Finally Closure / Thursday, June 03, 2010
Hi.....to all the kaypoh people reading this....i didnt think actually ppl would read this...so thanks for it anyway......okie enough of crap....
I guess ultimately, dragging on with false hope is just torturing for the soul, and having closure is what i really needed. It started off well at first, but when school started and schedules clashed, it just seemed harder and harder to meet up and keep in touch. Timing and location is really key and they were non-existent for most it.....So it was really doomed to begin with. It was quite obvious that things were already not working out, but still I held on stubbornly to the faint hopes that I wanted myself to believe it. But at least now it is over.
Am I sad? I reckon sadness and disappointment will inherently be present as if they weren't present, nothing would ever happen in the first place. Thus, I have accepted it and I guess I was already pondering over the issue for a long time, just not wanting to admit defeat. Hence, the pain inside is not as bad, but nevertheless still present. It was after all still nice and warm memories, the time that we spent together. A part and parcel of growing up and truly understanding who I really am and I need and want.
To a certain extent, I am glad it is finally closed. At least now there are no uncertainty in that matter. You asked if we could still be friends, I guess I'll safely say yes. I am not disgruntled as you may think I may be but seriously, I was quite put off when you said that you were such a bad person and stuff like that. I'm ok with us being just friends and was already prepared for it. It was awkward at that time, but seriously I can't help but think about the two times and the fact that it had to be at the station. What a coincidence......
Oh well, sadness may still loom, and the tinge of soreness may linger on for awhile. But I believe that it is better this way and I will definitely learn much from this experience. Be swift and precise....haha....24SA motto.....I guess I let the chances slip by carelessly and perhaps overconfidently. That is something that I learn and bear in mind....
For now, I guess its just living for myself and ponder more about what I really want in life, while I spend the remaining month left in London......Alone? not really for I still have friends (if u are reading this...) who still adds colour to my life..........
Life is about enjoying the bits and pieces of memories that coalescence along the journey be it good or bad..........So enjoy it, savour it, and remember it..............
/drugged...........
11:44 pm
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existence..... / Tuesday, February 09, 2010
this is something that I wrote somewhere when i was bored in ghent during the first wk....i think i should share it since the existence of that somewhere is not known.........
existence of man
“I think therefore I am?” Is this dictum really true? What constitutes one’s existence? Is it the melodic sounds that one hears or the sweetness of food that one tastes? Can the presence of the five senses justify one’s true existence or is there more that is needed before we can definitely vindicate our being.
Sometimes in life, we come across different situations when we question our existence, when we ask ourselves if we are truly alive or is it just a fabric of imagination of another being. How then can we know that we are existing?
For starters, memory is the sine qua non of knowing that we are truly in the present and hence knowing that what we sense around us are happening at that instant. When we can remember that an event has occurred in the past, it signifies that we are currently in a state that we know is the present and because of being in this state, we also can vindicate that we are actually living life as it happens. Thus, this justifies our existence. With regard to this theory, can we say that people who has lost their memories as truly existing or are they just unconsciously operating as their in-built body system tells them to. I cannot judge on that but only remark that memories, be it good or bad, are still the proofs that we exist, thus should be treasured.
Our five senses may seem like they have always been there and thus we often take them for granted. However, one should cherish this gift. To be able to taste the food that your loved ones cook for you; to see the gifts that they bring; to hear the songs they sing; to smell their sweet scent and to feel their gentle touch is a proof that one truly exist. When these senses are lost, we will question if what we sense is really that thing and not being able to decipher that will hang a question mark over our existence. On hindsight, we should not dismiss our senses as it is a sign that we are truly alive and experiencing these sensations as they unfold. We should prize our senses whenever we are using them as this vindicates our sole existence and also this will help us appreciate and feel what is around us that we always take for granted.
To exist is to remember and to sense. Only when we come to terms with this, can we be truly alive and thus appreciate every tiny details that surrounds us. So remember the past and feel the sensations, and then only you know that you truly exist.
/drugged...........
