Breakfast!

Breakfast - the most important meal of the day.

How do you like yours?

I've tried pancakes, savory crepes, garlic bread, baguette, local delights but nothing beats having this: My favourite!

 

It’s time to say goodbye.

I actually took time to write this detail account on my Granny's funeral.

I jotted these down as I don't wish to forget. 

“Daddy is at Granny’s place.” Mum said.  “She hasn’t been feeling well.” She had fever and lots of phlegm in her.  She even scolded the doc when he wanted to administer an injection on her. 

Granny is 98 years old.

She has been living in darkness ever since she lost her eye sight to cataract.  However this has not stopped her from living.  She lived everyday in her house with a domestic helper to assist her movement in the house as well as take care of her meals.

When she was younger, she has a talent in sewing.  With her nimble fingers, she sewed many beautiful pillow covers for all of us.  She had 8 children (2 boys and 6 girls) and my dad is her eldest son.  She has many grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren.  She always chuckle when I told her about it.  She is very happy about her family tree.

My relationship with granny is not very close, I think it’s due to communication and generation gap.

I remembered on 1 occasion where I was staying over at my granny place, I ask to eat biscuits (bing gan).  But granny could not speak Chinese.  She can speak Hokkien or Cantonese.  At that young age, the dialect that I know how to use is not many.  In the end, my granny gave me a handkerchief (bin kun) instead.  This caused laughters from my parents when they learnt about it. 

I didn’t know how to communicate with her and there were no toys to play at her home, my visits to her became lesser and lesser. 

On the Thursday morning, 6^th Aunt called and said Granny has left us.  When my dad rushed over, dad called up and said it was false alarm.  No one actually talked about it later.

We visited her later in the day.  I still remembered I had stomach flu.  My body system felt weak and is reacting up and down.  When I reached Granny’s house, there were Ah Kim, 4^th Aunt, Mummy, Cousin Peggy.  Granny’s room was dark, the light bulb blew off.  Daddy went out to buy a bulb to replace it.  The light is situated in the middle of the ceiling, above Granny’s bed.  With the new light bulb, Daddy climb on the bed and stepped on a small wooden table to replace the light bulb.  The wooden table was wobbly as it’s placed on the mattress.  I used my iphone torch light function to shine at the ceiling area so as to provide visibility for my daddy to change the light bulb.  Ah Kim and helper held on to the wooden table.  6^th Aunt joined in with a small torch light.  And after daddy struggles with the light bulb wire, he finally changed it to a brighter bulb.  Then came 5^th Aunt who went home to take a light stand.  This is the first time I saw 5^th Aunt’s husband after many years when they were staying at Senette Lane.

With the light fixed, I went in to see Granny.  I saw her lying on her bed; she looked as though she had difficulty breathing.  Her dentures were loose and her eye pupils were grey and not focused.  Her fingers are short and some were croaked.  She was sleeping.  I didn’t know how to comfort her, by then we couldn’t communicate anymore.  I felt useless there when they wanted to adjust her sleeping position, I stood there not knowing what to do.

I heard the Aunts discussing whether to sent Granny to the hospital.  Or trying other medication to dissolve her phlegm.  6^th Aunt does not prefer Granny to go to the hospital as the last time she was there, she saw other old granny with a huge oxygen tank beside it.  She felt that it was suffering. 

On Friday, Granny could not eat any food.  That was when she was sent into the hospital and on the very night, not long after my mum and brother visited her, she passed away peacefully leaving her family hierarchy behind.

Funeral arrangements start and relatives and friends came to visit and help out.  My sister and I went over to help fold the paper money for Granny to “use” in the other world.  There were paper house, car, rickshaw, servants, cook, and chauffeur to serve her.

Mummy, Daddy and brother showed support by being there from noon to late night.  Sad to say but not many people are willing to stay overnight as it’s tiring.  The money box was mostly brought upstairs back into the house.  On the final night of the wake, there is a ritual and many came to pay their last respects to Granny.  The ritual started at 7.30pm, prayers were conducted and that night is when we need to burn the house and paper money for Granny.  It hurts when you need to tell her to receipt the house and money.  The ritual ended about 11pm.  My 2^nd sister, Mummy, brother and I went back home after the ritual and return back to the wake to help out.  It rained with loud thunder and lightning at about 3plus in the morning, wreaths fell as there were strong wind blowing and rain pouring into the void decks.  I saw the wine cups offered to Granny danced on the spot and landed without spilling over.  After Mummy “cleaned” Granny’s face, we left about 5.30am.

