The 7 Miracles!

I figured it was high time to update this little blog of ours! I want to remember everything we've been through so I can remember all the little miracles that we've been so blessed with.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SUPER LONG WITHOUT PICTURES! Do not proceed if you can't stand reading. Ha ha ha.
I have much to tell and much I don't want to forget.

For starters, Jordan and I had been trying for a year and a half to bring baby #2 to our little family and give Brailey a sibling. I can't tell you how hard it was after I reached that first year and still no success. At first I wasn't really worried... some people it takes a year (or more) of trying and even most doctors want you to try for that long before looking for possible problems. So for that first year we didn't even look at what could be wrong, we didn't think there was anything wrong.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I was getting frustrated that our family couldn't grow and I couldn't see WHY we had to wait. Life has a way of making sense once you get a chance to look back on it all and that's how this starts.

First, it was actually good we didn't get pregnant right away like we did with Brailey because we were still in transition mode and living in my in-laws basement. We weren't expecting to be there long so it made sense to start trying... but plans changed and it took a while to sell our house in Logan and in the meantime it also took a while for Jordan to get placed in his own store... Instead of the 3-4 months we planned on being there, we were there for a year and 3 months. My in-laws were SO generous and we were grateful to have a place to stay for a while, but it would have been VERY difficult to add another baby in that basement. So I thought maybe it's a blessing in disguise.... right?

Finally we moved to our condo with a 3rd bedroom and I thought for sure it would happen now that we have our place and extra room.... however, it still wasn't happening. Finally I sought some help from a group of moms on Facebook and asked them what I could do to help my body prepare for pregnancy besides prenatal pills. (I like to avoid doctors if I can). Some women said to chart my basal body temperature, but I didn't want to do that because it only tells you that you have already ovulated not that you're going to ovulate. Why on earth would I care to know that? I needed to know when I was going to ovulate... so I passed that idea without another thought.

Another few of them suggested reading a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and I thought... psh... yeah right, I am NOT reading any stupid book about my body. I love to read, but not books that would simply bore me. I wanted to be nice though so I wrote back saying "Sure, I will look into it if I ever get to the library." (I know, I know... I am such a terrible person for lying to them.) Then one of the ladies told me she lives close and would let me borrow her book. At this point I felt like I HAD to read the book because it would be obvious if I told her "no" and even more obvious if I simply pretended to read the book and she asked me some wierd questions later so I accepted and met up with her.

And guess what? I not only read the book, but I learned A LOT about our bodies as women! Stuff that doctors don't even practice anymore or haven't even been taught anymore because it's not "quick."

The book required BBT charting (ugh) and it could take time to figure out what might be wrong, so I charted. It was through these means, though, that I found out that I was deficient in the hormone Progesterone which is necessary to keep a pregnancy going. I wasn't producing enough to even have time to take a pregnancy test, because Aunt Flo would show up. After no success of trying to fix it naturally I finally went to seek help from some professionals and had the doctor take some blood tests.
The problem with these blood tests is that they only take them on day 21 of your cycle... but I have irregular cycles and I don't always ovulate by day 21 (which is what triggers progesterone). The first time this doctor took my blood, I knew I had just ovulated (by charting) so my progesterone levels would be fairly high still..... and of course when it all came back the doctor said I was fine in every way. He put me on this medication of clomid and shoved me out the door, or nearly did anyway. I asked him to test again.... so he did the next month. This time I hadn't ovulated yet... and he tells me that my levels are low. At this point I am thinking "Am I the doctor here? I already knew THAT!" and once again he shoved me out the door. Keep in mind that this was after I explained my problem to him and he really didn't seem to care or listen. I even explained how I found that information out. Still nothing.

I KNEW what my problem was and he treated me like a number... so I switched doctors. I just felt like I was running around in circles, with all of this, and going nowhere.
My first visit with my new doctor (who came recommended this time) was so much better. I told him my issue with progesterone and how I came to learn that issue... and told him about my previous doctor.... and you know what he did? He actually listened to me! He took the time to hear me out and then he prescribed me some Progesterone without testing me on Day 21, without even having the records from my previous doctor yet. The amount he prescribed me helped me go longer than previous cycles, but still wasn't enough to get me to a pregnancy test. All I had to do was call the office and tell them the issue and they upped the dosage. This doctor also wanted to keep me on Clomid just in case there were other issues. So I began taking both clomid and higher dosage of progesterone.

