my meal plan lah. the food is horrible. and a lot of the time (okay more recently) i haven't been going down to eat. take today. i haven't even eaten dinner. but i'm not hungry. and there isn't much to eat.. or rather. i'm too lazy. not to cook, but to wash the dishes. for my own good.

hmmm. talked to joanne just now. :) she was like: fawn!! tomorrow is the 15th! :D haha. was telling her about how packing for this trip is nothing like packing for a holiday. because i'm not really going for a holiday holiday. i'm going home! haha. and there are just too many things to bring if i want it to feel normal. i don't want to feel like i'm on a holiday in my own house.

i can't wait to see bubbles! :D see how he's been doing without me. he's gonna be 6 soon! ohmygosh so old. haha.

dead tired. going to sleep.


i can't wait! :D hahahaha.

sfc is cancelled. :(( maybe postponed? but jem takes forever to reply.

and i can't bend my hand! sigh.

PACKED. kind of. i don't know how to bring my comp back though. but i know i can't not. bring it back. because i'm getting a new oneeee. :D haha. it'll be very troublesome to transfer all my stuff over though..

wanz is reaching singapore on 25june morning. that's around the same time i'm going to reach singapore from indo! hmm. and we're supposed to go out. heather wanz cheryl me. that's okay i guess. because everyone will be having exams anyway.

told nike i was going to jogjakarta, then she told me that you can eat rice + something for 10 cents. :D haha. that means you can eat 70+ meals there for each meal you eat in australia. haha. and she reminded me to buy her stabilo pens. i hope i don't forget. :
i'm scared i will forget to bring things back!

and it's really different from packing for a regular holiday. plus16+ days is really quite long. i hate being loaded with luggage.

and i still dunno how to bring my comp back. i don't want to bring the ugly computer bag backkkk. but i think daddy will kill me. ugh. howwww.


got back papers today! all except physics.

:D

i am quite happy with my results. YAY.

went to flagstaff to have lunch. sushi. i think i haven't eaten sushi for too long, it felt really weird eating it today. or maybe it's just me. being weird again. my last time at flagstaff for a while. i really love that place. it's beautiful in summer, beautiful in autumn, beautiful even in winter. and i can't wait for spring! :D

there were five people in english class today, how pathetic. but anyway all we did was get back our papers. it was alright i guess. no one got above 90%.

went back to hostel and realised that i had to do so many things today. like buy bubblegum (for ashley), bank in money (because army says it's not safe to keep it in the room. like what, she's gonna steal it?), arrange transport to the airport (i called them then they said cannot pick me up from somewhere near my hostel. then my mum called then they say can. like what the ____ WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM LAH. actually i'd much rather cab there. like so much easier. but it's also like 3x the price. sigh), UNI APPLICATIONS (because the deadline for UWA and adelaide is 30june. and i'll be in singapore then. but i can't fill the forms in myself. and mrs dawson said i need certified documents. so i dunno how. go back then see. and then send from singapore.), laundry (otherwise i'll have nothing to wear when i go back), and pack. my goodness.

oh and i am so dodoheaded that i went to get a bank cheque that i don't need! and no one told me! :\ hai. so i had to 'repurchase' it. so they'll put the money back in the bank. and that cost $10! plus the $5+ to get the bank cheque in the first place, that's more than $15 gone just like that. sigh. stupid stupid. this is what happens to me when i need to do things myself! like before i came here, the only times i went to the bank was to help my mum drop in a quick deposit cheque lah.

and i realised that my math is full of careless mistakes. okay maybe not full, exactly. but they are the reason why i got what i got! sigh. but it's okay. be contented with what i have. :D hee.

haven't looked through bio and chem. don't really want to, either. oh my chem add 1%. :D haha i dunno why also. and mrs richards is so weird lah. i wanted to get my paper back, so she asked me to go into the classroom while she was having mentor group. then i had to stand in front of the class while she rummaged around for my paper.. then finally, when she gave it to me, she said "good girl." i was like. ohmygosh lah. in front of the whole class. sigh.

oh, cheryl left this afternoon. same flight as me, but one day earlier. i can't seem to link the date and who's leaving, even though i know when people are leaving. it just doesn't click until they tell me. then i will be like oh no. mel and cheryl. heather not really.

i need to borrow celeste's ezlink.

oh and my finger is dying. when one part gets better, the other part gets worse. sigh. maybe it'll get better when it isn't so cold. then again, the specialist told me to stay out of the sun and not use hot water to shower. MAD AH. you try using cold water to shower in the winter lah. bleah.

okay CLOTHES.


to see the lights all faded-
while rong thinks about where the night lights look good.

went out shopping with annie. was supposed to really SHOP because today is such a happy day.

but. in the end didn't really get anything much haha. but still, it's okay. cos annie made mashed potato for us. :D BUT she added SOY SAUCE to mine. don't ask why. it's some ancient inside joke. sigh.

i can't stand people asking me to do them favours like this. like asking me to help them pass something to someone without telling them who it's from. like UGH please don't involve me thank you very much.