On the day when the cortege is leaving, most of us fall in at 10am.  The “ang mo lo ko” (military band) came as well as a musical band.  Previously, the military band and musical band service can come from the same team but it has since separated and will need to have 2 different teams.  The military band consists of a group of young and old musicians dressed in light turquoise pants and light pink shirt.  They were a black cowboy hat with yellow fluffy trimming around the outline of the hat, some holding about 12 inch “gong” and some beating the drum.  To get ready, we put on our socks and badge and sat around.  The moment the military band started playing, tears filled up my eyes. 

Because to me, it’s really a time to say good bye. 

The music was very loud, it reminds me of a saying: So loud that it would only wake the dead”.  But of course it’s not, I read an article about it, it’s to ward off any evil / wandering spirits as the cortege is leaving.

The catering cooked some porridge for breakfast, taste really yummy.  The ritual starts, we stand in accordance to rank from children to grandchildren to great grand children.  Walked a few times around Granny’s coffin with a joss stick and a stack of “jin zhi” throwing piece by piece.  Having so many children and grandchildren and great grandchildren, it was a crowded event.  I also saw my uncle (mummy’s brother) also have to go thru some ceremony as well as grandson in law (which is my Daddy’s sons in law).  At the final round before they close the coffin, each of us went to talk to Granny, paying our very last respects.  Mine to her was to “bo pi” her children will prosper with wealth. 

Soon, we turned our back and the undertakers closed the coffin.  Some friends from 4^th Aunt’s eldest son came to pay their respect.  They were the ones who helped to carry the coffin.  We bow our heads and the coffin was lifted up and carried out to the roadside.  After securing with poles and paper money, we started our last walk with Granny.  We walked pass the car park, coffee shop and all the way to the main road that it caused some traffic jam on the road.  Daddy said this is to show off the number of children, grandchildren and great grand children that Granny had.

At the main road, before the coffin was loaded into the van (1212), the paper money was thrown straight up into the air.  This snapshot is the most significant in my mind.  We board the bus and headed towards Mandai for cremation.  At the hall, we were seated and it’s the final ritual before proceeding to the cremation’s “viewing hall”.  At the viewing hall, when the coffin is being pushed to the cremation room, we can hear cries from the aunts.  Someone shouted “Ah Ma! Hou Kia” and I can hear Clarissa telling my sister “Mummy don’t cry”…  My hand shook as I held on to the stand: “Ah Ma, Ban Kia…”.

We took off our socks, take off our badge and boarded the bus to the temple where Granny will be resting.  At the temple, we went down car park and into a place where there are other deceased pictures placed there.  This is where Granny will place for the next 49 days.  The monk will offer prayers and meals to Granny.  Mummy and Daddy will need to make a trip down to the temple to pay respects to Granny on certain days during the 49 days period.

Back at the void deck, we washed our face with flower water and trim some of our hair.  Paid 6^th Aunt for the funeral arrangements like the fruits basket for the grandson-in law’s ceremony.  Thereafter, we went to Macdonald’s to have our late lunch and went home.

“Interesting” things that happened:

-          Light bulb fused off at Granny’s room.

-          Felt the negative energy in Granny’s room that I didn’t dare to stay in the room; probably I was not feeling well already.

-          Before the arrival of my Mummy and Brother, Granny’s heartbeat reached “0” but revive again.

-          After arrival and reporting to Granny, Granny sort of acknowledged it with a sound.

-          At the wake, when someone mentioned that he is leaving, it began to rain.  When the rain stopped and someone mentioned that he is leaving again, it began to rain – again.

-          Daddy’s taxi spoilt – again.

-          Saw the wine cups dancing on the offering table and didn’t overturn despite the strong wind.

-          Stomache after I return from the wake.

Just some little thoughts from me:

What is life?  I think it’s going thru the process of birth, happiness, love and then walking towards sadness, death, separation. 

Old age is scary.  Particularly when you can no longer see, hear or walk properly.  So maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important so that we can remain agile at old age and wouldn’t need to leave in fear or let others worry so much for you.

What is the last chapter of my life like?  I dare not think about it.  But I probably would be as blind, deaf and too weak to walk.  Thinking about my parents and grandparents maybe?   In order not to have any regrets, we better start doing what we have always wanted to do, and not wait till we are not able to do it anymore.  Right dear?

I once read a quote something like: “Our success must be faster than the speed of our aging parents.”  To me, being successful means I can have more time to bring my parents to many countries, treat them when they are ill, and pamper them when they are bored.  And these have to take place before our parents aged.

What kind of funeral do I prefer?  I don’t know if anyone has thought about theirs.  But I haven’t thought about it.  Let’s think about how to be successful first. 

Cherish your loved ones and stay healthy everyone!