20051030
Lord, i'm falling deeper
in love with You
in love with You
here, here in Your presence
i choose to give
my life to You
You gave Your life
completely for me
paying the price
so i can be free
now is my time
to give it to You
i choose to be
devoted to You
i bring my gift
a heart of sacrifice
for You
i'm taking Your hand
i'll follow the feet
that once were
pierced for me
10:09 pm
20051028
and the news like just flies around. and the whole world is in the know. come on. i don't need this right now.
11:06 pm
hmmm. time for a long update i guess. couldn't blog yesterday cos there was something wrong with my comp. but i fixed it myself! today! haha. yays.
anyway. hmm. slept at around 1am this morning, was constantly called by my grand-aunt [gu-zeh]. for every little thing. opi told me to lock my door. but the plan was foiled cos army went to find me. cos i was still on the phone. but hey, i needed it okay. and sebas wrote this depressing song. but it is nice though. haha. i want!
kanesh says he'll give me my birthday present on monday. which is chinese AO day. someone please remind me that there's chinese hor. bring entry proof, dictionary, IC.. otherwise i surely forget one lor. since i'm not studying for it. have i mentioned that i didn't even get the notes? anyway. mushroom soup! hahaha.
today was really weird. felt like i wasn't really there. though i went through the whole school thing of course, managing to get momentarily distracted by the crazy stuff people do. thanks huiru, xieai, sebas, kanesh, ahyiguantamel, kangie, kevin! :) anyway. told huiru during morning worship, just before the presentation. like last night, it seemed that saying the words out made it seem all the more real.. and scary. i don't really know why. it would be a lot easier for me to just sms it. it wouldn't hurt so much.
anyway during chapel, we sang the college hymn cos it's the last day of school.. and so we did the arms-around-each-other's-shoulders thing. hahaha. and you would never imagine. rong was behind RAMA again! hahaha. actually natt exchanged places with rama. but then natt went behind in the end. hahaha. it was so hilarious. rama TICKLED rong. like omg lah. he is such a sick disgusting pervert. eeee. but we had a good time laughing over it. or at least, i did. it took my mind off things. and kevin and kanesh were being irritating. but hey, at least they didn't do anything.
went for the holy communion service in the audi with sebas and huiru and camelia. sarah and yinma and yoda were there too.. and mfk and all the A31ers and sfc people. govin was there too, i don't know why. it was very like chs' holy communion. that was a comfort in itself.
after that was the mrl quiz.. it seemed quite unfair because some people got all the easy questions. and it was a reminder of how little i know about current affairs and whatever crap. anyway it ended early, then they briefed us about the symbolic move. we're gonna get SHOEBAGS again!! yayness! :p with dynamite water and snacks and some other stuff. forgot. ha. we're cheering at the sav driveway, report by 10.30am in whatever saints tee and skirt and shoes. but i want to go back to malan road leh. the lastest assembly there.. : / can we go? and forfeit our breakfast? heh.
then we went for pw, it was just total crap lah. as usual. i can't even remember what she said.
then we met ms.carol.. got the travel plans form.. hmm. then we had to go arrange tables and chairs for A levels in the hall. but i didn't really do anything. just stood around and watched. yes, i am a slacker. but.. nevermind.
went hbf with kanesh caleb and kevin. kanesh left almost immediately [after saying bye seven times], then caleb had to decide where to eat. in the end we all went to food junction. they ordered, then i went down to buy my XXL chicken and walked out to wait for army.
slept on the way there. i was so tired. met opi, tata, uncle whyequine there. ate sweets and showed my mum the class photos to pass the time. and listened to my muvo. then after a long while, aunty joy, uncle whyemun, sammy and nikki came too. and then gu-zeh came back from dunno where. white has never seemed so depressing.
left at around 4.35pm and reached home before 5.
tomorrow got bbq at east coast park. don't feel much like going. later end up no one to talk to.. bleah.
anyway. thanks huiru and xieai so much! sorry i keep postponing our outings. so many times le. : /
You hold her life in Your hands
10:59 pm
she's gone.
10:25 pm
20051027
i have no idea why i'm here right now. i've got to be in school to wash cars at 8! hmmm.. think i'll be late.
anyway i just read someone's blog and ended up feeling like crap. the day didn't start out right. i should have never switched on this comp. argh. and the worse thing is that i don't know what to say about it all.
and army said that people on morphine die within a week. she's on morphine. how long's she gonna last? why are they going to let her dehydrate naturally? why is she so weak she can't even open her eyes or mouth? why isn't she eating or drinking at all? why are they going to remove the drip?
it's almost enough to kill me. when i do think about it.. and i don't really want to now. almost tired of praying for her, but no. there's still time left.
for now - breakfast and the long walk to the bus stop. then the car wash.
kangie and phanie.
12:03 pm
20051023
chalet was pretty fun. ;p although it was quite tiring also lah. i am completely exhausted now. almost fell asleep twice when i read 'the wedding' on my bed just now. so i decided that i shouldn't lie down right now. otherwise pw later die le. sarah will just kill me.
anyways everyone was at the chalet at one time or another, only chenchen and dinesh didn't appear. it was mostly fun.. the beach is super short though. lousy lah. hmm. mostly they played bridge, taidi, mahjiong.. and monopoly and scrabble and watch tv and play guitar and play psp and cs on the laptops.. which were brought there for pw. ugh.
hmmm bridge is fun. if i can pay attention to the game. which is still difficult. anyway we had a short pw meeting after the bbq [which was pretty good too. chicken wings and marshmallows and BANANA CHOCOLATE and crabstick and sausage and satay and stingray and corn and kanesh's vegetarian thing] and decided that we had to meet TODAY. sighs* so yeah, meeting in like 45 mins [it's 1.45pm].
