29.12.05

Movie Review: King Kong (2005)

Starring: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody, Andy Serkis
Directed by: Peter Jackson (LOTR)

the highly hyped and critically acclaimed remake of the 1933 quintessential monster movie delivers on almost all levels.

[mild spoiler alert - read accordingly]

Plot: having not seen the original, i can only compare it to the various spoofs and homages paid to the classic through cartoons and such references. King Kong is an epic story told in three acts. the most recent movie to follow this formula was Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World. act 1: backstory, narrative set-up. act 2: island fun. act 3: new york, new york. the less patient may complain of the length (3 hrs 7 min) and the various points of monotany (chugging boat gears) that perforate an otherwise action-packed film. The movie seeks to cover almost every genre known to film. set in mid-Depression 1933, the first act touches on the harsh times (after watching Cinderella Man all the Depression references were pretty easy to pick up), framing the desperation and climate of a populace in need of distraction. There are dashes of vaudeville schtick (i kept thinking of those vaudeville guys on Family Guy) and mild romance to provide that distraction, but they are inevitably brushed aside for the things that matter (i.e. dinosaurs). at the outer core lies the whole monster horror/thrill/suspense/action ride where you can turn your brain off for a few minutes and enjoy senseless adrenaline. at the heart of the movie is the relationship between beauty and beast: Ann Darrow (Watts) and Kong (Serkis). where the original played up a certain amount of sexual tension between Darrow (Fay Wray) and a rapacious Kong, Peter Jackson recreates a more touching relationship (not physical touching -- heartstring pulling touching). other (actual) critics have touched on this aspect, wondering why that part was 'tamed' and Peter Jackson deftly addresses it early in the movie when Jack Black's character Carl Denham is pleading his case before a panel of movie executives. one of them asks if his movie will have boobies (since people only watch movies with boobies), and Denham calls him an idiot.

Visuals: breath-taking. from glittering cityscapes to towering jungles, King Kong is definitely worth the price of admission. the cgi is improved in comparison to the LOTR movies. Kong himself is beautifully crafted, based on actual gorilla specifications and animated with life-like precision by Andy Serkis (Gollum/Smeagol) after he spent two months studying gorillas in Jane Goodall fashion. the cinematography is gorgeous throughout, but gets a bit melodramatic towards the end. but since it's 1933, that's probably an intentional tribute.

Dialogue: having not seen the original, i cannot exactly tell if they followed the same script in this remake. however, the intonations and diction was anachronistically 21st century. dialogue definitely took a back seat in this movie and i think i could have watched it deaf and still understood everything.

Soundtrack: epic, as characteristic of the only Peter Jackson films i've seen. the tracks were evocative and spot-on. there isn't much else to comment on as i wasn't really paying attention to it.

Characters:
Carl Denham - this character is Jack Black's first crack at a 'serious' protrayal and i thought he did an outstanding job of it. as a desperate movie producer in search of 'the big one' (film, that is) Denham coerces those closest to him into a dangerous expedition all for the perfect film. Black's best scene is his Super Saiyin moment. his true allegiances are shown in counterpoint to the supposed monster.
Jack Driscoll - Adrien Brody plays a sensitive screenplay writer and third-wheel to the Ann-Kong relationship. his acting is above average -- emotive and all that -- but his nose sort of steals each scene.
King Kong - gorillas are usually considered ugly in my books and only cool under certain contexts (such as smashing stuff). this latest incarnation of King Kong is easily the most life-like, not just because of technological advances. the mannerisms and physical acting spoke volumes of Kong's inner lonliness and his jealous protection of that connection to Ann.
Ann Darrow - Naomi Watt's performance has opened my eyes. first to her striking resemblance to fellow Australian Nichole Kidman; second to her screaming skill. she doesn't say much so most of the acting is done facially. Watts does a brilliant and beautiful job (considering a lot of her screentime is spent with the computer generated and not physically present Kong) and now i have a huge crush on her.

Overall: watch this movie, plain and simple. the only failing really is the dialogue, which is uninspired and boring (it ain't no gilmore girls -- closer to smallville in terms of melodrama).

* * * * 3/4

25.12.05

Rufus Wainwright - Across the Universe

words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
they slither while they pass, they they slip away across the universe.
pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
possessing and caressing me.

Jai Guru Deva, Om

nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.
nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.

images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
they call me on and on across the universe.
thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
they stumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.

Jai Guru Deva, Om

nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.
nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.

sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
through my open mind inciting and inviting me.
limitless, undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,
and calls me on and on across the universe.

Jai Guru Deva, Om

nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.
nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.
nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.
nothing's gonna change my world,
nothing's gonna change my world.

Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
...

22.12.05

"The Real Old Testament"

The Real Old Testament - more clips

21.12.05

Canadian Men's Olympic Team Announced

and like every other arm-chair coach, i must put forth my ideal lineup given the roster submitted by Team Canada:

Goal: Martin Brodeur, Roberto Luongo, Marty Turco

Defense: Rob Blake, Adam Foote, Ed Jovanovski, Scott Niedermayar, Chris Pronger, Wade Redden, Robyn Regehr

Forward: Todd Bertuzzi, Shane Doan, Kris Draper, Simone Gagne, Dany Heatley, Jarome Iginla, Vincent Lecavalier, Rick Nash, Brad Richards, Joe Sakic, Ryan Smyth, Martin St. Louis, Joe Thornton

Reserve: Bryan McCabe, Jason Spezza, Eric Staal.

in goal, the decision is fairly easy: go in alphabetical order. Brodeur and Luongo both have a wealth of international experience and were pretty much shoo-ins. Turco has earned his spot on this roster and will likely get at least one game in if Brodeur's knee acts up.

the defense pairings will be quite impressive, with each pair featuring a smooth skating puck carrier with a nard-nosed basher: 1) Niedermayar/Pronger 2) Redden/Regehr 3) Jovanovski/Blake

the forward lines are fairly straight forward with one intent in mind -- scoring:
1) Gagne/Sakic/Iginla - speed and skill is the name of this line's game. both Gagne and Sakic can weave their way in to make the plays. Iginla is strong along the boards. All have proven that they can finish plays.
2) Nash/Thornton/Bertuzzi - this is the power line. with a collective height of 18'10" and weighing 653 lbs. this line is HUGE. Thornton has existing chemistry with Nash from last year's stint in the Swiss League. Bertuzzi has something to prove, so he might as well muscle open shooting lanes for Nash and Thornton.
3) Staal/Spezza/Heatley - this is like line 1: redux. speed, skill and dexterity. Spezza's on-ice vision is only magnified by wingers who can pull away from defenders and finish plays. All three are capable snipers and you'll probably see their names bunched near the top of the scoring list at the end of the season.
4) St. Louis/Richards/Lecavalier - the Tampa Bay Trio round out my forward lines. with more speed and more skill. Richards is a very good two-way player and if the other two concentrate on a very agressive forecheck this could possibly be the least physical, but highest scoring checking line ever.

as you can see, i've forgone the traditional score-score-grind-check lines and opted for the score-smash/score-score-score lines because our defense is huge, backed by at least two goalies that can really handle the puck (Martin and Marty) and one that thrives on being shot at (Luongo). should we come up against a team with one or two razzle-dazzle lines (sweden, russia) then Doan, Smyth and Draper can be slotted in as a genuine checking line to shut them down.

17.12.05

caption challenge #1!

below is an excellent picture (excellent as defined by me).
please send in possible captions, via comment, by next saturday, december 24, 8:00pm.

we'll start off with an easy one:

JONATHAN HAYWARD/CP PHOTO

10.12.05

Calvin and Hobbes - Nov. 21, 1993

i learned a lot today

poor stefanie lawton. shannon kleibrink's third just happened to be a billion times better than yours (kasner). however, props to gushue.

----------------------------------

while watching curling!

a) people actually trip over rocks and fall! it happened last night! she walked into the opposing team's rock and took a small spill. i don't know the official ruling on that, so i looked it up: canadian curling rules

b) hog lines are wired underneath the ice with detectors coinciding with circuitry found in the handle of each rock. lights on the rock will light up if a hand remained on the rock handle as it passes the near hog line to indicate a delivery fault.

c) even curlers have sports psychologists, to deal with the mental rigours of competition. hee!

d) the hottest canadian curler is jennifer jones, skip of the 2005 canadian national team

5.12.05

My November Will Be As Good As Keanu's Acting In Sweet November General

a) PSCD01 debate project
[.] edit and compile and print the debate position paper
[.] debate and refute (tuesday november 8, 7:10 pm)

very interesting. the debate itself was okay. good thing no one cares.

b) ASTB21 mini-project
[.] compile and edit the slideshow presentation
[.] compile and edit the report on volcanism and tectonics in the solar system
[.] present (tuesday november 15, 2:10 pm)
[.] assignment #4 (tuesday november 22)

yay grade 5 level knowledge.

c)ENGB42 essay
[.] on The Stone Angel. i still don't think i have a thesis. (tuesday november 22 24)

i should probably start...

d) ENGB03 response essay
[.] passage analysis (wednesday november 23)

almost done...

e) ENGB02 research essay
[.] annotated bibliography (monday november 21)
[.] on Poor Things. i still don't have part of a thesis. (monday november 28 december 5!)

longest essay ever written (by me)

f) ETP seminar
[.] November 30, 7-9pm B340 (don't forget to attend this time)

g) Christmas celebration play
[.] plot Act I [.] script
[.] plot Act II
[.] plot Act III
[.] plot Act IV

h) Aletheia winter camp
[.] registration form (friday november 25)

4.12.05

winter elections have no winners,
only whiners and weiners.

prior to our last federal election in 2004, i took a gander at the political platforms of our major parties (click title link). as we will soon be having another, i thought i'd take a break from essay writing and exam studying to take another gander. now i have two ganders. the liberals don't mind two ganders marrying, but the conservatives do.

the Liberal Party: fronted by the embattled Paul Martin, the federal finance minster who didn't notice 250 million dollars being funnelled into adscams in Quebec.

