you make me miss your Sweet-Smile?
I didn't talk alot (i think) and go all wacky like yesterday.
But i enjoyed the 'observing and taking it all in' moments i had.
i had a blast especially until the end of the day.
i miss coming home real late.
hah. the sneaking out thing.
it works well so far.
yups!
--
you didn't dissapoint me yesterday.
--
everytime we kiss i swear i could fly..
Ujang's Family(This is like only half of the family mind you)
Its beautiful.Amazing trip despite some drama faced.
Well things can never run perfectly like how u plan.that i know.
Alhamdulilah.
The whole wedding run amazingly well despite all those.
Kak Nor definitely look absolutely gorgeous.
Now one cousin down and alot alot alot more to go.
Welcome abang Nizam to the ever growing cousins and
the Ujang's family.He's definitely overwhelm by our
presence(there were alot of us), our love, our kecohness and
alot more of our nonsense.purfect.
I'm back for good.now that's good too.
I definitely miss things here.
Now missing kampung already.
It's a tiring holiday i can say.
Not relaxing at all.But i'm definitly happy.
That's good enough knowing that my happy days
are limited.haha.
--
Tomorrow is 28th.Never to forget.
A happy birthday to my brother.
Muhammad Farhan Fawzi
Loving you more each day.
Down at Kampung Negeri sembilan..Bahau
The wedding Day(girls side)
Good old times with the family
Wedding Day 2..at Perak*Teluk Intan*(guys side)
jus the two of us back home togetherrr...
okay.it's seven.i should be out by now.but i want to do this first.
i'm off.To KL.Like in half and hour time.
anytime soon.and i'm leaving everything good that i
have right here.but this is my time.
This is not so much of a holiday.But a wedding trip.
But hopefully going back to where i came from(sort of) takes
my mind off of things that bothers me alot.Hopefully being
away makes everything fall back to its own place right like
how it started.like cool things off a lil'.it's be great.hopefully.
and maybe you'll learn to stand on your own and try to depend on
your own self.
absence makes the heart grows fonder.you will learn to appreciate
thing when its gone.so this is the time.yes.maybe.
learn something.
we should.
so miss me good people.
i'll be back for more.
of you and i.
pray for my safety.
takecare while i'm gone.
.random updates.
'the holidays' movie.personally i like it.much.very much.
typical maybe.but yes.for someone like me.i think its not just fair.
its good.
yes.i did.i did cry.because its hopelessly swwweeeeeeeeeeet.
nice to have a shoulder to cry on as i watched.
much love.
yes.i went to orchard.yes of course with the guys.
good.at least i get to see the christmas preps down at town
before going off.lovelies.(despite the weather)
talking about weather...
weather's been somehow down.at times it feels great actually.the rain.how the cold wind blows
how the air feels fresh as you breathe in.cool your soul?mayb.jus great.jus what i need.but on days..it feels down.
really down.like its crying for you.or maybe with you.yah.sad.for some,it makes us cancle our plans due to that.really sad.
hrm.weather hasnt been on our side.
its nice to just sleep.
tug in to bed early with the cool wind.
jus great.
(oh please give me sun shine on 28th)
-----
can you miss me like i miss you?
Gosh!Yesterday was the last day of school.Finally.
Its holidays.The holiday session.
I wait since forever for this.I seriously dont
give a fuck how bad i did for the test.For now, i need this.
So bad.
Exhausting day yesterday.Been outside from 8am till 11pm is
super tiring.Especially when i slpt like 3am the night before.
I went from going to my grandma's place to the expo to the airport to
send my cousins off to India then to having late dinner.
---
I've been fighting this war within me recently. It seems that the more i pushed myself to the limit, i kept losing my battles. Taking one step forward and moving 3 step back.If i were watching right for afar, i would probably see the way my shoulders sag, my eyes lowered as i walk, how i up to the sky in search of hope ,on occasion a smile on my lips that doesn't quite reach the eyes, a song on the radio that i listen to intently without blinking, lest with the next blink should drop a tear that seems to be standing guard.Sometimes these feelings come and go.Sometimes I chase it away, i scare it off, i even laugh at it, most of the time i pretend i don't see it like a wild cat chasing after me.When i do that it goes away for a week or two but it always sniffs me back. And each time the madness in his eyes looks different. Sometimes i fight it, sometimes i let it consume me.
Last night i slept in darkness.Total,black darkness. Cry myself to sleep.I closed my eyes and hoped for so much til i lost count of my own words, til i drifted to an abyss as deep as the gaping hole in my soul.
Yesterday wasn't the limit until he text.It somehow help.Alot.Thanks kacang!
maybe he's right.I am thinking too much.but mayb not.
oh for fuck sake.quit making me wait.
anything that is gonna come my way is
going to make me squeeze the shit out of them.
How about walking aimlessly under the dark night.talking about anything and everything under the sky.egos set aside as we lay on the breakwater and star-gaze .i smiled as he carved a smile on his lips.a smile that allow me to fall in love with him all over again.a smile that is the most beautiful that i've ever seen.that makes me the most luckiest person in the world to be blessed with his gift.
We look into each others eyes and look straight into our hearts.his mysterious and beautiful eyes look at me like i'm the most beautiful person he ever saw.it tells me everything that i need to know.i know from that very moment i never want to take my eyes off his.never want to even blink.i know i never want to lose him.
Never.again.
Everything has been falling into its own place.As in everything its going just like the way i wanted.In my life of course.It gets scary sometimes,because i'm contented right now and i'm not going to take it well if i'm facing any setbacks anytime soon.I dont want anything to change at the moment.Nothing at all.You know things just keeps spinning and life has been all good and are on my side for quite sometime now and its scaring me because its as of its giving you all the good things before letting you face your GREATEST turning point of your life.Gosh.Now that ain't good at all. My happy days are limited.Dont take it away from me.
Please...