Now I am going to switch topics and tell you something else... This is MIRACLE #1:
I have NEVER wanted twins. I always thought they were cool in other families, but never wanted any for my own. THEN the doctor told me I had a higher chance of conceiving twins or triplets on clomid because it can make you ovulate more than 1 egg at a time.
BUT when he told me this news I wasn't scared or running for the hills like I thought I would, instead I had a strong feeling of peace drench me (yes, drench) and I knew everything would be alright. I didn't know it would mean I would be given twins, I just knew that everything would work out how it was meant to. At this point, I realized that Heavenly Father was basically shoving the answer in my face. He led me to that group of moms, he nearly made it so that I couldn't say no to reading that book. Had I not read that book, learned all that valuable info, and just gone straight to the doctors and done the first set of blood work I NEVER would have found out my problem. After all, it was a DOCTOR who told me all my labs were fine (including my progesterone)... and I would've believed him and continued on my way thinking there was nothing wrong with me.

Back on subject. It took 2 months on the proper amount of progesterone to finally become pregnant! That last half of a year was terrible for me. I just kept feeling like a failure to my family and especially to Brailey because I SO desperately wanted her to have someone to grow up with that she could see everyday. I wanted her to be able to tease, tell secrets to, explore with, relate with, argue with and play with someone closer to her age. As much as I want to be her best friend I am her mom first and foremost and there will be times that she won't want me, she'll want a friend. As each month passed I kept worrying that they would be too far apart in age to do most of those things.
We only had to try for a year and a half, but that was a struggle for me and I was losing hope, enough that I started thinking it might be better to just stop trying.
I can't imagine how other families wait so long. Like that quad squad having tried for 8 YEARS! I probably would've given up long before then. They have a lot stronger faith and positive outlook than I do.

April 22, 2015....MIRACLE #2: really NOT expecting to be pregnant this month but wanting to get the testing over with and stop taking the progesterone pills I decided to take a dollar store test one day earlier than planned. A few minutes later and I saw that faint second line and I couldn't believe my eyes! First off, I wasn't expecting to be pregnant this month... it had been a busy month and there wasn't a whole lot of "trying" if you get what I mean. Ha ha. Plus the shock of actually seeing a positive test after SO long of negative ones!
That same day I told the amazing news to Jordan by having Brailey tell him there was a baby in mommy's tummy (she told him in my butt LOL)..... and then I just hoped and prayed that I wouldn't miscarry. Once I knew I was pregnant I didn't even think of twins AT ALL, so I assumed it was just one baby (which I was perfectly happy with).

MIRACLE #3: During this time we had been looking at homes to buy and thought we found one. We found a cute 2 bedroom town house with more storage space. The rooms were huge so we planned that we would keep the baby in our room til they were a little older and then they would room with Brailey. So we put in an offer. Once we did I just kept feeling like it wasn't the right place, but we loved it so much that I just thought it was me being scared of the changes. We went back and forth on offers with the owners and even offered MORE than their asking price, but they decided to take another higher offer. Though we didn't understand at the time that this was a blessing in disguise we found out very soon why.....

By week 5 of pregnancy I was sick... so sick some days that I could hardly get out of bed. I was so nauseated that I couldn't eat or even drink water. Crackers and ginger were not working a bit. I was calling in sick or going home early because I couldn't do anything. I tried a few different prescriptions that the doctors gave me and none of them worked.
Side note: we rely on my income as much as Jordan's and the only thing we could do at that point was eliminate the cars and get junkers which wouldn't have been too good either.
We didn't know what we were going to do. Without my income, all of it, we'd be struggling to get by with all that we owe.