it's been 12 years of liberal rule and they've been an entertaining bunch. the 2004 election resulted in a minority government for the red team and this most recent term featured much hilarity in caucus.

a) Mississauga-Erindale MP, Carolyn Parrish
this outspoken minister's big mouth against both Bush and Martin led to her firing from the Liberals in november 2004. her anti-Bush sentiments, while echoing the opinions of a lot of informed and uninformed Canadians alike, were out of line. Martin's attempts to beseech more tact in regards to our southern neighbours only resulted in her pretty much telling him and the party to "go to hell." she retained her seat in Parliament as an independent and has since stepped down from politics after the government was voted down a few days ago.

b) Newmarket-Aurora MP Belinda Stronach
on the proverbial eve of a possible government overthrowing in may 2005's federal budget voting, Belinda Stronach, daughter of Magna Corporation founder Frank Stronach and York University drop-out, crossed the floor to join the Liberals, swinging the budget vote narrowly in favour of the minority government. citing irreconcilable differences with party leader Stephen Harper, his bedmate, Le Bloc Quebecois, and certain party policies, Belinda Stronach dumped the Conservative Party two years after helping form the party and a year after vying for its leadership. In doing so, she also dumped her then boyfriend Peter MacKay, deputy leader of the Conservatives. She was immediately promoted to human resources minister by Paul Martin. The Newmarket-Aurora riding is predicted to be one of the hotly contested seats this coming election. Many who voted for Belinda the first time around when she won narrowly by 689 votes are still smarting from her treachery.

like i said: hilarious.

that aside, the Liberal Party hasn't really changed. they remain the safe, and ironically conservative vote as they try to not rock any boats. embroiled in the controversy of the sponsorship scandal, Liberals would love to avoid controversies at all cost, but they just keep popping up.

internally, as a throwback from Martin's finance minister days, the Liberals like to whittle away at the country's huge debt with budget surpluses.
internationally, the Liberals are still safe and conservative, occasionally butting heads with the States on trade issues (softwood lumber, cattle), so they're goody-goody, but not very ambitious in pursuing any particular courses of action. this laissez-faire attitude has perplexed most people, most notably Bono Vox of U2 on the humanitarian front.

their 2006 campaign will probably follow the same winning formula that we've seen for so many years now, tax-cuts and happy promises that will somehow get accidentally swept under the rug. and time permitting, they will probably demonize Stephen Harper, just like the Republicans did to John F. Kerry.

the Conservative Party, formerly known as the Progressive Conservative and Canadian Alliance (formerly known as the Canadian Reform-Alliance (formerly known as the Alliance and Reform parties) Party) Parties: lead by Stephen Harper, who just can't seem to find an identity.

The Conservative Party is was the official opposition party of Canada. Harper, and by extension the whole party, plays this role to the hilt and insists on contradicting everything Liberal and red. i'll bet he hates strawberries. backseat grumblings indicate that if Harper loses this election (that he finally had the cajones to call himself), he will be ousted from party leadership.

where Harper goes, the party follows. the Conservatives have lost a lot of credibility (at least in my opinion) because of Harper's 'leadership'. he leads about as well as i can keep 4-4 time (not very well). he doesn't actually lead, per se, but rather waits for the Liberals to do something, and then tries to contradict it.

they recently offered to cut the GST to 5%. but then they proceeded to explain their math and that was much less appealing.

the New Democratic Party: Jack Layton, puppet of Olivia Chow.

when i first saw Jack Layton with his wife i immediately thought, "Oh no! Yoko Ono!" i have no empirical basis for this opinion, but i've decided to keep it because it makes me laugh. thus, i believe that Olivia Chow is the actual party leader of the NDP. since no one would vote for a woman (let alone a Chinese woman) after Kim Campbell's short-lived tenure as PM, Chow needed a white, male puppet. too bad no one voted for her in her own riding. she certainly is more strong-willed and assertive than Harper.

the NDP was suddenly thrust into the spotlight in the previous government when they held the swingvotes. the Liberals needed the NDP to vote for them on key issues which gave the NDP a substantial amount of sway - the little big man on caucus.

NDP policies are centrist and they try to be a voice for the common wo/man, rather than for the bigshot businesses like the Liberals and Conservatives. but since the businesses are bigshot no one really listens to the NDP unless they really HAVE to.

Le Bloq Quebequois: Gilles "so serious that i can't make fun of him" Duceppe.

the Bloc have followed their gameplan for many decades. hate Canada! separate!
in a vain attempt to garner votes Duceppe vowed to form a Quebec national hockey team (brodeur, luongo, theodore, lecavalier, st. louis, lemieux, gagne, briere, bergeron, briesbois, desjardins). of course IIHF only recognizes actual countries in their tournaments. at least this idea has put the Bloc on people's minds, fruitless as it may be. worth the laugh.


in any case, i stand by my previous stance:

2.12.05

you got me

tagged by sharon

5 random facts

1) hoimin is a reference to the mouse in the short cartoon "Herman and Catnip" from "Huey and Friends". the mouse was named Herman and he had three nephews (just like Daffy Duck and Toucan Sam) who all had severe linguistic disabilities. everytime Catnip trapped them they'd squeal, "uncko hoimin! uncko hoimin! catnip's got us! help! help!"

2) i was a relationship counselor in grade 8 and made business mainly by causing the ruckuses myself.

3) i wanted to be a birdwatcher back in grade 3. when i realized the utter lack of financial gain, i ditched that dream for becoming an astronomer. then a baseball player. then a comic book artist. then a paleontologist.

4) my earliest childhood memory was of my first trip to hong kong in 1986. i kissed my aunt's dog (i think it was a black lab.), in a spontaneous display of joyous affection, right on the nose just as he greeted me when the door opened. i acquired a lip infection as a result. however, i do not recall the flight on which i walked up and down the plane aisle charming my way to bits of cheese from other passengers, but i apparently did so and was good at it.

5) i had the biggest crush on this girl named jessica. she had hazel eyes and luscious, curly brown hair -- easily the prettiest girl in grade 1. we were usually the first ones to finish our handwriting assignments (grade 2 stuff!). one time i barfed in the hall after an assembly and she was the one who wrapped a jacket around me and patted my back. in grade 2 she taught me how to braid her hair, but i got in trouble for doing it during story time and had to sit a two-minute time-out staring at the paper towel dispenser. we were split up into different classes in grade 3, after which i changed schools and never saw her again.

24.11.05

In Season and Out of Season - Margaret Avison

Today the blueness burns
inbetween new greens and space's
soundless blackness.
Yet we even now
discern more, cry;
No, lovely as May is
we would hear more.

Moses, you are the voice
the Voice spoke with.
Centuries have not, will not,
still that, therefore. The marvel
of the pitched cradle of reeds, the appeal
to a ruler-murderer's daughter's
mothering heart, the barter
of true for foster care that became both;
your growing,
that unexceptional miracle
of years: it all made way for
what? One small pure drop --
anticipation? hope? -- hung on life's
strange leaf-edge; trembling in the light
for years, for all your years indeed,
for "By faith Moses...".* It is said.
Exult in warmth and depth
of branches here? Yes, and yet Antarctica
in this same season,
snarls, pounces, gnaws -- even while
today the earth
rejoices in deliverance in this zone.
Moses, your early privilege turned
when you saw abuse into
an alienating cause? What burned
was not the authorities' heartless
indignation, not
mute slaves', not
even your own
violent indignation, in the end.
Bare-soled on desert sand
you bowed,
you bartered with your seclusion for
your people's whole concern,
the Other's deep concern,
finally given to both.
For many days
here, a sagging cloud and stiff
dark mat of branch and twig,
clacking, entombed us all. Now that winter's over
the trees and shrubs are thimbleberried with
chestnut flowers, with deep-breathed lilacs.
Moses, how does your solitary death --
and you went up the lonely crags
as bidden --
follow? Did the Voice
seek silence then? from faith
were you led ... further?
It may be heaven is the
light that ... conceals?

Your longing then was
not so much to
realize the Land for you were
sure about the Land
long since by faith,
but to be brought
where the celestial Other would
be known in fullness
however dark?

He saw the Lord. He, Moses, was seen
transfigured too, in mountain light, when
much was made plain by once
caring enough to pray to be
blotted out.
(For he had stood among his
fractious protesting people; he
recognized too his own
moment of failure to
stand with the Voice, heeding instead
an unholy flare of
exasperated nature. Once. Enough.)
Not in season, in the revolving
solar system, in which we turn
changeably, always.
Not without the appalling
lightless depth. Not but as a way station
perhaps is the
unimaginable light where
all maybe is plain.

9.11.05

who do you like?

i won't tell anyone else.
if you tell me, i'll tell you who i like.

4.11.05

i've lost interest

in pokemon.

this is a big, emotional step towards growing up.

29.10.05

Genesis Rabba 38

on why Abraham was chosen by God, based on Joshua 24:2-3.

And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods. And I took your father Abraham from the other side of the flood, and led him throughout all the land of Canaan, and multiplied his seed, and gave him Isaac.

writers of midrash had so much fun...
Terah, the father of Abraham and Haran, was a dealer in images as well as a worshipper of them. Once when he was away he gave Abraham his stock of graven images to sell in his absence. In the course of the day an elderly man came to make a purchase. Abraham asked him his age, and the man gave it as between fifty and sixty years. Abraham taunted him with want of sound sense in calling the work of another man's hand, produced perhaps in a few hours, his god; the man laid the words of Abraham to heart and gave up idol worship. Again a woman came with a handful of fine flour to offer to Terah's idols, which were now in charge of Abraham. He took a stick and broke all the images except the largest one, in the hand of which he placed the stick which had worked this wholesale destruction. When his father returned and saw the havoc committed on his 'gods' and property he demanded an explanation from his son whom he had left in charge. Abraham mockingly explained that when an offering of fine flour was brought to these divinities they quarrelled with each other as to who should be the recipient, when at last the biggest of them, being angry at the altercation, took up a stick to chastise the offenders, and in so doing broke them all up. Terah, so far from being satisfied with this explanation, understood it as a piece of mockery, and when he learnt also of the customers whom Abraham had lost him during his management he became very incensed, and drove Abraham out of his house and handed him over to Nimrod.