---
It's currently 2.45am.Bloody.you might be wondering why am i not asleep yet.i'm tired but not sleepy and my mind keeps on wandering.and plus plus i'm having negative thoughts.sheesh.stop it already.and now i'm missing a whole bunch of people.
i'm missing my diva,along.
my brother.my beautiful gemok sister.
my gorgeous cousins.my darling biskut.
my soverykental girlfriend,Dee.my bitch partner ili.
my idiotic pompan joget.my sweet bijan.
and yah.
and soon enough i'm gonna miss alot of things.
ugh.especially when i'm away.
-why am i feeling gloomy again?
i haven't written a real post in a while actually.As in 'real' about anything and everything.
i seriously feel that sometimes i write for the sake of it.Just to update myself.Tell others what's going on in my life then to write about what i really want to say/write.I've been rather nice with my words too.As in no cursing,no bitching and all sorts.Not a good sign la!?
But nevermind.Maybe i've been busy lazy to blog already.
Ouh speaking of busy.Damn!Exams are like NEXT WEEK!My Term Test to be exact.
Gosh.Dont exactly know why i make fuss about it as tho i've never taken one in a while.
But I hate exams and test and all.It makes me study and be all hardworking and its not me at all.It'll make me go sick to my stomach not being able to be myself and it really make me want to shit and puke at the same time.I hate maths like nuts especially.Even more now.(now that i need to take Engineering Math).I seriously can't wait for the next year.Where there'll be NO math at all.haha!
Now all i care about is for holidays to come.
Can't wait for Christmas.New year and all.
I want more Sleep.
take me away...
to a place for jus you and i..
where we can get a piece of each other..
away from the whole world where they never fail to talk..
away to a place where we have our peace and serenity..
hold on to this hand of mine..
hold it tight like u never wanna let go..
grip it hard like you're not gonna see me again..
then lead me to somewhere i know i will not lose you...
lead me to the altar and tell me you wanna spent the rest of your life with me..
will you be the other half of me?
----
happy feet rawks?!
wohhoo...
If my eyes were window to my soul, will people ever see the pain in me?
will they?
will you?
--
Don't look me in the eyes if you wanna tell me nothing.
For I know they meant something.
They mean alot of things.
Today start out real bad.
Coming back home yesterday at 2am and end up
sleeping at 4am doesn't seem too good.
But I never denied the fact that it was somehow beautiful.
It was a great day.
Oh, let's just talk a lil bit more about the after Production(Pesta Ria 06' "unforgiven") dinner.
It went beautifully well.Gorgeous as usually.I didn't really get to see all of them.As in meet and sit with them.It felt a lil' weird.I only get to meet some of MY cast.
It wasn't so lepak after all act.I want a real lepak session with them all.I want a real.For real lepak outing where we can scream and shout and enjoy and spent quality time together.Hopefully we'll come out with one plan soon.Maybe.Hrm.Maybe.
Now well enough said about that.Well today at school start out not too well like i said.
I was sleepy.Damn sleepy.I really dont wish to get out of bed.
But i did.Then an unexpected early bird call came as a bonus.Good to hear actually.Somehow lift a lil' of the spirit.Easy on the heart.hrm.Okay So as a whole.School was tiring.I think my brains work harder today than any other day.
Today too was "TP rawks!".
Besides watching Hady Mirza at TCC.
My gorgeous dramatech mate had their performance too for TP rawks!
I love it to bits.It was impressive.Like i say.I'm dramatech biggest fan sia.Haha.Damn proud of them.
Okay sidetracks (Happy Birthday Hinna!Love you loads)
Being my idiotic self.I glamourously cheered for them.The performance was excellent.
I love them to bits.I love the performance seriously.Beautifully haunting.
Then after my Freach class with Mr Jerome[ :) ], had dinner with hid's mate.It went pleasantly well.I miss them actually.
It's been a while since i met them.It works a lil to take my mind off some things.
Now that sums up what happen for two days.
Alot eh?hrmmm....
Good.
---
Thanks biskut.
wow.
i hate it how fast time flies so fast.
Gosh.
recently for me it has come to a point where i realise
i'm exhausted!
I was too tired to care.to listen.to appreciate and love.
It is because things come and go and it all went by too quickly.
I found myself failing.
Fail to keep up.
To catch up.
To do what i'm surpose to do.
I fail to stop and take a deep breathe before moving on.
Now i found myself completely exhausted.
My work has taken its toll on me.
BUT
I love what i'm doing.
Its how i wanna live my life.
so i have to learn to handle it.
And now...
i have something to look forward for day after day...
Beautiful.
Now i need to take a chill pill.
To learn to relax.
.Rewind.Stop.Forward.Pause.
.time wait for no man.
---
I love you is that okay?
Alhamdulillah...
Hari semalam..
Hari yang ditunggu-tunggu...
Masa berlalu dengan pantas..
Tak aku sedari pementasan sudah hampir kepenghujungnya..
Sedang aku sebuk berlari diblakang pentas..
Titisan airmata kegembiraan menggalir apabila padam lampu selepas selesai babak terakhir.
Aku sempat bersujud syukur.Ini lah apa yang aku impikan...
Aku mengeluh.Keluhan bukan hanya keluhan penat lelah.
Tapi keluhan pabila terdengar tepukan gemuruh
menandakan penghargaan selepas pementasaan itu.
SEtiap apa yang dilakonkan dan dikatakan diatas pentas
seolah-olah setiap kertas script yang aku tulis hapus..
Hanya tinggal kenangan yang pahit mahupun manis...
Hari semalam..
Hari yang teramat gembira untuk aku...
Hari yang menjadi kebanggaan aku..
Aku bangga dengan kejayaan kita bersama..
Melalui detik-detik pahit bersama..
Detik-detik yang manis bersama..
Aku bangga dengan pencapaian semua..
Mendaki bersama hingga kemenara kejayaan...
----
Bagi pengarah produksi ini..
Aku terutamanya bangga dengan pencapaian pelakonku..
Walaupun dikutuk mahupun ditegur mahupun dicaci betapa tidak
hebatnya quality lakonan mereka..Tapi bukan itu penghalangnya..
