Saturday, March 19, 2011

Back then.. We had so much plans for when you return. There's so much we wanted to do. There's so much I had planned for us.

But now... I know those plans will no longer include you inside.

It's a must to move on. I need to move on without you in my plans. I need to fulfil my dreams and plans.. without you.



You know you're beginning to move on when you once again start to realise the beautiful things around you.

You know things are turning for the better when it no longer hurts when you look back in the memories.


不说再见了。说拜拜吧。放手吧。

Live and let live. Or rather.. Leave and let live.

Now it only boils down to... Am I able to delete you away.

oinked on 6:26 PM

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

When you're 25-ish, you're old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don't have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you're 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You're working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.

Job
Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country, or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it!

It should take about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

Relationships
Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And "serious" might mean walking away from the ones that don't give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can't-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It's not fair to that person, and it's not fair to you.

Counselling
25 is also a great time to start counselling, if you haven't already, and it might be a good round two of counselling if it's been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep your from living a healthy whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Don't get stuck
This is the thing: when you start to hit 28 or 30, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn't, who have pushed through to become real live adults. And then there's the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They've stayed in jobs they hate, because they're too scared to get another one. They've stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don't want to be lonely. They mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don't do those things, so they live in kind of an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college.

Don't be like that. Don't get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settleedness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don't lose yourself at happy hour, but don't lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: "Am I proud of the life I'm living? What have I tried this month? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this lef of the journey? Do the people I'm spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that's keeping me from moving forward?"

Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that life is a grand adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don't get stuck in th epast, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the lvoe and intensity and courage you can, and keep travelling honestly along life's path.

oinked on 1:30 PM

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Dear Baby Elmo,
Here I am wishing you a very Happy 3rd Birthday. But you will... forever stay 2. Because of our circumstances this year, I sorry I am no longer able to celebrate your birthday properely. Because the thought is practically a large sprinkle of salt on my wound. So much I think I'm well preserved like a salted fish!

I thought it would be easy to get over it. But I was wrong. I was wrong to think that I was treasured. I was wrong to think that 'we' meant something and was actually important and precious. Everything ended abruptly. There wasnt a reason, there wasnt an explanation. I wasnt even told face to face. This hurts. It signifies that all along I wasnt important and this wasnt important. You gave me a choice: if I can accept it, continue to move on; If I cant, Goodbye. These words hurt to the core. I wasnt given a choice. The choice was already made. To be told this simply meant 'This is not that important to me. If you can accept it then good, if not it doesnt really matter to me.'

The Chinese Zoadiac sign this New Yr told me that I'll have a complicated relationship this year with many changes. I'll "have to handle my relationship with a cool head. Do no act impulsively to avoid self-destruction and serious problems later on.

His Chinese Zoadiac sign tells him that he tends to be self-centered this year which will make it difficultfor his love partner to tolerate. If this problem is not corrected, it may easily lead to a rift in his relationship

How true. But it's too late. He self centeredly left me with nothing but pain. And there's nothing I or we can do but for me to suck it in and endure the pain. It will go away. Yes it will.

Time waits for no one. I thought time could turn back. That the wrong could be undone or at least fixed. But I see nothing. I don't know when this will heal. But now, I can still feel the immense pain. The heart shattered into pieces, and is still slowly disintegrating right now. The tears are still not dried up. Perhaps I still hold some hope. I just need to give up, I just need to know that nothing will happen. Just move on. Time waits for no one. Remember, time waits for no one.

Read on 'How to Maintain Healthy Relationships'

"There is no point in grieving when the person has decided to be out of your life. Learn to appreciate the present. Life is too short to dwell on the insignificant."

Thank God for friends. You take my pain away. You are my pain killers. But pain killers will always wear off after a while, and the pain comes back. We just have to wait.. for the wound to heal. Then the pain shall cease.

oinked on 12:15 PM

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Sunday, January 09, 2011

It's time to choose and decide.

Either fix it or leave it. Stop asking me what to do. I did not destroy this. If you cannot accept how I am and you cannot explain everything to me. Then don't. Leave.

Then again, even if you explain everything, how can i believe? There's too much I don't know. How can you fix it? How long do you need to fix it? I don't know.

Like you said last time, I need to guard my heart. I cannot let this hurt me. In a different way, but it's definitely going to shatter my heart. Look at what you've done. Yet show to touch of sorry. I'm not being ridiculous. I'm just too afraid of hurting again. There's too many blind spots, and it's just too dark. Yet, there's no light.

oinked on 9:39 PM

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The friend said:

Love is like a mirror. Once shattered, you'll see the broken lines even if you put it back together.

