Its just pure unadulterated joy when you receive a package. Perhaps part of it is derived from the anticipation - will it come, or won't it? when will it come? Or perhaps it is more to do with the element of surprise, just as you think you don't have a parcel after all, but still check the noticeboard anyways, there! You see your name! Imagine the surprise and delight. Imagine the glee as you discover it is, indeed, for you.
I just looooooove receiving parcels.
Thank you Christina :D

Now that everything's done and I've time to blog, I feel its convenient to remember that I went on a road trip on Saturday. Yup rented a car with 4 other friends, and went driving to several places.
Well we'd planned to drive to Bath only initially, 'cause of its Christmas Market, but decided it'd be too much of a waste renting a car for 55 pounds (for the weekend) so yeah. Planned to go to several other cities at the same time.
So yep covered Strafford(-on-Avon), Cardiff, Bath and Bristol (in that order). Cardiff and Bristol we just drove around, parked the car in some illegal spot and popped down for a while - Cardiff 'cause we were stuck in a jam going there and were rushing to Bath; Bristol 'cause it was dark and it looked real boring.
But yeah. The cities/towns were cool!
And I drove for part of the way back! Manual car leh. Max speed 110 miles per hour. Haha yeah you go calculate. But for the most part kept to the speed limit of 70 miles lah.
Quite fun actually, considering the fact I've never driven a manual after the test.

Watched Miss Saigon today!
The guy playing the Engineer was damn good.
Oh I've discovered the ultimate combination : Dark chocolate with cherries.
Both ingredients are readily available from your local supermarket - like I bought mine from Tesco's - and you can eat in as crude or sophisticated a way you want¹, but the effect works just the same. Its a great depression-buster, and as long as you are secure in the fact that you need to consume 3500 calories to gain a pound (0.45kg), and that 100g² of (tesco's) dark chocolate contains only 490 calories, you need not feel guilty at all about it.
I believe the brands of chocolate you get in Singapore taste better too. But oh make sure it contains more than 70% cocoa. The contrast will be all the more sharper, and the enjoyment you glean from eating such a sinfully sweet delight will be all the more intense.
Yummy.
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¹I choose to eat in a crude, but time-saving way - popping a chunk of dark chocolate into my mouth, then a cherry. Taking care not to chew on the pit of course.
²Typically equivalent to 8 chunks, each chunk containing 4 'squares'.

You know after all this trouble I went to, the tutor wasn't at the lesson today.
Fucking hell.

Was reading up today for tuesday's case when I realised why NUS (and elsewhere) only offers top students (academically and otherwise) for medicine¹. You really have to study so much for med. I know this may sound very bhb, as a med student, but I think many med students articulate this idea thru physical manifestations like developing white hair, suffering from stress and depression, and becoming caffeine addicts.
Seriously. Its like, after reading up so much and taking stock of what I've covered in the weeks before, I've realised that I really am lagging behind. In terms of each topic - be it bone ossification, embryological development, immunology, or ageing, as I'm reading up now - the amount of stuff to be covered is just daunting.
No I'm not getting disheartened by the mountains of knowledge that are in the library I have yet to discover, its more like, wow. I really have been slacking for far too long. The isolated nights spent in the library studying - I'm actually proud of them, when others probably regard nightly visits to the library (or spent studying at home) as 'normal', and would be aghast at the amount of time I waste chatting online and doing assorted time-consuming stuff that have no benefit to my studies, or otherwise.

I now postulate several reasons why doctors are perceived as aloof and distant -
1. They are aloof. 'Cause with the enormous amount of information you know, as well as the knowledge that you can actually save or treat a person, some people may be so secure in their status that they become too self-confident. Feel that some people really waste their own lives by destroying themselves with alcohol and drugs. Or give up on themselves (when they're sick) with no apparent reason.
2. They lose the 'human touch', the social interaction that everyone needs outside his or her occupation. Basically they lose empathy in the eyes of their patients.
I believe this perception of doctors is changing - rather, most doctor and educators are actively trying to change this perception. I don't know about other schools, but here they seem to stress a lot about empathising with the patient and communication skills. How to make people feel they are being listened to. How to treat illnesses psychologically as well as medically.

Hmm veered off topic there. But yeah. Did I tell you I had an interview with my tutor on Friday? He told me I was too quiet, not actively participating in class discussions. Wanted me to speak up more, especially in the next session, or he'd give me a mark for PBL that's in the last 10% of the cohort.
I realise he doesn't see why I haven't been speaking up, and shall have to show him some 'power' on tuesday. But I guess he was correct when he said I have to re-examine the reasons (for myself) why I haven't spoken up often (though I must stress, I have when the need arises). I'm too nice - I put too much emphasis on group harmony and don't like discord. And of course, more importantly, I haven't read up enough.
I realise there are members in the group who always seem to cover what I've covered - and much more.
And no they're not no-life creatures who spout medical phrases (and only medical facts) and spend their eternal life in libraries huddled in the most obscure corners - a particularly brilliant one is a sportswoman who's in the school hockey team and medic's football team, I think, as well.
I realise I've just got to organise my time more efficiently.
Holidays are coming up - I really need to think of timetables as schedules that help me, and not weird contraptions mad scientists with frizzly hair use such that they do not forget to brush their teeth at regular intervals.

_______________________________________________________________
¹And its not just medicine. I believe it applies just as well to pretty much any other subject which requires intense memory work. Like law, chemical engineering, and biomedical sciences. The list isn't exhaustive.

After months and months of searching, I've finally found a pair of shoes that I like!!! YAY!!!! :D

My father once expounded this fact of marriage to me: You just have to keep on falling in love with your partner - again and again - for your marriage to work.
Today, I found out that it applies just as well to the subject I've chosen to study.
Last night (this morning, rather), a friend suddenly complained of chest pain just after we played a computer game. I was damn worried¹ and rushed to his room, you know, just in case I had to do something drastic, ie, CPR.
Thankfully nothing happened, and he seemed alright after that, but it really reminded me of how important what I had learnt was.
You know, somehow, subconsciously, I've spent the night here at the library studying with renewed vigour, when I had lost quite some motivation to study the past week. Its as though an important stimulus has triggered my brain cells to proliferate the sense of urgency that I've been lacking the past few weeks².
I guess for whatever subject you're doing, you just have to search for - or just notice - your own stimuli that you need from what's happening around you.
And mei, it doesn't have to be medicine or any health-related occupation - just recognise and realise what you are really interested in (for pa it was the structures around him, for me its the people in my life) - and choosing a course won't be much of a difficult decision.
You have four months for you to explore all the options out there - for NUS, application deadline is 1st April, for UK its june - and I'm sure you'll find the right one. (No I'm not pressurising you :P)
And to the rest of my friends, I'm sure you've found your reason for whatever it is you're doing - if not yet, I'm sure you will soon. :)

Yup feeling particularly pensive today.

________________________________________________________________
¹ From what he described, I couldnt be sure whether it was angina, or just something less malignant.
² Yes I'm studying cancer and cell proliferation now.

Went out with two friends on friday night, somehow ended up in a big tesco which sold lots of yummy chocolate desserts.
Didn't know a friend - well, senior, technically, Exactly one year older than I am, in fact - had a weakness for chocolate too.
And made a huge mistake - I should really have stopped a friend from bringing a trolley in, when I knew the consequences - and we ended up buying 6 desserts. Yeah mostly chocolate ones.
Went back to said senior's place, made another huge mistake in opening the seals from all the desserts.
After two desserts, we actually got so sick of them that we had to play assorted games like Indian poker, table tennis and table soccer to finish them.

Seriously, you can get sick of too much chocolate. Even for a chocolate lover like me. And you know how much of a chocolate lover I am, so yeah.
Put me off chocolatey stuff for a whole day.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Right.....

I'm now treasurer.
Interesting ah, I'm treasurer again after all these years.

Decided to pamper myself today. Bought some mixed seafood (squid, mussels, prawn - from sainsbury's) and beansprouts, cooked myself laksa! Had resisted the urge to utilise the laksa mix Mum had sent me until now.
Niiiiiiiiiiceeeeeeeeeee!
:D

It snowed today!!! YAY!!!!!!!
Pity I couldn't capture any good photos today though, had quite some work to rush through (studying) before I left for dissection lesson.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh I've decided to run for VP.

Was cooking noodles just now when I realised something - you don't need chicken (meat) to actually cook chicken soup noodles. You just need chicken stock.¹
Which made me think.
You don't need love, you just need a semblance of it.
Indeed, why do we seek that elusive thing called 'love' when it is all around us?

And of course, you don't need actual CDs. You just need mp3s.


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¹And something that tastes or has the texture of chicken - well, vaguely, at least - like mushrooms (chewy) or ham. Though adding ham would be kinda cheating.

Its amazing how small the world we know is.
Just met a few secondary school classmates today in nottingham - alex, malcolm and tszehan, if u know them.
Met Daphne too.
And a few other people from cambridge.

Oh got kicked out in the semi-finals of bridge. Some would argue it technically isn't a sport, but hey, it requires just as much concentration, effort and energy as any other sport. Wasn't unhappy with the result, put it down to luck, seriously, but yeah was glad the other team from Manchester got 2nd place. We deserved it.

And I'm still pondering which post I should take up this year.

You fit in with: Humanism Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 0% scientific. 40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Interesting.

