I need Crepe Erase. For my face.

It's not that I don't have crepey skin in the usual places. I'm sure I do. Jane "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" what's-her-name has showed me multiple times how to apply crepe erase to my arms and upper chest and I think neck. It's just that I'm overweight and  live in the frozen north, so those areas rarely, if ever, see the light of day.  

On the other hand, I've developed twin patches of crumpled looking skin just south of my irises and smack on top of my cheekbones. As a consequence, I've started putting extra eye cream there. But I'm not convinced that it's doing all that much good. 

Is this the dreaded fine lines and wrinkles that Bobbi Brown keeps telling me prevent me from looking good in traditional foundations? I mean, maybe it is, but I'm here to tell you that these fine lines and wrinkles aren't doing much for my spanking clean, freshly moisturized face, either.

I can't decide whether I should start with the gizmos being shilled on TikTok and YouTube, like the LED mask

or the 24 karat gold micro-needle stamping set

or just suck it up and head to my plastic surgeon.

It sounds like I'm kidding, but I actually do have a plastic surgeon. This is because my dermatologist is very interested in skin cancer and not at all interested in the fact that I don't look as young as I used to. So after my millionth full body scan to make sure I don't have skin cancer--again--and my hundredth tantrum about looking like Methusaleh's mother, he referred me to what I thought was a vanity dermatologist. Someone who could freshen me up, a la Goldie Hawn in First Wive's Club. But it turns out she's a bona fide plastic surgeon (with skin like buttuh, I might add) and if I hadn't mentioned a questionable sunspot on my left calf, I might have been talked into all kinds of scary and expensive procedures. As it was, I was biopsied and sent on my way.

But I could always go back and get fractional lasered or whatever.

Or maybe I should just drink more. WATER, of course. 

All of my clothes are teenagers.

Hello invisible internet friends! Long time no blog at. 

So I'm back on Weight Watchers. I started the first week of December, and my sensible friends wondered why in hell I was starting a diet plan right smack in the middle of the holidays. But that's exactly why I was doing it. I figured on the days when I wasn't at a party washing down frosted Christmas cookies with gallons of eggnog, I'd be eating my sensible scrambled eggs with dry whole wheat toast, and maybe things would balance out.

Instead, I've managed to lose 10 pounds since December 3rd. Yay me for apparently having a terrible social life!

At any rate, I decided to clear out my closet because with ten fewer pounds hanging around my waist, I suspected that my clothes would fit differently. I started with pants, and let me tell you; the Weight Watchers app doesn't include "trying on pants" as a possible exercise, but try on 20 pairs of pants and you will discover that it's an aerobic activity. 

So I now have some pants put aside to donate to my church rummage sale, some set aside because they are still too tight, and a few have moved front and center because lo, they zip. 

All that is to be expected. Less expected was the realization that most of my clothes are old enough to be Bar Mitvahed or maybe to sneak one of my cigarettes (although I don't smoke, so HA, take that, stupid clothes!)

And between this blog and FaceBook memories, I have incredible amounts of evidence of how long I've owned, for example, this black Worth dress

almost 13 years

or this black Tory Burch Simone sweater

even more, because it wasn't new here.

So I guess I'm back on WW not just to slim down a bit, but to lose so much weight that I have to buy a bunch of new clothes. Because at the moment I look like a throwback to the Obama administration. Or, because I don't want to get overly political in these parlous times, like an extra from an episode of Glee.

Midnight at the Oasis

We got back from Los Angeles late last night to a slew of packages. There were some clothes, which I’ll leave for a different post, but I was happy to see that my packages from Kiehl’s and Josie Maran had showed up

Because my hotel bathroom didn’t have any body lotion, so my skin is feeling particularly parched. 

Especially my cuticles. I brought a bottle of Solar Oil, but even painting it on half a dozen times a day didn’t do the trick. 

Those sample sizes are going into my travel kit ASAP! 

Pasadena pictures

 We’re having so much fun visiting our son in California! 

Dressed for a day of exploring. Regrettably wearing an ancient pair of skinny jeans. I excuse myself because they're not super skinny, but also because I have to keep wearing what I already own while I figure out what to do next. And I can't decide which direction I want to go with my next pairs. All I know is wide-legged and cropped is out. 

Other than that, at least the skinny jeans provide a much-needed relief from the Brooks Brothers, Ralph Lauren, J. Crew and Vineyard Vines. So there's that.

To think I used to rebel against my New England heritage. Not anymore! In the words of Max Bialystok in The Producers, "flaunt it baby, flaunt it!"

The daily spackle: Erborian BB creme, bronzer and blush for a healthy California glow, concealer, brows, lashes, and SPF lip balm.

First stop, Vroman's book store, founded in 1894 and still going strong.

I picked up a copy of Get Shorty, because I love the movie so much. (That's how it works with English majors. Loved the movie? READ THE BOOK.)

I did not pop for Poppy snacks.

Or napkins. Even though, strangely enough, this is my favorite Marimekko pattern of all time.

Next stop, meeting up with the firstborn for lunch.

I know it's difficult to believe he's my offspring, what with the height, slender build, and masses of hair. But I assure you, he is my spawn.

