I just want to say...

I just want to take some time to tell you this...

I am sorry that:

I couldn't give you a home to live in since birth.. we have to shuttle between mine and your dad's;

I couldn't let you attend baby / toddler's class to explore and learn as your brain develops faster than I can catch up;

I couldn't spend time playing with you while you grow after you come out from mummy's tummy..;

I couldn't guide you or be there for you when you had a fall or a knock...;

I couldn't take / jot down everything about you... but I tried to take as many pictures as I could..;

I get tired easily after a day's work and couldn't track your growth like other mummies could..;

But, I wan to tell you that I love you... and so do your daddy..

Hugzz.. Good night my dear Brayden...

Is it that difficult?

I wonder how some mothers cope without help.. as in getting help from others to look after their children, so that they - themselves can get some "me" time...

I begin to envy those who have time for themselves, have couple time with their hubby, as well as have time for their friends...

I even begin to suspect if there is anything wrong with my personality or whatsoever that is a hinderance? Or is it more than that?...

We asked for a helping hand, but got rejected.. it does not feel good.. Making my hubby really upset.. And when he don't feel good, I don't feel better either!

Daily Routine

It's been a few days after returning to work. My mum and dad is helping me out by looking after brayden. Every morning, I make it a point to bathe Brayden before I go to work and give him a massage. :)

Love you!

A new hair cut

I went out in the morning @ 8am to the following market looking for the "chicken memory":

- Blk 18

- Blk 216

- Blk 85

- Blk 56

- Round Market

- Near TP

- Called about Hougang Mall market

- Bedok Reservior Market

But the search is invain. All stall owners don't have it. Sigh~~

Back at home at 11am, then I finally settled to eat my breakfast and get ready to go out with Brayden for his first shave. Heehee..

After 4 months of Maternity Leave

Finally my maternity is ending.. returning to work tomorrow.. Not sure if I can continue in the workforce... haha..


Throughout these 4 months.. I must say it's not easy looking after a newborn.. And I am thankful to my mummy who had looked after me! :)


Maybe all newborns are like that.. at the beginning they can't sleep at night, coz they had ample of sleep in the noon.. I remembered carrying and coaxing him to sleep in the wee hours while telling my hubby to go sleep.. We seeked help one night so that we can have a good sleep, but it was agreed but was not realised.. Anger arised, coz I definately think that we are not asking for too much.. that led to further unhappiness within the family.


Well, with a newborn in the house, the house becomes noiser, day longer, nights shorter, bankroll smaller, clothes shabbier, meals faster, past forgotten, and working to look forward in the future... and not everyone can accomodate to that... I myself almost couldn't too.. but putting that aside.. it's all about the overwhelming happiness that brayden brought into our lives.. right?


Brayden, I must say it is not easy to look after you during the past few months (of course you've improved and will continue to do so..) Looking after you is mummy and daddy's responsibility.. and love showered by Sembawan Ah-Yee, Pasir Ris Ah-Yee, Dua-Gu and Dua-Kim and not forgetting your cousins.. :)


At the beginning, mummy felt helpless and the being sleep deprive, Mummy went to Popo's house for "help".. as in someone to help to look after you while mummy can go catch up with her sleep... thankful to PoPo and Sembawang Ah-yee..


Another important person is .. Your Daddy.. who helped to carry and talk to you at night, so that mummy can rest after a day's "work".. heehee..


Things got worst when you refuse your milk. Brought you to the doc several times and finally found out that you've got Acid Reflux. Meaning Gut "door" connecting the esophagus and stomach is not mature yet, hence milk then to get reflux out.. causing you to refuse milk.. You were then on medication. Then one day, PoPo say you should not take anymore medication, so we stopped, we also didn't want you to take medication at such young age..