Its never good to shut yourself out from the world when you're not feeling happy.
And yet that is what I tend to do.

Its not just the cold. Neither is it just the realisation that I'm that far behind others in terms of work and I really need to catch up, that to realise my ambitions I have to be working much harder than I am now. That I'm not doing work, basically, compared with the rest. That I can't laze around and do last-minute work like in the past.
Or the fact that all I promised myself - I'll be a whole new me - when it comes to work, when I've turned out the same.
Or that I'm starting to miss home. The freedom of driving around in a familiar land, with no worries about anything in the world (besides being caught by the police for speeding). The returning home to my CD collection - there, just waiting to be re-discovered, again and again.
Nor is it the fact that I'm once again faced with the dilemma of whether to take up a position of responsibility, and why, indeed, I wanted to do so in the very first place.
Its also not just the amount of calories I've ingested - chocolates, cookies and all, and no output (have stopped going to the gym).

Its all of the above, obviously.

I need :
1) An exercise partner
2) A person to go travelling with
3) A chum to go to concerts with (classical, rock and all)
4) Someone who understands me, and whom I can understand.

I just said two thousand words. And I'll add three more. Its freezing here.

It was 0.5 degrees celsius today when I walked to uni at 850. Was 2.0 degrees when I walked back at 1055.
And the sun is still shining brightly in the sky.
Wow.

Your Birthdate: March 28

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame. You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems. Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego. You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance. Your strength: Your bold approach to life Your weakness: You don't accept help Your power color: Bronze Your power symbol: Pyramid Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Is this true?!!!

I mentioned 4 objects. Here's the 4th.

Two of only four things that adorn the bare walls of my room. (One's in an earlier picture.)
I've just realised these four really reflect important parts of my personality.

Oh bought these at the portabello street market in london. They were just there, right there, begging to be noticed. And noticed them I did. ;)

Sigh.
http://www.bridgewater-hall.co.uk/whatson/detail.asp?event_id=930
Can just imagine this - a good dinner in a fancy restaurant - then this concert...
Only problem is I can't find anyone to partake in this marvellous pseudo-illusion with.
Yeah it'd feel surreal, yet... be so very real.

1. I realise I haven't been making much notes in the past few weeks. The notes I've made can't even complete 1/4 an A4 pad, whereas some of my groupmates have made an entire ring file's worth of them.
2. I realise I need to study a whole LOT more if I'm to catch up with them.
3. I realise I don't really care. Oddly.
No its not the "Leave it to the last minute" syndrome that we're all so used to. (Or perhaps it is, to a certain extent.) Its more the "you study so much, you don't really bother making notes anymore" syndrome, I think. I'm tired of making notes.
Dangerous. I probably won't be able to recall everything come exam time.
I've gotta start making more notes.
Am starting to panic.

http://nobelprize.org/medicine/educational/immunity/immune-overview.html

Learning about immunology now. Above is an introduction to how our immune system works - a kid/adolescent-friendly version I wish I'd encountered earlier.
Wouldn't be suffering so much now, bogged down by details and all :(

Its 4.6 degrees celsius now.
Temperature will drop to 0 on sunday, according to the met service.
And its just the beginning of autumn.

Went to this free lunch-time concert. Some Cypriot pianist playing russian classical songs.
I actually fell asleep you know. Near the end of the concert.
And its not like he wasn't good or anything. Perhaps it was the heavy lunch I took - stir-fry lamb with rice, and a chocolate eclair (which totally sucked), was tired 'cause I slept for 5 hours last night, or the fact dat he played the Montagues and the Capulets (its a song), which was like damn nice, powerful and all - but I actually feel asleep!!!
Oh no. First time I've ever done this in any concert.
Oh no.

Went to the Michael Nyman concert today. Wasn't particularly fantastic, but wasn't too bad either. Yeah went alone, couldn't find anyone who was interested and could make it for a piano concert by a balding old man.
Didn't really concentrate on the music this time (it was so... soothing¹). Mind just wondered on its own. Interesting thoughts that I'd rather not reveal here, but no, none of the sexual nature.
There was this part where he let a film take centre-stage², and he sorta played accompaniment. Think he meant to show how music could affect our viewing of the moving images. Very interesting.
Spent 13.50 quid on the ticket. Quite happy spending the money on this, rather than spending the same amount firing 5 shots at my precious liver.

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¹No I didn't fall asleep :P
²Literally. The film was projected via overhead to this screen. Well, in the middle of the stage. Right smack in the middle.

Do you realise how your body works? There are always highs and lows, particularly in your emotions. So many variables affect your mood - environmental, social, even physical. Your emotions are but the results of these complex factors interacting, battling for control, and eventually settling in some sort of compromise.
If I were a chemist, I would say all these interactions are but the results of chemicals mixing inside our head. Humours, as this philosopher put it.
If I were a psychologist, I would say these emotions are part and parcel of life, and are what makes us human. And perhaps try to hypnotise you.
But I'm not. I'm just a first-year medical student who loves chocolate, coffee and good music.
So I'll just say, whenever you feel down, go exercise - run the treadmill for 10 mins, lift some weights in your room, look at the mirror and flex your muscles - and then have a warm cup of coffee and half a dark chocolate bar. Whilst listening to happy songs like "The Sesame Street Rubber Duckie Song".
I need all of the above now.

I can imagine my dissertion for neuroscience, if I were to take the intercalcated masters in my fourth year, right now.
Music & the Mind - How Music Affects the Function of The Human Brain.

The Logical Song - Supertramp
When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!
At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Don't Leave by Faithless.
Its a nice song, go listen to it.

Sometimes you just have to take a break from studying, and enjoy life jus dat leeetle bit.
Watched Wallace and Gromit, finally. Decided to watch it on the spur of the moment, but yeah. It was a good show :)
Then had a great dinner. Mixed grill (lamb, steak, chicken, sausage, and some unknown salty meat - prob processed pork) and hear this - hot chocolate fudge cake drenched in hot fudge, with ice-cream!!!
It was simply heavenly I tell u.
Oh. And I had some swedish pear cider (forgot the name). It is damn addictive I tell you. Tasted just like carbonated pear juice, with jus dat hint of alcohol.
That's one drink I don't mind getting drunk on. Seriously.
Wonderful day today.

Found something good about the long nights that have descended upon manchester. Makes you study. Perhaps its just me, but the darkening of the sky serves to remind me that the day is almost over - and since I've not got anything productive (academically) during daylight I have to endeavour to deliver some knowledge into my brain before the next day arrives.
Interesting (grim) fact of the day : 1 in 30 newborn babies will suffer from some serious defect, physical or otherwise, in their lives.
Yes that includes that inability to get sexually stimulated by women prancing about in semi-naked suits and doing assorted odd activities. Like me. Or perhaps its just because I've been learning too much about the reproductive system in men and women.
Oh. Just had dissection lesson again today. Saw the contents of some disembowelled guy's abdomen. Well actually the bowel was still there. So were the intestines and assorted viscera. Their ligaments, surface covering and all were removed though, so we could like study them. And perhaps touch them, to better understand the human body.
Not that anyone wanted to touch them though. There was faeces still stuck in the rectum/sigmoid colon (part of the colon just before the rectum).
Demonstrator told us its natural, 'cause well, you don't plan when you want to die.
Shit happens. Puns intended.
Yes those are my own words.

Having MSN on while you are online is no good.
Especially when you have friends in different timezones.
One goes offline, another comes on.
You don't get any studying done.
All I remember of the 4 hours I've tried to study is the particularly disgusting fact that your respiratory duct has cells that 'sweep' mucus up from your throat - vis bacteria, the slime they produce and other assorted eeky stuff - into your oesphagus.
So basically you're constantly swallowing the various mucky stuff you breathe in.
Yucks. Horrible thought isn't it.

Yes its the weather. Or sky. Its 5:45pm now and it looks like its 8.
Finally I understand why they say its depressing.
No I'm not depressed - just more pensive than usual.

Last night, more people got drunk. Sing-soc party.
I think they've realised I really don't drink much. All they forced me to drink was a cup of white wine. Which was not bad, actually.
Getting less and less interested in parties. Even the singsoc ones seem to degenerate into getting people drunk.
Or maybe its just 'cause I don't believe in socialising under the influence of alcohol. If you have to rely on alcohol to willingly reveal your true self, your innermost thoughts, its quite sad, really.
And the thing is, you willingly dispense with bits of yourself to people you've just met.
Perhaps I'm too uptight - I don't want to be naked (metaphorically and literally) in front of others, even after a few pints (or shots). Or maybe its 'cause I know I will scare people off if I show my ugly side.

Its interesting how the syllabus is planned.
Had a lecture by this philosopher today on abortion, cloning and stuff. Philosophical side of it. Like when we should treat embryos as human beings, potentiality and stuff.
Ended up in a Socratic dialogue - basically he tried to question our (students') beliefs by twisting and turning them around.
Innovative use of Kant and some other philosophical techniques, you know the stretching of certain 'truths' such that they become absurd. For example, if we treat embryos as human beings since they do have the potential to be like you and me, we should all be busy procreating, every single moment of our lives, as otherwise our gametes will be attrited and innocent lives will be lost.
Maybe because I do have some rudimentary knowledge of philosophy, I knew what he was doing right after he deflected a question this naive member of the audience¹ posed.
Anyway, point is, his Socratic dialogue did, in a way, provoke some thought. There was this question he posed - since letting embryos die² was 'natural', so were diseases, why were we studying to become doctors then? Defying the natural order of things, were we not?³
Maybe its my aries character, supporting the underdog and all, but I like the sound of that.