they continued playing cards all the way until.. 12? then i can't really remember. read my bible with peiyu on the bed. and then after a while when everyone else was pw-ing, i went to bathe. it's nice to bathe at 1am lah. and the chalet toilet isn't scary at all lor. there's nothing wrong with the mirror being at the side lah. but bees are scary though. hahaha. someone woke up and screamed when we said there was a bee in the room. it turned out to be a beetle. beatle? ha. and caleb took FOREVER to do his op slides lah. i don't even know if it's completed. i fell asleep a few times halfway. haha. listening to ipod. :p
in the end peiyu rong and i went down to play guitar and watch them play mahjiong. leaving sebas sleeping like a log in the room. he doesn't move lah. at all. so weird. haha. anyway after a while i was too tired. so i went up to sleep. on the floor cos i didn't want to sleep beside sebas. hahaha. then halfway through natt came over cos the other room was too cold. and he slept on the bed. sharing blanket with sebas. haha. and he didn't even realise. then after a while peiyu came up and slept on the bed also. haha. i wanted to give her my blanket but she didn't want it. :/ anyway then sometime during the night caleb and kevin came up too. they were sleeping so close together lah. on the other part of the floor. haha. and yinma came and shone her handphone light in my face to wake me up and ask me to sleep in the other room so it wouldn't seem so bad. it was so weird lah. then guna they all helped me wake sebas up. or something. and i slept for like 20 mins in the other room. then sebas and yoda woke me up. ha.
and we had cup noodles for breakfast. then changed up and left for church. natt and rong walked us out to the bus stop. SCANDAL hahaha. ;p took 29 and then took cab from tampines mall. sent sebas to his church then went pp. showed peiyu around [she hasn't been to pp before in her entire life] and bought breakfast.. then showed her our new campus. it's so weird. then went to church.. haha. peiyu didn't fall asleep during service! so proud of her.. haha. ;p then we went to block 140 to have a look at the medical sunday preparations.. all the people who skipped service just to prepare. got a pink helium balloon. ;p and went seveneleven. then walked peiyu to the mrt station to take bus.. and then walked all the way back to the 966 bus stop to take 985 home.
yay i'm almost done. hmmmm. aiyah don't want to do op leh. :/ some more our group is like the first lah. crap. sighs* oh well. going to chinese high in a while. we're doing our stuff in the canteen or something like that. hopefully the laptops'll last. and it won't take too long. but knowing my group, yes, we'll take forever. hai. bleahh. nevermind. let's get pw over and done with! until 16nov! i can hardly wait.
Lord i offer my life to You
everything i've been through
use it for Your glory
Lord i offer my days to You
lifting my praise to You
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer You my life
7:01 pm
20051021
thanks rong! for the lilo and stitch. and the t-shirt. though i think it's a bit weird. ha. and lilo and stitch is just a little passe. :p but yeah, thanks anyway! nice photos. :p haha. but the lilo got bent in two places on the way home. the bus was super crowded.. and well. it isn't exactly very small. : /
hmmm. reminder from ren: when i go there cannot change. hmm. i really wonder what it'll be like. if everyone does those kinda things. then what do i do? just be completely friendless..? nah. i guess there will be people who don't. and of course i'll have to get into some church. that'll help.. yes.
i put a staple in my phone yesterday, i hope the screen doesn't get scratched.
i hope daddy ordered the laptop already. it'll be my newest baobei. ;p haha. in addition to my camera, muvo and phone.
hmm today was a rush to finish wr, although most of it was already done. BUT we forgot to do one citation, and everyone was so freaked out cos we didn't want to plagiarise. so we somehow did something. i'm not sure what though. oh yes. we edited the page, then printed three copies. then we re-stapled and re-binded. and used clean colour pens to colour the graphs on the photocopied sets. eventually the job was done. i'm glad natt brought his laptop.
tomorrow is class chalet! wow. haha. i bet like everyone'll be doing OP there lah. which is so crap cos i haven't done mine. oh my gosh. we haven't even divided the work! sighs* our OP's tentatively on 10nov. BUT there's bio olympiad, so it may change. i don't want it to change. i don't want external invigilators. : / as if internal ones aren't bad enough. hopefully they'll just shift it to the afternoon or something.. anyway our first dry run's on monday. yep. no time le.
anyone wants to meet somewhere first before meeting the class at tampines? tampines is a very long way away. later i fall asleep and miss the stop. ha. and what to bring?? haha so fun. ;p so long never go chalet already.
caleb's taking forever to write my card. haha i saw it just now! so nice lah. :p haha kevin you did a great job! ;p anyway. i was just reminded on the way home. that was my last birthday in singapore.. for quite a few years at least. haha. it was different in a way.
and i've got to start thinking about what i can and cannot bring. i bet the hostel room will be tiny. PLUS i've got to share it with someone. : / sighs* but according to them, it's better to share. hopefully, though, i'll be able to get my own apartment after next year. then i can stay on my own and have some privacy.
guess what. daddy HASN'T ordered it yet. soon..! and he lost his handphone. : / arghhhh why is this happening.
okays. ermm. i guess sometimes it is pressurising. the way people look at you and stuff. and i'll probably never understand exactly how that feels, but.. i guess the only way is to pray about it and ask God for peace in the decision you make. yep. don't make your decision based on what you want to do. after all.. you don't know what He wants to do right? heh.
and if i had wings i would fly
cos all that i need, You are
and if the world caved in around me
to You i'd still hold on
cos You're all that i believe
You're the One that created me
Jesus, because of You
i'm free..
just live your life
with God inside
you won't regret
one moment of it
give all that you can for God
for God
10:38 pm
happy birthday daixuan!! :)hmmm i can't seem to tag my own board. so here goes.
thanks everyone! but don't worry bout me. i'm fine.. just need somewhere i can rant about everything inside. in a way that people can't possibly guess what i'm talking about unless i tell them myself. but seriously, i'm fine. i don't think much, that sort of works to my advantage in a situation like this. i'm only bothered by whatever it is for a short period of time. after it blows over i'll be just fine. :)
to ren:
what happened today? :/ everyone's worried for you. tell us! anyway don't apologise, it's not your fault. you didn't even do anything! heh. and don't worry bout me. i won't explode. i'm stronger than that. ;p
and to everyone else:
whatever follows has nothing to do with any of you whatsoever. because no one who's related to what i'm going to say next will ever read my blog. so don't think it's about you and start thinking i hate you or something. I DON'T.
