I'm Still Alive and Flying the Friendly Skies

Although I referenced a Pearl Jam song in the title I have to tell you that I can no longer stand Pearl Jam. In 1992 I loved the 10 cd, but now 17 years later Pearl Jam has produced nothing of significance and much like the word "Kardashian," every song from the 10 cd has worn out it's welcome in my mind. If Pearl Jam comes on the radio I cannot change the station fast enough.

Hopefully blogging hasn't worn out it's welcome in my mind. I'm posting today just to stay connected. After my post about running away I figured I might post just so you don't think that I actually did go off the deep end, although it was tempting. I think that perhaps after a work trip that was part vacation I got back to my day to day routine and it just sucked the life out of me. After 4 days where everything was light and carefree, returning to my daily responsibilities has bogged me down mentally and until I regain my equilibrium where I have the emotional energy to handle my days and write sarcastic stuff, I may not have a lot of creativity here. But, let me tell you about a weird couple on my flight home last week...

So, when checking in for any flight I routinely ask if the exit row seats are already filled. The reason being is that if you're flying coach, standard seating doesn't have enough leg room for anyone who isn't a member of the Lollipop Guild. The exit rows however are very spacious and often last filled by passengers whom the airline employees deem able bodied enough to help people out in the event of an emergency landing. Being the strapping young buck that I am, I always pass this test.

So I amble down the aisle to my seat. It turns out it's in the middle of the exit row. Two people are already sitting there. One by the window. One on the aisle. They're married. I assume the airline made a mistake but these two didn't have the assertiveness to speak up and ask to be seated next to each other. I offer to allow one to switch seats so they can sit together. They refuse. The airline wasn't in error. They don't want to sit next to each other on a 2 1/2 hour flight. They chose to force a complete stranger to sit between them.

Are you freakin' kidding me?!!? How weird is that? "Frank, did you take your pill?" "Frank could you hand this to the stewardess?" "Frank take your pill now." "Sorry we have to talk across you." No, you didn't have to talk across me! You could have just effing moved over so you weren't inconveniencing a handsome and charming but complete stranger! What the hell is wrong with you two? Do you do this on every flight you go on? I'm reporting you to Homeland Security. I don't care that you despise each other so much that you can't rub elbows for two hours. Try to act normal in public and then go home and sleep in your separate bedrooms! I think airlines need to start separating the cabin by social skills.

Remember my Escapist Fantasy Post?

Remember my Escapist Fantasy post from Aug. 30th? I said that sometimes I feel like I want to get away from it all because it feels like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders:



Well...I toook this plane:



And flew to this place:



And did this!



And I'm never going back! And if anyone tries to find me I'm going to drive away in this car:

Doppleganger

Doppelganger: German for "double walker", a shadow self that is thought to accompany every person. Some believe that only someone who knows the original person can also see the Doppelganger. Still others subscribe to the "evil twin" theory that doppelgangers behave in a manner directly opposite to the original person.

As of this writing, the world population is roughly 6,783,648,144. Is it possible that somewhere out there is another carbon copy of each of us? Are they living a parallel life somewhere else? Or, if each of us has both male and female genes, could we have a doppelganger of the opposite sex? Do we ever meet or see our own doppelganger? If we did and they were the opposite sex, would we be attracted to them? Would they be our "soul mate"? Or would it be more of a brother/sister feeling?

If the "evil twin" theory holds true, what do we do, knowing that the more good we do in life, the more evil our doppelganger will perpetrate? If we save a life, our doppelganger would take a life. If you met your evil twin, what would you do if you knew they were evil? If your evil twin is bent on destroying you, could you kill your own doppelganger? Would doing so destroy you both? Do we need a doppelganger? A balance? A cosmic yin and yang that makes the world go round?

How do we know that we are actually not the doppelganger? The shadow self for someone else? Could you be the evil twin and not know it?

This whole thing gives me a serious novel idea. I got dibs, so don't even think about it. And if I did have a female doppelganger, you know she would be really hot.

"I Love the Change of Seasons"

The picture here was my Saturday night. It is how I wish every evening could be spent. Sitting outside on a warm summer night. I know that most of you "love the change of seasons," but I'm not one of those. To me and the rest of the United States, Labor Day symbolizes the end of summer. To some this means changing leaves, cooler temperatures, and cocooning with family. To me the end of summer means shorter days, fewer opportunties to enjoy the outdoors, and work. Lots of it. And also since it's colder it Fall means I have to wear more clothes. With a body like mine, why cover it up?

