i want to be loved, i dont want to love anymore
im so tired. so tired of crying my heart out all the time, and you probably not knowing it. even if you do know, you dont do much about it anyway.
i dont wanna try anymore. i dont wanna put in so much effort for a 'i dont care'. those 3 words are so simple yet so hurtful. i dont wanna care anymore too.
im not the girl who'd make you put aside everything to be with, to hear from. you're not the guy who can be by my side and treat me with love and respect always.
i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know how to feel. my heart just feels so numbed. i feel like giving up.
i dont know how to love anymore.
death cab for cutie
I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It’s been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place
Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you
I hold out for one more drink
Before I think
I’m looking too desperately
But so far has not been fun
I should just stay home
If one thing really means one
This club will hopefully
Be closed in three weeks
That would be cool with me
Well I’m still imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place
Well, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you
not your average princess
i never felt like this before
just when i leave im back for more
nothing else here seems to matter
in these ever changing days
you're the one thing that remains
i could stay like this forever
havent blogged in almost a week, let me recount the days since.
friday was the poa paper which i fucked up due to the meagre revision, and it gave me a huge headache as always my beloved poa. i hope you sense the sarcasm. yes and baby screwed up the movie times so cherri and i had to cab down to town. sorry babe, for having to put up with my rantings throughout the journey. anyhow we caught accuracy of death which i totally 'slept through', remind me never to watch shows rated 5 stars. just not my kind of movie. then we met up with C&C, ended up at zouk next. baby didnt club because he couldnt get the stamp and he had the curfew issue so, yeah. i drank my first of many drinks that night! ak47, around the world, hot-and-sticky (: and together with heineken i was freaking high. many thanks to owl and C for taking care of me, sorry i was such a mess :| i didnt puke though. anyway yay, i made friends with the bag-drop guy steven! (: (:
saturday was the big hangover. headaches are seriously the bane of my life. slept till i had to get out of bed to meet ching. did the usual catching up, then met exclusive. long queue at shokudo, so we walked around while waiting for the waiter to give us a call when the table was ready. bumped into flex who happened to be working at leftfoot that day. my eyeeecandy!! haha always will be, he's got the most beautiful eyes i swear :P anyhow dinner at shokudo was err moderate. actually i cant really comment on their food because i merely ordered a chicken soup which i only had a few mouthfuls of because i just didnt have the appetite :( oh yeah, did i mention baby joined us for dinner? haha i think it went fine la not too awkward i was glad he made effort to make conversations. thank you (:
sunday = rest day! baby asked me out, said he wanted to visit sentosa after missing it for 5 whole years but i was too tired to get out. felt abit sick then already. there was some miscommunication and for awhile i thought he was angry with me but it turned out that i was just being paranoid. haha anyhow the relatives were over we played some card game and i won 38 bucks (: (: however it was all gone in a flash the following day.
monday
met up with baby at 3 odd. that pig tricked me into thinking i was late when he was still on his way! how dare he haha we had alot of time to kill before the movie so we window shopped. shall not blog about every single thing we did or i can go on forever. basically we caught made of honour which was not bad i like patrick dempsey haha have i mentioned ive a thing for old men? im infatuated with people like hugh grant haha yes yes now you'll ask what am i doing with m then, honestly ive no idea. i digressed. oh yar we bumped into jarryl and co. its just so weird around them now, but heck i dont really care they're such assholes anyway. so after the movie we went for supper cabbed back to my place had a stroll at the playground where he very randomly popped the question again he's so cute he actually planned to ask at sentosa but i rejected going haha. yet, he decided this time round it was still too lousy and said he'll try again haha
tuesday and wednesday
slacked at home doing absolutely nothing but feeling sick the whole damn time fuck :( grr im getting all worked up now because some idiot just pissed me off on fb. oh yes and baby went to sleep without telling me! hrmpffffff bye world
sweet child of mine
you'll always be a part of me
im part of you indefinitely
girl dont you know you cant escape me
ooh darling cos you'll always be my baby
woke up to morning call from baby at 8 but didnt get up till 3 hours later. ane and shan dropped by to accompany me to study but we ended up gossiping and doing everything else haha i believe i have the sweetest gfs in the whole wide world and seriously doubt i'll be able to survive without them LOVE YOU DEEP DEEP BABES (:
anyhow, today's a good day apart from the very minimal non-existent work i did. because the night ended off with baby showering me with the exact attention and love i want HAHAHAHAHA okay cue to puke now (: (:
xoxo
together in electric dreams
you are my baby baby baby baby love\
math paper today was fine, i was 5 minutes late for the paper thanks to dad who insisted it'd be fine to go to the petrol kiosk before dropping me off at expo. YES EXPO YOUR EYES ARE NOT PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU FUCKING ALL-THE-WAY-AT THE-END-OF-THE-GREEN-LINE EXPO! GRRR.