__________________________________________
i don't know why they're so selfish. come on lah. she's your ______ for goodness' sake. and you're a ______ lah. start acting like one. okay, it's not as if i have a right to judge. but still, even i know it's wrong to think and act that way. we're supposed to love our neighbour as ourself. how much more our own family. yet you're treating her in this way. it may seem to be a burden, but seriously. would you dare to say you want people to treat you in this way if this happens to you in the future? i've never even been close to her before this, i've never been able to talk to her, but even now i feel for her. being hostile isn't going to help. what makes you think you're going to ______ anyway. argh.
___________________________________________
okay, ranting over. it feels better anyway. ha. bleahh.
1:31 am
argh. today has got to be the worst day of my life. we spent the entire day doing pw. PROJECT WORK SUCKS LAH. did pw during the 3 hours break, after GP all the way until six plus. oh my gosh lah. what a waste of time. she was supposed to meet us at 2.30 because our report was "very sloppy". and guess what time she came? i think it was 3plus. not that bad already. then she mixed up our project with someone else's. probably kanesh's cos she's like in love with him. and she told us that she couldn't help us much cos she was very tired. what crap lah. so we slogged on our own. sarah kairou natt and me. each and everyone of us got so frustrated. and stressed out. it was a really rare experience to see natt so scary and kairou so crazy. hahaha. and the aligning is so stupid lah. the stupid graphs keep moving all over the place on their own. and when we finally got the contents page done, we had to be extra careful not to shift anything the slightest bit. otherwise we'd have to do it all over again. which did happen. when we natt and i left school, peiyu and sebas were still there. so i left with peiyu.
anyway i hope it's over. the final draft's due tomorrow, but most probably friday since we're only handing the draft in tomorrow. argh i hope it's okay. a bit short though, but hopefully okay.
been reading 'the wedding' by nicholas sparks. it's nice, but i think 'the notebook' is nicer. ;p
stretched.
1:13 am
20051020
i am nothingi could travel over oceans
cross the deserts
climb the mountains
just to share Your story
bring You glory
and win souls for You
i could sing like an angel
songs so humble and so thankful
full of drama and emotion
so the world would know Your truth
i could give away my money
and my clothes and my food
to restore those people
who are poor, lost, and down-and-out.
oh, i could succeed at all these things
find favour with peasants and kings
but if i do not love
i am nothing
i could live a flawless life
never cheat or steal or lie
and always speak so kindly
smile so warmly
and go about doing good
i could dedicate myself to do
what everyone else wants me to
listen to them, compliment them
say the things i should
i could show up every sunday
lead the choir and Bible study
and they all might come to know me
as a leader and a friend
oh, i could achieve success on earth
but success cannot define my worth
and all these actions
all these words
will not matter in the end
songs will fade to silence
stories, they will cease
the dust will settle
covering all my selfless deeds
so as i strive to serve You
won't You make it clear to me
if i do not love
i am nothing
if i cannot live my life
loving my brother
then how can i love the One
who lived His life for me?
sent to earth from heaven
humble Servant, Holy King
come to share a story
get no glory
and save my searching soul
You knew that i'd deny You
crucifyYou
but nothing could stop You
from living for me
dying for me
so that i would know
songs will fade to silence
stories will cease
the dust will settle
covering these selfless deeds
but Your life here
has made it clear enough
for me to see
that if i do not love
i am nothing
4:38 am
went out for dinner today. so weird to go out for dinner in the middle of the week. supposed to go have dinner with celeste at her chalet place, but in the end changed the plan.. think it may have something to do with mark losing his wallet and phone. for the gazillionth time. anyway we only went kfc at IMM. but hey, it was a rare chance to have dinner with daddy. :) so yeah. enjoyed it.
went for chap's hour today, it was quite embarrassing cos i went in from the back, but i got over it anyway. then we had sfc min time in the audi cos LT1 was occupied.
my cell:
leader - valerie
jayce
chaoyuan
samantha
charissa
me
haha played one-dot, chaoyuan did a super hilarious forfeit lah. ;p hahaha. we combined cell with tim's cell. and played who-what-huh and chaojimima also. heh. almost had to do forfeit, but noo. haha. chaoyuan's forfeits are all so lame lah. my goodness.