The Prep and the Metalhead after lunch at Green Street Restaurant. 

Then it was off to the Huntington for a walk through their Botanical Garden. 

 

A bamboo forest

We really enjoyed the desert section.

And we wound up the day at Sage Plant Based Bistro and Brewery, because the Metalhead is vegetarian.

Fried artichoke hearts and Buffalo-style cauliflower "chicken"--both excellent.

Followed by a fried avocado "fish taco."

And so to bed!

Seven things I can’t wait to go out of style

I flew into Los Angeles yesterday evening and spent today visiting my son, eating delicious food, shopping, visiting the Huntington Library and Botanic garden, and dining in Old Pasadena. I took lots of photographs, but somehow my laptop can't find them. 

So for today's post, a bit of a rant. These are things that have been around for a long time, and up until today, I've maintained a tactful silence about them. But three years of pandemic life have exhausted my patience, so I feel the urge to condemn the following:

Over-lined lips

This isn't fooling anyone. We can all see exactly where your upper lip ends. And bonus snark for all of that highlighter.

Heavy-handed bronzer

Oompa loompa doompety doo.

Glue-on acrylic fingernails

I'm not going to mention the underside of nails like these, and I hope you're not imagining it.

Popover blouses

Tell me you want to save labor costs without telling me you want to save labor costs. Then charge $168 for a shirt.

Cardigans without buttons

Again, cost-cutting disguised as fashion. This cardigan is 40 percent acrylic, doesn't button, is hideous, and yet, they expect me to spend $108 for it. 

Bumbags worn across the balcony

Of course, it wasn't difficult to find this look being modeled by a Kardashian. And while we're on the subject, 

Athleisure

I'm tired of everyone dressing like they're on their way to the gym. Even if I do it myself. Even if I'm jonesing for that puffer vest. 

Athleisure is the Starbucks skinny vanilla latte of style, and I'm over it. 

Nobody asked, but I'm answering anyway

The latest questions from Karen's latest Monday poll at Makeup and Beauty Blog:

Available at Cutely Covered for $55

1. Bucket hat or fedora?

Fedora for sure. But only in the fall/winter, and only if you really need to stay warm or keep the sun out of your eyes. The felt ones skew a little costume-y, a bit film noir, a bit Annie Hall.

The colored one above is a different matter, but it's not for the faint of heart. It's a look!

I kind of don't understand the point of bucket hats unless they have a very wide brim. Otherwise I get "tennis hat circa 1965." They're definitely a fashion thing at the moment, but mostly I get a feeling that he

Essential off-white cotton blend hat, available here for $45.00

is not happy, if only because he's going to end up with a major case of hat head. Also, $45.00? For a cotton hat?? COME ON.

2. What’s the longest you’ve been at sea?

I've been on three cruises, so if we're talking days at sea, as opposed to just being on a cruise ship, I suppose the passage from New York to Bermuda. I love it. I don't get seasick, and it's like going to a resort--I spend the whole time working out, getting treatments, walking around the deck, and reading. The process of getting on board the ship is both exhausting and nerve-wracking, but once you're on board, they take care of you. (Of course, this all happened pre-Covid.)

3. Bright magenta eyeshadow with black winged liner — yes or no?

Sure! On someone else. I can't even manage winged eyeliner, let alone combined with wild eyeshadow colors.

4. Something you’re looking forward to in April?

An end to the most current Chicago winter and two trips: the first to L.A., and the second to New York.

5. A scent that means something to you?

Don't they all? I mean, the ones we love. Scent memories are so evocative.


I guess for perfumes it would be Scherrer by Jean Louis Scherrer, a chypre that I started wearing in the 1980s and is strongly associated with the time I've spent with my husband.


In nature, it would be climbing out of the car after the long drive to New Hampshire and smelling the pine trees.

6. Whatcha wearing on your nails?

Shockingly enough, they are naked as jaybirds. I KNOW--where's my self-respect?

7. What’s one thing you can do today to set yourself up for a good Tuesday?

Well, this was a Monday post, after all, so I'm getting to it late. But since I'm flying to L.A. on Wednesday, I'd say do laundry, pack, and get enough sleep.

8. Do you enjoy spring?

Yes, yes, yes! When it finally arrives, it is beautiful. I love going to walks and admiring my neighbors' landscaping (mine is nothing to write home about, and in fact, is probably lowering property values on the entire block.)

9. Motorcycle jacket or trench coat?

Trench coat! I'm more Bogie than Brando.

And that's what I call a nice fedora. 

Apparently, we're all going bald: extrinsic factors

In my last post, I discussed the fact that our the changes we experience in our hair as we age appear to be part of the natural aging process. Because they are the result of diminishing hormone levels, there isn't really anything you can do about them unless you're willing to take medical steps. 

So, short of getting a hair transplant or starting to use Minoxidil (still the gold standard for encouraging hair regrowth) what can you do? 

Well, there are the nostrums and serums and speciality shampoos that I see advertised all over Facebook Instagram, and YouTube (yes, I know; I need to get a life.) 