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¹ Who was angered, presumably, by his provocative statements.
² By not using them, from the previous question.
³ Paraphased - I like the sound of this more ;)

Interesting fact of the day : My "Coffee" mug has a volume of 500ml. Jus poured a whole bottle of water in it and it fits real nicely.
Hmm. 7oz (approx 210ml) of coffee contains 95-150mg of caffeine. So I can theoretically consume 350mg of caffeine in one sitting.

Hmm.

Don't know if you can get this in Singapore, but Yeo's Chilli Sauce with Garlic is damn nice. Its like hainanese chicken rice's chilli, but thicker, and more savoury. You can use it as a marinade - my chilli chicken - or use it as, well, chilli sauce. Goes damn well with cross lettuce. Yep tried eating cross lettuce today, raw, with just chilli sauce. To neutralise a little funny taste the leaves have. The stems are just.. crunchy. Yeah, just crunchy, and with that subtle sweetness a herbivore would understand and appreciate. Well, omnivores who know their veggies, too.
Oh I baked a cottage pie today!!! Mashed potato layer lacked a little taste 'cause I used skimmed milk (I only buy skimmed milk here) but yeah. Mince beef layer was good.
Shared the pie with two other lucky flatmates who happened to be watching tv in the kitchen.
Hence the need for fibre now.

Went to London on friday evening, met up with Deb and friends yesterday. Really good trip. Really enjoyed myself. Shopping, well, trying to shop, and just.. hanging out, really.
I guess... it just feels different, hanging out with people of my age. Like, similar background, jc experience and all. Plus, they're really nice people too.
I guess once in a while, you just have to... get in touch with different people. People you knew back in primary and secondary school; jc; army... See life from various perspectives. Reminisce, maybe - you just have to have that common bond, or link, between you, and feel it.
I guess when you're overseas, you really start to appreciate your friends and family. Much more.

I'm reading up on sex today. Yes sex, the actual process of 'doing it', not just the reproductive systems of man and woman. This book, particularly, Human Reproductive Biology, by Richard E. Jones.
He's a really funny guy. Seriously, you should read the chapter on "The Human Sexual Response". Chapter 15. Its interesting enough for an arts student who has absolutely no interest in the medical side of sex, I tell you.
Since I am not allowed to breach copyright laws and copy everything wholesale from his book, I shall let you read it for yourself. Seriously, its worth reading. I mean, how often do you get to read about sex and say its for educational purposes? ;)
Oh there's this later chapter though which I feel is quite true. I'm gonna paraphrase here. Didn't paraphrase the chapter above 'cause they jus don't seem so funny if rephrased ;) ]
Anyways its about 'romantic love'. There are several stages of 'romantic love' - infatuation, attachment, then detachment (naturally). Detachment happens if after 'romantic love', or the intense high u get from being in a relationship with a person you're sexually attracted to, is not supported by other factors of attraction like, well, personalities and stuff. This results in a peak in divorce at about 2-4 years, biological explanation being that's the time our ancestors needed to get pregnant, raise a child, and wean him/her off breastmilk.
How do we avoid this? Well let us first discuss some ancient Greek terms.
Greeks had many words to describe love. Eros - sexual love; Agape - giving, self-sacrificing love; Philia - friendship; Storge - affection.
If we fail to make the transition from eros to development of agape, philia and storge - intimacy, companionship and commitment - separation ensues.
Simple stuff, really.
Is it?

I've found this spot I particularly like in the University. Its this bench in the courtyard of whitworth hall, the main building in the university. You can just sit there, cup of hot (but not too hot) coffee in hand, and enjoy the cool (and sometimes cold) wind blow fallen leaves on the ground. Sorta reminds me of American Beauty come to think of it. The video of the plastic bag luxuriating in the wind. Yes. Luxuriating. :P
You can choose to read, revise, chat, or just watch the world go by. Well, people and cars of assorted shapes and sizes, rather.
But its good.
Shall upload a picture of it one day.

What is it that you seek in a partner? Does he/she have to understand you totally? Or do you not want him/her to understand you entirely, 'cause it'll be too dangerous to know a person that well?
Do you want to share everything with her? Your innermost fears, ambitions, emotions - all that you have?
Is having a partner all about companionship - having a best friend who is more than your 'best-est' friend, (a bosom buddy, if u may, pun intended) - or is it all about committment?
Yes I know that not all things can be be as clear as black and white.
But what shades of grey are you willing to accept? What blend of colours, if you will, do you want in a relationship, a commitment, a life-long promise you just have to keep?
Its interesting, isn't it, all these... chemicals swirling around in your head. How they interact, how they form such curious bonds, and persist in their set ways at the trigger of an event.
Yes I am still the cynical single man who believes that love can happen between almost any 2 people in the world, and can be controlled by the mind.
Its all in the mind, as they say.
Well, or the brain.

You know, walking in the pouring rain, hood on, is an experience in itself. Yeah it makes you think. But thinking aside, its just this... me against the world kinda feeling I guess. You're walking on, plodding on, against the obstacles nature has put in your path. (Like the puddle in front of you, you know your shoes will get wet, very wet - yet, you go ahead and step on it anyways.)
Maybe its just me, but I just love walking in the rain.
Raindrops keep falling on my head....

I really can't dance to R & B music.

I'm really amazed at how much time I've spent studying today, and shocked at how little I've actually covered.
Well I'm actually much more amazed at the former. I've never studied so much on a normal school day before!
And I actually enjoyed my time in the library, didnt know I'd spent so much time there until I got back to prepare for dinner (2 + 2 hours).
Wow.
(No I'm not thinking about the latter. Just yet.)

There's this dilemma - you want to talk to your family because u're in another country and will be so for quite a few more months.
You want to see their faces. Thus you have a web-cam conversation with them.
Do you want to, actually?
Would you want to see their faces, be reminded of the vast distance that separates you from them, be reminded that you're that far away from home?
Had a web-cam conversation with my family yesterday.
You know, I've been telling people I've not been homesick yet, and I'm actually enjoying my life here right now.
I havent been (homesick), and am enjoying my life here in Manchester.
I miss my room now. With all the CDs I have. My trips to Cineleisure (oddly enough, I keep remembering the view you have when you go down the 3rd floor escalator - outside, people strutting their stuff, well, pretending to run, actually; inside, Sembawang Music Store in front of you, and the gangly teenagers surronding you) and driving around in my Grandma's Toyota, taking in the sights all around Singapore....
And yes of course I miss my family now. Seeing them in the study room... it just seems so surreal.

Friend's Birthday celebration on tuesday. Watched My Fair Lady on wednesday, had Mark visit me from fri evening to this (sun) afternoon.
Great week, really.
Now, back to studying the pelvis and reproductive system.
Sigh.

This is my 200th post already. Wow.
In my 200 posts I have covered topics as diverse as man's primal needs (food and sex - well incessant craving for sex) and intellectual wants, emotions, thoughts and all.
I guess if you've read through all 200 posts you'll have gained a pretty good insight into the workings of my mind. How I am like as a person; how emotionally (un-)stable I am.
Perhaps I've revealed too much. Perhaps I've said things I shouldn't have and might be used against me in the future.
But I firmly believe that we should let excreted words remain as they are - outside the body. (Yes I'm studying the pelvis now)
I also believe that all the views I've expressed truly reflect what I've felt at a particular point of time. No use denying what was true at a certain point of time.

You may have noticed a subtle change in my posts - a change in my thinking, perhaps you might feel. Maturing as person, you might infer I am. Or the converse.
Yeah I now post (mostly) about inconsequential things - my squirt®, culinary skills (or lack of) and experiences in the pool next door.
I'm sure you don't want to know about my thoughts on, say, efforts to conserve the habitat of the distant cousin of the opossum, would you?
(For the record, I couldn't care less.)
But then again, why would you want to know if my latest culinary experiment succeeded.
Hmm.
Which reminds me. Remember Sophie's World? The pulling of rabbits out of the hat?
Perhaps we should all do that once in a while. Reflect, and not get too caught up with our daily lives to blindly plough through our days without reaping anything from it.

Thought of the day? ;)

Physical exercise is always good. Went swimming at last, after taking furtive glances at the aquatic centre every day, two times a day. Its just outside my hall, lah.
Swimming was good - they actually have like 'slow', 'medium' and 'fast' lanes where u hafta swim in a specific direction. 2 lanes each, basically.
Yes I swam in the slow lane. 'cause erm. was swimming with a girl lah. who, according to her, couldnt swim well. oh well basically was swimming in front of her. and more often than not stopping in the middle of the pool (1.2m) because of someone who was swimming real slow.
And oh swimming here is good 'cause once u rest/laze in the water for a certain amount of time, you start to feel cold. Really cold. And you really hafta start moving again to warm yourself up.
So yeah.
Physical exercise is good.
Kickboxing lesson tomorrow.