Then mummy thought, this cannot continue.. I must find a way to get to know you.. counter your actions.. hence, mummy stayed at home and looked after you.. feeding you small and frequent feeds to ensure that you are fed well, despite the reflux.. ensuring that you are tilted 45degree (by carrying or place you on a tilted pillow), so that the milk will go down.. gradually you got better.. just sometimes have stomache... these don't come easy and Mummy felt proud.. at least I didn't give up like others..


Mummy also learnt that not all times you'll finish your feed, thought I really hope that you can, so that you won't go hungry.. whenever you didn't finish your feed, I always hope that you can finish your next.. :) keeping that positive attitude... :)


Apart from the unhappiness encounters, there are happy ones too.. Our first hug.. Your first smile, first chuckle, first grip, first haircut, first massage with me, first nail trimming session with me, first bathe session with me... and many more.. I have fallen in love with you Brayden!

Confined~

Yep, it's the confinement period now. And I am glad that it's soon to be over. Though I have not started planning on what to do during my maternity.. but it's sure not going to be easy as I'll have to sling Brayden with me!

Of coz, babies shouldn't go out too often due to their immune system building up, so I'll also have to plan to get my things done and not affecting him too much.

Planning Planning Planning!

Oh, did I mentioned that confinement period is also taking up alot of time! I thought I could rest. But, lotsa responsibility came in, so not fully rested during this recovery month. However, I still must thank those esp my sister, mum and mother-in-law for taking care of me in this period.

Compromise

Can you feel secure when you are not assured and constantly reminded that the other party has no experience on certain things?

Can you feel happy when some people kept comparing yours with others?

Can you accept so many opinions from others and think that their way works for you?

Can you continue to compromise reasonably?

Jaundice

Our first separation, due to Jaundice.. I remembered how I reacted when we had to admit him in.

How tears fell uncontrollably down my cheeks.. and Daniel handing me a piece of tissue - just to help him wipe his away.

And that night, I asked Daniel: "will Brayden miss us?"

Coping with new arrival on Preparations

Hubby was very nice to have taken a week long leave just to accompany me and Brayden.
Suffered backache when we had to attend to Brayden's cries at night. But is thankful to my sister that she is able to help me bathe Brayden during the confinement period.

Previously, we wanted to hire a confinement nanny, however, as Daniel's parents didn't like the idea of having an outsider in the house.. they suggested to take care of me and baby during this period.

We made known that we didn't want to tire them out, that's why we wanted to hire a nanny.. They replied that they are ok to look after, just that not sure if I will like the dishes that they cook. We told them that confinement catering will be ordered, no cooking required, but we need someone to look after baby and we are concern if my MIL is unable to handle the late night. However, her reply seems that our worries are unfounded.

Hence, we decided to accept their idea and let them help us.

Arrangements were made for the catering, red dates tea, ingredients for herbal soup, shopping with Diana on the necessities.. for the month of confinement (the month for me to nourish myself and rest) :)

The Arrival of Baby Brayden

This morning is very special to us... :)

This is our first meet up... ^_^

This is the arrival... of Baby Brayden...

Here's how:

Leakage was felt early on the saturday morning... I felt that something was amiss!!! Woked hubby up quickly and told him my preliminary guess ~ water bag burst!

Off I went to the bathroom, nervous and wondering what should I do? Finally, (after staring at the blank) in a flash, I finished bathing and was shivering.


Hubby saw me and was in shocked! Off he ran back to our bedroom and on his way, he slipped and fell on the floor.. *ouch* He quickly got up and off the air conditioner in our room. All because I was shivering... Poor dear..

Next, I called our gynae to decide what to do now? He suggested to go admit to TMC.. after the call, we realised that we had not packed the hospital bag! Can you imagine how we ransack the room for all the necessity?? Ha!~

"Gan Cheong" daddy-to-be is so so so ~ nervous and excited in whatever he is doing (packing, checking on me, and driving).. that I had to keep assuring him that I am feeling just fine.. :) though I am also nervous.. thinking what am I suppose to do later? What are contractions like? Contractions coming? How long?

Finally, we checked into the delivery suite #8, changed the gown and rested on the bed.

