W A N Y A N

I am glad i am born with proper limbs and proper health conditions. I can't be more thankful to my mom who groom me into who I am today. I should really be thankful just for the fact that i am in no pain just from breathing the fresh air or eating food.

PSLE results were released last week and there were many inspirational news about children who are way younger than i am, fought diseases to achieve good grades despite their illnesses.
I guess it is really a painful ordeal for them and to be forced to go through such torture at such a young age is really sad.

I aim to help more people in this world as much as i can.
Courage.
I need that.
The first step will be to donate blood.

Just saw a facebook post by one of friend. Apparently she left her laptop charger in school and the solution to her problem was to ask her father to send her back there at night to collect it. I guess different people really have different life.
If such a situation ever arise to me, my mom would just scold me for being so forgetful and careless with my belongings and my dad would just sit there quietly reading his newspaper. Im not saying i didnt receive enough love from the both of them, but just tt sometimes the extent they are willing to go just for their children compared to others are really not as significant. N maybe that's the reason why i am stronger and more independent than those strawberry friends of mine out there. *screaming of sarcasm

Went to watch Thor in town yesterday with silly boy. It was a really impromptu decision and maybe tt's why it was so much fun. An adventure i was seeking for.
Thor was not bad. I like the fact that they added humour into the show, making it less serious and more marvel like. I totally love marvel/superheros! I hope there really is a superhero out there protecting the world and indirectly protect the tiny me from all troubles. Hehe. There was this line in the movie that caught my attention. Thor wanted to bring the girl to another realm to hide or rather lure the black elf there to avoid asgard, thor's home realm from being destroyed as a result. The girl holds the weapon that belongs to the black elf. The king, thor's father has a different thinking. He feels that they should keep the girl in asgard in case the black elf manage to get the weapon and darkness will fall in all the realms. Reason being asgard is definitely strong and resilient enough to win them. N that's when thor said, "Then father, you are no different from them"
Yes, indeed sometimes it just depends on which side you belong to. There is not such thing as devil and angel. In a way, we are an angel to someone and at the same time, a devil to another.

Andrew made a name for himself for inventing the IMPad. He took a gap year to continue his research in making sanitary pads, using water hyacinths for the people living in India. He even got himself a $10,000 funds for his research from Singapore. However, people are making nasty comments about his good intention. Some said India people are rich since they manage to send a probe into space, hence they do not need a low cost sanitary pads. Some said he is a Malaysian hence do not deserve the funding from Singapore.
Although i do agree to some extent what they say, I just feel like saying his intentions are good. So he deserved to be recognised for it..

I guess it is really difficult to discriminate what and who is right or wrong...

Feel super lethargic today. Yawn yawn. I even took a sinful afternoon nap that lasted for 1.5 hours after doing the housework and dating w my lee min ho. N the irony was that i could force myself to wake up at 8 in the morning to date lee min ho but once everything was done, i feel super tired.

This week's lee min ho wasnt very nice. The girl starts to get a bit mean to him just so that she can have a peaceful high school years. Oh well. I cannot blame her. I too wish to have a peaceful and non adventurous school life. But not anymore.

I am starting to dread this monotonous school life. With GPA being the main emphasis and volunteering and friends being the entertainment factor.
Im not really so concern about my GPA now that i am already in Year 4 and my class has somewhat been determine, but i guess it is very very important to the people around me now thus making me feel the need to study even though i do not have much wish to do so. Haiz. Lazy bum bum.

Most of the projects, presentations and quizzes are mostly over. Just left with one more--Difficult difficult mode, wireless system. It is something i really have much interest in as it is so closely related to the gadget we all cannot live without, mobile phones. The whole concept is really fascinating, especially finally understanding how this mechanism works in the space.

Loving my hayday now. It is my only source of entertainment while studying at home alone. Seemed like during every exams, i would have a mobile game im super addicted to. The first being bakery story then tiny farm and now hayday, after the influence from my sis.

Oh. Talking about my sis-es. Everyone is finally attached. With their future husband or my future brother-in-law. Sniggles.. My parents will be so proud of us:] My father even want to take a grad photo of the whole family, including all the future husbands of my sisters. This seemed like a sign of ageing for my father. Guess he really starts missing the family.