anyhow met up with jewel (minus bel who's leading the simple life in cebu right now MISS YOU SO MUCH!) in town. great catching up session i must say, love them to death! then ching came for dinner, we gossiped the whole night away i did my nails. oh and abit of a saga happened in between but everything is fine and dainty now so i guess i shall skip that part.
almost 3am already its bedtime (:
do yo dance
seems like a daily affair to blog, so i shall do so even though its already 1 plus am and the math paper begins in less than 9 hours.
baby called at 11 this morning to wake me up, though late but credit given for remembering to phone nonetheless. made myself brunch, scrambled eggs + hotdogs = love (: practised math while chatting on msn, napped alot in between. how boring im just recounting what i did today okay anyway gonna meet jewel and maybe crew girls later!! so looking forward to meeting my lovelies after soo long! (: (:
alright im gonna crash xoxo
out of my head
im damn motherfucking annoyed, hate to drive with my parents in the car they make the worse passengers making so many unnecessary comments throughout the whole journey ARGHHHHHH
lunch with baby earlier was short and sweet i suppose, apart from the fact that my sis and i had a fucking huge quarrel over me choosing to eat with him than go with her to buy mother's day present. whatever i cant be bothered with her, we'll see how long this cold war (whats new) lasts.
another day has passed and i didnt touch my notes at all i am fucking screwed.
bitch on the verge
so im stuck at home, missing the exclusive dinner. sorry guys, my mum's being a big B :( havent touched my notes since i woke up, at 2 plus pm. talked to cherri on the phone regarding the bkk trip, so many things to settle yet so little time. i fucking hate exams, im like sitting here wondering if im cut out for studying at all. i feel like doing something related to what im really interested in, like fashion per se. i dont know if im inspired by GG because i just finished the latest episode on tudou. " the most important parties to attend are the ones you're not invited to." aww LOVE B THE MAX! heart her look clothes and for being such a bitch all the time (: im desperate for retail therapy i need my manicure and i miss baby. at least he called just now to check on me or i'll get angry again haha okay i must learn to be less demanding :| i guess its dinnertime updates laterr (:
and the hearts all over the whole tonight (:
stats today was worse than expected, i didnt have time to complete the paper :( there goes the only distinction i had hope of getting FUCK :( well on a brighter note, i saw B! and we said hi to each other i still think he's really cute hahaha (:
was late in meeting baby sorry :| we ate shopped watched vegas did naughty things haha the only thing i wish to emphasize and remember is that during lunch he placed a piece of roast duck meat into my bowl and asked me to try but i said i only eat it boneless so he took it back removed the bone and put it back into my bowl again SO SWEET HAHAHAHA the trivial things that make me happy (:
okay im fucking tired gonna crash now goodnight world (:
knnbccb
fuck la the econs paper this morning like shit i just looked at the paper stunned it was more difficult than the prelims okay HOWEVER when everyone was dismissed i kept hearing people mumbling about how the paper was doable per se i just wanted to walk up to those bitches and slap them GRR omg i really might have to retake this unit FUCK okay im gonna study for stats now and make sure i get distinction BYE
