Hi I am a fucking idiot

i'm back

idk i think i need a space where i can babble a lot but so far none of the platforms are enticing enough

and i suddenly felt the urge to spruce this place up

here i go

actually my main point is that I've been listening to Paramore's playlist on Spotify (spotify is so good)

THEIR NEW ALBUM IS SO GOOD?

and then the playlist started playing the older songs, the really rock kind, and then i got the feels

just a tinge of nostalgia, couldn't feel that muchof it cos i'm so tired from work lol

which kinda reminded me that this blog exists(ed) so i'm here hi /waves an awkward hi/

and just realised how good of a band paramore is...??? like all their songs are actually really good quality even if they aren't exactly catchy, to me

lots of shit happened in my life btw and i literally just realised how important it is to have a blog somewhere, because... I am obviously feeling a lot better that i feel like writing something talking to this blog like someone who cares its been tough har har fuck

yeah made me question how i would have survived all those years if i hadn't had this platform. and also i realise how important this shit is to me. It contains everything. Like I would read this back for fun and reminisce. I legit so would.

but anyhoo bye i will update when i do

As with all things in life, everybody and everything moves forward. Some glide, some soar, some slide and some crawl. Whether or not you trudge through your insecurities, or swim through your buttery smooth life. Regardless of personality, physical traits and inherent characteristics.

I am no exception.

I haven't gave this old friend of mine a long-awaited update, and I sincerely apologise for that. I haven't wished my readers a fulfilling and wonderful new year, and I genuinely apologise for that as well. I have moved on, and probably won't be updating this anymore, any longer. I am sorry for making my readers (if I do have any) hanging on a cliff, and coming back time and time again to empty promises of a new post. (I could be the next Natalie Tran, I know I know)

And as my old friends, you would no doubt understand that I am perpetually grappling with procrastination and hence, this... arrived eons late.

This blog holds dear memories of mine (of a long approximate 10+ years); too embarrassing to read, yet too painful to let go. I will keep this blog up for as long as I can and I don't think I would ever erase this from the face of virtual reality. It records my growth and development and many other anecdotes of my life worthy (and unworthy) of being recorded down. And as one who is interested in anthropology and believes every story big or small should be documented, leaving this intact is probably the best thing I can do for this companion I had always been returning to, rain or shine.

I won't deny that the lacklustre usability of the blogger mobile app is one major factor pushing me to migrate to another platform, but you would be happy to know that even with a (competitor's) mobile app, I simply can't write/type a proper post on my handphone. Some things never change I guess.

But I have moved on.

But I will never let go.

I hope this brings as much closure to the blog and myself as well, as I embark on the next phase of my life. Till we meet again.

Talking to one of my sergeants made me realise how dumb I am. We talked about Chinese history and politics and while I was interested, my knowledge was so lacking it frustrated me. All I could do was sit there and listen, while he talked animatedly. He knew a lot more stuff about Singapore and Malaysian politics (which I had COMPLETE ZERO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT)

I know all that 'you don't need to compare yourself to others be happy with who you are' truism but you don't improve unless you compare or have someone as a reference point. I feel like I'm contradicting myself. I feel so useless

I need to buck up, seriously. Start reading shit like that so I can at least contribute . and I need to learn how to write well as well. I cannot transfer all my incoherent thoughts onto paper how am I gonna survive uni. u___u

On a side note, I realize once I make new friends I become so reliant it scares me. I hate putting all my eggs in one basket because I becomes so helpless when our friendship breaks down. I'm so pathetic.