Mom is coming back next Friday. Can't wait. With me being so jaded with this monotonous life, i need more personal space to do my own things and not keep getting tied down by all the housework and dinner problems. sigh. But i hope i can still have this table downstairs to do my revision. Mom tends to talk loudly on the phone when my auntie calls.

Oh well. Jia you ba everyone!! See you after exams. Or maybe even earlier than that. Considering that i always have endless things to whine about. Haha.

Had a really good rest after 3 weeks of chionging for 3 consecutive tests. lol.
Feel so well rested till i dun feel like doing anything besides lying on this piece of floor that has been my most loyal companion these weeks.

Tests were okok. Think i overstudied a bit >.< Not tt i feel extra confident about the tests but more of like "even if i only spend 4 days preparing for it, I will still get the same marks. Or rather around the same marks" Oh well. At least it is over.
Time to prepare for my FYP, job resume and presentation.
Yes. All these are worse than having 3 consecutive tests.

Picked up another tuition assignment. This week will be our first lesson. Not as nervous as the first time i got Cadence. But still worried cos the mother seemed kind of troublesome. Shall just try my best and at e same time, earn more $$!
Realise at this age, I do not have much savings compared to my sisters. Wonder where all my money go to. hmmm...

Rewatch my favourite korean drama of all time--ALL ABOUT EVE! It's a super old drama but i still love it regardless of how many times i rewatch it.
I love zhang dong jian! I totally love his character in that show.
He is like a guardian angel for the female lead. Always appearing at the very moment where she needs him. Not expecting any in return but just silently protecting her. Patiently waiting for the moment when she will finally walk into his arms.

My favourite scene is the part where the female lead fall sick but zhang dong jian doesnt know. He still treat her badly and resulted her to faint while having air show. After he realised, he u-turn the car back to find her. Scoop her up in his arm when he found her resting on the sofa and brought her to the hospital. Totally love it. My favourite scene. 
I guess to me, the most romantic moment is when a guy take care of the gal at her weakest moment. The worry, the thought, the helplessness because of your unwell love ones totally make u realise how important you are to the other person. But of course, we should not take the people around us for granted till the moment they are fatally ill. Then, i guess, it will be too late.

The path ahead of me seemed so unsure these few days.
In the past, the direction is always so clear.
I need to do well for my exam and get good grades. I need to study harder this time round compared to my previous semester.
However, maybe because i reached my final year in University, i start to have doubts about my future.

How can some people live with so little worries? Why cant i be like them?
I think being happy-go-lucky is really fortunate. Sometimes being a little more oblivious to your surrounding is better than being sensitive to all the details and troubles. Sometimes do before thinking about the consequence is better than thinking and not trying it in the end.
I have a tendency to to all the negative traits.

Today, Wensheng asked me to signed up for this career talk by this prestigious company, or so he say. I got scared immediately just by looking at the email.
Why am i so useless!
Maybe the mental preparation to enter the working world is still not there. Maybe i just feel that competing with all the others first class student is like 不知量力. I dunno.

I havent even finished my school and here i am worrying about something not very practical at the moment. Haiz. Big disappointment in myself.

Just suddenly feel the impulse to blog. Not that im feeling exceptionally emotional all anything. Which is kind of weird and rare. Cos i dun usually feel this way.

Came back from my Vietnam trip but the photos are still not up yet. This explains why i have not blogged about it so far. Wensheng said it was more thrilling than the Taiwan trip we had last year. But i thought otherwise. Overall, i just dislike the weather. The weather really dampened my mood when i was touring the country. N on top of that, I really dislike what happened to Kenneth nearing the end of the trip. He became detached from us and started showing a bit of attitude.
I shall not bad mouth about my fren in this public space. But just want to clarify that he is still a nice friend to me:]

Took awhile to get used to school especially after the 1 semester of no school because of internship and because of the Vietnam trip directly before school starts.
I dropped DV, my art module eventually cos i did not enjoy the lesson at all. I feel inferior inside the class and Siew Hoon was not around to make the lesson more bearable. I see no reason to continue torturing myself further hence dropped it although it is so highly demanded by everyone.
To me, NO LOST AT ALL. hehe.

