Saturday, July 07, 2012
In case I forget how I feel now in the future, here's it.
I am excited about my life. Work is alright. I am not like the topn performer in the cohort. Not even close. But that gives me the possibility of improving right?! haha and I think generally people are ok with me in the team etc and I kind of can finish all my work fast enough and I guess I do meet the standards required 90% of the time? i hope?
Makeup is good too.. there are so many things that I want to try. So many possibilities. I do like 'screw up' sometimes but I guess the hit rate is quite high nevertheless. It is giving me good enough side income but I guess it will all be spend on the courses that I will like to enroll in. I like the fact that my livelihood doesnt depend on it though :)
Weekends are packed with shoots etc n meeting friends. Work wise, colleagues are nice and it can be fun working despite the hrs. pay not fantastic but it's alright.
haha can I just say I am loving it?! at least for now? ok that is before peak comes and I will revert back to my haggard self. haha
oh well~~
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
sigh sigh sigh...
i am performing average at work and makeup work is doing ok... work coming in slow but not as if there is nothing.
nothing seems too bad and nth seems too great. hate to be average. but there are no push and pull factors for me to move anywhere. is status quo a good choice? really cannot decide what i should do, what i want to do and what i can do. i need some motivation in life and maybe someone to slap me and ask me to just stop being a lazy bum and live to my fullest and make full use of my potential.
i want to get out of this whirlpool man.
come on JY. do something!
sigh. but i can totally bet on the fact that nothing is going to change the next 2 years. what can get me moving? I wonder? hmmm
i am performing average at work and makeup work is doing ok... work coming in slow but not as if there is nothing.
nothing seems too bad and nth seems too great. hate to be average. but there are no push and pull factors for me to move anywhere. is status quo a good choice? really cannot decide what i should do, what i want to do and what i can do. i need some motivation in life and maybe someone to slap me and ask me to just stop being a lazy bum and live to my fullest and make full use of my potential.
i want to get out of this whirlpool man.
come on JY. do something!
sigh. but i can totally bet on the fact that nothing is going to change the next 2 years. what can get me moving? I wonder? hmmm
Monday, December 26, 2011
Am I an adult or still a kid?
I think I had a darn good life so far. I love my life and look back at my past 20+ years with no regrets. I have experiment quite a bit, done well, meet new people, and grown :)
going forward..
at my crossroads now. time to make a decision? I need a bit of help. But I am sure that my life will continue to be great. if I make it so!
i'm excited but apprehensive at the same time. Helen Keller 'life is an adventure or nothin' hmmm... sounds nice but it is not going to be easy isnt it?
I am looking forward to seeing what decision I will make.
PS. I cant believe i am actually blogging? and during work? haha I think I am so not me. ???
going forward..
at my crossroads now. time to make a decision? I need a bit of help. But I am sure that my life will continue to be great. if I make it so!
i'm excited but apprehensive at the same time. Helen Keller 'life is an adventure or nothin' hmmm... sounds nice but it is not going to be easy isnt it?
I am looking forward to seeing what decision I will make.
PS. I cant believe i am actually blogging? and during work? haha I think I am so not me. ???
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
some updates on my life for my own reference
I guess typing my little thoughts here will be a better idea compared to drafting it in word doc and losing it when i lose my laptop. (unless blogspot closes down or mankind decides that tech advancement is not the way to go and shut down all data that is store somewhere out there which i dont know where) Anyway, I mean who will imagine that after tugging my pathetic laptop around for close to five years, I will actually be so careless and lose it at a bus stop? oh well... i've learn to live without it.