CIP on 6dec at some kids place at tanglin halt.
and i'm getting my laptop soon~ my gosh. i can't wait. it's so irritating having to work within the day using army's comp. and tata's comp's only available when he goes out for dinner. which isn't very frequent.
hmmm. today i just got so pissed lah. i don't really know why.. maybe it was everything combined together. stuff i've been putting up with..? i don't know. but today was just too much. err... nvm.
argh i need to do powerpoint for OP. so stupid lah. so irritating. bleahhhh.
hockey training is scary. : / hahaha glad i don't even need pe next year. yays! ;p
go and sleep lah. haiyo.
mr fong says i can't leave before he treats me. ;p hahaha.
arghhhh. why does stuff that doesn't have anything to do with me hurt me that much? why does it make me feel like crying when it has nothing to do with me whatsoever? this is such a crappy feeling lah. grrrr. GO AWAY. i don't want to care anymore. cos when i do, i lose out. giving and not taking. i'm tired of being the doormat.
just rot away and die.
www.saprojectwork.blogspot.com
4:20 am
20051019
short and sweet today. i hope.
i'm in val's cell! wonder who else is. there's min time tomorrow, meaning we can't go out with xiex. : / sorry girl!
sent kevin and piu photos.
i managed to get 50 points. by God's grace. it would have been impossible without Him. and a B for bio! estacsy~
i hope the stupid wr's all done. i hate pw. and i hate op. i'll just stare at the examiner when he/she asks me the question. argh. utter embarrassment.
went ikea, ate chicken wings and meatballs. got another frame. what am i doing with so many frames. and the cutty thing at the wrapping station is fun to play with. ;p
i got my electric sharpener back today. so fat and take up so much space.
i still do like p&c although sometimes it's too difficult to understand. haha. stupid sebas don't want to copy his own notes.
my printer [tata's printer] died.
ahtai's discharged tomorrow, but that isn't good news.
waiting for this sunday.
3:29 am
20051018
life without Jesus
is like a donut
like a donut
like a donut
life without Jesus
is like a donut
cos there's a hole
in the middle of your heart
hmmm. started the day with this song.. with actions some more. :] haha. it's fun to do something different for a change.
anyways. actually i did not enjoy today. maybe a little, but mostly not.
thanks piu for the framed card! love you so much!! :) and don't worry, life without me will be fine. just keeping pressing on ya? and call me whenever you need me. :)
and thanks so much kanesh. for always knowing when i'm down and for always being there when i feel like i'm about to cry. sorry for not saying anything sometimes.. but i really appreciate it!
math lect and chem lect were horrendous. during math i realised how many stupid careless mistakes i made. i lost 15.5 marks just like that. maybe i wouldn't have gotten a D if i had been more careful. but then again, maybe not. didn't really listen during chem lect, kanesh was going on and on about go***s. my goodness. pollution. ha. and he continued even after i vandalised his paper. haha. and we taped up kevin and nutella's photo! haha. taken from the balcony leh, not bad eh. ;p
during the two hour break we sang happy birthday for jean, ate, bought foolscap [co-op having mega closing down sale!], white paper, printed S paper forms, read blogs, looked through iota. apparently we are on the front page of iota! huge photo. haha, fine, not all that huge. but it's the main photo anyway. and caleb's pink jap costume photo's inside too! the one during learning fest. which he promised not to publish. you LIAR.
chinese was super boring. i fell asleep countless times. and i don't know how to do the anderson paper. not going to do it either. and i'm the only one in chinese class not ordering the higher chinese notes. hmmm. i don't even want to take the AO paper lah. crap.
pw was indeed crap. she just spent like the whole time talking. and we have 14% appearing elsewhere. hai. need to do some thing about the interview.. and biblio. sighs* i hate pw. so much.
and photo taking after school. it was weird, nothing like the first three months photo taking. that one was so much more fun. what was different? i have no idea. it was just weird. : / went home right after that, spent some time talking to the scholars while waiting for bus. kairou, pohxuan, leanne, guna, natt. went home with rong.
ian's got his ipod nano already! it's super nice lah. so sleek. my goodness. i want! ha.
posted diana's letter.. almost forgot. heh. hope it isn't too late.
then i had to clear the whole bed. as in jib's bed. cos mark's friends are staying over tonight. and it was only arranged today. like what on earth. he owes me big time lah. the mess was so huge. and i had no plans to clear it up soon. and i cleared everything. so proud of myself. HA. he better help me burn my photos into a cd.
hmmm. anyway. i guess it's true that by opening up more you become more vulnerable. maybe i should just.. be more like them. everything's so on-the-surface. so simple yet complicated. and sometimes i just get so disappointed. although i know i have no right to. and i don't know why i let these stuff get to me when they're so insignificant. but it does bother me. and another thing. i know some stuff is difficult to say face to face. and it seems like the only way to say it is on the blog. but real life and blog.. the two don't have to be all that different.
anyways. gotta go do pw now. : /
donut.
12:58 am
20051017
down in the dumps.
1. i am so pissed with him. i mean. STOP IT ALREADY. i hate him. honestly. stop staring. ARGH.
2. common test results. actually i'm pretty unsure about my results. don't know bio physics and GP for sure. for now, it's alright. not good though. and my chem is total crap. but then i didn't study. so what did i expect? F. but no, i got O. something to be thankful for. and yes, praise God for the bio essay question. without it, my bio would have been a flop. so much for spotted questions. amazingly my physics jumped 2 grades [or so i think]. and math? well. a lot of careless mistakes everywhere. but still better than CT? not sure.
3. class chalet's coming and i need to go for service on sunday. not to mention medical sunday. i don't even know what we're supposed to do for medical sunday. should i even go for chalet?
