i thought about you all the way to Target ( so much better than thinking about my haircut )

and all the way back home

last night i cried and felt guilty about crying

because i don't have cancer ( that i know of ) and our kids are healthy and we are together

and so really, there isn't any excuse to be crying over hair.

i'm just so tired of people being shitty.

the lady who cut my hair? she was shitty. she talked ( read: lectured ) to me the entire time she cut my hair about how long hair really just doesn't work when you are a mom. she tried to get out of shampooing my hair. she got out of blowdrying it. and she cut, instead of the 2 inches I asked- and showed her with my fingers at her request- I'd say about 5 inches of my hair off. All the golden blonde at the end is gone. And then she charged me out the ass for what took her not 15 minutes to do. 

And I"m the idiot. I tipped her.

I kept thinking about her kids, and how she said she couldn't afford to visit them, and how she was probably angry at me for walking in beaming and happy with my baby and husband when she was divorced and alone during the holidays. I think she wanted to cut me down a size. So she cut me down about 5 inches.

it's just HAIR, Maggie. i know! but-but- my hair is the one thing I can depend on to make me feel pretty. i'm underslept and haggard looking, i don't have time for makeup right now, i don't have hardly any clothes that are cute and fit me, and my hair is the thing that I would use when I felt like a sloppy tired looking mess: Oh well! At least I love my hair! 

it's not a 'big' deal. it feels like one to me, because it's the one more thing.

i've had a few rough experiences lately with grumpy, unhappy people who don't know how to sit at the grown up table and talk politely when they disagree. i'm tired of raised, angry voices and sharp, dented faces.

sometimes the world feels so unfriendly and lonely.

thank God for you.

+

Iconic

andbaman

a beautiful mind

by Matthew Kavan Brooks

Lola, Ever & Mommy

I've Got A Crush On Demi Lavato and Selena Gomez

Because they've both made my Lola smile so big, so often.

Because they are living the dream.

Because Demi Lavato got help when she needed it, and then went public with her Bipolar diagnosis = COURAGE

Because they both can act and sing and work hard to earn what they have.

Because they are adorable!

Because Demi has said that Selena was the first friend to call her in the institution she went to for help, and one of her only celebrity friends to do so at all.

Because we love Demi's voice and Selena's show. Rock on girls!

A Few Things Off My Back

1 When you speak to me, be sure to turn away and walk out of the room, or I won't know you are talking to me. My family has trained me. I no longer respond to directly facing, eye contacting communication. Also, please turn with an annoyed look on your face when I ask you to repeat what you were saying, because I couldn't  hear you, maybe because you were IN THE OTHER ROOM WITH YOUR BACK TO ME.

2. It doesn't matter if socks match during winter. Abandon caring, planning, trying, sorting, caring, because you won't find more than one pair of socks that match. Let go. You're wearing pants. Jeans! Let go. No one knows. Except for all of you people. And you're my people anyway, so you don't care either. Where are the socks? Why aren't they in the sock & underwear drawer? Who keeps socks there! That's so 2010! All socks are to directly report to the baby's crib.

3.  Stop arguing over the television. Lola, Ian, I'm talking to you. STOP. 

4. Mr. Curry, I appreciate that you were trying to feed our baby when she was hungry and fussing. If you could attempt next time to take off her brand new adorable jacket she was supposed to wear today on our trip to LA, that would be great. Even greater, don't hand the squirty  pouch of food to our nine year old daughter to feed our 11 month old daughter who promptly turned to our 11 month old daughter and said Here! and let her take it and feed. herself. 

5. OK that's it. The TV is off. Now no one gets to watch it! And, added bonus, I sound just like my mom! ( ps This is the real reason most people have like ten televisions. I'm on to you. )

6.  Ever, have you ever heard the phrase Don't Bit The Boob That Feeds You? No. No you haven't.

7. I never knew the keyboard was meant to be a drink holder! Thanks Ian and Lola! I can't believe how much better our computer works now that it has baby tangerine juice, Root Beer and some unidentified veal colored substance stuck between the keys! Who uses a capital z anyway!