Hmm... life has been kind of calming these days. I have gotten use to my new lifestyle, my new 'work' etc etc. Today is an especially calming day. Waking up in the morning and snoozing till i decide to wakeup, flipping through the newspaper n going through all the comic strips in the life section then checking out face book and replying emails. Then i realised that i have nothing much to do for the rest of the day. :) I used to dread this kind of days right? but now somehow not having my days packed to the max is not bothering me too much. I have learnt to take it slow and not be too uptight somehow. Not too sure how this is going to change when i start work. hmmm... even during the first 2 mths after i grad, i was so depressed because I didnt have enough makeup jobs and things to do. I was bored and I felt a little useless. plus, i wasnt earning enough to go on holidays and go on spending sprees. alot of time + no money = bad bad life. so thankfully, i somehow got tons of tuition offers after cny and i took some of it up. but the thing is i have no idea what will happen to them when i start work. Should i kill myself and have tons of tuition on weekends after working 5 full days or what? their olevels is like just less than 6 mths away and i really dont think it's ideal for them to switch tuition teachers. Attempting to do makeup full time was also a disaster initially. With so few contacts, it is really hard to get myself busy and get my ideas through. It is alot better now and my weekends are almost all packed till my starting date. The problem now is i feel quite stressed. the more you do, the more pictures and works that I have, the more expectations the photogs have of me. sometimes i feel that i have to work doubly hard so that they will be happy with the results. but then again, art kind of stuff can be subjective right? I just hope that the rest of the planned shoots will end up well. :) i have like more than like 10 shoots planned! which is real nice. and the money will allow me to be spending quite comfortably in korea n hk n mongolia i guess. :) yeah! but the sad thing is i think i might have to give these all up when i start work. i mean i dont want to work myeslf to death ya. after seeing so many friends getting depressed over work or over their job search, i think it is not worth it. i mean i am not looking to buy big ticket items in the near future so an income like what i am getting even now, without a full time job is more than enough (provided I dont keep traveling. haha). actually i'm so so comfortable with my current lifestyle, i'm wondering how i can adjust to the corporate life. I mean i think tons of the people out there will want to trade their lives with me. (aside from the pay) haha. for the past 2 hrs, i was happily drinking tea and reading a random book about lives of some women and how they deal with husbands that are cheating on them, failing careers etc etc. Somehow i think as much as it is fiction, these happenings are common in real life too. As friends share their stories, (i have a lot more time to spend with ppl nowadays and more time spent, more stories shared etc etc) i realised that everyone's life seems to be so so different and interesting in good and bad ways. every one should have their own biblo too! anyway i realised that i have quite a bit of outstanding things to do; like coming up with my stencils and my designs. but i guess all those can wait ya. i'm the boss in my life now before i sell my soul to the company. so today since i dont have the mood to do do those, i shall just go n have a swim later in the afternoon and maybe go chill out myself at some place. hmm... have to go figure out where though... somewhere cheap n nice. anyway, i'm seeing the doc again this fri. hopefully after this session i will not have to go back anymore. say hi to short skirts and sleeveless and tube tops or whatever la! if all goes well, i will indulge on a major shopping spree in Ko rea! life is fair right? since i suffered so much over the last few months the next few months will be good i hope? looking forward to that. :)
10 more weeks before a major change in my life. i'm kinda anticipating it but i think i will miss my current life. so heck la, shall just enjoy like mad now k. want to spend spend, want to sleep sleep. want to work work, live with my heart not my head for now. loves!
Hmm... life has been kind of calming these days. I have gotten use to my new lifestyle, my new 'work' etc etc. Today is an especially calming day. Waking up in the morning and snoozing till i decide to wakeup, flipping through the newspaper n going through all the comic strips in the life section then checking out face book and replying emails. Then i realised that i have nothing much to do for the rest of the day. :) I used to dread this kind of days right? but now somehow not having my days packed to the max is not bothering me too much. I have learnt to take it slow and not be too uptight somehow. Not too sure how this is going to change when i start work. hmmm... even during the first 2 mths after i grad, i was so depressed because I didnt have enough makeup jobs and things to do. I was bored and I felt a little useless. plus, i wasnt earning enough to go on holidays and go on spending sprees. alot of time + no money = bad bad life. so thankfully, i somehow got tons of tuition offers after cny and i took some of it up. but the thing is i have no idea what will happen to them when i start work. Should i kill myself and have tons of tuition on weekends after working 5 full days or what? their olevels is like just less than 6 mths away and i really dont think it's ideal for them to switch tuition teachers. Attempting to do makeup full time was also a disaster initially. With so few contacts, it is really hard to get myself busy and get my ideas through. It is alot better now and my weekends are