4. open house. i didn't really do much for open house. brought chari, liwei and gabriel around before the open house really started. then had to find stuff to do before eleven so they could get their shoe bags [which i do want very badly, but then i already have the 2004 one]. it was scary, yes. and it's not that i'm 'daring' in school. it's my school. i can't expect you to do it. and i did want to help chari find out about the appealing in thing. too bad we couldn't find the teacher. i can still try to find out though. anyway. the first mass dance was a total flop. a completely humiliating experience. especially with the whole world staring at you. it was a mess. and the chicken dance cd was faulty. but after two briefings and pairing up guys and girls and positioning, the final dance was a whole lot better. we grabbed people from the crowd to dance too. :p kevin was my unlucky victim. hahaha. and yeah, i think there were a lot of people. but the shoe bags didn't run out though. and the councillors wouldn't give us the extras cos they want them for fund raising. after the whole event, the core cca people had to help clear up and carry the cafe tables back from the jacob ballas place. and arrange them. ssc helped too. :) and we got the job done. then i rushed back to church. by then i was super tired. but there was cell outing. we went to the white tangerine cafe at paya lebar kovan community club. played cards and ate. it was quite fun. i guess. we got so confused with all the names. fruits, musical instruments, rearranging names, mrt stations.. but it was fun. and army fetched us from pp. amazingly. and we didn't even get scolded or grounded for a year or something. honestly right now i wouldn't mind getting grounded all that much. i just didn't want to get scolded.
5. i don't really want to go now. i mean. sure, it would mean a chance to start all over again. make new friends, learn organic chem and math all over again, learning how to survive on my own. but of course, there's the down side. it's getting closer and scarier by the day. but i know that staying here won't be of any use. i can get promoted with my results. but i didn't give my best for promos. and it would mean having to cram for organic chem. that is a big con. it seems like the obvious choice is to go. the problem is how to survive while i'm there.
6. we went to visit ahtai today after church and giving out balloons and more fliers. it's so scary just walking through the corridor to the bed. w45b20. the ward is full of old people. they're so old, it's scary. seeing so many old people in one place is scary. ahtai is so frail. she's all skin and bones. really. and she doesn't want to eat. i think guzeh's been intimidating her. she didn't want to open her eyes to look at us. she didn't want to talk. she only kept moving her hands. and either shaking or nodding her head. we didn't understand what she was trying to say cos she wouldn't talk. and i'm so scared she won't have enough time. not with what guzeh's been hammering into her. i think she's probably so confused. she doesn't know what to do. i think she does believe, deep down, but she doesn't know if she wants to take that step of faith because of guzeh and her weird religion which has already conned them of thousands of dollars. seriously. this is so crappy. i hope it's soon.
7. one more month until the end of pw. i can't wait. pw is killing me. i hate op. helpppp. i don't want to do it.
8. happy birthday jean! :)
9. tomorrow: happy birthday diana! :)
1:32 am
20051014
hmmm today was house day. but it was raining. so they screened movies instead. watched about an hour of coach carter before going chinatown for the malan lamian thing. there were too many people and it was so squeezy. and all our attempts to la mian failed. ha. and the buffet wasn't all that good either. the barley was horrible lah. i liked the prawny stuff though. ha. after malan lamian i went back to school with huiru and jean. we all slept on the way. ha. and then when we reached cor library, we found out that the dance practice was cancelled! without them telling us earlier. haiyo. so i went to ren's house and we had movie marathon! ha. coach carter [since we only watched like half of it in school], white chicks, and mean girls. ha. so many of sebas' favourite songs. :p and the fries were super salty. nicee. ;p after that took 315 to serangoon mrt with rong peiyu sebas. then went pp and took 985 home. and ate instant meegoreng. :p
anyway i just read kevin's blog. super sad lah. : / maybe i should start reflecting too. since thinking is something i hate to do. but it's not like i'll put it up here. there are too many things i keep inside and no one knows. but then again. i really don't think deeply. thoughts just fly through my mind and then i discard them almost immediately. even things of utmost importance may not stick in my mind. but let's not go there.
hmmm. yes you did ask me to shut up that one single time. but don't worry, i'm over it. i don't think much, remember? : ) try not to bear grudges.
i'm going to miss being:
- an alarm clock
- a tissue supplier
- a memo pad
2:17 am
20051013
hmmm. today is pw day. the most horrendous five hours of my life. ha. fine, maybe not. hyperbole. :p
we actually spent the first five hours of school doing pw. our written report. my goodness. and of course, a lot of crap from her.
sa064
we borrowed a laptop from the mrl, and worked on the stage in the ava. then we went to find her. but she was uncontactable. didn't answer her phone, didn't reply messages, wasn't in the staff room. stupid woman. she said our presentation was wrong but then didn't want to see us to tell us what exactly was wrong. GRR. and she screwed up px's grouping too. pig.
so in the end we went back to the ava. and i went down with kr to buy food. and a bao for natt. ha. sebas smuggled chickenrice up! anyway. after a while we got chased out of the ava by a certain K. so irritating lah. so we wandered around looking for somewhere we could do our stuff. in the end we went up to C36. i think. the classroom beside kanesh's group. then we finally managed to finish our stuff. haha. so many distractions lah. camera, sunflower, sweeping the floor. hahaha. and sebas went around acting cute and taking so many blur photos. lousy lah.
then we handed in our diskettes and went for lunch. they took forever so i went to eat with kanesh and sarah and aini. then after that was the S paper talk, but i didn't go.. there wasn't any point in me going anyway. i won't be taking S papers. i went to COR library instead.. heh. the co-op people came a while later, they are super funny lah. haha. just watching them makes me laugh like mad. cy and joel too. and caleb! ahahaha.
tomorrow got sfc again. and friday also! : / yeah. and 100 lollipops! heh.
the meeting place
sajc open house
15 october 2005
2 malan road
ha watching tongxinyuan now. not as nice as the last time one lor. and the new 9pm show also not as nice as fayiXdangan2.
took photos of bubbles. :p and 2 videos too. heh. he'll totally surrender to you if you tickle his chin. hahaha. really. and the cage is as tall as my knee, around four-and-a-half by two-and-a-half hands. haha. my hands. your fingers are fat so it'll probably be less.