MIRACLE #4 and #5:
By nearly 9 weeks, I finally called the doctor and told them how bad I was feeling and that it wasn't going away. My initial appointment was only a few days away, but I just couldn't stand feeling so sick. I was losing weight and just miserable. The doctors decided they wanted to see me to check that it wasn't something else making me sick. They told me that they wouldn't do the ultrasound this time since my appointment for that was only a few days away... instead they were going to blood work and urine tests and ask me more questions. So I told Jordan to stay home and watch Brailey.
When I went in, though, my doctor immediately did an ultrasound. He had the screen facing him so at first I couldn't see anything... then he says "well, there's part of the reason you're sick" and turned the screen to me...... I saw TWO little beans.... with wide eyes all I could say is "Am I seeing Two?"

Totally unexpected! I was sad Jordan couldn't have been there with me, but the doctor gave me a picture of them to take home and show him. I took the picture home and said "here's your baby" and waited to see if he noticed there were TWO instead of one. 5 seconds later and he's looking at me questioningly, but knowingly. When I shook my head yes he finally spoke the words "Are there two?" Again, I shook my head yes.... Needless to say, Jordan was amazed and EXCITED!  The doctor decided to check my gallbladder since I was in such pain, but everything came back okay. Then I started having a couple "good" days. I call them good because I could handle the sickness and pain better and I was able to eat without feeling so disgusting.

Things didn't get completely better, I still had bad days mixed with a good one here and there. And we had a lot to think about. Twins means higher risk pregnancy... it could mean having to go on bed rest for months without my income. We stopped looking at homes because there was no way to afford one if there was ever a chance of me not working. Our only option if that were to happen was to move back in with my in-laws and make it work somehow til I could go back to work.

And then MIRACLE #6 happened: Not knowing what to do or how to make it by we kept chugging along hoping for better days. I started seeing more good days then bad and thought maybe I could handle it. But even my bad days were getting to me and I was starting to become depressed. Jordan was my rock and kept me strong when I was weak so I kept pushing through. You know how the last month of pregnancy feels like an eternity? Well, each day for me felt like an eternity and I didn't know how I was supposed to get through 8 more months, let alone the next day. Brailey was such an easy pregnancy, no sickness at all... I loved that pregnancy and thought I could have lots more babies if they all went like hers.

In the meantime, Jordan started looking for other jobs, but wasn't finding anything that would pay him more. NOTHING!
THEN his coworker applied for another job and got accepted... so Kohl's tried offering her more money to stay, but she didn't take it. Jordan's boss took a leap and asked the higher-ups to give Jordan more money because he was also looking to leave and they wouldn't want that. After some negotiations, things worked out and he got a really good raise. Enough that I can cut my hours down and we can still make it by... and we can make it work if I have to go on bed rest.

We also realized there was MIRACLE #7: There is no way I would've been able to handle twins if Brailey were going to be any younger. She will be nearly 4 years old when they are born and I think that will help SO much in keeping me sane. And if I had been pregnant with only one baby, sooner than this, we might have stopped having kids and not finished our family. We were meant to wait to be ready to bring 2 into this world at once. We were meant to wait to be out of my in-laws place, meant to wait to be able to handle all of this.

Some might think this is all just a big coincidence, but I don't believe in coincidence.... especially not when there are SO many in a given time and all surrounding the same topic.
This whole experience has been a crazy ride, but I wouldn't change it for anything. We have witnessed so many blessings (miracles as I call them) that there is no way I can deny there is a Heavenly Father who loves us and is watching over us and knows our trials. He has been so very giving and helpful through all of this and I am so grateful for His love and help.

I needed to write all this down to remember again one day... before my pregnancy brain gets any worse.... I need to remember when I am facing a trial that we do have someone watching us and protecting us, even if it's not how we want or expect.

Children of God

I felt the need to write something that sort of inspired me a while ago and I am now just getting to it. So, here it is and I am sorry if it is all jumbled up. I have never been good at speaking or writing especially when trying to make something funny, entertaining, or meaningful, so please pardon my faults.

I had my own sort of epiphany a while back, one which I am sure was given to me on purpose through means of Divine Inspiration.  The epiphany was 'We are all CHILDREN of God.' I know, you're probably thinking, uh really? That was your epiphany? Any Christian knows that!
Well this epiphany goes much deeper, but before I continue on let me explain something about myself that has always been a part of my life..... judgement.

