Shattered??

The heart is feeling low,

Feeling the guilt which may have been self inflicted or am I just dramatizing a small matter.

I just wish my action will not cause others to suffer for the consequences, knowing that partly it is my fault. 

I wonder why is it so hard to get people to join in for something good but may not be as fun but for something which is pure entertainment, people can pay thousands to join.

It is always hard to make a change, go against the flow, what more pulling people to go against the strong current with you.

At times, I can not help it to feel demotivated, but I remain strong or pretend to have a strong facade to face the challenges ahead. Where have my optimism self gone to?What happened to everything happened for a reason?

But I know deep down I have screwed up in organizing simple things which may have cause certain negative consequences. Call me selfish, coz I think at that point I am selfish. I did not thing of the other party. Hence the guilt and the troubled heart. 

People call these little bums along the journey and it should not stopped me. I hope I will not be affected by this and tomorrow would be a better day.

 

Awakening part 2

So here is the continuation of awakening from here. This time the writer is sharing the important part of our lives , our relationships with others ,that often influences and determines our happiness and unhappiness...reflect upon in and be awaken! =)


THE AWAKENING (PART 2)

 By Sonny Carroll

And then you begin to love and to care for yourself….Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you.

So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture.

And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace..

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given.

And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations.

You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations.

And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself."

Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends.

You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind.

Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead.  You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment.  You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself.

So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Alangkah Indahnya dunia

I have always dreaded to grow old. I am guessing I had a fairly good childhood or I have been exposed to adulthood a little too early, hence I never want to grow old. I love it when I was younger there were not many high expectations yet I was there were high hopes and high achievements expected from me when I am OLDER, when I grow. I looked cute and adorable when I ate ice cream clumsily and have my clothes stained or my nose had some chocolate ice-cream, but when I an adult, with ice cream stained on my face and dripped on my shirt, I am disgusting and clumsy. It is ok if I asked too much or I screwed up in many things when I am young, I am still learning, but in adulthood, if i asked to much, I am annoying, if i screwed up, they ask why I never learn?? Gosh! you wonder what is life long learning don't you! When I was young, playing and having my stomach full were my goals, but as an adult, every goal and dreams become more complex.Heaps of commitment and responsibility weighing down my shoulders as I grow older.Tiring at times, but life goes on. I continued my journey into adulthood, fell and slip, stood up, wipe my tears, smile and laugh because life is too brief to be spend on "what ifs". However, reminiscing the past good memories is very much encouraged! We walk down those memories again and say " ah! I have live to experience that!" be it a "shit happens" moment or a "ass-kicking" awesome moment!

Beauty

Pic credits

I tried, I did try and I have not stopped trying to look at things in many perspectives until I find the one with a tinge of positivity in every bad things. But sometimes, we just need to give a little moment, a few minutes to mourn over something bad and after that we will be positive and look for beauty in everything all over again..after all life does not stop there.

The Vicious Cycle

So this is the vicious cycle most of us are stuck in! I just need to get things done..but there are so many attractions and temptations. Oh boy! Journals........=s

Stop Feeling Guilty

Another pieced shared by Martin Jalleh

STOP BEING A PLEASER!

Rev Fr Henri Nouwen

“For as long as you can remember,

you have been a pleaser,

depending on others to give you an identity.

You need not look at that

only in a negative way.

You wanted to give your heart to others,

and you did so quickly and easily.

But now you are being asked to

let go of all these self-made props

and trust that God is enough for you.

You must stop being a pleaser and

reclaim your identity as a free self.”

Below are my thoughts and not the continuation of the above =)

Yes we got to stop pleasing everyone. We are nice and kind and generally good, so we do not need others to make us feel that way. And stop feeling guilty if we dislike something or when we are unable to be kind or nice . Sometimes, not everyone click with everyone. I think by ignoring or have less contact is being nice already. We need to be happy and not force ourselves to please others when we can't. I hope I am making sense.

Good night world~

Awakening part 1

I have  many things to enter in this journal but I am too stressed at the moment, Came across this note in Facebook, posted by Martin Jalleh, Awakenings..very meaningful....something we tried to apply in our lives, but definitely not easy...

THE AWAKENING

By Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you.

Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow."

You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime.

And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:  how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop; where you should live or what type of car your should drive;  how you should behave; who you should marry and why you should stay;  the importance of having children or what you owe your family.

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view.  And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10" Or a perfect human being for that matter.

So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.

Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.  And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by.

Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating."

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with;  things  that millions of people upon the face of  the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own  dreams.

 And then you begin to love and to care for yourself.  You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships.

You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest.

And just as  food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for  the spirit and so you  make it a point to create time for play.

wait for part two =), happy "digesting" =)