Bought some 'lean mince beef' from sainsburys. Made pasta with bolognese sauce last night, so decided to try my hand at making a burger.
;)

Some songs just trigger something in your heart.
Iris by goo goo dolls. Collide by howie day. Don't look back in anger and wonderwall by oasis. You're beautiful by james blunt. Be like that by 3 doors down. Demons by fatboy slim featuring macy gray. Good riddance by green day. Unwell by matchbox 20.
So many more....
Feeling pensive again. ;)

Soup test passed ;)

Still on the topic of food. Decided to finish my 2 pieces of chicken fillet today. Well, actually sliced them and planned to eat like half of the slices today, half of them tomorrow for lunch.
Decided to marinade them using my chinchalok chilli sauce I brought over. Together with the chilli sauce with garlic mentioned earlier. And of course a little bit of the assorted condiments I keep in handy.
Oh put in a leeetle bit of ginger for taste. And almost a whole onion. Just for the heck of it. Nutrients and all.
Then stir-fried the chicken. This time I didn't add too much water ;)

After taking some for myself, I asked the rest of my flatmates to try my cooking (5 angmohs, all sitting around watching television) whilst I cooked a soup. (Yeah mushroom soup)
Guess what.
They had emptied the bowl by the time I finished cooking the soup and was about to resume eating the rest of the chicken.
One whole piece of chicken fillet, they just went like "its very nice!!!", "yuan you should stop studying med and become a cook" and the like, and finished my whole damn chicken fillet.
Wah lao. I know its nice lah - I had actually considered finishing all of it myself - but... I don't know whether to feel flattered, or upset, or both.
My chicken fillet... 1 pound ($3!) worth of chicken fillet... just gone like that....
:(

Lucky I didn't share my soup.

And speaking of soups. I just put some chicken, mushroom, lettuce, onions and some secret ingredients to the slow cooker. Getting two friends to come over for lunch tomorrow - one cooking pasta. I'm providing the soup.
So I've passed my grilled/stir-fried chicken test, now for the soup test. ;)

Having too many options available is not good.
But then again its been just 2 weeks. I've like 5 years ahead of me.
Ah well.

Tried stir-frying some turkey today. Yes they were meant to be stir-fried, said so on the packaging.
Marinaded it, added assorted sauces to it, then put it in the pot (I have no pan). Added some chilli sauce with garlic.
Added some water.
Added more chilli sauce with garlic.

I had turkey in spicy soup today. Which tasted quite nice, actually. Honestly.

Mushrooms with onions turned out just as I planned though.
I think I'll stick with cooking mushrooms. They're so much easier.

Was walking back to Ronson today when this girl distributing flyers approached me and said, "Hi, do you want a free lunch?"
Is it just me or did a saying just pop into your head as well? ;)

I love my room. Though its smaller than many others, messy and is still quite bare, I just LOVE it. ;)
Origins of the squirt soft toy? Oh I was walking with a group when two girls decided to enter this disney shop. Well to shop, of course. Saw this wonderfully cute squirt and I promised them that I'll share with them if they wanted to buy other soft toys. (3 for 20 quid lah)
And so they bought the soft toys.
Did I just say I LOVE the squirt? ;)
And oh. I got speakers (and a hidden subwoofer) for 35 quid. EXcellent sound system, I tell you. Enough BASS!!!! YEAH!!!!

Yes I'll say it again, I LOVE my room.

:D

OK if that sounded scary rite, I'm still the same me. Do still email me, call me, whenever, whereever. I'll still always be there for my friends :)

Just read some resources available on the intranet and understanding suddenly dawned on me.
I'm now in university. Studying medicine.
It's gonna be a whole new ball game.
I finally have to accomplish what I promised I'd do in 'school'.
It is time to realise my potential.

Few updates of my life:
1. Medicine course has finally started. Started on Monday, in fact, with registration and all. First 'group' lesson's gonna be later. (Using computer cluster now) Well actual lessons won't start until end of next week, supposedly. All the lectures/tutorials now are for the sole purpose of teaching us how to learn in a PBL-based setting. "To learn how to learn", in other (their) words. And my timetable's like 9-4 almost every day. Ahh!!!
2. Starting to miss a few certain people in my life. People, you know who you are. I don't want to name names 'cause erm... some of you don't know who you are. *wink*
3. My internet connection's prob gonna be on end of today. Barring a few technical glitches, like my laptop fingerprint reader not recognising my fingerprints. Like what happened this morning. So I'll prob see ya online sometime soon! ;) If you're online around 6am in the morning dat is heh.
4. I have a webcam. *hint*

See ya all soon.

I get what you mean, when you say its scary, thinking of committing to him(her) for the rest of your life.
I get what you mean, when you say its so hard, keeping your long-distance relationship going. Or trying to get it started.
I get what you mean, when you say you miss home - the food, the people - everything.
But I don't get your answer, when you say you cant do it, for everything's gonna be fine.
I'll do what you're doing, I'll stay by your side, 'cause I don't know anything else.
(Unfinished)

Trying to write some lyrics. Cheesy, yeah, but well its a first attempt. Suddenly feel in the mood for it. Not addressed to anyone in particular, but hey if you think it means something to you, its intended for you ;)

Mark : Call me dude. Anytime you want/need to talk. And I mean Anytime.

Getting to the phase where u miss home. Family and friends, rather.
Loneliness, in other words.
I've made like quite a few friends here, one i think can be for life. No I'm not interested in her, she's attached too, but hey, pam its like us, the brother-sister kinda feeling.
Its only now that I realise how much you rely on your friends when you're overseas? I mean, like, experiencing it all for yourself - its really eye-opening.
Sharing my flat with Brits - there's this guy who's doing postgrad civil engineering - nice guy. Some other guys just moved in today - haven't talked much to them yet. Should be good.
And hey I just came back from the pub. Some wine for dinner and a pint of beer. (Of course I'm not drunk yet.) Quite good music, this SCU-BAR near the accomodation.
I shall take pictures quite soon, haven't been getting around to doing that. Quite a nice place, actually, my room. Manchester is quite nice, in general, in fact :)
Yeah feeling quite pensive again ;)

Still have time to waste, so shall just summarise some oddities I've experienced here so far:
1. Keyboard layout. the @ is not located on the 2, but is on the ' key instead. Basically trades places with the ". Weird.
2. LOTS of places to have coffee here. Aside from Starbucks, there's Nero, which, as Mark recommended, has GREAT espresso. It's those kind of coffee that is acidic, And aromatic. Very nice. And there's like what, 3? 4? I encountered just walking into the city centre. And countless other small cafeterias too. And the prices are close to what they are in Singapore. An Americano's £1.69 (x3.1 for sing dollar) at starbucks, an espresso's £1.20 at Nero! It's like, well almost coffee heaven to me man!!!!
3. They sell Tiger beer here. And apparently it is quite well received.
4. Chinese food is damn ex here. There are like only 'proper' chinese restaurants here, and you can easily have 2 meals for what you pay for a meal at any chinese restaurant. Eg - Dad and I had claypot beef and something called a 'yi(4) pin(4) pou(1)' yesterday. Just these two and rice. Bill came up to £33.
Had lunch at this bar (2 of us) for a grand total of £8. He had wine, I had pepsi, we both had this chicken/beef wrap thingy.
5. Winter clothes here are actually cheap! At Primark's - this chain, something like Marks and Spencer's - you can buy a zipped sweater for £6. Cotton, I think.

Will post more as I discover more nuggets of interesting information I glean from here.

Long awaited update of my life now that I'm in Manchester!

Well what have I been doing here for the past 3 days? What am I gonna be doing in the next few days, weeks and years?

Spent the last 2 1/2 days 'touring' Manchester (city centre and university) with my dad. Got introduced to various interesting and not-so-interesting buildings. Old structures and ancient ones. Safe streets and those to be avoided after dark. Well most of them, basically. 'Cause apparently drunkards and poor homeless blacks rule the streets after the pubs close.
Oh and we WALKED a LOT these 2 1/2 days. Nope didn't rent a car - not much parking space here in the city area, come to think of it - and the hotel we booked was within walking distance (kinda) from the university.

OK the city. First impressions : Small, old, and well, small. The whole city centre is like... the CBD, actually. With very few tall buildings though. Most of them are like ancient structures - or modern buildings masquerading as ancient ones - and aren't more than a few stories high. And the university is really like SMU, location I mean. Of course. So its within walking distance of like, the equivalent of Orchard Road. Woohoo. One of these days if I feel depressed I'm gonna undergo quite a bit of retail therapy.

OK orientation's gonna start tomorrow - actually registration starts today, but there's nothing more than that - and I'll get sporadic Internet access if I really want to. There's this computer cluster where there's free computer use 23 hours a day. But is damn crowded, of course. So I'll login once in a while to blog, check email and do various weird stuff. No MSN though, these smart people have somehow disabled the program - even the web version!!!

Oh people here are generally nice, I think. Not much contact with Brits as of yet, as this orientation's only for international students. And the international students I've met seem quite blur too. Which is good of course.

Will blog again soon. Cheers.

I'm leaving in 5 days time.
Wow.

Been feeling quite down today. Think its due to pre-departure jitters.

Realise I need to get back to memorising huge chunks of stuff again.

