When tears are shed, I know you will always be there.
(well maybe not now cause i'm at home typing this)
Been awhile since I blog. & I have so many emotions to pour.Everything brings back to memories that have always never left.
Emotions that was always there, but I choose to ignore it.
I could just say, it's amazing how we get to talk together again.
Although awkward at the start, but I do miss you all this while, even while with him.
I was stupid to have left you years back then. I regretted those decisions and have always do.
Sometimes i just came to wonder, Denise, how much longer can you fake all this smile that you have been faking all the while. Trying to be strong on the outside, but inside you are slowly crushing into pieces.
Close friends kept asking, will we ever get back together again?
I wasn't sure. I was afraid as well. Will things remain the same as how we used to be or would things be a little awkward and change?
What if we get back together, what will your family think of me? Will they be able to accept me once again.
What if I can't break through my own barrier, to not be so afraid and just cling on to you once more and forever?
But what move me the most was, you never give up on me. You waited..
I cried cause I felt bad, despite me leaving you in tears, you still waited for me, things that i thought would never happen ever again.
Thought that we would never speak again. Till I realized, you do read my blog and twitter page.
To know how I am doing. Am I dong fine. But just that you never knew, i keep checking your fb page daily too, hoping that you are well. That you are doing fine without me after our breakup.
When I saw how you kept going drinking at your lowest point of time, when I left you, it hurts me, the truth was, I never wanted to leave you at all. I kept thinking to myself did I made the wrong choice? Why did I even leave you?
You never once left my mind and never did. I'm afraid, i'm afraid that I would hurt you once more. I'm afraid that i'm still not mature enough or even ready for a relationship again.
I tried to resist you cause I was afraid, I don't wish to hurt you ever again.
My intentions of being single till I graduate was to ensure that my path would never go wrong again, and that nothing would affect me during this crucial period of my education.
But you gave me whatever support I need, assisting me in my studies.
My resistance wall start to thin slowly. I let you in, but still, this afraid that is still there, I don't know how to stop it. Maybe, I will let time seal it slowly. But still no matter what.
Thank you my boy, for never leaving me at all throughout the years. You made me feel really loved. For believing that we will be back together again, for keeping all the memories that we once shared and showing it to me once again. Those memories were really valuable and I would never want to lose you ever again. Never ever. I want to be by your side no matter what.
You made me shed tears of happiness.
But the barrier that I can't break through. That afraid feeling that I will try to get over.
I hope for it to be gone as fast as possible. I really really missed you, how you used to hug me to bed and stuff that we do together, including sun tanning and how you taught me to swim. How you guide me in my studies. But still, I hope to be able to share any problems that you are going through together with you and not bottling it up all to yourself. Place your sorrows or burden on me, I will be more than glad to support you.
Thank you sotong. <3
Labels: rekindle of love
You're all I ever wanted ;
Been awhile since I blog. & I have so many emotions to pour.