FYP is stressing me but i continue to procrastinate >.< Tell me how?!?!?
I have to admit that partially the reason is because i dun really enjoy the topic i am doing. It is about analyzing en bloc situation at UE Square. Calculation/investment is totally not my cup of tea. I took it up then was because i want to avoid the trouble of approaching another professor to be my FYP prof. I guess i am like my father too..

Cadence, my tutee is causing me problem too. I can control her better now but she is still not treating my lesson seriously. Generation Z/Strawberry generation is really getting too smart for their own good. They are getting too privileged to see the unprivileged. Therefore, i refuse to donate money to those people on the streets now. They dun even know why they are doing charity! Anyway, my tutee had mocked test in school recently. I seriously doubt she will do well. I suspect my days with her are getting short. Which means my source of income is also disappearing. Oh well. I just hope i can get a better tutee next time. One that will listen to me and treasure my time with him/her.

Just went for session just now. Some people still get on my nerve like usual. But i get to talk to a lot of people today. I get to see the progression of how RSPID had moved. Quite interesting to see batches i had not seen before. Reflection from today:
- I am not a confident speaker and never will be. Regardless of how many times i tell myself before i speak up, to be calm and confident, i can never do it. Therefore, i always admire those people who can speak so well in front of people. Regardless of whether they are just "all-talk-only", but i still think it is a good trait that not everyone can have.
- I agree that session should be more trainee-centric. Although wensheng said we need to care about the volunteers' welfare too, but i think trainees are actually a good source to bond people together. What Sheena and Vina talk about every time we meet usually revolve around our own trainee.
- Only Chen Sze recognised me as her teacher, but not Joanne. lol. Not that i mind. I am usually the silent teacher for Joanne.
- I love my silly boy a lot. Seeing all the couples gathered today, i realised that it is really a very fortunate thing that i have my silly boy with me today too. Someone to disturb. Someone whom i know so dearly. Someone whom i can call mine. Someone whom i can call as n when i liked. I hope silly boy feels the same too. Especially when we have been together for 2 year + 9 months:]

Jia u silly gal! Path seemed tough ahead. But have a little bit more faith in yourself and i am sure you can craft a peace of sky for yourself:] 

Going to take up 2 part time jobs before school reopening.
Im just dreading one of them.
This is because that particular job assignment is in the CBD area and because it is recommended by an agency, there's lots of criteria to it which is making me annoyed. Rahhh.... timesheet all over again. Why cant the payment be more direct?

Everyone is flying overseas now for their special sem. Im still stuck in Singapore doing part time job. Start to wonder whether i should have just accepted Winston's offer to just stay at PB. lol. But i should not regret the decision i had made then. It is not going to make any difference now.

Vietnam trip is sucking a lot of my money. I am feeling damn heart pain about it. Originally i tot i can save a lot of money by going to a southeast asia country. Near and cheap. But in the end, because we do not speak their language, we need to get conned to get all the packages. Rahhh....
The train ticket cost $100plus plus!! Seriously!!!
Hence even though i want/wish to reject the CBD job, i cannot. saded ya.

On a lighter note, all my family members are back! My two sisters, my father:]] Everyone.
The house feels so crowded now. hehe. My relationship with my father is better now. I dun feel so angst talking to him. My sister bought back a lot of Japan food, making me feel so love:] With my father back, my mom dun feel so lonely at night anymore. She happily cooked nice food for all of us everyday. Haha.

Optimism is the key to a healthy lifestyle. Hehe. #optimisticthinking

Teaching a p4 gal English and Maths now. A new challenge i took up recently.
Due to my rusty primary school knowledge, especially english, i was super stress by the notion that i needed to teach a student.
I was stress by how i had to handle a young gal. I was stress by whether the parent would have high expectation from me. But fortunate, all this worries to naught. Thankfully!!