Saw "The Maid" 2 days ago with my grandma at J8. Had lunch too.
Accompanied her to her dental appointment and had lunch with her. Again at J8. (The lunch not the dental appointment)
Went to J8 today to do some shopping. Thankfully I didn't have chinese food for lunch again.
Hey they are good restaurants - Ding Tai Fung and Crystal Jade - I particularly like the noodles at Ding Tai Fung - but I'm getting sick of Chinese food. I mean, I have slightly more than 2 weeks left in Singapore and I should be sampling more local cuisine! Like Malay food. Roti Prata (I'm sure they don't make it the same way in UK). Hainanese Chicken Rice. Mutton soup. So much more!!!

Btw, why did I edit my previous post? No its not just because it can be used against me in some court case in the future, but more importantly, because I realise I was very biased and quite irrational in comments about others. I know not what others think, hence I should only comment on facts - what I know are true.

And just after the SMSL gathering, I went to Mark's house for dinner. Had a great time laughing and watching people laugh. Haha... But seriously, friends like Mark, Kiezin and Peiying keep me grounded. I do believe without friends like them, or my primary school friends I met up with earlier, I would be truly lost in this mazy chaos of a life.
Thanks guys.

Purpose.

Taking advantage of my camera's "food" picture settings. Hmm. Does my creation look more appetising? ;)
Now. Yes am back to satisfying my craving for steak. Story behind this? Here goes...
1. Steak - Decided to try a can of stout my dad bought. Muddy Murphy's Irish Stout. Couldn't finish the 500ml, left the remainder to ferment in the fridge.
Decided to put it to some use, hence the steak, and
2. Onion Soup - Substituted stout for red wine. Works just as well I tell u.
3. Scrambled eggs - Forgot to add milk!!!! Oh no.
4. Veggies - Decided I needed fibre. Stole some beans from the fridge. Onions from well, emergency storage.
5. Champagne grapes - Apparently my aunt brought some from australia. Nice!!!
So there goes. I think I'm getting the hang of cooking steak. Getting more interested in cooking and photography. ;)

Oh watched Mysterious Skin last night.
Just when I was about to convince myself, I'll just be a normal nice guy out there on the street (and in the countless korean serials my grandma devours on a daily basis) Mark comes along and asks me to buy the tickets and watch the movie with him.
Wah lao.
Yes its R(A), and its R(A) for a reason. Not 'cause of nudity or violence - though there were some quite disturbing sexual scenes (no front nudity though) - but because of the content.
If I were a teen watching this movie my mind would be subverted, I tell you.
And I'm glad I'm living in a big city like Singapore.

William Butler Yeats - Brown Penny
I whispered, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

First time I caught two movies in a row, albeit at 2 different locations. Yeah this poem was recited by a character in "Must Love Dogs". Not into poems but hey I find this very interesting.
Its really fascinating how the heart works.

Oh since I have so much time on my hands I feel compelled to write about eggs.
Hands up those who have not fried an egg before.
Shame on you.
An egg's the easiest thing to cook¹. I mean, rice can turn out to be porridge if you don't know the index finger rule but an egg... well, I guess if you don't possess enough dexterity you can flip your half-cooked omelette outside the pan, but you can always circumvent that by 'folding' your omelette-to-be in half. You can't lose too much egg to the surrondings this way.
And oh if you want scrambled eggs, just add milk, some seasoning, and disturb the egg-settling-on-the-pan process. Be evil and not let it solidify, to put it simply.
Now omelettes. Just add stuff that's been cooked before (microwave your leftover mushrooms, assorted vegetables or even that beef or pork you used in last night's spaghetti sauce) whilst letting the egg settle (be nice) and flip the whole darn thing over (or into half) when its dried up². And some seasoning before you flip it over, of course.

Hmm maybe I can write a book on cooking. Cooking For Busy Lazy Dummies. By A Fellow Dummy.

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¹I take back my statement on beef - I have to admit an egg's easier.
²Note:Dried up, not shrivelled up!

Trying out a few things -
1. My com's card readers
2. Flash settings on my camera (Actually not mine - wanted to use mine but it ran out of batt)
3. Blogger's image uploader function
and of course
4. Cooking with potatoes and eggs.

Yes I decided to cook something other than beef today for lunch. Well actually I ran out of beef. But yah. Found some potatoes¹, eggs², ham and assorted dried stuff in the fridge. Didn't want to waste much time cooking (was hungry) so first thought - omelettes! 2nd one - potato wedges!
Oh then I saw some dried mushrooms. And since I love mushrooms as well I thought what the heck. Might as well brew some soup.
So yah. Results seen above.
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¹Which is rare - there's normally only one lonely potato sitting forlornly amongst the many onions on the shelf, begging to be eaten but ignored by all and sundry. I think its for emergency use. Emergency? Yes don't look at me like that. I'm not normally the cook. :P
²Now they are always in abundance - my family's egg consumption per capita is 5. Per week. And there are six members in my family so yeah you do the math.

Cliche - Love at first sight.
Scientific explanation for the cliche : Pheromones.
Basically they are hormones secreted by the body, that attract members of the opposite sex. Well, not-so-scientific, actually, 'cause I believe its not totally accepted by the entire scientific community yet.
But anyways. They are why certain people, although born with features not deemed beautiful by most people, still can attract many people of the opposite sex.

If Pheromones really do exist, can we postulate that we emit certain chemical signatures that can get picked up by very specific targets out there?
How else would you explain why the moment I saw this girl at the SSSM (Singapore Students' Society of Manchester), I felt, hey, she's interesting?
That we look for members of the opposite sex that share fundamentally similar features as us? (Which can be used to partially explain why couples look alike, but that's another topic)
Pity I couldn't get to talk much to her. Was seated like quite far apart after the initial stages.

Now of course I realise physical attraction alone means nothing. If you can't connect emotionally, intellectually, your relationship won't last. And of course the 'heart' has to be controlled with the mind, or we'd have evolved apes running around having indiscriminate sex with each other.
Hmm. But that is happening now, isn't it?
But anyways. I'm not attracted to her in a sexual manner. It's just... sometimes when you meet someone, you just feel as if you can be friends forever? At the very least.
Yup.

By the way, the SSSM gathering was a huge success in my opinion. Got to meet all the freshmen. Nice mix of courses (2 in Law, 3 in Med, and a few more in Electrical/Electronics and Computer Systems) and people - different personalities, but that any I envision clashing with. A nice bunch of people, basically.
Looking forward already ;)

And watched Napola today.
Reminded me of my army days, and how I thought then, and now.
Especially this incident where we were playing war games, sorta. After this fight where I had no part of, I was like the last guy who faced the last survivor of the enemy. We were supposed to charge at each other, and fire away our weapons.
IA. For both of us.
We laughed, stopped in our tracks, and I turned away.
Got severely reprimanded - and that's a nice word - by my superior. Failed the camp because of that.
Anyways. If he were really my enemy, and we were both in a battle, would we still be able to do the same thing?
Laugh, shake hands, and walk away?
Would I have the mind to take out my bayonet, and kill, or be killed?
I don't know.
I still don't know.

I think I'm getting too stressed.
You know the nightmare right.
And today after work, as I was driving home from work, I suddenly started imitating the song I was playing in the car. Fatboy Slim, lyrics go something like this, "And the sign said, long haired freaky people need not apply".
Scary thing was, I started to ape the singer's "cute" voice. As in, yah, the "act cute" kinda voice you hear in cartoons or Channel 8.
Oh no what am I coming to.

Started sleeping from 8pm last night. Got woken up, chased from the sofa to my bed at 10. Had a terrible dream. Woke up at 2 quite terrified, but managed to get back to bed. Slept till 9.
Now about the dream.
Dreamt I was forced to re-live my life starting from age 12. With my memory intact. Don't know why but it scared me. I had to like look for my grandma, at this hawker centre/wet market, was lost or something. Couldn't find her. Panicked.
I guess the main point, though, was that I was afraid I had to re-live my life. According to some sort of invisible script. Like having to study (bleah, but least of my problems), meet friends whom I know I wouldnt get close to - but if I were to be good friends with them, would my life turn out different? - bottom line, I can't imagine living a life different from the one I have now.
All the experiences, good or bad, all the people I've met, have kept in contact with, and am close to... I don't want to lose them and have to get to know them all over again.
Ahhh... rambling. Shall stop.

You know why a movie makes a great date?
Because although you don't actually do anything besides staring at a giant screen (together) a movie brings the both of you on a journey - be it to the far reaches of the universe, or the intimate surrondings of a budding relationship. You experience life (and probably death - someone must die in an action, drama or horror film) and are made to feel you have been thru an enternity together.
It also has the intimacy of a camp-fire ghost story - the "sssh don't tell anyone" type - and provides that shared experience you can talk about later.
And best of all - besides buying the ticket and popcorn set, you don't have to do a thing.

Bleah. Stoopid hairdresser took advantage of the fact that I could barely keep my eyes open today and massacred my hair.
Now I look like a guy who's just come out of NS. Or still is In NS.
2nd and last time I'm going to Jean Yip.
(Well actually last time I'm going to a saloon/barber in Singapore - stoopid hair length.)

And I feel so ancient again.

Watched the National Day Parade just now after a hiatus of quite a few years.
Don't know why, but I was overcome by emotion quite a few times during the show.
I realised... I'm quite proud to be Singaporean, actually. There are just so many reasons to be so. And no I'm not about to launch into a list of things Singapore has done right.
But if I wasn't born and bred in Singapore I wouldn't be the way I am today.
I'll probably be known as Don Yuan.
And hate myself for it.