Sifat tidak berputus asa dan sifat tidak malu bertanya membuat mereka
berjaya menghiburkan ...berjaya membawakan watak yang diberi dalam masa yang singkat
dengan penuh keyakinan..They have made it look easy when i know what pain they go through to get where they are.Aku bangga dengan Hidayu.Liyana.Zizie.Izzad.Dinah.Zailani.Isa.Ilaizah.Asnurizan.Hanan.Lutfie.
Hilmi.Farhana.Suryana.Farna.
.Aku menghargai kerja keras korg semua.Pahit Manis sewaktu berkerja dengan korg.I've seen you grown through this production.I've seen you shine yesterday.Shine like stars.You made me really proud.You deserve the great applause yesterday.It's all for you.It's YOUR SHOW!momma's proud of euuu!
Bagi orang kuat produksi ini, seperti Khaldun yang tersayang.Ketabahan kau aku tabik.Apa yang kau lakukan dari permulaan tiada tandingan.Aku bangga kerana dapat berkerja sama dengan kau.Aku menghargai segalanya yang telah kau korban kau.Kau deserve a great puji-pujian.Kau adalah tulang belakang aku.Kita share banyak stress bersama dan dari itu I thank euu a million for that.
Bagi Ahmad.Kau la orang yang banyak melakukan segala-galanya.Tanpa kau dan khaldun this wouldn't have run smoothly.Seriously.Working with you is a bless.Bagi Safwan,kau adalah orang kuat aku.Tanpa kau..ceritaku tak akan hidup.It wouldn't have been spectacular.Arfian,kau la strength aku.Walaupun nampak pada mata kasar betapa relek nye kau sewaktu membuat kerja.Tapi itu la cara tersendirimu.Sewaktu saat-saat kritikal apabila ada masalah, ur cool presence reminded me to take things slow.For that i thank you.Hydil,kau la support aku yang palling kuat sewaktu aku buntu dalam mengendali kan kerja ku.We've work together alot and i can't work with anyone better then you walaupun kekadang kau MIA.Anas, you've help me alot especially dalam props kerusi meja.Nyayian kau yang power.Menghidupkan penyajak.Magnificent jobs anas.
For the rest of the crew,di belakang tabir yang tanpa korang produksi ini tidak akan menjadi at all.
Musfirah.You made it look easy as tho you've been doing this all along.Thank you for making it look simple and making things happen.Fidy, you made it all gorgeous on the real day.It's amazing.Truly amazing.Nura,sharifah mahani thanks for making everyone look beutiful.I love euu.Ain;Orang kuat ticketing kita.Great jobs with the audience.Aishah;Beutiful hosting job.Raziman;great presence.Amir(Wak)Lovely silat performers. My rockers,My stage hands and runners,kompang boys,spotlight guys.Thank you for being a part of us.As much as i appreciate ur presence i hope korang semua rasa bahagia bersama kita.
Bagi semua yang menjayakan produksi ini.Fifi ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih.
Especially kepada Panjy Sry Temasek.Kak Nana,Titisan Temasek.TP Dramatech.Bagi sedikit sebanyak membantu bagi menjaya kan ini semua.Ribuan terima kasih yang tak terhingga dari Director Pesta Ria 06' " Unforgiven".
Pementasan semalam banyak cacat celanya.Banyak kekurangannya.Dari itu saya ingin meminta ampun dan maaf atas segala kekurangan dalam pementasan semalam.Bukan itu yang kami ingin. Dari itu bagi yang datang untuk menyokong mahupun hanya mahu menonton.Harap ada terhibur.Tanpa yang menonton tiada la kami.Saya menghargai kedatangan anda.Support anda adalah kunci kejayaan kita.
Tarikh 18th November 2006.Adalah hari yang bermakna bagiku.
FieFee.
(Stepped down)
Director
Pesta Ria 06'
Aku sayang korang.
Bagi bdk-bdk AMPR 05'...terima kasih kerana terima aku menjadi sebahagian daripada korang.
Pementasan Anak Melayu Pasir Ris.(AMPR)
18th November,Temasek Polytechnic..Auditorium 1.
Hari yang di nanti-nanti kan...
Hari penentuan bagi segalanya...
Bukan hanya untuk membuktikan kepada semua..
Tapi juga kepada diri sendiri..
DariNya kita memohon...
supaya diberikan ketabahan yang lebih..
supaya semuanya berjalan dengan lancar dan terbaik..
supaya apa yang telah diusahakan berbaloi..
mudah-mudahdan diberkati allah..direstui...
Insya'allah...
Bagi pengarah production ini..Harapan saya
ialah supaya usaha dan kerjasama kami semua
membuahkan hasil..hasilnya ada apabila yang datang
menyokong mahupun sekadar menonton terhibur dan dapat diterima.
Cerita disebalik apa yang dipentaskan mempunyai maksud yang lebih
mendalam.Dengar dan menghayati la.Tonton la dengan hati yang ikhlas dan terbuka.
Maksud itu bergantung kepada individu yang datang menonton...
Dari itu..cerita yang dipentaskan tiada kaitan pada yang hidup mahupun yang mati
Tidak bermaksud untuk menyindir mahu pun mengutuk.Tapi sekadar pengajaran.
Suatu cerita yang berat untuk dipentaskan.Tetapi alhamdulilah.Saya tidak janji pementasan yang hebat.Tetapi pementasan yang ikhlas dari hati dan supaya keikhlasan itu ditonjolkan supaya menjadi pementasan yang elok dipandang.
Suatu pementasan yang amat saya banggakan.Bukan kerana betapa hebatnya persembahan tapi betapa hebatnya ketabahanan mereka.Betapa sayang yang mereka sesama sendiri.Betapa kukuhnya persahabatan mereka.Dari itu saya bangga menjadi sebahagian dari mereka.
Last but not least,
Doakan la daku...
Terima Kasih..
Salam Aidilfitri..
Maaf Zahir Dan batin
Supaya terhibur...