The little gal is relatively adorable. Although her parents shower her with loads of material goods, she is unaware of the privilege. Her love for animals, especially dogs, covers all other material privileges that she has. I think it is because of these innocent love for another living things that made this gal less bratty than it would have appeared.

Having been teaching her for 1 week already. I hope she continues her enthusiasm for my lesson. N hopefully by the end of the year, she will produce improved grades that is definitely a sign that my hard work and hers, have definitely paid off.

Hopefully i can take up 1 more student. Hopefully someone out there will let me teach him/her math!! haha. If not, i would have more sleepless night to come.

My dream to BTO still seem very far but the motivation to work towards it makes me feel like im really living for my future. Together with silly boy, I hope to create a family. A family i can call my home and my entire world.

I need to earn more and spend less.. go go go!!

My internship finally ended!! Feel so happy to switch off the alarm clock set in my handphone. haha!
Everyone is very friendly to me today. I guess i do make an impact to the people in my division. It feels great to be FINALLY appreciated by them. N y cant they appreciate me earlier. I would have an easier time doing my internship. sigh.

Got loads of treat by different people for the last two weeks.
Many thanks to the fresh grads who invited me for lunch since day 1.
Thank you yanlin for being a good friend in the company.
Thank you the secretaries, Mei n Joyce for helping with the timesheet and for the treat.
Special thanks to Steven, Nai qi and Irwin for talking to me in the office, making life more enjoyable and young. haha!
Thank you Mary for making me tougher.
Thank you Winston for helping with the school admin staff.
N finally Thomas who is being always irritating.
I hope that everyone will continue to grow in one way or another.
I hope our path will meet and not meet for some ppl in the future. lol.

I guess im starting a new phase of life now. Work really groom a person to become stronger and sharper. This 6 months have really been a life changing experience. I feel like a totally new person now. A stronger yet more jaded person. Some may find this change in me refreshing but i know for sure some will find this change in me terrible.

Still trying to earn $$ even after internship ended. I guess those days before i start University is back. The mentality that $$=independence. I savour the power that money can bring me.
i hope that silly boy will become more serious too. I hope that one day he will be the one trying to work harder for the his close one, just like wat im doing now. Working harder for the family i will be having next time:]

I hope the path ahead of me will become smoother now that i have become stronger.
Hope those of my friends out there going through similar phase like me all the best too:]

ps. i did not take picture with any of my collegues. Though i manage to go around talking to most of them:] Guess im really not a photo person:]

Did i tell you, initially i have 2 mentors. A gal, mary and a guy, thomas. Thomas was supposedly my mentor. But he abandon me. N i hate him for it.

He lose a faithful follower by not signing my timesheet that day. Im no longer going to be like his puppy, holding on to hope that one day he will finally treat me like his disciple. Im not going to continue to try to please him and be hopeful that he will acknowledge me one day.

And because he abandon me, I feel more relax in the office these days. Working w my female mentor is more stressful but at least i have a goal and instructions to follow every day. I feel tt im not wasting my time n life is full of excitement in the office. I dun feel so scared with her. I feel more open to make comments. I feel that she speaks my language n humour.

Life is so exciting this entire week. I get to do a lot of things tt i have never done before when i was under thomas. She brought me into a internal meeting to see how ppl present n how the boss unceremoniously make comments. She made doing OT for another guy more bearable and fun. She made me be almost in charge of the administration work for a new project and i totally enjoy this new responsibility. I hope this kind of feeling can last till the last week.

Thank you Thomas for letting me down. Thank you for being so mean n evil though i always give you credit for the little things you did for me. But apparently you do not appreciate it. Its ok.
Im going to abandon you.

FYP project is also not going so smoothly. I did not manage to get an ADM FYP. But i shall remain optimistic. You never know. EEE FYP might be equally fun too!!:]]]
Thank you silly boy for helping me draft all the emails. Thank you for giving me courage to pick up the ADM fyp when i tot of giving up. Though i did not get any in the end (n i know you were more eager to get one for me than myself. lol), still want to thank you for it:]

I LOVE YOU DEAR!!! TOU TOUS SEND LOVE!!! :]]]