evermore
lost for words with all to say
Lord you take my breath away
still my soul, my soul cries out
for You are holy
and as i look upon Your name
circumstances fade away
now Your glory steals my heart
You are holy
You are holy Lord
evermore my heart
my heart will say
above all, i live for Your glory
even if my world falls i will say
above all, i live for Your glory
with all my heart i'll say
i'm living for Your name
with all to give You praise
we're living for Your glory Lord
12:33 am
20051011
happy birthday huiru!! : )
so super tired. and i don't even know why.
one sixth a day. hahaha. how much left? and my electronic sharpener!
yesterday met rong and sebas at harbour before school for breakfast.
physics spa yesterday was alright, except that i forgot to leave the slotted masses on the set-up after the whole thing.. :/
had a short pw meeting, then went queensway with sebas to shop for clothes. him, i mean. then ikea bistro for hotdogs and anchorpoint so kanesh could eat his eggplant-lettuce-spinach thing. ugh. and sebas was singing so loud the uncle laughed at him. haha. then we sent him back to school. so nice right. haha.
then went far east flora with kanesh. haha. sunflowers.
then balestier, the aquarium without frogs/tadpoles. then novena mrt, toapayoh. met darren and walked around looking for frogs. but didn't find any. then i went ps to find rong and peiyu. at spotlight.. bought green cloth for banner. heh.
after that went holland v.. cold storage for chicken steak, the paint shop for black and white paint, rong's house to paint. ha. i painted all over her floor and spilled the paint on the banner. yes, that explains that ugly splotch on the 'rock'. haha. 'sebas, you rock our world'. hahaha. only for today. ;p dywtd? haha. haven't heard that in a while.
today went for morning worship.. with the two sunflowers. one for huiru and one for sebas. like blind date like that. haha. and the uni guy....... haha. nvm. he was so nice lah. at six in the morning. wow. heh. and sebas came right after the closing song. wow. so early. and six become six twenty some more.
went for sfc meeting at the flagpole. manning booth vs. school guide. obviously manning the booth lah. my gosh. ha. openhouse is too soon. we're not ready yet. no way. and there's sfc at cor tomorrow and thursday too. in preparation for openhouse 2005. and we haven't gotten our t-shirts! cos quite a few absentees today i think. yea, the line was pretty short.
the latin music thing was a bit.. boring. ha. chachacha, tango, rumba, mambo blah blah blah. yeah. and i was tired. haha johnny got sabo-ed by his guitar teacher! :p and may***** was probably SO happy she could be on the same stage as johnny. haha. and the irritating teacher got TWO girls so johnny didn't get a gift. stupid. 'please. i said please!'. my goodness lah.
then we had a short break, ate zha wantan and fries. haha. yea, it's tuesday, fried food day. :p haha. unhealthy day. then we passed the flower around and cut the banner. and went back to the hall.
then it was sama. sa music awards. hmmm. haha genie can just go home and cry lah. kanesh was laughing and laughing like mad. and he's so irritating lah. keep on talking. then delete the photo some more. hmph. nvm, i'm determined to get some other unglam photos. ha. hmmm. emmaline was good. so were the two minus-one girls. haha. b.l.u.c. was second runner up. and sebas looked scary with his eyeshadow. i've got photos! haha. of him with a certain someone. haha. you should see his face when he's on the phone with her. haha. anyway daniel from A31 got first for soloists and the most popular guy. hmmmm. haha. yes.
anyway after that we went to collect chem files. she said our marks are proportional to the thickness of our chem files. please. i don't care. kanesh keeps saying i won't leave. cos now he doesn't want to leave. but i will. i need to. my promos are so dead. so yea. flying off in three plus months. yep.
went harbour again. we were supposed to eat at wangjiao. something different for a change. but there wasn't space so we went macs. ha. mcchicken. and i ate all the cai4! haha. for once. then i went with kanesh to try out the kodak machine. i owe him fifty cents! ha.
then went mrt station to find the rest. took mrt to dhoby.. where ren rong kevin caleb went to watch 'into the blue'. they wanted me to go watch with them but i didn't want to. the point is not that money can be borrowed. i just didn't want to spend so much money watching movies. we just watched goal! on friday! some more 'into the blue' isn't exactly a movie i'm dying to watch. i'll probably not watch it ever. unless they like show it on tv a few years down the road or something.
so i went across to parkmall and took 171 home. sebas went out with that certain someone. hahaha. ;p hmm. i slept like most of the journey home. 40mins? ha. so tired.
watched a bit of nonsense tv when i got back. and snacked on cadbury. :) and commented on mark's shading. then blog.
darn. i still need to do pw. later. i've lost my passion for pw. now i really really hate it. i was supposed to get back my eom two weeks ago lah. hello? and tomorrow is pw day. what a horribly disgusting day lah. argh. :/
going to compile the photos. then hopefully go print tomorrow so sometime soon. then can do the frames. hopefully soon. then they won't be too belated.
i'm reaching for Your heart
You hold my life in Your hands
drawing me closer to You
i feel Your power renewed
nothing compares to this place
where i can see You face to face
i worship You in spirit and in truth
9:22 pm
20051008
hmmm. i'm seriously considering changing my blog add and not telling anyone about it.
anyway. yesterday was the last dreaded paper. math is over! promos are over! studying is over! it feels super weird to not need to study. it's like - the past few weeks [or maybe just days] have been spent mugging. everyday after school, go mug. then go home, bathe, eat, tv, mug. and now, suddenly, we've been liberated. but i'm sure i could get used to this. :p slept at 10.20pm last night and got up at 9am. haven't slept this long in ages.. really.
went marina square yesterday after math. okay, we only left school like an hour after math ended. but hey, what's new? heh. bought tickets for goal! and had a rushed lunch at ljs. so yeah, we were late, and there wasn't anyone to tear the tickets. but anyway. the show started shortly after we got in, there was this group of sa girls in front of us.. peiyu's friends.