Nimrod suggested to Abraham that since he had refused to worship his father's idols because of their want of power, he should worship fire, which is very powerful: Abraham pointed out that water has power over fire. 'Well,' said Nimrod, 'let us declare water god.' 'But,' replied Abraham,' the clouds absorb the water and even they are dispersed by the wind.' 'Then let us declare the wind our god.' 'Bear in mind,' continued Abraham, 'that man is stronger than wind, and can resist it and stand against it.' Nimrod, becoming weary of arguing with Abraham, decided to cast him before his god -- fire -- and challenged Abraham's deliverance by the God of Abraham, but God saved him out of the fiery furnace. Haran too was challenged to declare his god, but halted between two opinions, and delayed his answer until he saw the result of Abraham's fate. When he saw the latter saved he declared himself on the side of Abraham's God, thinking that he too, having now become an adherent of that God, would be saved by the same miracle. But since his faith was not real, but depended on a miracle, he perished in the fire, into which like Abraham he was cast by Nimrod. This is hinted in the words (Gen. 11:28): 'And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees.'

27.10.05

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for...


this picture, it hilariouses me.

23.10.05

why grandma, what big eyes you have!

wait

20.10.05

giggle

i was watching gilmore girls yesterday on the w network while i reformatted my computer and they made fun of alexis bledel's huge forehead. and rory and 30yroldplaying20yrold asian waitress at luke's diner had a sex talk. just thought i'd let you all know.

11.10.05

astrophysics is...

did anyone see (even accidentally) that episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch? mitosis is...
she was trying to study biology with her boyfriend Harvey (bad idea as Harvey had early 90s white-boy hair). every try would begin with "mitosis is..." before it would be cut off by a timely interruption that rendered them both ill equiped for the test the next day after a series of supernatural antics.

so far it is an accurate description of astrophysics for me - alas/thankfully sans boyfriend Harvey with 90s white-boy hair (or even MJH for that matter). there is a new professor teaching this year. though he does not go into super complicated mathematics as the last one did (while we were ill equipped to even deal with multivariable derivatives) this one simply glosses over them and refers you to the compact green textbook. and compact physics books always means one thing: only smart people can read this.

and what physics does best is tell you that contrary to whatever you thought before, you are NOT smart. not smart like Newton, not smart like Lenz, or Weinz, or Hertz, or Chandrasekhar, or Runge, or Eddington, or Brahe, or Keppler, or Hook. it's a small recompense that Hook's Law has been redubbed as "Hooker's Law" by Sucre in the latest episode of Prison Break as he tried to reiterate to Aruzzi what Michael explained earlier about tensile strength and wall elasticity. memories of Home Improvement are recalled.

it has become clearly apparent that my left-hemisphere has reached its limit. right-side is now getting the workout of its life making up new ways to slide physics principles and suppositions into essays about the metaphorical use of red riding hoods. my recently developed skill for reading 3 different novels at the 'same time' is also being put to good use as multiple english classes require multiple novel readings. speaking of which, "stone angel" is more boring than watching a boulder acquire a coat of moss.

now if that boulder were in space, created by the accretion of a protostellar disk, then it would not collect moss ever. even then, i would rather watch that boulder than re-read stone angel. i liken it to reading the first page of Pride and Prejudice. no offense, but female narrative is rather long-winded.

3.10.05

october

copious english readings + astrophysics assignments + essays + tests + hockey's return + tv + msn = 1 bad month if my priorities remain in the latter half.

1.10.05

click the old school

he always told people he got that scar on his head after being bitten by a shark.

genesis

don't you just hate it when you're sitting in a Bible in Literature lecture on Genesis 1-4 and some putz zeroes in on the "Adam was first" thing?
"oh, it says here that Adam was created first and that Eve was made from his rib." (Gen 2:21-22)
this got the feminists in the crowd astir (because men didn't let them vote and made them wear underwear).
as annoying as it is, we've been through this before. Augustine pondered about the transmission of original sin through progenesis, as jotted down in his "Confessions", and they were later misinterpreted by withered, old monks who thought he was talking about sex in general, thus blaming all womankind for being so nubile and tempting - just as Adam first blamed Eve in Gen 3:12.
so generations of patriarchy and misogyny built up tremendous pressure in vertebrate females. that bra-burning backlash now ripples through our societal consciousness as sensual media (the main culprit being beer commercials and anyone influenced by esther nee madonna). women seeking empowerment in these climes seem to believe that their power comes either from a) their careers; b) their bodies; or c) their careers exploiting their bodies.

anyways, here's some causal reading for you: Genesis 2: 18-20

18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
so my professor thinks that God wanted to make Adam a helper from the animals. and by helper he meant partner. and by partner he meant mate. bwahahaha.

28.9.05

i'm a grandpa

it's almost over, a few hours left to go
but happy birthday anyway
to dorinda and her hairy arms.

25.9.05

astronaut vs. caveman

astronaut (homo sapiens celesticus)
astronauts are chosen from the cream of the human crop. scientists by trade, astronauts are smong the upper tier in terms of intelligence. their physical endurance is also renown as their bodies must be able to withstand the tremendous interial forces inflicted upon them during take-off and landings. once successfully launched into space, astronauts spend their most of their brief sojourn patiently conducting 'zero-gravity' experiments.
size: astronauts are comparable in size to their close cousin: the human (homo sapien). males range from 5'7" to 6'8" andweigh in at 184 lbs. on average. females are about 14% smaller.
habitat: astronauts inhabit three environments. on earth, they either live in dormitories near training facilities, or 'homes'. in orbit, astronauts would live in 'space stations', large capsules of machinery that artifically emulate the living conditions on earth (minus the constant downward tug of gravity)
status: the astronaut is currently threatened due to mechanical complications with the spaceship apparati. barring any launch or reentry disaster, astronauts succumb to the same afflictions that befall humans.
strengths: in order for humans to upgrade into astronauts, they must submit themselves to a battery of physical and psychological tests. as a result, astronauts are uncommonly patient, independent, analytical and possess a physical endurance that belies their normal appearances.
weaknesses: the very attributes that give astronauts their strength conversely contributes to their weaknesses as well. their sharp minds make them unwilling to take risks outside of strictly controlled environments. their pampered lives make them unaware of problems outside the realm of science.

caveman (homo neanderthalensis)
the caveman, or the neanderthal, has a fabled beginning and unknown end. known primarly only by sketchy fossil records, neanderthals are reputed to have existed anywhere from 200 000 to 300 000 years ago, primarly on the eurasian continent. stockily built, anthropoligists theorize that they lived in small hunter/gatherer communities. stone, or bone, tools and weapons were crafted to facilitate hunting and the manufacturing of clothing. neanderthals probably hunted in packs, using the advantage of numbers and projectile weapons to down their quarry.
size: fossil records indicate a compact build, around 5', probably for heat conservation during harsh ice age winters. living on the move, following the migratory paths of favoured game animals, the cavemen were generally mesomorphic and probably weighed around 240 lbs. well fed.
habitat: ice fields of stone age europe. natural caves gave shelter from the fatal blizzards that ravaged the land.
status: extinct. a pity really, for they would have made excellent american football players.
strengths: physically strong, quite adaptive, team players
weaknesses: easily confused by foreign objects and loud noises due to natural curiosity.

differences between men have always been decided on the battlefield, and this case is exemplary of the classic struggle between brain and brawn. also echoed in the school halls as nerd vs. jock, "Back To the Future" and "Napoleon Dynamite" are definitely persuasive in presenting their case for nerds.
in this case, the battle shall take place in neutral territory (astronauts have never met neaderthals in nature) during a neutral time period in soul calibur format. that is to say that there will be a platform from which to ring out and each combatant will wield their characteristic weapon. the neanderthal will have some variant of cudgel, with a sharp rock embedded in the thicker end and garbed in mammoth skin. the astronaut will wear a blue flightsuit and heft a matching standard NASA-issue prybar. a pressurized spacepen that can write in zero-gravity, upside down and underwater will complete his repetoire.
the fight is brief. one swing of the caveman's cudgel throws both combatants off balance as the astronaut tries to dodge with agility, only to realize that agility is not an innate property of astronauty types. the pen slips from his unprotected pocket (gasp!) and rolls away. the flash of chrome distracts the caveman and he stops to peer intently. the tiny rounded reflection piques his curiosity further. catching on, the astronaut prods the little pen with his prybar, a game! the neanderthal pokes the pen with his cudgel rolling it around. the astronaut circles behind the pen and pokes it back towards the caveman. the caveman returns the favour. grinning to himself the astronaut gives his shiny pen an aggressive shuffleboard shove. the pen scuttles to the edge of the ring, spinning to a stop. the caveman lopes over to bring the pen back into play and the astronaut takes advantage. he charges the neanderthal and neatly pushes him off the edge. victory, sneaky astronaut.

next time: door-to-door insurance salesman vs. Jehovah's Witness.