I believe I've hurt a girl quite terribly.
I'm very sorry.
I really need to... control my emotions more. Think before I act...
Yah. Think of the consequences.

Started teaching on Monday. Teaching some international students (mostly Taiwanese these two weeks) here on a summer camp. (English.) Exhausting work. Especially so 'cause there are 5 kids eight to ten years old, 7 eleven/twelve year-olds and 6 in their early teens. Can't play kiddish games; can't use my 'normal' conversational english (too 'cheem' and/or singlish-y) and constantly have to think of new ways to keep them occupied. Brain-wrecking stuff I tell you.Gosh I'm like so dead tired after each half-day of teaching. Yes just a few hours each day and I'm gone liao

!:(

You know that euphoric feeling you get when everything is going right for you socially, especially when a member of the opposite sex reciprociates the care and concern you show him/her? And the feeling that follows when you drift apart, or are forced apart by circumstances?
Term them what you like - love, intimacy, friendship; sense of loss, feeling 'down', or even depression - you just have to recognise those feelings and divorce them from your body. Exorcise the negative feelings, if you may. Get over them lah, basically.
Comes from some Buddhist teaching I've read before, I think.
Yeah had the car again today, and did quite a lot of driving and sticking around in jams. Reflected on quite some things.

Pink Martini (the band, not some not-so-exotic drink) has come up with a new album! Go get it! And get their previous one, if you haven't already. Seriously, they're good!!!

Finally feel compelled to write something about It.
Why I did it where I did it, the reasons behind my doing it and of course why it is what it is.
I'll start with the simplest - location. Well the area won't sag - at least not as much as the chest - and I don't think fat goes there as much as, say, the stomach. (Just imagine something on a beer belly years down the road - yikes!)
And oh its always concealed, of course, unless some fashion designer comes up with see-through shirts that are (and this is important) accepted by the mainstream. Oh trips to the beach or swimming pool? Well I don't really care about public opinion. Not when its not satanic or something like that. And of course if a girl gets scared away by the sight of a simple imprint I don't think she's worth going after. Ditto for friends I'd like to make.
Plus I'm acutely aware of the fact that people are fascinated by bare skin, and the lack of it.
OK the reasons behind it. (Its design comes under this as well.)
1. I'm Chinese.
I'm proud of my culture. I guess no matter what you say about the world being a global village, playground or quagmire, I still feel distinctly Chinese. Well, Singaporean Chinese, but that's not the point. Its the identity that I'm talking about, that we all seek - the roots that anchor us, keep us from amorally having sex with all and sundry, creaming off hundreds of thousands of dollars from the auntie that cleans your table when you've finished making a mess out of it, or tacitly allow a colleague to do that.
I'm not being racist when I say that when you've lost your values - and I'm not talking just about 'Confucian values' - you've lost your sense of self. Every race and community has its values, and when you desert your values, you've lost your sense of self.
Sorry I digressed. But well it was because of my firm sense of identity (as of now) that I wanted it imprinted on myself - to constantly remind myself that I am Chinese, and more importantly, I would not lose myself without the physical constraints of my family.
2. Instead of some cheesy cliche like 'ren(3)', I wanted something more meaningful. Like my name, which reminds me of my family, naturally.
And I am a little narcissistic i'll admit.
3(and more). Now identity aside, I guess I do share some of the reasons why people do it - connotations of rebelling against, well, something; the desire to be different; appear more macho (i can take pain, yeah!); and of course I saw a pretty seahorse on my cousin a few years back and thought hey, dats cool! Let me do something like that too!
Oh and I wanted to dispel the notion that I'm a guai guy. If not that, at least that not only gangsters or bengs can have it.

Anyone for swimming or the beach next week? Girls, especially? ;)

_______________________________________________________
Pls refer to it as, well, it in your comments, for personal reasons. Yes its a secret to some. Thanks.

I had just wanted to write "its been a great 3 days" when the power tripped. Grandma screamed/shouted. I fixed the problem - one of the electrical outlett's fuse blew. Grandma didn't understand what I was doing, what needed to be done (changing the outlet, which I don't have the equipment/don't want to do), and shouted somemore before calming down.
Wah kau.
And a teacher (Mr Steven Koh, for those who know who he is) was commenting how much patience I have. Said it when I was dealing with that English HOD lah, but yah.
I tell you, if you have to live with my grandma, with her tantrums, temper and all, you learn to be patient.
She's OK lah, when she's not angry/anxious/frightened.
But. I cannot stand her shouting.
I hate shouting, in fact, in any form. Which explains why I don't like shouting myself.

Shall post more about the past 3 days' events later. Too affected by her shouting.

Jus had lunch, a striploin steak and some asparagus. Bought fresh from NTUC, cooked myself. Wonderful meal. Simple, but absolutely delicious!!! :D
Jus love beef lah. Especially thick half-cooked slabs where you get to taste the blood, juices and raw taste of raspberry-red meat. *slurp*
Yeah i'm pretty much in contact with my inner carnivorous savage.

Seriously, I love beef. Don't you? It is the only meat that can taste great with minimal seasoning and cooking - think charred-but-not-cooked chicken u get at bbqs where everyone forgets the defrosted (ex-)frozen chicken wings on offer at Cold Storage are merely, erm, frozen, after decimation.
It is also the easiest meat to 'cook', isn't it? Slather some ssorted condiments and/or sauces you can find in the kitchen onto the piece of meat, add some oil, and let it burn in the saucepan until you decide you'd like it turned over. Flip it over, wait until you're impatient, and serve!
An aromatic/pungent medium-rare/blue/wasted steak is thus done!
Not to mention the numerous nutrients and protein it provides. Or its versatility. (I know that beef isn't just steak :P)
Damn I'm getting hungry again just thinking of it.

Was shocked to find my blog in IE's history when I opened it today. Apparently my sister had discovered my blog whilst searching for my name in yahoo. Yes jus by typing my name, and clicking search. My blog appears as the first result.
I believe I don't mention my own full name even once in the blog.
You guys might want to do a similar search on your blogs yah. If you don't want your mum or dad to discover your foul-mouthed straight-talking (very-)liberal-minded (*hint*) side.

I'm now hooked onto Apocalyptica. Its this band of 3 classically trained cellists playing.. I would say a mixture of metal, hard rock and classical music. Go check it out yourself - their fifth album is out.

You can't say their music is fantastic - if you don't know classical music and/or are not into heavy rock/metal you probably wont like it. And there's pretty little vocals in their songs, two only, in this entire album, in fact.

I just love the proposition - combining two of my passions into one.

Now... to get the 1st three albums i've missed...

Yay!!! I'm finally feeling much better today. The past few weeks have been real bad I tell you. High fever... lethargy... it was so bad I wanted to go out desperately but couldnt...
Oh well. I'm fine now!!! Anyone wanna go out soon? :D

I realise I haven't written anything about why I chose medicine, after years of saying a firm "NO" to it. Why I chose it despite my specific interest in neuroscience.
I guess its always been a personal thing - yes you know I'm a private person and I don't talk much about myself, but I guess today after watching Tuesdays With Morrie on Hallmark I feel... I want to share this with you people, especially my best friends who read this blog.

Well there are several reasons, of course. My experience as a medic, the conversations I had with friends, esp Mark, and several events that had happened in the past year that particularly affected me.
OK first off, why choose medicine as a course in the first place? Well not just because neuroscience is not a subject at BA level in the UK of course. As you all know I was quite keen in going into neuroscience in the US. I wasn't confident in getting in the universities I applied to, actually - but all the same, I did what I could, went over, talked to the professors, and got to know which universities it were I wanted to be in - and only those I was genuinely interested in getting into I applied. 2 universities only, actually. Duke and Chapel Hill.
But anyways. I wanted to find out, after taking neuroscience as a basic degree, whether I would want to continue as a neuroscientist, or branch out into medicine, a postgrad degree in the US. I was in a sort of conundrum, would I have the temerity to treat live human beings instead of torturing cute little hamsters? Would I be able to have the courage and confidence to help people with my medical knowledge, and be sure I was indeed helping them?
Had several conversations about this conundrum with several people. (I esp recall a conversation in coffee bean, and the coffee - good strong kopitiam-ish coffee, btw.)
But I guess after those conversations, I had a clearer picture of what I wanted to get myself into. I had decided, when I applied for medicine in the UK - it was meant as a backup, to my parents - that if I got in, it wouldnt be a hard choice for me to accept it.
By the way fate had it turn out both US universities rejected me, so it wasn't much of a choice in the end anyways.