Time flies when i thought it stood still...
The days seem to move to slow..
Every ticking of the hours i saw the pages of my promises rips apart...
Leaving nothing but bitter sweet memories...
I held on to nothing..not you..not your words no more...
I shattered into small fragments of emotion..
Feel myself being blown to the fire aflame..
Got crushed in the bottle down under..
If i am a part of your dreams....
you will come back one day..
Why do i still have to face what i wanna let go..
Why? Why now?
Why now when i'm learning to give up?
Why now when i'm at my lowest self?
-----
Yesterday was beautiful.It was jalan raya day with the 'Titisan temasek' crew.I loike.Alot. Macam-macam kerenah.From all the crazy phototaking session.To the lame jokes session.The belo moments.The laughing adek abg session at Fatin's house with "selera keluarg" with the wackie and funny session at ijan's house.The running to Sis Fana's van.The Sardine dalam van time.Hydil nyer shawl moments.Haha.Gosh.So much for a day.
There were approximately 19 people when fifi, hidir and fana came along. We went from tampines to pasir ris to bedok to bedok res to hougang and all the way to teck whye.It was superduperly tiring but great.Thank fana and hidir for the ride in their van.Cool shit.
Altho macam sardine dekat belakang.But we had FUN.(Thanks Fana and Hidir)That's the most important part.
Ili's house was super gerek sia.Altho yang tinggal hanya 7 people.(Me,hydil,hid,fifi(Firdaus),sufi,wani and fahrul)I love it ever so dearly much.Lagi lagi adek die, Trishia.So adorable.And the important part was..that there's a graf. design on her living room wall.Damn big and beautiful.It was amazing.Apa lagi tak abes-abes sia posing uh..It was so a design house.
Yesterday too was an emotional day.Esp malam.When hidir cam talking about Sidek.We even sempat rush to Tampines Mrt station to see Sidek before he go off back to camp.Gosh i swear i feel like crying when i saw him.After a less than 5 minutes hugs and kisses and a short photo taking session he had to go off.His msg to me was blardy emotional sia.And I was in tears when we had a convo. with hidir about Sidek.I felt so guilty.I dont know why.On why he was not jalaning raya with us.
Gosh.Sungguh menyedihkn.I just can't stop thinking about it.
hrmmm....
i promise i'll update when i get the picturesssss!woohhoo..
Love?
I dont know why at times it seems as though i know that very well.
Well enough to say out my opinion if someone care to ask.
Well enough to share what i thought was love to those whom i thought i did.
Well enough to tell others off if they give love a bad name.
Well enough to believe in it
But
At times..
It seemed as though i dont understand it at all..
I dont know the true meaning of it.
I dont know the truth behind love.
I dont know how come I believe in it but yet fear it as bad.
Ironic eh.
Well....
Time will tell.A conversation i heard over at a chill out session today shows me
something that one would be willing to go through.Just because of what he believe was love.
But at the end of the day.Still believe in it after being let down in the name of love.
Ironic but true.
Power of Love.
It's too powerful a word that fears not many.But me.
---
A late post.A very late post.
Well nevertheless, i still would want to do this.
A month to rejoice after a month of fasting.
I love ramadhan.I'll miss it ever so dearly much.
But syawal is here.A month that was give to us as a gift.
Well a great month to seek for forgiveness and to forgive.
Beautiful tradition.I loike!
Well people like me need this badly..people like me who at times find
it hard to apologize to people close to my heart.This is a time.A good time to do it.
So actually, I would love to take this oppurtunity to mohon ampun dan maaf.Zahir dan batin.
To everyone that knows me.This is not only to people that i love and hopefully love me as much.You know.I dont exactly have a very friendly face and many a times i have people not liking me because of the way i look.As in maybe i look arrogant or whathavethey.
Well, i would love to apologize to those u think that way. I would avoid it if i could.Trust me.
Well to all my lovely friends, I would love to sincerely and truthfully apologize kalau ada terkasar bahasa.terbiadap.terover.terguriskan perasaan tanpa disedari atau sebaliknya. Ampun dan maaf yerh.My mouth over the years have cause so much problem and i'm still trying to improve on it. Kita nie manusia biasa.Tak lari dari salah dan silap.I would avoid it if i could.Really.To those who haven't spent much time with me.Maaf yerh.I would love to if i could.You know i would.
Kepada yang lain.Mudah-mudahan pertemuan yang kerap ini akan mengukuhkan lagi persahabatan kita.Insya'allah.Amin.
So yah.Enjoy your hari raya yah.
Take Care everyone.
Spread some love.
Magus Luna II was a blast.
Despite getting..
" gosh fi you were awesome"
"i didn't know you could so act la"
"great job"
"that was your moment sia".....
I still do think i could have done better
I wanted to cry after the show.
Really..i felt as tho i let my group down.
I did the coaching and all..
but it's me who should have done way better than that.
I feel i've let them down.
But nevermind.Screw it!
I got all the advice i need.
I got compliments and all so..
It's over.
I need to move on..
Thank gawd Magus Luna II was
SPLENDID!
Most of the audience love it.
They enjoyed the show.
So i'm satisfied as a whole.
I'm all happy and glad.
Well,
I'm gonna miss waking up early.Getting dress to school for early rehersal.
Getting the sets ready.Joking and laughing around.Having the dancing moments with Hirzi and gang and Hinna.Playing musical chairs was a blast.Breaking fast session and talking about sensitive issues like weight and being ugly.Having lovely moments with Mas. Chatting and sharing session with my twin Fima.Joking and having inside jokes with Fadz.Idol moment with Fadz,me and Kay.Joking with the SM Ashwin.Mato and Jo.Talking and sharing session with my lovely and gorgeous "3 wishes" cast.Listening to Pria getting paranoid over her make-up.The rushing moments before full dress rehersal.Getting make up ready.Hearing pika's contagious laughter.Seeing hirzi disturbing harbi. Being entertain by Dil's guitar session and hearing Elias singing.Seeing Nadi Crew all calm and cool.And oh gosh so much more!