22.9.05

animal face-off

at 2 pm today i was left with alone with a tv. antics ensued.
the discovery channel yielded a surprising find: Animal Face-Off.
two contestants from the animal kingdom, of the fearsome or large variety, are pitted against each other one-on-one. i happened to watch the hippopotamus vs. the bull shark.

basically, two 'experts' are enlisted to spout propaganda and trash-talk about their respective animals of expertise, trying to one-up each other. and as we all know, watching antisocial scientists talk smack is amusing enough for a show in and of itself. a resin skull of each contestant is brought in for display and analysis to prop the expert's gushing.

from a large block of polystyrene, a model of the skull is sculpted (my new dream job) and then packed in a block of hardening sand. molten aluminum is poured into a hole in the sand box, dissolving the polystyrene away and cooling into an aluminum replica of the skull. this replica is then fitted to animatronics so that approximate measurements can be made of relevant abilities, such as biting force.

their mechanical hippo jaw was submitted to a battery of tests. a pair of watermelons were smashed within the 2 tonnes of biting force, along with a large television. it was also tested in water with a 45 lb kayak. the kayak approximated the size of the bull shark, so it was tossed into the air and then bitten in half for good measure. to simulate the 700 lbs of bull shark, a steel drum filled with water was also bitten and thrashed. however, the combined stress of gripping a 700 lb oil drum and dragging it in and out of the water took it's toll on the animatronic neck and neatly decapitated the hippo in mid shake.

the bull shark was much less impressive, but grosser. they clamped a fish and then simulated the shark-thrash (the shaking of the shark's head which allows the serrated teeth of the lower jaw to saw through flesh) to cleave the fish in half. to simulate the thick hippo skin, they also ripped up a stingray. the water test involved a dead shark of smaller size that they tried to tear up. unfortunatly, due to the limits in polystyrene carving, the teeth were not serrated failed to remove the dead shark head from the dead shark body. it also failed to bite the kayak (another one) with it's not very wide jaws.

the point of all this was to compile sufficient data for a computer simulated encounter between the two combatants. and it verified my belief that hippos are scary, especially when super pissed.

needless to say this has now become my new favourite discovery channel show (sorry mythbusters). it combines animals (which i love), destructive robots (which i find interesting only if they're destructive) and ridiculous fighting scenarios (see xiao xaio), making a ridiculously silly show. obviously i'm very mature.

this show reminded me of another excellent ridiculous fighting scenario i heard on Angel.
who would win in a fight between an Astronaut and a Caveman? discuss.

19.9.05

passenger seat - death cab for cutie

i roll the window down
and then begin to breathe in
the darkest country road
and the strong scent of evergreen
from the passenger seat as
you are driving me home

then looking upwards
i strain my eyes and try
to tell the difference between
shooting stars and satellites
from the passenger seat as
you are driving me home

do they collide?
i ask and you smile
with my feet on the dash
the world doesn't matter

when you feel embarassed,
i'll be your pride
when you need directions,
i'll be the guide
for all time
for all time

13.9.05

requisite school update

now that i've sampled each class of the fall semester i may now start pooling my thoughts, opinions and impressions.

ENGB02: Writing about Narrative
taught by anthony adams, this introductory english course aims to prepare me for university level writing and literary dissertation that will presumably be applicable for the rest of my life. it's definitely a laidback class, headed by a laidback graduate student. unfortunately the room is a bit cramped. summer school leg room has spoiled me. adams has a rather dry, deadpan sense of humour, delivered succinctly with nonchalance. this bodes well for me, as my writing tends to be more entertaining than substantial. my 'writing about poetry' instructor over the summer agrees that i sacrifice content for wordplay quite liberally.

ENGBO3: Thinking about Narrative
B02's requirement states that B03 must be either completed or taken in tandem with B02. we know this arrangement was wrought of an English major's mind as numerical order really means nothing. the logic is that one cannot Write without having first done some Thinking. the disregard for numerical order is highlighted by the poetry courses: ENGB01 - Writing about Poetry; ENGB04 - Thinking about Poetry. at elast they're consistent. oh yeah, this class is crowded AND boring AND textually expensive. coupled with a quiet, British woman with an English Ph.D, we have a recipe for inspired doodling.

ENGB42: the Bible in Literature I
my two playgrounds now meet to earn me credit. professor russell brown is interesting, but he's not quite SUPER familiar with the material, even though he's taught it about 6 times now. he's originally a professor of Canadian Literature (my secret playground, with my teatime mates atwood and davies) who felt it was nigh time someone ran a course that emphasized the profound influence that the Bible and Bible studies have had on literature and literary study. i like having my own thoughts mirrored by scholars. thus far i haven't learned anything BRAND NEW AND IMPROVED in this course (only 1 intro class so far, so duh) but i expect this to be aceably fun.

ASTB21: Introduction to Astrophysics: Stellar and Planetary Physics
my first experience with this class was last september. it was then taught by Professor Shepherd, who was probably the biggest reed-thin, hunchbacked, smoking NERD i've ever seen. he was very nerdy. computer nerdy, math nerdy. i surprised he didn't dress up as gandalf. anyway, he was so nerdy that everything he said was completely over everyone's head. his lecture notes were scribbled on a minute notebook, more fit for addresses than modeling three-body planetary motion. needless to say, i was scoring about 12% at the midterm so i dropped it like it was hot. astro b21 redux has a newly hired Polish astrophysicist. more physicist than mathematician, this is promising. and as it is his first year he'll either mark stupid hard or wahoo easy. time to butter him up for the latter option. not that he need butter. he worked up a lovely sweat that darkened most of his green button-down shirt. the back turned nearly black.

PSCD01: Science in Society
an abstract program requirement of a course. should be a breeze as it is merely a large group discussion about recent science news and it's affects on society and how science operates in society, etc. stupid 7-9pm timeslot. but super fun professors. and guest speakers will include my astro instructor, mr. Pawel Artymowicz. his last name is a bit of a mouthful for my asian tongue.

10.9.05

Fish Logic

who was in Mrs. Reid's grade 4 class (CHPS)? even if you weren't, click title for massive logic puzzle about beer and a walleye pike.

5.9.05

summer has come and passed


this shot was taken by ms. nikki at the rouge valley conservation area, during a very boring field trip. it was a very hot day and we felt that this would be the most ridiculous way to cool off and, at the same time, tan our pale bits.

4.9.05

click to enlarge

3.9.05

The Art of Narcissism:
Seamus Heaney’s “Personal Helicon” and Oscar Wilde’s “The Disciple”

  Narcissus, the archetypical male figure of self-absorption, figures prominently in both “Personal Helicon”, by Seamus Heaney, and “The Disciple”, by Oscar Wilde. Heaney’s poem is a deeply personal reminiscence of his childhood habit of peering into wells, comparing his stare to that of Narcissus’. His habit is replaced in adulthood by a more mature form of self-reflection: poetry. Wilde appends the Narcissus myth by recounting a mournful conversation, after Narcissus’ death, between a group of Oreads and the pool into which Narcissus longingly gazed. In an ironic twist, the mourning pool reveals that it mourned not for Narcissus, but the loss of its own reflection in Narcissus’ eyes. In both poems, art is portrayed as a form of meditative narcissism – the egotism being conducive to the production of meaningful works. The speaker of Heaney’s poem writes that his poetry is a form of that artistic egotism, like his well gazing as a child. His inspiration comes from introspection. For Heaney, art comes from within. However, Wilde uses the conceit (poetic and otherwise) of the pool to argue that the artist’s work is only a realization of the beauty of the subject – the pool itself. For Wilde, art comes from without.

  Narcissism is the excessive preoccupation with oneself, coined for Narcissus, the mythical man who was excessively preoccupied with himself to the point of death. Directed properly, narcissism can become a great tool for artists, particularly in terms of honing their craft. Heaney’s “Personal Helicon” subtly reveals how the speaker’s conversations with himself, with the aid of various wells, evolved into the more refined art of poetry. The speaker of Heaney’s poem is inexorably drawn to wells; “they could not keep [him] from wells” (Heaney, 1). Not only does he look into them to see the “white face [hovering] over the bottom” (Heaney, 12), but he also converses with that other boy to see if the well would “[give] back [his] own call” (Heaney, 13). In what appears to be a lonesome existence, Heaney’s speaker found company in his own reflection and echo, facilitated by the well. This practice culminates into poetry in adulthood. As the speaker states in lines 19 and 20, “I rhyme/ To see myself, to set the darkness echoing.” His narcissistic energies were converted and redirected into a meaningful medium: poetry.

  In Wilde’s “The Disciple”, narcissism is not a means of inspiration for art, but a catalyst for something that was already there. Narcissism awakens the hidden potential of a subject. It was through the eyes of Narcissus and his doting gaze that the pool realized its own beauty. By painting a poolside scene in prose, Wilde allegorically personifies the relationship between the artist and his work as the relationship that Narcissus and the pool had. An artist, deep in the artistic process, could very well be calculating his self worth by the piece of art he is producing. As he stares at his work, the artist most resembles Narcissus by the pool. Wilde subverts the artists’ Ivory Tower mystique of being a creator. Instead he relegates the artist to being merely the person who reflects the beauty of the subject into realization: “in the mirror of his eyes I saw ever my own beauty mirrored” (Wilde, p. 5). The personified pool came to appreciate its own beauty in the time Narcissus spent gazing upon his image. In the artist’s self-reflection, the beauty of the subject blossomed. Thus, in Wilde’s eyes, the artist is not the creator. He is merely the person that nurtures that beauty in his mind into fruition. By playing on the double meaning of reflection, Heaney and Wilde allude to Narcissus not merely as a selfish dandy, but also as an artistic mind.

  Art is but a reflection, from mundane objects to highly ornate chapel ceilings, of something an inspired artist ‘sees’. The light that enters his eyes is transformed within the mind through self-reflection; his expert hands echo the new image into tangible form. To emphasize this idea, the poets use a pun on the word reflection to mean both the reflected image and the practice of introspection. Both poems place heavy importance upon both definitions of reflection using various allusions, tropes and schemes. Heaney’s speaker, in “Personal Helicon”, believes that his intimate knowledge of himself, fueled by the self-reflective nature of narcissism, is what inspires him to write. In using wells to illustrate this idea, Heaney captures all the nuances of the word reflection. There is an epistrophe of the word reflection at the end of the second and fourth quatrains. While they literally refer to his reflections at the bottom of the wells, Heaney’s speaker turns each well remembered into a metaphor for self-reflection. Each well has a certain depth, corresponding to the emotional or spiritual depth to which his contemplations delved. Within those wells the speaker also discovered “long roots” (Heaney, 11) – an additional metaphor for his past. Heaney also emphasizes the idea of echoes (Heaney, 13; 20), alluding to the other myth associated to Narcissus: the myth of Echo. Echo was a talkative Oread cursed to repeat only the phrase she last heard. She fell in love with “big-eyed Narcissus” (Heaney, 18) and like all other suitors to do so, Echo was turned away rather brusquely. In her despair, Echo pined away into nothingness, leaving behind only her voice: a voice that can still be heard today in caverns and wells. Well, what are echoes but reflections of sound? The echoes that Heaney’s speaker referred to came back “[with] a clean new music in it” (Heaney, 14). Reflection has remade the initial call new and musical; it has transformed his voice, bringing order out of chaos. All reflections, visual or aural, must have a source. Through reflection, musing and mulling, something better is born. For Heaney’s speaker that source is himself – he is his own personal Helicon: mountain of the Muses.