anyway the movie was super good lah. everyone wanted to go watch it again.. haha. santiago munez~! and gavin harris. hahahahaharama. :p hmmm. and glen foy. haha. let's go to the toon. :p and the boss guy who said 'im shocked' expressionlessly. and the nurse and the grandmother. the grandmother is super nice lah. reminds me of opi. :p haha. and the father. everything worked out in the end.. and everyone should go watch it! ha.
then we went toilet. and peiyu booed the wrong person! hahahaha i was the only witness lah. we were helping rong hold the toilet door cos it couldn't lock. then when she came out, peiyu hid in that cubicle and waited for the person in the next cubicle to come out cos she thought ren was in there. hahaha. then the person came out and peiyu booed her! and she gave this amused look but didn't say anything. then peiyu and i were laughing and laughing and laughing lah. in the toilet. haha. and she msged me just now: 'gentle reminder: breathe no words about the toilet incident'. hahaha.
hmm then sebas found his way to giant and we went back to ljs cos he hadn't eaten lunch. heh. we were supposed to go spca actually. but didn't know how to go. haha. so in the end we didn't. talked for a while, then walked to cityhall and went to orchard.. bought some stuff from creative hands, then went home.
yoda got on the same bus! haha.
went ikea just now to buy frames and stuff. haha. a lot of work to do.. but they won't be ready in time.. :\
then i met ashley and we had lunch at the ikea restaurant. spaghetti and meatballs and chickenwings!! :p hahaha. then he went to cut hair. and i came home. hmmm. he says our math final paper was his tutorial standard. i'm shocked. ha.
anyways. going to church later.
lend me cds? :\
santiago munez
7:50 pm
20051007
hmmm one more day! one more paper! and of course, one more spa. but we can't really study much for spa anyway. ha. promos are going to be over soon... ha. we were already going crazy just now lah. after bio paper. imagine what it'll be like tomorrow after math! :p
anyway thanks everyone for the birthday wishes and stuff! :) didn't really expect it.. though i guess i should have seen it coming. ha. it was really nice going for lunch with everyone that day.. seems like we haven't done that in a really really long time... heh. today also. harbour macs with everyone. :) except peiyu and jean. : / smuggled XXL chicken again! :p haha it was nice. and sebas wants the gauzy t-shirt. or the other weirder one. ha. and the jeans. the bus took forever to come and made me so late. hai. but didn't get scolded! haha i guess it's a birthday thing. hasn't worn out yet. haha.
hmmm remember how i said i didn't like those singing happy birthday things? as in for me. i guess it's mainly cos a while back when i thought about it i just thought it was so meaningless. especially with a group of people i don't feel comfortable with. people i don't even talk to. then everything's so fake. and awkward. that's why i didn't have it last year. no one sang happy birthday last year and i was perfectly happy with it. this year i've gotten two happy birthday songs [okay, four, if you include peiyu and sebas :p], and i'm also perfectly happy with it. because they are people i'm close to. i know it's real, and they mean it. and of course that makes everything seem better even in the midst of exams and all. imagine. we had chem and bio today and everyone willingly went for lunch yesterday. with chem and bio the next day. was really touched.. ha. so yea, thanks everyone! :)
hai i'm running out of time..! fayiXdangan starting soon! :p
anyway ren bought me SEVENTEEN egg tarts. plus one eggwhite pineapple tart and two blueberry tarts! she's mad lah. :p ran all over the place to buy them for me. from SEVEN different shops! haha. thanks ren! and walk me through sav to the bus stop some more. really appreciate it! ;)
and of course, the birthday smses. some from people i didn't really expect.. and some others conveniently forgot.. haha. i don't blame them, it's the exam period, everyone's so stressed up. that's why yesterday's lunch meant even more to me.. :)
anyway. some stuff about exams.
physics. actually i know it wasn't all that difficult a paper. i know i should have known how to do a lot more than i did. because i didn't pay attention! sighs* i could have done better. but oh well, it's over. i'm glad i did remember how to do some questions.. although i still didn't know a lot. ha.
chem. wow. i'm amazed i even knew that N was a ketone lah. dunno what orange ppt with 2,4-DNPH and no reaction with tollen's. heard sebas mention it before going into the classroom. haha. but other than that, all my organic chem was crap. which is quite expected really, since i didn't study. and of course they had to test the stupid thermocycle which i have no idea how to do.. and i made that stupid careless mistake for some other calculation too. grr. i can only expect an F.
bio. actually, despite ms.carol saying it was a really tough paper, it wasn't. really. there just wasn't enough time. i was scribbling like mad already and still couldn't finish. even with the fifteen minute time extension. double the chem marks in the same time. MADNESS. anyway the mcq was fun. really. i love doing bio mcq lah. :p which is why i did the tys for O's..... haha. but then when we came out and started comparing answers [like mad], i realised i made so many stupid careless mistakes. never count correctly. never read properly. never.. argh. hai. sebas is going to mourn for his genetics question. and i didn't get the centromere dunno what thing correct lah. the bivalents one. what are bivalents anyway?? argh. and so many of the topics sebas spotted came out lah. recombinant, protein synthesis, enzymes, meiosis, ecology.. but they didn't exactly test the nitrogen cycle in detail though. so i memorised all those bacteria names for nothing! ha. but it was fun. haha. nitrogen fixing - rhizobium, azobacter, purple sulphur bacteria. denitrfiying - pseudomonas aeruginosa. nitrifying - nitrosomonas and nitrobacter. :p we need 91 for a B, 105 for an A. i don't know how much for a C. my mark schemes are all mixed up.