I missing those moment as i'm writing this.
Not that i'm not going to see them again or going to quit Dramatech..
but i mean you get fond of the production week you see.
We've gone through alot together.
In this week itself i feel that i've bonded with them like i never did.
I love them even more than i imagine.
It as beautiful experience.
Sigh.
Btw i would like to thank all of those who came to support.Be it even thru sms and all.
To Hid.Ferooze.Dee.Neng.Nad.Halimah.Iggy.
Shahdon(altho you didnt really get to see.its okay).
And the rest who sms.I shall mention a bit only.
Thanks for the advice and support guys.
For even believing in me.
It really mean alot to me.
To all cast,my 3 wishes gang and esp to the seniors of Dramatech.Thanks for your patience in
dealing with me and all.Your hardwork.Your advice especially.Teaching me what's right
and wrong.For having faith in me.I've learnt alot and have seen myself improving as a performer.
Thanks a million.
---
i love my dramatech crew.
i miss the Queen already.
(i was force to say i love hidayah *big2*)
Alrightey now.
It' s less then 24 hours to our performance.
Magus Luna II.
Our debut as a whole of Dramatech.
Whatever it is.
I love them.
Much!
And i love today.
The breaking fast session.
It made me realise that i'm not alone.
and even the most beautiful people i thot,
feels the same way.
Oh.why can't this freaking creature called human
just SHUT THE FUCK UP!
haiizzzz....
Well let's just not get distracted.
It's getting late and i need nothing but SLEEP!
So to all my gorgeous cast OF Mugus Luna II ...
break a leg tomorrow.
---
okay.while waiting for little miss yayah to shower i shall just update a post.
Had rehersal yesterday. But dont know why yesterday was the most tiring.
I came back havng muscles ache and all. Crap.Today was surposedly the worst.
Its the whole run today.Hrm. I'm getting worried. Tieing up loose ends are never easy.
Yesterday can't make it for Titisan session.It's workshop with Abg Anuar on scriptwritting.
How fun. But i miss the last part of it cos had to rush to do my tech run.Hrm.
Rehersal are always fun. But blardy tiring.
Charmaine brought Jack down for rehersal. Place in what look like a lunch box.She made me miss my momo. Jack was super duperly cute.I get a lil jumpy at first.Its been a while since i hold the little furry ball.haha.Oh bytheway Jack is a hamster.
haha
okok.scrap. i hafta leave now.
I'm late.
Going for rehersal.
Aite.
Shush! My debut performance is this saturday.
wohoo!
I woke up on the wrong side of bed today.
and of course i'm late for my meeting with my cast.
The weathers outside today is not good either.
Neither for the past few days.
Lately it's been hazey.
Not so good for the health.
I'm feeling more weak each day.
I've got ulcer in my mouth.
Making me eat lesser as the day pass.
hrmmm....
oh please dont let me fall sick.
i have my shows coming up...
I feel weirdly empty today.
I woke up with hid by my side was already bad enough.(hah.ok no)
And then to realise that i'm having a bad headache with a blardy ulcer in my mouth.
But of course that worsen the whole moody mood for a walk in town.
Due to this i had to cancel my plans with my bitches to head up town for a shop.
It doesn't get better since then after receiving a call
that my granduncle pass away.
A heartrending news.
Especially when mom start telling us what might have caused his death.
It saddens me how he could do that to himself.
It breaks my heart knowing that all this while he's been sick
And it definitely made me wonder how would the family manage it all.
With ramadhan passing by and two weeks plus to syawal..
i would have not been able to muddle it through well at all if it was me..
well...
tho i remind myself life is too short for anything
but then again..that has to be part and parcel.
sigh...
hurrai.
my computers back.which means i'm back.
and i can update more often yeah.
wow.damn.i miss so much.
I havn't written since what feels like forever.
so much has happen in life.
amazing stuff.
i can't ask for more than what i have right now.
its school holiday still now.
and its ramadhan.
a holy month.
great.
feels great.
---
okay.crap.
am late for rehersal.
--
oh i got a date today.
with hid and ehem.
k bye!
Today was nasty.
I hate it and am hating it as i'm writing this.
Thanks to dinee for this lappie that i'm using right now.
Dad really need to get me a lappie or a new computer.
It's really the time.
Today really showed the impatient side of me.
Super shitty.
ugh.
With so much to do and this computer is driving me craziiee!
okok enough.
Along is off yo NS today.
This morning.
I'm kindda sad.
hrmmm....
This saturday is Siddiq's turn.
haizzz....
Grrr....it's gonna be boring without them...
but nevertheless...we've gotta move on and have some fun..
(i hope so)
oh shit...
i'm surpose to eat with dinee...
ok gtg...will update when i got the new comp.hahaha
ok.
(now dinee looks bored sia)
as weird as it sounds, hear this..NICE GUYS makes me feel unusual..
Well,this does n0t go to all guys.Especially new dude i just know(that..they HAVE to be nice)
As in this imply to all of my guy friends who has been NICE or trying to be to me
lately for god-knows-whatever-the-reason-is.
Seriously it got me feeling odd.(and sometimes bothers me)
I mean this skeptical me always think that guys are never "that" nice
unless they what stuff from you but then again,
it might just be that,they have always
been nice and that i've never seen that side of them before.
Or maybe this is because most of the guys i hang out with speaks to me
in an 'ungentlemenly way' or sometimes if not most of the time ill-mannered way.
Or maybe i'm just thinking too much or.. i'm just being an annoying bitch.
I know some might just say.."so now it's wrong to be nice?"
my say is...
it's so NOT!but nice people some times bothers me.
(and now seeing me typing this makes me sound crazy?)
(huh?)
damn..now i really have to stop this.
i think this is happening because
i've been spending too much time with
mr ishallnotmentionhisname that call me 'kacang'.
grrrr......