  “The Disciple” is a prose poem that stresses both reflections using a liberal amount of complex and calculated repetition schemes. From “the pool of his pleasure” (Wilde, p. 1) to the first words of the Oreads as they “came weeping through the woodland” (Wilde, p.1): “We do not wonder that you should mourn in this manner” (Wilde, p. 2) – alliteration runs wild in Wilde’s poem. Perhaps most clever is the ploce “a cup of sweet waters into a cup of salt tears” that is the refrain in the first two paragraphs. The “cup” is the anaphora that balances the two metaphorically flavoured liquids. As an additional layer of complexity, Wilde also adds mirrored sibilance and consonance to this phrase. “Sweet waters” is bookended by [s]s while [w] and [t] are also repeated. “Salt tears” is given similar treatment as the [s], [t] combination in “salt” is reversed to [t], [s] in “tears”. Repetition appears not only schematically in the narrative, but also in the dialogue itself. The pool, highly reflective, repeats the words of the Oreads by asking, “was Narcissus beautiful?” (Wilde, p. 3). This was an allusion to the myth of Echo. For every question posited to the pool it was repeated back, but reworked by the immense ego of the pool. In response to the pool’s question, the Oreads replied, “Who should know that better than you? […] [In] the mirror of your waters he would mirror his own beauty” (Wilde, p. 4). Dripping with irony, “the pool answered, ‘But I loved Narcissus because […] in the mirror of his eyes I saw ever my own beauty mirrored.’” (Wilde, p. 5). The pool was even more narcissistic than Narcissus himself! Not to be forgotten is that the Oreads were also mildly narcissistic themselves: “[us] did he ever pass by” (Wilde, p. 4). In saying that, the Oreads assumed they were beautiful on a level worthy of Narcissus’ attention (this phrase may have also been reflective of Wilde’s own narcissism for as a homosexual dandy, he probably relished the fact that women were attracted to him to no avail). Even the narcissism trait was reflected into the surrounding characters. Every facet of this prose poem has been masterfully inundated with the reflection theme. They are not merely straightforward reflections either. They are complex manipulations of sounds, letters and meanings. Heaney and Wilde both impress upon their readers the importance of reflection in art, be it internal, or external, reflection. Without the ‘digestion’ process that occurs within the mind of the artist, the ‘art’ created would be meaningless, like using tracing paper.

  Art is one of the few things in life that strive to find meaning. Meaning cannot be found by merely staring at an object for an extended period of time. Seamus Heaney’s speaker found meaning to his childhood by allegorizing it as a personal relationship with someone much like himself – his reflection at the bottom of the well – but, at the same time, completely different. Through his mental reflections and musings he inspired poetry to search his soul. The wells, in his mind, became a “Personal Helicon,” a window into himself. Oscar Wilde entertained similar notions, in that meaningful art required reflection. With its dandiacal irony, the pool of Narcissus’ pleasure, “The Disciple,” exemplified Wilde’s subversive idea that the artist merely reveals the true beauty of his subject. Like Heaney, Wilde’s idea requires a reflection that goes deeper than merely parroting back what it began with. Only then can art be considered meaningful. Artists can identify easily with Narcissus and not only because of the misunderstood tragedy of his death. He was, after all, only searching for the most beautiful thing he could find, and tried to capture it. Is that not what art is all about?

28.8.05

Calgary 05

friday august 19: in T.O.
after work (12:30) i helped change ms. libby's flat tire. it was pleasantly sunny. went home shortly thereafter to chill and pack a little. then the rains came and continued. at 4 i headed out with my dad, he dropped himself off for work at birchmount and 14th and tasked me with picking up sherm. by this time flash flooding was well under way. a mitsubishi eclipse was the first casualty i saw, sunk in a puddle up and over its windshield wipers. i meandered for 2 hours, had a fun time wailing to josh groban and watching cars flounder in puddles. i passed the creek that runs across birchmount just north of sheppard. the water nearly crested the trees that lined the raised banks. at the day care, power was out, northside rooms were flooded and kids were fooling around in the gym or crying for their parents.
the ride to church was sweet as the 401 was significantly clearer than NS routes. nearly got killed as i turned left onto morningside by a nice blind driver who felt it was his right to ignore the four-way stop system imposed by the lack of traffic lights.
aletheia's program was cancelled, so we craniumed instead. stephen, kevin, melissa (and later eunice) vs. dan, kat, herman. needless to say, by the time i left, we were winning in dominant fashion.

saturday august 20: flight out to calgary
early wake up to finish packing for the 10:30 flight. saw dorcas and some of her family on their way to their edmonton flight's gate. uneventful flight. opted to not take the complimentary headphones, so i had to watch Monster In-Law silent style. the two old chinese ladies next to me missed their flight to saskatoon on account of friday's weather, so they were taking this flight to connect from calgary to wheat town. incidentally they also hailed from a chinese alliance church. fancy that.
back in calgary at long last, i was assigned as the navigator. apparently i don't know my roads in toronto, but once i'm in a new city i'm pro. sweet skill to have.
we stayed at the house of my mom's high school friend's mom. met up with said high school friend, auntie jessica's, family. and when i say auntie i don't mean a real auntie, but the way chinese people mean it. i just think it's more meaningful that way. after lunch and a slight reprieve, i went with her husband, uncle duncan, and my dad to fetch dinner food, as uncle duncan loved to grill. he blew $215 on t-bones and many other things. it was a huge meal.
as it was being prepared i got aquainted with their kids': Trent, Melissa, Chris, and their playstation two.

sunday august 21: waking up in calgary
yay! visiting a church! westminster presbyterian church. 1 hr. service. that's zoom zoom compared to what i'm used to. and the speaker looked like a christoper reeve, alive but gone south 'round the girdle. awesome! i also discovered that their playstation two was also stocked with soul calibur 2. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

monday august 22: skating at the olympic oval
on the very stretch of ice that olympians practiced and raced back in whatever year the Olympics were held in calgary, i slipped and skidded along on very, very dull rental skates. i hadn't skated since april and i had only just adjusted to my new skates' parabolic blades. so hopping back into dull straight blades was an adventure in and of itself. there was a group of japanese people there, early twenties. Chris, 11, took it upon himself, with goadings from his dad, to teach the prettier ones how to skate. one girl in particular was coached most readily and she was passed on to Trent, 15, for a period of time before being quickly dumped on me. poor, pretty, illiterate, visa student. she refused to stand on her own weight, insisted upon leaning on my hands for balance. never going to skate properly learning like that. she made about quarter of the track with me before she requested a break. Chris picked up the slack later on and got a picture taken with her. he likes older women. his dad helped him get her number. meanwhile, his own daughter, 13 year old melissa, was slightly ignored and left to her own devices. i taught her to skate with her head up so she won't get concussed like Lindros.

tuesday august 23: lake louise and banff
we set out for banff, planning to stay two nights at the red carpet inn. so we did. we stopped at lake louise first as it was on the way. pity about the drizzle and the overcast skies or else lake louise would've looked spectacular (just like in the postcards). after an understaffed lunch, i acquired a purse upgrade. i now have a sack, single cross-shoulder strap with two main pockets. it's spiffin' and great for holding things larger than what my purse can handle, i.e. bible, water bottles, rolled up jackets, in times when i'd prefer not to have a backpack to lug around. the price was way too steep for my liking, but my dad insisted. lifetime warranty should set it even after 60 years of use.
we rolled into banff at 4. after settling into the red carpet inn's room 203, my parents drove off to the hot springs for a soak. my brother stayed in the room to watch the jays game. i went out along banff avenue and trolled the shops for a single postcard. and perhaps shoes. and also to scout out the local eateries. we picked my first choice: Joe's Diner. roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy = hey super fun. roast beef was a bit disappointing. but the mashed potatoes were hey super fun indeed.
sherman insists upon sleeping diagonally on the shared bed. and he wondered why he kept waking up to the feeling of someone kicking him.

wednesday august 24: gondola, NOT gon-DOH-la
back to lake louise and a bit across to the massive skiing mountain. there was a huge log chalet where we sampled a very small, very unfilling buffet. but it cost about $4 per person so i wasn't about to complain. chalet was filled with a japanese tour group which was awesome. sherman, who is racist, felt very uncomfortable so i laughed at him. the main point of this trip was to take a gondola up the mountain 6000 something ft. and go on a wildlife hike up on the plateau. but it was rainy. and about 1 degree celcius. sherm and i opted for the ski lift as gondolas are supremely wussy. i was prepared by wearing one longsleeved tee, one t-shirt and a sweatshirt. about 4000 ft up it started to get stupid cold due to rain water, wind and lack of bodily movement. super. i took the gondola down. no animals sighted on the way up/down around. found out how porcupines mated (because i've ALWAYS been curious about that) and took a picture of the blurb so i could remember it forever.
food court dinner was tasty because japanese tappenyaki fried noodles are always better on styrofoam plates accompanied by iced cola in a tall, waxed paper cup.
insomnia was fun. i tried curling up in one of them tiny hotel chairs to no avail. made up for lost sleep in the car the next day.