I have always been a judgmental person. I am the person that see's the cover and judges the book before I have opened its pages. I am the person who won't eat the food because of the way it looks or smells, I won't even taste it because I have already made assumptions about it. I am the person who jumps to conclusions before examining the evidence. I am the person who looks at people and tries to find their outer flaws because I am insecure about my own. I am the person who judges the sinner.... even though I am a sinner myself.
I grew up believing this was just something everyone does. I grew up not understanding how hurtful it is to others, but also to myself, to think and act this way.

I don't believe I am a completely terrible person. I wasn't always this harmful in my thoughts and deeds. I was actually quite loving and caring of others especially when I knew they were in need or when I actually did get to know them and love them for the beauty inside of them. Most of my judging thoughts were with strangers, but I also did it with family members as well.

The Church teaches that judgement is up to God alone and if you could understand the depth of my problem you would know how hard this has been for me to learn. It was almost an automatic response in my head when I would see someone... anyone. "He's so skinny.... he'd look better if he had less pimples.... she looks stuck up... she is stupid.... that person is disgusting... I can't believe they did that."... and so on and so on.

For the most part my thoughts were all negative. Occasionally, I would have a positive thought such as "wow she has beautiful eyes.... he is really knowledgeable... love her hair.... wish I was as talented as him.... wish I had her motivation." Must have been my especially good days or something. ha ha.

I couldn't stop it.... I tried several times to be more positive and to remember that I have sins of my own... that others are judging me on my appearance, on my not-so-motherly skills, on everything I do and say. BUT, nothing was lasting more than a day or two. I just couldn't get over their "faults." You know those perfect friends you have that you just get annoyed of because they are SO perfect? I have those.... several of them... and I would even try to find faults in them just because I hated that they were so much better than me.

Now you are realizing just how horrible I am really am. I wouldn't blame you... I hated being this kind of a person, but I just couldn't change it.

This year, I have been praying to be a better person, to be open to differing opinions and thoughts because let's face it nobody is right except me.... Am I right? Lol. Just kidding. But seriously though, I hate to be wrong and I knew I needed help... some Divine intervention so to speak... to change this mentality of mine.

There are many different ways to learn and I learn best visually. I have to SEE it for it to make sense. If I don't get a chance to see something play out in my mind then the lesson or teaching doesn't always make a connection. I am left with just words and differing thoughts on what they could mean.

So a couple weeks ago it finally hit me. We are all children of God. I was walking through a store one day (can't remember exactly which one) and I happened to look at one specific person... just a random older gentlemen who was wandering about in the store and before I could look at him and think of something rude or ugly about him, I saw him as a child. I actually envisioned him being a child once.... like my daughter is right now. So much love in their hearts. The evils of the world still unknown to their beautiful minds just yet. I don't know this person or what he used to look like, his age has changed most of his true features, and yet there he was in my mind... a child... a Son of God.
Not only did this man change before my eyes, but there was a light around him. One which made me realize that God loves him just as much as he loves me.... no matter what.

He loves them. ALL of them. When all of these thoughts started connecting not only mentally but emotionally and spiritually, I felt a sudden connection to this stranger... a love that wasn't there before... a love that felt similar to the love I have for my family and for Brailey. The love that God must feel for all his children. And again, I realized... they ARE family. They are a part of me. I felt a new appreciation for this person and I had never even met him before. I don't know his talents and qualities in life. I don't know what sins he has committed. And it didn't matter. My job isn't to look at them and judge them for their choices in this life, it is to love them.

This event has not made me perfect in my thoughts towards others, but it has changed them drastically. I now have the ability, with help from the Holy Ghost, to STOP these kinds of thoughts when I can tell they are not Christlike.  If I catch myself judging someone, then I stop and try to see them as I saw that man. I try to see them as a child... its so much easier to love and see the beauty in a child. When I leave all else behind....all our differences.... then is my heart open to love them.

It is and always will be a work in progress for me, but I now have that personal lesson to live by and remember. And I will forever be grateful to our Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to learn.

Time well spent!

Wow! It's been a while since I updated... it has been a busy few months. Not even sure where they went, just kind of flew by, but pretty much all of that time was very well spent.