My experience as a medic. Well actually it kinda ties in with the events that happened in the past year, or two.
As you know my grandpa had been suffering from Alzheimer's, dementia and a host of other ailments in the past few years. Somewhere near the end of 2003, he suffered a fall which left him physically, and I suspect mentally, very frail. He couldn't walk, or prod, in his later years, like he used to.
At the start of 2004, I was in training for 3 months in SMM. I guess by then I had decided that I would take the training seriously as it wasn't just for my own benefit - I might need the skills I learnt in the course in the future.
I finished the course 2nd in my platoon. 1st was a regular. (but no I'm not insinuating anything here) Whatever the result, though, I felt it was an accomplishment I could be proud of, not just for myself.
I was posted to Tengah, an ADA unit. Spent most of my time at Tengah, and as Tengah is a huge base - with thousands of personnel working in it, and many falling sick daily, invariably - I had quite some experience working there.
I wrote this in my application, and I'll share it here:
I want to do something more. I remember this duty I did, where I was in charge of a sickbay of 9 patients, 8 on IV and suffering from physical exhaustion. All I could do then was to inform the Medical Officer if anything went wrong - if temperatures started to go up, the guy not suffering from physical exhaustion (some viral fever, actually) were to suddenly collapse, if anyone were to collapse, for that matter. I couldn't do anything else besides CPR.
I want to do something more. I want to be able to face a sickbay of patients and know what to do. Be able to do something about their conditions. Be able to do something for them - alleviate their pain and suffering.
I meant every word I wrote. And I will stand by what I have written for the rest of my lifetime.

And of course there were the contact with different doctors. I witnessed a change of doctors in Tengah while I was working there. The outgoing OC just did his job - he was a regular who prob regarded his stint in Tengah as a rung in his career ladder. He scolded patients, you know, who he thought were 'geng-ing'. Outgoing Dy-OC was a nice man who gave me his medicine book (Clinical Medicine) when he ORD-ed. Incoming doctors, both serving their NS, were nice people too, especially the Dy-OC, Dr Tan, whom I talked to quite a few times regarding my application and other stuff. He even brought me to National Neuroscience Institute in TTSH, where he worked a stint in. He's interested in neuro too, the medicine side of it.
I'd say they played a part in my decision to apply for medicine.

In the middle of the year though, some months just after I'd started my stint in Tengah, my grandpa passed away. I will not descibe the feelings I had then - its in my previous posts. (June 2004, should be around there)
It was a huge factor in my decision to do medicine. There was guilt - I could have done more for him in his later years; I could only take his pulse, helplessly, as his life seeped away from me, literally, that night. There was a fierce determination to want to be able to something for my parents before they reach that age. They had provided and cared so much for me, I was not going to be helpless - again - as they suffer from the ailments of old age in the future. I had seen my aunt care for my grandpa, as a daughter and doctor, and I was going to do the same as a son. There was also a realisation that hey, I was spending so much time thinking about the meaning of life - and here it was, staring at me right in the eye. I was privileged enough to be born in this comfortable environment, I was not going to waste it and say "hey, I'm just gonna make use of this and earn more money for myself".

And the tsunami came at the end of 2004. The blanket media coverage afforded of that proved beneficial for once. I wanted to do something for the victims, and for victims of natural catastrophes in the future. Not just material and/or monetary contributions. I volunteered when the army asked for a standby force that could be deployed in Indonesia; I had no hesitation when told my ORD date might be extended if I were to take part in that. I believe quite a few medics I know did that too.
And again I want to be able to do something more. As a doctor. Perhaps I should state this to remind myself in the future : I want to be one of the doctors working for the people, to fulfil my role as a fellow human being. I know this might be a tall order, but believe me I will try to fulfil this promise.

So yeah. Quite a long piece on why I decided to choose medicine. Well as a sidenote, the day of the interview for Manchester in KL, the professor and another doctor who were the 'panel' didn't believe me when I said I was an introvert. Apparently I had been so earnest in sharing my experiences as a medic that I was doing most of the talking.
Quite rare right. You see me in person and you know I'm not much of a talking person.
Well I'm proud of the fact I managed to impress them - not with flowery words, rehearsed lines (though I did draw up some pointers on what I planned to speak about, but didn't manage to, at all!) - but I guess with my passion for the subject.

I know it sounds quite bhb. That's why I didn't want to write on this until today, when I was reminded of all these after watching that show - Tuesdays with Morrie - just now.

Did another blood test today, finally have got a diagnosis. I'm down with mononucleosis. Glandular Fever. Or the "kissing" disease, as it is known commonly (will elaborate later).
Basically there's no treatment for this disease, from what my aunt's told me. Anti-biotics help dat wee bit, but its up to my immunity system to get it right. And let my body burn in the meantime. Or consume panadol lah.
OK why is it called the 'kissing' disease? 'Cause its contagious, spread by saliva.
No I have NOT been kissing random infected people out on the street. Or Anyone, for dat matter :P
But yeah I'm fine guys, I'll prob jus miss a few days more of work. Spend some quality time alone as I don't want to spread the disease to you people.

Notice the time lapse since I last posted? Well I've been sick.
Really sick, in fact.
Some figures for your perusal:

(Money I've spent)
On medical fees : $185
Lost Pay so far : $64 x 5 = $320
(Time I've spent)
Sleeping : 18 (average) x 5 = 90 hours
Awake/Semi-conscious: 30 hours
Outside home : 3. Today, when I brought my grandma, sis and bro out for lunch.

Can see how pathetic my past week has been rite.

Its rambutan season again! The rambutan tree's filling up with fresh succulent (soon-to-be) bright red rambutans!

But with the rambutans come the crows. I'm serious, somehow once the rambutans start popping out the crows will come. Nasty f*$@-ing crows that destroy numerous innocent young rambutans. Deprive them of the right to be enjoyed by their rightful masters.

Now how I wish I had a shotgun with me so I can go 'BANG!' everytime I see a disgusting black crow. Take a piece of 'em. Literally.

OK yes I'm sick. No, seriously. I'm down with some viral fever. Been bothering me for days. So that kinda explains the weird twisted violent thoughts.

Kinda.

Of Birds And Fish

Spent some time gazing at my ex-neighbour's pool today¹. Spotted some cute birds (sparrows?) trying to poison themselves with the ex-pool water. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, chirping along happily, when suddenly this mynah stopped next to them and started squawking at them. Scared them away. And started to poison itself too, of course, happily.
Led me to think, do birds share a common language? I mean, there are so many different species of birds, do they share similar 'words' in their various 'languages'? Or is it the tone in which something is said that puts the meaning across? Like when you say 'kan ni nah bei chao ji bai', a non-Hokkien person will still sort of get you and back off? But humans have like so many facial muscles to contort and distort, I don't recall learning about the various maxillo-facial muscles in the common bird?
Hmm perhaps an ornithologist can enlighten me.
(Perhaps you'd like to take a look at this if you're interested/bored)

And oh visited my uncle's house for dinner tonight. Apparently his koi do backflips in the water like dolphins do. I'm serious, I saw two of them (or one koi, twice) do just that while I was there. My cousin kindly informed me that yes, they do do that quite often.
And I thought only dolphins possessed the necessaryintelligencee to get bored of swimming and think of acrobatic tricks to do to entertain themselves.
But come to think of it, backflips should be quite fun for bored fish. Just imagine yourself as a fish - when you're doing a backflip out of water, you're actually depriving yourself of oxygen for the very few seconds you're in the air. Should be kinda like the adrenaline rush you experience when you bungee-jump?
Anyways. Perhaps fish (in general) are smarter than we think they are.

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¹My ex-neighbour's house is currently un-occupied. It has a pool. Or what used to be a pool. Now the water is green and somewhat murky. I'm sure if I decide to be civic-minded and release some fish into the ex-pool (to prevent the growth of mosquito larvae, of course) it'll be an interesting case study for primary school science students. I can just imagine the title : A Semi-Artificial Water Habitat.

Ooh I must share this interesting nugget of information I gleaned while talking to some colleagues (KZ and KC) at lunch the other day. Apparently in school I usually have this "Don't disturb me or I'll kill you" look while busying around.

Looks like I've perfected this look at last.

;D

I drive to (and from) work almost everyday now that my father's overseas. The hours spent on the roads are good times for observation and reflection. Often in that order.
I've noticed that the stretch from Bukit Panjang to Mandai has been recently re-paved. Led me to think about the times I've spent on the *road in other countries.
Singapore's road system (?) is really terrific, you know, when you compare it to those of other countries. For example. America's roads... well I should just say you Do need cars that offer 'comfortable rides' on them. The UK's too. Malaysia's highways are better, in my opinion, but then you need to pay quite an amount just to travel on them.
So I'm not against the recent increase in ERP timings/prices. We Do need some source of funds to pay for the raw materials, foreign talents that work on them, as well as to upkeep the system itself.

Now on a totally unrelated topic. When you invest a huge amount in something, you Will want to recoup your initial losses, as well as to maximise your profits in the future right? Once you've got something in place, why not try to squeeze maximum profit from it, when your profit ceiling is determined by you yourself, not your customers?**

And on another totally unrelated topic, I just got to know that my uncle has been caught speeding so many times that his driving license is on the verge of being suspended. My mum's using this anecdote to warn me not to speed. 'So many cameras everywhere now' is what she often says.
Coincidentally I browsed through the traffic police website recently. There seems to be cameras on every road I've ever travelled on.
And to list out the penalties for speeding:
Exceeding speed limit of road up to 20km/h : $130, 4 points.
" " " " " from 20-30km/h: $150, 6 points.
" " " " " from 30-40km/h: $170, 8 points.
" " " " " above 40 km/h: Prosecuted in court. (More money + points)

Guess I'll just have to satisfy my speed cravings in Malaysia. No money to afford the fines sia.


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*As a passenger - where you get even more time to think, without the trepidation and stress you have to endure as a driver (esp in singapore) - but that's another post.