thursday august 25: return to calgary and not having to share a bed
drove back to the house of the mom of the friend of my mom's. nice how we could see the lovely rockies on the way out, rather than on the two whole days we spent looking at them through fog and rain. after lunch the boys all went to the driving range with uncle duncan. sherm can drive rather well. i cannot. i didn't want to lose my softball swing. so i teed off happy gilmore style, with a slightly shorter run up and a much more feminine driver. the 'w' on the shaft told me so. as did the mauve colour. and the extremely light weight. i was using auntie jessica's set of clubs as she was the only rightswinger in the family. for 6 minutes i got the other guys to try to golf their balls high so that i could try and knock them out of the air with my special technique. failed miserably on all counts, but it was stupid good fun. Trent then lost his head - club head, that is - and sent it flying into the range, farther than the ball went. his dad coerced him into running onto the field to retrieve it. it was quite cool when sherm joked that someone should try to drive one at him and some kid next to him complied.

friday august 26: west edmonton mall
mm... 3 hr. drive to edmonton... 2.5 hr. shopping for nothing... 3 hr. drive back to calgary. time well wasted. upon getting back we were treated to some dang quesadillas that uncle duncan had grilled up since he didn't go to edmonton. they were huge and they were tasty. soul calibur was also tasty. mmm... talim.

saturday august 27: leaving on a jet plane...
2:30 flight left plenty of time to have shanghai dim sum beforehand. my second little dragon bun ripped and spilled its soup. flight home was much better with headphones. didn't sleep and had to really pee just before landing. i opted to wait it out. too bad we were sitting at the back and it takes forever for people to get up and file out.

sunday august 28: back to church!
i woke up in time for english service (9:00) but no one else was up on account for crazy jet lag and staying up until 2 am. so i went back to bed and arrived in time for sunday school. which quickly turned into all day breakfast at wimpy's diner. which turned into all-you-can-eat-omlettes for $7.99. as regualr omlette dishes were priced at $6.99, eating more than one would be a supreme bargain. so most of us lined up and watched one omlette guy work three pans at once. and the omlettes were huge. i could only muster the energy for 1.5. next time i'll be ready to do 3.

Movie Reviews: quick!

i watched a bunch of movies on my vacation...

Monster In-Law: i watched this on the flight to calgary, without the aid of pointless things like sound... it was pretty easy to follow and mildly enjoyable like all soundless romantic comedies. jlo, sans ben, has got to be worth something. 2/5

Kung Fu Hustle: having seen this one before, but having not reviewed it, i am doing so now. yay! stephen chow is always good for a laugh. interesting how he's now trying to get into the business of serious movie making (he stars, produces and directs) while still cracking out the toilet gags. kung fu hustle is stephen chow's homage to several influential genres from his childhood. from the traditional chinese kung fu mold, to the Matrix, to looney tunes. those unfamiliar with the way stephen chow casts will probably be surprised to see very familiar faces from shaolin soccer. many of the actors he works with reappear in at least 4 other movies of his. the lack of cecilia cheung is rather disappointing. she would have made a better mute lollipop girl, though it was obvious that he cast a look-a-like. sub-par stephen chow movie overall. not as good as shaolin soccer. and shaolin soccer was merely average. 2.5/5

Hide and Seek: i didn't watch the first 20 minutes because i thought i'd freak out from watching a scary movie. then i remembered that the last time i watched a scary movie was in '97. riveting and terribly twisted. dakota fanning is my new child actor superheroine. 3.5/5

Sin City: missed the first ten minutes on account of helping melissa with the dishes. caught on quite quickly. visually stunning in that slick artsy way (alexis bledel's eyes highlighted = good idea!). yay, jessica alba, naturally. dark humour was quite refreshing ("you forgot to flush"). quentin tarentino really likes the girls with swords; miho was hott - i could actually recognize his nerd styles: girls w/ swords, girls with guns, hallucinations of talking dead people, white blood, shadow scenes... 4.8/5 misses perfection because of the predictability of the characters... frank miller follows a pattern in his characterizations and it shows.

Kicking and Screaming: i watched this one on the flight back to toronto. don't you love noticing cheesy artistic elements either the director or the writers tried to incorporate into their family movies? the recurring number 13 for example. the plot was patently predictable; the ending was very sweet (very mushy sweet, and only partially cool sweet). i love italians, but meat comes first. will ferrellisms peeked through once in awhile, but not as over the top as anchorman; they still ellicited laughter. loved the lesbian asian orphan adoption and the superfluous coffee antics. 2.3/5

tape, watch, repeat

house, veronica mars, scrubs

16.8.05

June

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Has lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

piddling puddle

my Writing About Poetry prof. thought the puns littered about my comparative essay were so bad that she wants me to email her a copy of it so that future poetry students may gape, marvel and critique - perhaps cry profusely as well. ask if you want to be subject to the same awkward phrasing and hazily communicated brilliance.

11.8.05

too fast

in grade three, i tried out for the 100m sprint against the rest of my classmates. i always came second to my friend, Elias - a much taller, and much more Greek kid. my theory was that he had longer legs and Olympic genes. i was a very competitive kid, and on the last race of the year i purposed to win. but win, i did not. as fast as i could pump my little legs, Elias' longer stride made up for his slightly slower acceleration. at the halfway point i just put my head down and ran as hard as i could. as i shortened the gap between us i felt a twinge of confusion - my legs were moving faster than my brain could comprehend. in that moment, 11 strides from the finish line between the white rusty soccer posts, i tripped. and fell. and finished third.
this morning, i finished learning the rest of that lesson.

6.8.05

that's not periwinkle...


but the hair sure is fancy.
i think this will be the first harry potter movie (harry potter and the goblet of fire - my favourite book of the series) that i am looking forward to, even though i still haven't seen harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban. hopefully costco will play it. or maybe they'll rent it for a daycare movie day.

31.7.05

speechless

or maybe it's because you cannot hear
me when i mumble (all the time). you make
me smile. thank you for your letters... and yeah...
they were interesting =P

28.7.05

Book Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

plot: as the driving force of this expository tome, the plot truly thickens in rowling's sixth installment in the harry potter series. the stage is set for the seventh, which will obviously have the requisite showdowns and epilogues. the plot progresses at a good clip for most of the book, bordering on breakneck speed at the end. relative to the pace of the fifth book, anything would feel fast.

character: thank you! harry potter is not an angry git anymore. romance is laid on more heavily than usual in children's fantasy books; but harry potter wasn't a children's book to begin with. the budding of certain relationships is contrasted with the dark times that have befallen what is supposed to be a key growing time. it offers a glimpse of what life for harry and co. would be like if there was no war raging.

notes: you have to take it for what it is: exposition. this book is laden with exposition. Voldemort's backstory is revealed piece-meal: an evocative tragedy of circumstance that sort of parellel's Harry's own history. readers should expect heavy plot movement and action-packed chapters. fans of quidditch will be disappointed, but in the face of open war, who really has time for sport?

4/5 - mildly bloated, though it's pretty clear that rowling was keeping it as short as she could. detentions were glossed =P the big death was obvious and necessary, but no less painful.

27.7.05

The Disciple - Oscar Wilde

When Narcissus died the pool of his pleasure changed from a cup of sweet waters into a cup of salt tears, and the Oreads came weeping through the woodland that they might sing to the pool and give it comfort.

And when they saw that the pool had changed from a cup of sweet waters into a cup of salt tears, they loosened the green tresses of their hair and cried to the pool and said, `We do not wonder that you should mourn in this manner for Narcissus, so beautiful was he.'

`But was Narcissus beautiful?' said the pool.

`Who should know that better than you?' answered the Oreads. `Us did he ever pass by, but you he sought for, and would lie on your banks and look down at you, and in the mirror of your waters he would mirror his own beauty.'

And the pool answered, `But I loved Narcissus because, as he lay on my banks and looked down at me, in the mirror of his eyes I saw ever my own beauty mirrored.'

18.7.05

autogoogle

this was completely unexpected: www.hermanchan.net.

16.7.05

HP6: HBP

i spoiled myself. which only makes me want to read it all the more.

EDIT: July 20
after my halfdays of work and school, i schlep on over to a Chapters to read. i am joined by several others who also find the $24 (at walmart) or $41 (published price) too steep.

Progress 20/7: pg. 127

Progress 22/7: pg. 343

Progress 25/7: pg. 407

Progress 27/7: pg. 500

Progress 28/7: finished

total estimated reading time: 5.3 hrs

into the sunset

there is something oddly effeminate about sending off heroes into battle. sadly, i did not have a kerchief to wave, nor a dress to flutter in the wind as i stood at the end of the pier.

12.7.05

"A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" - John Donne

you know i only post up the good stuff. this one is so funny...

As virtuous men passe mildly away,
And whisper to their soules, to goe,
Whilst some of their sad friends doe say.
The breath goes now, and some say, no:

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No teare-floods, nor sigh-tempests move,
T'were prophanation of our joyes
To tell the layetie our love.

Moving of th'earth brings harmes and feares,
Men reckon what it did and meant,
But trepidation of the spheares,
Though greater farre, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers love
(Whose soule is sense) cannot admit
Absense, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love, so much refin'd.
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care lesse, eyes, lips, and hands to misse.

Our two soules therefore, which are one,
Though I must goe, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to ayery thinnesse beate.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiffe twin compasses are two,
Thy soule the fixt foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the'other doe.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth rome,
It leanes, and hearkens after it,
And growes erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to mee, who must
Like th'other foot, obliquely runne;
Thy firmnes drawes my circle just,
And makes me end, where I begunne.

i maintain

that Horlicks is the most ridiculous name for a drink, after Anusludge. but i made that one up just now, so technically Horlicks wins.

9.7.05

The Rose - Bette Midler

Some say, love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say, love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say, love, it is a hunger,
an endless, aching need.
I say, love, it is a flower
and you, its only need.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking,
that never takes the chance.