8.  On that note, cribs are not meant for babies. Cribs are sold for babies, but meant for socks, old Halloween decorations, an empty oversized bag of chocolate covered pretzels, a giant rainbow colored Hello Kitty doll, teenage boy deodorant ( meant to seduce girls, assuming you can get them close enough to smell your armpits ) wooden blocks, one earring, Pet Shop toys and a really, really, really used nursing bra.

9. Sex is also so 2010, according to Lola and Ever. One whines, sulks and exhibits Freudian behaviors when Mr. Curry gets within a one foot radius of me, and the other wakes suddenly in a start, wild eyed with apparent shock and fear that mom and dad were going to TOUCH. O. M. G.

I'm convinced this is some kind of biological protective measure that children exhibit to prevent further competition in the family unit. 

10. If I'm relaxed for longer than one minute, something extremely loud and incredibly close will happen. On like donkey kong. So far I've only been relaxed longer than one minute twice, but both times, there were immediate consequences. Constant vigilance!

ps

Lola you know how you keep repeating, in a high high voice like a balloon letting out air, that Ian or Dakota is doing this just to annoy me? I know just how you feel.

Bad Baby

 Just because you say Mama and it sounds like banana? Doesn't mean  you can do whatever you want...

 ...at least not all the time

 Ever don't eat that mum-mum off the floor! Oh well. Eat it.

 Ever....

 I hope you aren't going to....

 Dig the dirt out of the pot!

 Oh dear.

 You think you're hard. Just because we nicknamed you Biggie Pea.

 You know you aren't allowed to climb in the fridge Ever Elizabeth!

 Where is Ever? Ever!? Ever? ..............

 Oh THERE she is.

Mommy and Daddy won't let me!

Grandma and Dakota will let me!

The dogs will let me too.

( BTW I have your keys Grandma. Sorry! )

Luke Lipscomb

Today Luke died. I didn't know him, I never met him, but my heart is breaking for the loss of his beautiful young life and for his parents. His parents. His parents. Our Dakota moved from Rancho Bernardo High to Poway High with Luke; they were casual friends but friends And today, Luke died. The day before today, he turned 17.

Dakota is 17. All of you parents know that without wanting it to be so, without meaning to, when a child dies who is the same age as one of your children, you feel it differently, a slight shift in the plunge of empathy and you are caught a little deeper off guard, a little closer to the vortex, the unimaginable vortex of losing a child.

17 year old boys are light, but light's movement- they are light moving through the world, they are at once energy's greatest release and the longest sleep of weekend days. 17 year old boys are arrogant, prideful and still the tenderhearted little boys of seven years ago. Seven years ago they were ten. 17 year old boys are brightness of mind and quickness of tongue at the same time they are stumble mouthed, they are beautiful youth, Adonis, they are working tendons and lean armpits filled with hair that still feels new, they are sexual charges and random bursts of rage, they are catapults for joy and creative forces. 17 year old boys are long striding runs through back alleys and jumps on skateboards through parking lots, 17 year old boys are climbing fences and driving cars. 17 year old boys are brilliant smiles and sweaty shirts and stink pit rooms and guzzling water and slamming heads to music and shouts, shouts, and 17 year old boys are the promise of tomorrow, they are just begun.

How can what just begun be ended?

I know it is not a new question. But it boggles my mind the same. How can a light so bright as the one from a young man's smile be extinguished forever because of one stupid night? However long I live, I don't expect to ever get used to the random nature of life and death. It is heartbreaking.

My son is sad tonight. I am sad tonight. Luke Lipscomb, I'm so sorry you lost your life sweet boy.
I am praying hard for you and your family now.

EDITED

Etsy Christmas Gift Guide for Babies, Toddlers and Young Children

This is amazing! Vintage Japanese wooden block set.

Hand made vintage style wooden block shopping set from 1950's ads

Gracious May shoes are always on my favorites list

I ordered a wooden baby spoon for Ever from here a while back, and they make these teethers

These pillows are all adorable, from the mustached toast to this pink cassette player

I love this wooden puzzle set, which can be used in so many ways, including stacking in a pyramid

This is such a beautiful mobile

Waldorf toys, mushroom counting and sorting

This post is created simply for my own amusement and blog, I'm getting nothing from it but my own satisfaction! :)