BUT someone else said, if you choose to look past the broken lines and at the effort taken to put back those pieces, that is then love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many will fix the broken mirror?

How many will be able to look pass it?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm willing to look pass the mirror, as long as he is willing to fix the mirror.

But there's only so much I can do. There's only so many chances I can give. There's only so much I can blind myself from seeing and remembering.

I think I would rather he tell me he's not willing to fix that mirror. Than for him to step over the mirror and pretend nothing happened.

逃避不能解决问题。别再逃避了！你已经逃避了很多的问题，而我也睁一只眼闭一只眼很久了。这件事我不能把两只眼都闭上，我也不能再让你逃避了。

因为看了不该看的东西，自己才变得这个样子。但是不该看的也看了！也只好面对了。

非常辛苦，但我不希望以后会后悔。对不起，我不认为我现在的要求不可理喻，所以我不能心软，不能让步。如果你不能接受，就说再见吧。

长痛不如短痛，解决它吧！

oinked on 12:31 AM

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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas to all my lovelies! Sorry I've been out of action in quite a while.

Eerything had been fine. Been hard at work. Confirmation coming soon in a month or so. Excited for the new year.

Christmas indeed brings good news. On the eve of Christmas, I've been notified of a training in place. Nothing major but at least it's something small before the biggie. Chief sounded as though who ever who is being put to that is always reluctant. But I don't think so! At least it's a step up from where I am. Well, let's just say that 2011 is going to be a better year! Let's all pray and hope for the best! :)

Christmas brought another good news. It's an end to a grueling period, but the start of many more years of torture (if you get what I mean). On 24 Dec 2010, 2139hrs, we welcomed our new bundle of joy, Alexis, into our family. Welcome Alexis! You'll be loved greatly, you little animal!! I mean 'animal'!

Once again, have a blessed Christmas and a Happy new year!

oinked on 9:41 PM

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Finally!!! Almost done with this month.. 3 more nights to go, and I can happily enjoy my beauty sleep. Boy do I suddenly miss the rush hour traffic!! But I'm sure gonna miss the extra cash! $$$$

Looking at next months roster.... Sigh.. How to get proper work life balance with that kind of sucky timings?? But it is better than this month's one.. Let's just put it this way.. get use to it and you'll feel less miserable! :X

1. At least there're no more nights for a while
2. At least there're lesser wkends.. so maybe... just MAYBE I'll actually be able to hang out more
3. At least there I can take a cab without forking out my own $$.. despite the 20mins wait
4. At least I have a meal provided so that's decreased expenditure.. even though the meals always smell the same and look similar. (Did I mention that the smell emiting from the pantry is ALWAYS the same?? And the food trolley is always full! **hint hint**)

p/S: It's a torture having pple eating macdonalds and curry chicken sitting opposite me while I'm 'indulging' in hospital food..

oinked on 1:55 PM

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Saturday, August 28, 2010

The week has ended, marking the end of the 1 mth training as well. Been a really tiring week, however really enjoyable and rewarding one nevertheless. Saw many cases, rare ones, difficult ones, frustrating ones, dirty ones, explosive ones, etc. Worked with experienced ones, inexperienced ones, charming ones, irritating ones.. A brain stimulating week, needing to be constantly on the ball. Been a good workout week as well!! Missing lunch, working overtime, working non-stop.. Still I'm loving every bit of it!



More to come next week... Gonna be different as I'll be flying solo next week..



Nervous but all hyped up, excited and ready to rock and roll!!!!









On research note, good news came that W is pushing for the parent paper with Radiology. Hopefully we'll soon be able to push for part 2 of it in a year or so time...



The dream of every researcher.. RSNA.. It's a dream to be a participant.. but a bigger dream to stand on its stage.



Diagnostic Radiography students achieve a first in any Medical Radiation Science course in Australia

Finally, on an entertainment note, I highly recommend those who haven't been to watch Voyage de la vie, to go grab your tickets now! I'm sure many have seen the advertisement somewhere, somehow. The music is good.. the theme is interesting.. the acts were mesmerising. Really good! Highly recommend all to go watch it. I can safely say I can watch it another 10000000 times and I'll still go WWWWWAAAAHHHHHH.....

oinked on 4:02 PM

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