9:13 pm
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2nd cycle... / Monday, February 08, 2010
Finally, it has been two cycles of the zodiac calender for my existence. The first cycle has been rather carefree......being a kid growing up is really easy......jus having fun and being told off at times.....but at least the future seem like a distant thought
the 2nd cycle however is different. it is when we discover that we are really heading into adulthood.....no longer are we children.....our very actions will have direct bearings on ourselves and mostly only we are accountable for them.....the future is now a real thing...something that is unfolding as we live each day.....
having about 5 months left, i feel rather sad that its time to part from this chaotic, yet wonderful city that i call 'home'. Looking ahead, there are still much uncertainties and some detestable issues. the past few months have been eventful as i have to say that i am still uncertain.....should i chase the one that may only bring more disappointments or should i take up the one that is waiting for me? i do not know at this time, and i am too tired up with work to really ponder over it........how did my relaxing semester turn out to be so taxing? REAL-TIME DSP.....oh well...it is a choice that i made, and a right one i presume as there is no exam so i should forge forward....it really isnt that bad................................
enough of rantings..........i really enjoyed myself for the past few days...having yummy dim sum and having a nice bday party.....also there is my dream drive coming soooooooooooon....500hp of torque...haha..here i come.......its time to live for myself and only myself, the selfish actions of others will have minimal effect on me........................i shall be selfish for myself!!!!!!!!
/drugged...........
10:19 pm
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A New Decade, new hopes and uncertainties / Thursday, January 07, 2010
With the strike of the clock, the new decade has arrived, and thus signalling the final 6 months of my undergrad life. How fast time flies. 2.5 yrs ago, I was still a lost student heading for an overseas life, but now I am a senior looking ahead of my life after school (somewhat).
Though I feel like reflecting on the decade, i reckon that will just take up too much time. So I will just weigh my 2009. It was a rather enjoyable, turbulent year, with lots of ups and downs. But I will have to say that it was definitely better than 2008. Disappointments coupled with elations, is that what life always have. Nevertheless, I feel that 2009 made me more aware of who I am and also allowed me to be more outgoing.
The year ahead seems so short and fast, with all the school work and other important life-affecting decisions like my future work. I will definitely prefer more time but well thats life and it stops for no one. The future still holds much uncertainties and distractions but I'm sure that if i believe in myself, i will be able to move on with much fortitude. Some things have to be put in perspective so that I can steer towards a proper goal and it will hopefully turn out well.
After much ranting, its time to get b to work.......Life of a IC student, eating B&J while programming MATLAB..........
/drugged...........
9:44 pm
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Randomness / Saturday, June 27, 2009
I am bored.......but still have to study vhdl for my internship....cant wait for the time in ghent...though i will be alone, i'm sure it will be a fruitful experience as it will only be me and no other ppl that i know.........
yay...7 more weeks and i'll be back home...cant wait to go home......my hopes have been answered ...though the timings of events have not been ideal it turned out pretty well and im grateful for that.......really want to just fly home but i guess good things needs patience........cant wait for the wonderful time that i will no doubt have when i return.........
okie...back to vhdl..............i think i shld take it slowly cos it is quite mad to cram a 3rd yr course in 1 day................................................
/drugged...........
9:14 pm
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happy....sha laa laa / Thursday, June 18, 2009
Exams are over finally.......after 4 wks and 11 papers...i have emerged numbed by the numerous transforms and calculations...........
heading to amsterdam in a few hrs.....feeling tired yet high....haha....yay...this must be exam syndrome.....
it was a fruitful day too.....yay...cant wait for wat the future lies.......i guess this post is abit random....oh well...haha
/drugged...........
12:43 am
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feeling a little bored / Wednesday, May 06, 2009
haiz...exams are less than 1 mth away...but alr feeling the blues.....oh well....
also feeling abit emo....dunno why....maybe its becos......of the timings of events....things not actually following the intended plan...but its still in check....
arh.....i shld just go back to the books......really cant w8 for exam to end....then i place things into order and perspective...and also go to ghent in belgium...yay...6 weeks of attachment where i can try as much diff kind of beer as possible.......
/drugged...........
10:09 pm
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