The next that I am going to go thru is a life time experience!

Checks done by doc, epidural performed and next pending for delivery... all over in 6 hours and with a pleasant surprise warmly placed on my chest.. my baby boy :)

I was reading a wide variety of magazines related to pregnancy and I liked this phrase that I came across:
Close your eyes and try to sense your baby. These minature movements in your belly help you get better acquainted with someone you've already fall in love with. Did I mentioned that I am already missing this feel?

Oh, and guess where were we on the day before birth? Changi Airport, eating BK: Tendercrisps - Yummy!~

Me and my BIG mouth

went gathering at my friend's house and played mahjong during CNY.

Was sharing some unspeakable gossips ... when questioned about an incident that was quite some time back last year.. I think I accidentally "made up" one..

How to explain? It's not on purpose, I would say.

In fact after saying, I begin to doubt the credibility of it. WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING??
(how can I anyhow give comments when I cannot even remember?)

Creating chaos between 2 innocent people!

I felt really bad as this is totally unintentional !!! I want to explain but I think if I do, it's gonna make things worst!!! I do not want to end up losing a friend.. I really don't!!!

Me and my BIG Mouth! I am sorry...

Grey

I got sad whenever the sky turns grey, as it would mean it's going to rain and spoil the day out at the beach.. But I get to enjoy the cool breeze it brings along together.. snuggling up with daniel..

I got sad whenever I see an additional grey hair on daniel, as it would mean he is growing older everyday.. But I get to enjoy growing old with him..

I Love You Dear..

Can't Wait?

Feeling kind of listless lately...

Can't sleep at night when hubby is already in dreamland... my whole time clock seems upside down...
Can't stop thinking about packing nursery bag when labour sets in...
Can't stop thinking about how my own labour will be like?
Can't stop thinking about what am I going to do during maternity..
Can't stop thinking about when to set up baby cot and necessities in our room...
Can't stop enjoying the moment whenever our baby kicks..

Can't stop thinking about work specially when they are quite critical and have many things to look into... just too much...
Can't wait to stop working, so that I'll have time to think about MY things... Ha~

Happy Lunar New Year ! Roar~

How was your new year celebration? Eat, gamble, eat, gamble and eat and gamble? Ha~ Well, it's the best time of the year to do so right? Particulary so for those who had been on diet before this joyous occassion.

Have you been to Resort World Sentosa? Ah.. this should be a hot topic during this seasons - to those big time spenders at Casino!

Baby Kang has been busy kicking gently on me as well.. which sometimes makes me feel that it's a peach!.. Time to place bets my friends, the truth will be unfold soon!

Nevertheless, HUAT ah!

Third Trimester

Into the final trimester of my pregnancy.. Mix feelings.. I've read books borrowed from library on the birth and all.. Positive mindset is all you need to keep it going.. :)

However, that's all in the book. My birth partner.. hubby must also be supportive as well.. Reminding me of the positive thinking.. that each coming day is a step nearer to meet our baby..

Also, some experience during 3rd trimester is that I've been feeling tired easily, slight giddy and puffy feet... >.<

Recently, I've fallen in love with Earl grey tea.. it's aroma makes me feel relax and happy.. If you have a chance, try different brand of it and explore the taste.. the recent one I've tried is the organic type in our neighbour country.. sniff.. nice...

Back to baby plans.. many thanks to our brothers and sisters, they passed many hand-me-down baby items to us.. helping us to save alot.. from baby cot to stroller to car-seat.. We just want to say: THANK YOU!

Packing of our room for the new year is also part of the agenda every week. Making space for the baby cot, changing table and all. Hubby's family is also very nice to help packing their store, for more storage space for all baby items and also to make space for us to place our items in and baby items out upon arrival.. :)

Oh, and we also bought a nice yellow set of clothes for our baby.. it's baby pooh collection with baby tigger print on it..

Going shopping with hubby's sister to shop for more baby items in preparation sometime next week...