----
okay.i just came back from watching BICARA.
at substation with the seniors.
okay.fucken shit i can't help TEATER ARTISTIK
with the FOH due to exams concern and other
stupid stuff.
besides that..i enjoyed the performance.
but it made me feel stupid..
khiasan nye terlalu mendalam.
i realised that i'm way behind in my language
that i had to read the english subtitles.
but all in all...i like how they brought the
'sejarah melayu' to the recent issue context.
i loike.
alot!
......
ok i'm tired.wanna go.
okay bye.
It's Fana's birthday bash down at East Coast.
The bbq party went awesomely well.I loike~
She's happy and so are we..
The lepak session at breakwater,the game session after the party,
the food not to forget is the hightlight i shall say.
I like the game the best.
Tho' i'm suffering from a bad migrane..
simply can't resist the fun-ness..
lup it to bits!
Farhanaah bday bash
Hidir and fana kene sabo
bday babe
sidek hiding before the surprise
me.ijanku dan hydilku
bbq time
me and hid
The day started out bad which then sum up how's my day today.
It all started with my organizer which i forgot to bring..
and my circuit analysis laboratory test that gave me a bad migrane..
to a dissapointing meet-up leading to feeling dejected.
It ended pretty averagely well after watching Khabi Alvida Naa Kehna at GV.
A love hindi film which left me speechless
It alleviate the numb feeling i had which is good.
It was a truly moving film with a slight fantasy character which i thot
that life would be ridiculously purrfect if such kind soul do exist.
(Of course it moved me,hidd,shida and ubaidah to tears)
As much as it's a good movie..i dislike the fact that it's far too hurtful to watch.
So much pain in the name of love.
I came out from the show having my heart shattered like as tho' it really happen to me.
damn i hate that feeling.
It has brought out the skeptic side of me.
hrmmm..
well...it has turn me into a more cynical bitch then before.
and that's not a very good sign.
and now that's worrying enough..
Okay.I know i've been saying that i am going to enlarged the font in this thing
within these past post but I have not been able to break out of this gleeful habit
of blinding people with ant-size writing.Besides there're people worst off than me.
Not only do they type minute-ly here but also in papers.
Well that's even torturing.
My minuscule prints is defintely an expressive art!
Ok.enough about handwriting.
It's been a while since i put up a reflective post.
On myself and my feelings.
Lately i've been writing on what's been happening and it's been good.
Good in a way that it's easy on the heart.yeah.
Or maybe
under certain circumstances
i rather things be left unsaid or MAYBE
i've expressed myself enough for the day
that posting about it is way too much.
so don't mind me yah.
till then.
adieu!
--
He was awake a long time before he remembered that his heart was broken.
----
I didn't forget...
Happy 18th Birthday Shiks!...
May today bring so much happiness to you
and to ur life ahead.May all that wishes
come true.Love ya girlfriend!
Until we meet..takecare.
*hugs*
PESTA PETI PUTIH
Yesterday was the last show for Pesta Peti Putih(PPP) conducted by ekamatra.
Head down with half of titisan gang to watch and support of course.
Everything went smoothly or i should say well.
Yesterday was left with Jurong JC, Pioneer JC and of course TP.
Tp was better then the grp yesterday.(for me la kan)
Since i did not catch the other show esp the one from NUS.
Not being bias or what so ever not.
But our quality of acting is much more impressive
the characters could be felt.
A good day yesterday.
After the show..as per normal.
we chilled out for talking session..but this time at mcD. with
Sidek(originally spelled as siddiq and by the newspaper saddiq)haha! and the rest.
AS usual..it ended up with me,hid,sidek,hidir and dessy till 4 am in the morn.
it ended rather well..
*wud a day*
-----
And so the results are out this evening...
Team Temasek won the overall competition..
besides for the best stimuli,best script, best production design...(if i'm not wrong eh)
yah!
KUDOS to them.
hopefully it's not only for themself...
but for Titisan temasek/Tp MAG.
Alhamdulliah..
*to the cast and crew of team temasek of PPP...GREAT JOB*
had Dramatech last evening.
it was a long day tho' class ended very early.
Met up the bitches for lunch then get on with Magus Luna's rehersal.
Audition was yesterday.
It turn out exactly like how i wanted it to.
Nobody knew alot of things went wrong at the very last minutes before
the audition.It was way crazy.Crazier than i thought it would be.
I was exhausted that i could hardly focus.
Never the less, we pull if off well.
Better than we rehearse.
Better than i expect them to be.
For once..i saw sincerity in our performance.
Yesterday wasn't all about script.
No one followed the script.
It all came from the heart.
It suddenly felt real.
Like we badly wanted this..
we got thru the audition..
we're in...
which then means more time needed to
polished up the script and rehearse.
One more month to go....
----
Guys, thanks for standing by me.Thanks for giving me the strength.
Thanks for giving me this oppurtunity to direct you people.
For once i enjoyed directing like i never did.
I lup u many many.
---
After debreifing..
Had a sharing session with Kay..
which is too long to tell & share it here..
maybe one day...
but it strike me there and then ...
that this is not just about acting and performing
and teather...it's about making a difference..
it's about performing with utmost sincerity..
most passion..
about being impactful..
to the world and anyone watching...
that is where i wanna head into..
that is what i wanna work upon..
that is what i'll improve and achieve to be..
maybe someday..
i'll make a difference..
maybe..
wow..
didn't get to update for AGM and all..
but however.alhamdulilah it's over.
i'm glad.
it all turned out good i say.
atleast it was for me as a host and my titisan gang.
kudos to them.
never been prouder.
a good energy starter and a good leg soaking
at our very own fountain after the show
ends it all well..
i like it so very the much..
wells..
one down,
a couple more production and performance to go..
despite all those i need to find time..
find more time to study, catch up with some sleep,
do some shopping and of course catch up with myself.
okay.that's all for now...
will post up so pics when my computer
is not so very lag..
fcuk!
it's funny how everything felt real..
how it gives butterflies in my tummy..
that then crafted a smile in my lips..
it's funny how that palm of yours fitted mine...
it's as tho' these spaces within my fingers
were made jus to fit yours..
how puurfect if it was true..