bought plasters! YAY. to save my finger. thank God for plasters. seriously.

another reason why today is such a happy day! haha but i won't say it here. :D

anyway loyi moved up. i think he was pissed with me because he miss-called me 6 times and nudged me on msn and i wasn't around to reply. or pick up. and all he wanted was for me to take my cherry-dunnowhat box lah. the easter egg box. then for goodness-knows-what he made me go up to the 6th floor. practically everything he does is to waste my time OKAY. cannot take it.

hmm what else. i might be getting a new lappy! :D haha. exchange with daddy. but i hope the screen isn't those ultra-reflective kind. like kairou's. haha. hers cannot see anything one lah. only your own reflection. haha it brings back memories of that pw day in chinese high. :D and many others in school, harbour macs, etc etc. mostly in school though.

i'm really lazy to bring everything back with me. like UGH. take up so much SPACE.

and they are organising something! after airport. hmmmmm. i hope it works out. really really. x)


delayed elation

haha come back to hostel already don't feel like going out anymore. <- okay that was so singlish. anyway.

GUESS WHAT!

exams are overrrrrrr!! :D ahahahahaha i could just scream. i am now the happiest person in the world! because:

1. exams are over :D
2. i am going home soon :DDD
3. physics wasn't too too bad (i think. but then i never really know how they'll turn out)
4. bio and chem were gooddddddd :D

BUT syahir still did better than me. hurr. by 2%! haha. p richards was like leaning towards me to tell me. and she memorised my mark lah ohmygosh. haha she said she knows how competitve we are (syahir and i) but actually it's just me. and he always laughs at me. ha.

oh, and the reason why i don't want to go out again is cos it is freezing. my fingers were being frozen while i walked back, especially since i called rong. haha. so my fingers were exposed. COLD. hmm actually it's not that cold. like 11 degrees. but i can't imagine what it'll be like in singapore. even though it has always been like that haha. since i haven't perspired since i got here. can hardly imagine the feeling of heat and humidity. because that doesn't exist here.

hmm. yiman was so upset that australia won japan. she said they kicked people. haha. it was quite funny seeing her get so worked up before the paper. :D

elva said i was very quiet. hmmm. i'm quite amazed that i actually smsed her first about physics. it's quite unlike me to like initiate anything. but i guess if i hadn't then nothing would have happened. because if you don't really know someone, you wouldn't -oops forgot to complete my sentence- just go up to them and ask them for help unless it was desperate. it would be much easier if that someone offered.

oh and peiyu says livejournal is user-friendly. haha i think blogger is more user-friendly! i have like livejournal xanga diaryland but i don't know how to use all haha. i just registered to see whether it's nicer to use than blogger. :D hmmm okay and the only blog(s) i actually have are blogspots.

caleb is in korea! haha. he blogged about weird people in the pool. :D super funny lah. like how on earth could so many weird people be concentrated in one pool? :D

and sorry rong for waking you up! although it was already like 10+am lah. haha okay fine it's the hols. :p

so, this was how everyone else was feeling last friday.


finger malfunction

ohmygosh! i just can't wait for tomorrow. as in, tomorrow after physics. :D the feeling is intensified because exams have dragged on for 11 days already. my brain can't take the pressure.

and neither can my fingers. finger malfunction. haven't been able to type properly the whole of today! :\ it's quite irritating.

helped elva with physics. think it's kind of weird cos we were in sharon's room. with omar. then it's like i've never even really talked to any of them before! but sharon's room is really nice. as in it's decorated really nicely. with posters and postcards etc etc all over the walls. :) nice! and omar offered me onion rings. :D he told me they weren't fattening. yeah right. but not like i care.

then went to loyi's room. and then struggled with stupid projectile motion. RAHHHH. talked about whether we will miss people when we go back. i was like duh ___.

i haven't done much today. i think tomorrow i'll just stare at the questions. 3 hours and 15 minutes of pure physics UGH. what a disgusting thought. but i can't wait for it to be over! :) *grins

so.. off to bed while everyone else is glued to the tv watching world cup. including aiksern and syahir.. grr.

OH! and i love chisel. :D haha. rong went nuts over him lah. he reminds me of the monkeys that steal my chocolate at home. except that he's one million times cuter. ha.


shinelikestarsintheuniverse

read gloria's blog entry about sfc camp, linked from nic's blog. :) i don't even know her. but i'm really glad she's in sfc. :) she's gonna be something big, soon.

and reading about camp made me remember stuff about last year's camp. i think a few games were reused.. like the bean picking thing. except that ours was on the muddy field and there were no beans at all. (theirs was on the gritty track, with beans). and the candle game. chaoyuan kept on blowing out my candle! and haha i always tried to blow out ian's candle. :D and he called me a big bully on my encouragement heart. :D but we didn't need to get rid of the wax cos it was on the field. :D haha poor j1s.

anyway. by demand of lee rong rong:

13 june- PHYSICS
14 june- get back papers
15 june- FLY AWAY
16 june- i don't know! and sfc at night. (:
17 june-
18 june-
19 june-
20 june-
21 june- fly to jogjakarta (: (10am)
22 june- jogjakarta
23 june- jogjakarta
24 june- jogjakarta
25 june- come back from jogjakarta (10am if no delays)
26 june- start of BT2 muahahaha xD
27 june- army's bday + nsc appointment at 1.10pm
28 june-
29 june-
30 june-
1 july- go back :( (evening/night)
2 july- last day of hols
3 july- school starts. rahhhhh

haha. in between i need to cut hair, make new specs, shop, visit places, spend time with friends etc.. i don't really know what i'm gonna do when. scared i'll end up not being able to do everything rahhhhhh. NO.

okay tata~


velvet road overkill
free your mind, let your heart sing
and just remember that they're only things

okay i give up on physics already. for today.

and all i did was.. go through physics notebook questions, redo test4 (circular motion, gravitation, structures and materials), and do like 49/61 questions of 2005 midyears. RAHHHH. cannot take it. wonder what i'm doing taking physics in the first place. gahhs.

i stopped taking antibiotics! actually i don't know how long i'm supposed to take them for. daddy didn't say. but my lower eyelid's not swollen anymore. aiyah don't care.

and i am not gonna wash the dishes tonight i don't care. i think my finger will die if i do.

actually i wish the queen's birthday would be some other time, then we would be having physics tomorrow, and i won't have to go crazy for another day.

oh no, feeling like i'm headed for a breakdown
and i don't know why
but i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell-

sigh.

it's coming soon. and it's my angel's birthday today. hmmm.

oh and mel went back already. the third lucky duck. and she's only coming back on the 4th! luckiest duck. rahh. but i guess i wouldn't want to miss school also..? :\ heh. heather and dilys are going back tomorrow (today). LUCKY DUCKS.

kevin says thursday is airport day. haha. actually you all shouldn't go. i'm scared ren's mum don't let her go out if she goes! even though her mum likes me hahaha. :D and i won't be able to spend much time with anyone on thursday also. better go out another day! stay home and study! muahahaha by that time my exams will be over and i will be another lucky duck! :D reminds me of the straits times duck race thingy. on the river. haha. got cert some more.

haha i am wrecking my mind trying to think of things to get. but actually there isn't much time also. because tomorrow is holiday (all the shops are closed. they are really slack here. they don't get the idea that when there's a holiday, people can go out and shop instead of working), and tuesday is physics, and wednesday there's school until 2+ and then on thursday.. :D ahahaha. YAY.

oh! some random thing. i cleaned the toilet today haha. i just like the look of a clean toilet. :D like so sparkly. especially the

okay going to sleep now. :) hopefully can go through all the other physics stuff soon. i doubt elva will find me anymore. haha. since i stay cooped up in this stupid room. hurr.

haha i watched the sesame street parody! okay i know i'm like spying on people's blogs. but it's funny. :D very retarded. and the sesame street song is like ONE MILLION TIMES nicer okay. haha.

sunny days, chasing the clouds away


lost for words.

feeling rather :( i don't quite know why.

thankfully, chris was on duty. i don't know what i'd have done if it was any of the other supervisors on duty. at least i can talk to chris. so i don't have to study in the dark. :) i hate darkness. i hate straining my eyes. and i can't even sleep in complete darkness. unless, of course, i'm dead tired.

anyway. after he changed the light bulb, he passed it to me and said 'happy birthday!'. hurr. okay. i was like, it's for me? but i didn't say it lah. ha. i think i tend to value things too much. i mean, things that have quite little value. like how i don't ever want to throw everything away. which explains why i still have notes from primary school etc.. but moments of our lives are captured in those little things, which is why i can't just throw them away. it's like throwing part of your (my) life away. like this light bulb. it died before the other one because we leave it on every night. because i can't sleep in darkness (i'm not sure about her. but i started doing it first, then i guess she just followed). and i'm not throwing it away. not yet, at least. after a while, though, i'll probably tell myself: it's just a stupid fused light bulb, for goodness' sake.

i'm gonna bring my khaodee album with me when i come back here. it's quite (actually, even very would be an understatement) sad that i don't have those photos anymore. the most important photos. i can't find the negatives (i think. i will need to go and look again when i go home) and i sent the originals to chiangrai. wonder if they even got there. wonder what it's like now.. whether the road's been completed, so they don't need to walk on the scary gravelly path up to the gate. whether they got their computers. whether goy got the money to do something to her house. whether they're still there, doing the same things they did when we were there.

it's time (yet again) to study. physics. sigh.

maybe it's just the physics.

tomorrow is the queen's birthday, banks are closed. you better go on tuesday or i will scream at you. i'm actually getting quite worried about uni apps. rahhhh. let's all not go to uni, shall we? thank you very much. i know i'm going mad already.

i miss that feeling. when i thought of going home. i'd be so happy. ask ashley. and i'd be talking non-stop. what happened?

sometimes, looking back, you just wonder if you've done the right thing. of course, it's too late to change the path you've taken, but you just wonder what it would be like if you'd taken a different path.