In the middle of October we decided to make a trip out to California to see my sister Krystal and her cute little family who just moved there. This trip was different from most the of the California trips we make because we usually head to south Cali which is only 10-11 hour drive, but this time we were heading to the northern part of Cali which was a 13 hour drive. It would also be our first vacation with Brailey. Those 13 hours in the car were difficult. Brailey did pretty good, but there were a couple hours where she was just screaming and crying and nothing would get her to stop... and due to the fact that I didn't get much sleep the previous night and had to work before leaving for this trip I was EXHAUSTED. Usually Jordan and I take turns on driving and we drive about the same amount of time. This time, however, I barely drove 2 hours on the way there. I just couldn't keep my eyes open enough. So jordan was sweet enough to drive the other 11 hours. I'm sure you are thinking "isn't 11 hours enough sleep"? Well, with Brailey talking loudly in the back and the light streaming in through my window sleep was very difficult. I was getting up every few minutes to hand Brailey another toy or book or pick up the one she just dropped or get her blanket or give her some snacks.... and Jordan would point out random things, jolting me from my almost sleep. SO in all reality I maybe got a couple hours of sleep on the journey and not very restful ones at that.

I have never been to mid-northern California. It was more beautiful then I imagined. I don't mind palm trees but honestly I prefer pine trees so with the California I was used to seeing I was expecting lots more palm trees, which I really didn't want to see. I was pleasantly surprised by all the forests and pine trees we drove past. I was thankful to finally arrive at our destination and see some warm inviting faces that I had been missing.

While we were there, we visited Stanford University which was SO beautiful. The way it was built was amazing. I loved all the old building designs and I loved how huge their park was... so much green everywhere. We also went over the golden gate bridge to visit Muir Woods with all the large redwood trees, we went to Pier 39 and Fishermans Warf, we drove through the streets of San Francisco and saw the Full House Home. We also went to the beach and I took Jordan to go Skydiving as his early birthday surprise. :)

This is the size of some of the Redwood trees. Many are more large than this one. 

Hard to tell, but may of the trees were burned during a fire that happened many years ago and they still survived. Redwoods are some of the most resilient trees out there and can survive just about anything.

Golden Gate Bridge. It was cloudy that day (as is most days), so we couldn't see the very top, but it was pretty cool to drive over. 

Our day at the Beach. It was still a bit too chilly to me to get into my swim suit but everyone else seemed to be fine with it. It was still beautiful as it always is, but definitely not the best water to play in. Way to cold. 

Family pic at the beach.

Krystal and the girls. :)

Look at how HUGE these trees are! I was in AWE of them. 

Another pic of Golden Gate Bridge. 

We decided to visit Pier 39  with all the Sea Lions and there was a ton of them!

They were all just basking in the sun. 

From Pier 39 you could see the prison Alcatraz. It was kind of eerie to actually see it firsthand.  It almost seems like just a story when you only hear about it, but it all becomes real when your actually there. Sort of like Nostalgia, but this wasn't an "affection" for the past. 

We all decided to take a boat out to get a better look of Alcatraz. It was already a chilly day, but the wind mixed with splashes of the freezing ocean water made it even more cold. Luckily they gave all the passengers blankets to cover up and stay warm. :) 

On the boat and San Francisco in the background. 

After all this fun, we had to head home and Brailey did SO much better on the way home. She didn't get fussy until the last half hour of our drive and by that point I was gonna get pretty fussy myself. lol. This time I decided to drive most of the way home. We had a fabulous time being able to hang out and visit Krystal, Devin, and the girls. It was actually kind of sad to leave them and almost felt strange to leave at all because we had fallen in love with this part of California. (Although I could never get used to living there.. too many people). I loved the history of it all... the beauty. We hope to visit again. 

One morning back at home Brailey decided she wanted to take her giraffe and cow upstairs to breakfast.While I was getting her breakfast ready she did this. :) lol. She knows exactly what this is.... I give her kisses all the time and I am sure she sees me giving daddy kisses too. 

A day or two before Halloween I decided it was time for Brailey to have a bit of a trim. Her hair was growing in a little uneven in the sides and I had multiple people tell me to cut her bangs... So here we were. I didn't want to get her hair cut because... well she is a girl and I want her hair to grow long and since her hair seems to closely resemble mine it takes FOREVER to grow.