almost all packed till my starting date. The problem now is i feel quite stressed. the more you do, the more pictures and works that I have, the more expectations the photogs have of me. sometimes i feel that i have to work doubly hard so that they will be happy with the results. but then again, art kind of stuff can be subjective right? I just hope that the rest of the planned shoots will end up well. :) i have like more than like 10 shoots planned! which is real nice. and the money will allow me to be spending quite comfortably in korea n hk n mongolia i guess. :) yeah! but the sad thing is i think i might have to give these all up when i start work. i mean i dont want to work myeslf to death ya. after seeing so many friends getting depressed over work or over their job search, i think it is not worth it. i mean i am not looking to buy big ticket items in the near future so an income like what i am getting even now, without a full time job is more than enough (provided I dont keep traveling. haha). actually i'm so so comfortable with my current lifestyle, i'm wondering how i can adjust to the corporate life. I mean i think tons of the people out there will want to trade their lives with me. (aside from the pay) haha. for the past 2 hrs, i was happily drinking tea and reading a random book about lives of some women and how they deal with husbands that are cheating on them, failing careers etc etc. Somehow i think as much as it is fiction, these happenings are common in real life too. As friends share their stories, (i have a lot more time to spend with ppl nowadays and more time spent, more stories shared etc etc) i realised that everyone's life seems to be so so different and interesting in good and bad ways. every one should have their own biblo too! anyway i realised that i have quite a bit of outstanding things to do; like coming up with my stencils and my designs. but i guess all those can wait ya. i'm the boss in my life now before i sell my soul to the company. so today since i dont have the mood to do do those, i shall just go n have a swim later in the afternoon and maybe go chill out myself at some place. hmm... have to go figure out where though... somewhere cheap n nice. anyway, i'm seeing the doc again this fri. hopefully after this session i will not have to go back anymore. say hi to short skirts and sleeveless and tube tops or whatever la! if all goes well, i will indulge on a major shopping spree in Ko rea! life is fair right? since i suffered so much over the last few months the next few months will be good i hope? looking forward to that. :)
10 more weeks before a major change in my life. i'm kinda anticipating it but i think i will miss my current life. so heck la, shall just enjoy like mad now k. want to spend spend, want to sleep sleep. want to work work, live with my heart not my head for now. loves!
Monday, October 04, 2010
guilty for not working like a mad dog?
MJ: Can you offer some practical first steps on how to be idle?
TH: Part of this individualism is you feel this pressure that you alone have to conquer the world, and if you don’t work all the hours God gives then you start feeling really guilty. If you can stop feeling guilty, then I think it’s easier to start doing what you want to do. The way to stop feeling guilty is to read stuff--I’m not saying my book, but works by Bertrand Russell or Oscar Wilde, people who weren’t losers but who didn’t believe in the work ethic, and argued this thing about guilt or wrote philosophy about idleness.
There are a lot of little tricks you can do to inject a bit more time into the day. Most important is limiting yourself to a 40 hour week, not working 50 hours or 60 or 70. It’s just crazy. It’s actually irresponsible to you and irresponsible to your family and friends. Why should your employer’s profits be more important than your own family? You’re not even going to get any of the profits—all you get is not losing your job. It’s a very negative system.
You have to ask, what kind of schedule would I like to work by, and is it possible in my life to create that way of working? That becomes your aspiration. In a way it’s ambitious, but the ambition is to be your own boss.
from http://motherjones.com/media/2005/06/how-be-idle-interview-tom-hodgkinson#disqus_thread
words in bold kind of sums up how i feel most of the time; when i happen to have the time to stop, think and feel like that.
TH: Part of this individualism is you feel this pressure that you alone have to conquer the world, and if you don’t work all the hours God gives then you start feeling really guilty. If you can stop feeling guilty, then I think it’s easier to start doing what you want to do. The way to stop feeling guilty is to read stuff--I’m not saying my book, but works by Bertrand Russell or Oscar Wilde, people who weren’t losers but who didn’t believe in the work ethic, and argued this thing about guilt or wrote philosophy about idleness.
There are a lot of little tricks you can do to inject a bit more time into the day. Most important is limiting yourself to a 40 hour week, not working 50 hours or 60 or 70. It’s just crazy. It’s actually irresponsible to you and irresponsible to your family and friends. Why should your employer’s profits be more important than your own family? You’re not even going to get any of the profits—all you get is not losing your job. It’s a very negative system.
You have to ask, what kind of schedule would I like to work by, and is it possible in my life to create that way of working? That becomes your aspiration. In a way it’s ambitious, but the ambition is to be your own boss.
from http://motherjones.com/media/2005/06/how-be-idle-interview-tom-hodgkinson#disqus_thread
words in bold kind of sums up how i feel most of the time; when i happen to have the time to stop, think and feel like that.
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