But let's say that like me, you are either cheap or skeptical or both. 

What can you do to preserve your hair now, without going crazy buying new and unproven stuff?

Environmental factors you can control

First of all, I've already done the best thing I could do, which is stop dyeing my hair. 

Me in September, 2022, posing with a glamorous friend who has also grown out her gray. If you look closely, you can see about six inches of extremely faded color at the ends

Me in December, 2022, trying to pass as a blonde with my singing group. With a few more months of growth, I'm much more gray. I've also changed my part--more on that later.

.

I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble, but dyeing your hair damages it. Even if you're dyeing it a nice, not-very-showy brown. I mean, we all know that going platinum blonde fries your hair. But lifting the outer cuticle of your hair in order to deposit pigment damages your hair, even if you're not making a dramatic change in color.

Also, dyeing your hair is an ongoing, accelerating process. Once you've started using permanent color--let's say, to cover gray--your hair continues to get grayer. And this means you dye it more frequently and maybe keep the dye on longer so that the color will deposit better. I went from getting a root touch up every six weeks to being at the salon every two and a half weeks. That is a lot of time spent with  chemicals on my hair. 

Far be it from me to tell you what to do about your hair color. Just don't believe it if your hairdresser assures you that color doesn't damage your hair. Maybe it doesn't when you're 35 and you're using a semi-permanent shade, but by the time you're in your sixties, half of the hairs on your head are gray, and it takes a lot of processing to change that.

Also, anything that changes the texture of your hair, like permanents and straighteners, damages it. Even Keratin treatments, that use natural protein and make it sound so healthy and conditioning and blah blah blah, leave out the part where the stylist seals the protein onto your hair by flat-ironing it into a coma. 

Other hair stressors

Other environmental stressors include heat styling, UV exposure, using harsh products, and rough handling.

Heat styling

Air-drying is obviously safest, but when I air-dry my hair it ends up a frizzy, partly straight and partly wavy mess, so I blow it out it twice a week. 

Not mine, This is the original.
I bought the cheap copy from a Facebook ad, and yes, I should know better

But a lot of hair tools get extremely hot. My not-Revlon blowdryer does. I mean, I've seen steam rising off my hair when I use it at the highest temperature, which is the point where damage definitely occurs. So I'm going to make sure I never use it at the maximum heat setting, and I'm going to let it air-dry a bit longer before I start drying. 

The secret to making air-drying work is figuring out what products work for you. I recently tried R+Co's Park Avenue Blowout Balm, and it is fabulous--it tames, smooths, adds body, and doesn't weigh down my hair or make it get dirty faster. 

I don't use a curling iron or flat iron often--usually just when I'm traveling. Mostly I use my giant Conair heated rollers, and I wrap each strand in a tissue before I roll it up, like old-fashioned curling papers, so I think I'm OK there. 

But I hereby pledge to only use heat on my hair twice a week. And I'll keep it to a civilized temperature.

UV Exposure

To think that all this time I've been shielding my girlish complexion against the sun while letting my hair flap around in the breeze like one of those blow-up guys they use in used car lots. 

Not to mention hanging out in chlorine pools, spending hours on the beach, taking hour and a half long walks--all with no hat on ... I'm surprised my hair and I are still on speaking terms.

Well, no more. Baseball caps it is!

Shampoo, conditioner, and other products

You've probably already heard that you should steer away from shampoos containing sulfates. Sulfates increase a shampoos ability to lather, but they don't really help to clean your hair. They're not necessary, and they strip color and can be very drying. Even if you don't color your hair, because they're very drying, they can contribute to hair breakage. 

I rejoiced like crazy when I no longer had to protect my hair color by using expensive Oribe products. With a gladsome heart, I started buying Suave shampoos. 

But then I realized that maybe I should start using something less harsh and sulfate-y. I've already popped for some magically expensive Miriam Quevedo products, so that takes care of that.

Shampooing, brushing and combing

Gently does it. I solemnly swear to treat my hair like the Hermes scarf it is, instead of the dust rag it isn't. This means no scrubbing, no rough toweling, no brisk detangling, no enthusiastic plying of the hairbrush.

Traction Alopecia

I notice that a lot of us have a degree of thinning at the temples. Maybe it's inevitable? But since that's the first place that turns gray, maybe that's where our hair is most fragile. All I know is that that's the shot that appears in every video about expensive hair serums. They always pull their hair away from their faces and zero in on the hairline at the temples. 

I noticed my hairline is looking less lush, especially on the side my part is on. So I decided to first of all switch my part from one side of my head to the other. I want to give that side a chance to grow back. 

Also, no more wearing my hair in a ponytail all damned day long. I used to put it in a ponytail to do yoga or workout and then kept it that way for hours. From henceforth, that has to stop.

Also, I'm using looser scrunchies and bobby pins instead of relying on covered elastic bands.

In conclusion

Here's TL:DR version of this drivelathon: Even if when you were young, you had hair so long, strong, and lustrous that you could use it to swing from tree to tree a la Tarzan, that is probably no longer the case. If the new normal is finer and thinner than it used to be, you need to stop taking your hair for granted and start pampering it.