She did really good! She was scared in the beginning but didn't really cry and kinda liked watching herself in the mirror. 

That same week after getting home from Cali, Jordan and I decided to go to frightmares! It was a blast! Still love the rides, the shows, although the food has actually gotten worse. ha ha.

Whenever we go to Lagoon I always have to visit the Bingham cabin. This is my Great Great Great Grandpa Binghams house. Him and his sons were the founders of the Kenicott Copper Mines (not named that at the time). They eventually sold the mines because copper wasn't a huge use at the time. Dang it Grandpa! We could have been rich. lol. jk. There really is a Nostalgic feeling when I visit this house. It makes me wish that I could have lived back then to see what it was like.... to meet the men who eventually helped create me and my family. 

Then came Halloween and all the trunk or treats we could manage. Brailey got a huge stash of candy and made out like a bandit! It was SO much fun taking her out and walking door to door with her. She loved getting the candy in her bag. Everyone kept saying how cute she was and one kid and his mom yelled for their entire family to come to the door to see her. I almost think I had more fun then her. 

We carved pumpkins. I didn't get a picture of Jordans cause he took it out already, but this was mine. :) 

"When your with the Flintstones, you'll have a yabba dabba doo time, a dabba doo time, you'll have a gay old time!" 

Cutest little "Pebbles" on the block! 

Oh I just love her!

There was a family dressed as "Wreck It Ralph" at our ward trunk or treat and I just HAD to take a picture. It was ADORABLE! These guys were creative!

 So far it has been a good past couple of months. Brailey is getting big and learning something new everyday. She is super smart and I am always amazed at what she knows without me having actually taught her. I am so blessed to have her and my husband in my life. I just wouldn't be the same without them. :) That's all for now folks.

Summer Sun, Summer Fun!

This summer has been quite a blast! It's been a while since we have gotten out this often and done this much stuff. It helps that Brailey is a little bit older and we can take her with us on our family dates, but it also helps to live with my in-laws and have them help watch Brailey when Jordan and I need a date night to ourselves. 

Well... this post is mostly going to be pictures since I failed to upload them on time and post about them. So enjoy!

We went boating on Pineview Reservoir and Brailey really seemed to like it. She was still timid of the water at the time, but she liked the fresh air. She even fell asleep on the boat a couple times. :)

 We went swimming at the aquatic center a couple times. The first time, Brailey was still not too excited about the water, but the second time she was IN LOVE with it and cried when we pulled her out. 

We took her to her first movie. Monsters University. She did pretty good, but just got anxious to move around.

On the rides at the mall. She thought this was awesome and didn't want it to stop. 

We have been to Grandma and Grandpa Wayments multiple times to play and see everyone. 

We had our annual Pitchford camping reunion up in the Uintas and it was so much fun and such a beautiful place to spend the time. 

Playing cards :)

 The scenery. If I could take a picture of the stars I would have. They were beyond gorgeous to see. 

Just got home from Church. 

For my birthday we went to Lagoon and I invited a bunch of friends and family.

Hichem and Raiza: two of our friends that we worked with in the Logan Home Depot. 

Mom and Dad Pitchford

Brailey getting excited for swim time at Lagoon A Beach!

Me and Jordan

Brailey and Jordan in the Lazy River. She didn't like the water at first cause it was COLD!

Jodi, Sasha, and Me. Another couple of my friends but these are ones from the Riverdale Home Depot. :) 

Brailey's first ride was on the boats. And she loved it! But I think I was more excited then she was. Ha ha. 

Grandma and Brailey on the Train. So cute. 

Later on that day my sister Krystal arrived with my niece Addie. And we let them ride some of the rides together. :)

Brailey has an attachment to Addie. She is always giving her hugs. 

Krystal and Addie on the Dinosaur Drop. :)

Me and Krystal about to go on one of the best rides there: Air Race!

We are all on the mini-swings. Kinda blurry cause it started moving right as I went to take the picture. 

Went on the Terror ride. Addie doesn't look too happy cause she was scared, but once we got off of it she said "I want to go on it again!" ha ha.. silly girl.

Overall this summer has been a great one, but I am SO ready for Autumn!