anyway. tomorrow is math. the LAST PAPER. OH MY GOSH. haha. but i don't like math lah. haven't touched it for ages [hyperbole again :p]. all the maclaurin's, trigo, apgp, differentiation, integration, functions, inequalities, induction, binomial.. ugh. dunno how to do anything le lor. and can't remember formulae either. and it's 3 hours! hope i know how to do the first question. heh. and don't get mental block!
and yes, ren was the first to wish me happy belated birthday. :p with the word 'belated'. haha.
the show is starting soon! haha okay i think i've blogged enough. more after math paper. haha. YAYS.
eggwhite
1:59 am
hiding place
in the distance i can see
the storm clouds coming my way
and i need to find a shelter
before it starts to rain
so i turn and run to you Lord
You're the only place to go
where unfailing love surrounds me
when i need it most
You're my hiding place
safe in Your embrace
i'm protected from the storm that rages
when the waters rise
and i run to hide
Lord, in You i find my hiding place
i'm not asking You to take away
my troubles, Lord
cause it's through the stormy weather
i learn to trust You more
so i thank You for Your promise
i have come to know
Your unfailing love surrounds me
when i need it most
You're my hiding place
safe in Your embrace
i'm protected from the storm that rages
when the waters rise
and i run to hide
Lord, in You i find my hiding place
so let Your people seek You
while You may be found
cause You're our only refuge
when the rain comes pouring down
You're my hiding place
safe in Your embrace
i'm protected from the storm that rages
when the waters rise
and i run to hide
Lord, in You i find my hiding place
1:19 am
20051005
hmmm finally there's time to blog. and of course, the comp's available.
three down, five to go. bio spa was.. i don't know how it went actually. i had to keep going to get hot water. and my water bath kept going below 38degrees. and my readings were fabricated. so all in all, it didn't go all that well. but nevermind, it doesn't matter, remember?
tomorrow got physics. wow. haha had a two and a half hour consultation session with ms.ong yesterday. she's super nice lah. heh. but couldn't find her today to explain resonance and some linear momentum thing peiyu asked me.
it's the first time i ate chicken wing in school! haha. yep. and we got free fish too. :p the aunty so nice. too bad there wasn't zha wanton then though. haha.
opi's gonna buy me shoes! :)
yurong sent me a postcard and a sticker thing that says 'caution! i'm crazy about God'. :p hahaha. thanks weird girl! :) i missed your snails. :p
heartlanders gonna start! anyway i heard taufik's song on the radio just now. the shooting stars one. actually it's not bad. except for the person who's singing it.. ha.
..this is sworn to secrecy. you didn't see me! :p hahahaha. thanks anyway. :)
hope peiyu asks the toapayoh guy and remembers to tell me the solution. ha. not as if i'll remember it. and i haven't done the 2002 and 2003 papers lah. crap. must do tonight. : / sighhs.
okay. heartlanders! haha. i love watching tv. :p
i want to let Jesus love me
put His arms around me
lift me up so i can see
that i am beautiful
i want to let Jesus love me
put His arms around me
lift my eyes so i can see
the beauty of the Lord
12:57 am
20051003
hmm. i figure i should just post something now that it's sunday, and i finally have the time. okay, maybe i don't exactly have the time. but then not studying helps.
life's been scary. what with the bali blasts and dengue and stuff. as if it wasn't bad enough that he's there. at least he's safe. now.
and sometimes i just want to stop studying. give up. roll over and play dead. because..
1. it doesn't matter anyway. my mind's made up, i'm leaving.
2. it's not as if i'll be able to finish studying anyway. there's so much i haven't touched.
3. late nights and early mornings don't work out.
but yes, like what ben preached today. i'll
keep on running. it's not for many more days anyway. until friday. then a few more days of worrying about physics spa [which is NOT oscillations. i wonder why they only drill us on oscillations when the spa is on something totally different. the only thing we know is that it'll probably have loading and unloading. important!], then it'll all be over. yea, i'm looking forward to that. so much.
yesterday and today was good. other than the fact that i didn't study much on saturday cos i didn't get up all that early, plus kanesh came to pp macs. ha. that explains a lot. ;p sorry kanesh. heh. anyway. church was good, i was decidedly less hostile to certain people. it was a good break from the tension. i'm glad i did. it helped a lot. [for those who don't know what i'm talking about, don't read]
today we filmed the medical sunday thing. took a while to get the chinese script done, but other than that, plus the gazillion cuts and retakes, it was a very entertaining few hours. ha. director - ben. cast - chari as chari, liwei as liwei, chinyi as the mum, mark as the son. lots of bloopers.. then we watched the other cells' bloopers and actual films too. super funny. then justin did one on tapping the can of coke too. ha. now it's up to ben and stephen to do the splicing i guess. what exactly is splicing in the first place? ha. spliceosome.. snRNPs. small nucleic ribonuclear proteins? hai. my notes. i actually went to read campbell to fill in those blanks lah. but now they're all gone, and sebas' notes are so empty. grrr. : /
oh yeah. the toddlers put up a performance in church today.. for children's day. the song they sang was super cute!
God is big, God is big, God is very very very very big. God is big, God is big, God is very very very very very very big. haha. susanna's gonna lend me the cd. so super cute lah. haha. ask me for the video! i mean. if you see me in person. with my camera. cos i'm not gonna upload it to the comp anytime soon. anyway sue jin is the cutest little girl i ever saw. she looks like precious moments and she did the actions so well! haha. so cute lah. :p
watching charlie's angels! :p
i'll probably try to go through math later. a bit. maybe. for consultation, hai. and try to study also. sighs* but yea. must keep on running. never give up! heh. thanks for everyone's prayer and encouragement. :)
God is BIG. ;)
12:55 am