Depressed!

today was a bad bad day for me....

i was too shocked with everything til i duno wat m i supposed to do...

first...as u all noe, i'm in my seremban for my posting now...and our so "sweet and cute" preceptor ruin it all...she din manage to teach us anything new at all...so we complaint to our head of nursing dept who came down all the way from BJ to seremban....

nobody noes the main purpose they're come down...

second, she indirectly pointed to me that i din wrote her a letter regarding my absence in her class...she pointed that she had waited and waited but no reply of me....so i got it again!

thirdly,...the worst of everything!...they told us that we did very terribly in our community health nursing paper....and said that most of us failed!...so...i was like thinking, will i be the one...she asked us why we did so badly...we gave reasons like putting a project to us which give a total of 25% in our psychology paper such a sudden in between of all our papers...and the questions are easy,maybe it's just too easy that we didnt predict that it could be like tat...in teh end stil our own fault..and finally one of the lecturer revealed the result to me...argh...i FAILED that paper TERRIBLY!!! i had never failed any of my paper that terribly....she told me i got a F!!!...i was js so shocked and duno wat to say...i wanted to give reasons to myself that i had not enough time due to the project that we haf to do, family stuffs and etc...but sh scolded me saying that everything was my fault...i should haf concentrate on my studies and not other unimportant things...

so i told myself that i reli haf to study as hard as i could tis end of semester...if not i will be warn out of the uni...and my everything will be gone!....

my vow...study hard...ignore unnecessary stuffs so that i will not land up with nothing....concentrate on everything i'm doin!!...~peinee~

new beginning?

new look of my blog~:)

it supposed to be d new beginning but...

so bored....

i'm just too too lazy to do anything....

case study and oso exams soon...

datelines...stressors!...

Living Vegetable...

Without realizing, it had been almost two years where I choosed my nursing as my career pathway in future. Time passed, I saw, I learnt a lot of things. I became more empathy on people rather than just sympathy. My care for everyone is oversensitive at times till I guess it annoys people around me. I’m so sensitive towards a small little change and reacted as if it was end of the world.

Suddenly, these few days I realized that being a nurse is not only helping people. I’m beginning to see things the other way round. Last time, I used to think that why can’t we save everyone? Why can’t the doctors and nurses give the best treatment to everyone? Life is very important to everyone. But as time goes on, I don’t see the necessity of doing this if the patient refuses to continue on their life. What’s the point of continue to save them when they don’t the quality of life anymore? Why am I there just to prolong the sufferings of a young patient?

I saw one teenage boy who met with an accident last year and he had been in the hospital since September 2007. He had his anus perforated and he had to use a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. What worsen his condition was during the surgery opening a stoma, he collapsed for a few minutes and his brain was damaged due to insufficient oxygen. Therefore, now he is totally unable to perform anything for himself, unable to talk but just open his eyes each day. He can’t even eat orally but his mouth was open all the while creating more infection chances. Contractures were formed on all his limbs. He will never recover anymore. Why must the doctors save him for such a life? There’s no quality of life in him at all. All he have to do is just wait for his day to come. The family members…how are they going to face all these challenges?...

What is the meaning of us living in this world?

To be who we are or to be who the society want us to be?

What is quality of life means to everyone?... just eating, having enough pleasure and excitement in life?

For some people, when they have terminal illness, we as nurses always encourage them to be strong, be positive and so on to carry on their life. Yes, very true if you’re stronger inside, the will of living is there and you would live longer. But how long they going to SUFFER in themselves while portraying a happy face?

Psychologically…I’m so lost in this…I want everyone to recover but there’s impossible thing to do….

bleeding love~

Closed off from love I didn’t need the pain Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain Time starts to pass before you know it you’re frozen But something happened for the very first time with you My heart melted to the ground found something true And everyone’s looking round thinking I’m going crazy But I don’t care what they say I’m in love with you They try to pull me away but they don’t know the truth My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep keep bleeding love Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love You cut me open Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that their goal is to keep me from falling But nothing’s greater than the risk that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me thinks that I’m going crazy Maybe maybe And it’s draining all of me Though they find it hard to believe I’ll be wearing these scars for everyone to see And I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love You cut me open and I Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

a lil says...

life goes on no matter what....
the song will kept on playing till you put it to stop!....
u can choose the song that u wana hear...
but sometimes the song that u wana hear is not there...
and u end up hearing songs that u dun like...
but u will definitely find a way to get the song u like...
this goes the same to human....
everyone wana find someone who can make them happy...
brighten up their day when they r down...
can create a smile in them whenever they can't...
holding on to them whenever they are alone...afraid...
be there for them whenever they needed someone...
but how many could find one?
how many will appreciate one if they found?
satisfaction in every human is different....

p/s: appreciate ppl around u!

posting!

i'm just getting lazier in writing blog...internet line is not around me...so i have to grab every opportunity to online...
well,basically i'm sban again!! for my clinical posting.....but tis time i haf two weeks in the community clinic...and most of my colleagues are different from last time d...
i'm very frustrated wif some of them as the way they talk are full wif sarcasm and irritating...duno whether i'm too sensitive or they are just like tat....anyway,jsut leave them....

in community clinic,i did a lot of things and saw a lot of stuffs...
i went to maternal child health clinic and saw lots of babies and mothers!!.....and guess what, i gave injections to the babies....all the babies which came in without crying,goes out confirm crying!....i was a lil scared but i know i cant shiver cause it will cause more pain to the baby and evn the mother....
then i also heard fetal heartbeat...and felt the fetal movement in mother's womb!!it's js such a miracle...i'm just so excited to hear and feel all that!...
wel,time is running out for me....chaoz!