** Jus thought of this example. Let's say I'm the company in charge of lockers at a swimming pool. Now you know that if you don't put your valuables in the lockers, you are responsible for your own losses. And there's no spectator stands or places to sit like the public swimming pools you have here.
So basically I have this monopoly of valuable-keeping. To improve the safety of Your valuables, I have recently changed the locks to hgh-tech ones that are highly key-specific, and impervious to tampering by vandals. Its natural that I have to raise prices, since the lockers are of such high quality, right? Since I'm running a company and Am looking for profits, I have to pass the cost on.
Oh and this makes me think of something else. Though I am running a public service for you, and I am already making some profits originally, I Do have to raise my prices to maintain my profitibility. I Am running a service for you, you know. You don't want me to collapse, do you. Not when my, no, Your, high-tech lockers are the envy of all swimming pools around the area.

Anyone game for the Tree-top walk anytime soon?
Feel like doing some exercise. Breathe some fresh air.

Its wonderful what a 5-hour sleep in the afternoon can do for you.
I feel so... serene now.
No ill-will towards that person at work. (It's not personal, just work)
No worries about the amount of work left undone. (Not much, actually.)
No lack of anticipation about the pay I'll recieve in two days' time. (Have a concrete plan as to how to spend it - in its entirety - now)

Ah. *contented sigh*

Haven't blogged for a whole week.
Been real busy.

Quick summary of my life:

Mon-Tues : Work, work and more work.

Wed: More work, but the Maths HOD trusted me with her car and let me drive to the Science Centre to film some stuff. Realised two things - People somehow trust me and the Nissan Sunny sucks. Engine has no power.

Thurs: Got so fed up with work, coupled with a lack of sleep, that I exploded in the Lab. Shouted at the students. Threatened to kick them all out if I were to hear more noise. Then slammed the door.
Think Everyone was shocked.
I was shocked to hear myself. All the correct voice projection techniques I'd learnt in speech and presentation lessons; commanding/threatening tone I'd picked up in army; the anger and frustration I'd stored up the last few weeks - all came out.
Yes I was seething mad.

Fri: Not so much work. And got to know an interesting nugget of information from a colleague today. Apparently Mark's Mum has been stressing my 'good points' to the office. Her, especially. And making not-too-subtle hints about my eligibility.
Muhahaha.....

I must Really look like a nice boy to her huh? :D

Pity I have no interest in her.

Now, if Mark's Mum were to recommend me to her teachers.... I don't mind mature women? ;)

i've been really busy these few weeks. with work.
yeah i'm serious.
been working late nights (until 6 or 7) and feel like damn shagged out almost every day after work.
still had to bring/fetch/send my sis and bro to/from tuition.
damn tiring, i tell u.
(wonder how my mum managed to do this for so long)

and this isnt even my chosen profession.

cant imagine myself when i've got my med degree yah.

oh! a HOD was asking me today ('cause i was still in school at 6) why i didnt have a date, when its a nice fri evening.
told her "not this month".
whole room of HODs were laughing.

and oh she wanted to introduce some girls to me.

well.

if i didn't have jus 20 bucks left in my bank account and 10 bucks with me* to last till june 7th i'd haf jumped at the oppurtunity.

wait i'd haf had a date today.

i'd haf had Several by today, actually.

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*I got 550 bucks for my pay last month.
$200 for my traffic fine
$205 for my insurance
$45 for fuel
=$100 to last the month.

:(

One thing you can do when you're really bored : Read Spam mail.

It can be quite amusing you know.

For example, I just received this mail yesterday. Its title proclaimed : "Every man mus have a sex!!! MUS!!!!"

erm. in this age of political correctnes perhaps that's abit strong huh? i mean... there are in-betweens...?

yah lah. it was trying to sell some sex site.

Oh and the "bank" and "credit card" mails.

At last count I have American Express, Diner's, Discover And Visa cards that require "verification".

And I've a home to mortgage for up to 110% of its value!!!

Not to mention (pre-)payday loans of up to 10 times my current pay!!!

Did I mention I can get cheap medication from Canada too? Like "Viagra".

*One word of advice though - if you want to read spam mails for fun, don't click those that have attachments. They're... not really fun.

I feel quite strongly about accents, actually.

I am in awe of those who can speak with neutral accents. Pure, crisp english untainted by local dialect and slang. Haven't met many who can speak like that. 'Cause I believe to speak with no accent, you have to be supremely confident in your language. You can't mask your inadequacies (grammar or pronunciation) , rather, you need no mask to conceal those flaws, for you will have none (or close to none) if you can speak perfect neutral english.

And I despise people who put on fake accents thinking that their grotesque grammatical errors will be hidden beneath that oh-so-posh British or (usually) American "x-cent".

No its not like I'm elitist - people with bad grammar deserve to die! - but I believe that it shows something when you don't bother to at least try correcting your basics, but instead feel that you're above others just because you possess a half-decent Southern drawl or some quasi-African American vocab.

I'm not talking about those who put on accents when speaking to caucasians - I know its impossible to have a half-decent conversation with most of them in singapore-accented english, I've tried - I'm talking about those who speak to fellow singaporeans in those pseudo-accents.

I know I may seem kinda hypocritical here - I do put on some weird accent subconsciously sometimes when I speak - but believe me, I try to stop myself when that happens. I believe that if your english is of a decent standard, you should be able to code-switch; if you have some self-respect, you will not consciously put on a pseudo-accent to show that you're better than the rest. 'Cause if you do you really aren't.

Just a general rant, actually. Felt like writing something vaguely argumentative so yeah. Oh I prob was influenced by 3 straight hours of Bookworm. (Level 12 at last!! Yay!!! :D)

I just realised something - Go listen to Howie Day's Collide and and Billie Myer's Kiss the Rain. One after the other.
;)

Well I wouldn't say its a rip-off lah. And don't really care.
Sometimes you're just in the mood for such sappy songs.
It's like...working in a secondary school like I do, you get frequent flashbacks of ages ago... Then you just feel so old.
You look at their IC numbers, which I have to do daily, and you realise just how much older you are. Oldest starts with 88.
In fact, most of the kids I come into contact with have their IC numbers start with 9.
I feel Ancient sia.

Don't know why but it seems like I can't stop laughing today.
Was suppressing sudden bouts of almost-uncontrollable grinning the whole day.
Exploded when one of my 'heads' showed me a drawing of her students' drawings. She wanted to digitise' them.
I don't know, perhaps it was the way she described her lofty ambitions for the drawings, or perhaps it was the drawings themselves, I burst out laughing and couldn't stop for ages.
Seriously. I must have embarrassed myself terribly (lucky there weren't any other teachers there), but I just couldn't control myself.
The endagered siberian tiger one group drew was exactly like those cute cuddly cats you see on KidsCentral!!!
And a 'rabbit'...which looked like a succulent roasted pig... she didn't help by mentioning 'stew' (something about rabbits disappearing into stews?)... haha
Still can't stop grinning now.
Muhahaha....

On a lighter note.
Read this!
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/050424/5/singapore144225.html
For some reason I find it damn funny.
OK maybe it's jus cause I'm in this I'm-not-happy-with-the-way-this-world-works kinda mood today.
Just feel like ranting against something - no, everything - lah.
Yes some people might classify this kind of mood as 'bitchy'. Or 'grouchy'.
Perhaps its jus the horrible hot humid weather today. Or it was 'cause Southampton lost today without a fight. And probably is gonna get relegated. As I predicted in 2002.
But anyways. Can't find anything else to grouse about. (Oh perhaps the US's inability to convince itself that smoke from exhaust pipes IS harmful, and 4-by-4s are meant for the jungles, non-concrete ones. But that... I'll leave to another day.)
Have a nice day.

Jus heard Britney Spear's "Do Something" again on the radio. Got reminded of the mtv.
It's just wrong I tell you. Her promoters/managers/whoever's manipulating her wardrobe, image and G-strings behind the scenes.
You know the gradual transition from innocent teeny-bopper to grown-up sexpot? I think its so damn wrong.
If I were a conspiracy theorist I would say those people are subverting young girls' minds by firstly drawing them to her, then when they've got them hooked line and sinker they lead them on, unsuspectingly, towards an amoral lifestyle where sex appeal and slick dance moves rule over actual success in society.
But I'm not. So I'll just say that this... all-too-common trend of meta-morphing images for pop idols isn't morally correct. It probably Is necessary for pop idols to extend their appeal to new demographics with each new album, as well as to 'grow up' with their core group of fans.
It still is not correct.

Realise I'm pretty chinese at heart. Its like no matter how messed up my chinese is (and it prob is very) I'll still use it as my preferred means of communication with most of my pals. I mean, I guess I can be pretty much at home with English, and can even fake an accent or two... but I don't know... it seems like Chinese just acts that little more intimacy in a conversation, esp with your close friends?
And its not just the usage of Chinese as a language. All the Chinese customs, food, culture... all that I can't leave behind.
I need to have regular contact with friends who are more 'traditional' in their outlook towards life, to stay grounded.
That's prob why I'm gonna come back after my studies. And why my mum insisted she wanted me to be born here in Singapore. (I was 'conceptualised' in England. Prob would haf turned out quite different if i was born there.)

Ah well. Had a great time today. Thanks babe! :)