Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow...

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? I am, and it's pissing me off. I live in upstate New York. I was fine with things in general until about two days ago. Then winter arrived. A friend accused me of being a "grouch" for not enjoying this sudden turn of events. This person romanticized the winter weather, espousing the joys of making snow angels, frolicking in the snow and holding mittened hands with a loved one. That is exactly how they do it on T.V. isn't it? It does look fun in all those romantic comedies when the smitten couple builds a snowman together and then has the flirtatious snowball fight. Unfortunately, the winter the rest of us are stuck frolicking in is not in a warm studio where teamsters sprinkle dry, cottony snow on us from the rafters. The real life winter is damned cold. I'm pretty sure that if I'd ever hit one of my dates in the face with a snowball she would probably call the police on me and sex would definitely be out. At least on that date. Don't get me wrong, I may be a grouch about the cold, but I am not a Scrooge about the holidays. I love the holidays, except for.....

Unusual Things I'm Thankful For

Here it is, my annual list of unusual things I'm thankful for. Feel free to add some of your unusual thanks in your comments. I'd love to hear them.

1. Global warming. Before you and Al Gore leave a nasty comment, hear me out. Each year more people die from cold than from heat. If the globe is warmer, more people survive. Also with the polar ice caps melting we have more water available that, with a little effort and technology, can be diverted to drought stricken areas. If the globe is warmer, we in the North will be using less fossil fuels to heat our homes. The furor over global warming is just a media firestorm fad. I challenge Al Gore to a debate. Without global warming he would suddenly become irrelevant, and so he continues to stoke the fire.

2. Starbuck's I developed a Starbuck's jones this past year. And no, it's not all that expensive unless you're ordering something like a non-fat, half-caf, latte mochachino, double shot espresso. At Starbuck's you're paying for words. The more words in your order, the more it will cost. I just get a small coffee and I'm not broke yet.

3. Morning Insomnia. I have a problem. The first step is admitting it. I'm up by 5:30 every morning. I'm not sure what that is in metric or Canadian time, but it's damn early here. My brain just turns on and I'm up. Without this little problem I'd never get any writing done here or elsewhere. It's my only time of peace and quiet in the day.

4. My blogger friends. Despite all the bad publicity that MySpace and Facebook get, I've met nothing but nice people through this blog and the internet. Thank you for continuing to visit and responding to my inane thoughts.

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Things To Do Before I Die

1. Learn to speak Spanish fluently.
2. Become a published author.
3. Learn to ride a unicycle.
4. Go sky diving.

What's on your list?

The People at the Gym

I belong to a gym. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but I do. My gym is part of a big, national chain. I think there must be some sort of law that was passed, undoubtedly by congress, that states that the more popular a gym is, the louder the music has to be. In fact, if you were to notice only the music and people on cell phones you'd think you were out at a club. I'll be damned if I can find someone to give my a beer though. That's why I fill my water bottle with beer before I go. There are several different people that go to a gym. I think that the smallest number belong to the group of normal people who go to the gym a few times a week just to stay in decent shape. That's the group I'm in. The next group are the what I call "The Bicep Bunch." (Just imagine the theme song, "The Bicep Bunch, the Bicep Bunch, that's the way we became the Bicep Bunch!") The Bicep Bunch has a uniform too. It consists of work boots, denim jeans and a black muscle shirt. They literally walk around the gym in groups of several guys in this identical outfit. I call them the Bicep Bunch because they're only interested in working out their upper body in hopes of impressing women. Not that impressing women is a bad goal. In fact I've dedicated my life to it. Then, there are the women at the gym. Some of them scare me. When women start doing things like wearing weight belts and bench pressing, doing pull-ups, and curls, I get a little scared about getting too close. I want no part of a pre-menstrual woman who has more muscle mass than me. That is not a safe combination. Then there are the "Three-weekers." I call them this because they probably won't use their membership for more than three weeks before they realize that exercise is hard work and they give up, never to be seen at the gym again. You can always spot one of the three-weekers because they are so clueless about exercise that they actually accept the complimentary session with the personal trainer so they can learn how to use the equipment. A group of gym members I hate are the locker room nudists. These are the people who are obviously way too comfortable with their bodies. For God's sake, put on a towel when you walk from the shower back to your locker! And do not, under any circumstances, talk to ME while you are naked. We're not that intimate! As is any other place in society these days, the gym is also full of cell phone people. I have no freakin' idea how they can even hear anyone on their cell phones over the din of the music. The only exercise these people are getting is exercising their mouths. I'm sure they can't do real exercise because they're so winded from talking. It's always a temptation to drop a big weight on these dopes.