It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to b'lieve.
And the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long;
Then to think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong;

Just remember, in the winter,
far beneath the bitters snows,
Lies the seed that, with the sun's love
in the spring, becomes the Rose.

honourary diaper

SOAK

7.7.05

and then sometimes

it hits you like a brick in the face: you're ugly and no one appreciates your impressive humming talent. it must be said, however, that at least three people on this world would have appreciated your humming, had you been personally aquainted to them so that they might experience such a closed-mouth virtuosity. alas, you are not. i trust your will to live is down to nil by now and no flamboyant gesture will save you from your own despair. i'd go flick a pop-rock right about now.

5.7.05

Astrologer Sues NASA Over Comet Mission

Associated Press, MOSCOW - NASA's mission that sent a space probe smashing into a comet raised more than cosmic dust — it also brought a lawsuit from a Russian astrologer.

Marina Bai has sued the U.S. space agency, claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into the comet Tempel 1 late Sunday "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe," the newspaper Izvestia reported Tuesday. A Moscow court has postponed hearings on the case until late July, the paper said.

Scientists say the crash did not significantly alter the comet's orbit around the sun and said the experiment does not pose any danger to Earth.
The probe's comet crash sent up a cloud of debris that scientists hope to examine to learn how the solar system was formed.

Bai is seeking damages totaling $300 million — the approximate equivalent of the mission's cost — for her "moral sufferings," Izvestia said, citing her lawyer Alexander Molokhov. She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope."


bwahahaha. that does not deserve any snarky comment.

28.6.05

woe is upon us

avril is engaged to that sum41 guy. what will i tell the kids at day care when they ask about my girlfriend now?

EDIT: a well turned phrase is just like a well turned ankle. they both make for good butlers.

20.6.05

wow

that was good.

18.6.05

There is a Garden in her face: deciphered

Thomas Campion's "There is a Garden in her face" is a Petrarchan conceit, extolling the beauty and chastity of a virtuous fruit seller. Using floral imagery, the woman, whom we will call "Cherry" for future reference, is described to be bountifully beautiful. The most prominent characteristic of her face are her lips, metaphorically protrayed as cherries, plump and red. Campion's ideal woman starkly contrasts the promiscuous women of his day and it is with this contrast that he critiques the state of society in his time.

The "Garden" (Campion, 1) is a direct reference to the Garden of Eden, and by using it to represent Cherry's face, Campion is suggesting two things: that she is a creature of God, and, as such, a pure and innocent being. Cherry's face is explicitly referred to as "a heav'nly paradice [...]/ Wherein all pleasant fruits doe flow" (3, 4), a common description of Eden. "Her eyes like Angels" (13) stand on guard with "bended bowes" (14). Following the Fall of Man, God placed a cherub and a flaming sword to guard the only entrance into Eden. Cherubim, plural for cherub, are also seen guarding other important things, such as the lid of the Ark of the Covenant and the Temple of Solomon. As such, they are not cute little angels to be trifled with. Biblical imagery encompasses this poem and its moral values are, to a certain extent, represented by the character of Cherry.

The cherries in the poem are used to describe her plump, red lips, as the focal component of the conceit. They "fayrely do enclose/ Of Orient Pearle a double row" (7-8), beautiful pearly teeth. While overtly referring to the lips of her mouth, the embedded metaphor in "Cherries" (7) also refers to another pair of lips. The treasure trove of "Orient Pearle" (8) are obviously teeth, but in the context of the embedded metaphor, they suggest that Cherry's other set of lips also "enclose" (7) a treasure much more cherished. Both pairs of lips serve to guard Cherry's chastity, as figurative and literal doorways.

Cherry is a London street vendor, imaginary or otherwise. The refrain "Cherry ripe themselves doe cry" (6, 12, 18) is an allusion to the cry of a fruit salesperson, announcing the fresh ripeness of his or her wares. Fruit vending was a vocation most common to the female population, mostly due to the laws that did not allow women an education beyond what was necessary to bear children. As such, income was a definite problem for most unmarried women in the big city. They resorted not only to the selling of fruits on the streets by day, but to selling their bodies in the dark alleyways by night. This was not uncommon. Cherry is contrapuntal to the societal pattern of Campion's day. Though she was a fruit vendor, her body remained her own, "which none may buy" (5) until she gives her assent: "Till Cherry ripe themselves doe cry" (6, 12, 18).

"There is a Garden in her face" is Thomas Campion's little snub at the state of his society, in the guise of a romantic poem. His love object, Cherry, is a beautiful and virtuous fruit vendor - a virtually unknown breed of fruit vendor in the 16th century streets of London. Cherry is protective of her chastity, dispelling any lustful stares or errant hands with a "piercing frowne" (15) and a sharp retort. Cleverly wrapped in a common romance poem package, he paints a picture of how women should cherish their bodies as they would gifts from God. While Campion has since died and fruit vendors no longer moonlight as prostitutes, the same problems still persist in our society today.

15.6.05

There is a Garden in her face

Thomas Campion
(1567-1620)
There is a Garden in her face

There is a Garden in her face,
Where Roses and white Lillies grow;
A heav'nly paradice is that place,
Wherein all pleasant fruits doe flow.
There Cherries grow, which none may buy
Till Cherry ripe themselves doe cry.

Those Cherries fayrely doe enclose
Of Orient Pearle a double row,
Which when her lovely laughter showes,
They looke like Rose-buds fill'd with snow.
Yet them nor Peere nor Prince can buy,
Till Cherry ripe themselves doe cry.

Her Eyes like Angels watch them still;
Her Browes like bended bowes doe stand.
Threatning with piercing frownes to kill
All that attempt with eye or hand
Those sacred Cherries to come nigh,
Till Cherry ripe themselves doe cry.
decipher!

7.6.05

i am a mammal. more on this later.

LATER:
mammals have warm blood. that is, a central heating system that allows them to frolick in otherwise uncomfortable climes. as such, i, as a mammal, can play hockey on the cold, cold ice, whereas lizards, generally accepted as the generic non-mammal, will liken the hockey experience to something along the lines of "uncomfortable lack of heat". on the other hand, having central heating comes with a cooling mechanism for hot, hot days of dancing under the hot, hot sun to Hot Hot Heat. lizards, by and large, have no such luxury and will find it difficult to dance on a hot, hot day under the hot, hot sun to Hot Hot Heat. however, they will still find the vibrations in the ground, generated by the band's amplification system, to be happy. mammals, that is bi-pedal ones with rubber soles, do not get to experience the thrill that is splaying on the ground and jiggling to the lower frequencies of Hot Hot Heat down to the tip of your detatchable tail.

the moral of the story is that mammals and lizards have had a millenia-long hot, hot hate relationship. no one really knows when it began or who started it. reptimammalian relation historians have hypothesized that it all began with the exploitation of dinosaurs in Hanna "the Barbarian" Barbera's phrehistoric production of The Flintstones as household appliances and other such anachronistic paraphenalia. what reptilian protesters fail to note is the use of prehistoric mammalian appliances as well, i.e. mammoth vacuum cleaner, human foot brakes. needless to say this resentment has been fueled in more contemporary times by movies such as Jaws (sharks are just water lizards and you know it), Anaconda I/II, the Jurassic Parks and that Discovery Channel special on predators, which featured a crocodile (super lizard) ambushing a wildebeest (mammal) while at a local watering hole trying to pick up a nice, lean female wildebeest. the unfortunate, lovelorn wildebeest was later avenged in India when a Bengal tiger (mammal) attacked a lazing crocodile.

now crocodiles generally fear nothing, and for good reason too. they are the biggest, baddest non-mammals left on land since the tyrannosaurs roamed Kansas in the late Cretaceous. row upon row of wicked, jagged teeth line their long, muscular jaws. leathery armour lines their backs, protecting them from anything short of a crocodilian attack. in the case of the Indian tiger vs. crocodile, the tiger pounced upon the hapless crocodile, straddling its back, out of reach of the teeth, claws and whippersnapping tail (proving that non-lovelorn mammals are smarter than the average reptile), and dug a claw into a flaw in the armour. after a few hours of prying and gnawing, the tiger had dug herself a handsome crocodile hole at the base of said crocodile's barely identifiable neck. satisfied, the tigress strolled off to wash up while the crocodile wallowed for another 3 hrs in agony before succumbing to it's grievous injury. the tigress later came back with cubs and had a nice riverside meal to cap off a tiring day.

that's not to say that mammals are better than lizards in general; it's pretty evenly matched as evidenced by Godzilla's various forays into the heart of Tokyo culture. what can be seen in these instances is that mammals can actually set aside their differences (if only momentarily) with another dastardly foe to defeat a common enemy. that dastardly foe is the Bug. let's face it, mammals don't like bugs. they live in their furry places, bite them, poison them, find ways inside to steal a meal... bugs are annoying. however, reptiles don't fancy them much either, but more often making meals of them as bugs have an inherent weakness to cold-blood. this momentous occasion of "the enemy of my enemy's is my enemy" culminated in 1964 when Godzilla took exception to Tokyo being hit by a typhoon and decided to raise a ruckus. the natives of the land (small, pale, dark-haired mammals with a penchant for improving on lowly western products) enlisted the help of overseas mammals (rotund, very pale mammals with a penchant for shoddy workmanship and stormtrooper accuracy) to try to quell the furious beast from the East. after an ineffectual salvo of missiles missed their mark again, the natives turned to their only hope, a huge mother of a flying Bug, Mothra. though upset at an earlier merchantile misunderstanding (someone pawned off her typhoon swept egg and decided to artificially incubate it), decided that Godzilla was a threat too great to be ignored (recall that lizards eat bugs and that bugs have a weakness to cold-blood, fire type pokemon and being eaten). after a vicious battle (Mothra flapped for awhile and then spewed sparkly pollen before dying) Godzilla appeared victorious. however, the incubated egg, due to the ingenuity of the native mammals and the short gestation period of the bug, hatched! and the larvae horked up a major loogie that broadsided the flailing Godzilla, thereby drowning the lizard in the very ocean that he lived and breathed in.

2.6.05

rory

alexis bledel
i've never noticed before, having never really watched Gilmore Girls or Sin City, but Alexis Bledel has very, very pretty eyes. they're huge, electric blue and would be scary if they were on a robot. and she's extremely white, which leads me to believe that she might actually be a killer robot from Krikkit, but i digress. this is alexis seen at the premiere of her new movie, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, sporting an excellent haircut.