BUT it lasted not so very long..
as our fingers set free..
it feels as tho i was detached from another world
a world where everything seems right..
all i know was i didn't want it to end..
for i know that's my only chance..
for a moment it feels like i've achieved something..
something that others might find it hard to accept..
BUT
it soon it ended when reality strikes..
for i know that it meant nothing..
nothing at all...
*it's funny how that grip gives me so much strength...*
---------
me.hid.fana.raudah.fatin
cam effect of yazid and sidek
cast and some crew of kato-kato...(kudos guys!)
us and the front of house people
us by the bay after the show...
i'm dead tired.
busy.busy month.
with so much that is coming up.so much deadlines to meet.
so much work to do.so much to prepare.
with a tinny winnie amount of time i have.gosh.
crazy.
24 hours a day is damn short la.
i need sleep.that's all i can think now.which i can't.
upcoming events check(within this month or a week or so).
-magus luna.
-M.A.G AGM performance.
-Nanyang filming.
-Wrtoral final report project.
-Prepare for major presentation project.
-Find clothes.(impt for performance)
-Scripting for hosting.
eh thanks eh.
wah.
i have to be a super girl to get this done sooooo sooooon.
wonder girl signing off.
toodles.
kato kato's pic will be uploaded soon.
(i think uh)
went to sidek's play.kato-kato(like seen above from the poster by theater artistik) at art house
with fana,raudah,fatin and hid.
The whole thang was an abstract play/performance.
makes u think.makes u ponder.good i shall say.kudos to them all.
i loike.my first ever abstract play.
an experience.
hopefully could get some inspiration for my(our) Magus Luna(latin for Magical Night)
upcoming performance.
Then.... head up to marina with fana,hid and raudah.
had dinner.cam-whoring session.some bitching session.
chill out by marina with some gelato ice-cream
and amos cookies.good bonding times.
i like today.very-the-much.
keeps my mind off from so much that's bothering me.
so yah.
shall share some pic as soon as i get 'em la eh.
ok tt's all.for now....i'm tired.
k bye.
i'm ashamed.ashamed of myself.
of how things turn out.
i was confused.tired.selfish?
i was engulf with a mixed of emotion.
i was hurt ;as much as its painful to say this..
but i was.
my intention were even delivered badly.
i feel like such an idiot.
so much of isabella in me
so much of me being tired.
ok fine.
i'm dissapointed.
that's all that is to it.
i seriously need help.
haha.okay la.i'm so lembab(slow) i know.It's been a quite sometime since i read my name in Nadira's blog asking me to do this.
Havn't got a chance to blog these days.By the way thanks eh Nad.(haha!like ya right!~)
okay here it goes la....
7 Random things about me
1.Behind this crazy and friendly person you see in me...i'm not so friendly with people i dont know.
2.I dont like to smile to jus anybody.
3.I love my Dt bitches.
4.I'm a family person.
5.I'm still learning how to cut my nails.(seriously...my dad does it for me most of the time)
6.Emotional bitch.
7.Poems drives me crazy.
7 Things that scares me
1.GOD
2.What happens after you die.
3.Love.
4.Being hurt.
5.Losing my love ones.
6.When all eyes are on me.
7.Trip and fall while going down the stairs.
7 Random music at the moment
1.Everytime we touch(slow version).
2.We're in Heaven by Bryan Adams.
3.Home by Micheal Buble
4.I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
5.Menunggumu-Peterpan feat Chrisye(is that how u spell his name)
6.Foolish Games by Jewel or hid feat fifi(haha)
7.Cowboy take me away by Dixie Chic
7 Things I like the most
1.Sunrise and sunset
2.Reflection time with love
3.Silence
4.Scream and shout
5.Act(haha...i think uh)
6.Sleep and lots of it.(a source of escape from reality)
7.Sweetness
7 Things I often say
1.Suke?
2.Okay bye!
3.eh damn it sia.
4.Bitch!
5.Tepuk lagik!
6.Eh rosak tau!
7.huh?
7 People to do this
anyone that is bored okay?
-------
okay bye.
Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry
....
Cause everytime we touch I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
....
sidetracks.
can't believe i let out that much emotion today.
didnt know i'm capable of such.
besides, the tears didn't want to stop.
it flowed like there's no tomorrow.
as soon as it did..
i realised i was weeping inside instead
I was just plainly 'menjiwai watak'
But it felt real.
For the first time(i guess)
i was really scared.
For once i thought i was really losing them.
wooooow.
DREAMSCAPE 3.0
PLAY.STOP.REWIND.
Finally...the Production's over.
No more waking up early and meeting the cast and crew at
Audi 2 backstage and dressing rooms.
No more bitching while waiting for the cast to get ready before getting their make up done.
No more laughs looking at Ashwin,Hafiz and Mato's witty jokes.
No more tensionwhen Nad came to 'inspect' the make up we've done.
No more rush when its time to change Yazid to Sir Richard in between scene.
I'm missing those moment.
I'm missing it while i'm writing this.
Thanks first and for most to Kay..
For making us be a part of this.For giving us a chance.
To Iggy aka Iguana
For being our coolest role model.For being among the first to accept the Freshies as they are.
For guiding us.For showing us the way.Whatever we've become comes from you and we thank you for
that.
Thanks to Nad
For teaching us(the makeup people).I agree when you said we came there knowing nothing and walk out knowing so much more
that we corrected you even(hahaha).Thank you for being an inspiration at least to me.For appreciating what we've done.For guiding us.
For correcting us so that we made the cast look real on stage.
To all the cast,
Melvyn,shikin,Mato,Priya,Yazid,Razin,Hally and all...
It's a PLEASURE working with all of you.Thank you for trusting me/us in doing your faces.You made me a cnfident person.
Really.And YOU GUYS ARE TRULY TALENTED.
To Shahdon,shikin,Kay,Nad
Wow!You people inspire me.
Altho i'm a little part in this big magical production i've learn so much.