Yeah, the leaves changing color are pretty, until my lawn is three inches deep in them and I'm speding two days filling over a dozen leaf bags. Then there's that whole winter thing. Some have espoused the virtues of fires in the fireplace, cuddling, snow angels, and snuggling. Or...you could see bitter cold, shoveling feet of snow from the driveway just so you can leave the house. Layers of clothes, specific footwear, and hats which just totally ruin my hair for the day.

I like sunshine and warmth. I don't have to shovel sunshine or scrape it off the windows of my car every time I just want to run to the corner store. Sunshine and warmth doesn't require a special wardrobe. Sunshine and warmth doesn't knock out my power for hours. This being the case, I dress for success. You know how they always tell you to dress not for the job you have but the job you want? I dress for the weather I want. It is usually deep into winter before I finally acknowledge the season has beaten me once again and I finally begin wearing a warmer coat. I don't cave on the hat however. Nothing messes with the 'do. Enjoy your change of seasons, but I plan to ignore it in hopes that it will go away. I don't mean to sound like a seasonal Scrooge, but in the Northeast where I live summer is so fleeting I don't want to let it go.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

For the most part bloggers are creatures who express ourselves with language. Occasionally we supplement our posts with pictures, some more effectively than others. But rare is the blogger who speaks only in images. One of my long time favorites is such a blogger. My blog has existed for over 4 years and very nice woman from New Zealand named Dzeni has been visiting my blog almost that long and in return I've been visiting hers as well.

Quietly and without fanfare or drama Dzeni has been posting pictures, designs and fractals she creates on her computer. She posts a new one daily. I visit and enjoy her artistry, amazed at what she does with an apparently endless stream of ideas, brilliant creativity, and technology. I have the same technology at my disposal that she does, and yet I'd be lucky to make a recognizable stick figure with the Paint program. Most of the time I can't even figure out how to use a new font. And each comment I leave is immediately responded to with an e-mail with a kind word of thanks. And I do mean immediately. I'm not sure how many hours difference there are between here and New Zealand, but she is seriously right on it.

If you have an extra minute each day make Dzeni a part of your blog rounds and enjoy something a little different.

To Yield or Not To Yield? That Is The Question

The sign to the right here is symbolic of everything that is wrong with the United States. Yes, that's right, everything. "State Law: Yield to Pedestrians in Crosswalk." Is this in anyone elses state? These signs started popping up in New York about two years ago. At first I thought they were just a small town thing. You know, those little towns without a stoplight and just one general store that is as much a social center as a place to shop for essentials. I can see these signs in towns where life moves slower and a motorist is just as apt to stop their vehicle to chat with a pedestrian about Edith's gout and the weather.

I would be fine if these little traffic impediments limited themselves to towns where Amish buggies share the road with cars, but that's not the case. Like an ivy that seems harmless at first, these laws and signs have crept into my city and town and are choking traffic. I can hardly finish a text without a half dozen stops and starts for people who suddenly believe that their soft, fleshy 150 lbs. are suddenly impervious to the might of my 3000 lb. death mobile hurtling towards them at 40 mph.

Don't get me wrong, in general I'm not in favor of running down pedestrians with my car, but let's have some common sense. This is a dangerous law. "But Phil," you say, "how is it dangerous? It seems like it is meant to protect people." Yes, it is meant to protect people, but from what? From their own stupidity. Why should we train people that it's OK to step off the curb without looking? Without consequence?

Now, children will grow up believing that it's just fine to run into a road. People don't need to get more comfortable with traffic, but less comfortable. With drivers busy eating, talking on cell phones, texting, and watching their GPS for the next turn pedestrians need to be on their toes constantly regardless of what the streeet sign says. This law goes against Darwin's evolutionary theory. It used to be that only the strong and smartest survived to procreate. Now with laws like this that protect the stupid people, everyone gets to survive and procreate! Do we really need more people who aren't smart enough to yield to a speeding car? I imagine years from now we will need to invent hover cars because our Earthbound roads will just be clogged with dolts crossing the street all day just because they can.