31.5.05

Movie Review: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

plot: mmm... lacking. the evolution of anakin the young pod-racing pup to darth vader... blegh. what a waste of potential. george lucas is mildly incompetant at writing romance. the politics were childish, sort of like something out of the simpsons. palpatine's rise to power was just as contrived as anakin's descent into the dark side. at least that was consistent. small holes in continuity (especially leia in ROTJ, who comments that she remembered her mother being sad, but beautiful). the main villains of the piece were about as threatening as stormtroopers were to ewoks.

visuals: stunning in the 'i spent $120 billion dollars on these computer graphics' sort of way. i understand that the technology available now has far surpassed what lucas concocted for IV - VI, but the ships and technology that appeared in the prequels really detracted from the quality of the 'older' movies. obviously green screen was the only way to go with fictional planetscapes and celestial dogfights, but still... a bit overdone? maybe if lucas had spent more money on better actors... too many scene wipes. it was like me playing with the video mixer in the sanctuary for the first time.

acting: natalie portman was wasted ("hold me, anakin, just like you did by that lake on Naboo" "oh annie, you're breaking my heart!"). hayden was... uh... slighty better because he got the look, but once he tried to speak... fail! it was like watching attack of the clones, but with more sweaty hair. ewan mcgregor was a resounding meh. he looked like george lucas. jar jar was awesome. he looked shocked when palpatine announced his empire, he looked sad at padme's funeral and HE DIDN'T SPEAK AT ALL. yoda was hype. but i think he wasted all his energy on chopping up clones. mace windu was pretty uber, considering all the other jedi masters died like star trek security teams.

sound: john williams is THE MAN.

lightsaber duels: you know why people thought lightsabers were so cool back then? because it was cool and new and rarely used. now it's just overdone, like padme's hair.

rating: 2/5 if you didn't see Episode I and/or II.
5/5 if you saw Episode I and/or II.

19.5.05

Parrish the thought

when asked about her medical condition and how it might affect her ability to vote today...

“Come hell or high water, there’s no frigging way I’m going to let one ovary bring the government down.”
- Parrish, Independent MP

i thought she was referring to Stephen Harper.

17.5.05

the physics of poetry & the poetry of physics

where physics is the manifestation of the inherent beauty of mathematics, so too is poetry the realization of the beauty of language. be it in math or words, both wield their media with a mastery and a precision rarely seen in any field. both subjects are built upon the centuries-old foundations of their respective masters, each one remembered for their pioneering, their creativity, their diligence.

the difference lies in the gender ratio of the classes. that has definitely been the most difficult part of the transition, going from an all-boys club to a veritable sorority. i'm afraid that my hand-waving dismissal of lady mary wroth's depressed whining and pining may get me into trouble with the more vociferous of my female peers.

14.5.05

there was no mention of this in the manual.

9.5.05

Fountain


from the Readymade collection by marcel duchamp

6.5.05

Update: Virgin Mary Stain

a 37 yr. old man was charged with vandalism and defacing state property for writing "BIG LIE" in black shoe polish over the yellow, white stain under a Chicago overpass that resembled the virgin mary. pilgrims wept as state workers painted over the defaced stain.

3.5.05

The Ecstasy of St. Theresa of Avila


Beside me on the left appeared an angel in bodily form . . . He was not tall but short, and very beautiful; and his face was so aflame that he appeared to be one of the highest ranks of angels, who seem to be all on fire . . . In his hands I saw a great golden spear, and at the iron tip there appeared to be a point of fire. This he plunged into my heart several times so that it penetrated my entrails. When he pulled it out I felt that he took them with it, and left me utterly consumed by the great love of God. The pain was so severe that it made me utter several moans. The sweetness caused by this intense pain is so extreme that one can not possibly wish it to cease, nor is one's soul content with anything but God. This is not a physical but a spiritual pain, though the body has some share in it -- even a considerable share.


dirty euphemistic nun!

hm... third catholic satirizing post. is anyone offended yet?

2.5.05

excerpted from Catherine Mulroney's article, "Life inside the Star Wars galaxy", The Toronto Star, May 2, 2005

"While watching television coverage of the election of Pope Benedict XVI, I launched into a monologue on what this might mean for the Catholic Church.

I was interrupted mid-sentence, however, by a child who was compelled to remark upon how closely the new Pope resembled Emperor Palpatine."

29.4.05

perturbation theory

by coupling angular momentum and spin, degeneracy can be avoided as the perturbation energies can be found to be slightly "off". i.e. while we both had the same marks for quantum, i failed the perturbation portion, while you failed the spin-spin coupling, thus our marks are not degenerate and the professor cannot accuse us of cheating. the other argument is that 36% is our usual mark in quantum anyway.

23.4.05

while at Costco...

friday, i was watching their token display movie (spiderman 2 this week. harry potter 3 last week. emma watson > tobey maguire) in surround sound - i stand in front of a smaller crappy tv and face the better LCD screens.
in the first NYU scene, where Peter bumps into someone and gets his textbooks knocked over, i spied a very familiar textbook. it was the exact same quantum mechanics text that i used! however, griffiths' is much better (and cheaper).
i also noticed that Rosie Octavius was played by the same woman that played that detective from Jersey that guested on the latest CSI. i only recognized her by her nose.

21.4.05

Underpass Stain Pilgrimage


CHICAGO (Reuters) - A wall stain that some believe depicts the Virgin Mary drew scores of faithful on Thursday to a gritty highway underpass that has become a shrine with flowers, candles and prayers.

The image, which highway engineers said was probably formed by leaking water and winter road salt from the highway above, first began drawing visitors last week. Their numbers grew daily, causing traffic tie-ups in the vicinity and police later blocked-off part of the area.

Some visitors said the yellow, white and gray mark resembles Mexico's Virgin of Guadalupe, a figure popular in the neighborhood northwest of downtown Chicago where the Kennedy Expressway crosses Fullerton Avenue.

"It's a miracle," said one woman, claiming she could see the face of the woman many Christians revere as the mother of Jesus Christ. Some knelt in prayer, others touched the image on the wall and many took pictures using cellular phones.

The Virgin of Guadalupe has been venerated by successive generations of devout Mexicans since she is said to have first appeared to a shepherd in 1531. She is generally depicted in a gown fringed by rays of light.

Highway officials said they planned to leave the wall as it is.
i know there's a Celtic symbolgist out there who's going to say that the stain looks more like a phallic symbol representing the fertility goddess/sacred feminine and that the true king of Britain will climb out from that womb brandishing the sword and crest of Avalon. he will enlist the help of an attractive, French cryptographer and they will go on a wild, dangerous adventure that leads them to Stonehenge, the Vatican and Kanata, Ontario.

meanwhile, the recently appointed pope Benedict XVI, formerly Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (who zinged rats with the authority of Hitler), will visit this underpass, clog up traffic with his entourage, proclaim it as a Christian relic, a sign from God's mother to "do your homework and clean your room", excavate said stain chunk and set it up in the St. Peter's Square. there it will be visited by a closet Mariologist professor of Mideastern Mythology from the University of Cornedbeefwellington, dragging his students on a field trip, who then expounds the significance of Mary's immaculacy.

one of his students, stoned sky high on Sunchips, will gather up the courage and pluck to lick the stain, causing a huge security ruckus. when questioned later by the press upon his release on bail for possession of banned substances as to why he licked the stain, his reply would echo that of the renowned Celtic symbologist except in more PG-13 terms. he would also add that it tasted salty. and the highway officials of Chicago will say, "told you it was just road-salt run-off, basic Horton overland flow." back in Chicago, the compromised bridge will collapse, cause innumerable rush hour traffic deaths and the apocolypse will be upon Chicago and it's suburban regions.

hearing of this, Bruce Willis will blast off into space with Ben Affleck and ruin the wedding that Jennifer Lopez had planned for Ben and Jennifer Garner, complete with Daredevil and Elektra outfits.

Oshawwwwwa

An Oshawa Transit bus made an unscheduled stop in Toronto yesterday to deliver a most unusual message to 23-year-old Ingrid Valle. Valle was supposed to be meeting her boyfriend, Delisle Murray, 25, at noon for lunch outside her office at Yonge St. and Lawrence Ave.

"Oh, my God, it's an Oshawa bus," Valle exclaimed, as she emerged from the building at 3080 Yonge St. to find Murray and the bus waiting at the curb. He then pointed to the scrolling digital signs at the front and side of the bus that indicated a destination not found on any transit schedule: "Will you marry me?"

Then Murray, holding a ring box, was down on one knee and the sign soon changed to read: "She said yes."

Through tears of joy and surprise, Valle proclaimed, "I'm so happy, I feel sick."
But she quickly recovered and the couple, joined by friends and co-workers, headed for the back of the bus — where their love first bloomed five years ago when both were students at Oshawa's Durham College.

"We would see each other often as we took the bus to school," Valle said in an interview, "then we moved towards the back of the bus and started talking and things just blossomed."

"This pretty well takes us back to where we started," Murray said. "It took a lot of preparation to do it, but I didn't have to say much."

The couple graduated — he in electronics and she in business — and got jobs — he in Ajax and she in Toronto. They still live in Oshawa.

"I know you," Valle said, pointing to bus driver Anne Marie Meester, who had been behind the wheel at various times earlier in their courtship. Meester said she has fond memories of the "very nice couple" who often were passengers on her Durham College run.

"I wish them all the best in the future," she said.

Oshawa Transit general manager Philip Meagher said he readily offered a bus to Murray after he heard the story of "bliss on the bus."

"We even gave him a discount rate on the charter," he said.

Meagher said he let TTC officials know that a foreign bus would be on one of their routes yesterday.

Elizabeth Matthews, a friend and co-worker of Valle, said she was impressed with Murray's creative proposal.

"I give him full props for the effort," she said. "I think they will be very happy together."

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