On acting skills, on how hard is was to be and to stay in character, how hard stage make-up is,
the effort put in,the amount of time spent, the sacrifices made and all sort.
It made me a better performer and crew.
It's a good start and i'm glad i'm a part of this.
This memory will be etched in my mind.
For this is a start..
A good start...
my journey in DT..
long long way to go...
I hope it'll be as great...
or even better..
To all my bitches that is a part of this production..
WE rock!!
(Fifi,Hid,Hinna,EEl,Aliya,Fiona)
Dreamscape 3.0.
Today.
wow.
ha.
Break a leg guys!
it's SHOWTIME!
---tired mind.groggy brains.---
thanks to sidek for holding me back.
and dyl,dessy and opsiforgothisname
for keeping the storys going and made me stay till 3 at Techno.
now i'm damn tired.
Nevertheless....
i'm glad i was there.
so much to learn.
so much.
i'm busy since the day term test period ends.
its has been weddings or drama.wedding and drama throughout this week.
so's yesterdays.
DT's backstage tour plus preparations for upcoming production (Dreamscape 3.0),
me and love head up to TAPAC with the other Titisan 'cast' for the PPP workshop
then head back to my aunts place where we crash in till 2.
what a day i shall say.
so much has happened.
so much.
tell me it's all a dream.
*please tell me it's all gonna be alright
make us.
dont break us.
**DT-Dramatech
TAPAC-Telok Aiyer Performing Arts Centre
PPP-Pesta Peti Putih
----
sidetracks.
i ride a motorbike yesterday.
i loike.
okay.i'm late for my cousins wedding.
I miss crashing on my bed/couch.Doing nothing.
Absolutely NOTHING!
Sleep,slack,movie marathons on DVDs,eat and...
sleep again?
i miss those times sia.
well today..i mean later will be my last paper...
finally..
i manage to go through it without rotting and die of studying math(AGAIN?!), BSOM and bloody CKT.
thankfully..i survived.
then HOLIDAY la sia.
But HOWEVER, it's not really a holiday..
MY schedule's packed this week and next.
and hopefully i'll get my DREAM HOLIDAY the week after.
Coregroups.Backstage tour.Productions.PPP workshops.Weddings preparation.
Everything within 2 weeks.
How nice eh~
hopefully i won't exhaust myself that much.
Save some energy for outings this hols.
grr....
eh!it 2.35.
my exams at 3.30 and i havn't siap YET.
ok ciaos.
Long day at school today.Tired i must say.A lil dull.I hate Thursday the most.
Dont ask why.BUT the day ended rather weirdly well i shall say.The eye locking with No.1 and
bumps with No.2 made my day.
haha.whatever!!
as.if
Just came back actually.Watched X-men.
I've always love X-men but this time around its rather heartbreaking.
The storyline and all.
The fact that Professor Charles,Jean Grey,Cyclops and all just died.
Or went missing.
Awfully depressing.
Aiyer.....
Enough of the spoiler.
But i loike nevertheless.
thanks to my brother for the treat!
bye
Titisan in motion...
And so i'm wasting my time now.I obviously have absolutely nothing to ramble about.
Nonetheless, here are just some random pictures taken during my wednesday titisan training.
Hrmm...well, can't wait for the Audi results for PPP.
Talking about PPP and tits.
I shall update and share more peek-tures on DT too.
(If i ever get the pictures.)
Till then cheers..
The whole titisan crew...
besides the fact that my nick has no relation at ALL to what i would like to talk about in this post but yah.whatever.
Okay.yeah!!Taylor won.
Yeahness to the fact that Mcphee lost(clearly bcos she doesnt deserve to win)
Not like Chris or Elliot or Paris.
Yeahness to the fact that i simply enjoyed the finale.
Simply becos Elliot had his duet with MARY J and
there's Prince and Clay look pretty?
hahaha
Okay enough A.I.
seriously.i really need a break.
i've exhaust myself to a point that i can't get up and was really really close to not attending school.
Like think of it.Come on its only ONE freakkking month since i started school and i'm having such awful attitude.
Uh this is killing me.
Well.Test truly drives me crazy.I'm not a 'test kindda person'(wudeverthatmeans).
Like it doesn't matter wether that test require me to study or whatever sort.
I just dont like the feeling when i'm sitting for it.
It suck.BIG TIME!
howeverrrrr....
I'm loving DT and Titisan to pieces.
My bitches and pimps.MY mirror boy.Mypeople
just makes my day.They just keep my school spirit up.
Never once a dissapointment(except ehem~).
So yah.
I'm finally doing what i love the most.My passion.
My new life.And i would trade it for ANYTHING.
That keeps me alive.
Thank God.
If not.I'll rot and DIE in school.
Like SERIOUSLY.
okay enough writing shit.i'mgonna study for a test AGAIN!
Whatever happens in a relationship the guys is not at loss in any ways.
How true is that statement?
Today fantabulous backstage tour down at Esplanade turn into a emo-talk with the fine drama queens.
Differences between the two species.
How vulnerable the womans are.
Yadda yadda.
I'm confused. hurt.sober.dissapointed.
A whirl of emotion of how defenseless my ladiees are.
How helpless and sadden are they when the subject of love is concern.
hrmmm...
oh well..
after the sing-song-and-talk-emo session at esplanade,me,hid and raihan head to marina for more laughing and bitching session at Secret Recipe.
Did some window shopping make ourself tired and then went straight home.
So much for a day.
Now i'm so sleepy.
*the sound of ur voice makes me go wilddddd*
Had a rather greaaaat time just now.Its been a while since we've done this.The makan session at Bali Thai and the 'santai' session at Kedai Kopi with the whole 25 of us turn out rather well.Unexpectedly well i can say.Screeeeww my 'cannotbebothered' attitude before the event cos i simply enjoyed myself through out.Its been a while since i've seen them.
Well the Mothers day outing for the mothers and grandmothers sure was a heeellluuuva outing.
Jus meeting them is fun enough.
hey wait..my brothers gone missing?
